CW: discussion of forced intimacy

Monday, 22nd of Fall

Alma woke up feeling a little fuzzy from the night before. She sat up in bed and felt like her head was heavy and her eyes were particularly bleary. She moaned, rubbed her face, and let her hands go through her hair, noticing how unruly it was. That ale was not her drink.

When she got up from bed, she remembered today was Monday, which meant therapy. She heard Harvey's voice in her head from Thursday: "I'm confident she can help you overcome this so that you can be free of your past - of him once and for all."

She sighed and remembered her response: "I want that too." She passed the phone on the way to the kitchen and kept her eye on it like it was some sort of threat. She poured herself a glass of water and let Bisclavret out before sitting at the table to anxiously await Dr. Katherine's call. She checked the time: 6:55. She should be calling any time. Alma took a couple chugs of her water, and then the phone rang, making her jump. "Hello?"

"Hi, Alma! It's Dr. Katherine."

"Yes, good morning! How are you?"

"Well, I'm all right so far. The day is young, isn't it?" she chuckled. "But how are you? That's what we're here to talk about."

"Yes, well, I'm doing okay. But I … I did have a rough time this week."

"Oh yeah? Tell me about it." Alma described to her about Thursday night, Harvey's advances, and her sudden reaction. "Hm. Yeah. That must have been really hard. I'm sorry that happened to you. How have things been between you since then?" Then Alma told her about Friday night and the sweet way Harvey apologized. "So you haven't had a bad experience since then?"

"No, but he also hasn't been so … intense since then either."

"So what do you think triggered your reaction? I mean, what started to put you into that panic?"

Alma paused to think back to it. "I'm not sure what it was at first. It seemed to be just … kind of out of nowhere. Maybe the heavy breathing? I tried to fight it then, and I looked around the room and felt a sense of …" She closed her eyes tight, trying to find the right word. "Like we shouldn't be here, doing this."

"Can you explain that?"

"Well … just … as soon as I opened my eyes and looked around the room, it's like I realized where I was. When my eyes were closed, I was in the moment and enjoying it. But as soon as I opened my eyes, it's like I was pulled out of it and brought back to reality. But then eventually, even closing my eyes didn't work. Everything else felt too … oppressive."

"What is going on when you get to that point? What triggers are there?"

"In this case, definitely being pushed against a wall. Things shifted then. I felt trapped."

"In times past, did you have that feeling too? Like you were trapped?"

"Oh yes. Many times. Countless times."

"So what do you think could help you now before you get to that point?"

Alma thought for a moment, twisting her fingers around the phone cord. "I don't know. I guess that's the kind of thing I'm hoping you can help me with."

Dr. Katherine spoke slowly for a moment, as if she were taking some notes. "Okay, well, I have an exercise I want you to try with Harvey."

"All right?"

"At any point of intimacy - even if it's just a peck on the cheek or something platonic like a hug - I want him to ask you first if it's okay and you give him a clear yes or no. If you say yes, he can try something that he might feel is the next step. Like if it's a hug, then maybe he kisses you on the cheek. Then on the mouth. Then with tongue. You know, kind of building up in intimacy. And then when you say no, he needs to stop immediately. Let him back down to the previous step. Both of you can start identifying what's triggering and what's not. And don't be surprised if it changes from day to day."

Alma nodded several times and chewed on her thumbnail. "Okay."

"How do you feel about that assignment? Does it feel more anxiety-inducing, or does it give you some hope?"

"Oh, some hope, for sure. It's nice to know that maybe I can take control of this."

"You absolutely can, Alma. You will. I have confidence in you. And you have a partner who is very eager to help, which is invaluable."

"Yeah. You're right." They continued to talk about other things that had happened that week. Alma told her about the conversation she had with Sam, Jodi, and Vincent over dinner and then again with Sam at the beach; about the fair and Welwick's readings (though she didn't divulge everything from that encounter); about her run-in with Pierre and his "secret stash" and how it made her think about Benji; and about her conversation with Alex and how she was able to relate and connect with him. It was a good session, and Dr. Katherine commended her on using her past to help others. "Thank you, Dr. Katherine. I appreciate it. And I will talk to Harvey about the homework assignment."

"Okay, great. Have a good week, and I'll talk to you next Monday!"

They said their goodbyes, and Alma hung up the phone. She let out a heavy exhale, feeling the weight from the conversation leave her. Alma slapped the table as she stood up, mumbling under her breath, "Time to get to work!" She stepped outside, and the first thing she noticed was that the deluxe coop was finished! It felt good to know that there was nothing else to be done to it; it was now as good as it could be. She smiled at that accomplishment. Alma stepped down to the crops and saw that bok choy, amaranth, and corn were ready to harvest, and there was honey ready in the bee house too. She gathered it all up, made her regular runs around the farm (with an extra moment to appreciate the deluxe coop), organized her things, then headed south to see Marnie about buying a rabbit.

When she stepped inside Marnie's shop, though, she was surprised that no one was there. Shouldn't Marnie have been working today? Just then, the door opened behind her, and Marnie walked in. "Oh, hey there, it's good to see ya! I'm just coming back from the general store. Can I do something for you?"

"Well, I was hoping to buy a rabbit, but I guess you've got the day off?"

"That's right. I take Mondays and Tuesdays off, but you can drop by on Wednesday. Of course, feel free to visit us any time you please, even if it's not for buying an animal."

"Oh, yes, of course!" Alma said with a smile. "I'll drop by again on Wednesday then, and I'll see you around town. Have a good day!" She waved on her way out and headed down the road into town.

Alma knew that by this time of day, Harvey would probably be standing by the river. As she passed Emily and Hayley's house, she tried to peek over to see if he was there. She came up behind the sewer and near the graveyard before she finally saw him, standing with his hands in his coat pockets and looking into the sky above the beach. She took a minute to watch him and felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for him. A smile grew on her face and she stepped toward him quietly, putting her hand first on his back then moving up to his shoulder before coming by his side and laying her head on his shoulder. Harvey turned and smiled at her before wrapping an arm around her waist. "Having a good day?"

"Not too bad. Better now."

He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "Me too." They stood quiet for a moment, watching the clouds, leaves, and birds move across the sky. "Today's Monday; did you talk to Katherine this morning?"

"I did."

"Good, good. Did you talk to her about - about last Thursday?"

"I did."

"And did she … have any insight?"

"She did. She gave us some homework."

"Homework?" he asked, sounding a bit confused.

Alma lifted her head and took in a deep inhale. "She said it might help to identify triggers."

"That's good, that's good. I agree with that. So what does she want us to do?"

"She wants us to …. How would you explain it?" she thought out loud. "Kind of go through steps of affection and explicitly ask and answer if it's okay. And as soon as I feel uncomfortable, we stop."

"I think that's a great idea. It helps you to establish trust, and it helps me to know boundaries. So, is this okay?" he asked, patting where his hand rested on her waist.

"This is very okay. I like this."

"And my kiss just now was okay?"

"Yes. I want another one," she said, lifting her face to look at him.

Harvey smiled and kissed her mouth, and she felt his mustache tickle her lips. "That's okay?"

"Mm-hm." She kept her eyes closed and smiled at him.

He looked at her face and brought his other hand to her cheek. "This?" She smiled a little bigger and opened her eyes to him. He smiled back and leaned in for a deeper kiss. She brought her hand to his neck and felt the bristles at the bottom of his hairline. It wasn't a long kiss, but after a few minutes, Harvey pulled away and asked, "Still okay?"

"Still okay," she whispered back.

"Much more and I-I think I might get uncomfortable," he chuckled.

Alma patted his chest and laughed too. "Yeah. Not the type of thing you just do about town."

Harvey smirked and quietly said, "Stop by my place if you need a confidential check-up. We can continue with the recommended follow-up care from your therapist."

She wagged her head with a snicker. "Noted. What else you have going on today?" she asked, putting her head back on his shoulder.

"Not much. Might listen in on the radio when I get home. How about you? I guess you're probably starting to prep for the winter."

"More like finishing up for the fall. I've got some harvest to sell to Pierre, and I think I can buy enough for one more. That's … about it, actually. So I might be able to come by later this evening after I do some planting. But I can't promise; I might just get too worn out and want to head to bed. I've been so beat all day today."

"I understand, of course. Take care of yourself first."

They stayed there for a while and chatted, and Alma checked the time: it was nearly three o'clock. "I should probably go on to Pierre's. I'll try to come by later, okay?"

"Okay. Don't stress about it if you can't. Do what you need to do." He took her hand he was holding and lifted it up for a kiss. "That's okay?" She nodded with a smile then gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Have a good day, dear."

"You too, handsome," she answered with a wink. "Enjoy the planes." She slid her hand out of his and walked into town toward Pierre's.

The door opened with a ding, and Pierre greeted her. "Welcome!"

"Good afternoon, Pierre."

"What have you got for me today?" Alma emptied her bag and showed him all her produce. "Closing in on those final harvests, eh?"

"Just about. Think I have time for one more?"

"Well, sure! And if you're looking for seeds, you've come to the right place. I just so happen to have bok choy and wheat, which only take four days to harvest."

"I'll get some of them then, please." Pierre counted up the money he owed her for her produce then subtracted the amount for the seeds, giving her the seed packets and remaining money. Alma thanked him, put everything in her bag, and headed out the door. She was fixing to go back to the farm to plant, but she happened to look toward the saloon and think that maybe if she bought some food, she could increase her energy a bit so that she could go to Harvey's later. So instead of going west to the farm, she first went south to the saloon.

Alma was a bit surprised to see Gus alone in the saloon, sitting at a table and counting up receipts. She thought, though, that maybe it was just still a bit early for everyone to be coming for dinner. Gus looked quite concerned about something, but when Alma came in, he perked up a bit. "Hi, Alma."

"Hey, Gus. I'm here before the rush, huh?"

"You are. People will start coming in soon, though."

Gus looked back down to his receipts and sighed, pulling the pen out from behind his ear and making some notes. "What are you working on?"

"I'm just looking over last month's earnings … and it's not looking very good, Alma."

Alma scanned his face and asked. "What do you mean? I … I always thought the saloon was doing very well!"

"It is doing pretty well. But, yeah, my profit margin seems to be getting smaller and smaller."

"Can I ask why? You have plenty of customers who come in on a regular basis. I would've thought there'd be enough income to supply the output."

"The worst thing … and I hate to say this because she's my friend," he said with a pained expression, "is Pam! She hasn't paid off her tab in weeks!" He sighed and continued, "But I can't ask her to do it. I know she'll get defensive, and I don't want to hurt her feelings."

"You're a good friend, Gus. But Pam's drinking is her responsibility - not yours. She needs to learn that there are consequences for her behavior and that she can't expect everyone to take care of her."

"I just - I don't think I have the heart to say anything to her. Alma, you gotta help me!" Just then, the door opened, and Pam walked in. Gus gasped and tried to hide the receipts under some other papers.

"Hiya!" she said to Alma. She took off her coat and hung it on the coat rack. "Gus, I'm awful thirsty, if you catch my drift."

Gus glanced back and forth between Alma and Pam. "Er … Well, okay, Pam."

Pam's eyes also shifted between Alma and Gus. "Alma, what's, uh … What's going on here?" she asked, pointing her finger in their direction.

Gus turned to see what Alma would say too. Alma pursed her lips tight and looked between Gus and Pam before answering, "Gus was just saying the saloon isn't doing well … financially."

"... It isn't? That's terrible! Gus, why haven't you said anything about - ?" Pam watched Gus's eyes fall, and she realized. "... Oh." She sounded a bit angry but also a bit defeated. She put her hands on her hips, turned away, and huffed. Gus and Alma looked at each other for a minute, not sure what she would say next. She slapped her face and ran her hand down, swearing under her breath. She sighed as she turned around again. "Well, I guess I'd better pay off that tab then." She stepped toward them and dug in her pockets, pulling out several hundred gold.

"Thanks, Pam," Gus said with a smile. He turned to Alma. "And thank you, Alma. Now," he said, slapping his hands on the table as he pushed himself up, "let's get you that drink, Pam." Pam made her way to her usual seat, and Gus gathered up his papers and went behind the bar. "Did you want something to eat or drink, Alma?"

"Maybe two coffees?"

"For you and the doctor, I reckon?" he asked as he poured a pale ale for Pam.

"That's right. I need a pick-me-up." She looked over the menu as he took the drink to Pam and started to brew some coffee. "You sure have a lot of recipes here. I know some of them, but not all of them."

"Are you much of a chef, Alma?" he asked, preparing two to-go cups.

"A little, yeah. I'm still learning."

"Well, if you have a kitchen and some recipes, you can cook some useful dishes. Home-cooked meals make great gifts, as well. You know what they say: the way to a man's heart," he said, placing the coffee in front of her, "is his stomach."

"And then they shit you out!" Pam spat before taking another sip of her drink.

Gus shook his head and propped an elbow on the bar. "Don't listen to her. She's just a crotchety old lady. Aren't ya, Pam?" he laughed.

"I used to be young, once. Hard to believe, huh?" She looked into her stein. "Time sure goes fast when you grow up." Then she took a big gulp.

Gus looked back to Alma. "Better get that coffee to Dr. Harvey while it's still hot."

"Yes, thank you, Gus. See ya, Pam!" Pam gave her a wave as she walked out. The sun was starting to go down, so Alma hurried to her farm to plant, fertilize, and water the seeds.

The animals had all gone back into their houses except for Bisclavret, who ran up to her when she came onto the farm. She gave him some belly rubs before getting to work planting the seeds. By the time she was done, it was dark. Alma was exhausted, and she checked the time: it was only seven o'clock! Why was she so tired? She thought about just staying home and calling it an early night. But she did want to see Harvey, and she had already bought those coffees … Maybe she could just go drop it off and say goodnight, she thought. She put away things she didn't need, made sure the coffees were still okay in the bag, then went down the road into town.

When Alma entered the town square, she could see Harvey's light upstairs. She walked over to the clinic, pulling out her slingshot, and shot a small rock up to the window. She could see the shadows moving in his room. Harvey appeared at the window and held up a finger, wanting her to wait for him to come open the clinic door. When she saw him move away from the window, she pulled out the cups of coffee and had them ready for him. She could hear his footsteps quickly coming down the stairs and the doors to the clinic swinging open. The lock mechanism clicked, and there he was at the door.

"All done?" he asked with a smile. His eyes shifted down to the coffees, and he gave her a cute but accusatory glance. "Alma …!"

"It's pronounced 'thank you,'" she said with a little smile as she handed him one of the coffees.

"Thanks, but you didn't have to. One appliance I do have is a coffeemaker," he said, standing aside so she could come in. She stepped inside and watched as he closed the clinic door behind them. When he turned back around to her, she closed her eyes and dropped her head onto his chest. He wrapped one arm around her and kissed her on the head. "You're pretty tired, huh?"

"Mm-hmm," she said into his shirt.

"Have you had dinner?"

"No, I haven't."

"Oh! Well, maybe that's part of why you're so exhausted; with all the work you do, you need to make sure you're getting enough fuel. Let's get you something to eat." Harvey guided her farther in and opened the door out of the waiting room. He turned off the light on their way out and continued to help her upstairs. He opened the door for her and gestured for her to have a seat. She sat on his couch and seemed to deflate. "Why don't I take these to the kitchen?" he offered, reaching for her coffee. As he walked away, he said, "I actually still have ingredients to make more sushi. Does that sound okay to you? Or - Or maybe you'd prefer some cooked fish with vegetables?"

"Whatever you want to make sounds lovely." Alma's voice grated as she spoke, and she laid her head on the back of the couch, closing her eyes.

Harvey looked over and saw her practically asleep already. "I don't want to … uh, seem suggestive, but I'm speaking more as a doctor now than as your … your partner."

Alma couldn't help but laugh a little. "Still can't say 'boyfriend,' huh?"

"Why don't you … Well, why don't you lie down on my bed, maybe take a little nap? It's more comfortable than the couch; you might actually get some rest."

"No, my clothes are filthy - I don't want to get your sheets all dirty," she said, bringing her head up and rubbing her face to try to wake herself up. "I'm fine here. But let me help you with - "

She started to push herself up from the couch, but he turned and put his hands up to stop her. "I'll take care of everything. You rest. I insist." He came back to the couch as he spoke and gave her a kiss. She smiled up at him. "Kick off your boots and, uh … stay a while." He walked back to the kitchen, and she did decide to take off her boots so she wouldn't track mud or dirt, then after she placed them by the door, she went back to the couch and laid her head back with a deep sigh. Harvey took out some leftover fish, bok choy, eggplant, and mushrooms from the refrigerator, thinking that it might be better for Alma to have a hot meal with lots of nutrients to help get her energy up for more farmwork tomorrow. He looked over at her, watching her head roll onto her shoulder … then come back up then roll back down again … and come back up. He sighed and went to his dresser under the small TV to pull out a pair of shorts and a soft flannel button-up shirt. "Alma, seriously," he said, approaching the couch, "if you want to take off your overalls to lie on the bed, y-you can put these on. Please go rest." She opened her eyes and nodded a little, taking the clothes. "I won't look, I promise." He went back to the kitchen and started washing rice in the sink. He could hear her taking off her overalls, and he made sure to keep his eyes ahead of him. He put the rice in the microwave, and while it was cooking, he started to filet the fish.

Alma slipped on Harvey's workout shorts, which were snug around her hips. She wrapped his flannel over her T-shirt, smelling his scent on the collar. Before she got onto the bed, she looked over at his radio. She stepped over to it and pushed play on the cassette player, listening to the jazz start up. Mildred Bailey began, singing "Georgia on My Mind," and Harvey turned and smiled. She hugged his shirt tighter around her, climbed onto the bed, and breathed deep to smell him on the sheets and pillows too. Harvey watched her as she settled on the bed, curling away from him into the fetal position. He smiled and came toward her, sweeping her hair out of her face to kiss her gently on the cheek. "I love you," he whispered.

He saw a smile cross her face, and she lifted her head to look at him with her sleepy blue eyes. She lifted her hand to his face and pulled him down into a deeper kiss. "I love you too," she whispered, keeping his face close to hers.

He kissed her nose and said, "Rest." Then he stood up and went back to the kitchen, and she rolled back over and snuggled into his pillow. Louis Armstrong sang "Cold, Cold Heart," and Harvey couldn't help but listen to the lyrics and feel their truth: "Another love before my time made your heart sad and blue. And so my heart is paying now for things I didn't do." He sighed as he finished cutting up the salmon. He knew her heart wasn't cold; she had warmth and care like he had never experienced before. But just as Welwick said at the fair, it was buried under so much pain. He hoped he would be able to melt that away and help her experience more freedom and joy. He knew it would take patience and self-control, and he was committed to giving that to her.

Harvey covered the fish in butter, lemon juice, salt, and pepper; and when the microwave dinged, he took out the rice and put in the fish. He began to chop the vegetables and mix them together in a bowl with salt, pepper, butter, and a splash of water. He poured them out and spread them evenly on a plate then covered them with a damp paper towel. When the fish was done, he took it out of the microwave and put the vegetables in. He began to plate the rice with the fish on top, and by the time the vegetables were done, he had already made space for them on their plates.

Harvey smiled when he looked at the plates; it looked pretty good! That Queen of Sauce knew what she was talking about, he thought. He got a fork and a glass of water, picked up the plate, and brought them to the bed but already knew that Alma was probably asleep. "Alma?" he tried, but there was no answer. She was sleeping soundly. He smiled and put her plate on the kitchen counter for her so she could see it if she sat up in bed. He went to his dresser and opened the bottom drawer to pull out an extra blanket. He spread it over her and kissed her gently on the cheek again. He looked at her for a moment, beautifully peaceful on his bed, wearing his clothes. He still had trouble believing they were together. Did she really find him attractive? Was she even real? But at the same time, it felt right. It felt like she had always been there. He had trouble imagining life without her now. He never wanted to go back. Nat King Cole started singing "For Sentimental Reasons," and this time, too, Harvey listened to the words and felt how true they were. He found himself quietly singing along as he looked at Alma: "'I think of you every morning, dream of you every night. Darling I'm never lonely, whenever you are in sight. I love you for sentimental reasons. I hope you do believe me. I've given you my heart.'" He smiled and walked away, leaving her to sleep.

Harvey turned off the music and turned on the TV. A documentary was on about exploration in the Gem Sea, and he turned down the volume so he wouldn't bother Alma. He poured himself a glass of wine, took off his tie, shoes, and belt, and sat on the couch to watch and eat his plate of food.

When the documentary was over, he took his dishes to the sink, checking on Alma as he passed. It was nine o'clock now, and she was still sleeping. As he washed the dishes in the sink, he wondered if it'd be better to wake her up so she could go home or just keep sleeping here and sneak off in the morning. He selfishly wanted her to keep sleeping, but he wondered how she would feel about spending the night here or about what others might think. He knew they wouldn't do anything that would be questionable, so at least they could rest assured in that. But what would others say? He dried off his hands and looked back toward the bed, still unsure. He decided to let her keep sleeping at least a little longer. He couldn't bear to wake her up. He smiled a little, turned off all the lights except for the lamp on the table and sat down at the table to work on his plane. He unbuttoned his work shirt and listened to the quiet TV while he worked on the plane.

Around ten o'clock, he started to feel sleepy himself. He turned off the lamp on the table and felt his eyes adjust to the moonlight coming through the windows. He turned off the TV and felt the quiet of the room. He looked back at Alma's silhouette on the bed and wondered again if he should wake her up. Maybe he should at least give her the option to go if she wanted. So he crouched next to the bed and gently pushed on her shoulder. "Alma. Alma, wake up a minute, sweetheart."

Alma stirred a bit and waved him away, turning over. "Leave me alone, Eric. Just let me sleep."

Harvey was a little taken aback. He stood up and curled her hair out of her face. "No, Alma, it's - it's Harvey."

She turned over again, looking confused. "Harvey?" She took a deep breath and rubbed her face, remembering now where she was. "Oh, I - I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't be. I-I know you're exhausted." He continued to stroke her hair. "It's about ten, and I just want to give you the option to go home i-if you want to. I can walk you to the farm if you'd like to go back. But you're w-welcome to stay right here and keep sleeping, too."

"Where will you sleep?"

"I'm perfectly fine on the couch. So you just go back to sleep." He leaned over and kissed her cheek, but as he stood up to walk away, she pulled on his arm.

"Harvey …." He could see her eyes glistening in the dark.

He put his hand on hers. "Alma, I … I don't think that's - that's a g-good idea."

"Please. Just … come be with me." He looked at her and felt conflicted. Of course he wanted nothing more than to curl up next to her and hold her close, but he wondered if that was what she really wanted. If she was thinking of her ex-husband, was she wanting something to feel like him? Or to help her forget him? Did she just want the comfort of knowing someone was closeby? "Please, Harvey. Come here. It's okay. I'm all right."

He let out a heavy exhale. He was too tired to fight it. "A-All right." Alma got under the sheets and scooted over as much as she could while he took off his glasses and overshirt. He decided to keep his pants on, though he would have preferred to wear something more comfortable. He climbed in the bed next to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, folding his knees behind hers. The bed was just meant for one person, so it was a tight squeeze.

She snuggled against him. "Thank you," she mumbled. She turned her head and reached her hand around to hold his head a minute, pulling him closer for a little kiss. But as they separated, they both had trouble letting go. Alma felt her hands in Harvey's hair and went in for another kiss. He wrapped his arm tight and felt her shirt lifting off her stomach. They continued to kiss, and she rolled over onto her back, her hand coming to meet his on her stomach.

He propped himself up on his other elbow and looked at her as she began to turn her body to him. "I g-guess this is - this is all right?" She nodded a little and closed her eyes. "You'll tell me if you - if you want to stop, right?"

"I'm obviously not ready for much more than kissing." She could feel the warmth of his breath on her face, and she nuzzled a little closer. "But you're so sweet, I can't …." She looked up at him and chuckled a little. "It's the mustache. I can't resist its magic." She reached her hand up to touch it, and he wiggled his nose back and forth. They both laughed and then settled into a loving look.

"Did you want anything to eat?" Harvey asked. "I made fish for you."

"Yeah? Did it taste good?"

He nodded toward the counter. "Why don't you tell me?"

She turned to look over her shoulder a minute and moaned as she stretched, then she turned back to him and cozied up again, saying, "No, I'm sure your dinner is delicious, but this is better." He stretched his arm behind her to rest her head on, and she curled up against his side, resting one arm on his chest.

"It'll get cold," he encouraged one more time.

"You have a microwave." She gently moved her fingers up and down so her fingernails were slightly scratching where his chest hair peeked out from the neckline of his undershirt.

Harvey wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead. She lifted her face to him and raised herself a little, reaching for his jaw and meeting him for a kiss. He felt her chest press against his, and his hand wandered up and down her back. Her hand moved down his neck and chest, wrapping around his waist, and Harvey's other hand reached up into her hair. They pulled at each other, becoming more and more entangled in each other's arms. Harvey tried to remind himself to stay calm and follow her lead, but it was difficult when he felt her skin in his clothes, her breath on his neck, her tongue on his lips. He remembered just a moment ago when she mistook him for her ex, and it reminded him how fragile she was right now. He tried to slow her down, taking her hand in his, kissing her lips gently, and laying her back on the bed. She looked up at him, her eyes heavy. He felt his fingers along her hairline and whispered, "You need to sleep."

She took a deep breath and settled onto his chest. "Will you wake me up around six?"

"I'll have coffee ready then," he said, kissing her forehead. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Harvey." A small part of him was happy to hear her say his name, like she really was aware it was him and not her ex. He wondered what was going through her mind. How fresh was this divorce? She had mentioned before that last year was when it was being finalized. How long had they been married? Or together before that? She mentioned there were others. How many had hurt her before? How long would it be for her to forget the pain they caused her? Would it ever happen? He felt like there would be a lot of catching up for him to do to earn her trust. But he was willing to do it. He watched as her eyes became heavier and heavier, and he felt his hand along her forearm inside his flannel sleeve. Her skin felt so soft. Again, he felt this combination of amazement that this woman was actually next to him and total comfort and peace, as if she had always been there. But there was also a pang knowing that she had belonged to someone else - and not only that, but that that someone else had hurt her so badly. It felt almost like Harvey and her were together first and someone else had broken their relationship. He felt very protective of her now; he never wanted to hurt her, and he never wanted anyone else to either.

His other hand rested on top of her shoulder, and he moved his hand over to feel the little curls at the base of her neck. Soon, her mouth fell slightly open, her breath slowed, and her fingers began to twitch on his chest until they were finally still. He kissed her again on top of her head and took a breath of her hair. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of her breathing. She was more than worth it. She was not only beautiful and loving, but there was so much about her that made her special. He thought about the things Welwick had said at the fair. He had been thinking about that for days now. The pang of embarrassment from Thursday came back to him, and he felt angry at himself. Harvey sighed, knowing that he was thinking too much. She was here, now, working hard to put her past behind her. And right now, she needed to sleep. He slowly moved his arm from around her and moved his pillow under her head as he scooted himself out. She stirred a little but quickly resettled, never waking up. He pulled the blankets tighter on top of her and kissed her cheek one more time. "I love you." He went to the dresser, pulled out one more spare blanket for himself, took off his work pants, set his watch for 5:30, and lay down on the couch to go to sleep.