"I Was Thirsting for Knowledge, and He Had a Car"
—-
"Shh, Ranger," Riza murmurs, brushing a comb through the wiry hair of the old horse. "Don't you be so grumpy with me, hm?" The horse stamps a foot and snorts, and Riza laughs, pulling a sugar cube from her pocket and feeding it to him.
The hens in the yard start squawking and chirrupping, and Riza looks up.
"What's their problem, huh boy?" she murmurs to Ranger, patting his nose. She darts out of the barn to find a car kicking up dust as it rolls up to the Manor house. The driver honks the horn, and Riza shades her eyes with one hand, trying to see without the glint of the sun.
"Ms. Hawkeye!"
She lets out a great gasp of breath. Just as he'd promised, Mr. Mustang has returned.
He waves to her with one hand while he honks the horn again, and she laughs, dashing forward.
"Hello!" she calls, waving.
He's more handsome than I remembered.
Foolish.
He pulls to a stop in front of her, without hitting the chickens, thankfully. At the sight of his familiar smile, Riza feels her own face split into a wide grin.
"I didn't know you were coming," she says, wiping the horse hair from her hands onto her apron.
He laughs with his whole body, throwing his head back, and Riza notices the muscles in his neck ripple.
"I should have figured as much. I wrote to Sensei almost a month ago," he says, shaking his head.
"What's all this?" she asks, gesturing at the car.
He smirks.
"I got the car for my birthday."
"Oh, right. Congratulations." He's eighteen now.
He chuckles, then shrugs.
"Well, are you coming for a ride with me or not?"
Riza shakes her head, glancing back towards the house.
"No, no of course I couldn't," she says.
"Riza, if he didn't hear me laying on the horn halfway up the drive, I doubt your Father will be coming out of his study for hours yet." He's never called her Riza before. "C'mon kid," he says with a quirk of one shoulder. "Live a little. Get in."
Riza races around to the other side of the car, and he cheers her on, laughing again as she pulls open the door and gets inside.
"I've never been in an automobile before," she says, looking around as he makes a wide turn, then heads back towards town.
"Most people call them cars," he grins.
She looks back at the house over one shoulder and twiddles her fingers, fidgeting.
"C'mon, don't worry about your Father," he admonishes. "Look, if he's cross when we get back, I'll talk to him."
Everything looks different from inside the car. Mustang has both windows rolled down, and he drives with one elbow hanging out, the other arm slung lazily across the top of the steering wheel.
"What is it with you two, anyways?" he asks her, after a few minutes have passed in silence.
"Father?"
He nods, and she shrugs.
"I don't know. It's just the two of us, always has been. Except when you're here."
"He's a bit of a strange man, I'll admit, but he's brilliant," Mustang says. "But what about you, didn't you ever go to school or make friends with other kids in town? What about your Mother?"
Riza smiles sadly.
"She died when I was very small."
"I'm sorry."
"No, don't be it's just-." Riza shakes her head. "I suppose I don't know if Father is strange because I don't know how other people are. I never went to school. I've always done my lessons at home"
Mustang nods, tapping his chin with a finger.
"You know, my mother was a working girl, so I guess I don't know much about normal people, myself."
"What kind of work did she do?"
He coughs, and the tips of his ears turn pink.
"Uhm, well….She worked for my family's business."
Riza tilts her head, and he sighs.
"It's a hostess bar," he admits. "My Aunt Chris runs it now." Suddenly several things about him make more sense, such as the many "sisters" and "aunts" he always talks about, and the reason one of his sisters had thought the romance novels (still hidden behind a loose floorboard in Riza's bedroom) would be appropriate for children their age.
Mustang shrugs, continuing, "My father was the boss' son who decided to sample the goods, so to speak. She got pregnant, and they, uh, well, they had me. They died when I was young, though."
"I'm sorry for you, too," Riza says. Then, she cries out, "Oh, no, that's the turn off for town, you've missed it!"
He chuckles.
"Who says we're going to town?"
She gapes back at him, and he laughs.
"Relax, Riza. I'll have you home in plenty of time to get dinner started. I'll even help you cook."
Tentatively, she says, "You've…never called me 'Riza' before."
He smiles, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.
"Well, that's your name, isn't it?"
"Yes, you know it is."
"Okay, then. Mine's Roy."
She shakes her head.
"I can't-."
"Your Father's not here, right? So, you can do what you want to do." She laughs. "Do you want to call me Roy instead of Mr. Mustang?" She keeps laughing, giggling, really, her cheeks pinking.
"I suppose so." He raises an eyebrow, waiting. "Roy," she adds, and he smirks. His name tastes sweet on her lips.
They drive along in silence for a short time, then Mustang pulls off the road and parks by a big oak tree near the riverbank.
"Have you had lunch?" he asks, and she nods. "Oh. Well, I haven't," he says, and for a moment she feels abashed that she hadn't offered to make him something when he'd picked her up at home.
Inconsiderate. Selfish.
She follows him out of the car and around to the boot.
"So," he draws the word out slowly as he opens the back of the car with a flourish. "Let's have a picnic!"
Inside lie a big picnic basket and a folded checkerboard blanket.
"You planned all this?" she smiles as he takes her arm, leading her over to the shade of the oak tree by the bank.
He shrugs.
"Seemed like it would be a fun way to celebrate my homecoming," he says. "Since strawberries are out of season."
Riza giggles.
"I could have made blueberry pie," she teases, and he gives her an exaggerated scowl.
"Well, if I'd known that…" He winks. Riza's heart flutters the way it does every time he praises her food.
They spread the picnic blanket out by the riverside and sit down. He's brought a huge spread of food- cheeses, coldcuts, fruits, and nuts, with bakery rolls that are still warm in the middle.
"This, it's so kind of you," Riza says, awed.
They both take off their shoes and sit on the riverside. He tells stories about his sisters and aunts, and Riza listens with rapt attention. She feels like she could listen to him talk forever. His voice is rich and smooth like velvet, and his stories are so different from life at Hawkeye Estates.
After they've both eaten (she can't help herself, it's all delicious), they walk along the riverbank in their bare feet. The water's still cold, even in the late springtime. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, and she misses the way he held her arm when they walked over from the car.
"This is fun," she says, with a wide, warm smile. "Thank you."
"It's my pleasure," he rumbles back, and she thinks perhaps his eyes flick down to her lips, for a moment, when suddenly he turns from her, rubbing the back of his neck. "Damn."
"What's wrong?" she asks, alarmed that she's done something she shouldn't have.
Ignorant.
"Nothing," he says quickly. "I'm- you're…" He trails off and laughs. "Forget it. I'm sorry." He nods towards the waiting car. "Are you ready to go back?"
She's thrown off by his odd behavior, but she nods obediently and follows him back towards the oak tree. She helps him fold the picnic blanket, and his fingers touch lightly against hers. She feels her breath catch.
He's pensive and quiet as they drive back towards Hawkeye Manor, and Riza can't think of anything to say, so she stares out the window at the quickly passing countryside. The familiar fields she's grown up alongside are beautiful as the colors rush together in the late afternoon sun.
About a quarter of a mile away from her home, Roy pulls the car to a stop near the same spot where they picked strawberries at the start of the previous summer, and Riza can hear the river- much higher after a rainy spring- rushing by. She looks over at him, biting her lower lip. It's a terrible habit.
Roy sits across from her, facing forward, both of his hands on the steering wheel. His brows are drawn together in a frown.
"What is it?" Riza asks.
"Look, I'm sorry," he says with a sigh. "I- uh- I think I've behaved inappropriately, Ms. Hawkeye." He looks over at her finally, and there's two faint pink spots of color on his cheeks.
What happened to 'Riza'?
"Oh," she says. "Alright. I-I'm sorry, too."
"No," Roy says quickly, the spots on his cheeks growing brighter. "No, you've done nothing to apologize for. I promise." He tries to smile, and she shrugs, shaking her head.
"I'm afraid I don't understand," she admits. "I was…having a really nice afternoon with you."
He runs a hand through his hair.
"I was, too," he says softly. "It's just-. I-." He blows out a quick breath . "You're such a sweet kid," he says finally.
Riza squares her jaw. The two years that stand between them seem wider than they did a moment before.
"That's the second time today you've called me a kid," she mutters.
"Is it? Oh." His voice cracks slightly.
She doesn't know what to think. She's thought about him all winter long. He's been the only friend she ever made. She's missed him, but if she's honest with herself, it's more than that. She knows he could never feel the same way, that she's just his Sensei's daughter, a little kid he has to be nice to, but for a few moments during the afternoon she'd let herself wonder if he might ever feel…More?
Riza is sure that his gaze flicks down to her lips this time. She likes looking into his dark eyes. They aren't quite black, but a deep gray. Now they look almost smoky.
She sinks her teeth into the flesh of her lower lip again, and Roy groans.
"Oh, fuck it," he mutters. He leans over and places his hand at the base of her neck, stroking the skin there with his thumb. He pulls her close. Their breaths mingle. Their lips meet.
Riza gasps as he releases her, one hand coming to touch her lips, still tingling where they'd touched his. She doesn't know what to say or think.
"Shit," Mustang groans. "Shit, shit, shit."
He turns away from her and drops his forehead onto the steering wheel, covering his head with his hands.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he mumbles.
Riza can feel her heart pounding in her chest. Her cheeks are scarlet, and she still can't think of a single thing to say.
Idiot.
Finally, he looks at her again. Riza feels a swooping sensation, burning low in her abdomen like a pool of warmed molasses. His eyes are wild, now, blacker than they were before.
"I didn't mean to do that," he says. "I mean, I did. I've been wanting to do that for a year."
A year?
"Ever since I first saw you again, last summer. But I know you don't think of me like that, and I'm sorry. I should never have- And certainly not without asking you," he mutters. He shakes his head, closing his eyes and looking down at his hands. "Damnit, I'm such a creep," he mutters with a self-deprecating little laugh that she finds… charming.
Finally, she finds her voice.
"I don't think you're a creep," she says quietly. His gaze snaps back to hers.
"You don't?"
"No. But why all of this, the picnic, if you weren't planning on it?"
He shrugs.
"Honestly, I thought I'd talk myself out of it after spending time with you again, remember you're just a kid." She scowls. "Not a kid, right," he backtracks, chuckling. "But you know what I mean." They stare at each other for another long moment, then he groans. "You're only sixteen."
"Yes. And you're only eighteen."
He laughs, then, a full belly-laugh that sends tingles up her spine.
He reaches for her hand, slowly, and Riza feels that lick of heat in her lower belly again. She represses a shiver as their skin touches. "I like you, Riza. I like you a lot."
"I like you, too, Roy," she says softly. He leans close to her, and their lips touch again, softly lingering.
"Damnit," he mutters again, leaning his forehead against hers as he pulls back from the kiss.
"What now?"
He chuckles.
"Your Father is going to kill me."
"Who says he has to know?"
—-
It's late afternoon when Roy and Riza finally amble up the winding lane towards Hawkeye Manor. Riza's lips feel warm and kiss-bruised, and a delicious little shiver of energy pulses through her mind as Roy's words play over and over: I like you, Riza. I like you a lot.
As they near the house, Roy smirks at her.
"What?" she asks, one hand flying up to her face as she feels her cheeks flush again.
"You're beautiful."
Riza grins, too, turning to look out the window. What she sees however, makes her smile melt away.
Father is pacing in front of the barn.
"Oops," Roy mutters. "It's alright," he says, trying to reassure her with a tight smile. "I'll explain."
She shakes her head.
"It's not about you, it's something else," she says. She'll never be quite certain, later, how she knows this.
The car slows to a stop, and Riza quickly opens her door.
"Father," she says, approaching him. "Mr. Mustang is-."
"You left Ranger out of his stall," Father darkly cuts her off. Riza startles, thinking back. She'd been brushing him, but then Roy had arrived with the car. Surely she'd put the horse away before leaving with him.
Didn't I?
"I-I'm sorry, Father," she says, starting past him. "I'll go and feed him and-."
"No need." Riza frowns at her Father in confusion as Roy gets out of the car.
"Sensei, hello," he says, striding forward with his hand outstretched. "I hope-."
Father cuts him off by raising his hand in the air, his eyes boring into his daughter's, and Roy falls silent.
"I found him, lying in the field beyond the Manor," Father says grimly. Riza frowns. She starts to move towards the field, but Father stops her. "The horse tried to jump, I think. He broke his leg, Riza."
She gasps.
"No!" She brushes past her Father and runs towards the field, her heart racing, cold sweat breaking out across her back.
Ranger lays some twenty-yards away, and Riza can tell right away that he's in pain. He tries to give a faint whicker at her approach, but can't manage to raise his head. Riza stops short. The horse's fur is matted with foam, and his breathing is labored.
"Riza." Father's voice is sharp, and she closes her eyes tight, blinking away tears before turning to face him. "You have a responsibility to this animal."
"I know," she says quietly. She walks briskly back towards the house, her heart thumping so loudly it's all she can hear. The world around her seems gray and fuzzy at the edges.
"Riza, what's-?" Roy tries to stop her as she nears the front of the house, but she shakes her head at him and marches inside.
She goes to the kitchen and removes her shotgun from its place by the mantle.
Father taught her to shoot when she was young, and she was a good student, hunting much of the game the family eats.
But this is Ranger. It's different.
She checks the ammunition and heads back outside.
Roy and Father are arguing.
"Surely, you can't exp-."
"My daughter knows her duty, Mustang," Father chastises his student, his voice sharp, and Riza takes a steadying breath.
Part of her wants to take her time, to delay the inevitable. She wants to return to the barn and bring a comb and sugar cubes out to the field, to brush Ranger, to hug his sweet neck, give him his favorite treat, and say goodbye. But she knows it would be cruel to leave an animal to suffer for a moment longer than necessary. So, she goes straight back to the field, takes aim, and shoots the horse through the heart in one fatal shot.
Somehow, her hands don't shake, even as she pulls the trigger.
—-
Father is kind enough to say he'll hire some boys from the village to take care of the body, and for this, Riza is grateful. She wishes she knew how long her friend had lain alone in the field suffering, but she knows it doesn't matter. Any time at all is too long, and Riza doesn't think she'll ever forgive her Father.
She doesn't feel guilty for ending Ranger's suffering, but she does for leaving him out of his stall.
Stupid. Ignorant. Selfish.
Roy finds her in the kitchen a quarter hour later, just as she's putting her cleaned gun back in its place.
"I'm so sorry," he says in a croak, his eyes wide.
"It wasn't your fault," she says and is relieved to find that she means it. She'd known better and should have taken more care, but the fault lies with her and not Roy.
She can't understand her Father's cruelty, and she knows she will never forgive him. Waiting for her to come home and finish the animal off instead of doing it himself, leaving Ranger alone and in pain was inexcusable. She'll never forgive her Father, but she's certainly learned her lesson, as he intended.
She's found over the past few months that Father retreats more often than ever to his solitary study, his manner darker. She's very glad that Mr. Mustang- no, Roy- has returned home. His friendship last summer had eased the aching loneliness she's felt all her life. Now, exploring this new intimacy with him gives her new hope that her life can change in unexpected ways.
"Hey," Roy catches her hand as she strides towards the pantry to start preparing dinner. "Are you alright?" His dark eyes are earnest and concerned as she smiles sadly.
"I'll be fine," she says quietly. "But I'll miss him." Roy pulls her into a tight hug, and she finds it easy to relax into his embrace.
"Mustang!" Father's voice floats back through the house from the direction of his study, and the two quickly spring apart. Riza feels a quick stab of fear at the idea of Father catching them together.
"Coming, Sensei," Roy calls back. "I'll see you for dinner," he tells Riza in an undertone. He kisses her cheek, and she watches him go with a sad smile.
She thinks she might be falling in love with him.