— Chapter 8: Deliberations —
.
.
In the hours since he had left Cathar, Ryden had hardly managed to shake his unrest. Alek had sat behind him on board Lamar's Republic shuttle in silence, likely feeling the same way. Neither of them knew what to say; what words could truly be appropriate after what they had seen?
When they arrived on Coruscant, the air was less cool, and the sky less vibrant, than Ryden had remembered. It had only been a couple of days since leaving, and it had felt like weeks. Home no longer felt so safe. It was ironic, but he had felt safer in those final moments on Cathar than he did now on a planet so distant from the galactic bloodshed. It had more to do with Master Kae than anything, Ryde supposed. 'Arren Kae,' he mentally corrected himself. He had no wish to keep tying her name to her former Jedi days anymore - it was as though his anger at her sudden departure was fading quicker than he could have hoped. Lamar's argumentative nature with her seemed insatiable, to the point that Ryden could no longer truly blame her for running away. Especially after learning that the Council fled from the war in much the same way.
As Lamar silently led the two Jedi friends through the hangar of the Jedi Temple, Ryden found himself thinking of his quarters. While he was looking forward to getting a long rest in his bed, another thought was playing on his mind. A mix of dread and sadness weighed him down slightly, thinking forward to all the mornings and nights he would be spending in the same room, alone. His small, curtained window used to be his escape; staring out over the ecumenopolis of Coruscant was once energising. A promise of a day he would get to see the vast wonder of the galaxy. Now, he wondered if the view would just be tantalising. Once he returned to normal life within the Temple walls, he would never get to fulfil his great desires. The Council would certainly make sure of this. He would likely never be made Master, or be trusted to extend diplomacy to faraway worlds. A lonely, unfulfilled Jedi Knight was all he would likely ever amount to.
He had to make sure his path would not lead him to this outcome, he thought. Looking down at the mask that was laid next to him, he remembered the promise he had made himself.
.
Walking through the Temple halls behind Lamar, Ryden half-expected the Padawans and Knights heading in the opposite direction to stare. After all, it should be no secret that two Knights stole a shuttle and trespassed in a warzone. But nobody made eye contact, even for a second. The Jedi were not trying to avoid Alek or Ryden, they just simply did notice them walking along. Slightly surprised, Ryden frowned.
Did they not know? Had the Council really kept this under lock-and-key? Ryden stopped himself from smirking slightly at the thought. 'How frightened must these Masters be?'
Even so, Ryden felt the tiniest pang of pity watching the unsuspecting young Jedi pass by. Children were sparring in the training halls - being trained during a war some hardly even knew was being fought. If Ryden got what he really wanted - if the Jedi did go to war - would they grow up to simply be casualties? They were not being raised for any kind of conflict; the Order was failing them and they did not know it.
Contrary to almost anybody in the Temple, Ryden now knew what it was like to nearly die on the battlefield. It was a fear unlike anything he had felt before, and the thought still made his heart race. Yet at the same time, it strangely energised him. As frightened as he was in those moments, he did not feel so turned away from the idea of battle. It was when time slowed - weapon in hand - that he had come alive fully. Thinking quicker than he had ever done, and experiencing those times when his training clicked in his mind and his instincts allowed him to win, he felt invigorated. All these Padawans around him were being half-taught to use their weapons, but few of them would get to feel the pride and the power Ryden now held.
.
.
"There is no denying the accusations against these two." Lamar said, upon entering the Council chambers. He had summoned the rest of the High Council during his arrival, so that when Ryden and Alek sheepishly walked into the room, all eyes were on them. "Only days ago, we convened to deal with their actions outside of the Temple-"
"-Alleged actions." Master Zez-Kai Ell cut in. "But continue."
"Regardless." Lamar snapped. "Between their illegal seizure of a Republic vessel and steadfast refusal to return to the Temple - choosing instead to travel to a wartorn planet at the behest of an exile - I am frankly astonished."
The Council was silent for a number of minutes.
"Perhaps we are to expel the two of you." Master Bala Nisi said, staring at Ryden and Alek. Her sharp cheekbones and wide eyes gave her an almost unnaturally stern expression.
"It would certainly be a reasonable consequence." Master Zhar Lestin agreed. The crimson-skinned Twi'lek eyed Ryden disapprovingly. Master Lestin had trained Ryden for a short time, before leaving to train students in the Jedi Enclave on Dantooine. He was not often here on Coruscant anymore, so seeing him look so disappointed stung Ryden a little.
Lamar sighed, running a hand through his grey, receding hair.
"I believe that this would be a hasty decision." His voice was bitter with disdain, but he swallowed this down. "You two have broken laws, yes, but the Republic does not wish to press charges against either of you."
Alek and Ryden remained silent, but they both secretly felt a shared sense of relief wash over them.
"You may have somewhat impressed Admiral Karath, but in doing so you have cost us a piece of our reputation."
Ryden felt his body clench slightly as anger rose up at these words. He had so much he wanted to say, but just about managed to bite his tongue.
"I fear that the Republic may expect more involvement from us. That is simply an expectation we are unable to meet."
"Unable to…" Ryden blurted out, but quickly froze. 'Oh, kriff this,' he finally thought. He had already begun - why not continue? "Forgive me, Master. But 'unable to?' You've seen what's going on out there." He was aghast, and as much as he wanted to rant, he could not find the words to say.
"You're correct, Kildar. I have seen what's out there. And if Grand Master Tokare was here with us, he would agree."
"Remind me - where is he again?" Ryden asked, almost taken aback by his own brashness.
"Enough disrespect, Ryden." Lestin shook his head.
"As I was about to say…" Lamar continued. "These two have dodged legal consequences, and willingly returned with me - despite Arren Kae's persuasion."
Ryden's hands balled into fists, but he could not afford to dig himself a deeper grave by retorting.
"They are most certainly in the wrong - but things can be put right. This is why I suggest we strip them of the honour of becoming Masters until we feel that they have earned this right back."
The chamber became filled with murmurs among the seated Jedi before they all fell silent again.
"This is acceptable." Lestin nodded, not taking his narrowed eyes off Ryden.
"I agree." Bala Nisi sat back in her chair.
"Perhaps this will make it clear that you two still have much to learn before you can be trusted with passing these teachings onto anyone else."
Alek audibly grunted unconvincingly.
A few moments passed before Ryden spoke. "What will happen to the victims on Wayland? And to Master Tokare?"
A number of Masters all looked at one another with troubled expressions.
"There is to be a Senate hearing in two rotations," Zez-Kai Ell finally answered. "I believe they will be pitching a plan to resolve the medical supply shortage."
Ryden hesitated. "If they're looking for volunteers-"
"That's enough, Kildar." Lamar said, firmly.
Looking around the room, he took a moment to notice all of the concerned and worried faces that surrounded him. But only one stood out - Master Kavar himself. Ryden had never really taken notice of him, despite him sitting on the High Council for as long as he could remember. Kavar's brow furrowed in response to the prolonged eye contact, but Ryden did not care. All he felt was the familiar anger writhing within him once more.
"Do you have anything more to say?" Zez-Kai Ell sternly spoke. Looking back around at the Council as a whole, Ryden opened his mouth. He knew that speaking would be a bad idea. He could hardly contain his thoughts anymore. After what he had seen, however, this discussion seemed so small. So unimportant.
"If you don't do something, Master Tokare may die."
Alek looked at his friend - half impressed, half concerned.
"The will of the force is not something we question, Kildar." Lamar firmly spoke. Ryden stood silently, utterly incredulous, for a few seconds.
"You're terrified of what's out there, aren't you?"
"I think you should leave." Lamar said, standing up and indicating the exit with one arm.
"Master Lamar. With all due respect, there has not been a day that you haven't treated me with the kind of contempt I expect from a bounty hunter, or a Sith."
Lamar clenched his jaw in anger.
"But a Jedi?" He looked around at the room. "What are you all so afraid of?"
"Silence." Master Kavar stood up, as well. "You must leave now, before we reconsider our decision about you and your friend."
"Don't you dare." Ryden turned to face him directly. His anger was apparent, and both Kavar and Alek looked almost horrified. "You do not get to pass judgement when all of us here know what you did, all those years ago." He looked at Lamar again. "To claim neutrality. To tell me you will not and cannot go to war while we stand in the same room as one who did." He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. 'Kae was right,' he thought.
Staring directly at Lamar, he stepped forward from the middle of the Chamber. "All this time, you've treated me as if I'm a grenade about to go off. All these years, you've delayed and delayed me getting my own Padawan. Why? Why are you so afraid of me? I thought it was the Council that found me in the first place, took me in and trained me themselves?"
At this point, Ryden was practically yelling. But, angry as he was, he could not help but notice that each Jedi Master had lost their appalled expressions. Their eyes had all dropped, and they were looking closer to sombre than anything.
"What is it about me that's so frightening?"
Silence. Nobody said a word for a few moments. Master Zez-Kai Ell was the first to look up.
"He has a right to know."
"That's not your decision to make," Lamar snapped.
"Nor yours." Kavar finally spoke, looking up at Ryden with an expression that could have been warmth.
"Tell him." Bala Nisi quietly spoke.
"Tell me what?" Ryden frowned. Alek stepped forward to be next to his friend, eyeing him with a level of fearful concern. Lamar hesitated, seeing his fellow Council members all staring at him.
"Tell me what?" Ryden re-iterated forcefully.
"That we've had to be cautious around you, Kildar. It's our duty." Lamar looked equal parts ashamed and frustrated.
"What are you talking about?"
"When you were found… The Council couldn't be sure but, well…" Lamar sighed again. "Everything you know about how you were found is true." He sounded quieter now, but could not look Ryden in the eye. "The Council discovered you abandoned somewhere in the Outer Rim, set adrift during an attack.
"Right…" Ryden said slowly, confused.
"But the Council wasn't there because of the attack. Ryden…" He hesitated. "The Republic led us out there, claiming the area was a sanctuary of some kind… A sanctuary for Sith sympathisers and Acolytes."
.
.
Once upon a time, there lived an almighty Sith Lord named Marka Ragnos. He served as leader of the first Sith Empire - and his name alone was legendary to all who knew it. The power he held was incomparable. He was a black hole of energy and passion; an anomaly among the force-users of the galaxy. For over a century, his existence was a blight upon the universe, and the Jedi lived in fear of his wrath. They were right to.
His Empire was united and unstoppable. There seemed to be no sign of weakness among the ranks of the Sith. Under the rule of Ragnos, there would be no end to the terror for anybody. Not for the inhabitants of the planets that the Empire claimed, and certainly not for the helpless Jedi.
And then, one day, he died. Of all things, it was old age that took him - as in the end, no battle could. Though the rumours of his lingering presence still persevere, his absence shook the Sith. Their glorious Empire was damaged irrevocably, and they crumbled at the first sign of pushback from the Jedi. It had been over a millennia since, and try as they might, the Sith had been unable to reach such a height since.
That was until a great uprising spread like a dark plague from planet to planet, causing the Jedi to suffer greatly. In the hopes of recovering the power of the days of Marka Ragnos, proxies of the Sith caused some of the strongest Jedi Knights to fall to the dark side in a matter of days. These traitors led armies against the Republic, even reaching Coruscant on their bloody conquest.
Eventually of course, despite waning odds, light prevailed. The fallen Knight Ulic Qel-Droma was redeemed, and ended the war with a decisive victory. The fall and the redemption was a vicious cycle in war.
Yet the influence of the Sith remained. Marka had been dead for centuries upon centuries - and so had any other Sith that could have rivalled him at any point in history - but darkness could never be fully stomped out. Perhaps this was the inevitable result of a universal balance in the force, or perhaps the Sith were simply thorough in their widespread teachings.
In the years following the end of the Great Sith War, many Jedi Knights were dispatched across the recovering galaxy to confront those attempting to keep the Sith religion alive. Remote planets along the Outer Rim were often home to cults or villages full of Zealots and Acolytes. In many cases, small towns were held hostage by fallen Lords in order to provide protection, but the Republic hardly cared. Many innocents were killed even after the war ended; sacrificed to ensure their surrounding Sith were annihilated.
It was during this time that a decades-younger Master Tokare, along with a group of Jedi Knights, found themselves on the shore of a distant planet, staring out over a glassy lake at a wall of fire and smoke on the other side.
.
Once upon a time, a village stood where the flames now danced. Republic intelligence had pointed the Jedi in its direction - warning them of a coven of old Sith. Not that that mattered now, of course. Anyone who could have posed a threat to them was dead. The only explanation for the violence were the shattered corpses of the Mandalorian invaders that some of the Sith had managed to defeat, before perishing themselves. Whatever remnants of the Mandalorian armies that had become involved in the Great Sith War had fled the planet. Everyone else was dead.
Tokare eyed the carnage sombrely. He had come here with the intention of negotiating some kind of agreement with the alleged Sith they were supposed to find. He could not bring himself to understand the reckless violence with which the Republic were handling the Sith-hunting. Even if they were users of the dark side, they did not deserve to be slaughtered in their homes like this.
It was while he was surveying the icy lake - which shone amber with the reflection of the burning land - that Tokare noticed something peculiar. A small wooden box was floating calmly across the surface of the water towards the shore nearby.
Pointing it out, Tokare led the group of Jedi over to intercept the crude container. The small, green Jedi reached out with the force to guide the box carefully onto the sand before them, allowing the others to rush over and carefully remove the lid.
Tokare was just about tall enough to peer within, gasping when he laid his eyes on the cargo - a tiny, sleeping baby. No more than a few days old, the child seemed peaceful and content as he lay in his bundle of dirty blankets.
At first, nobody seemed to know what to do. Eventually, one of the Jedi Knights leaned over and picked the baby up - being careful not to wake it.
The sound of crying soon began, however, as the wind picked up and the child awoke. The Jedi Knight clumsily tried to soothe it, but to no avail.
Tokare reached out his arms, prompting the Knight to pass him the baby. It was so young and small that even Vandar was able to carry him with ease. The old Jedi closed his eyes as he took the child, channelling an inner serenity through his hands to the small body he held to calm it. He frowned, however, when he felt a strong resistance.
"What's wrong, Master?" One of the Knights asked, her face lined with concern at the events unfolding.
"This young one…" He began, looking down at the crying child. "I sense the force in it. It's strong."
"What do we do?"
Master Tokare hesitated, staring out over the lake. The child's home was gone. Its parents, its family, were dead.
Perhaps the Order was the only hope this baby had for survival; they would nurture it, hone its force sensitivity.
The child was now the Order's responsibility, as had been the case for so many young Jedi across time - the Temple was full of the orphaned casualties of war, after all.
This baby would not be the first time this happened, and certainly not the last. War had claimed far too much, and the Jedi had found purpose beyond fighting. They would protect their own from the dangers of this constant bloodshed. The Sith may have been defeated, but now even the Mandalorians were spreading their terror.
It was on that day - once upon a time, when the Jedi, the Sith and the Mandalorians all converged on a planet far away - that Ryden's path began to unfold.
.
.
'Is Ryden even my name?'
He wondered why it had taken him so long to wonder this. Everything he knew had just been turned upside-down, he supposed. The more his mind spun out of control trying to process what had been revealed to him, the more he felt his veins flaring with anger. Those were the moments he had to dig his nails into his forearm to snap out of it. Ever since his night on Cathar days… No, only hours. 'Only hours?' Ago, his only familiarity was the constant steaming anger that had been bubbling within him. Even his own quarters felt foreign now - nothing was as it seemed.
His anger was dangerous now. It must be, he was Sith, was he not? Or perhaps this was just him panicking. Catastrophising, Kae would say. No, he was not Sith. He shuddered at the thought. 'That was proof enough, surely?' He shuddered again. 'Yes, it must be.'
He tried to take a deep breath, but hardly tasted any oxygen.
How had he gotten back to his quarters? Had he been escorted, or had he stormed out of the Council Chambers?
'That's right,' he remembered Alek leaving him at his door, worried and speechless. Ryden had not wanted to talk in those moments. He was just pacing now. His boots hurt his feet; he had been walking all night, after all, considering that his time on Cathar technically occurred that same evening.
.
His mind was firing off in all directions. Shaking his head, Ryden threw his curtains aside to stare out over the skyline of Coruscant. For a moment, he thought it was on fire… but it was just the blurred amber lights of the infinite blocks of buildings stretched out forever. He tried to focus on one of the ascending cargo ships. This always managed to calm him.
But the ship was taunting him. Gliding up and up into the inky sky without looking back, practically laughing to itself about Ryden's position. All alone. Stood in his room, hurting. Burning. Unable to leave the Temple. Unable to stay calm. Forbidden from being as angry as he was. Of course he was angry. He wondered why the Council was so frightened of his anger for a second, before he remembered again. Anger, hate, fear… All Sith thoughts.
His anger, his hate, and certainly his fear… All because he was Sith.
'No.' He thought again. 'I am not Sith.' He thought of Kae, and then of Meetra. If either of them were here, they would be able to make him understand better than he could. All he wanted was to be comforted by Master Kae. But he was not a Padawan anymore. He had to deal with this alone.
'Of course the Jedi were afraid of me,' Ryden reasoned with himself. 'They were afraid of what I would become.' Just as soon as he began to calm down, his veins grew hotter again. 'They decided that they had to fear me before they even knew me.' He gritted his teeth, before he sat on the edge of his bed to pull his boots off - trying and failing to give himself something else to think about.
'I can't even remember any of this,' he suddenly thought, sitting up straight. He almost started chuckling in a desperate attempt to find some amusement in the thought. 'All this worry and I don't even remember it.' He was a baby after all. 'What if the Council's lying?' No, why would they lie about this? 'They lied about it in the first place.'
Rubbing his temples, Ryden moved further along his bed, so that his back was up against the wall. With his boots finally off, he at least felt comfortable.
'I'm not Sith,' he reiterated mentally. The logical side of him found solace knowing this. 'The Jedi meant well trying to keep this a secret. After all, it changes very little. Whoever my parents were, they're gone. I was found not far from death, and taken in by the Order. I've been raised a Jedi, so here I am.' But even that sentiment felt less comforting than before. The Temple walls felt smaller now. He was happy to be in his own bed, but that was far as his happiness extended. His eyes no longer dwelled on the view of the city outside his window. He only paid attention to the ships soaring off the planet's surface.
His anger scared him more than ever. He knew he had every right to be furious, to feel betrayed, but he could not stop the fear from creeping up on him.
When he turned to lay on his side, he spotted the Mandalorian helmet staring up at him from the corner of the room. The thin, black visor seemed to be watching him intently. The promise he had made himself came to mind, and he found himself calming. As long as he hoped he would live up to this vow, he found a strange comfort in the mask's presence. Fulfilling this promise would have to mean that he was not confined to the Temple forever. He closed his eyes.
The Mandalorians would have to pay.
.
.
The next time Ryden saw Alek, it was when they sat down for lunch the next day. Ryden had spent the morning in a trance - having exhausted himself with his own thoughts the previous night.
The lunch hall seemed quieter than before. Voices were hushed. Conversations had become murmurs. Upon entering, Ryden expected faces to spot him, and people to begin whispering around him. He wondered if anyone knew the truth about him. But nobody had taken notice. The mood had shifted around the Temple, but none of it was aimed at him.
.
"How are you doing?" Alek asked, sitting opposite his friend.
"Nobody knows about us." Ryden muttered, having no desire to speak about what the Council had told him. He knew that Alek would understand, which he silently appreciated.
"I suppose not. I wonder how many of them have been told about Wayland."
Ryden shrugged, but the idea had occurred to him. Something had drastically dampened the usual energy of the building and its inhabitants, but he could not tell what. The two of them were silent for a little while.
"I may not know what you're feeling at the moment…" Alek began, pausing with the difficulty of finding the right words. "But I know what it's like for your life to have been shaped by the Mandalorians."
Ryden looked up at his friend.
"Yeah well, at least you're not Sith."
"That's not fair. I don't know what I am. I fled, and the only living memory of my village is the surname the Republic gave me to commemorate it. Squinquargesimus."
Ryden nodded, looking down at the cold plate of food in front of him. He had not meant to undermine Alek's past for pity.
"Another thing we have in common, I suppose."
"What's that?"
"Both of our names were chosen for us."
Alek paused. "Maybe that's not all. Sometimes I wonder what it would've been like had the Republic not found me." He indicated to Ryden. "I mean, you wouldn't be a Jedi if they hadn't discovered you themselves."
Ryden did not know what to say.
"Look, the Sith are gone." Alek finally said, quietly. "You're a good person. No offence, but you would've made for a terrible Sith Lord." He chuckled, prompting Ryden to weakly do the same. "Whatever happens next, you don't have to let go of how you feel or what values you hold. At the end of the day, not much has changed; you were taken from the wreckage of your old home, and raised here. Just because the details are different now, doesn't make you different."
Ryden nodded quietly. He could only sense truth in Alek's words, but a part of him was still angry. He was frustrated and ashamed that he could not come to this logical conclusion so quickly.
"Still though, it's interesting." Alek added, looking curious.
"Why's that?"
"Living here so long. I think we've both wondered what it'd be like to study more than the Jedi would let us."
Ryden did not respond. His friend was right. His desire for knowledge around the Temple had not ended with his advanced training with a lightsaber. Kae and Kreia had done their best at showing him more than he was used to at a young age, but beyond that, his countless days in the Jedi Archives had led him to push for the books and holocrons he knew he was forbidden from reading.
.
When they had finished eating, the two friends stood up in silence and left the hall. Still filled with Jedi, the place remained eerily hushed. Heads were low, conversations were murmured. As detached as Ryden was feeling from himself, and as far away as everything seemed, even he could not shake the idea that things had changed around the Temple. Everyone was off, the atmosphere was strange.
The sound of a commotion pulled Ryden's attention from the ornate, red carpet beneath him and up across the large corridor they were travelling down.
"Please, he didn't mean anything… It was just a stupid mistake." Someone was pleading. A small crowd had gathered around one side of the hallway, blocking Ryden's view of the wall.
"Silence, Knight." A blunt voice rang out from within the gathering.
A couple of Jedi Masters silently guided their Padawans away from whatever was going on, continuing down the hall without looking back. The young Padawans, however, threw glances over their shoulders intermittently, seemingly transfixed.
"What's going on here?" the harsh voice of Master Zhar Lestin called from behind both Ryden and Alek. The crimson-skinned Twi'lek passed them, his presence causing the small crowd to disperse.
Two Temple Guards had grabbed a firm hold of a young Jedi, who was looking defiantly at his feet.
"Why is it that you have accosted one of our Knights?" Lestin asked, eyeing the two Guards seriously.
"He has been caught vandalising this Temple."
"I see." Lestin muttered, spotting something on the wall. Ryden tried to peer over the Council Member's shoulder, but still could not see what it was.
"Follow me to the Council Chambers." Lestin instructed, having taken a moment to inspect the vandalism. "We shall discuss this matter in private." Before he started walking, he turned to look at the gathering around him. "Leave at once, all of you. I am sure you all have important matters to attend to." Spotting Ryden, he narrowed his eyes for a second.
"You can't expel him." A young Jedi said, arms folded. "He's right."
"Silence." Lestin shot her a severe glance, before leaving, prompting the Guards to guide the guilty Knight away with them.
The Jedi, all muttering amongst themselves, disbanded slowly. Exchanging a look of curiosity, both Alek and Ryden made their way to where they had been standing.
Along the wall, scorched into the stone with a lightsaber, a message had been carved crudely in aurebesh.
'Mandalore will burn.'
Ryden could not find it within him to smile, but when he kept walking it was with a lighter step.
.
.
"Escort this Knight back to his quarters." Lamar sighed. "Make sure he is packed with haste, and then assist him on his journey back to Alderaan."
The guilty Knight stared at the Master with a clenched jaw, before turning and leaving. The Temple Guards who had taken him in left behind him, as ordered by the Council.
As soon as the Chamber doors slid shut, Lamar exhaled, eyes shut.
"Let us not be mistaken here." Master Lestin began, looking down at the intricate, red-and-gold floor, which shone slightly in the daytime. The mammoth glass windows that arced above the Jedi Masters were glowing with afternoon sunlight, interrupted slightly by the glorious skyscrapers that stood tall beside the Temple. "This is a dark sign."
"I sense great unrest within these walls." Bala Nisi nodded, looking grave. "This does not bode well for the Order."
"I fear that the balance is disrupted." Master Kavar ran a hand through his light hair, his relatively young face seeming aged with concern. "Perhaps my choice so long ago will be the undoing of this peace we have tried to maintain."
"The Order has persevered through greater threats." Lamar spoke, looking at Kavar directly. "I fought the Sith last time, and I had these same fears. But the choice to involve you in this conflict was not your own, Master Kavar. Admittedly, it was all of our mistakes."
"I worry about one student in particular." Somebody said, leaning forward. The rest of the Council turned to face the cold-faced Master Atris, who scanned the room sternly before continuing. "The Knight Ryden Kildar has caused more trouble than we ought to allow."
"I agree." Lestin nodded. "When he was my student, I found admiration in his thirst for knowledge. I fondly recall the advanced sessions I gave him and his friend, Alek. They were curious and strong for their ages, which I felt pride in. I now fear that I should have been concerned."
Lamar stroked his chin, eyes narrow. He had watched Ryden strike down a Mandalorian Warrior in single combat, and even before that had held his own strong concerns for the boy's disregard for the rules. He had spent much of the previous night awake, privately worried about having told the young Knight the truth about his past.
"I am deeply concerned about his personal involvement in the Padawan Meetra Surik's training."
"With all due respect," Zez-Kai Ell cut in, "we agreed as a Council despite these concerns that-"
"-We have seen how his influence has pushed the boy Alek toward similar foolishness; trusting him not to do the same with her seems short-sighted." Atris snapped.
"She is a far more capable student than you give her credit for." Zez-Kai shook his head. "As I am sure Master Lamar can agree, her training is all but complete. Once she returns from her duties on Wayland, she will be a strong and valiant Knight for this Order - despite Ryden."
"All I am saying is that we do not know how far this influence has spread." Atris sighed. "Even with Kildar aside, the vandalism this afternoon proves we are right to be concerned." She turned to face Lamar. "Something must be done."
A number of the Council Members grunted and nodded in agreement. Lamar closed his eyes for a moment, deep in thought. 'If only Master Tokare were here.' Looking up, this thought gave him an idea.
"We will hold a ceremony tonight." He finally said, receiving some expressions of surprise and confusion. "After the attack on Wayland, we have to publicly denounce the violence and show the rest of the Order why we will not go to war."
"How will we do that?" Asked a visibly-skeptical Zez-Kai.
With all eyes on him, Lamar began to explain.
.
.
The announcement of a ceremony had surprised Ryden greatly. Considering everything that was going on, he was in no mood for celebrations. Having initially decided against attending, he could not shake the feeling that there was something odd about this sudden event. The reasoning eluded him, but he was curious enough to want to show up regardless of how he really felt.
It was as though his mind was in another body, now. Nothing was quite right; everything seemed so different. Perhaps it was just him, he had thought. No. Trying to tackle his feelings logically, he did not feel like a different person. He was the same person, the same Jedi, he had always been. 'Ryden Kildar.' Although, that name stung slightly now. It left a slightly bitter taste as it left his lips; after all, who had really given it to him?
No. He was no different. It was the rest of the Galaxy that was off.
.
Much of the Order had congregated in the Great Assembly Room, filling up the seats of the grand auditorium layer by layer. Ryden entered as the last of the Jedi were filing in, spotting Alek towards the back of the hall with a seat saved alongside the closest aisle.
Warm lights were illuminating the darkened room through slots in the domed roof, which gave the space a cosy effect. Ryden did not feel comfortable, however.
"We have gathered you all here this evening to celebrate a member of our sacred Order, and to remind ourselves of the importance of our teachings." Lamar's voice rang out, hushing the chatter in the auditorium immediately.
He, and the rest of the Council, stood in a line along the back of a large podium in the centre of the massive room.
"There has been a great deal of confusion for many of us lately." He continued. Ryden frowned. "Republic matters have concerned us greatly, and we wish to address our recent involvement."
He paused as the hundreds of Jedi present watched in silence.
"But first, we - the High Council - would like to award a member of this Order for her unwavering bravery and valour; traits which are vital among the Jedi, and much admired."
Turning to face a member of the audience close to the front, he extended an arm.
"Bastila Shan, if you would join us."
The young Knight was frozen. All eyes were on her. Having no idea what to do, she turned to the person next to her, hoping to see Meetra beaming up at her - granting the support she needed right now - but a Padawan she did not recognise simply stared back.
Legs shaking, Bastila stood up and began to make her way over towards the closest aisle. Everybody was silent. She felt sick. As she walked, she could feel the grazes in her legs from the Mandalorian attack sting, but she did not react to the pain.
Cuts still visible around her chin and cheek, Bastila did not feel comfortable being presented in front of all of these Jedi.
Slowly, she stepped up onto the podium as Master Kavar approached, holding a small, fairly unremarkable, medal.
"We present to you, Jedi Knight Shan, the Medal of Courage for your efforts to assist the Order." Lamar smiled.
Her throat dry, Bastila simply nodded. She could hardly bring herself to flash a fake smile back; her mind was a mess. 'Why are they doing this?'
Kavar lifted the medal over her head. The thin ribbon felt uncomfortable on the back of her neck.
.
Ryden had leaned forward in his seat, utterly bewildered. He could not for a second figure out why the Council would publicly do this. As if on cue, Lamar turned away from Bastila to continue addressing the audience.
"As you are all aware, our involvement in the crisis on Wayland has been the source of some controversy. In trying to do the right thing, we made things worse."
Ryden could feel his insides bubbling again. His eyes narrowed as he watched each member of the Council watch the proceedings with emotionless faces. All except for Master Kavar, whose eyes were on the floor.
"We have the Knight Bastila Shan with this medal as a token of recognition for her willingness to carry out such duties in the midst of Republic warfare." Lamar continued. "However, it is also a lesson for us all. Sending our Jedi out there was reckless and dangerous. We endangered Shan's life, and the life of our Grand Master Tokare. Naturally, we pledge to avoid the Mandalorian conflict forthwith."
Before Ryden could even process what he was hearing, voices rang out from nearby. A number of Jedi Knights, all around the auditorium, began to speak out in protest. Some muttered, others yelled. Ryden's mind was clouded in his burning anger once more, but this display of protest cut across his rage - he began to look around, feeling almost a sense of pride in what he was hearing. Though Alek's blue eyes were darkened with anger, the corners of his lips twitched when he caught his friend's eye.
"Silence!" Lamar shouted, a vein in the side of his head bulging temporarily before he collected himself with a deep breath.
But the yelling did not end. People were standing now and pointing. Others stayed seated, calmly ignoring the protest.
Eyes screwed shut, Lamar looked down at his feet in resignation.
.
'Why have they done this to me?' Bastila thought, still standing atop the podium with the Council. The medal felt heavy on her chest. Watching many of her fellow Jedi - about a third of the room - all yelling and standing, she shook her head clear of the doubt and fear she had been feeling towards the Council. She would not stoop to the level of the Knights and Masters acting fools. 'The Council had a reason for this.' Biting back tears, she stood taller and managed to compose herself. 'The will of the force is not to be questioned.'
.
Finally standing up with his fellow Jedi, Ryden watched as some began to turn their backs on the podium and leave. From across the room, he caught the eye of Master Lestin. Even at the back of the auditorium, he could see clearly the crimson Jedi's narrowed eyes. He could have sworn the man shook his head, almost willing him not to leave, before Ryden looked away. He could see another one of the Masters - Atris, the white-haired Echani - staring at him. Her face was always cold, but somehow she looked even more serious than usual.
Turning to face Alek, the two of them shared a momentary, knowing glance before making their way towards the nearest aisle. Neither of them looked back as they walked quickly up the stone steps and out of the arched exit.
.
After a few minutes of walking beside their fellow Jedi, something in the corridor they were heading down caught Ryden's eye. He realised that they had found themselves in the very same hallway as earlier - the one in which the Knight had etched his message. But the message was not visible anymore.
Approaching the wall for a better look, Ryden frowned as he realised that a large, golden banner had been draped over the wall - hiding the carving. Across the fabric, a message had been left in aurebesh.
'There is no emotion, there is only peace.'
Fists balled and hands practically shaking, Ryden could barely contain his bubbling anger. He had had enough.
.
.
The two friends had retreated to the outside of the Temple after leaving the ceremony. Having taken a seat at the top of the mammoth stone steps leading up to the entrance of their home, they had calmed their inner tensions in the soft night-time breeze for a while. The distant sounds of vehicles and spacecraft skirting the tops of the glorious apartments and business districts gave Ryden a deep sense of reprieve.
Minutes passed in silence.
"This is my home." Alek began, speaking slowly. Ryden turned to look at him directly. "But I don't think I can spend another day living here with the Council presiding over us."
Alek was right; the Temple was their home. As much as Ryden agreed with him, the idea of leaving this place was saddening. Until only recently, the walls had felt so safe. He supposed that seeing more of the galaxy and its bloodshed had made things too real - the illusion of safety was gone to both of them.
The cool breeze picked up again, sending a shiver down Ryden's back. A cloud must have passed over the moon, as the space around them seemed to grow darker.
"I can't imagine having an entire life here anymore." Ryden said, truthfully. He thought of Kreia, who was old and - though wise - had not seen much of the galaxy to his knowledge. Her life had been devoted to the Jedi Order, but clearly this was frustrating for her. He had always figured that she did not think to leave since this was her home, but in her seeming entrapment, had grown weary of the standard Jedi teachings.
Ryden knew for certain that he did not want to lead such a trapped, frustrated life. Instead of using his powers for good, to help others, he would simply exist for public display to bolster reputation and fall into the same pit of resentment of his teachings.
Not that he needed any more resentment towards the Council.
"What do we do?" Alek asked, meeting his friend's eye contact.
"I… I think it's time we left."
"And go where, exactly?"
"I'm not sure yet. We could contact Kae to meet with her somewhere. She could have a place to plan our next moves."
"Just us three against the Mandalorians then? I mean, would the Republic accept us? We're a little less than they're hoping for."
"I don't know. I suppose it doesn't take much to realise that people will fight." Ryden thought back to the protests at the ceremony. He had sensed a change in atmosphere around the Temple, and suspected shifting attitudes, but to that scale? It was electrifying to think about.
"If we left, if we did something," Alek began, "who knows who could follow us if we asked."
As much as Ryden found the idea alluring, he had to stifle a chuckle.
"My friend, nobody's following either of us into war."
"Why not? We're the only ones who've actually been out there. We've fought Mandalorians - we've seen for ourselves the devastation in the galaxy."
"They don't know." Ryden said, shrugging. "The Council must've kept quiet about us leaving, or perhaps nobody noticed. They care about the war, but you must've noticed that we seem invisible to everyone."
There was silence for a few moments.
"A lot of them clearly want to fight." Ryden sighed. "It'd be a waste of numbers if none of them got to. All those Jedi, and not one of them being given the chance to actually do some good."
"They need a leader. Someone they can respect, look up to."
"Well, neither of us are particularly 'looked up to', and as for other candidates… Kae's not even a Jedi, and at a stretch there's Kreia, who nobody knows about unless they do, in which case they're probably afraid of her."
"Fair enough." Alek smiled. "I just think it'd be foolish if we tried to leave without finding some way to appeal to them."
Ryden thought for a moment.
"I don't think it's about who is leading them into battle. I think it's more to do with 'what'."
"Well then 'what' would lead them?" Alek asked, frowning.
"Something that could redirect all that faith they've been saving for the Order." Ryden paused. Truthfully, he had been thinking about this for a while. "All that the Council wants is diplomacy. I think that if the Order was shown someone who was willing to deal with the war harshly and effectively, they would want to trust them."
"A warrior, instead of a peacekeeper."
"That's what we must all become." Ryden nodded. "If we want our Younglings to be diplomats and peacekeepers, then we have to get our hands dirty."
Alek hesitated for a moment.
"Do you think you could lead the Jedi into war?"
The question hit Ryden hard. Such a monumental position of authority came with astounding responsibility. He had not seen much conflict, although his advanced training had prepared him for the day that he would come to face violence. He had always subconsciously waited for when these skills would be useful. Although he had forever been told that he would never see battle, a small part of Ryden's mind had disagreed at all times.
"Yes." As unqualified as he often felt in the eyes of the Council , Ryden was not lying.
"Then why couldn't you?"
"They'd never follow me. I may believe in the same cause, but I'm not the kind of man they'd let lead them into war. Instead of a specific person - instead of me - they need an idea to unite around. A symbol." Ryden's mind was ticking now as he spoke. The idea of leading Jedi into war was alluring. He knew that such a fantasy was foolish and unwise, but he had longed for the chance to do good amidst the ongoing war; yet he had never thought that many surrounding Jedi felt the same way.
"What symbol?"
It was at this question that everything clicked in Ryden's head. The Jedi would never follow him into war, but if he were to change himself somehow - to become something new - maybe… Maybe… He had a chance of doing the good he had always dreamt of doing.
"Something that proves my experience, shows I will not shy away from violence or bloodshed, if necessary." He responded. Alek frowned.
"Like what?"
Ryden smiled.
.
.
The Mandalorian mask stared up at Ryden from the corner of his bedroom. Gleaming in the moonlight, there was a haunting beauty about the dead soldier's mask that made Ryden feel oddly safe. As though it had been watching over him. Protecting him.
Reaching over, he picked it up with both hands and lifted it to his eye level. The visor stared back. He understood the pull he had felt, now. It was not random, or just the result of an imprint in the force after the Cathar had been slaughtered. No. The force had been trying to tell him something.
All this time, and he only now understood. The Council had lied to him about his past, and had made him doubt his own being. Every time he felt anger, he was fearful - what if being a Sith never truly left him after birth? All these unanswered questions he now had, all because of how the Council had handled him.
The mask had called to him to tell him to let go. For the necessity of the war, he had to become something new - something bigger. A symbol in the hopes of sparking a Jedi revolution.
Never would Ryden have thought he would be in this position. But as he placed the helmet over his head, everything went quiet. Everything was right.
Anger burned in the Jedi's heart. As the visor lowered over his eyes, he glimpsed a flash of the female Mandalorian.
"I don't know your name." He said to the air where she had appeared for a second. "But I take up your cause. I know what I must become. I will not remove your mask until there is justice…" He took a deep breath. "Until the Mandalorians have been defeated once and for all."
.
.
"I sense purpose within you." Kreia spoke, her face pointed toward the distant ambience of the city, far away from the balcony on which she stood with Ryden. "This mask you wear, what use will it have?"
Ryden was slightly taken aback by her astuteness. He had not said a word to her, and despite being blind she could tell that the Mandalorian mask rested on his face.
"It can't just be a mask. I have to wear it, to become part of it, for this war."
Kreia smiled ever so slightly.
"You are wise. Let us hope the Jedi you wish to lead are wise too."
A few moments passed. Only the whisper of the breeze and the distant starships broke the silence.
"Why is it you called me here?" Kreia finally asked. After all, Ryden had called out to her in the force, just as she had done days earlier.
"I wanted to ask you for the means to contact Kae. I need to let her know where I'll be going."
"Where will you be going?"
"I'm not sure yet."
Kreia reached into a pocket in her robes and procured a holocom.
"This is linked with hers. Take it." Handing it over, Ryden nodded in appreciation.
"Thank you, my old Master."
"Time has passed quickly. You are a much different man now than you were years ago. But you are far more the Jedi than I have ever been, Ryden."
"Thank you." Ryden bowed his head slightly. The compliment felt warm, genuine. He did not know how to properly respond.
"I take it this is goodbye?"
"I believe so, Kreia." He paused. "May the force be with you."
"Indeed." She said, curtly, before turning to point her face towards Ryden's. "I wish you luck."
Heading back inside towards his quarters, Ryden thought back to the plan he and Alek had discussed. The Council had told them that the Senate was going to discuss a way to solve the medical crisis on Wayland. If he was able to attend, he would have to figure out some way to appeal not only to the Republic, but to the Jedi. Given that the meeting would be tomorrow, Ryden did not have long to prepare. But, feeling the helmet sitting upon his head, he hardly worried anymore. Things felt alright now.
A piece of Ryden was gone now; he had let it go. He knew what he had to become - a warrior. A leader. And if it meant winning the war, then this sacrifice was necessary.
It had to be.
.
.