Chapter 15

It had been almost a full day since Shade passed out on me. Her condition wasn't improving much but at least it wasn't getting worse. I had Dawn check up on her as soon as I could but she wasn't able to do much for her. She just gave her a couple of herbal medicines that are supposed to help prevent Shade from coughing up more bile and relax her body. Right now I was trying to feed her again, but it was borderline impossible. She keeps rejecting the berries despite the fact that she's unconscious. That and I have to feed her very little at a time otherwise her body will reject the food.

Why did she do this?

I had to start accepting the possibility that she may have done this to herself. I mean this is clearly intentional starvation, there are plenty of berry trees nearby to keep her full for months on end. According to Dawn, Shade may have been without food and water for a full week judging by her condition.

"Arceus if I had not have been here… no, no time for thoughts like that"

Part of me was wondering why she would ever consider doing something like that but I know there's always a reason. Hell I may have been the cause of all this and that's something that honestly terrifies me. That I could have unintentionally hurt someone in that type of way. Whether it's because I was too stubborn to say "I forgive you", even as a lie, or the fact I rejected her advances. And if that's the case I'm probably the last person who's going to be able to help. If anything, me being here will probably make things worse when she wakes up.

I don't know what to do. There isn't a doctor here in this town. Most pokemon have to treat their wounds on their own here, as for a therapist I wouldn't even know where to find one. And that's if she even wants to go see one. That's why I'm still here not only because I feel responsible for all of this, but because there's no one else who can help.

"C'mon Shade get up" I urged her but was met with nothing but her quiet breathing. "I can't imagine what your going through right now"

Shade Pov

Where am I…

All I was able to feel was a bruise like pain on my sides and my nose was bleeding. "Ow…" Mustering whatever strength I had left I got up and took a good look at my surroundings. It was my old middle school but there it looked as if it were completely empty and my books were scattered everywhere. "must've just had a beating, a pretty bad one at that." I thought to myself only to see how much smaller I was. I was younger.

Arceus why am I even here, is this just some memory or am I dead? If that's the case this is a pretty well deserved hell. Last thing I remember I blacked out after starving myself. "Maybe this is just a second chance… a chance to start things with a clean slate" I thought to myself as I decided to walk around the school.

If this is another chance I better make it count

I was looking for Spike, I wanted to avoid my past mistakes and just tell him how I feel. But as I walked further into the school cracks in this reality formed, I began to notice how surreal this world really is. There was nothing but the school, the sky and floor was nothing but a white void. My leisurely pace broke into a full sprint as panic flooded my senses. I tried looking for someone, anyone, but there were no teachers, no students, nothing. The drowning silence began to eat away at me for what felt like hours as I ran until I finally broke down sobbing.

"Damn it... Damn it, DAMN IT!" " I cursed as I lost control of myself as I let out a dark pulse in frustration shattering the windows nearby in the process. But then a yelp of pain caught my attention as the windows shattered. I turned my head toward the source of the yell only to see an injured Eevee behind me. Before I could say anything I got a look at a pair of familiar eyes "Spike?! Oh Arceus not again… NOT AGAIN!" I yelled at myself as I ran up to him only to offer my paw as he tried to get away. Nothing but regret was on my mind, dammit I hate myself, I have a chance to start fresh and I already screwed up.

"I'm sorry I'm-"

"Stay away from me, what's your damage Shade?!" He spat angrily as he pushed it away only to limp away. I felt myself freeze up just like the last time until I found the courage to force myself to move. "Not this time I'm not leaving him!" I told myself as I tackled Spike to the ground, only to realize I had hurt him again ironically. I tried to apologize again only to see he was trying to get away. "Off me!" He grunted. Desperately I gripped him tightly as he violently tried to get away from me. It hurt to see him try to push me away but I understood why, it's hard enough to earn his trust and I just broke it again. He always got bullied like me but his beatings were always worse. He'd always need to go to the nurses office and have bandages wrapped around his body.

"Let me go, Shade!" he resisted in frustration as he tried shoving me away as tears began streaming down my face.

"I'm not letting go, you're my friend!"

"You are NOT my friend now let me go."

one of his paws slipped out of my grasp, slashing him in the process. Seeing how hard he tried to get away from me hurt more than I could even describe, he'd willingly hurt himself if it meant getting away from me . My grip softened as I realized he wasn't going to stop, he was almost out of my grasp causing me to plead with him as a last ditch effort. "Please don't leave me… Don't you get it?... You're all I have without you I have nobody… " I whimpered as I buried my face into his pelt. His struggling stopped causing me to avert my gaze, I looked up into his eyes as feelings from my youth returned. But I suppressed them as I looked into his guilt stricken face. "Shade I-I didn't mean to say-... Arceus I'm sorry, I know you didn't mean it" He apologized

"You shouldn't be apologizing for this- all of this is my fault… I don't even know if any of this is real right now" I cut him off as I let go of him. Spike then gave me a questioning glance.

"What are you talking about?"

I took a deep breath and told him everything from how I bullied him, my guilt, my life after high school, how he saved me and of course my suicide attempt. I left out my feelings for him, I didn't want him to hate me more than he probably already did, I mean he just stood quiet as I spoke.

"T-that's a lot to unpack Shade, I'm sorry you went through that... If it weren't for the fact that this just happened I wouldn't have believed that future crap." He spoke, causing me to wonder what he meant until I got a look at Spike who was now a Jolteon. Looking back to myself I realized I was back to my actual size. "Hm, not a bad look." he commented as he looked at his reflection on the broken glass of a window.

"I think I'm dead or I've officially lost my marbles" I replied with a sigh only to lose my posture and slump down as Spike held me close in a comforting embrace. Even if his intentions were friendly I couldn't help but blush. "Well all things considered I wouldn't say you're dead after all why would I be here? My guess is your out cold or in a coma"

He had a point there.

...

"I understand that you're all alone and that you want to make amends. But from what you told me it sounds like I already moved on so I have to ask… why are you still so fixated on me to the point you were willing to take your own life?" He questioned with precision that felt like a scalpel. My face reddened again as I just decided to come clean.

"Because... Because I love you… I loved you since middle school but because of my own selfish behavior, my hubris, I pushed you away and broke your trust. I hurt you badly to the point you just wanted to run away from your home. Yet I still had the audacity to fantasize about you, despite the fact you have another girl in your life. That girl deserves you more than I do, she actually got you to smile." I spoke bitterly.

"I hate myself because I could have been her. I could've been there for you… I could've made you smile. I even tried asking you to consider herding, but you said you don't love me, that you didn't want to start over and that you couldn't even forgive me. What's worse is that you have every right to avoid me, I'm disgusted at myself" I finished. Spike didn't say anything; he probably saw me as some sort of abomination. Oh well, at least it made me feel a little better getting that off my chest. Surprisingly he just sat next to me, our pelts touched and I felt myself getting warm again. "I'm sorry I'm pretty foreign to that kind of stuff... I- I'll stay here with you as long as you need me to. I may not be real- at least I think… but Arceus I don't want to see those tears." He spoke softly as he looked at me nervously. "You're not just saying that are you? It's not me making you say those things right?" I interrogated hoping that this wasn't some sick trick.

"I mean it, as for your brain making this up, that could very well be the case why I'm here, but I have my own conscience. I'm making my own choice here." He replied, causing me to throw my arms around him as I buried my face into his fur. We stood there for what felt like hours until I started to feel a little bold or maybe idiotic. "Spike? I know this is selfish of me to even ask but-" I couldn't even finish what I was going to say I felt so stupid. Spike gave me a look of curiosity which gave me the strength to finish what I wanted to ask.

"C-Can you say… that you love me?" I sputtered.

"You know I can't say that."

"Yes you can! I don't care if it's a lie! I just- I need to hear those words-" I cried out only to be cut off by Spike

"Shade listen to yourself.. Would me lying about that really fix all of this?" He asked rhetorically.

"I get it you like me, you really like me, and that's flattering. But me saying those three words isn't going to magically make you feel better. If you want to keep trying to get with me, fine, but don't try to force me to say those things, you'll only hurt yourself." He continued. "I-I'm sorry" I apologize as I bowed my head in shame. I was starting to feel worse, he's right. Suddenly Spike's body slowly began to turn translucent.

"It looks like it's time for you to wake up," Spike commented.

"Wait I don't want to go you'll just go back to hating me" I begged causing him to smirk. "You said it yourself I had already told you that isn't the case. I may have a rough exterior put up, but it's just me being stubborn, trust me. Just keep trying to patch things up the moment I know for a fact you're being genuine I'll be more lax."

"But what if-"

"It's time to wake up, Shade."

I woke up feeling incredibly fatigued, my nausea levels were through the roof but I was alive. The sky was pitch black but the moonlight let me see fairly well. Looking to my left I was surprised to see Spike in a fetal position. He looked so stressed looking around the den I saw plenty of berries scattered around the room as well as a medicine book opened down the middle. "He saved me…" Was all I could whisper. Even if he doesn't love me, he at least cares. Just knowing that he at least cared was comforting, it made that void feel less empty.

To be continued...

I know I said I'd update another story but damn I'm having a good time developing these characters. Let me know what you guys think in the comments below honestly don't know what to think of shades little dream sequence. I didn't want to go too crazy with it but I don't know if I succeeded with that. Anyways hope you guys and gals enjoyed this new chapter. I am planning on making a new cover for the story one that hopefully doesn't turn out too generic, with that said I'll see you soon peeps.

-The Ultimate Spiderman