Chapter 21: To Taste the Love and Pain
"I don't understand."
"Hm?"
"I don't understand why I have to be here."
Bronya stared at the person on the other end of the call, warm silver meeting a pair of confused red through the screen. Though the pools of crimson wine reflected nothing but bewilderment, a hint of annoyance and irk were also visible beneath the surface, swimming deep and concealed except for Bronya whose eyes were trained and well to see it just there.
It was a skill honed not from training, hell it was easier to learn to spot a hare in a tundra than those emotions. No, it was a skill born from experience and experience alone for no amount of training could allow someone to really understand others.
A trial by fire and one Bronya struggled to pass due to her own inability to process emotions. If it weren't for Seele, she doubted she could understand her other self so deeply.
They shared the same face, same traits and habits it was a good start for Bronya to learn about this Seele. In the past, she had feared for that Seele when she told her there exist an entity in her body whose goal was unknown. The fact said entity seemed to be as destructive as Honkai in nature justified her distrust to her, at least until she learned about her more.
Bronya loved her as much as she loved that Seele. There's no denying it. After everything, it was clear that she's not a bad person but rather the contrary. Her fierce persona hid the kindness of her heart and her harsh words held nothing but unfiltered truth. She was pure that way and Bronya couldn't help but to love her, too.
Not that she would brag about it especially to Kiana. That one time she caught them being a little adventurous was a time Bronya wouldn't forget because Kiana kept reminding them of it each time she had the chance. Besides, both Seeles liked to keep things between them where they could whisper sweet nothings in the comfort of their bed unlike Kiana and Mei who were so open with their display of affection, something Bronya herself preferred.
"Well..." Bronya drawled, a sly grin flashing on her face before it disappeared just as quick. "Maybe because I simply want to talk with you?"
Seele snorted, her voice slightly distorted as she entered an elevator. "Then talk. All you did was stare at me the whole damn time."
"Can I not admire the view?" She said with a shrug, earning a huff from Seele.
"You've been around Kiana for too long and it shows."
"What does she have to do with this?"
"Because she's super cheesy and all that crap with Mei. Come on, do you even realize how lame that was?"
"But it's the truth?"
Seele rolled her eyes good naturedly and huffed. "Yeah, whatever." She paused then as the elevator door slid open and Bronya, through the call, noticed that she was now in some sort of a hallway Bronya herself had been so familiar with. "So, why am I here?"
"I've already told you the reason," Bronya explained gently for the nth time that day, though this time she let honesty bled into her tone as she locked her eyes with Seele's red ones. "I wanted to talk with you."
She must have seen it because Seele didn't retort and instead fall silent as she pondered on Bronya's confession. Sighing, Seele ran a hand through her red mane and scowled, though it directed to nobody in particular. "You know I don't like her, right? And I'm not that girl. She might be blaming herself for what happened but I'm not. I just plain hate her, simple as."
"I know," Bronya admitted softly. "And I understand. I'm sorry for being selfish."
"It's fine," Seele dismissed her apology with a shake of her head. "Besides, we haven't talked much recently with how busy you were. And no, your talks with Seele don't count because all you guys speak about is work and more work. Honestly, you ought to be grateful she's kind enough to deal with your problems but knowing Seele she's definitely happy to be of help to you so it's good, I guess."
"She's kind that way."
"Mhm. She's always like that."
"I can say the same about you, though."
"I'm not like that."
"No, but similar enough while you both have your own ways in expressing your kindness." She offered with a smile. "You're unique that way."
The redhead before her was different than her other self and Bronya had learned to view them as such a long time ago. In a way, they were twins with their own traits Bronya was grateful she had enough love to share with them both.
Their relationships were never complicated because they loved each other equally, though she admitted that sometimes it could be difficult to express her feelings to the two Seeles without making the other felt left out. Fortunately, Kiana was there to offer her some advices at the expense of Bronya having to listen to the Kaslana and her teasing. Kiana had more experience about love life that even Bronya acknowledged, which again she would never tell on her face even if someone were to put her at gunpoint.
It was also thanks to both Seeles, however, that it could work. They understood her more than Bronya understood herself, always caring and taking things at a pace they both were comfortable with when it come to Bronya. Luck was a variable Bronya hated to put into the equation but there was no denying that she was very lucky to have Seeles as her better halves.
Even right now she could see the way Seele was staring at her. Scrutinizing and searching through her warm silver eyes like an experienced diver just to find the glimmer of something beneath her pools. Like her namesake, she understood human's soul like nobody else and with her eyes being the windows to it, it didn't take long for Seele to find the compassion there.
They would argue that the other Seele was better at it but Bronya's belief was firm that they both were equally just as skilled. Ignoring the fact that this Seele would often water down her honesty, she was still Seele and they all shared the same traits.
Bronya smiled briefly at that, remembering another Seele she just only met a few days ago. An interesting individual in her eyes that each time Bronya saw her, she could feel the adoration reserved for her own beloveds only. She couldn't help it. With the way she carried herself, it was like looking at a combination of her own Seeles and the result was very interesting, being both familiar and foreign at the same time.
When she confessed her feelings to the other Seele, her dearest had been amused while Bronya felt nothing but embarrassment. Bronya knew that Seele wouldn't get jealous or anything like that with how open the three of them were to each other but she still felt a little anxiety and worry which turned to be for nothing.
Bronya had expected Seele's reaction, though. At least somewhat. Both her girls loved to tease her with the other Seele being on the more mild side of it but nevertheless, and Bronya loved nothing more than to indulge them.
Still, it was a shame that Belobog Seele didn't remember their first meeting. It seemed that, although her soul was strong, it wasn't strong enough to completely negate the effect of the Sea and her memory of it was washed away in its dark current. Perhaps, it was for the best. Nobody should know what was on the other side besides Death itself. Even Kiana purposefully erased her memory of it after each encounter with the afterlife, understanding the sacrilege it might bring forth.
"Regrets are the roots of misuse," Kiana once said during the graduation of a fresh batch of St. Freya Valkyries in her speech, giving them a glimpse of a woman who had gone through so much in so little. They all knew that beneath her idiotic tendency was a healed scar that told thousands of lessons but nobody knew it better than Bronya and Mei. "And in misuse regrets are born. Powers don't equal absolute authority, otherwise it will be a tyranny. Acknowledge that your actions don't just affect yourself but also the world around you, so be wise with your choice."
She finished with "I spent a whole night thinking on what to say and almost forgot about it because my Mei is there. Thanks for the distraction, babe, you're so perfectly stunning standing there." Which not just ruined the solemn mood but also gave Mei the darkest shade of red Bronya had ever seen on her face from the embarrassment. The Kaslana had quite the laugh back then but oddly enough Kiana never brought it up again, even more odd considering Kiana loved to babble about her wife at any time possible. Whenever Bronya mentioned it, Kiana would blush deep crimson and shut up instantly which gave her a new meta to silence the Kaslana.
Mei also muttered "She has been taken care of," the first time Bronya asked her about it before she caught herself and smiled innocently at Bronya. Whatever those two were up to, Bronya had no interest in knowing.
Kiana had always been like that so Bronya simply rolled her eyes while the rest of the students who weren't as familiar with the white haired woman and her antics stood dumbfounded trying to process the massive curve she threw their way so offhandedly. Still, what she told them was true to her heart and Bronya knew that it wasn't meant for others only.
Kiana had the power to alter reality and bring back what was lost to the world. It would have been so easy, so simple even, but so risky in and on itself.
The power she spoke of had in it a temptation stemming from a desire for reunion. A reunion with those who had departed for all eternity to beyond the Sea. Kiana could easily traverse its current and meet them, fulfilling her wish for a day where they were all together again like the old time, but she refused to do so because it wasn't meant to happen. Because it went against the Order and everything the Universe held up.
Until the proper time she would have to wait and she was happy as she was. Although she had people she wanted to meet again, cherishing the present and future was what they all strived for and they had been doing just that. The past was a reminder, not a goal to reach for it had been gone and thus was unreachable, nevermind the fact she could.
Cherishing the living, those they actually still had the chance to cherish, was what they should do and Bronya took the word out of the book and laid it down to view. Though Seele said nothing to signal her arrival, Bronya knew it for she had been where Seele was for many of times she could count each lightbulb and the reinforced door lining the concrete walls.
It didn't take long for her first reason to call appeared on her screen.
Her Matushka's face replaced Seele's as the latter all but threw the communication device onto her lap, distaste clear in her action as she had to be in the same room with Cocolia. Seele stood and crossed her arms right in front of the older woman, glaring down at her with her fierce red eyes.
"Bronya wants to speak with you," she grounded her teeth, forcing the words out of her mouth like burning acid. Cocolia looked back at Seele's stare with blank expression, not slightly intimidated by her hatred to her as she picked up the phone.
Bronya heard the interaction through their call and sighed quietly, more than just a little sad with how it went down. It had always been like that with this Seele and so far Bronya's attempts to bridge her with Cocolia had been met with failures. She just hated Matushka that much for what she had done to the other Seele and nothing could change it.
To her credits, Cocolia hardly reacted to Seele's less than thrilled visage and if anything, she simply looked tired. That was one thing her Matushka had been for the past years; tiresome and melancholic with regrets eating her brittle bones and weak flesh off her body.
Gone was her youthful beauty Bronya knew so much, replaced by creases and permanent frowns that came with age and stress. She wasn't like Belobog Cocolia who, despite their ages being roughly similar, still radiated beauty and dignity. No, her Matushka was the definition of a withered flower who showed nothing but former glory of its bloom it was actually saddening to see it gone.
"Bronya?" Cocolia wondered out loud as she looked at the screen and Bronya, despite herself, couldn't help the small smile from blossoming on her face when their eyes met through the call. "Well, this is highly unusual," she continued with a glance towards Seele, meaning the words not to only the obvious.
Seele, this Seele, wouldn't visit her without Bronya's company and even then she wouldn't want to meet the woman they called mother if she could help it. In the past decade, she and Cocolia had only exchanged a handful of words and even then it was done out of necessity.
"Hello, Matushka. Are you well?" Bronya greeted warmly, hiding her turmoil from the older woman as best she could. Judging from the way Cocolia's gaze settled on her, though, it was anything but successful.
Yet, she didn't comment on it. "I'm fine, you shouldn't concern yourself with me too much."
"How could I not? You're my mother."
"... did something happen?" Cocolia asked next and Bronya's smile wavered briefly. "You look a little out of it. Why didn't you come all by yourself?"
Seele returned the glance Cocolia gave her at the last bit with a sneer but didn't say anything, content to glaring at the wall instead the woman knowing it would only worsen her mood. It was nobody's secret that Bronya liked to come and visit Cocolia whenever she could, if not from her frequent leave then the invitations she kept asking to either Seeles. Of course, she would rather have Bronya nowhere close to Cocolia but Seele didn't want to keep her dearest from one of few she could call family. Even if Seele despised Cocolia, Bronya had nothing but love for her.
"I'm currently away," Bronya answered simply. "I wouldn't be home for a long while."
"You working?"
"Da. I'm with Mei and Kiana so you shouldn't worry."
"Did something happen?" Cocolia repeated, though this time with a hint of urgency in her tone. Having Mei with Bronya was normal with the two of them often crossing paths on their missions but Kiana? Last she checked, Kiana was still on the Moon attempting to neutralize Honkai. Not to mention if Bronya was working, that meant the three of them had to work together and anything requiring Kiana and her powers could only mean one thing; dangerous.
Bronya had no intentions to burden Cocolia with the knowledge, that was to say the woman before her had no rights to know of her assignment. Although Overseer Theresa hadn't strictly told her nor Mei to be secretive about it, confidentiality was the norm in their line of duty.
Whoever not a part of Schicksal had no business in knowing its conducts without the Overseer's express permission so nobody except the closest of friends and family knew of their whereabouts at the moment.
One might argue that Cocolia fell on the second category but due to her history, Bronya knew she couldn't just tell her everything. She might trust her Matushka, but none of her friends did after everything she had done to them. Not like Bronya blamed them.
"You can say that," Bronya answered curtly and her mother nodded in understanding. Telling her stories during her visits was one thing and even Cocolia understood Schicksal's Standard Operation Procedure. She was one of them once. "I... suddenly feel like seeing you."
"You can see me any time you want, Bronya." Cocolia told her softly, detecting the barest hint of sadness in Bronya's tone. All those years ago, before all her misdeeds, Bronya was a normal girl who smiled and cried like many other girls her age. Gifted as she was, she was still a child and Cocolia understood children best. Her mistakes costed Bronya her emotions and she regretted all of it but now she had mostly healed, she could see a glimpse of the girl she took in back then.
Bronya was strong, stronger than most being in existence even. Yet, even the strongest of armor had its weakness, its vulnerability in certain circumstances. Cocolia saw not a reality bending Herrscher or the genius tech master and hacker everyone feared and admired. No, she saw Bronya, one of her children she loved dearly even if that love sentenced her into her own damnation.
"You know I'm not going anywhere," she added as a joke and Bronya smiled bitterly.
"Recently, I can't help but think how true that is. I wish for you to be with me forever but I know that's impossible." The first trickle of tears felt warmth on her cheeks and Bronya hastily wiped them with the back of her hand. Staring at her wet fist for a second, she shook her head in an attempt to compose her emotions, to no success. "One day, you would be gone and I wouldn't have a mother anymore and I realize how lonely that sounds to me."
There's plenty of things Bronya feared and a lot more she didn't. As a Herrscher owning the Authority of Humanity's future, she could deal with almost all the problems and enemies the Universe might throw her way. But one thing scared her the most, one she had the power to manipulate but knew would never do because it would cost too much and just plain wrong.
She couldn't rewind time, nor could she cut the thread of destiny itself. Those are Kiana's and Mei's powers. But as Truth, she could still tweak with space-time even if it's marginal compared to her best friends' abilities. Bronya was aware she was the weakest between the three of them in term of raw power, yet if given the opportunity she could still change a lot of things.
Cocolia was frail. She was old in both mind and body. Bronya feared that their time together would come to an end soon which was why she'd been trying to mend the relationships between her Matushka and Seeles to the edge of desperation.
She didn't want them to have regrets because the marching of time was one of those things Bronya feared of.
"You are not alone anymore, Bronya," Cocolia began gently and Bronya was reminded of the way she would comfort her in the distant past. "You have your own family now."
"I know. Mei and Kiana are like sisters to me and the bonds we share run deeper than blood."
"Don't forget Seele."
A smile found its way to Bronya's face, one that was mirrored by Cocolia. "I'll try to make her happy."
"You both will. You have no need of me anymore and although my dream of seeing Seele wearing a dress has become just that, a dream, I know that you both are the best of fit." Realization found Cocolia who hummed quietly as she glanced at a certain redhead in the room as her. "The three of you are."
Seele scoffed but didn't say anything back. She knew that Cocolia wanted nothing more than to reconcile with her children and she genuinely loved them all with her heart. Still, her wrongdoings left a terrible taste on Seele's tongue she couldn't bring herself to accept the gesture much less return it.
Her other self's reason was different to her. Wherein she hated Cocolia for what she did, the other Seele hated herself for forcing Cocolia to do what she did. Of course, it wasn't true in the slightest since Cocolia had been experimenting with people even before that so her hands were not exactly clean either but she was an idiot to the bone she couldn't see it. It was just one of her other self's defining tendencies so Seele couldn't bring herself to blame her for it.
She cared for people and their feelings too much she would always go out of her ways to help them whenever she could it was a miracle nobody had yet to try and take advantage of that kindness, something Seele made sure would never happen under her careful watch.
So, even though Cocolia tried to humor her, Seele merely rolled her eyes at her.
Afterwards, Bronya continued to share her experience with her Matushka, barring the sensitive details that would only raise more questions like the existence of their counterparts and the Stellaron. Her mother had no business in knowing them but she did tell her about other, less important things.
Cocolia listened to her story mostly in silence, offering comments here and there to Bronya to let her know she had been listening. She liked to hear Bronya's stories whenever she came to visit because it was the only way she could learn that everything was well.
Through it all, Seele was silent and unmoving from her position, displaying patience that would've been odd a long time ago on her.
The first to return was the trio, their arrival signaled with a brief flash that caught Bronya's attention. The quiet was broken by March's rather enthusiastic voice as they engaged in conversation. Well, it was mostly March talking with Dan Heng listening and Stelle quipping every now and then.
They walked past her, smiling in greeting in March's and Stelle's cases while Dan Heng nodded almost imperceptibly towards Bronya.
"Oh, hey." March greeted and stopped, peering down at the open book on the coffee table curiously. "What are you up to, Bronya?"
"I'm currently on call with home," she told the pinkette just when Stelle joined her after parting with Dan Heng. Gesturing at her phone propped on the table, she continued. "There's a few ideas I'd like to consult with my girlfriend that might be useful for our game projects."
"Your girlfriend?" Stelle chimed in with a tilt of her head, also looking at the phone. It was on and displaying a video call but there was nobody on the other end, just the interior wall of some kind of building. "You mean Seele? Where is she? Can I say hi?"
"She's taking her orders. It's lunchtime where she's at. She should be back soon." Bronya explained. "What about you guys? Is everything done?"
"Yeah. Our dear Supreme Guardian sends her regards, by the way," Stelle continued distractedly, still looking at the screen expectantly. She was curious about the other Seele Bronya called a lover, mainly because she wanted to know how they ended up together and how different she was to Belobog Seele. Looking back to the way Bronya handled the latter, they must not be too different if Bronya knew what to say to appease the fierce girl.
"It's unfortunate that I couldn't bid my goodbye to them personally but I didn't want to deal with the questions and attention, too. They will visit us, right?"
"They will, just not any time soon with how busy they are."
"I've also told them to message us prior to their arrivals so we will know when," March added and Bronya nodded approvingly.
"That's good."
"Oh, you guys are back." Another voice joined in and they turned their heads to its source, revealing a smiling Himeko who approached them. "So, how was it? Bronya has told me about her experience and I'd love to hear yours."
Stelle shrugged. "It's fun, I guess."
"I also heard you were..." The redhead deliberately trailed off, unsure how to phrase her words as she gestured at Stelle's chest. Bronya had been direct about it, too direct in fact she almost gave both she and Welt heart attack when she told them that Stelle had died.
"Oh, that," Stelle chuckled dryly, hand subconsciously went to the spot where she was impaled to death before. The fabric of her coat and shirt was torn to pieces it was thanks to Bronya she still could keep it after she repaired them for her. "It was certainly an experience, one I honestly don't want to experience again."
"I'm glad you're alright, though I'm curious how you managed to pull such a feat to begin with."
Stelle shrugged again at that, helpless in giving the answer because she wasn't certain how herself. She remembered pieces and flashes of it. The feeling of having thousands of eyes staring at her as an ancient presence filled the ethereal realm. Then, the next thing she knew she already had the lance in her hand as heat washed over her skin and flesh. "I don't know," she offered, looking at Bronya in hope that she could give the proper answer. She had learned that the three Herrschers were very acknowledgeable regarding the Universe, at least the more mysterious parts of it.
So when Bronya shook her head, Stelle couldn't help but deflate. "That's not something I know, either."
"Yeah, figured. You're not from around here so I don't blame you."
Bronya shrugged. "We are not omniscient. None of us knows everything, although knowledge itself is just a matter of looking for the right question."
"Rather than how," Welt said as he sat down across of Bronya, in his hand was a small sketchbook he then put on the coffee table. Bronya took and opened it without waiting for permission, silver eyes going through the pages silently. "I think the appropriate question is why. From what I could gather, it seems that Lord Amber themself had their gaze on Stelle here so why is the question. Why are you chosen and be given their blessings?"
"Is it possible because of the Stellaron inside her?" March asked Welt, frowning in thought. "Or maybe because she's a Trailblazer?"
"Akivili is favored throughout the cosmos," Himeko supplied as she closed her eyes in thought, arms crossed over her chest. "And although the concept of 'friend' is not common between the Aeons, suffice to say that Akivili was as close as one to many others."
Welt nodded. "Akivili was well regarded because unlike many others, their goal was rather simple and harmless."
"Wait, hold on." Stelle raised her hands to stop the barrage of speculations. "Blessings? So, not only Qlipoth brought me back to life but they also blessed me? But I don't feel any different!"
"You have the control lance, have you not?" Welt asked rhetorically as he leaned back on his chair. "The power to wield it and the fire that fueled it come from Qlipoth. From what I understand, it's been a symbol of Preservation in Jarilo-VI for so long. First, it controlled the ice in hope to preserve all life but now it has become the fire that melted the ice to once again preserve all life."
"But I wasn't the only one to ever wield it. In the past, countless Supreme Guardians had been using it and their will was just as fierce."
"Which brings us to the topic; why."
"It wasn't just luck, either." Bronya added, fixing Stelle with that flat stare of hers. "You've been embraced by Preservation."
"Embraced?"
"Your soul was put in their dominion, being safe kept until your resurrection. See, I believed we've mentioned this before, that the world does not allow a soul to gather its pieces, and they went their way to protect yours specifically before the Sea could claim you. That, I believe, meant that you're special in their eyes now."
"So, what am I now? Am I still a Trailblazer or an Architect?"
"I don't think that necessarily mean you've changed Path," Himeko assured with a smile. "Just that there's more possibilities for you to travel."
"Think of it as an extension," Welt told her as he summoned two cups of coffee with his power, giving one to Bronya who accepted it with a nod of gratitude. He caught her stare of disbelief at his blatant abuse of power and smirked. "After all, it's convenient for everyone."
Stelle and March shared a glance while Himeko chuckled.
"Don't worry too much about it, hun." Said the redhead. "If it turns out to be dangerous, you have four god like beings covering your back. I'm sure they'll figure a way out if it comes to that."
Himeko flashed them another smile, this time more to reassuring, before she turned and left towards the locomotive. Now that almost everyone was back, she could prepare and plot for their next destination. Kiana and Mei should be back soon from their businesses.
"So..." A familiar voice drawled, slightly distorted and synthetic, and both March and Stelle looked down towards its source on the table. "You guys done?"
A pair of red eyes stared back through the screen, belonging to a face so familiar they would've mistaken it to someone they knew if not for the red hair framing it.
"... Seele?" March mumbled tentatively yet in the silence it might as well had been a lightning strike. Seele's red eyes found the pinkette and she instinctively flinched back at the sharpness behind that gaze.
"Who's the brat, Bronya?" Seele asked Bronya instead, although her eyes were still set on March. Despite the virtual barrier, it was still as if she was looking at the depth of their souls, drinking in the rivers of life flowing there. Something about her gaze seemed unreal, borderline non-human, as the pools of crimson were too much like blood.
"That's March 7th and that one is Stelle," Bronya introduced them both, pointing who was who. She didn't sound bothered by Seele's gaze, instead nothing but adoration was visible in her own eyes. "They're the younglings of the Astral Express along with a boy named Dan Heng."
"I see." Finally, Seele broke the eye contact as she looked down to slurp on her soda. "You're training them?"
"No, but we've been guiding them. Kiana, however, has her eyes on Stelle."
Stelle blinked at the mention of her name, head snapping to look at Bronya in surprise. "She does? What does she want from me?"
But it was Seele who answered, voice oddly sadistic that not even Belobog Seele was known to use. "Oh, Kiana? Girl, you better be ready, then. She picked a thing or two about training from Durandal. That is including her grueling, relentless series of trials. Good luck, you're gonna need it."
"Durandal?"
"Her sister," Bronya answered Stelle's question.
"I thought her name was Bianka?"
"Durandal is her middle name."
"Which is also a sword. Those Kaslanas are weird." Seele quipped and Bronya snorted. "But they're also a strong bunch so you're in the right hand."
March then proceeded to pat Stelle's shoulder in sympathy. "Well, you do need that good luck from the sound of it." She said somewhat jokingly.
"Oh, I wouldn't be so smug about it, March." Bronya cut in with a little, devious smirk. "You still have Mei to worry about yourself."
"Huh, what?" March asked, baffled.
"Mei saw one of you died. She doesn't take children under her care dying lightly. Which is why you should start expecting something similar from her."
Welt hummed in agreement, taking a sip of his coffee and smiling. "That's Mei for you. She loves the children under her watch like they were her own and it pains her greatly to see kids suffer." He gestured at Stelle with a nod. "Seeing you die is probably one of the worst things she has ever experienced."
"She doesn't seem like she's bothered by it much."
"She's also great at hiding her feelings, only a few can understand her."
The last bit was accompanied with a meaningful glance towards Bronya who hummed noncommittally. She knew how Mei was and understood her more than anyone else that wasn't Kiana. Hell, she'd lost count on how many times the purple haired woman went to Bronya's place in seek for comfort after a particularly harrowing day.
Mei had always been like that. She and Kiana weren't much different in that regard which was probably why they fit each other so well, simply because they understood one another. Unlike Kiana, however, she had always trusted her friends and didn't hesitate to share her feelings if asked.
When Mei left to join World Serpent a long time ago, Bronya was surprised but not doubtful about her intentions even after she beat Kiana and left her in the wake of her actions. Bronya knew that, although Mei didn't say it out loud, each hit she delivered to Kiana hurt her more than the Kaslana and that each slash was like a blade to her own bleeding heart.
She knew because Mei was nothing but kind and caring. She knew because Mei loved the world even if it hurt her.
Once, her world revolved around a certain Kaslana only but along time it expanded to those under her care. Sure, it wasn't the same love she reserved for Kiana but it was love nevertheless and Mei had done much in the name of love before, even going as far to turn her back to it if it meant preserving said love.
It was nobody's secret that Mei would do anything to protect those she loved and Mei loved her pups.
God help those dare to harm them because not even Kiana dares to stop Mei when she is dead set on killing something she puts her mind to.
Just when Bronya finished thinking about her best friend, said best friend suddenly emerged to existence with a flash in the Parlor Car. Not a second later, another flash occured and another one of her best friends also returned.
Both Kiana and Mei stared at one another before the former laughed, earning a grin from the latter. The Kaslana then went to give her wife a hug which Mei reciprocated readily. "Oh, didn't know you'd be back so soon," she said as she planted a quick kiss on Mei's cheek.
"I didn't want to make everyone wait," said Mei as she patted Kiana's head adoringly. "It seems I was just in time, too."
Kiana hummed, finally releasing the taller woman. Turning around, she was faced with four pairs of eyes all looking at her and Mei. "Hey, guys," Kiana greeted, pulling Mei along with her to join Bronya and the rest. "Is everyone back? Where's Dan Heng?" She asked as she joined Bronya and the rest with Mei right on her tail, looking around the Parlor Car in search for the young man.
"Oh, right. You didn't know this but Dan Heng volunteered to keep on records of our recent journey. He's probably in his room doing just that," March told her and Kiana nodded.
"I see," she drawled as she peered over Bronya's shoulder. "Oh, Seele? You guys on call?"
"I think that's obvious," Seele replied with a huff, still the smile on her face was obvious. "How are you, Kiana?"
"Good, good." Kiana ran a hand over her hair and sighed. "A little sleepy, though, so I think I'm going to hit the sack after this."
"Bronya told me of what you did. I think you deserve a little more rest considering the handicaps you have to deal with."
"Yeah, well. It's not like there's much to do now that everything's done." She turned towards Mei next, smiling a gentle smile. "You coming?"
Mei pondered the offer for a second before she shook her head regretfully. "Later. I still have to compile a report for Overseer Theresa." She kissed Kiana on the crown of her head then, both as an apology to Kiana and comfort for herself. "You get some rest."
Smiling, Kiana nodded. "Okay. Later, guys."
The Kaslana bade her goodbye to the group, heading straight for her shared room. Mei, after watching her dearest go, proceeded to sit on one of the sofas and pull her phone out, silently typing said report.
"I suggest you girls get comfortable," Welt told the teenagers then. "We're about to depart."
"Well, I sure hope we don't run over people this time," March joked with a laugh that had Bronya chuckling along.
"I'm sure the Idiotka is a one in a trillion individual in this Universe."
"That's a shame," Stelle said. "Kiana is a great person. More of her wouldn't hurt."
Bronya's smile turned tender at that and she nodded along, her tender gaze meeting the stars outside the windows with something indecipherable dancing in it.
"Yeah..."
The Nameless and their journeys were rarely peaceful with bumps inevitably rousing in their ways, ready to slow and hinder them from reaching their destinations on time.
It also ranged from something as simple as an unexpected technical issue, to a galaxy-spanning threat they would need to solve and prevent so they could carry on their journey.
But oftentimes, it wasn't as trivial or grand. Sometimes, it could be a mere personal conflict that stopped them on their tracks and had them pondering on their own predicaments. Of their own destiny, as one might call it.
Because, even a hero was no more than an individual with their own will and doubts.
Perhaps, it was what made them special to begin with. A person no different than others who rose in time of great perils and, whether out of needs or necessity, went to fight the malice of the world. Powers, strange or powerful they might be, were eventually useless if not used so everything began with one thing; drive.
What drove someone to pick up the sword and stand tall against the tempest if not their own will? What drove someone to carry on in the face of overwhelming odds even if they knew it was futile?
It started with courage. Not power or title but courage. Courage was to defy fate. Courage was to continue even in fear and doubt, regardless whether it would be triumph or doom waiting for them in the end.
The people from Herta Space Station and Jarilo-VI hailed her as hero, yet as Stelle lay on her bed in the safety of her room she was no more than a confused teenage girl, anxious and uncertain about herself all thanks to a certain woman.
Kafka.
Her existence was akin to a ghost to her, a spectral image in her memory that blurred and flickered like fire in a cold winter. She was there but not there, exist and not exist in her fleeting recollection. At least, from what she remembered of the woman.
She arrived just like such, under the glow of emergency red light that bathed the Parlor Car as Pom-Pom was forced to cancel their transition into hyperspace. A second bump in their road but while before was a joyful reunion of old friends, this was anything but. This was a dreadful encounter that heralded crisis and conflict.
There was never a pleasantries for her presence was the exact opposite of pleasant. Although it was nothing more than a projection of her actual self, a mere veneer on the sculpture, it was revolting just the same to the rest of the occupants.
Her words, distorted as it was by the sheer distance between her and the Crew, carried with it an alluring danger that made her skin crawl. Her mind might have forgotten it but her body didn't. It still remembered the terror that beautiful voice had sown on countless people in the past.
"Hello, Astral Express." She had said then as her purple gaze swept over everyone, stopping on her in a nearly imperceptible way if not for the small, coy smile ever so subtly tugging on her lips. Stelle could do nothing but to stare back with wide eyes, lost in those dead magenta like a drunken soul in the depth of wine. "Long time no see."
The meaning behind those words wasn't lost on her, understanding just what the woman was implying. Stelle remembered her, albeit imperfectly, in the flashes of her own dreams. Dreams of a past denied to her.
Himeko came rolling from the locomotive, jumping down the high ground instead of using the stairs to confront the uninvited guest with such heat in her tone it broke Stelle out of her daze. She had never seen the woman so pissed before and it frankly scared her. "Kafka," Himeko spat, saying the name sitting on the tip of Stelle's tongue she couldn't quite utter. "Always one to make a scene."
The elusive woman laughed and if it weren't for her nature Stelle would've found it attractive and compelling. But she knew. She knew behind that laugh was a sinister woman bereft of remorse.
"You must be our esteemed Navigator," Kafka said as she strutted towards the redhead, walking past everyone including a very alarmed Bronya and Mei. "Himeko, right?"
"Scram," Himeko hissed, not even acknowledging Kafka's attempt at talks. "There's nothing for you here."
"That's where you are wrong, dear." Kafka began to circle the other woman, her gait almost casual if not for the knowing smirk she had. She stopped behind Himeko after the third circle, looking beyond the redhead's shoulder and straight towards Bronya and Mei before, once again, her gaze stopped on Stelle. "You picked up some interesting people I'd love to know more about."
Kafka stepped forward then, completely phasing through Himeko's body. The black umbrella in her grip flickered and disappeared and, much to their surprise, Kafka suddenly bowed towards Bronya and Mei. "Your Highnesses," she greeted with utmost sincerity it baffled both women with how suddenly her tone shifted. "I am Kafka of the Stellaron Hunter, a warrior of vanity and a woman stripped of her fear."
She straightened up then, eyes flicking towards Stelle with a gleam of something.
"I am also a mother of one you call Stelle."
It couldn't be true and it possibly wasn't. Kafka was known to inflict deceit upon the populace for her own gain. After all, it was easier to create terror in a confused society and it was what she was good at.
And yet.
And yet, she sounded genuine.
Everything afterwards was a blur to Stelle. Kafka didn't even elaborate the metaphorical bomb she had just dropped on the crew. No, confusion was what she was after and she got exactly that.
She went on to explain of her intention and although Stelle's mind was in jumble, she still caught a few things about Xianzhou and Stellaron. The next thing she knew, she heard Himeko agreeing to the devil's proposal and they decided to make a detour to fulfill it.
Kafka left not long afterwards, her eyes twinkling with open smugness and satisfaction. She got what she wanted and Stelle couldn't help but feel like a lamb being led into a cage of tigers.
"The Luofu is a day away from us," Himeko announced for the rest of the Crew, her tone was anything but thrilled. "I suggest you take a rest until we arrive."
Stelle did just that. Or at least, she tried to do just that. For an hour she stayed in her room, sleep was but a distant prospect for the girl as Kafka's words continued to echo in her skull.
"I am also a mother of one you call Stelle."
She had never thought of that, actually. About parents and stuff. Stelle didn't remember any of that. For her, it was as if her life began on Herta Space Station, shortly before Dan Heng and March found her alone and helpless. Still, she had always found it odd that although she remembered none of her past life, she still remembered basic social courtesy to not seem like a fool, retaining some knowledge about the Universe she hardly remembered.
It was a work of Kafka, of course. She still remembered the hazy image of the woman as she whispered words to Stelle almost in what one might describe as fever dream back in the Station.
Kafka was cunning. It was one of her many terrible traits. She did everything with cold calculations, never wasting resources unless in the most dire of situations. She knew the Express would find and pick her up. She knew that Stelle would be a Nameless.
It was all a part of her plan, whatever it might be.
So here she was, wondering on something she desperately wanted to know yet too afraid to truly comprehend. Kafka obviously wanted her here, to fulfill a role forged and paved for her own gain and it scared Stelle because all she had done so far was all orchestrated by Kafka.
She worried what she might become in the future and it was so, so frustrating.
A knock from her door nearly made Stelle jump. It wasn't even loud but in the silence it might as well be a series of gunshots. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, Stelle cleared her throat and told whoever it was to enter.
"Hey," Kiana said as she stepped inside, immediately stopping as she took in the state of Stelle's dark room. "Woah, dude. Gloomy much?"
Stelle glared at the woman, her golden gaze reflecting the only source of light shining from outside her window which none other than the hyperspace itself. The Express had entered Warp a while ago, travelling in light speed to reach their next destination.
"What do you want, Kiana?" Stelle didn't mean it but her tone came out harsher than she intended. Thankfully, Kiana didn't mind it as she casually strode in.
"That's a dangerous question, you know." She sat on the edge of her bed then and Stelle caught a glimpse of sadness in the woman's eyes as she stared mesmerized at the passing stars. "I want a lot of things, things I can't gain without paying too much prices. Would it be worth it? Of course. But only if I was that selfish."
"Then, what is the alternative? What do you want me to ask?"
"You? Nothing. But let me ask you this; do you believe in destiny?"
The question caught Stelle off guard, both because of how sudden it was and how serious Kiana sounded. Kiana was now looking at her straight in the eye and in the dim light of her room Stelle could almost make out the glow in those sapphires.
"I don't know," she answered after a long pause. "Destiny is an abstract prospect but I know just because it can't be seen, it doesn't mean it's not there. Does it really exist?"
"Do you want to know?"
That was a good question, actually. Kiana was a ruler of the Universe, her powers allowed her a lot of things and peering on the Order was one of them so what she was going to tell Stelle was not without basis either. Still, looking back she truly wanted to know whether what she had gone through was someone's machination or her own destiny, that she was there out of her own volition and not someone's else.
"Yeah."
Kiana smiled. "It does, and it's more simple than many think."
"What do you mean?"
"Destiny is like a string, right? That's the best metaphor people come up with to meet human's comprehension. But what people don't know is that it's not taut but rather the opposite, it's loose and easy to manipulate by outside force."
A golden thread materialized over Kiana's palm, its glow illuminating her soft skin. Stelle sat up to stare at it, fascinated by the way it stretched and danced in the air.
"Yet, it's still a string." Kiana continued as the thread moved over itself, intertwining until it became one coalesced ball. "Even if you twist and jumble it this and that way, there's always a beginning and end of it."
Two ends of the thread slithered out from the ball, the beginning and end Kiana spoke about. "Destiny is one with life but they're different. Your destiny won't end when you die because it's affected others even if you don't intend it."
More threads came into existence, one was pink and the other was green. They moved to join the golden one, creating even a bigger ball with multitude of colors on its surface and inside it. "So, it doesn't matter what you do because you end has been predestined. All the encounters, all the triumphs and pain in your journey will always be there regardless. It sounds convenient because it is. Your story is already written, you just have to go through its pages."
"So, you're saying I'd be here regardless?" Stelle muttered thoughtfully.
"Yes. This is where you're supposed to be. Not because someone made you but because it's your destiny." Kiana allowed the ball to disappear, turning it into an explosion of color that rained around them as embers. "What you do is of your own doing."
The girl stood up and began to pace in thought, all the while Kiana watched her with her tender gaze. She would let Stelle think, to make her own decisions. She had done what she could to pick the girl up in her moment of crisis.
It was one of many things she had learned as she grew up; to let the younglings make their own decisions even if it hurt them. Her job was to ensure they're in the right path, nothing else.
"... I'm heading out," Stelle suddenly announced and Kiana blinked inquisitively.
"To where?"
"Herta Space Station," said the girl as she unplugged her phone from its charger and pocketed it. Putting her shoes on next, she didn't waste a second to put the rest of her outfits on. "I need fresh air."
Kiana nodded in understanding, standing up herself. "Okay. Don't worry about the others, I'll tell them."
"Thanks." Stelle grabbed her coat and made her exit, Kiana close in toe. After putting her coat on, she turned to face Kiana with determination burning in her golden gaze. "I'll find the answer myself," she said resolutely and Kiana grinned.
"Atta girl. Don't be late for dinner, though."
"I won't be long."
She turned and left without another word, heading straight for the Parlor Car. Stelle was just about to open the carriage separator when Kiana called out to her.
"By the way, dude. Your mother is hot as hell. Not as hot as my Mei, though, but she's definitely up there."
Stelle wrinkled her nose in disgust as she glanced at the Kaslana. "You're unbelievable."
Kiana's laughter reverberated in the empty carriage "I'm joking! My Mei is still number one!"
Shaking her head in disbelief, Stelle opened the door and stepped through into the next carriage.
Only to freeze in her step.
Kiana wasn't there when Kafka came... How did she know how she looks like...?
She turned her head around, slow and almost trepid in the motion, to face the carriage behind her.
It was empty.
The Kaslana was nowhere in sight.
A soft purple glow burned through her eyelids, rousing her from the shallow slumber and dream of a world so distant it was almost incomprehensible. She opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the gentle brightness now bathing her room while the rest of her sleep slipped away.
"My Queen," an unfamiliar voice called to her, coming from the light beside her bed, and she turned towards it to find a woman kneeling with her head bowed down.
"Who are you?" She asked, tone a mixture of wonder and suspicion as her blue eyes raked over the woman's purple mane, the only thing she could make out of her head with her face hidden in the shadow of it.
"I am Kafka, Your Highness." She answered humbly, still refusing to look up and it made her frown in discomfort.
"Kafka?" She muttered in thought, memories bringing her up to speed to a certain scene stored in her head. "Wait, Stelle mentioned you before... Are you a friend of hers?"
"Friend..." The kneeling woman chuckled dryly. "I dare not to claim myself as such. At least, not anymore."
"What do you mean? And can you stop that? You're making me uncomfortable with your... courtesy."
"By your will." Kafka stood up then and for the first time she stared at her in the eye, surprising her with the sheer vulnerability in those purple orbs. "She was a friend before, but her path now is different to ours. She is free and not free. She is precious and disposable to me."
"Precious?"
A smile. "She is my destiny, my Queen."
She scowled. "Enough with the riddles, just be upfront with me. I'm not good with riddles."
"It is not my intention to mince my word but in the face of destiny, nothing is certain," said the woman. "I'm not you, my Queen. I cannot peer into it and change it however I wish."
"... you know what I am."
It wasn't a question. It was a statement and Kafka was quick to catch it.
"Of course, but it's a mere speculation. There was nobody like you before. Your existence is none of this part of the Universe. Your presence alone is murky to see even in the eyes of Destiny's Slave himself. You are an anomaly, an unknown variable and a new addition to the game. Your power alone does not conform to the established rules, my Queen."
"Stop calling me that, will you? I don't like being called that."
"But isn't it true? You are capable of rewriting and altering destiny itself. Doesn't that make you the Goddess of the Universe? A Queen to all existence? After all, you rule over them."
Kiana abruptly stood up to her feet and Kafka immediately moved back when she walked towards the window despite her lack of physical body. She stood there in silence, looking over the frozen planet that was Jarilo-VI as it spun lazily on its axis.
"What do you want, miss Hunter?" She eventually asked, looking back over her shoulder towards the woman standing at a respectable distance behind her. Her blue eyes glowed slightly and none of it because of the light reflecting through the window pane.
"I came here with a message, a question and a request, Your Highness."
"I'm listening," Kiana said as she turned around, hands clasped behind her back as she regarded Kafka fully.
"The request... is mine and mine alone."
"Stelle," Kiana stated.
"Yes, Your Highness," Kafka answered with a nod, not slightly bothered by the fact that Kiana had been reading her mind with the Authority of Sentience. "She is precious to me. It is my humble request that you protect her in her journey. I can rest assured knowing you are there to keep her safe."
"You didn't have to ask. Stelle is my friend. I keep my friends safe."
"I am grateful of your generosity, Your Highness." Kafka bowed again and Kiana fought the urge to scowl, maintaining a neutral expression instead. "Now, for my question..."
"You have the power to alter one's destiny but you have not... why is that?"
TBC.