BOOOOOM!
There was a huge explosion caused by a Focus Blast from Keldeo.
THE SHOW MUST GO ON!
Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .
Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing a flash of light.
THE SHOW MUST GO ON!
Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .
Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slideshow of highlights from his reviews.
Spike the Snob tipped his black top hat.
I'LL FACE IT WITH A GRIN!
"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" Intoxiquer the Crobat shouted in Genesect's face.
I'M NEVER GIVING IN!
ON WITH THE SHOW!
Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.
Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.
THE SHOW MUST GO ON!
Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .
Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.
"SHUT UP!" shouted Anthony the Zoroark and Ian the Lucario.
THE SHOW MUST GO ON!
Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .
Ryu Taylor the ferret and bent water into a small stream and spun it around to slap each of the Mane Six in the face.
I'LL TOP THE BILL, I'LL OVERKILL!
Jack Storm sprung awake and jumped onto his feet, wearing his robes and ready for battle.
Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.
I HAVE TO FIND THE WILL TO CARRY ON!
On. . . with the show. . .
On. . . with the show. . .
"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.
"V-WHEEEEEEEL!" Victini exclaimed.
"MUSIC!" Floyd the Pichu shouted while holding his guitar high.
"RAAAAR!" Zoroark roared comically as his held his arms up and shook them.
SHOOOOOWWWWW!
Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.
The show must go on!
Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .
Keldeo the Critic- Season Seven
Episode 1: Silent Memories (A Backpack x Map story) by ThomasFanfictionista
"It's me! Keldeo the Critc! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said giddily. His tail was wagging and he was grinning from ear to ear. "This is a special review! Why? Because it's a commission! That's right, someone commissioned this review! They said they wanted to be anonymous, which is fine by me! I'm just so happy I scored a commission! This must be what Flick in Animal Crossing feels! Woo-hoo!"
Keldeo did a backflip and trotted in place giddily.
"Oh man! I'm so excited! What story am I reviewing today?" Keldeo asked eagerly.
Silent Memories (A Backpack x Map story)
By: ThomasFanfictionista
Map recently has been starting to feel strange feelings of attraction towards Backpack, and he realizes through Dora's parents that what he is feeling is called "Love." Will Backpack develop the same feelings towards Map? Or will she just want to remain as friends?
Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Romance/Family - Words: 4,927 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Published: Sep 22, 2020 - id: 13702726
"NO, ARCEUS!" Keldeo roared out in horror, "NO, ARCEUS, PLEASE NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO-!"
Later. . .
"Okay, okay, I'm alright," Keldeo said huffily, "I probably overreacted too, and I'm sorry."
Keldeo sighed and said, "Okay. . .how about we just. . .pick this apart. We'll point out all the reasons why this spells danger for me. . .and then we'll list the reasons why this might actually be. . .good? I mean, anything is possible. Let's just. . .calm down and take a look."
Keldeo nodded and said, "Okay, first off, it's a fanfic about a preschool show. Those are usually weird because obviously the person writing the fanfic is not a preschooler. Next up is that it's Dora the Explorer. Not a good sign. Then we see that it's a romance story. Romance in Dora the Explorer. . . Biscuits. . . And last but not least, the romance is between a map and a backpack. . . We've got almost five thousand words about a love story between a piece of paper and a bag!"
Yakko: "MWAH! Goodnight everybody!"
"But wait, there are some positives to this situation!" Keldeo said quickly, "First off, this isn't the first Dora the Explorer fanfic I've reviewed."
Swiper and the NutCracker Rescue
By: badboylover24
This is a Dora the Explorer version of the NutCracker I've created for my niece, who has just celebrated her third Christmas. Swiper, Dora, and Boots must save the Sugar Plum Fairy from the Mouse King, and Swiper looks for a Secret Santa gift for Isa.
Rated: Fiction K - English - Family/Fantasy - Chapters: 11 - Words: 9,369 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Updated: Oct 7, 2011 - Published: Dec 25, 2010 - Status: Complete - id: 6590549
"Swiper and the NutCracker Rescue was actually pretty good. Sure, it had flaws and some weird bits and annoying parts, but it wasn't bad. It was actually pretty cute and stuff. Although the romance was kinda lame. . .which makes me nervous about the story I'm reviewing today."
Keldeo paused, then he stuttered and said, "But-but-but if you had to write a Dora fanfic with a romantic pairing, you could do far worse than Map and Backpack. Pairing Dora with any of the characters would be horrifically bad for obvious reasons. ..unless there's some other human character in the show I'm forgetting? I mean, Map and Backpack are literally always together. If you had to spend your entire existence with another person, the best case scenario would be that you and that person are in love."
Keldeo frowned and said, "What am I doing? Why am I trying to justify a romance between a map and a backpack? Where did my life go so wrong?"
Keldeo suddenly got determined and stomped his right forehoof. "You know what? Fine! I've reviewed way worse fanfics before! This is nothing! I can handle this! I don't care how weird or awkward this story is! I am going to review it! Right now! Get ready, audience, because this is Silent Memories by ThomasFanfictionista!"
Keldeo's frown got more intense and said, "Hold on. . . Silent Memories? That's a really dramatic and emotional title. Like, you would have no idea that it's a story about Map and Backpack from Dora the Explorer. It sounds like some passionate romance novel or a depressing love song. Or a Silent Hill spinoff. Is that why the author put in (A Backpack x Map story) on it so people wouldn't confuse it for something else?"
Keldeo shook off his confusion and said, "Alright. Fine. Fore real this time! Let's review this thing!"
"I don't know why or how I'm feeling this, but it's like a… strong feeling of attraction for you…"
"I quit. Goodbye everyone," Keldeo said as he turned to leave.
Victini suddenly flew in Keldeo's face and shouted, "The money, Keldeo!"
"Okay! Okay!" Keldeo shouted, and he turned to step back onto his rock platform. As Victini flew off, Keldeo sighed and said, "I did not edit anything. That line is the first thing seen in the story."
Keldeo's eyes widened and he said, "Does that look like something a Dora the Explorer character would say? Like, at all? In what scenario would Dora the Explorer preschool character say anything like that?"
"Map? Map? Helloo…? Map!"
Map awoke from his thoughts when he heard her voice, it was a voice as beautiful as a bird's singing (which was obvious due to the fact that she sang so much especially to the audience,) as he sat up straight.
"H-hi Backpack," Map quivered, as he silently shouted at himself in his mind, WHY DID YOU STUTTER?! NOW SHE'LL KNOW SOMETHING'S UP!
"Do I have to keep reading this thing? This is so awkward," Keldeo moaned, "In fact, can't I just talk about Map and Backpack's origin story instead? Yeah, let's do that instead."
Keldeo grinned and said, "Season 1 Episode 26: Backpack! ends the first season of Dora the Explorer with a bang. It's a flashback episode where we see how Dora first met Backpack and Map. That's a pretty big lore reveal! Yeah, so we learn that Dora's parents gave them to her. . . ."
Keldeo frowned, "Wait, that's it? Her parents just. . .got a talking backpack and a talking map and handed it to her? Wait, no, not just talking backpack and map, a magical talking backpack and map! Backpack is literally a Tardis that can hold more than Link in Breath of the Wild, and Map is literally a GPS that works without satellites and electricity! There's no way Dora's parents just bought them in a store. They could've told us anything and it would've been fine! There's wizards and witches in the world of the show, so they could've said that a wizard made them for Dora, or her parents were friends with a wizard or something! Or have Dora make a wish at a wishing well. Anything is better than nothing."
Keldeo tapped his hoof thoughtfully and said, "I also find it kinda weird that Dora meets both Backpack and Map in the flashback, but the title is just Backpack! and Dora's parents keep the very useful sentient map in the pocket of the sentient backpack as a surprise that Dora just happens to notice later on in the episode. Why wasn't the episode called Backpack and Map!, why doesn't Map get equal billing?"
Keldeo hung his head and said, "I had better not watch Dora and the Lost City of Gold, I'll probably go insane."
Keldeo then grinned and said, "Speaking of insanity, back to the review! Turns out those awkward first lines were a. . .cold open, I guess. We then move on to the actual story which takes place in Dora's house at breakfast time."
At Dora's house, Dora was eating breakfast with her parents and Boots. It took them a while to accept a monkey to eat with them at their table, but eventually Dora's parents allowed Boots to eat with them.
"Racist!" Munna shouted.
"What!? What are you talking about!?" Keldeo exclaimed.
Munna frowned and said, "Animals can talk in the world of Dora the Explorer. They have jobs and can drive cars. Boots is a person. He's not a crazy wild monkey, he's a well behaved kid. Dora's parents are being racist."
". . . I don't know," Keldeo said as his face scrunched up in thought, "Maybe it's more like. . . speciesist? I don't know. . ."
Munna smirked and floated off.
"Okay, let's just move along. This story is uncomfortable enough as it is," Keldeo grumbled.
In the living room on the couch were Backpack and Map, both just relaxing as they waited for Dora and Boots. Backpack and Map had always been the best of friends when they first met each other, but the truth is, they have always been together:
"What do they do all day?" Keldeo asked, "I know you're not supposed to ask, but seriously, what do they do all day? Yeah, Dora always takes them with her on her adventures, but it's not like she's always going on adventures, and when she does it's usually over after 30 minutes, unless that's just from our perspective? In that case it couldn't be longer than a couple of hours for every adventure. And what about when Dora is just relaxing at home? Do Map and Backpack just sit there. . .waiting around . . . doing nothing. . . playing eye spy?"
Since the very beginning when Dora first got Backpack, she had Map right along with her and now they were both part of Dora's family, even though they were both sentient, talking objects.
Keldeo face hoofed and said, "Nooooo, you're not supposed to acknowledge it! Now we'll never be able to stop thinking about it!"
Keldeo put his hoof back down and said, "And I know what you're thinking: 'But Keldeo, animals can talk in the world of Dora the Explorer, so why can't maps and backpacks talk too?' Well you're wrong! Talking animals are easier to accept because not only have there been talking animals in fiction for hundreds of years, but also because animals are alive! They have facial expressions, emotions, and have their own ways of communication. It's easier to suspend your disbelief with talking animals."
Keldeo stomped irately and said, "And don't you dare mention Toy Story, because the toys are made to resemble either living or animate things like humans, animals, and robots. And you know what really annoys me? Season 5 Episode 1 : The Backpack Parade is all about Backpack leading a backpack costume parade where everyone dresses up their backpacks in costumes and shows them off while marching down the street. Now, you would think that this episode would show that in the world of Dora the Explorer, all backpacks can talk. This would help us accept it as just a part of the fantasy world. But, I kid you not, this episode actually makes things even WORSE! How, you may ask?"
Keldeo raised an eyebrow and said, "Well, in the episode, we see all of Dora's friends wearing different kinds of these novelty backpacks. We see robots, ladybugs, cowboys, dinosaurs; lots and lots of backpacks. They all got faces. Eyes. Mouths. And NONE of them are alive. Not a single one. Backpack is the only sentient backpack in existence. . . Unless those other backpacks are corpses? UGH! NO! I sound like Matpat! Sure, he's a great guy and I love his Theory videos, but I'm not him! Urk! I'm just saying that this world would have made more sense if things with faces being alive was just made a normal part of this world's magic system."
Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "But on the bright side, this episode shows that Backpack can hop around like a Veggietales character, so I guess that gives her and Map more options for the 'what do they do all day' question."
Floyd the Pichu suddenly ran in and shouted, "Keldeo! We're barely ten sentences into the story and you've been going on and on for several pages! Just read it already!"
Keldeo looked frightened and said, "That's just it. I've barely scratched the surface and I'm already losing it!"
"Are you a Sword of Justice or not?" Floyd asked challengingly.
"Fine! Biscuits! I'll keep going!" Keldeo said huffily.
"Sooo… Map, where do you think we'll go today?" Backpack asked Map, who was still asleep in her pocket. Backpack chuckled lightly, she always knew that Map was not a morning person, but still she found it funny when he was not awake at 11:00 am in the morning.
Keldeo nodded and said, "Okay, so we got a character trait. Map likes to sleep really late. What, does he stay up late watching YouTube videos?"
"YouTube didn't exist until 2005. Dora was already on Season 4 by the time YouTube first went live," Floyd remarked.
"Go away," Keldeo snapped.
Floyd rolled his eyes and walked away.
"I can't take this anymore," Keldeo moaned, "Please, story. Give me something. Anything. Please!"
Backpack knew that Map wasn't going to wake up unless someone made him, so she did what she usually did to wake him up. She threw out all the objects inside of her, including Map, who startled awake lazily when he hit the carpet floors of Dora's house.
"Map-You're on! The kids already called 'MAP!' More than ten times!" Backpack exclaimed, (trying her absolute best not to laugh). Map now shot awake as he slightly panicked about what was going on, so he quickly cued his theme music as he started to sing:
"If there's a place you've got to go, I'm the one you need to know, I'm the MAP! I'm the MAP! I'm the MAP! If there's a place you.. gotta… get…?" Map stopped singing after hearing Backpack's laughter while he sang. Map, still confused, just decided that he should ask her the obvious question, "Uhh.. Backpack where are we going? I was asleep.." Backpack was now rolling around the couch laughing.
Once Map saw that they were both still in Dora's house and Dora was in the kitchen eating, he finally understood. "Hey! We're not going anywhere, we're still in Dora's house— You made that up again!" Map yelled up to her as Backpack looked down at him smiling.
"AAAAHHHH-HAH-HAH-HAAAAAH! AH-HAH-HAH-HAH! AH-HAH-HAH! HAH-HAH-HAAAAAH!" Keldeo screamed in laughter as he rolled around on the ground kicking his legs. He spent several minutes like this until he finally calmed down enough to stand back up.
"Oh. My. Gosh," Keldeo said, "That was the funniest thing I have seen in a very long time. Like, I don't know where to begin with how and why this scene works. I'm not sure if I even want to, because explaining the joke might ruin it. But one thing I'll mention is how the characters seem to follow Wreck-It-Ralph logic, which makes sense seeing as the premise of Dora the Explorer is that it's a point and click computer game presented as a TV show. Like, they know they're in a game and they know that at times children are watching them and they can hear the children playing their game and interacting, but there's also times where they're 'off the clock' and they reference their 'day job' as game characters in their daily lives. I also love how its implied that Backpack does this often. Another answer to the 'what do they do all day' question!"
Keldeo sighed and said, "Alright, ThomasFanfictionista. You got me. You made me happy. I'm willing to give this story a fair shot. Maybe you can pull off an innocent K+ romance story with these two. Proceed."
Map just rolled his eyes and smiled back up at her, but now that he realized it, Backpack looked really cute when she laughed.
He mentally slapped himself.
"It's kinda the only way he can slap himself, seeing as he has no arms and yes, I know that was a lame joke, but I'm in too much of a good mood right now to care," Keldeo said all in one breath with a smile on his face.
'Wha? What was that thought? Where did that come from— HOW did that thought come-WHY—'
"Hey Map," Map shook his thoughts away as he heard Backpack's soothing voice, "Why is your face going red?"
"So yeah, it's your basic 'boy feels weird around the girl because he's starting to realize he likes her' stuff," Keldeo explained, "And that's not bad. It's just that. . . well, I mean. . .I'm not saying that Map and Backpack have no character traits at all. I mean, it's not like I've seen every episode of the show, so maybe they do get more characterization in the show. But other than being nice, the only things I can think of is. . . Backpack loves to eat? I mean, she says 'delicioso' a lot. And Map can rap. . . And he dressed like a pirate once. . ."
Keldeo sighed and waved a forehoof, "Back to the fanfic! Where we see that Map kinda has put Backpack on a pedestal while also putting himself down.."
As they were out on their adventure, Map was thinking to himself as he was inside Backpack's pocket. This was not the first time he had those thoughts about Backpack, as he often always admired her beauty, character, and singing from a distance, but this time he was feeling something completely different, he felt a stronger admiration for her, as if he was not good enough to be by her side, let alone inside her pocket. She could do so much more than him. Backpack could fit large items like ladders, saxophones, fishing poles and even skateboards inside herself, and what could Map do? He only sang, and told the viewers to tell Dora his directions like he himself couldn't. He sighed sadly to himself, sure he was a sentient map, but Dora could obviously find another map if he ever got lost, but what she could never find anywhere else, would be another backpack like Backpack.
"This is really interesting," Keldeo said, sounding genuinely intrigued, "I mean, yeah, like I said earlier, Backpack is basically the Tardis, and the only one of her kind, so it makes sense for Map to feel like that. Even though he's completely wrong about his own value. Dora couldn't just find another map because he's magical. Every time they open him he magically and specifically shows the land around Dora and points out the fastest, most direct route to their destination. He is literally every map in existence rolled into a manageable size. I know I called him a GPS earlier, but no. He's actually more like Google Maps!"
Keldeo appeared impressed as he said, "Heh. That's a good lesson this story is telling. Sometimes when you put someone you love on a pedestal, you become blind to your own amazing qualities and put yourself down, making you feel more unworthy of the other person's love. That's a very sound point."
"Anyway, Map ends up in a downward spiral because of his own negativity, and is so caught up in it that he ends up not hearing the audience saying his name and misses his cue."
"Did I bring my Map? Could I have left him at home?" Then Map knew Backpack was being serious when Dora took Backpack off and placed her on the ground as she started to search inside of her for Map.
Map was both anxious and relieved that Dora still cared for him to the point where she was looking for him inside Backpack, but he had missed his cue to sing and immediately jumped out of Backpack as Dora and Boots jumped back startled.
"I'm the Map, I'm the Map! I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the MAP!" Map sang shortly to not waste any more time, but this was the first time he had ever cut short his song, so Dora, Boots, and Backpack were all staring at him confused.
Map started sweating and chuckling nervously as he spoke to the audience, "H-Hi Kids! Dora and Boots need to get to… need to get to umm…" He nervously glanced over to Backpack, who pointed to the Mountain. Map immediately knew which way to go and informed the viewer of the three landmarks they must cross in order to get to the Mountain, then he jumped back into Backpack's pocket after shouting, "Mountain!" obnoxiously.
Dora and Boots decided to ignore Map's strange behavior and continued on with their adventure.
While they were moving along, Backpack spoke up, "Hey Map? Are you okay?" Map was mentally shouting at himself at why he was so dumb to make a fool of himself in front of the audience and soon, what he had been holding back since the beginning of the adventure, finally came pouring out of his eyes.
Backpack could feel Map's tears inside her pocket, and she quickly asked Dora if she and Map could get a break, and after a commercial was put on screen by Dora, Backpack jumped off Dora's back and hopped into the closest rainforest.
"Ah-ha! It is Wreck-It-Ralph logic! I totally called it!" Keldeo said, "Although I'm not sure I like Dora being the one who controls the commercials. Yeah, I know it's her show, but it still feels weird. Anyway, now that Backpack and Map have some alone time together, Map just loses it and starts crying, lamenting on how useless he is. Not true, of course, but that's thing. Even the most talented people who have the most to offer are not immune to bouts of self doubt or low self esteem, especially when they have confusing things on their mind. Luckily, Backpack is there to make him feel better."
"Well… You see Backpack, I feel like Dora doesn't need me as much as she needs you! I'm practically worthless, while YOU carry absolutely every single item she needs, and I can't do what you do. So, I'm completely useless on Dora's team compared to you." Map cried as tears started flowing from his eyes.
He looked up at Backpack, who's face was covered in sadness.
"No, Map, you are extremely helpful and not useless at all! Besides, where could Dora find another map like you? You're the only one who sings and speaks with such motivational energy!" Backpack stated as she inched closer to Map, who moved backward until he hit the tree behind him. Nevertheless, Backpack kept getting closer to him.
"And… What could I do without you?" She whispered as she kissed his forehead.
"So we end the story with Map doing the whole 'guy faints when the girl he likes kisses him" thing, which I have to admit Spike the dragon did better in Secret of My Excess, Backpack and Map go back to Dora and Boots, and they all live happily ever after!" Keldeo said with a smile.
Keldeo nodded and said, "And that was Silent Memories, and I've gotta say it was a lot better than I-." Keldeo froze, and his eyes widened as he looked at the screen of his Chromebook. "Wait a minute, the story's not over yet? What else is there to do here!?"
Keldeo huffed and said, "Okay. . .so apparently after Map wakes up, Backpack tells him that. . . she couldn't find Dora and Boots?"
"Well… you see, Map, when you passed out I immediately picked you up to find Dora to help you, but after I called to her so many times, I couldn't find her, so I ended up having to set up camp until we can find Dora and Boots first thing tomorrow morning with the help of the daylight, since it is already dark."
"What? But Backpack asked Dora for a break and they jumped into the forest right next to them! They should be right there! How far into the rainforest did these two go? It should be a straight line back to Dora! How did they get lost so easily? And aren't you in the middle of an episode? Is Dora still running commercials? I'm pretty sure the kids at home would get confused after seeing 2 straight hours of Gak commercials! Or maybe they're taping the episode?"
Keldeo sighed, "Biscuits, this fanfic was starting to get really good. Eh, but it's still not that bad. As long as nothing really dumb or mind boggling happens-."
Map woke up to see Backpack fixing a campfire with matches she had, and he watched her as she searched for another hammock, (since he realized that she had put him on one to rest) and she was now throwing out everything she had packed inside of her.
Keldeo glared and said, "Okay. . . First, why do you two need hammocks? Second, the kids watching Dora are too young to use matches. Third, how did you use matches without hands? Fourth, why do you need to keep warm, or are you afraid of the dark? Fifth, is Backpack seriously making a fire so close to Map? Does she really not know how dangerous that is? Does she not know he's made of paper, or does she not know that paper is flammable? I mean, is that just something Backpack doesn't know, she just doesn't know that paper is flammable? She has to know paper is flammable, she knows that wood is flammable, FOR THE LOVE OF ARCEUS HOW IS THIS SCENE EVEN REMOTELY POSSIBLE-!?"
Live Action Dr. Robotnik: "NOBODY CARES!"
Keldeo sighed and said, "Thank you, Jim Carrey Eggman. You're right. While I'm sure the people reading this review are genuinely entertained, it's hardly as serious as I'm making it out to be."
Keldeo nodded, "Okay, now things get weird again. You would think Map would just go back into Backpack's side pocket like always, but I guess the writer wanted to create more romantic tension, so instead there's this whole thing where Map is in a hammock and Backpack is on the ground, so Map has to invite Backpack to share the hammock with him. It's just seems so cringey in my opinion."
"Do you wanna bunk with me tonight?" He asked nervously, as both her eyes opened. "I mean— only if you want, well— you know what, this is YOUR hammock so you should be sleeping in it while I sleep on the ground, and before you say no, YES— I can sleep on the ground, it's no problem for me—"
"Sure Map, I can bunk with you." She said calmly, completely ignoring all the mumbo-jumbo he had said only a minute ago. She hopped into the hammock and settled right next to Map, and even though she scooted away from him to give him some personal space, the hammock just straight-up refused and had her slide right onto Map, almost crushing him.
"Oh, s-sorry!" She stuttered as she got off of him, and she flipped herself over so that they were both looking up at the sky right next to each other. Map's face had already gone red when Backpack fell on him, but he didn't worry about it, since it was dark and she could barely see his face.
"Maybe I should just embrace the cringe," Keldeo said flatly, a look of resignation on his face, "I'm pretty sure it's unavoidable when dealing with a story like this. It's a unique situation where it's cringe. . .but technically not bad."
"So the next morning, after a couple of kisses on the cheek for both of them, Map and Backpack break camp and head off because. . . Dora and Boots still haven't found them? Really?"
Cardi-B: "That's suspicious."
"Okay, so our two escapees from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared have to find their way back on their own."
After almost an hour of searching, they didn't find the main trail but they did end up outside of the forest, to their relief. Map jumped inside Backpack's pocket, ready to head home, when he noticed that Backpack would not move an inch.
"What's wrong Backpack?" Map questioned as he jumped out of her pocket.
"Well Map, I would continue on to Dora's house, but the thing is, I don't know HOW to get to Dora's! I don't even know where I am!" Backpack stated as she practically flopped down onto the ground. Map thought for a minute, but then he remembered what he could do and what he was best at, as he cued his theme music.
". . .I think I know what's going on here," Keldeo said, a smile forming on his face, "There are clues that support my suspicions too, but we'll see."
(Slightly Jazzy Beat) "If there's a place you gotta go, I'm the one you need to know, I'm the Map! I'm the Map, I'm the Map! If there's a place you gotta get, I can get you there I bet! I'm the Map! I'm the Map, I'm the Map! I'm the Map, I'm the Map! I'm the Map, I'm the Map! I'm the Map, I'm the Map! I'm the Map, I'm the Map! I'M THE MAP!" He sang joyfully, as he mapped out coordinates for the nearest route to Dora's house. Backpack smiled as she saw Map's joyful side, as he found out the quickest route to Dora's in no time. Once Map rolled himself up, he guided Backpack back to Dora's house.
"You know this could actually work as an episode of the show," Keldeo suggested, "Minus all the romance and drama, of course. Backpack gets separated from Dora, maybe Swiper swipes her or Dora goes for a swim and leaves Backpack on a wagon or something that rolls away, and then Backpack and Map have to go back home themselves. It would be the same formula as usual, only instead of Dora and Boots it's Backpack and Map. I could see it now:"
Backpack:
Come on, vámonos!
Everybody, let's go!
Map:
Come on, let's get to it
Backpack:
I know that we can do it!
Backpack and Map:
Where are we going? Dora's house!
Where are we going? Dora's house!
Where are we going? Dora's house!
Where are we going? Dora's house!
"Sadly, ThomasFanfictionista choses to skip the pilot episode of Backpack the Explorer and jumps right to the part where they find Dora and Boots. It's a shame, really. You could've at least had them solve the Troll's riddle or something."
As they were hopping along, they hadn't even reached the second landmark when they heard a young girl's voice calling for them. As they looked over a small hill, Map and Backpack could see Dora calling out for them while Boots was looking in the bushes.
Map and Backpack were both overjoyed as they ran down the hill and called out to Dora and Boots. Once Dora and Boots heard them, they all started to run at each other, filled with joy. Backpack and Map both jumped into Dora's arms as Boots hugged them from behind.
"Oh, Map and Backpack! I thought I lost you two!" Dora nearly cried as tears started forming in her eyes, both Map and Backpack were very special to her. Backpack apologized for losing Dora, but Dora responded that there was nothing to apologize for as she continued to hug them. Once they stopped hugging, Dora put Backpack on as Map jumped into her pocket, then Dora walked them both home.
"Well, now I hope my suspicious are wrong, because if they are right, then Backpack's a jerk for making Dora cry," Keldeo said, "Yeah, I originally thought Backpack got herself and Map lost just so she could have some alone time with Map and also boost his confidence by having him save them. I mean, there's evidence that supports it. Look."
Backpack stopped what she was doing and started to sweat nervously, "Well… you see, Map, when you passed out I immediately picked you up to find Dora to help you, but after I called to her so many times, I couldn't find her, so I ended up having to set up camp until we can find Dora and Boots first thing tomorrow morning with the help of the daylight, since it is already dark."
Map looked up into the sky and sure enough, it was already dark. Backpack then threw an alarm clock out of her pack, and set it for 8:00 am.
Map was slightly confused at why Backpack would put her alarm so late, since they usually all wake up at around 6:00 am, so it was very suspicious of why Backpack would leave it like that.
"Insert Phoenix Wright reference here," Keldeo said.
Once they arrived home, Dora instantly showed Backpack and Map to her parents, who were both happy to see them. Then Dora's parents told her to get ready for dinner, so she placed Map and Backpack in her room as she ran back outside into the kitchen.
Map and Backpack sighed a great sigh of relief that they finally got to relax after two long days, but before Map could say anything, Backpack jumped onto Dora's bed and slid herself under the covers to take a nap, (Dora would usually let her do this).
Map looked up at Backpack, and even though Dora allowed Map to also help himself to her bed, he usually never got into her bed and mostly slept on the soft carpet floor
"No you don't, you stay in the pocket on Backpack. Why do I have to be the one to fact check you on Dora the Explorer trivia when you clearly love this show far more than Matthais and I do!" Keldeo complained.
Keldeo shook his head and said, "You know what, this story is almost over. Let's just finish it off now.
"Map, do you wanna hug me as I go to sleep?" She said jokingly, but she had no idea at all that Map was developing a strong feeling of desire toward her, especially since he's been wanting to hug her all day. So he quickly scooted towards Backpack as he wrapped one of his paper arms around her. Now Backpack was the one growing nervous, as she and Map were now directly facing each other. But with Backpack's friendly nature, she let it slide as she hugged Map back with one of her straps.
Both were completely dozing off when Dora walked into the room, slightly surprised at what she saw: Backpack and Map hugging each other, strap and paper both entangled within one another in a hug-shaped form. She obviously found it cute, but they were both in the very middle of her bed, and she had just changed into her pajamas, ready to get into bed.
So, as softly as she could, she scooted Map and Backpack over to the side of her bed with just enough space for the three of them to fit, but, she made the mistake of moving the bed too hard as she settled into it, causing Map and Backpack to wake up instantly and turn red at the sight of Dora looking at them and believe me, they tried their best to untangle themselves in the sight of Dora, but they only ended up getting more stuck as their lips brushed pass each other more than five times. Dora found the whole scenario so cute, but still she grabbed both of them in their mess as she helped to untangle them.
". . .I've been sitting here for ten minutes and I can't think of anything to say here," Keldeo said grumpily, "How do I feel? Filled with cringe. Like, if these were two Pokemon, would it be just as awkward? Then again, a lot of Pokemon look like non-living objects like Klefki and Honedge. Maybe it's the whole preschool show thing. Like. . . does Dora have any idea what's going on here?"
"So, anyway, the summary of this fanfic makes mention of Dora's parents. And sure enough, they do play a role when Map crawls out of the bed that night and asks them for advice. This just makes me wonder how old Map and Backpack are supposed to be. Like, they'd have to be more mature than Dora, but are they supposed to be kids too? Adults? Teens? Tweens?"
Keldeo closed his eyes and says, "C'mon Keldeo. . .it's Wreck-it-Ralph logic. It doesn't have to make perfect sense. . ."
Keldeo opens his eyes and nods, "Okay. . . so Dora's parents tell Map that what he is feeling is love for Backpack."
Map then explained all the feelings and 2-day adventure he had had with Backpack, and how he's always feeling different around her, "Every time I see her, my face goes warm and she says I'm turning red, and when I'm next to her, all I want to do is hug her until the next day, I'm having these strange feelings around her and I don't know what it is!" He said feeling embarrassed, but both Dora's parents reassured him that there was no need to be embarrassed, they knew exactly what he was feeling.
"What you're feeling Map," started Dora's mother, "Is Love!" Both parents exclaimed.
"Love is when you feel a strong attraction to someone or something, like a deep or intense feeling of affection for that person." They explained to Map, as he stared wide-eyed at their explanation.
"Of course, what you're feeling is slightly of an 'unnatural love," Dora's father said to the sentient map who had feelings for a sentient backpack, before his wife jammed him in the shoulder with her elbow, causing him to wince in pain before quickly saying, "But that is fine! That is fine!" He said, holding his shoulder in pain.
Keldeo shrugged and said, "Give him a break, he certainly was going a whole lot better than this:"
Shrignold: "Have you ever wondered why we're here? What's it all about, you've no idea. . ."
Yellow Guy: "NOOOO!"
"So then. . ." Keldeo said, "In this. . .strange mixed back of a story, it's only fair we end on an anticlimax."
"Good night Backpack… I.. love you." Map whispered as he quickly pecked a kiss onto Backpack's forehead and then turned around to face Dora.
But unbeknownst to him, when he said those last words, Backpack smiled.
"And that was Silent Memories, and I wish I knew for sure how to describe it, but I don't so I'm just gonna give it my best shot," Keldeo said incredulously.
"This fanfic is not bad. At all. I can't exactly say I like it as a whole, but I do like parts of it. I will NEVER forget that incredibly awesome laugh it gave me during the prank scene. I also like how Map and Backpack do have a good relationship and play off of each other well in this story. Backpack is very supportive, and it's interesting to see self-doubt portrayed so accurately in fiction. It makes you sympathize with people who you might think have got everything under control, and yet feel empty for one reason or another. But then there's the Donphan in the room that we're talking about a map in love with a backpack. The awkward cuddles and kisses, the weird clues hinting at Backpack orchestrated the whole thing, the way it ditches an episode during a commercial break, and the way it skips over what could have been a fun adventure with Backpack and Map complete with their own rendition of 'We Did It'."
Keldeo froze and said, "Oh, Biscuits, maybe that wouldn't be the right song for a romance story. . ."
Yakko: "MWAH! Goodnight everybody!"
"Anyway. . . In my opinion, the thing with this sotry is that it goes in weird places but doesn't go far enough in those places."
Keldeo smiled and said, "But I will say this: ThomasFanfictionista is a good writer. The story is well written, and if you grew up loving Dora and are old enough to appreciate romance, and maybe if you saw Dora and the Lost City of Gold and liked it and thus don't mind a little awkwardness in your nostalgic children's cartoons, then fanfic is for you."
Keldeo nodded and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and if you've got a fanfic for me to review, just head on over to the DeviantArt page of Matthais123 and have one commissioned! I review it so you don't have to!"
THE END
Credits
The Show Must Go On by Queen
The Office (2005 - 2013) by NBC
Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared
Special Thanks
Dora the Explorer Wiki
Cardi-B