Killian
She had kissed him.
She had bloody well kissed him, and then she had disappeared.
Interpret that as you wish.
What the fuck was that supposed to even mean?
It was a miracle he hadn't gotten actual whiplash from this woman yet, between "one-time thing" and "interpret that as you wish."
Because, really, how the bloody hell was he supposed to interpret a sudden kiss in a darkened hallway?
Had she had too much to drink, and he was simply the closest person she felt an inkling of attraction to?
Did she wish to repeat it?
Would she want more?
And what the bloody hell would more consist of for Emma Swan?
Did she want an occasional tumble in the sheets to satiate an itch? Or something real and tangible and long-lasting?
Alas, he didn't think these were questions that would get an answer tonight.
At least not from her.
Killian knew which one of the two he wanted and could live with without ending up with a broken heart, just like he thought he knew which one Emma Swan would be more interested in. But he wasn't sure he could even resist the other if she were to approach him for it. There was no world where Killian Jones could resist Emma Swan, not even in the name of self-preservation.
Emma had been long gone by the time he had woken up from his stupor and emerged into the crowded bar, and if Killian knew her well enough, which he did, that only meant that come morning, she would act like nothing had ever happened because that is what she did.
"Killian?"
Killian turned hopefully, only to find that Tink had approached him with a concerned look in her eyes.
"Everything okay?"
"Of course, why wouldn't it be? What do you say about another round of me mopping the floor with Scarlet before we go home?" he said as he walked away towards Ruby, Belle, and Will, not waiting for an answer from the inquisitive fairy.
If Tink got wind of what had just happened, he would never hear the end of it, and he wasn't sure he wanted to recall - let alone discuss - whatever that had been, considering he himself did not know it.
The following day found Killian bright and early in front of Regina's mausoleum with a carrier with two coffees as he saw the brunette languidly make her way to him from where she had parked her very expensive car. He always had to admire Regina's taste in material things; it clearly showed how she was as much a pirate as him.
Killian had developed an affinity for the carriages (or cars as they insisted on calling them), and he certainly admired Regina's. While they weren't the Jolly Roger, they were a wondrous invention and relatively easy to get the hang of, for him at least, much to Robin's dismay, who had almost killed them twice when David had given them driving lessons.
As Regina came closer, he could better inspect the face he was expecting from the Mayor; disgruntled and annoyed to be summoned so early in the morning after Killian had asked her to arrive earlier than the agreed time with Belle and Tink to convince her of his plan.
He knew that Tink and Belle would not like it and would definitely have some qualms about it, so he needed an ally when putting it under the scrutiny of those two. Regina could also be expected to have some misgivings, but she might be more pragmatic and consider it a viable option.
Killian knew he was working on a miracle, but he was not a man who gave up easily.
However, he could see that he had greatly underestimated how grumpy the mayor could be in the mornings.
"What are you staring at? It's open, move along, pirate," snarled Regina, in a way much reminiscent of the Evil Queen.
Killian did not hesitate to stride in as she ushered him forward and closed the heavy door behind them, afraid she would do him bodily harm if he didn't move.
"This better be worth it, Hook."
"There are no spells that could achieve what you're suggesting."
"It wouldn't be a spell, more like a ritual. My mother wasn't just any goddess; if the legends are true, Calypso was a force to be reckoned with."
"You would have to measure your heart and - "
"So you do know of it."
"I saw it once when I was Rumple's apprentice. It wasn't a pretty sight," sighed Regina.
"Because it failed, but this won't."
"You are talking about measuring your heart for its worthiness and erasing the traces of humanity on it if it passes the test. You couldn't put that heart back; you are human."
"Except you told me I am not!" exclaimed Killian as he paced up and down the vault.
"Human enough, then! It would be a shock to your system."
"Not if we erase the traces of humanity in my body, too."
"Are you - Have you lost your mind?" stuttered Regina.
"I have lived long enough, longer than any other so-called demigod, to have enough of my mother's magic embedded deeply in me, right? That, along with my time in the magical places where I have lived, should be enough for my body to sustain the change. And if Caeliana suggested it, that implies it is possible. She would know, she's divine."
"And you are sure that this is what you want?"
Killian hesitated, long enough for Regina to notice and for another sound to draw their attention as they heard the heavy door upstairs shift.
"Regina? Killian?" yelled down Tinkerbelle.
"Down here," Killian shouted back as he and Regina exchanged a look.
He wasn't sure he had convinced the witch, and he needed her on board to convince Belle and Tink not to murder him before Davy Jones got to him.
This morning might not go as well as he had hoped.
After Tink and Belle had finished settling in and had been put up to speed with his plan, with no helpful input whatsoever from Regina, Killian prepared himself for the volley of questions and heavy scolding he was about to get.
"This is the stupidest idea you have ever had, and that is saying something," began Tink.
"Killian - why - how," stammered Belle. "Why would you even consider this?"
"Because he is an idiot, that is why. There is no reason for you to risk yourself unnecessarily like this and in such a reckless and foolish - "
"Others have died because of this, Tinkerbelle! People who had nothing to do with this!" snapped Killian.
"So, your solution is to make yourself immortal through a dangerous and unknown ritual to confront their mythical murderer with the theory that you will not die?" she scoffed back. "We haven't even figured out how exactly Davy Jones is coming to shore and mur - "
"Killian, have you thought this through?" interrupted Belle, trying to calm the situation as Tink further worked herself up while Regina rolled her eyes at the scene they were forming in her vault.
"Why would your sister even suggest such a thing?" snapped Tink, ignoring Belle's attempts.
"Well, she didn't suggest it as a whole as such, but you get the gist and - "
"No, I don't think we do. Explain yourself," interrupted Regina.
"Well, she suggested I perform the ritual and then - " Killian paused, biting his lip as he struggled to soften his next words. "She suggested I then leave Storybrooke to live in my mother's domain," he mumbled.
"Live under the sea? Really?" snorted Tink.
"Are you purposefully trying to re-enact The Little Mermaid, Jones?" snarked Regina.
"I'm afraid I have not had the pleasure to watch Ariel's story, but - "
"Doesn't fit the plot," interrupted Tink off-handedly.
"I would have gone with Atlantis, though it also doesn't fully fit," replied Belle thoughtfully.
"Oh, I haven't seen it yet, but I have been wanting to! Though Will insists that Pirates of the Caribbean should be on the list first, considering the circumstances, but - "
"Can we please focus on the matter at hand," hissed Regina, interrupting Tinkerbelle's rambling.
"Oh, yes."
"Of course," replied Belle demurely.
"Killian, there has to be another way. I refuse to settle for these two, honestly bad ideas," concluded Tink, as if the conversation had not been previously derailed.
"I agree. My final vote is no to all of this. Have you even told Emma about this?" asked Belle softly.
"I will discuss it with everyone in this afternoon's meeting."
"So no. You know she won't like this," stated Tink, eyebrows raised in challenge.
"I fail to see how that is relevant to our current discussion or to what I decide to do with my own bloody personal business," snapped Killian.
Tink simply rolled her eyes and shared a long-suffering sigh with Belle, who merely shook her head.
"I'm certainly looking forward to this afternoon's meeting now," smirked Regina as she turned back to a pile of books, silently dismissing them.
Killian had subtly ensured that the meeting happened in the most ideal conditions for him to share his plan and make it out alive. Starting with inviting only a select few people (the dwarves had an uncanny ability to cause trouble without even wanting to, especially Leroy and his big mouth) and bringing drinks and pastries for everyone.
As such, the usual culprits that could be found at one of these meetings were present and spread around the precinct's bullpen watching him try to recount more of what his sister had told him on the island without making it too obvious that he had been plotting on his own for a while now. So far, he had managed to share a convoluted introduction to the crux of their problem and the reasons behind Davy Jones' machinations in the hope that he could subtly drop his sister's proposed solutions and avoid a scene.
It didn't help that the simple fact that he had not shared everything from the beginning had been cause for indignation from the very beginning. But there was nothing he could do about that.
And so, he continued spinning his tale while Emma and David leveled identical glares at him.
"Jones' heart has not only been lost for centuries since Calypso took it, it had not been corrupted with darkness when she had, at least not much of it. If he happened to find it and put it back in his chest, after thousands of years of corruption, the heart would collapse under the strain of the darkness in his soul."
"Because it was a human heart," reasoned Emma, looking like she was trying and failing to follow the convoluted logic of different magical types of hearts.
"Right, Killian's heart, much like the rest of him, is not fully human. It is why his is not fully covered in darkness, because it can withstand much more than a human's," shared Regina.
"Wait, how do you know what his heart looks like?"
Regina shared an uneasy glance with Killian, and he could practically hear her hiss in his mind, reminding him of her warning that morning (Miss Swan will not see things the way you do, Captain).
He had been sure it wouldn't even come up in the discussion, but trust him to have the worst luck ever.
From the rising color on Emma's face, he could see she had reached the (accurate) conclusion quite fast.
"Are you serious? You let her rip your heart out? Killian - "
"Listen, Swan. It was for informative purposes, and she put it back right away. I trust Regina and - "
"It is not about trusting Regina! It is about you risking your fucking heart like it is nothing! It is your heart! How - " seethed Emma.
"So then, Davy Jones wants to steal your heart, so you what - Suffer the same fate as him? He's taking eye to eye quite literally, isn't he?" said Robin, clearly interrupting in a weak attempt to alleviate the brewing ire behind Emma's eyes.
"Davy Jones is dying." sighed Killian, grateful for the turn in the conversation.
"What do you mean he's dying?" asked David.
"He has roamed land and sea far too long without a heart. That takes a toll on your body; he has survived thousands of years but he can't go on for a thousand more. He needs a new heart, especially if he wants to continue his miserable villainous existence," muttered Killian.
"But then - " started Will.
"Wait, are you talking about a magical heart transplant?" asked David.
"That's one way to call it," said Regina, rolling her eyes.
"That's impossible, right?" demanded Emma, turning to Regina.
"Miss Swan," sighed Regina exasperatedly. "The Esoteric Principles Unveiled: A Comprehensive Exploration of Magical Theory Vol. I, it is quite literally at the top of the reading list I gave you."
"If you had read it," continued Regina, unperturbed by Emma's dramatic eye roll. "You would know it is rare and risky but possible. You would need certain conditions for it to be possible, and this situation meets them."
"Not only would it be the perfect revenge for Davy Jones, but it is his only way of survival with an added bonus; he would regain his strength and be free of the curse set on him to stay away from shore," added Killian.
"Well then, that's easy. We place a protection spell on your heart the way we did with Henry's, and it is done."
He shared an uneasy glance with Regina as he struggled to find the words to explain why they would not be doing that; he had been fearful that Emma would indeed reach the conclusion of what she believed to be a simple solution and would not see eye to eye with him.
"What?" snapped Emma, looking between the two.
"We're disposing of that option for the moment. We're not sure it will even work and - "
"Killian, what the hell are you talking about? It is our only option right now," Emma said.
"It might be, but it might disrupt the other plan," sighed Killian.
"And what exactly is this other plan?" demanded Emma.
His plan had been received with anger and consternation, as expected. What he had not expected was the screaming match between him and Emma which had ended with her running out of the precinct with what very much seemed like tears in her eyes.
Apparently it was an unspoken agreement between his friends that his fate would not be discussed, nor decided, without Emma Swan's approval and so they had all begged off. Not before approaching him seemingly one by one to berate or advise him on his foolish plan.
He had made a quick exit as soon as he could by claiming to have business at the Academy, only to be ambushed in his office by Robin and David for a repeat performance of their latest favorite trick in the book: bad cop - good cop.
Needless to say, he was ready for this day to be over.
He knew it wasn't about to get better when Robin left the office and a very hesitant David remained standing by the door with a shrewd expression on his face.
"Emma came to me the other day asking, or rather demanding, information on what happened to the Jolly Roger. I, of course directed her to you, but I get the feeling she's tried that avenue already. Have you truly not told her what happened?"
"No."
"You do know at some point you will have to, right?"
"Aye," sighed Killian. He certainly dreaded the day she found out the truth.
"Can I ask, why you will not tell her? She won't be mad, you know."
"It is not her anger I fear, Dave; it is her pity, and later, her fear and rejection. Out of everyone in this town, she might probably be the one to understand what the Jolly meant to me truly. I don't feel like being confronted by that or by what she might think of it all."
"You don't feel like being confronted by that or your feelings for my daughter?" questioned David frankly.
"My feelings have nothing to do here, Dave. I have set those aside when it comes to Emma."
"Hmm, you know... I have learned from experience that feelings are not something you can set aside easily and have them stay put. I tried after I met Snow and was engaged to King Midas' daughter, and as you well know, it did not work."
"I fail to see where you and Snow White could be compared to Emma and me, mate. These are completely different situations. You two were meant to happen; True Love always finds a way."
David remained silent for a long moment, and Killian glanced at him to find David staring at him with a scrutinous look in his eyes that seemed as if he was privy to something Killian did not.
Killian stepped out and breathed in the night air, seeking some inner peace he lately felt he would never feel again. After a couple of hours of sword fighting, he hoped that maybe he had tired himself out enough for a good night's sleep. He hadn't had one of those in weeks.
His eyes narrowed dangerously as he heard steps suddenly approach him, and his hand automatically went to the sword at his side.
"I thought you had gone home," he said, surprised to find Emma Swan striding towards him.
"Yeah, well, it occurred to me that if I leave everything in your hands, you will hand yourself to Davy Jones on a silver platter like some idiotic fool," she spat at him.
So much for hoping she had somewhat calmed down in the hours since she had stormed out of the precinct, thought Killian tiredly.
"If that is what you heard when I shared my plan then I implore you to clean your ears," snarked Killian.
"Even a deaf man could tell you that your plan is one of the most moronic, uninformed, stupidly reckless - "
He took an almost menacing step into her personal space.
"Answer me one question, Swan. Would I have survived for three hundred years if I was stupid?" he snarled at her.
Nothing she had said had been different than what Tink, and to some extent, Belle and Regina, had yelled at him this morning. Or even from what Robin and David had said when they berated him between the two of them in his office at the Academy.
But her words always rankled more.
"I didn't say that, Hook," she replied, clearly irked by his attitude.
"Well, whatever you said. I've heard enough for today," he snapped and stepped back again. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than to be yelled at by the Saviour," he said bitterly, bowing and swaying out his arm before him in a gesture of completely sarcastic mockery before turning his back on her and heading towards his vehicle.
He knew he had probably taken it too far, but Emma Swan had a way of finding and pressing all his buttons, and damn it if she didn't excel at it.
"Killian! Wait!"
He automatically turned back the moment his true name left her lips and some part of him hated himself for that weakness. Cursed be those damn lips that held such a hold on his very soul.
"Swan, I have no more patience for - "
"I'm sorry! That wasn't at all what I had planned to say. On the same note, I guess I should apologize for kissing you the other night. I shouldn't have," blurted Emma, suddenly turning shy.
Killian suddenly wished she went back to pretending it had never happened.
"Well, that is certainly something a man loves hearing," bit off Killian, growing more irritated by the second.
"No, I'm sorry! That came out all wrong. I mean.. I had meant to talk to you first and it just - "
"Talk about what?" questioned Killian, raising an eyebrow as he found himself impatient for anything that could douse the dangerous hope he felt rising in his heart.
"It doesn't matter right now, not anymore. Because there is something else I have to say, something I should have said long ago."
Killian held his breath as he watched her clearly struggle with what she wanted to say next.
Surely she wasn't about to -
"Thank you, Killian," breathed Emma softly. "For helping us defeat Zelena, and before that for finding me in New York and taking us to Neverland and for every single thing you have done since you turned that ship back around. You have no idea what it means to me and I am sorry it has taken me this long to acknowledge it," she declared.
"Swan, I - "
"I know you are going to say you don't need my thanks and it is all in the past and bla bla bla, but I needed to say them just like I need you to understand that I was not mad because I think you're plan is moronic, I'm sure others have said as much, I was mad because you kept everything from me," whispered Emma.
Killian blinked at her, as his brain struggled to form words at the tears he saw in Emma's eyes.
Did she truly care this much?
"Do you remember what you told me at the top of that beanstalk?" asked Emma softly, seemingly switching lanes.
How could he not, wondered Killian.
The feel of her wrist in his hand, her body on top of his, had taunted and haunted him nearly every night since but he was a selfish, lovesick idiot, and he wanted to hear her say it so he stood there and gazed at her, hoping she'd continue.
"You said to me that we were a good team. I need you to believe it, Killian. I know I haven't given you enough reasons to trust me, especially lately, but I want you to. And I know it is probably hypocritical of me - "
"Emma, I don't think you - "
"No, Killian. Just listen," Emma hurried to say. "It is hypocritical of me to ask you to share when I refused to do so so many times, and I am sorry. I wish I had realized it sooner how much it helps to have someone in my corner. But I do now, and I realize I might be too late but I want to be someone in your corner."
He didn't think he could ever explain what those words meant to him, he knew what they meant to her. Knew it had probably cost her so much to even think them let alone utter them to him. And that made it mean so much more to him. But he knew, he did not have the words, at least not tonight, to tell her everything her words, her whole being, meant to him.
But he vowed he would.
At least once, regardless of his fear of her rejection and the walls that towered over her heart, he would tell Emma Swan how hopelessly in love with her he is.
Maybe then he would hear what it was that she had wanted to say to him before she kissed him.
But tonight was not the night.
"There's nothing I would love more than having you in my corner, Emma."
Killian Jones found himself tensing up and reaching for his sword for a second time that night as he walked down the docks.
Except this time, he knew for sure he would be needing it.
He could feel death surround him as swift and overwhelming as the deadly currents in the sea. It had been so foolish of him, to come down to the docks on his own at night, he was sure David and Emma would have a fit, but sometimes he simply could not resist the pull of the sea no matter how hard he tried.
Tonight was not the first time death had come calling for Killian Jones. Time games with Neverland aside, he and death had often come face-to-face over the years. He did not fancy himself immortal; he did not fear death.
Except maybe, until tonight.
It had been over two hundred years since he had something - someone - to live for.
A couple of years ago, that something had been revenge.
A couple of months ago, that someone would have been Emma Swan. And to some extent she still was, and would always be.
But now, after everything he achieved after she left, he could see beyond the light Emma Swan had first introduced into his life. As he thought of the business he built, the friends he made and the home he created for himself, for the first time in his life Killian Jones realized he had himself to live and fight for.
Because he was finally, after hundreds of years, actually enjoying being alive in a way he hadn't since Liam's death.
For the last couple of months, he had been truly living.
And not just surviving.
He never had thought how hard facing death would be when actually wanting to stay alive. Life was full of ironies like that, he mused as he turned to face his fears.
"Nice of you to finally reveal your face, nuncle."