Hello everyone. I'm sorry for the wait in between the chapters but I've been having a writer's block so bad you couldn't even imagine! Since I updated this last, I put up a oneshot for Epilepsy awareness, it's called "Turbulence" and is written for TV-series manifest. I also started a story called "Too much bitten off to chew" when I broke a tooth and wanted to write something for it.

I have finished two more stories, "I still love you" and "A light in the dark", so that is six stories down and six stories left of the ones that are almost finished.

Oh well, enough with the author's note. I hope you like this chapter that I haven't actually started yet.

"Will Ella be home soon?"

That was the only thing Tracie said from the moment Tracie came home until Ella actually came home.

When we asked if she wanted something to eat she shook her head only, when we asked if she was okay she just ignored us. Whenever what she was watching was over on the TV she found something new to watch…

Right before Ella came home I couldn't help but to just stand and watch Tracie. She was five years old! This time of year she shouldn't be able to stop smiling. This time of year she shouldn't be able to stop chattering about what she wanted.

She should be telling us all about the hospital…

But she didn't. And I couldn't help but worry every time I saw her in front of that TV…

"TRACIE" After what felt like a hundred years for both myself and Tracie we could hear George's car pulling over in the driveway and the door opening. "TRACIE? WHERE ARE YOU?"

"WE'RE HERE." I shouted when Tracie hadn't made any intention that she was going to move at all. "In the living room." We could hear Ella's running footsteps and then she came running into the room.

I would have liked Tracie to smile when Ella came into the room. After all, it was like they had told us and they had never been away from each other for as long as they had now when Tracie had been in hospital.

Can't hold it back anymore…

Ella sang and danced when she came into the room, just like she had the whole morning. But this time without a worried frown in her forehead and the red mark that had ben on her cheek was faded.

"I'm so happy you're home…" She said at last, to Tracie who only kept glaring back at home. "…And David's been missing too but he's back home now too. And I'm so happy you're home because we've never been away from each other before. And I never want to be away from you again. Now I'm so happy…" Piece by piece, the squeaky, happy tone in her voice had faded. "But you don't seem happy. Why aren't you happy, now you're homme from the hospital? Are you in a lot of pain?"

Ella silent at last For Tracie to have a chance to answer. But she was still standing up and wouldn't stop moving. Even though it was obvious how happy she still was it kept fading when Tracie answered at last.

"I didn't even want to meet Ellis and Patrick from the start…" Tracie's voice sounded dark and angry and even though I maybe should have I decided not to interrupt her. "…It was you who wanted that. And then this happened. Now, if we ever hear from them again. It doesn't matter what they or you say or do. I don't want to see them or talk to them ever again." I could feel it as a deep frowned formed in my forehead, maybe I should have asked Tracie to take this when Mike or someone else with the right qualifications was here. "I hate them. And if you ever want to meet them again then I'd hate you too."

"Don't say that." Ella cried and tears had come rolling down her cheeks. I would have said something but couldn't figure what while I just hugged her. "Acts of true love can thaw frozen hearts…" She quoted while we all knew as her favorite movie. "Your heart could be frozen when you're this angry… I don't want you to be angry."

"My heart still wouldn't be as frozen and dark and black and stone-hard as theirs were when they just left us lying on the porch. And as I just said… It doesn't matter…"

"It does matter." Ella had taken over almost before Tracie had finished the sentence. "I want to talk to them." Tears had started rising in her eyes. "Maybe, if we did. We could get to know them and maybe we could even be a family someday."

What she said just broke my heart- I couldn't help but see in front of me how Ellis and Patrick Spencer had left the twins lying on the porch that spring day almost five years ago. And how, only a little while later Shawn had come out the door and almost fallen right over them.

And there was so much else, all the paper work and courses that had to be done to keep two babies here…

How they had grown up here, learning they were different and had different lives from other kids.

I couldn't blame Ella for wanting something she'd never had. Something about love and family. But I also couldn't have blamed Tracie, after all she had gotten hurt the one and only time they were meant to see their parents.

"I want to talk to Emily." Ella said, but seemed to be talking to herself. "Emily promised she'd be my mama."

Before I had the time to say anything, or figure anything to say Ella had turned and ran out the room. I turned to Tracie again, but she had turned back towards the TV and all of her was only shining of how little she wanted to keep talking about it. So I turned after Ella and went up the stairs and into my old room, where Ella had thrown herself on her bed and hugged her stuffed Elsa.

"Ella…" I closed the door and went to sit down on her bed. "Look. I can't imagine what you must be fee…"

"I just want to talk to Emily."

"It's a couple of hours un…"

"I can wait."

"Yes but…."

"She promised she'd be my mama."

It flashed by in my memory of how the first day I had been here. Ella had called me her favorite person in this house. But then of course, then Emily hadn't been here yet and I was still just a care worker.

"I'll tell Emily about it when she comes home. Do you want me to stay with you now?"

"No. I just want to talk to Emily. Because she promised she'd be my mama."

I decided to talk to Mike about this the next time I met him. He must know the feeling I had that it wouldn't be right to put Emily under that kind of responsibility. But he must also know what we could do about it unlike me.

But Mike wasn't scheduled to work until in the morning and when Emily, as well as all other kids her age came home from school I walked with her and up to the room that Ella hadn't left since she came back home. So I sat down on the desk chair while Emily and Ella sat on the bed and Ella started telling Emily about it.

"Tracie doesn't want to see our parents anymore. Not even if they'd ever want to see us. She's so mad at them for what they did when they just left us like they did… But I do… If, some day they'd want to see us again I'd want to and… I just want to hear what they think. But I wouldn't want to do that without Tracie… And I was thinking about you. I know your dad is in prison but Nathan and Qwyn are here…. I don't even know if I ever want to see Ellis and Patrick again… But maybe we could be a family someday if they want. I don't mind living in a place like this but living with a family like that would be amazing… I don't know what to do now Emily… I don't know what to think…" It was quiet for a while, Emily weighed her head to the side and didn't seem sure of what to say.

"I am happier than I could ever put into words that I'm together with my brothers." She started saying at last. "But I would still give anything to see my sister or my mum again. If someone just took away Nathan and Qwyn now, all of my biological family would be gone, including my dad…"

"Would you really like to meet your dad after what he did?"

Emily was suddenly all quiet, I could imagine her so kind and forgiving self. But I wouldn't know what Emily wanted to answer.

Although in that silence I heard someone shouting downstairs, and figuring this wasn't a moment Ella and Emily would need an audience- they could be responsible together despite their ages. I left the room and went down the stairs where Marley was standing, having changed out of her school uniform but about to go outside again.

"Marley. You know that's not the way it works." George told her just as I came down. "We need to know all the people you meet. And if they're minors then your social worker…."

"I'm not bringing anyone here, am I? I just want to go out with my friends, go shopping for some Christmas gifts maybe- simple things like that."

"And you can." George explained what both I and Marley already knew. "But you have to tell us where you're going and who with. And the social services…" Knowing what we knew he stopped. "You're a smart girl Marls. And I know that you know why. I know that you know it is to keep you all safe."

"I just want to go hang out with my friends…" A rage was burning in her eyes and she was bright red in the face with anger. "…I just want… "

"And still you don't even want to tell us your new friends' names so there must be something you know yourself is trouble."

"UGH!" Marley almost shouted, sprung to her feet and out from the office, she disappeared out of her sight and soon we heard the door to her room slam so hard the whole house seemed to be shaking.

"Well…" George sighed and leaned back in his chair, meanwhile stroking his face and when he got up and slowly walked through the hallway I followed him. "I do get that it can be frustrating for the kids to not be able to just go hang out with their friends like all other kids do… There's so much that's different from this place to what a normal childhood would be like. Well then…. Nathan and Qwyn will be arriving home from school too in a little bit so I guess I'll go start dinner. Unless you want to very badly…" I shook my head. George was the better cook of us.

"Someone was very angry earlier today." Emily stated just about half an hour later when Nathan, Qwyn and Shawn had too arrived from their longer school days and it was time for dinner for everyone. "I heard the door slam so hard… who was it?" I thought for a second- which part of stuff was I meant to keep to myself because of confidentiality?

After I had been sleeping so badly for the past few nights it was like nothing was obvious…

Luckily George interrupted before I had the time.

"Marley… she wanted to go hang out with some new friends. But as you all know, I know and she knows your friends all have to be met and approved by the social services if you want to meet them outside of school."

Silence fell around thee table and I noticed Marley was still in her room, hadn't come out since the fight earlier… Maybe I should go and get her and maybe I shouldn't. She was old enough to at least decide if she wanted dinner or not.

While thoughts were blurrily spinning in my mind, all of them were suddenly interrupted when the kids started talking again.

"It's only another one of the social services' stupid rules."

"They're not stupid." I tried, but even I heard how Violet wasn't going to agree with me. "They are there to keep you- all of you safe."

"We just want normal lives, don't we?" She scoffed. "And everyone else can have go hang out with their friends like they want to, and do everything like have fun birthday parties and just everything that we can't."

"We can have fun birthdays." Jim interrupted. "My birthday's the thirteenth."

I waited for a second for Violet to realize that not only would she have to have her birthday here this year. But she would also have to share it. I just didn't know how she was ought to react to that. But even though her eyes and expression went dark, George had interrupted and said something before anyone else.

"As we all heard now you two will share birthday. But I, Luce, Mike and Emma will all be doing our best to- and you all will too if I'm right. To make it the best birthday for you both… It would be great if you could write each wish list… you two for your birthday. But everyone for Christmas that is coming soon. So we might know something we can get you…"

"Why would I even care that it's my birthday soon? Or what I get for it or for Christmas? I know what I'm getting- a cake, stupid plastic things, maybe clothes. Lame gifts like that. When there is one single thing I want and I already know I will not get it?"

"What?" I asked, despite being quite certain what it was and why we couldn't give it to her. "You know we certainly wouldn't be able to give it to you if you don't even care to tell us what it is…" Violet laid her cutlery down with bang's.

"I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY FROM ALL OF THIS. ALL OF YOU."

Violet had been shouting… well, just like she usually did. And stomping her feet all along she ran through the hallway, up the stairs and then slammed the door so the whole house shook when she reached her room.

The children started chattering again about everything they usually did- someone asked Jim what he wanted for his birthday, someone else started planning on what to put on their wish lists for Christmas. Someone else were talking about school and counting the days until the Christmas holidays, just the usual talks by a table full of children and teenagers.

But this time I just couldn't quite partake in anything they spoke about. For the rest of the dinner, and afterwards, when I went into the office and closed that door after me I just couldn't speak anything at all…

I would guess we all knew Violet was hurting. That she was breaking, now more than ever by everything. And hating care more than ever…

"Are you okay Emma?" All of a sudden Luce came into the room for his night shift. "You look so thoughtful and you barely noticed me coming in…" I laughed shortly and sighed. "Can I ask you something?" He asked before I had the time to answer. "Well… Just wondering- have you been going home anything since I went home?" I shook my head slightly, then tried to count how long it had actually been since I was home last.

And with not being able to sleep because of David…

"I'm fine." I tried to promise but Luce didn't buy it for a second I could tell. "It's a relief that David's back of course. And that Tracie is back home too of course… There seems to be a lot going on though…" I counted what date it was. "Well, we're at the beginning of December…" I tried to change the subject. "Maybe Christmas and some time off will be just what everyone needs." George and Luce only looked at each other. "What? I'm fine."

"Emma." Luce shook his head. "Please go home. You haven't been home for days."

I was about to answer, but must have known he was right.

"George. I'm going on my break now and giving Emma a ride home."

I opened my mouth to answer to what Luce said, but he had turned and disappeared out of my vision before I could have figured what to say.

"You don't have to." I said at last when he met up with me in the hallway. "I can take the bus. I actually like taking the bus. Honest!" Luce chuckled to himself.

"Emma, Emma, Emma…." He shook his head. "I see the way you're trying to please everyone and everything but… you don't have to. Now, you've been here for I can't even count how many hours. There's been David and Wheezy and birthdays and two pairs of twins now please… I don't know about you. But if I get on the bus after so much I fall asleep. And I've had wallets stolen that way…"

"You…" I tried to take in and figure everything of what Luce had said. "You didn't have to say so much… You're right…" For some reason we had frozen in the hallway. "Do you think we should maybe start with going outside?"

Luce shook his head at me and opened the door, he'd already gotten his car keys and I went to get my backpack and jacket before getting in his car that he had already started

"Thank you for the ride… I owe you something."

I had lost count of how many times I had told Luce that, but he was up to several times of giving me a ride home. And it wasn't like I could give him one, could I?

"Don't worry about it."

"Goodnight… day… evening… morning… whatever."

Getting out of the car and up the stairs towards my flat it was like something in my brain stroke of how long I had been at the dumping ground and everything bad that was going on.

Still my head pounded and my eyelids were heavy…

Well that was until I had finally undressed, brushed my teeth and been to the bathroom. Then, all of a sudden, just as my head hit the pillow it was like all the thoughts from the last few hours hit me all at once.

So, David was back and he was safe. But now Wheezy had (temporarily) moved into a home for his eating disorders, and when he came back- from Christmas and onwards. What were we supposed to do to help him?

We hadn't heard anything from Patrick and Ellis Spencer since Tracie was in hospital. And to be honest I was on Tracie's side. But still, Ella was the dreamer of them and I could see why she wanted to be with her parents now she finally knew who they were.

Marley had been in care for relatively long and knew all the rules. But I had never seen her so frustrated with anything as she had been with them today. And whoever these new friends of hers were, she must have a reason not to even tell us their names.

Now Violet and Jim's birthday was coming up. And upon that, it was both of theirs first birthdays since coming into care. That Jim would be happy with every little thing we did and gave him wasn't hard to figure. But it also wasn't hard to figure that Violet wasn't going to be happy, and while she was rude and disagreeable all the time it was probably nothing compared to what she could be when her birthday could be.

I could remember my own birthdays ever since I was little- I just always had a great time, also the one birthday I had spent here soon after the plane crash I was in. How was I… How were we even supposed to give the children, Violet too birthdays that could be remembered as those?

We couldn't be putting too much pressure on Emily. She was just a kid but of course she was going to be there for Ella. Still, of course, it was now barely a month left until Qwyn and Nathan were going to move, now moving away from their sister after not many months of being brought together again. And while they could meet each other often still, and they did everything to comfort Emily. I just couldn't figure how we were ought to help her when we came to that time.

I must have understood what it would be about when I asked Mike about becoming a trainee. Still, I guess I hadn't quite figured how everything would feel when I knew I was responsible for it.

Then at last, in exhaustion over everything that had happened, trying to hope that at least half of the things going on would be solved, maybe even before I returned to the dumping ground the next time. My eyelids were so heavy and I drifted off to sleep…

Random fact

Violet's friend Barry was in Violet's form when this syoc started. But I forgot all about her until I just read through it a little while ago. So I'm going to try and add her from now on and then it will make sense why she hasn't been mentioned until now.