Chapter 18: To Wake Up a Dreamer

The first ray of the day break hit her in the face, penetrating through the thin layer of skin and muscle that was her eyelids and burning her still closed pupils. She groaned in a mixture of annoyance and pain, throwing a pillow to cover her face from the offending light and willing herself back to slumber.

It didn't work.

While the lethargy remained, the drowsiness had gone that even if she stayed on the bed she would only drive herself to the brink of boredom. With that in mind, she quietly sighed and threw her feet to the warm floor, blinking rapidly to adjust her eyes on the new brightness.

The golden glow of the morning sun filtered through the windows, painting the room in a beautiful light it had never been in in her entire life. The last bit made her pause and snort as she made her way to her dresser mirror to prepare herself for the day.

Grabbing a brush, she made a short work on her hair, purple eyes set on an equally purple strand on top of her head that somehow always found a way to defy her attempt to smooth it. It stood upright if not a little bit curled, as if to mock her of her inability to wrestle it down together with its peers. She huffed, giving up because some things weren't meant to change, before she made her way out of her bedroom.

Down the stairs she went and straight to her kitchen where all kinds of foods awaited her on the table, each equally enticing as it was delicious. The scents alone were heavenly to her nose and it made her stomach rumble yet she lacked the enthusiasm to really appreciate them.

She grabbed a small plate and put a little bit of the food on it. As much as it unsettled her, there was no point on hogging them all like she would in the Underworld where a loaf of bread could cost someone a limb or even a life. Here everything was available in abundance. No more fighting, no more struggling and no more hating.

Seele had accepted this new routine rather quickly. A little hard to do otherwise because she didn't have a choice on the matter anymore. It wasn't a bad life, all things considered, because it was everything she ever dreamed of.

Her foods never ran out, similarly to all the other necessities in the house. The broken pipe in her bathroom was now a pristine stainless steel, her sofa was as soft as new and her refrigerator had finally stopped sounding like a rat was having a stroke whenever she opened it. That was only to name a few. She was sure all else were just as good.

Yet, she felt nothing.

Dropping the half finished meal onto the sink, she quietly made her way to her bathroom, not even bothering to do her dishes because they would be cleansed the next morning anyway. She quickly stripped out of her clothes and walked under the shower, turning the faucet to cold just so she could feel something aside from nothing.

It worked, somewhat, as she hissed from the massive difference in temperature as the cold water hit her bare skin, running down in rivers until they slipped down her feet and into the drain.

She rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes.

Ten minutes later she emerged back to her kitchen, not even bothering to cover herself as she made her way back to her room. Why would she when there was nobody that could possibly catch her in the nude? The only living things outside were some animals she had never seen before and trees. Actual green trees and grass and not just some dead trunks.

It was fascinating, sure. But on the second day it grew old rather quickly.

Finishing up in her more casual clothes, she grabbed her gardening tools on her way out to tend on her flowers. The only thing she found still remotely entertaining to do at this point. Seele opened her front door, squinted her eyes when the morning sun shone directly into her eyes and maneuvered herself towards her little garden.

She did everything she usually did. Pulling off the budding weed from the ground, trimming the overgrown parts of the flowers and fertilizing the soil. The only difference was that she did it all with deliberate slowness, if not to fit her general mood then to kill the time, knowing full well she had nothing else to do afterwards.

Seele sought respite. She was human and it was normal. But even in her days, she hardly took any break for more than a day. Life in the Underworld was harsh and it required constant keeping, a job she took gladly, that even when she was off duty she would've to keep an eye out still.

Here, everything was fine. Here, she could simply rest and Seele hated it. She had no more worries here which was why she hated it. Seele lived her life worrying about a lot of things and in a place where nothing was to worry, she found herself agitating. It simply didn't sit well with her.

Well, that life is over now and this is where I am.

She spent her day like that, tending on her garden while trying to not dwell on the past for much. It was futile. She was hopeless to do anything about it now that she's here where her worldly ties were severed already. Her duty had ended, her time had run out.

She was no longer burdened.

Hours later she found herself sitting under a tree, back against the bark with an arm supported by her folded knee while her other hand held a cup of warm tea.

It was the color of the sunset that reflected on her purple orbs as she gazed at the sea, an open book on her lap she couldn't bother to see. She tried to find new hobbies with one being finally reading her collection of books Natasha and Oleg gifted her in the past but she couldn't bring herself to focus on the words printed on the paper, losing her attention almost immediately the moment she switched paragraph. That alone was a miracle, for her to open a book like this since she hardly read any form of literature.

That fact alone meant she had finally run out of things to do.

So here she was now. Sitting against a tall tree by her house, gazing at the sea absently as the sun settled over the horizon. Another oddity of this place which being the sun that rise and set at the same direction. Always over the sea and nowhere else.

Seele took a sip of her tea and sighed, closing the book and letting it fall from her lap as she slid down further until she laid on the ground with her hands crossed under the back of her head. A cool breeze washed over her from the sea, carrying with it a scent she was unfamiliar with until the first time she was here as it ruffle the leaves and branches above her. It was salty unlike the taste of artificial salt used in Belobog, a true scent of the sea that nobody could truly describe. A few books that spoke about it was borderline fantasy since nobody truly knew the real thing anymore.

Seele knew now, yet in the lonesome she couldn't share the knowledge to anyone but herself.

Her tea had gone cold with the passing time while the sun had disappeared below the sea line, in its place was the full moon that rose unto the sky. A silver glow from the moon bathed her form and her purple hair seemed to shine under it, framing her face amidst the green grass.

Seele closed her eyes and breathed out.

A soft crunch to her side made her open them again, looking over to it she couldn't help but to widen her eyes when a figure stood beside her. Alerted, Seele sat up and instinctively put her guard down as the figure turned around to face her.

It was a young man, probably around her age from the look of it, whose smile was friendly and warm.

"Hello," he greeted. "How are you?"

Mouth agape, it took Seele a few minutes to find her voice. "What the hell? Who are you?!"

"My name is not important, just know that I mean no harm. It's not possible any longer." He glanced around the area then, smile never disappearing. "I see you accommodating well."

"... I thought I was alone," Seele muttered and the man chuckled.

"Oh, everyone is here. Those you knew and you didn't," he paused for a second as he regarded Seele. "Mind if I join you?"

"Suit yourself."

"Thank you."

He sat down beside her, still keeping a respectable distance from her. Perhaps, he felt her distrust towards him from the way her hard gaze was set on him. "You said I knew and didn't. Which one are you?"

"The former."

"I don't remember you."

"Oh you do. You watched me die."

"I watched a lot of people die."

"But none as haunting as my death to you."

The way he said it sent shivers up Seele's spine, as if he was just talking about the weather or some dumb crap that fell on the casual talk category and not the most important event of someone's life besides their birth. "When? Where?"

"A long time ago. I was a fragile old man lying on my death bed after losing a fight against a young girl over a sip of water," he explained and Seele's eyes widened in realization. Sensing her emotions, his smile turned sad. "Said young girl had the misfortune of watching me die by the window pane."

"Oh..." Seele remembered. In fact, she remembered it with crystal clear clarity. It was the day she learned the notion to share and all it took was her inadvertently killing someone because she simply wouldn't. "What, do you want an apology?"

"No." Seele blinked, taken off guard by the offhanded response. "I want to apologize."

"... What?"

"I want to apologize," he repeated. "For what I did to you."

She frowned. "But, you didn't do anything wrong?"

"That's where we're wrong," he leant back on his hands, gazing up at the moon with despondent eyes. "Our situations forced us to normalize such things. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to fight for every scrap of food and water. In a perfect world, I would've been obliged to give you that water."

"Our world wasn't perfect."

"Yes, thus more of it will happen to someone else in the future." He threw his gaze to Seele then, meeting her eyes. "But that isn't our problem any longer, is it?"

"No," Seele quietly agreed and he hummed.

"You've changed from the last time we met," he said suddenly after a while. "All grown up but not old enough. That's just how it is, I supposed."

"Yeah," Seele sighed and rested her back against the tree again, finally relaxing. "Age is just a number to death. More unfortunate are this kids."

"Sweet little gremlins," he said jokingly and Seele chuckled, nodding. "Well, at least they're happy here."

"Good for them."

"You're not?"

"Things are good. Too good."

"I know what you meant. You'll get used to it."

"I hope," she grabbed the book from the ground and raised it up. "Starting to get bored. There's only so much I can do to my flowers."

"They're beautiful, by the way."

"Thanks."

He hummed then, tone somewhat sad. "There will be a lot of things you'll have to get used to around here. You might even begin to miss people one day."

Seele nodded. "It's quiet."

"I don't even remember how noisy the Underworld can be," said the man lightly with a shrug. "It's been too long for me."

"It's not even two decades..."

"Time flows differently here. The three days you're here, it's only been merely hours out there."

She frowned. "How did you know how long I've been here?"

"We watched over you, remember?" He placated, sensing the suspicion in her tone. "Everyone saw you coming over from beyond the sea."

Coming over was an understatement since she found herself waking up on the beach with sand on her face and wet skin, confused beyond reason. She had heard tales about the afterlife and believed it herself for she had caught a glimpse of what the other side was like but when she was finally here, it wasn't what she had expected.

"It's just... not what I expected."

"As I said, you'll have to get used to it."

"What about you?"

"Sorry?"

"You said to get used but how did you do that?" Seele clarified as she threw him a glance.

"Well, I was old. All my friends were here already. I was never truly alone. As a matter of fact, it was rather liberating to be finally here. Freed from the shackles of age."

"I see..."

"You'll be like that, one day," he continued and Seele raised an inquisitive eyebrow as a response. "Your friends will be here. It's simply inevitable."

"Yeah, well. In the meanwhile I will have to try to keep my head together. I know they won't be here any time soon."

It wasn't like she had many friends to begin with. She knew a lot of people but they were acquaintances at most. If she had a say, then Natasha, Oleg and Luka were the closest people she could count as a friend.

She wondered how they would react to her death. Devastated, probably, which was more than she asked for. At least, some people would still remember her amidst the chaotic flow of life in the Underworld for a while longer.

Another breeze blew from the sea, cold like the night and soft as a silk. Seele inhaled deeply and slumped back against the tree, arms crossed over her chest as she looked up at the pale moon above.

He followed her gaze and hummed. "Oh..."

"What is it?"

"It appears that you still have a choice."

Perplexed, Seele turned her head to the man only to see him already on his feet and walking away from her. "What? What do you mean?"

"She favors you," he said, not looking back. "Your time might've run out but it doesn't matter to her. Time is her domain, time is her power. The Goddess has in her hands the World's order." He stopped and glanced back, the smile on his face was clear as day despite the darkness. "Your time hasn't arrived yet. I pray that when we meet again, it will be at a time when you're old and wise. Farewell, little one."

Right before her eyes he disappeared into a mist, leaving nothing but footprints on the ground. Confused, Seele didn't have the time to process what he meant when something caught her ears.

It was subtle at first, the sound of crunching which grew louder until it turned into an explosion. Seele faced the source, high above her, and widened her eyes in surprise and apprehension when the space between her and the moon shattered like a mirror, revealing the inky blackness of abyss.

She tensed up, instinctively calling for her weapon only to curse under her breath when she remembered it wasn't with her anymore, as a figure emerged from the unnatural darkness.

Steps made out of light bursted into existence and the figure descended down with purple energy flowing around her. The moon, obscured by the tear in reality, glowed brighter behind them as they continued down, its silver light blending with the purple and making it even more pronounce.

The dress they wore was elegant beyond words, ethereal in a way it was divine even in the afterlife. If it wasn't enough to tell her gender then the curves of her body was, hugged by the dress so perfectly they radiated both beauty and blessing.

It was an Empress. A Queen. A Princess of a power beyond anyone's imagination. A chosen token of might so great it could not just defy fate but also alter it.

Seele watched in awe before it turned into a shock, finally seeing who it was.

"Yo," she greeted Seele with her all too familiar stupid grin and Seele could only stare back into her pair of blue eyes, now glowing with the same purple energy. "How're you doing?"

Seele pointedly ignored the question. "Kiana? Why are you here? Are you...?"

"Dead? Nah," she finished for her with a grin and the illusion shattered. Her long white dress disappeared in a flame of purple fire, the two wing things floating by her sides turning into embers that fell onto the ground. Now in her jacket, Kiana proceeded to shove her hands into its pockets as she took the last step down and approached Seele. "As for why... Well, I'm bringing you home."

Seele didn't know Kiana much. Actually, now that she thought about it she hardly knew anyone from the Express much besides Bronya. Her job was to oversee them and they didn't expect anything else would grow between her and the crew, certainly not friendships or any of sort.

But she didn't doubt their intentions. Their kindness and their objectives that were meant for the best of Belobog. She was wary of them which was normal since they were strangers in her home but she had learned that none of them were bad people.

Even though they possessed some strange powers.

Natasha mentioned that before. About the terrible power they possessed. Seele, however, had no scope on it. How terrible and why aside from what was told to her. Apparently, it came with a price just like everything else.

She wondered what price Kiana had to pay for her.

As she followed the white haired woman a good meter behind her, she couldn't help but think what made her special to be given the privilege of a second life. Kiana asked her if she wanted to return and Seele answered with certainty that she did, she still had jobs to do and responsibilities to carry. They weren't enough reasons for the dead always had businesses they wanted to finish yet none of them had this. None of them had the second chance like Seele.

They walked along the beach with the moon being their only source of light, its ray dancing on the dark surface of the sea. Kiana hadn't said anything and for a moment Seele thought this all was but an illusion, a dream created by her desires, until she felt the caress of night air on her cheeks.

Her hair flowed to the side, following the direction the wind heading, while Kiana's remained almost static behind her back. It moved, but because of her walk instead of the wind. Her feet also didn't leave any prints on the sand, either.

It was as if she was a ghost, an apparition or an anomaly, or something so utterly divine the world simply couldn't affect her. Seele wasn't sure what she was but the title Goddess certainly fitted her because she was just like one here.

Funny how Seele, now no longer a mortal, was the one to ponder about spirits when she was one herself. It would've made her chuckle if she wasn't so lost.

"Where are you taking me?" Seele asked quietly. They had been walking for a while now and Seele didn't want to get lost in the middle of the night despite the knowledge she would wake up on her bed the next morning even if she slept it off on nearby bush.

"Somewhere far where the distance between worlds are the shortest," Kiana explained simply with a gentle smile, perhaps sensing her unease. "Don't worry, everything is going to be fine."

"Can you really do it? Bringing me back to life?"

"Yup."

"But why me?"

"Because it's possible."

"Huh?"

Kiana stopped and turned around to face her. "I can't bring just anyone back to life. I can't do it to everyone," she paused and kicked the sand beneath her feet. "Alright, this far will do."

"I don't see how I was any different."

"You are different. You're well versed with the Sea. Your soul is unlike any other people's," Kiana pulled something out of her pocket, a ball of purple energy that shimmered in her palm like clear crystal, and threw it into the sea before continuing. "Yours is tough, naturally resistant to the turbulence that would tear normal human's soul apart, and has better chance of surviving the Sea."

"What about you? You're here, in this form, and you're okay."

Kiana shook her head. "I'm not particularly human anymore. Besides, I'm not really here. What you're seeing is the manifestation of my power and not the real me." Her blue eyes grew distant then, looking at a faraway place on the hill behind the beach. "I can't bring my true self here. Even I have loved ones that have departed before me. I don't want to disturb the Order by meeting them before the time, for my own sake."

"You can't or you won't? I mean, you're here, even if it's just a copy of your power."

Kiana chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. I won't. Saying I can't is not quite right. It will only hurt them."

Seele hummed. "So, what now?"

"Now we wait."

"For what?"

"You'll see," Kiana tilted her head, as if listening to something, and grinned again, the solemn mood disappearing like smoke in the wind. "You don't have to wait for long either."

Bluish light emerged from the spot where the ball of energy was swallowed by the sea and Seele tensed up warily, giving an inquisitive glance to Kiana who responded with a reassuring smile only. The Kaslana hummed quietly to herself as another figure appeared from beneath the gentle waves.

She approached them, ambling from the sea to the land easily with her white dress dancing on the water surface behind her. The water clung on her skin for a brief second before it receded down and away, falling in rivulets through her dress and onto the sea and leaving her dry and pristine to the world.

While Kiana's projected grandeur and majesty, hers was more of a humble simplicity. Almost innocent in scheme by design. White symbolized purity of the heart, an untainted soul in a sea of waste, and she was it.

Seele's eyes widened when her eyes found her face.

"Hey," Kiana greeted her, scratching her cheek sheepishly with her index finger and chuckling. "Sorry for calling on such a short notice, I know it's super late back home."

"No worries," she said sweetly with an equally sweet smile that was so odd on such a familiar face. "I don't mind. Besides, I have just finished filing some reports for the company so it's not like you're disturbing my rest or something like that. How are you doing, Kiana?"

"Good. Still working in stead of your girlfriend?"

"Mhmm. I want to help her however I can."

"Man, you're such a good girl helping your girl like that. Makes you wonder how could you end up with such a douchebag, though."

The woman giggled. "Bronya is not that bad."

"She's a ruthless bully."

"I... suppose gaming with you and Mei is her only form of relief nowadays so she might get a little overboard. I do apologize on her behalf."

"See? That's what I meant. It ain't even your fault yet here you are apologizing for her," Kiana paused then before a mischievous grin broke on her face. "You said that but you both have been boning almost every night, right?"

In another display of unfamiliarity, the other woman's face turned beet red so quickly as did Seele's own at the blatant way Kiana joked about it. "Kiana!"

"What? Dude, I'm telling you to tie the knots already! I'm dying to be a maid of honor!"

"You just want to have a payback for what Bronya did in your wedding..."

"Woah, don't blame me. In case you forgot, she made my cake explode right in my face. Literally, I must say. My sister and I spent half a day scrubbing the icing off my body."

"Of course I remember. Bronya had quite the laugh that day. It's hard to forget that."

"Aw, look at you! All smiles and blush over Bronya!"

"Please stop teasing me..."

Kiana laughed, loud and unreserved. It echoed in the air, being the only sound that wasn't of the sea. Seele, still watching the woman in white before her, couldn't help but smile slightly at the warmth radiating from the Kaslana.

"You are me," she began softly and said woman nodded, smiling warmly at Seele. "I never thought I would meet you. Bronya, your Bronya, talked about you a lot."

Her Herrscher counterpart blushed lightly at the mention of her Bronya. "I'd imagined she would. She also talked about you a lot."

"I see..." Seele muttered, searching the other Seele's eyes. They were of a different color, too, light blue like the inside of her hair which was also different than her own, glowing faintly like the dull glow of the moon above. "You're not jealous are you? I heard people in relationships can get jealous easily."

Much to Seele's surprise, her other self began to laugh softly. "Of course not! You are beautiful and if she sees a glimpse of me in you, then it's an honor on my part."

"Well, I think you're beautiful too..."

"Oh! You look cuter when you blush, too!"

"Th—Thanks..."

"Ladies, as much as I hate to break your little self appreciation talk I think it's high time we get down to business," Kiana chimed in with a laugh. "Shall we?"

The last bit was addressed to her Herrscher friend who nodded in agreement. "Right. It's always fun talking with myself I could lose track of time easily."

"Huh?" Seele queried.

Instead of answering, the Herrscher simply smiled and extended her hands towards her. Confused and unsure, Seele could only stare at the appendages. "Come, let's bring you home."

She turned her gaze to Kiana, asking for explanation, but the Kaslana only shook her head in return. "Just trust her."

Trust was hard to give or gain, a lesson worth a life in the Underworld. Yet here where nothing was at a stake anymore, Seele found herself more than willing to give it up with nary a price. Still, the uncertainty was there and wouldn't be gone any time soon even as she accepted the offered hands with her own.

Fingers interlocked, she felt herself being pulled closer to her other self. Unlike her hands, her counterpart's were soft and cool to the touch. Her eyes were gentle as she stared into those blue orbs with her own purple, feeling her muscles relaxing almost immediately in a way she hadn't felt in years.

Seele didn't realize she was being pulled into the sea until she felt the water on her waist.

Its cold brought her back to clarity and for a moment Seele couldn't help the panic pooling in her heart. She couldn't swim. There was no water source in the Underworld that was large enough for her to learn or find the knowledge useful for. Most of the Underworlders couldn't swim with the former Silvermane Guards being the exception, their trainings mandating them to learn how regardless.

"It's okay," the Herrscher told her reassuringly, fingers tightening around Seele's hands. "I'll hold onto you. I'll be your guide back home. Just look me in the eye."

Seele did just that and gently, ever so gently, she was brought under the surface.

In the endless darkness that followed, a pair of light blue were her beacons. She focused on them the entire time for they were the only things keeping her fears and worries at bay as she travelled the path full of limitless possibilities and uncertainties, fleeting and ever changing like bubbles in the sea.

Kiana watched them go with a small smile. Everything would be fine now. While she could've brought Seele back herself since it was still within her Authority, it was a job fitting for Rebirth herself. Nobody was more familiar with the Sea than her Seele. Not even Kiana herself despite her reach.

Seele spent years in the Sea of Quanta so it was sufficient to say that the Sea was her domain. A soul so bright it could light up the darkness for those lost in its merciless current. Even so, it was vast and without help it would've taken Seele a long time to be here which was why Kiana acted as her beacon first.

A job done without complications.

Thankfully.

She shoved her hands back into her jacket pockets and turned around, ready to leave, when a hint of red on her periphery stopped her. There under a lone streetlight sitting on a bench, a woman was staring at her through the darkness.

Her red mane seemed to burn fiery crimson under the light, legs crossed and hands on her lap with her fingers nursing a can of beer between them. Glinting amber met blue, Kiana returned the smile she was given with her own before she pulled the hood of her jacket up and walked away.

Not yet. Maybe next time.

Natasha woke up with a jolt when she felt fingers tracing her hair. Blinking rapidly to get rid of the sleep lingering in her system, she couldn't help but to widen her eyes when she saw Seele staring at her from the bed.

"Hey," said the bedridden patient hoarsely with a small smile. "Can I have some water?"

She stood before she could think, grabbing a bottle of the requested liquid from the nightstand and unscrewing the cap before helping Seele with it. "How are you feeling?" She asked softly when Seele was done drinking, lowering the girl slowly down to the pillow again.

"Like shit," Seele answered simply with a content sigh now her throat was no longer dry. "How long was I out?"

"Two days," Natasha told her, moving to check on Seele almost instinctively. Seele, for the most part, only resigned on her fate as Natasha lifted and twisted her limbs around to see for any possible complications on her healing injuries. "Do you feel odd?"

"No, why?"

"Just making sure. It's not every day someone came back to life."

"... what?"

Natasha blinked. "You were dead." When Seele only stared at her blankly, Natasha added "Do you not remember?"

"I do," Seele clarified, though her confusion still linger. "I'm... I feel like I'm forgetting something important."

"I'm sure you'll remember it if it's that important," Natasha suggested with a helpless shrug.

Seele grimaced. "I hope."

"Now, lift your gown up and let me see your wound."

Seele did as told almost immediately from muscle memories alone, wrapping her fingers around the hem of the hospital gown she wore and lifting them up to chest level. Natasha went down to look while Seele raised her head, the latter blinking in surprise at what she saw. "Huh."

"Incredible, isn't it? Miss Zaychik repaired your body and fixed all your wounds with just a touch."

"There wasn't even a mark..." Seele muttered as she traced her fingers over her flat stomach. There was no bump or irregularities on the soft skin besides her muscle, toned as it was from years of hard work and fighting. "I suppose, it's nothing to her since she can grow an entire limb and shit."

"You heard?"

"It's a small place, Nat." Seele sighed then, slumping back down onto the bed once Natasha was done on her work. "How's Bronya?"

The doctor smiled faintly, barely visible in the gloom light of Geomarrow heater. "Assuming you meant our dear Supreme Guardian, then there's not much I can say aside from what's visible. She looks fine, quick on her feet too in picking up the torch left behind by her mother."

"So, she's the Supreme Guardian now, huh?"

A hum. Natasha regarded Seele for a moment, noticing the fatigue still in her eyes and patting her head affectionately, before continuing. "Yes. She visited you in the morning before her inauguration and hasn't come ever since."

Seele shrugged. "It's a busy job."

"It is, couldn't be the only reason though."

"What do you mean?"

Natasha sighed tiredly as she stretched, taking her time to answer as she mulled over her words. "Mei told me that Bronya hasn't been herself lately, and no I didn't mean it as her still being controlled by the Stellaron or whatever. The way Mei said it, it's like she's overly stressed by the circumstances and the aftermath of, well, just everything. Heavy is the head with the crown, was what she told me. A fitting proverb I think."

"That idiot..."

"She didn't have the time to mourn," Natasha began softly and Seele grunted in agreement before she slumped down onto the bed and closed her eyes with a groan. Natasha shook her head fondly at her action. "In any case, I think it's better if you talk with her."

Seele's eyelids flew open so quickly it would've been comical if not for the sheer disbelief in her purple orbs, boring into Natasha's own red incredulously. "You joking, right? What the hell am I supposed to tell her? 'Hey, Bronya, I know it sucks losing your mother and it's not like I know the feeling since I never have one but you gotta look at the positive'? There's nothing positive about it, Nat." Seele paused then huffed, adding "You're the closest I have that can count as a mother figure and I'm sorry to tell you but our relationships are more like you fixing my injuries and vice versa. It's not the most ideal kind."

But Natasha only stared at her back and something in her eyes made Seele pause. "I didn't mean it like that," she began evenly. "I won't claim that I know her much but I saw something in her eyes when she visited you. Regret, dismay, sadness and a whole lot of self loathing. She's blaming herself for what happened to you."

Seele sighed audibly and deflated even further on the bed, draping an arm over her eyes and silently lamenting on her predicament. "I fucking knew it..."

"You know her better than me."

"... what about our Astral Express friends?"

"They're still around. Mei told me they're planning to depart in a few days after tying some loose ends. There's a lot of works to be done after the Reunification. Why do you ask?"

"I need to ask Bronya a few things."

Natasha nodded slowly, still regarding Seele with critical eyes, before she got up to her feet. "Anyway, you should rest some more. I'll have Oleg get you your clothes," she threw Seele a smile through her shoulder. "I know you'll be out tomorrow regardless what I tell you so I won't bother to try to stop you. Have a chat with him before you do, though, he was very worried about you."

"Yeah, yeah..." Seele said dismissively with a wave of her hand. "You go sleep, too. I don't need you coddling on me." Their eyes met and Seele's gaze softened, noticing the pain hidden beneath those hardened rubies. "I'm fine, Nat. I really am."

Like many others, the doctor was also a victim of harsh life that despite her gentle nature she was still forced to hide any form of vulnerability beneath a mask of professional stoicism. She had lost more friends than anyone else. People she knew and didn't know for her job demands her a familiarity with death. While Seele killed for justice and peace and thus only ever claimed the heads of criminals in her duty, Natasha's patients were all just normal people trying to live their life only to meet inevitable demise in her care. Many of them were innocent, many of them so young they barely were half the age of the youngest person Seele's scythe ever cut.

Yet the doctor stood fast, never faltering nor complaining. She simply moved on and put those regrets behind closed door in her head. However for Seele who had known her for life, it was easy to see the dark shadows of despair slithering from the gaps.

Natasha was strong and Seele had no doubt about it. She was one of few people Seele respected for her steadfastness and it was not without basis either. Innocent people died on her hands more than Seele's scythe yet she never stopped trying to help despite the pain that inevitable came with it. It took more than courage to continue forward like that.

Killing was never easy, only psychopaths and liars would tell you otherwise, but there's a sense of justification in knowing it was for the betterment of everyone. Some weeds were just too tall and over their heads, or too deeply burrowed your only option was to remove them entirely. Natasha had never had that option because for her, all the weeds were the same.

She just wanted to help, but to nature your intentions were never matter. Everyone was eligible for the harsh reality and fate.

"Just rest for now," Natasha told her and Seele blinked back to reality. "I think both of us deserve it."

Seele nodded again and made herself comfortable, turning her head away from the woman she called mother in the past, who also carried the burden of one for everyone else, and said quietly.

"Goodnight, Nat."

The door creaked open and closed a moment later but not before a similarly quiet wish was whispered to the only occupant inside. "Goodnight, Seele."

In the silence that followed, Seele couldn't help but to bask on the lingering warmth. Left behind by a source that wasn't the Geomarrow heater sitting on the corner all the while her purple eyes were transfixed on the moon outside her window, shining bright in the cloudless night amidst the dark and cold city.

Like a shining beacon of hope.

TBC.