Chapter 14: Breaking apart and getting back up

"So, did you like the movie, kid?" Lorelai asked Rory as they walked out of the movie theater on a Friday afternoon.

"Yes, the songs were really pretty. And the little mermaid was really pretty, too. It's different from the book, though." Rory noticed. Lately she's been all about books. She learned how to read a few weeks ago, right after she turned five years old, and has been practicing ever since.

"Yes, I agree. Although, you have to remember, don't ever lose a voice for a guy. None of them are worth it. You can achieve anything you want, all by yourself." Lorelai said, as she felt her feminist side kicking in. The movie was fun, but it really wasn't all that great when it came to the lesson from the story.

"Even daddy isn't worth it?" Rory asked.

"I guess we can make him the one exception." Lorelai's smile felt a little forced. The truth was, that she and Luke did not get along great these days. Things were rocky between them and they have been for a few months now. Specifically, it was caused by William' diagnosis of liver cancer.

At first it was going okay, they jumped to help William in any way possible, they made the treatment plan, they switched job schedules so that one of them was always available to take him to the doctor and to be there for him. And it worked for a while. William felt relatively good. It was hard work for both Luke and Lorelai, especially since they also had Rory to take care off. Rory, who didn't understand much, just that her grandpa was very sick and that he needed a lot of help. But it was worth all of their sacrifices and all of the hard work, as long as William was well. But then the treatment stopped working. They tried different meds, different chemo, but nothing helped. He was fading out and there was nothing they could do.

So Lorelai was trying her best to help Luke process it. To help him understand the possibility that his father may be gone soon. Instead, he shut her out. He didn't want to talk about his feelings. He didn't want to talk to her at all. He was there for William, and when he wasn't with him he was with Rory. But to Lorelai he was like a stranger. She couldn't understand it. All throughout their relationship, no matter what was happening, they were always able to talk about anything. Now things were different, he was cold and distant. She tried to play it cool in front of William, her parents and especially Rory. No matter what he was still her father and she didn't want to ruin their relationship. But it was getting harder and harder. That's why she even took Rory to the movie theater. She needed a place to breathe, away from him for a while. She knew it was a hard time for him and she was willing to wait it out, but it was hard, as she didn't know how much longer he would act this way.

"I wish daddy was here with us." Rory sighed. Since Luke was helping William, she didn't see as much of him as she was used to.

"I know, honey, me too. But you know he's with Grandpa, and he really needs his help."

"Yes, I know." Rory said sadly. "Is grandpa gonna die, mom? It's okay, you can tell me, I'm a big girl." Lorelai was taken aback by this question. For weeks now she's been trying to decide whether or not she should prepare Rory for the possibility of her losing her grandpa. She didn't know how to approach this subject, or how much she would even understand. But it looked like she was ready for the truth.

"I don't know honey. We're all hoping that he'll get better but he's very sick. So, Yes, it's possible." She answered honestly.

"I don't want him to die, mom. We haven't even finished our boat yet." The boat was a common hobby of Rory and William. They've been building it together for over 2 years now, but it somehow still required some work. Lorelai suspected that they probably didn't do much work on it, they just liked to hang out together at the garage and talk for hours. It was their thing.

"I know, honey. And I'm sorry. I really hope you get to finish it together. But you have to know that even if your grandpa is gone, he will always be with us in spirit and in our memories. And if you can't finish the boat together, then someday you'll finish it for him yourself, I promise." Lorelai hugged Rory tightly. That little girl was everything to her. And when she was born, Lorelai vowed that she would protect her from every bad thing that may come along. But that was the one thing that she was unable to stop. And it was breaking her heart.

It was well after midnight when Lorelai heard the front door opening. She wasn't sleeping, she was waiting for Luke. She knew it was time. He was gonna have to talk to her.

"You could've called. She's been waiting for you all evening. You promised you'd tuck her in tonight." Lorelai whispers angrily.

"I'm sorry, I forgot, I'll do it tomorrow night." Luke answered.

"No, Luke. This is not okay. When you promise something to Rory I expect you to follow through.'

"Could you not do it? I'm trying my hardest, you know? But my father has cancer, I have to be there for him. " Luke raised his voice and Rory shifted around in her bed. Lorelai didn't want to wake her so she told Luke quietly to go downstairs. When they were out of Rory's earshot, she said:

"I know William has cancer, Luke. Believe it or not, this doesn't affect just you. Rory is asking questions and I don't know what to tell her. You're never around, you don't want to talk. I don't know how long we can keep doing that."

"However long we need to. Damn it, Lorelai. I have always been there for you whenever you needed me, so don't try to turn this around." He yelled.

"But that's just the thing. You were there whenever I needed it. And I want to do the same for you. But you won't let me. I'm here, waiting for you, ready to listen but it's just damn silence." Lorelai was on the verge of crying.

"You really want to hear what I've got to say? Fine. I'm a disappointment to my father. I am a high school dropout, I got my girlfriend pregnant at the age of 17, I did nothing meaningful with my life. I was supposed to help him make more money so he wouldn't have to work so hard. And I did nothing, except mistake after mistake, hoping that one day I can turn it around but it doesn't even fucking matter anymore because he won't be around to see it." He yelled, angry.

Lorelai was shocked to hear it all. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't control her tears anymore, deeply hurt by his words.

"I can't believe you said that. That you made mistake after mistake. That you have nothing. Is Rory a mistake? Am I nothing to you? I have to say that when I first saw this positive pregnancy test, I thought to myself that this was my biggest mistake. But I stopped thinking about this that way when I first saw Rory. Cause I just knew there was no way she was a mistake. She is wanted and she is loved. And I always thought you think the same. Damn it, Luke. I didn't force you to do any of it. I gave you the way out, and you didn't take it. You said you wanted it. So for you to throw it all in my face…" she didn't even know how to finish this sentence. She has never felt more hurt and more betrayed her entire life.

Luke regretted his words the moment they came out of his mouth. He knew he said it all wrong, that this was the only way Lorelai would understand it. He wanted to explain himself, to apologize. But Lorelai said:

"Don't, Luke. Don't say anything more. I can't even look at you right now. I think you should spend the night at your father's house." She said firmly. He knew he went too far. And part of him wanted to stay and defend himself. But he knew he deserved this punishment. So he just nodded and walked away.

Luke walked quietly into the house, not wanting to wake up his father. But he heard him coughing loudly so he went up to his room.

"Dad, are you okay? Do you need a glass of water?" He asked, concerned.

"I'm fine, Luke. What are you doing here? I thought you went home." William said, confused. Lately, he's been more tired than ever, sleeping through most of the day and he wasn't sure anymore if he actually saw Luke leaving earlier.

"I did. But then I came back. Lorelai and I had a fight." He sighed.

"Oh, Luke. What happened?"

"I lost it. She's been pushing me to talk, and I didn't want to but I finally caved in. I told her some very hurtful things. She was so mad, and she asked me to leave." Luke admitted.

"Son, I'm going to tell you something because I love you very much. You're an absolute idiot sometimes."

"What?"

"I'm sorry but it's the truth. This woman you have is a saint. She's a superhero, she's always there for Rory, for you, for me, for anyone in this town who ever needs her. All of that she's doing while having a full-time job and she's only 21. She's special. And anyone who would let her get away is an idiot. Even if that someone is my son."

"What about me, huh? I also have a full-time job and I'm there for you, Lorelai and Rory. And even for stupid town's people. Who built them a stupid crib for baby Jesus on Christmas?" He asked, angrily.

"Son, calm down. I'm not saying that you don't also do a lot, because you do. But you have to admit that you haven't been there for Lorelai lately. I saw it but I didn't say anything. I figured I should let you two work it out by yourself. But enough is enough. You cannot lose her. Not now. You know what the doctors say. I'm not gonna be around much longer and you need her to be your rock."

"Dad, we don't know what's gonna happen." Luke argued. " We can still try.."

"Enough is enough, Luke." William interrupted him. "I made my peace with it. It's time you should, too. Now tell me what did you say to Lorelai?"

"I told her… that I'm a disappointment to you, because of everyone that happened with her and Rory. That I didn't help you, that I only made mistakes.' He admitted, ashamed of his words.

"You really are an idiot. For two reasons, now. Once, because you know that Lorelai and Rory are the best thing that ever happened to you. And twice, because you could never disappoint me, Lucas. You had that little girl and you became a man. A good father and a good boyfriend. I was always worried about you when you were younger. Because you were such a loner, I wanted you to love someone and to be loved. And when I met Lorelai, I knew she was perfect for you. And I was so happy, still am. Here, take a look at this drawer." William pointed at his nightstand to Luke. He looked inside and saw a small red box. Inside was a ring. "It was your mother's, Luke. She wanted you to give it to your true love. I've been holding it for you, waiting for the right moment. And I know you're still very young, so you don't have to do it right now. But I have no doubt that Lorelai is worthy of this ring. And that it will be hers someday. "

Luke was not a crying type. He always held his emotions inside. But he couldn't do it any longer. He let the tears flow and he hugged his father tightly.

"Thank you, dad. God, I was such a jerk. I'm afraid it might be too late. What if she won't forgive me?" He asked, scared.

"I'm sure she will, Luke. But don't wait any longer. Just go and apologize right now."

It was already 1 AM. Lorelai was probably asleep. But Luke knew his father was right.

"I'll go, then. And dad, can I take the ring?" He asked. William smiled widely at his words.

"Of course you can."

Lorelai was lying in her bed, her eyes wide open, red and puffy from crying. She couldn't remember ever feeling worse. Part of her knew that Luke couldn't really mean what he said. That he loved her and Rory. But it hurt just the same. She tried to fall back asleep, but had no luck. So she was wide awake when she heard the door opening. She knew it had to be Luke, no-one else had a key to the upstairs apartment.

She got up from the bed and looked at him questioningly. She couldn't see him well enough in the dark to understand what he was feeling. She just saw him gesturing to her to come downstairs with her, and she did. Because even if she was mad, she wanted to be able to forgive him.

They walked silently downstairs and stood in the middle of the store, just staring at each other.

"Well, I'm listening. I'm assuming you have something to say. Otherwise it would be completely ridiculous for us to be here in the middle of the night." She said finally.

"I'm sorry." He said simply. "For tonight and for the last few months. I wanted to buy you some flowers, but every store at Stars Hollow is closed by 8 PM. Besides, I don't think there are enough flowers in this world to show you how sorry I am. I didn't mean it, honestly. You and Rory, you're everything to me. I love you both so much, and I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have you. But, with my dad being sick, I started to feel guilty. Like I put my happiness above him. Because before the diagnosis I was so damn happy, that I honestly forgot about my plans. Plans to start a business and help my dad out. So I've been feeling like a horrible son and I took my anger out on you."

Lorelai stayed quiet for a while but her expression softened.

"I get it, Luke. I really do. But I'm still hurt."

"And you have every right to be. Lorelai, I swear, I'm gonna spend every day from now on trying to make up for what I said. Starting from today. I'm gonna be really honest. The reason I didn't want to talk to you is because I'm really bad at It. I'm a good listener and I like helping people out, but the other way around I get stuck. I can't talk about my feelings. But for you I'm gonna try. I don't know what to do, honestly. I talked to the doctors today, and they said that there is nothing we can do. He's gonna die. It's only a matter of days, maybe weeks now." He admitted it with teary eyes. For a guy who hasn't cried a lot his entire life, he sure was making up for it now. When Lorelai saw him like this, she knew she couldn't stay mad longer.

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. I just want you to know that you can always talk to me. Because I'm here for you. And Rory's here for you. I think you should talk to her. She's missing you a lot and she doesn't really understand what's going on."

"Yes, I know. Lately, I've been screwing up with her also. I'm gonna take a day off tomorrow and spend a whole day with her. Maybe I'll take her to my dad's boat. I'll tell her about what's been going on and we're gonna finish the boat together."

"I think that's a great idea." Lorelai said happily. She finally saw Luke that she knew and loved. She kissed him gently. "I missed you, you know?"

"I missed you, too. And I promise, I'm not gonna shut you out again. Honestly, I'll probably need you a lot right now. You're gonna get sick of me."

"Not possible." She felt like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. She finally had her guy back. "It's really late, we should head to bed."

"I feel like I just got you back, though. Let's just stay up a little longer." He pleaded. She felt the same way so it didn't take much convincing. He sneaked to the apartment quietly, not wanting to wake up Rory and he gathered a few blankets and some food.

And they set up a little picnic in the middle of the store. They laid there, just talking and laughing for hours, until they saw a sun come up. They both needed this time to just be together, with no pain and anger. It felt like home. And Luke knew it was the right time.

"I have something for you and before I show it to you I need you to listen carefully and not freak out."

"Wow, great start. I'm not freaked out at all." She answered sarcastically.

"No, it's a good thing, I promise. Okay, here it goes. So my mom had this ring. She gave it to my dad and told him that he should give it to me when I meet the love of my life. And today my dad gave it to me. And before you freak out, yes, I know that we are still young. But I also need you to know that you're it for me. I love you and I'll always love you. And I want to marry you. I think it would mean a world to my dad to see this ring on your finger. So that's why I'm asking you now. Lorelai Gilmore, would you give me this great honor and agree to be my wife? And I promise you we can have the longest engagement in the world, as long as you need." And with that Luke opened the little box and showed Lorelai the ring inside. It was beautiful,a little old-fashioned, with a big diamond in the middle and small diamonds all around the band. It was breathtaking.

"No" she said and for a long second Luke thought his heart would break. And then she specified: "No, I don't want the longest engagement in the world. I want to marry you now. Today, tomorrow, next week. As fast as we can arrange it. I want your dad to be there when we get married."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel pressured. We already once discussed that pregnancy is not a good reason to get married. And I don't think a deadly illness is a good reason either. I don't want you to regret it later on." Luke said honestly. It would make him happy to marry Lorelai right this second but he needed her to be sure.

"William's illness is not the reason. It just makes it a little faster than it would've been. But the real reason, Luke, is that I love you. And I want to be your wife. Honestly, we've been together for 6 years now, 5 years living together and raising our daughter. We may be young but I know enough to be sure that this is not rushed and this is not a mistake." And with that she kissed him. For a moment all of Luke's worries disappeared. He was just purely happy in this second and he wanted nothing more than to freeze it in time.

"Okay, then, I guess we're gonna have the shortest engagement ever. But now we really should get to bed. Tomorrow we've got a wedding to plan."