BABYSITTING

Aizawa opened the door. A gaggle of infants greeted him. Ochako floated through the air, giggling, then vomited rainbows across the floor. Kaminari dipped his hands in the mess, smeared it all over himself and the walls, then sucked on his fingers. Tokoyami and Dark Shadow screeched at him, beaks opened, begging for food. Tsuyu swung from her tongue, Ojiro chewed on his own tail, Kirishima kept smacking his hardened head into a wall, and Shoji stared creepily into Aizawa's soul with a thousand mismatched eyes.

Aizawa ran for the door. It slammed shut, and metal bars sealed him in. Aizawa leapt for the window. He bounced off the reinforced glass. He grabbed Kirishima and tried to batter down the wall with his head, but the walls sprouted foam padding.

"Let me out!" Aizawa screamed.

"No can do. The kids need a sitter."

Taking a deep breath, Aizawa said, "Test."

Eerie silence came over the intercom. Nezu began cackling, softly at first, but growing in volume until every child turned towards him. Even facing his doom, Aizawa smiled, believing he had won.

"Oh Aizawa-kun!" Nezu said brightly. "I only ever pretended to have psychotic breakdowns."

Aizawa's jaw hit the floor. "No. You didn't."

Nezu's laughter echoed through the room. Half the 1-A infants joined in.

"It was a logical ruse this whole time! The broken bones, property damage, loss of sanity, all of it?"

"Indeed! Good luck, Aizawa!"

Aizawa ran to the window, praying for salvation. He saw Present Mic walking away from the building. Aizawa pounded on the glass. Present Mic looked up, gaped in fear, and ran as fast as his legs would take him.

Witha resigned sigh, Aizawa turned back to the babies. Aoyama had gotten into a cheese platter, and his upset stomach was busy violating the Geneva conventions, Sato threw chairs and smashed desks in a cookie-binge craze, Iida blasted around the room on his diaper, leaving wet streaks across the floor, Koda yanked on a cat's tail, and the only trace of Hagakure was a discarded diaper on the floor.

"You can't expect me to look after twenty infants on my own."

"You look after twenty teenagers every day. I'd expect this to be significantly easier."

Todoroki froze the ceiling. A sprinkler broke and showered the entire room in ice-cold water. Kaminari screeched as his rainbow graffiti got washed away and threw an electric temper tantrum. The shock spread to Iida, whose engines went into hyperdrive and sideswiped Tsuyu. Tsuyu swung into the air and clipped Ochako, who barreled straight into Aizawa and gave him a July-friendly makeover.

Aizawa gave a dripping glare at the intercom. Nezu said, "Very well. I'll get some robots."

B-1 battle droids marched in wearing nanny outfits, armed with bottles and teething rings. At the sight of them, baby Bakugo screeched and flew at them. Scrap and robotic limbs flew, and Bakugo raised a severed head high in a triumphant infant wail.

Aizawa smacked his head on his desk.

500

Izuku, pretending to be a baby to fit in with everyone else: eats all the furniture