Ima be real this chapter was a hard one to write not because of writer's block in fact I had this chapter basically outlined i just didn't know what words to use (So I guess that's writers block god I'm stupid). Anyways this chapter does deal with serious subject matter as did the previous two.

Chapter 16 (right where we left off)

Spike pov

Two days looking after Shade and nothing, she wasn't budging. It scared me, the fact that she could be in a permanent coma. I was barely awake, consumed entirely by exhaustion. Despite my best efforts I just couldn't sleep, regardless of the fact that my eyelids were too heavy to stay open. It was far too late to be awake, I was able to tell due to the cool feeling of the air and the fact the sun wasn't forcing me up. My thoughts were to blame. Jeez 20 hours of consciousness my eyes are shut yet I couldn't rest.

"Arceus just go to sleep Spike"

I just know Dawn is worried about me, I haven't had time to go out with her these past few days. She drops by for lunch but I'm not really there, I still feel guilty. At least she understands why I'm doing this and actually tried to comfort me. She even offered to stay but I declined, this is my mess, I have to clean it up. That warm feeling came back as I thought about Dawn but I shook it away.

Opening my heavy eyes I averted my gaze back to Shade. What do I do if she wakes up? That's a conversation I'm not looking forward to. I rolled over to my other side to get more comfortable.

If…

Arceus what am I going to do if that's the case? Who do I go to if she never wakes up, and how would I break the news? I don't know her parents, I don't know anything about her except on a surface level. Fear and guilt was plaguing me, fear for her sake, and guilt because it's most likely my fault.

"What am I supposed to do? I can't stay here forever either-'' my thoughts were interrupted as I heard a light padding in the den causing my eyes to snap wide open. My fatigue disappeared immediately as I jerked up, my fur cracked loudly with electricity as I prepared to defend both Shade and I. "Only have enough in me for one blast, got to make it count!" I thought to myself glaring only for a split moment only to realize I was looking at… well, Shade. My guard dropped instantaneously, I was in disbelief, but there she was standing in front of me, grinning even. Despite the fact she looked like she went through hell and back.

"I thought- you-" I was fumbling over my own words.

"Thank you…" She whispered with her eyes watery, her voice sounded very raspy. Normally I would be glad but due to the fatigue and that short burst of adrenaline I just fell to my side and knocked out for the night.

Shade pov

I was worried the moment Spike hit the ground but to my relief he snored lightly. "Probably not the brightest idea to startle him like that" I whispered to myself only to slump down. The amount of effort it took just to stand was astonishing, it was painful to stand let alone walk. I was a little jumpy considering the fact I almost got electrocuted. But to see him like that, ready to defend both himself and I was a surprise. I wasn't too sure what to feel right now guilt, anger at myself, or just misery. That dream or whatever it was somehow made me feel better and worse at the same time. For one I got to see a Spike that doesn't despise me, but on the other hand what I told him to do was just wrong on so many levels. It just feels like I haven't changed at all, I'm still selfish...

What am I going to tell him when he wakes up? Do I even try to tell him what I pulled? "Knowing him he probably already knows he's not an idiot." I thought to myself yet despite that I was still hesitant. Why can't I just tell him? It's like there's something holding me back. Exhaling in frustration I turned facing away from Spike. I couldn't bring myself to look at him as shame began to return. "One thing is for sure I'm not going to sleep anytime soon" I mumbled only to avert my gaze back to Spike. My cheeks began to heat up again as that image of the two of us holding each other resurfaced. "Stop it, he didn't come here because he likes you..." I thought to myself only to ignore that thought to get close to him and hug him lightly.

"I know you don't feel the same way but… despite that my heart always feels like it's being pulled towards you. I don't know why... but I just can't stop loving you…" I murmured to his deaf ears. Reluctantly I pulled away, deciding it would be better to rest nearby rather than on top of him not daring to fall asleep… not again.

The next day… (Spike Pov)

The sun blinded me as I woke up, I was still tired but I had the rest of the day ahead of me. But before I could enjoy the fact the day was beautiful I remembered Shade. Sure she wasn't comatose anymore but I don't really know if it's a good idea to leave her alone. not because she was too weak there are plenty of berries to heal her. But because I was afraid she was going to try and take her life again.

Then again she did say thank you.

Stretching, I looked over to Shade and surprisingly looked like she was asleep. Part of me wanted to leave, I was dreading the conversation we were probably going to have. Can't I just let this be someone else's problem for 5 minutes? I'm no therapist, I feel like I'm just going to make things worse for her.

I was still exhausted and I just wanted to be with Dawn at this point, but still I can't leave her in this state. "You shouldn't stay, you're just going to make it worse for her and yourself. get out before she wakes up" The pessimist in me begged as I took a step forward only to get interrupted by a drowsy shade.

"Mornin'." She yawned while a part of me cursed myself for not leaving. "How was your rest?" I asked in a monotone voice. "I ah- I couldn't sleep… I had enough of that already'' She commented only to stretch and stand up. Arceus, in the state she's in she should only be resting. Shade seemed so frail at that moment yet she's wandering around the den like a toddler.

Something feels off here.

Nothing but an awkward silence passed for what felt like four whole minutes until Shade finally spoke

"So about the other night… I was just a-"

"Arceus give me patience"

"You're not about to lie to my face right now… I know what you tried to do. Just tell me why." I cut her off slightly annoyed, as another deafening silence passed, taking time to look at her den and the giant mess I had made while trying to heal her.

"Way to break the ice Spike." I scolded myself.

...

"Maybe we shouldn't do this here… got a place where we can just… talk?" I commented only to be met by silence.

"This was a mistake, I can't help her, not like this-"

"O-okay... I know of a spot we can go…" She responded quietly

"Well that was unexpected."

Moments later (Shade POV)

I kind of expected something like this to happen today, I spent the entire night trying to come up with a way to say what I wanted to say. But it just looks like I have to just come clean and say everything upright. We had left the den moments ago Spike gathered some berries just in case. My legs felt weak not just from fatigue but nervousness as well. It's the first time we're taking time to talk hopefully with no bad blood between us both... granted it is for other reasons but still. Suddenly my legs gave out. However just as I was going to fall Spike caught me with his back lifting me up as if I was a child. My face flared up momentarily as I tried to retort only to be cut off again

"Don't push yourself, it's okay I don't mind. Just guide me there 'kay?" He spoke kindly in a tone I don't think I have ever heard him use towards me. My face heated up momentarily as I nodded. He had to be masking how he actually felt right? I robbed him of his time and energy and now he has to carry me.

It didn't take too long to find the spot after that. Eventually we found ourselves a nice opening by a cliffside with a beautiful waterfall. As I was admiring the view Spike let out a light chuckle causing me to avert my gaze to him

"Nothing- I mean… it's funny really id go up here to clear my head too... at least when I was younger" He spoke quietly only to gently lower me to the ground and take a few steps back giving us distance. We both stood there not daring to say a word we just didn't know what to say.

...

"Look I'm not a therapist or any of that, but maybe if we just talk this through it could at least help. I don't know what made you think that killing yourself was the only way out of whatever demons you're facing... Just help me understand and maybe I can help you, I don't want this to end with either one of us feeling like garbage. If anything I feel like I'm to blame" he offered. I couldn't bring myself to face him, after everything I put him through he was still trying to help me.

"It's not your fault Spike… I feel empty, okay?! Everyone left me Arceus, I couldn't even end my life right! I'm no good yet, you, the one I hurt the most are helping me… I was an idiot to think you'd actually forgive me… let alone deserve your forgiveness" Was all I could whimper as tears were streaming from my cheeks, falling to the ground effortlessly. "Don't say that… I'm sorry Shade. Really, I am. Although I was upset I should have at least acknowledged you were trying to make amends…" He replied, trying to console me.

"Stop, Stop pretending, I know you hate me, you don't have to help me… Arceus I'm so sorry I hurt you… I'm sorry that you have to help me..." I sniffled.

"I already told you that I don't hate you Shade, I know it looks bad, but I'm not leaving until your better"

"Stop lying! You don't know what I'm feeling so please stop acting like you do…" I whined only to realize what I had said. "I-I'm sor- I didn't mean-" I cut myself short as I saw Spike raise his paw telling me to stop. "You did, but that's okay… this kind of conversation isn't easy" He replied understandingly

It really isn't...

"You seriously think I don't understand what that feeling is like? Especially after everything I've been through?" he asked. I kept quiet because deep down I knew that he of all people would know how loneliness feels and how it can eat you up. "I hated my life for a long time Shade, to the point I felt like everyone hated me for just existing. From my classmates to even my own parents, it felt like it was me versus the world. It didn't take me long to start considering the benefits of taking the short way down this cliff…" He replied, glancing down at the river that led to the waterfall. A lump formed in my throat I had never even considered that he ever got that low.

"My fault, all my fault…"

Noticing my expression Spike walked up to me, I could see the instant look of regret on his face but before he could say anything I spoke. "When?!" I shouted, cutting off Spike. "It's all in the past now Sha-" He tried to dismiss. "I need to know…" I pressed on causing Spike to look away for a moment.

…

"The thought was there for a while, but that first day of high school… that was the breaking point for me." He hesitantly explained. I felt like I wanted to vomit right then and there "Oh Arceus…" I sighed. That day… that day he paralyzed me… that could've been the last time I saw him

"Arceus this was a mistake... I didn't say that to make you feel worse Shade, this isn't about me… I guess what I was trying to say is that if I was able to find a reason to keep going you can too." He replied placing a paw on my back. "What stopped you, how did you find that reason?" I questioned

"It's simple. On that day I hesitated, and when I did I began to think. I thought about what I haven't done in life, the fact that I never had a real friend. The fact that I never really had a fond memory, that I never knew what compassion was. I decided then I didn't want to die without at least knowing what that felt like. I accepted the fact that the majority here are heartless and it would be impossible to make any friends here. So I thought that maybe if I found a new home far away from here just maybe I could find those who would accept me."

I was a little saddened to hear that… he never considered me as a friend, ouch… then again this is probably the longest conversation we shared.

"Over time yeah, I kinda gave up on the concept of a friend and the dream changed to just getting out of here and seeing what else the world had to offer. But I never stopped pursuing it because that initial dream gave me hope. I just wish I knew then that not every person I knew was out trying to hurt me, it definitely would have helped." He finished

"I never did want to hurt you…" I whispered as I hugged him lightly however Spike just looked at me and pushed me away going as far as to take a few steps back giving us some distance.

"Could've fooled me" He laughed sarcastically with a frown.

"I'm serious!"

"And I'm telling you that I don't believe you. You say that you didn't want to hurt me but you still did it time and time again. You even went further to humiliate me with a couple of pranks too, remember that stunt you pulled with Jewel? You literally paid her to ask me out as a joke, granted I didn't have any feelings for her but jeez I couldn't ever catch a break after that. I got to get my ass kicked and get called 'lover boy' when I didn't even say jack to her!" Spike countered with frustration in his voice. I couldn't even say anything after that I just looked down in shame. Spike exhaled as he sat next to me. "I'm sorry I'm just frustrated-"

"You don't have to apologize, you have every right to be mad at me…" I cut him off as I pushed myself to stand.

"Hit me…"

Spike's eyes widened in shock only to shake his head no.

"Hit me! Make me feel the pain I inflicted on you please!" I begged.

...

Spike Pov…

I just kept my gaze on her only to exhale in irritation, my paw electrified as I raised it. Shade braced herself only for me to stop the flow of electricity and gently place my paw on her head. She looked at me with nothing but confusion yet clearly straining to keep herself up. "Arceus it wasn't a bluff, she actually wanted me to hurt her" I thought to myself.

"But why?"

"I don't want to hurt anyone, I never did… Doing that won't change anything besides even if I wanted to (which I don't), it'd make me no better than the creeps that hurt me... I won't lie when I saved you from Samuel there was a part of me that just wanted to leave you behind but I ignored that feeling knowing that it was wrong. You're already going through the same emotional pain I had to deal with all those years ago. Do I feel any better because I see you suffering? Arceus no. I am upset, there's no denying that, but I'm not going to take my anger out on you, even if I do blame you for my crappy school life."

She just looked at me as if she was trying to understand but for the life of her she just couldn't.

"Now let me say something else… I wouldn't change a thing about my past even if I could, because without all that suffering I probably would have never ended up as I am now and I probably wouldn't be with Dawn."

"Are you serious?" She asked, I simply nodded as a response.

"You really do love her don't you?" She questioned as a matter of fact, causing me to blush.

"I'm still trying to figure that out for myself Shade, Dawn and I are dating, but she was the one who asked me out. After that Jewel incident I felt like love wouldn't be possible for me, my parents pretty much disowned me when I was little. In fact when Dawn initially told me how she felt I doubted that she loved me at all, I thought someone had paid her; all of this is new territory for me. However if I had to fall for someone it would probably be her" I explained.

"I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry I made you feel that you weren't worthy of love..."

"You said you never wanted to hurt me… I guess I should give you a chance to explain yourself." I brought up. Shade just looked up to me "You'll probably just get even more upset" She replied looking away. "Even if I do it'll be more painful if you bottle it up" I coaxed, causing her to just give up and talk.

After some explanations were made…

"Okay… alright… Do you have any reason why you feel that way towards me Shade?" I asked, placing a paw on my forehead trying my best to understand all while trying to avoid looking at her red teary eyed face.

"I do, you're kind, intelligent, you never turn a blind eye when you see someone suffering, not to mention you're really cute… I had to date other boys to get over you but I guess I failed in that regard" she hesitantly responded sniffing and wiping away some tears.

"Too much information Shade." I replied, raising up a paw signaling her to stop.

"Sorry"

…

"I made you more upset didn't I?" She stated as a matter of fact. My paw slipped off my face as I groaned. "No… I'm just trying to process, I am upset that you used me in that type of way and the fact you didn't stop. But I guess we both have crappy parents don't we? If beating me into a bloody pulp helped you stand up to your old man I guess I shouldn't get too hung up about it." I sighed as I pulled out a box from my satchel. Shades eyes widen as she takes a look at the unopened gift.

"You actually kept it?"

"Yeah… If I'm being honest I just couldn't open it then, I was still weirded out y'know" I answered.

"You don't have to open it…"

"I know… but I want to" I replied not taking my gaze off the gift as I began to unwrap it. Inside the box was an old beat up book but the cover looked so familiar. Until I remembered I had dropped this book when Shade first attacked me I was so scared then I didn't even bother picking it up. I was afraid because I was hurt by someone whom I trusted yet she kept it for all these years.

My eyes were blinded momentarily by light reflected from the box as I took out a frame. It was an old photo, I was an Eevee, Shades head was on top of mine smiling for the camera while my gaze was fixated on a sandwich I was munching on. I couldn't really remember what happened that day.

"I know you never considered me a friend but that memory means a lot to me" She spoke.

A lot of thoughts were going through my head as I continued to look at the photo, frustration mixed with understanding, however I just sighed and accepted it. "You can't change the past even if you wanted to so instead of dwelling on it, forget about it for a change. Letting go of what she did to you won't change your virtue but will give you closure."

"Thank you… I forgive you…" was all I said as Hugged her momentarily only to let go. Stretching, I got up and put away the picture gently in my satchel only to pick up Shade and start walking back to her place. Not a word was said after I said those three words so I just decided to use the time to think.

"You really do love her don't you?" her voice rang in my head. I thought about it for a bit how I felt towards her as that warm feeling came back like a virus making my legs feel like jelly until it hit me.

…

I'm in love with Dawn.

...

Suddenly I felt Shade grip onto me tightly bringing me back to reality, I felt my fur get damp from her tears as she began sobbing. "Just let it out" was all I could say as I walked to her den. Nothing but thoughts of what I had realized. When do I tell her? What happens next? I sighed for a moment, I never actually thought I'd ever get this far.

To be continued…

That's it for now seriously been lasering my focus on this story for a bit thought about slitting this chapter into two parts for a sec but I thought it would be stupid to let it drag out. til next time, later!

-The Ultimate Spiderman