Hello. I'm sorry for all of these long author's notes but this chapter needs one too. I just want to let everyone know how many of my stories are coming to their ends. This story is one of them, then there's a oneshot and then the whole "when-series" is over and finished and done. Considering this was the first I ever posted coming to Fanfiction. Net (I had written Harry Potter-fanfiction before but never really gotten into it) it feels very strange.

After I updated this story last time I put up a story called "for what is a human if she loses her best friend" for Epilepsy awareness.

-What I did for hate (finished)
-I still love you
-A light in the dark
-The search for a family (finished)
-The moment I needed the most
-I won't go away
-We're coming home
-Buried deep within
-Game on!
-For what is a human if she loses her best friend (finished)

Of this I don't know how much is left. It might be a bit more than what is left of the others. But still, I have planned parts of it and I know how it will end and at least it won't be going on and on.

As you can see there's eleven stories ending and the ones left will be riding on the wings of a dove and how they ended up in care.

I have also finished several of more Oneshots with some left, but there were many more by when I wrote all of those Oneshots in November-December.

And there, that's the whole Author's Note, now I hope you like the chapter.

There felt like it must have been weeks since David disappeared. Yet it had been just over twelve hours…

Even though the kids were now at school, except for Jim who was in bed like always after a seizure what was going on had me to distressed to be able to go home or anything. And after all I was now left sitting on the bed in the staff bedroom and only staring right in front of me.

"Whoa."

All of a sudden Luce came into the room and he and I both jumped at the sight of each other.

"Emma?" He sounded distressed. "You should have gone home."

"I didn't feel like it."

Luce smiled only one little bit but still had the distressed look in his eyes and I could see he knew why I had said what I said.

"I was just on my way to order a pizza. Do you want some?"

I hadn't exactly given food much thought.

"Sure…" I got up, took my jacket and reached for my pocket.

"Don't worry about money. You'll probably be paying for me some time." The menu from one local pizza restaurant laid on the bedside table, Luce took it and handed it to me. "Choose something."

I looked down on it but couldn't get myself to concentrate.

"Still no more sign of David?"

I knew very well that if there was any positive answer to that Luce would have answered it before I had the time to ask.

"Nothing."

Even though I knew what the answer would be it made something in my stomach twist. And when I tried to look down on the menu again I couldn't for anything in the world even know what I was looking at.

"I'm not hungry."

I looked away from him but felt the mattress move when Luce sat down next to me and then laid his arm around my shoulders.

"It's not your fault Emma."

Either he heard what I was thinking or it was obvious. Either way I shook my head.

"I don't know what to think…. David's so little. There's so much there… out there…."

"David's a smart boy. If he wanted to run away he would have found a way to do it no matter what anyone else said. And wherever he is now he's not going to let anyone just walk all over him."

"But he's so little. There are so many things out there that can hurt him… We already found his shirt. What if he dropped it when he was kidnapped?" Luce didn't answer to that but I got up. "I'll go check how Jim is doing."

When Jim and Tracie fell out of that truth I had been reminded of the time Jess had as good as thrown me into the kitchen counter, head first. Okay- the fall out of a tree would be way worse, but I couldn't help but wonder if he had hit his head in the same way that I did, and would never have a seizure ever again.

I couldn't help but hope for his sake that he had against all odds hit his head in the same way.

"Hey Jim…" He was half sleeping when I came into his room but looked up anyway. "…How are you doing?"

"Eurgh." Jim only moaned as an answer. "Emma?" I nodded and sat down next to him on the bed and nodded. "Do you think my seizures will ever stop? Just like they did for you?"

"I don't know." There was really only one answer I could answer. Even though there was only one other I wanted to give. "They do for most people. So maybe they will for you too."

Jim crawled up to sit, then he leaned into my lap and started crying, too weak and in too much pain to be able to stop the tears.

"Hey…" I stroke him over the brown, curly hair. "It's okay… It'll be okay."

"It hurts Emma."

"I know." I stroke his hair. "I know…"

"It hurts when I move."

"I know."

For a few minutes we only sat on Jim's bed, he was crying almost all silently and I held my arm around his shoulders and wished I could do anything to relieve his aching muscles and the way his head pounded with every second- getting worse and worse by each time…

"I wonder where David is…" Jim suddenly said, but I didn't know whether he only said it or if it was a question. "It happens sometimes when I'm really worried or angry or sad…"

"I know…." I interrupted when Jim had to make a pause only to breathe. "…that it causes seizures… I'm wondering too where David is. But I'm sure he'll be back soon…"

"You don't know that."

I couldn't figure what to answer, especially not as I jumped in chock when my phone suddenly beeped and buzzed in my pocket with a text message. I didn't care about it for the moment when Jim whimpered in pain at the noise.

"It's okay." I stroke his shoulder at the same time that he lied down. "You just sleep some and then you'll feel better when you wake up."

"Mhm…"

Jim seemed already half asleep when I got up. So almost without thinking about it, just after standing up I pulled up my phone from my pocket.

How are you doing, Emma? Now I know you're living here and everything I was wondering if maybe we could meet up? Maybe have lunch together or

Johnny

"Ehrm…"

I was going to answer him that it would be nice. But just as I was about to I heard one small, squeaky voice behind me.

"Can't you come and lie down right here, next to me, Emma? It feels better when I'm not alone."

"Of course." I forgot about the text message at the same moment I laid the phone on Jim's bedside table. "Of course it does…" Jim moved over to the side and left space for me to lie down where I was absolutely certain it didn't help. That every movement he did shot another lightning of pain through his head.

I wasn't going to protest against it anyway. Not if one child needed me right nearby.

Jim fell asleep already before I had lied down, exhausted by the seizure it was as good as surprising he had kept awake for long enough for so long. Meanwhile I listened to his calm, deep breaths I stared into the ceiling- maybe, if I just tried hard enough I would be able to see what David saw right now.

Well… I would never be too old for childish ideas like that…

Everything I could see was the fear of that David had gotten hurt- or worse! And when I could make it certain he wouldn't wake up from me moving I got up from the bed, took my phone and left the room.

I passed their room on the way through the hallway. Only up until a few hours ago this had been David and Wheezy's. Wheezy would be returning from an eating disorder rehab right before Christmas in a couple of weeks. But David…

I forced myself not to think like that. David was somewhere out there and he would be back soon. With that thought I didn't feel like going home at all the day after he had gotten lost. I could go home but what if then David returned now, or now, or now.

None of those now's came. Not during that whole day and not during the whole night when I stayed in the quiet room, laid until five in the morning and tried to relax. Even though I couldn't because I didn't even have to close my eyes for everything that could have happened to David since we noticed he'd run away.

At last, when I heard George get up from the staff bedroom and a few of the kids getting up too I gave up my tries of falling asleep and got up.

"Good morning." George greeted me when I came out of the room while pulling a hoodie over the pyjamas I kept here. "Did you sleep well?" I gave a short, dry laugh.

"I didn't sleep at all."

"Me neither." He sighed. "But if I remember it right your next shift starts tonight. So you should go home and at least get some rest before it starts. I can drive you home once Mike gets here." I just glared at him. "I know. Me too." He sighed and seemed about to say something. But changed his mind and shut his mouth again. "At least get some breakfast. Some of the kids are already up making theirs. So far of the oldest ones- Ashton, Aryan and Shawn up so even if you slept through another while there would be no harm done." As on a given signal Ella just came running down the hallway. "You seem excited." She nodded. "Do you know what happens today?" We all knew but we could still let her answer.

"Tracie comes home."

I knew perfectly well that even though they got ready for school and were chattering in the ways they usually did, they were all as worried about David as I was. Still, when I saw the smile on Ella's face when she spoke about her sister. And no matter the rest I could understand she was happy.

Before anything else the door from the outside and Mike came in, he smiled sadly towards Ella and obviously knew what was going on with her too.

"I know Ella. I'll go and get her in a few hours so she'll be here waiting for you when you come home from school." Ella wanted to protest I knew, but maybe she understood more than we'd think that she knew Tracie needed to come home for real before people were fussing around her.

While I still couldn't understand it really…

"Are you sure Tracie comes home already today? I mean, after the surgery and everything."

"We've made sure with the doctor and everyone…" George answered me. "… and if Tracie's in too much pain for painkillers to help, or her arm is hurt again we'll take her back to the hospital again."

He gave a slight, sad kind of smile. "The hospital isn't a place for a little kid. And Tracie, at four years old heals way faster than you or I would."

"No…" I shook my head agreeing. "No, of course not." I took a step to the side when Marley came past to go into the kitchen. Then Peityn came slowly but stopped almost at the top of the stairs.

"Is David back?"

"No…" I answered before anyone else. "…No he's not." Peityn sighed deeply, walked slowly down the rest of the stairs and into the kitchen where Ella was singing and dancing happily.

Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore

That Ella sang the song from her favorite movie was quite commonly. But never as loud as she did right now, not being able to hold her back her excitement and spinning around.

"How can you be so happy?" Peityn suddenly asked. "David's missing and we don't know where he is."

"I'm can still be happy my sister's coming back home."

Ella started singing again.

"How can you be so happy?"

I didn't have the time to stop her, suddenly Peityn almost flew onto her feet, stomped over to Ella.

"OW!"

"Peityn!" She looked like she wanted to hit Ella again but Mike was over by her before she had the time. "Why would you do something like that? That was a very bad thing to do. Now…" Ella had come over to me, I kneeled and she sobbing into my shirt. "…Either you have your breakfast or you go and get ready for school…"

"But she's so happy…"

"And she's got every right to be."

"And David wouldn't even be missing if it wasn't for you."

It was Marley who said that last. I had wanted to scold her but I just couldn't. And for the millionth time I saw in front of me and heard what Peityn had told David.

"David's going to come back." Ella whimpered. "He will. I can just feel it."

Suddenly there were people screaming. One here and one there while Ella sobbed towards my shoulder.

"Here. Let me see."

Ella had a red mark on her cheek from where Peityn hit her. It wasn't a deep wound. But just to be safe I grabbed a bag of frozen peas and a kitchen towel with me before I took Ella's hand and left for her bedroom.

"At least here we can hide from all of the yelling and fighting…" I told Ella when we sat down on her bed and I held the pack of frozen piece and a towel towards her cheek. "…Does it hurt?" She nodded. "Peityn shouldn't have hit you like that."

"I'm just happy that Tracie's coming home. It feels like it's been a million years since we saw each other last and we've never been away from each other for a single day before…" She sniveled. "…I'm not happy David's missing. But I think he'll be back and I just have a feeling that he will."

Maybe Ella's feeling about David had something to do with the happiness about Tracie coming home. But I wasn't going to tell her that…

I stayed with Ella for another while, and from where we were we could hear the other ones go to school.

"Are you okay now?" Ella nodded, the mark on her cheek was almost all faded now. "Good."

"Hey girls." George suddenly stood in the doorway. "Are you too ready to go to school Ella?"

"Can't I stay home until Tracie comes home?" George gave her a meaning look and said something I was just too tired to take in.

When he came to talk to Ella I got up and left the room. I went down the stairs and found something to eat and maybe, at least the blood sugar would help my fatigue…

"Wow!" When Mike came into the kitchen I jumped. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you… this was definitely one of the most chaotic mornings I've been through. And I've worked in care all my adult life so that says something." I nodded agreeing.

"Did George take Ella to school?" Mike nodded. "Poor thing. Maybe we should have just let her stay home now Tracie comes home." Mike seemed like he wanted to say something but didn't. "I've got the night shift now this coming night." I tried to joke. "Hopefully this one goes better."

"You should go home and get some rest." Mike said sternly. "Even with the kids at school this isn't the best place to get some rest."

"But I…"

I didn't know what to say, and Mike didn't seem to either because he just sternly looked at me.

"You're right! I'll try and get some… I guess nothing will change only by me staying here all day…" Mike didn't answer. I went to get my jacket, got it on and tied my shoelaces- or at least pretended to it while I wiped away a few tears that had come rolling down my cheeks. "Just call me if there's anything…" I didn't dare look at Mike if he saw that I was more tired than I was showing. And then he'd make sure I stayed home for even longer.

And even though I felt like staying it wouldn't make any news about David- or Tracie, come any faster.

After all, when I had said goodbye I grabbed the handle to the door to go outside at exactly the right time that someone knocked on it from the other side.

The song Ella's singing: Let it go- Idina Mentzel

Random fact

I just can't find the words of why they would make Ella go to day-care even though Tracie comes home. She'd just have to.

Hopefully I can update faster next time.