Chapter 24

Touch

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Shonda Rhimes (I hope I'm not mistaken)

Background: Starts from the beginning of season 1 with their first meeting at the bar. AU from there. Derek is looking for a fresh start, one-night stands and mostly- oblivion from his carefully built life back home. Meredith is a virgin but still hotheaded and stubborn to no end. When her one-night-stand attempt ends up her boss, she's mortified. Still, not as mortified as overhearing him talk to another attending asking him is she was frigid and Derek agreeing with him. Now he's determined to forget about her, and she will do anything to prove his words wrong. None of them expected to fall for each other in the process.

Most of the regular characters will be there, though I may give them slightly different stories. Christina is with Owen from the start, I was never much into Burke. Lots of drama because writing is my way to vent.

Note: Having a hard time this week so chapters might be a bit darker. Hope you stick around anyways. Good prevails sooner or later.

1.

Careful not to lose sight of the road, Derek sneaked a glance at her. According to Izzie, Meredith had called for him, wanted time with him. She certainly seemed so when she hugged him at the door, melting into his body. Now she was staring out of the window, rigid with nerves. Which in turn, settled into him as well.

'We can go back you know...' he trailed, hoping it wasn't what she wanted. She shook her head blushing softly, and his chest relaxed a bit.

'It's not that-'

'Then?'

Somehow, lately she'd had to tackle so many hard conversations, that it made talking to patients about their diagnosis' seem like a walk in the park. She opened and then closed her mouth. She wasn't sure what he knew, and moreover how much he wanted to know.

'Is this about the other day? Do you want to talk about it?'

'Oh, GOD, no!' She replied a bit too fast. 'Sorry. No- not sorry, it's just- you probably know what you need to know, and the rest can wait...'

'Wait?'

She blushed more. 'It's sort of a mood-killer. And am I the only one thinking that an empty hotel room-'

Derek coughed, now slightly amused. 'I really, REALLY want to hear the end of that sentence.'

'Derek!'

He laughed now, his blue eyes shining. 'Okay, but... ' now he was the one lost for words.

'I'm- okay enough.' She anticipated, but he wasn't ready to drop it.

'Meredith, you barely recognized me when I drove you home.'

Now the pieces of that day fit back together. Blurry images of him asking her for her keys... 'You drove me home.'

He nodded. She didn't want to talk yet, and if he said anything more, they would have to.

'I'm sorry I didn't- thank you.'

'Talking later is okay.' He stated plainly. 'I'm sorry about your mom.'

'It's ... it's okay.' She muttered. She'd made peace with losing her mom long before her diagnosis. But now all these matters were muddling their time together. Then she noticed his hand. She knew he'd hit Liam (fact that she was extremely happy with), but now she noticed his knuckles were all bruised. There had clearly been blood on them, his and Liam's.

'Derek! Your hand!'

'I make no apologies. If they hadn't separated us, I would have beaten him to a bloody pulp.'

'No, not what I was saying at all- just, you should have kicked him or something, what if you'd damaged your hand? You need your hands for surgery!' She said with complete horror and righteous indignation.

He laughed now, and the mood lightened again. 'You're the weirdest woman I've ever met! I love that you worry about things like that. My hands are fine, I'm suspended for a week pending a talk with the board I don't look forward to- but I stand by my words. I'd do it again.'

Meredith considered what he said, somewhere between touched and worried. 'Okay. Then, we put a pin on that topic as well. For now. What was your last surgery before all that went down? Please spare no detail. I've been out for days and my hands are itching for being back in the OR.'

'Seriously? That's what you want to talk about...'

'Please, I'm d-y-ing from OR withdraw here. Tell me EVERYTHING...'

'So, there was this 3-year-old girl, and I had to remove half of her brain...'

'No way! Details, come on!' She was talking like she was talking about candy, having already briefly forgotten about her promise to Bailey to quit. She started to realise now that the shock was wearing off, and she actually missed her job like crazy. That also meant Bailey's insane insistence to make her friends take care of her was actually healing. And that she'd been sort of a giant douchebag with her friends and what they did for her, and she owed them an apology. A plan involving a movie night formed in her- involving their favorite movies, her mom's surgeries- beer, and pizza.

She smiled and tuned back into Derek talking about the little girl, with giddy excitement returning in her. She still WANTED to be a surgeon. She'd really, really forgotten for a long, hellish moment, but it was still there. She was happy and relieved at the realisation.

Derek on the other hand seemed amused at the idea that her small talk idea was surgery details. Never met anyone like her, he thought, and his chest tugged at the idea. Whatever they were up for tonight- and in the future- he was way too deep into it already.

2.

The room was breathtaking, and everything Izzy had described. Yes, it was a penthouse, but it wasn't one of those hotels that was so bright and luxurious that it made you feel cold and uncomfortable to touch anything. The rooms- living room and bedroom- were more rustic if anything, an odd combination straight in the middle of the Seattle. Top floor, of course. Balcony that offered an airview of the city, but also had a swing with a cover, and fairy lights, it made it feel cozy and secluded. The rooms had a matte grey tone walls, with huge bed with white sheets and black and white cover at the end. There was a forest green plush couch and a lot of plants and wooden furniture. There was lucky bamboo, and white orchids and white gardenias and other plants she didn't recognise. It was a very exclusive setting, clearly not meant for everyone's taste- but sort of perfect for theirs.

When the door locked behind them and they had taken in the view, she dropped the backpack and rushed forward to kiss him, leaving them both flush with the wall.

Derek was too stunned at first, and his hands tangled with her hair and her waist automatically, pulling her roughly, indulging at the kiss- before he could get a hold of himself. Although- she hadn't pulled back, just pushed even more and tugged at his clothing, making it very hard for him to think straight.

'Meredith...' He groan, both of their coats already on the floor to her delight. No thinking. Doing. Just no thinking so she doesn't chicken out. Then he was covered in even more kisses and as they were moving, he could see the top line of her bra peaking from under the dress, his favorite navy color in some very delicate lace. INSANE. The woman clearly wanted to drive him insane. She could feel him harden against her body and rubbed against him ever more.

It took about all his strength, to push her away, holding her firmly by her shoulders.

Her hair was all messy from his fingers, her bra was peaking, and her face was all red from the kissing. DAMN IT. WHY, just WHY!? But he didn't want to have her do this the wrong way and have this one messy night. He wanted many, many nights.

'Honey, we don't have to rush from the door. You know there is more than one way of doing this, right? It doesn't have to be this fast.'

Her frustration drained for a second, subdued by pure curiosity. 'What do you mean?'

It took him a second to realise what he was hearing. 'Meredith, you were with Ben for what, 7 years? I know you haven't had sex, but whatever you did do- how was that?'

'What do you mean?' She was dumbfounded now. Liam had put the bar so low for how guys treated her, that for a long time she'd built this image that before that night, Ben had been a perfect boyfriend. The one to compare others to, before things got all messed up. So much so that now she wasn't even sure what Derek was asking. He groaned, cursing himself internally, and redirected everything in his power to being patient now. He gently held one of her hands and took her to sit. She cuddled on the plush couch now, removing her boots and folding her feet under the dress, which he found sweet and endearing. He kicked off his own shoes, turned around, and pulled the white soft blanket over their feet. She blushed deeply, appreciating the gesture, but still confused.

'When you made out or whatever you did with Ben- was it this way, fast and uncontrolled?'

She thought about it, even more confused.

'I mean- isn't it always like that?' God, she was innocent. With all she was going through, sometimes he forgot.

'Not even in the slightest.'

She thought back, tried to summon any other image, but all she could think about were parties and moments stolen in her or his bedroom when their parents weren't around. To his credit, he'd never pushed her beyond the boundaries she allowed. But making out, it was not a gentle affair. Like, ever. It was more them fumbling fast and harsh until she would stop things, him pulling and teasing over her boundaries and being moody when they stopped. Eventually her giving in and expanding a boundary. Allowing him to get to 'second base' more out of sheer frustration of constantly stopping him from trying to pull her t-shirts up, rather than out of any actual enjoyment. Or trying to give him hand jobs, to sort of appease him for not crossing another boundary. Then there were the times when she'd been drunk and what he sort of called 'loose'- meaning the only times she'd been the one to uncoordinatedly and passionately try to initiate the making out. Leaving him even more moody because she still didn't cross certain boundaries... that was sort of the baseline. She had been genuinely more concerned with his mood to have the time to explore what she might want. Then after all the messiness around her birthday, she tried to move on, and then- then she had to push that part of her as deep down as she could, to move forward. So she never even knew she could... feel any desire that matched what a guy might feel, before Derek. Let alone to think over what she may like or dislike. Thinking back over all that made her feel uneasy, because she suddenly realized her relationship may not have been quite as perfect even BEFORE.

'So you never... took your time? Have you done any foreplay besides making out?'

She pulled a pillow to hide her red face now. Ugggh! God, oh GOD, he thought she was a complete moron who doesn't know anything. Which, I sort of am... He pulled her by the hand, gently but enough so she would look up. 'I wasn't trying to judging... I was trying to get to know you...'

Her red face had a blank look again. Yet another foreign concept. She wasn't sure anyone ever had 'known her', in that sense. She and Ben had been kids. They had gotten together after he'd teased a kiss out of her when they played 7 minutes in Haven. Then they'd just been together. They were kids, growing together. Going to movies were excuses to make out in the dark, and presents- ways to appease each other after they had yet another fight. Holding hands and hugs seemed to be sort of a way of claiming territory, letting the other teens around them know who was off limits. There wasn't much talking except when they fought. Age aside, she'd never really thought that was anything wrong with that picture, until now. She'd spend so much time feeling guilty at the end with Ben, to actually consider anything may not have been quite as perfect. With Derek she wanted to know him and felt like a complete moron that she ever thought he was the one-night sort of person. And for thinking that one-night stands was the best she could hope for herself.

'Penny for your thoughts?' He teased. She'd gone all quiet on him twice now. He could see she didn't understand what he'd meant, and he was dying to show her. But he was also wondering what all the thoughts that went through her head were when he asked her those questions.

'I don't want you to think I'm an unexperienced idiot.' She mumbled, blushing deeply, and then pausing.'Although I sort of am.'

3.

He pulled her close by the chin now, his lips almost touching hers. Their eyes locked for the longest time, before his fingers finally dug into her curls and around her neck, pulling her for a long, indulging kiss. Their tongues tangled, his lips savored hers, touched and nibbled and coaxed feelings out of her, until a soft moan escaped her lips. Their bodies weren't even touching. Now she felt warm for an entirely different reason.

'You're not an idiot. And I'd like to experience everything with you. It's not a flaw, I promise you sweetheart.'

Just as quickly as the desire had woke in her, it stilled and she went rigid in his hands.

'Mer?'

'Don't use that word, please?' She pleaded, deciding to stand her ground, rather than run. Because, he was worth trying for.

'Which?'

'Sweetheart. I can't-'

'Why?' He asked baffled, and then it came to him. 'Sorry, I'm the idiot. I didn't even think... You know that us having a room, doesn't mean I expect anything you don't want, right?'

She smiled uncertainly. That man was like honey to her battered soul. 'I don't know- what I want, or don't want. I want to find out though,' She insisted softly. 'Just don't use that-'

'I won't; promise. Thirsty?'

She nodded.

He saw she needed the breather, and he went to the champaign that the staff had left on the table by the balcony for them. He fiddled with opening it and pouring them both a glass, and picking soft piano music to play in the background, to give her a moment. Then he handed her the glass, his face still tense.

'Meredith, before we do anything else...' his voice trailed uncomfortably, wondering how to phrase his next words right. 'Are there any other boundaries or things I should avoid- saying, or doing?'

She took two big sips of the champagne. Don't be a chicken, Meredith. 'I want to explore sexual things with you tonight- not really sure how far.'

'Done, you say stop, we stop. What else?'

'Liam didn't manage to do much because he got called to a patient. That being said, I do have some bruises so if I react off on some touch it's not you.'

She'd said it all in one breath, without shaking or crying, just sort of putting it out on the table. She was a little proud. By the gleam in his eyes, he was, too. Derek had to use all his power to not go kill him, right at that moment, and she wasn't even talking about what had happened to her in the past, which was way worse. 'I don't want you to be uncomfortable.' She continued. 'But just heads up, this is makeup.' she gestured to the line around the neckline of her dress. It took him a second to put her words together.

'There's a bruise?'

'The rest are under... this one... it would have just ruined the whole vibe.' She laughed a bit dryly. 'Though I guess, I'm telling you now, so that's your chance to run.'

He wrapped her in surprised, bewildered, warm hug. She was considering HIS comfort about her bruises. 'Do you have any idea how remarkable you are?'

She smiled shyly. She didn't get what, but she seemed to have done something right.

'Can I see?'

She hesitated.

'Only if it's okay for you.'

She motioned him to give her the backpack and used a wet wipe to start removing the make up. Somehow, in the room with him, things seemed a lot less fairy-tale romantic and a lot more real. And she still wanted him, even more than before, but this was no fairytale. If he wanted her, he'd have to go in with open eyes. She couldn't see enough at that angle to finish, so Derek gestured her, and she gave him the wet wipe uncertainly, leaning back a bit so he can finish. He gently rubbed off the rest of the makeup, exposing the blue and purple underneath. It hurt seeing it, but he was more concerned with how much she seemed to think that it changed anything for him.

He leaned in, gently kissing every bit of skin where the bruise was. She closed her eyes, pushing the fear away. His lips touched so gently it made her heart race, in a good way.

'You're the strongest woman I know, Meredith Gray.'

They eyes locked now, and she knew he meant it. The hesitation in her melted away. 'Would you like to dance with me, Derek Shepherd?'

She didn't know what possessed her to ask, but she was delighted when he took her hand, gently removing the blanket and pulling them both up. They slow-danced now, her cheek rested on his, their bodies flushed together. And then she knew, she was really, really in trouble.

It was the first time she was falling for a guy like that. And she didn't want to stop.