Kim trudged into the bullpen exhausted from not being able to sleep the night before. Mia had had a nightmare so the wanted to sleep in Kim's bed which was understandable. However that meant Milo had to come too. Both kids had eventually fallen back to sleep but Kim couldn't escape the nightmare. Mia had been reliving the terrible events of her mothers attack. While it had been awhile in between nightmares they never got easier. Especially when she had that one. Kim dropped her things at her desk before heading to the break room. She really needed a coffee but didn't want to start the caffeine addiction again. So she settled for hot tea. As she waited for it to steep she heard other team members coming into the bullpen. She never looked to see who. Just focusing on the view outside the windows. The storm may have been brewing inside but outside looked calm and peaceful even if she knew it wasn't.
Adam saw her looking at the windows as he came up the stairs. He was nervous not hearing back from her the night before after pouring out his heart and soul. She looked tense, rigid. It made him wonder if he made a mistake. He approached her slowly not wanting to spook her. "Darling? Everything alright?" Normally it would be Kim at work but it seemed a softer approach was the right move. When she turned he saw the broken look in her eyes. He moved towards her cautiously not sure if it was him or not. When she melted into his embrace he was sure whatever happened wasn't his fault. "Talk to me Kim." He whispered against the top of her head. "Mia had a nightmare last night. Both kids couldn't sleep after that. They finally crash in my bed but I couldn't sleep afterwards. She was relieving the attack. She said she hasn't had one in awhile but it worries me." Kim cried a bit knowing this was a safe place for her to let it out.
"Hey it's okay. The nightmares can't hurt her. It's just a bad memory for you all." He felt the tears soaking through his shirt. "I failed them." She cried softly. "No you didn't Kim. Failing would have been staying with him after he attacked you. You did the best thing for you all. The most brave thing you could do. Most people would never be able to do what you did. We are all very proud of you. Just know that okay." He continued to rub her back as he comforted her. "Thank you. It's just hard to remember that sometimes. Especially when the nightmares keeps my babies up at night. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I had left sooner. But I know that's futile. I just want them happy and safe." She sighed. She also left his hand moving off her back waving someone in the room. She figured someone wanted coffee but didn't want to interrupt.
He watched as several team mates came in to grab coffee. "It's fine guys. Just a bad night." Adam motioned for them to continue getting their coffee and leave. "Back to the serious conversation. Your kids are safe and happy. But most importantly loved. And they know that. You are a great mother Kim. They know that just like you do. One bad nightmare doesn't mean you failed them." He urged her knowing it was every parents worst nightmare failing a child. "Maybe. I think if I had gotten some sleep I would be feeling better. But I'm exhausted and sag my kids ever had to see that. No child should have to live through that." Kim sighed but didn't let go.
In the bullpen the full team had arrived and Voight had stepped out to start the day. He noticed the scene in the break room. "What's going on in there?" He pointed over his shoulder. "All he said was it was a bad night. Sounded like one of the kids had a nightmare about Kim's attack. Probably feels like a bad parent." Erin stated looking around at the team. "We know that's untrue. But parents who survive that kind of trauma always feel like a failure. So give them some time. Let's get back to work." Voight ordered as the team returned to their desks. "So wait they are together?" Upton asked. "Yeah just like Erin and I are together. But Kim's kids are from her ex-husband." Jay replied as he started to work again. Upton looked shocked as she started to work again.
"You ready to get to work?" Adam asked feeling the tears had subsided. "Sure. Let's find this bastard." Kim replied leaving the comfort of his arms. "That's my girl. Let's get to this." He smiled watching her pull herself together and head back to her desk ready to get a rapist off the streets. Adam wasn't far behind her. He was ready for the case to be over with. After several hours the team found what they were looking for, a name which led to the search warrant. The team geared up Adam knew he was desk duty but since it was a search he got ready to head out as well. "I won't engage with the suspect just want to help." He admitted knowing Voight would put up a fight about him being in the field. "Fine. Just be careful." He warned as they headed to the scene.
They arrived at the home of the suspect and entered the premise finding it empty. "I want each room searched and all evidence catalogued." Voight yelled. They got to work search each room looking for anything on the surface or even hidden. The room Kim entered seemed to be empty but she went through each thing throughly. She never wanted to miss anything. She heard her name being called from down the hall and followed the voice. "What's up?" She asked entering the room. "Seen anything like this before?" Dawson pointed to a cork board with dates and used condoms tacked to it. "Um no. Seen lots of panties taken as tokens, driver's licenses, photos, videos, but never this. This at least gives us plenty of evidence." Kim looked shocked and disgusted.
"Yeah this is pretty nasty. But catalogue it and let's get out of here. We can have a patrol car assigned out front." Voight shook his head in disgust as they left the room. "So Burgess why would someone keep this?" Upton asked being very new to rape crimes. "Well for some it's a trophy. Some use it as a reminder of their crimes. And some get off seeing it. It allows them to remember their crime and Jack off to it. Nothing about rape crimes makes sense. And they are never the same. Each one has different reasons and different perversions. We just have to wait and see which one this is." Kim shrugged knowing it was hard to understand. "Sounds crazy! Well hopefully we get this solved soon." Upton shook her head not really understanding any of it.
"Look it's a lot and not easy to understand. But just know rarely do two sickos do the same thing. There are always different and sick elements of the crime. And it will rarely make sense. Just do what you can to get justice for the victims and try to move on." Kim moved to get into the car to head back to the district. "So you this was a disgusting crime scene for different reasons." Jay commented as he drove them back. "Yeah. The panty rape tree in Queens was worse. Evidence of over 100 rapes. The panties stored on a tree in the woods. But yeah this was gross!" Kim stated out the windows. "Sounds brutal. I don't think people give SVU enough credit for what you see you see and do everyday. Living victims are always the worst. Most of our cases are drugs and gang bangers. It's black and white. But victims that take revenge on their rapist, it's a whole grey area that I can't start to understand." He could only imagine all the things she had seen in her years in SVU.
"Yeah it was brutal. But seeing the victims stand up for themselves in court. Take back their power and get justice keeps you going. But you are right, the grey area is vast and wide. I can honestly say that when a pregnant rape victim is told they have to share custody with their rapist and they decide to flee, I don't try all that hard to bring them back to the area. No pregnant rape victim should have to share custody with their rapist." Kim shrugged as they continued to the district. "That sounds insane. But I agree with you. I wouldn't try to hard to find them either. No victim should ever have to co-parent with the rapist. That's insane. I knew that shit happened in back woods states but not in New York. Insane!" Jay looked over at his partner astonished by how strong she was.
"Yeah and it's only getting worse now. With the overturn of Roe, it's become scarier to be a women. It was already nuts having male doctors telling you that you can't get your tubes tied without your husbands permission. Or you are too young and might change your mind. But now 10 years are forced to have babies because they aren't old enough to understand the ramifications of having an abortion. Or have to do-parent with the rapist. And 6 week abortion bans. Don't even get me started. But the worst is the women who have miscarried but can't have the dead fetus removed because it's considered an abortion. Those women can only get help when the fetus starts to decompose and cause sepsis. But men can walk into any old clinic and say they want a vasectomy and it's granted no questions asked. It's absolute bull shit!" Kim ranted and watched her partner go wide eyed and jaw dropped.
"Sorry! Just my little women's rights rant. It's just so hard watching women get raked over the coals for their life decisions but men make the same call and they are patted on the back. Men get to be ladies men and women are just sluts. And it gets used against us in court but not you guys. The double standards are so loud and real in SVU. I went there to make a difference. But it never ends you know?" It was a rhetorical question. "I get it and no worries. It's nice seeing someone so passionate about their job. Even when it's difficult." Jay was impressed with her even more than he was before. "Let's just solve this case. So I can get a nap. I'm beat!" Kim smiled as they pulled up. "Sounds like a plan. I'm sure we could all use some extra sleep after this one." They got out of the car seeing the rest of the team showing up as well. They all headed inside heading straight to the bullpen
"Alright let's find this prick! He's worse than we thought so let's find him!" Voight yelled as he headed back into his office. The team continued to work but the exhaustion was getting to Kim. Her head kept dropping slightly, her eyes closed. She felt someone shake her awake. "Burgess go take a Power Nap. You need it. And it will be dangerous later if you don't." Al pointed to the couch in the break room. "Bless you, bless you Al." Kim headed to the break room closing the door behind her and turning off the lights. Once the door was closed Adam piped up. "Thanks for that man. It was killing me watching her struggle like that." Adam looked over towards her sleeping form. "Not a problem. But in reality it is for all of our safety not just her own. We all need her in top form." Al gave him a knowing look. The one said her exhaustion could cost us a life. Adam just nodded in agreement before returning to work.
It wasn't much longer when they got a lead on their suspect. The team got ready to head out leaving Kim behind with Erin. They knew this wouldn't be their normal apprehension of a suspect since he was a rapist not a killer. But they still went in with vests on. As they arrived it was quickly decided to send in a couple of officers without vests to see if they could make the arrest without causing a scene in the coffee shop. Adam and Kevin headed in seeing their suspect chatting to a pretty girl. "Excuse us ma'am. Could you give us a moment?" Adam asked flashing his badge. The women got scared and left immediately. "Alright let's not cause a scene. You are under arrest for 15 counts of rape. Stand up and put you hands behind your back." Kevin's hand holding him in place. "I didn't do it! I don't need to rape anyone!" The suspect yelled fighting back some but couldn't get far with Kevin's grip. "Shut up! We have the evidence from your apartment. And video evidence of you leaving the scene if the crime. You're done!" Adam pushed the suspect into the car before they all headed back to the district.
"Halstead, Dawson interview him. The rest finish your paperwork and head out. Ruzek, take Burgess home. She's needs it." Voights words were kind and soft. "Of course sir." Adam finished up his paperwork before heading to grab Kim. "Darling? Time to head home. You ready?" He watched her waking up confused. "Voights sending us home. We got the guy, with no issues. You can finish your nap at home." He watched her face turn from confused to relaxed. "Yeah let's go then." She nodded still half asleep. They proceeded to grab their things and head out. He decided to drive them since she was still sleepy and he didn't want to risk her wrecking her car. As he drove he let her nap though he didn't realize she was awake just resting her eyes thinking back to his text the night before. He said he wanted to be a family, he thought of the kids as his own. That he loved them. It was all she had ever wanted to hear but was it too soon for her, for the kids. Of course it was. Wasn't it.
Adam was completely caught off guard when she started to talk. He really thought she was asleep. "We still need to talk about your text last night." It was almost a whisper but he heard her loud and clear. "Yes we do but once we get back to your place and the kids are asleep." He was almost afraid she was going to crush him, that she didn't feel the same way. But he also had hope that she did. And that maybe it was too soon for all of them. He never wanted to assume anything especially with kids involved so he would go at her pace like always, even if he wanted more, sooner. Just like they planned they had dinner with the kids and off to bed. The kids bed time had been surprising for all of them. "Can Adam stay tonight mommy? I feel safer when he's here." Mia asked breaking the hearts of the adults. "Of course sweetheart. Is that why you had a nightmare last night?" Kim wondered if that was why but she wasn't sure. "Yeah always when he's not here." Mia looked sad and almost ashamed. "Hey it's alright. I feel safer when he's here too. Just know even when he's not here you are safe here." Kim kissed both her kids before leaving the room. Adam followed her lead also saying goodnight before leaving the room.
"I guess it's talk time now?" Kim asked heading for the couch. "Yeah I think we need it." He was nervous but he tried to look calm on the outside. "What you said in your text. You know I love you. And you know that someday I want to be a family. But I'm definitely not there yet. I still have a lot of trauma I need to work through. A lot if trust issues I need to work through. But I do want that. I just hope you can wait for me. I have no idea how long it will take but I know we can get there someday. As for you being scared of loving my kids, I get it. It scares me that they like you so much and have grown dependent on you. I'm not used to any of that. I did it all myself for so long and for them to grow attached to you and look to you for comfort is hard sometimes but also heartwarming. It's hard to explain. But just know at the end of the day, I do want it all with you too. I just need more time." She hoped like hell he understood.
"Trust me I get that. I knew that when I sent the text. But I needed you to know how I felt. It was strange coming home to an empty house. I hated it. But I know you need time your kids. Especially after a case like that. So take the time you need to work through your issues. Just let me be there to support you and the kids. That's all I want to do right now. Is love you all and support you all." He barely finished speaking before her lips crashed against his. He reacted quick enough but it was getting too hot for the couch. He lifted her carrying her to her bedroom knowing where this was headed the bedroom was the place to be.
He placed her on the ground before helping her undress. She then undressed him before pushing him on the bed. He chuckled lightly enjoying her taking control. He moved back further on the bed allowing her to crawl over top of him. "What do you want baby?" She whispered her fingers running over his abs. "You." He growled grabbing her hips down so she could feel his erection against her bare skin. "Well looks like we that in common." She winked just before rocking her hips against his erection. "God darling! Stop teasing me!" His body on fire already and she wasn't helping by teasing him. "Teasing? I don't think so?" She giggled placing her palms on his chest. "Yes you are and you know it!" He tried to get her to hurry up. "Tell me what you want?" Kim wiggled her butt a bit more. "Inside you, now!" He whined. "Anything for you!" Kim lifted her hips, lining herself up before sliding down taking him fully inside her.
The couple moaned at feeling connected again. It hadn't been long since they had been together but they needed to feel the other close, to release the emotions from the past two days. They fell seamlessly into a steady rhythm that both stoked the fires but also caused fireworks inside. It seemed like they were the perfect fit, the perfect match for each other. It had always felt right from the very first time but tonight it had felt even more powerful, more emotional. Declaring their love and desires to be a family together one day created this new passion between them. A passion neither had felt before. All the pain of the past had led them to this very moment in time. And for that they were grateful. As the couple came down from their high Kim crashed on Adams chest. Both breathing heavily, both covered in sweat.
"Tonight felt different. Not in a bad way but more connected." He whispered pulling the covers over their bodies. "I felt it too. Maybe because we know what we both want now. Or we were open about it. We felt more free to just feel and not have the insecurity in the background. I mean I know I will always have some of those but knowing we are on the same page is refreshing." She propped herself up some to look down at him. "Maybe. I think you proving once again what a bad ass detective you are definitely got me going the past two days. The knowledge you have, the insight into those types of crimes is impressive. I can see why detectives don't last long there. The emotional piece of dealing with live victims is gut wrenching. But you were amazing with that woman. The way you spoke to her, got her to open up and trust you, was just beautiful to watch. You should really advocate for SVU here. And as much as I would never want you to leave, I could see you make a huge difference with that here in Chicago." He saw her tearing up. He knew she had never heard that before from her ex-husband and probably not from her family so he could tell it meant a lot to her.
"Thank you. It's nice to hear that I'm making an impact. That I'm helping to teach other officers how to handle special victims. It's literally a whole different ball game. It literally needs a whole set of classes at the academy. It's just so different and unique. And ever changing since the laws can't keep up with the pervs committing the crimes. There is literally a whole division of cyber crimes that's dedicated to SVU. It's that insane." Kim shook her head thinking of how vastly different the two worlds were. "Wow see that's why you need to do this. Advocate for it, make a bigger difference. You can do this Kim. I believe in you." He loved seeing the passion in her eyes talking about her work. He knew she could teach the world again if she had to. He made a mental note to see if he could find her past speaking events online to watch. He could imagine how powerful they must be after seeing the way she just spoke about it.
"It is something to think about but I have to talk with Voight first. I would never go behind his back. But how about we not talk about work when you are inside me." Kim smirked and squeaked as Adam flipped them over. He laughed at her expression before making love to her again. This time controlling all the pleasure, making it last as long as possible leaving her breathless and wanting more. It was the perfect end to a perfectly shitty morning. Something she really could get used to go forward. She just needed some more time to work out the past. But she knew no matter what the future was looking brighter.