"The Shadow of Doubt"
Hank Anderson's Residence
The tense silence in the house was as heavy as it was thick. The revelation that Connor was in fact the vigilante, the supposed 'Twighlight Guardian' protecting Detroit's streets in the night, and that he was living in secrecy had been enough to leave Hank stunned into what felt like an eternal silence. The strange mystery revolving around the tragically short life and the abrupt death of Connor had been solved only to have yet another mystery arise in its place. Where the reclusive deviant had been hiding out all that time, why he had chosen to go through such elaborate lengths to fake his death in the beginning, and why he had finally chosen to reveal the truth were the three big questions that Hank wanted answered but couldn't bring himself to ask.
Hank just sat in deep, quiet contemplation as he took in the sight of his former partner returned from the grave now sitting before him. The bruised, battered form of the deviant made it difficult for Hank to properly process everything that he was feeling. At first, he was in denial that Connor was still alive, then he wanted to be angry about being lied to, only to then feel a fleeting moment of joy at Connor's return. Now numb to his own emotions Hank just stared at Connor and tried to figure out what he was going to do next.
Connor was just as silent as the Lieutenant beside him. The deviant knew that he had hurt Hank by hiding the truth and intentionally hiding away from him for so long, but he also knew that he had every right to keep his own life and decisions private. There was no need to justify exercising his right to privacy and right to make decisions without another person's input on the matter.
As much as Connor wanted to speak up just to cut through the smothering silence, he knew that it was best to keep quiet and just let Hank think. There was nothing that he could say that'd somehow ease the man's stressful thoughts or help him to come to terms with what had happened. Slowly the deviant managed to slip his legs over the edge of the bed away from Hank and find his footing on the floor despite his legs being shaky and weak. With one arm wrapped around his sore left side Connor limped down the hallway and found Lucas sitting in the kitchen with Sumo right beside him seeking some affection. The moment that he made eye contact with his little brother Connor managed to give him a small smile before finding his voice again.
"You changed your eye color." The moment Connor spoke up Sumo turned his head and wagged his tail excitedly as he plodded over to the second deviant with a sense of familiarity. The large dog knew who Connor was and knew he wasn't a threat to his masters. "It looks good."
"It wasn't necessarily my decision considering my right eye was destroyed, but I find that this is a good change." Lucas responded modestly as he pressed his fingertips just under his left eye. "I'm impressed that you're on your feet already. How do you feel?"
"Physically or...?"
"I care about how you feel in every sense of the word." Casually Lucas pushed a chair out from beneath the cleaned off and restored table for Connor to join him for a personal chat. He knew that Connor was just as shaken by everything as Hank was and that he needed to talk. "I take it that Hank is upset."
"More like disappointed." Connor admitted as he slowly sat down and immediately had Sumo's chin resting on his knee. As if on autopilot Connor began to pet Sumo's ears and rub at his chin in a gentle manner. "I knew that I'd end up hurting him when I initially decided to take such a drastic move with my life, but the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint him."
"What makes you think he's disappointed?"
"I've disappointed enough people with my decisions and perceived failures to recognize it when someone feels it." Speaking of his past encounters with CyberLife personnel, specifically Amanda, always brought Connor's mood down. "I'm an idiot."
"You're NOT an idiot." Lucas stated firmly as ne refused to let Connor tear his own confidence to shreds. There was no need for him to give up hope so easily. "You chose to do something incredibly selfless. Such selfless acts seldom give the participant any form of personal gain or even benefits. You choosing to sacrifice your own potential future just to protect those who may not have a future of their own to speak of is very noble."
"No. My actions weren't selfless." Connor's hands stopped moving and Sumo pressed his chin down harder to remind the deviant that he still had two perfectly good ears that needed rubbing. "They were selfish. Everything I did, I did for myself. I wanted to prove that I'm so much more than being a weapon for CyberLife, a tool for the police, and a pariah for our people to fear. I wanted to prove that I... I just wanted to show that I can finally do something right. Turns out I was wrong, and I always will be wrong."
"You didn't do any-"
"All I've done is cause more problems than I've managed to solve." The damaged deviant continued on with a mournful tone. "By faking my death, I wasted the police's time - hurting Hank in the process - in looking for a murderer who doesn't actually exist. I caused scrutiny within Detroit itself causing even more harm than good while the city tries to recover after everything it went through with the Revolution. When I exposed the mayor's corruption, I gave the F.B.I. the opening that they needed to murder him in cold blood and continue to cover their tracks. I made things worse and cost a man his life. I never should've gotten involved in anything. It's my fault that the situation in Detroit has gotten worse, not better. I'm a failure in everything that I try to do."
"You can't hold yourself personally accountable for everything and everyone in this city. That's too much responsibility for anyone to bear, especially one deviant who's just trying to help." Lucas couldn't understand what Connor was experiencing or what he was feeling. "The fact that you are very aware of everything happening in the city and how your actions can affect it and its people shows that you're not a failure. You're still learning, brother. As long as you don't give up you'll continue to learn and you'll continue to succeed."
"I'm not even sure if I deserve to call myself your brother." Connor pressed his palm over his swollen eyes to hide his tears as he finally allowed himself to feel and acknowledge everything that he had been denying for so long while in his self-imposed isolation. "I couldn't protect you from being struck by a vehicle when I was standing only a few feet away from you. How can I possibly protect you from everything else?"
"You don't need to protect me; you just need to be here for me when I need you." The compassionate sincerely deviant vowed. "Right now, with everything happening in the city, I need you."
"No, you don't need me." Standing up slowly Connor winced and then stumbled a bit before catching himself against the top of the table with both hands causing the furniture to shudder violently. Once he regained his balance Connor decided that he had overstayed his welcome and needed to go. "As long as you have Hank to look out for you and keep you from making my mistakes, then you'll be fine."
"Where are you going?"
"Away." Connor replied bluntly as he reclaimed his ruined and now useless black shirt from where it rested beside the cold coffee maker and painfully slipped it back on over his battered body. "I need to leave before I make things even worse than they already are. I won't risk disappointing you too."
"Connor, no." Lucas managed to put himself between Connor and the front door and stop his brother from taking another step forward out of the kitchen. "Please don't go. You're hurt and need time to heal. Stay here."
"I don't plan on returning to the streets tonight." The despondent deviant confirmed as he forced himself to lock eyes with Lucas. "In fact, I'm done with my misguided efforts to protect this city and I'm going to lay low until spring. Once Markus is able to run for mayor without any issues to hinder his campaign, I'll turn myself in to the police and answer for everything that I've done."
"NO!" The very idea of Connor surrendering to the police and being arrested was enough to make Lucas practically panic. "You can't throw away your-"
"I already have thrown my life away." Lightly Connor put his hand on Lucas's undamaged left shoulder and only affirmed that he wasn't going to change his mind. "I won't let you or anyone else go down with me. This is the best thing for everyone, and it's the only way to ensure that if someone looks into the shooting of my counterpart and discovers that it's one of Hank's bullets inside of their head, that I can protect him from being wrongfully prosecuted for my falsified murder. He shot that other android to protect me and in self-defense of his own life; it was NOT murder."
"What do I have to say to convince you to stay? At least until dawn."
"Please don't make this harder than it already is." Connor stepped around Lucas and continued his way through the livingroom to access the front door. "I have to go. This is my way of protecting you, Lucas. It's the only way to keep you and Hank from getting into any trouble when I reveal myself to the public."
"I don't want to see you imprisoned for trying to help the city. It isn't fair."
"I acted outside the law, and I acted above it. I need to be held accountable just as anyone else would be."
Unable to say or do anything to convince Connor to stay at the house and to not condemn himself to an impending prison sentence, Lucas could only watch as Connor opened the door and disappeared into the dark hours of the rapidly fading night. It was the first time that Lucas truly felt helpless and useless at the same time in his short life. He didn't know what to do and he didn't know how everything would play out in the end.
As Lucas stood in the livingroom and stared at the now closed front door, Hank wandered silently down the hallway and saw that Connor had left. Without uttering a word Hank walked into the kitchen to get himself some coffee and saw that Lucas had managed to clean up the kitchen entirely in the time that he and Connor were down the hallway. The efficiency and speed of androids could be genuinely frightening at times.
The man still didn't know what to say about everything that he had just learned let alone feel about it. The last thing he wanted to do was try to discuss anything with Lucas considering how upset the deviant was. Then again, his paternal side made Hank want to explain to Lucas that his anger wasn't a choice or a reflection on how he truly felt about Connor, it was a reaction to the situation as a while.
They all just needed time to think and process everything that had happened.
Moving sluggishly Hank wandered over to the coffee maker and pressed the button with such force he actually pushed the entire machine back against the wall by mistake. The wait for the coffee to brew was almost as bad as the headache gnawing away at his last nerve. Hank bowed his head forward to watch the old machine slowly fill the glass carafe with the steaming hot coffee drop by drop, then noticed something unusual tucked just beneath the machine barely out of sight.
"Hm. What's this?"
Using only his fingertip Hank pressed down and pulled what looked like a small business card from under the machine and flipped it over to read the details. There was a familiar name and unfamiliar phone number printed over the surface that immediately held Hank's attention.
"You gotta' be fuckin' kiddin' me..."
The 'ding' from the coffee maker pulled Hank's attention away from the machine and he casually slipped the card into his jean pocket out of a natural reflex. As he opened the cupboard to pull down a clean mug Hank heard Lucas softly walk into the kitchen behind him undoubtedly seeking counsel from the one person that he knew he could trust.
However, Lucas couldn't bring himself to say anything. The deviant just stared at Hank for a minute before quietly turning around and returning to the livingroom to sit down on the couch and be by himself. Cybernetically Lucas dimmed the overhead light and carefully lowered himself down to lay over the length of the furniture on his back to enter rest mode and allow his system to continue healing the remaining damage to his right arm.
Hank poured himself his coffee and turned to look at the deviant sleeping on the couch just inside the next room. The way Sumo whined a little before circling around to lay on the floor between the couch and the coffee table reminded Hank that even the loyal dog could pick up on the tense emotions in the house. Everything seemed somewhat normal until that fateful night, and Hank knew that there was no coming back from learning the truth about Connor and the vigilante.
There was no doubt that Hank was going to have a difficult decision to make before the year was over.
Belle Isle: Lodestar Visionary Lighthouse
It had taken Connor until nearly sunrise to reach finally the isle on the other side of the single bridge considering the pain he was attempting to ignore and the snow that had collected along the hidden passageway was now ankle-deep. After trudging across the quiet isle and isolated to get to his lighthouse and hide away from the world, Connor noticed that there was a fresh set of footprints in the snow leading right up to the lighthouse door. The prints belonged to a trusted colleague, and one that Connor already knew would come to check on him eventually whether he asked or not. In a way, it was nice to have someone waiting at what he considered his home for his return.
The moment he staggered through the doorway Connor saw Lucy standing inside the study overlooking the harbor and fell to his knees in exhaustion. It seemed even the most advanced androids were still no match for the ravages of mortality and rage at bigoted hands. Connor pushed himself back up, his arms and legs trembling with each synthetic muscle being used, and soon felt Lucy wrap her arm around his back and press her opposite hand against his chest to support him.
Seeing how much the ship had sunk down into the harbor after he had rescued Lucy made Connor truly glad that he found her when he did. She would've easily been lost to the harbor and never located. The infamous ship would officially be destroyed by the city as a means of keeping people from venturing through such a dangerous and unstable vessel and to keep another anti-android gang from congregating along the isolated harbor.
"I knew you'd survive." Lucy stated with a cryptic confidence. Slowly she led him to the modest bedroom and helped to lay down and get some rest. "Our people have been worried about you when word of your assault reached the isle's shores."
"W-Worried?" Connor asked through gritted teeth as he carefully rolled from his back to lay on his right side. As he turned his body, he noticed Lucy standing over him before she draped the soft, warm quilt over his aching body. "Why would... they worry about me?"
"You are our guardian. A protector that gives our people the courage they need to walk the streets without fearing an assault or destruction at the hands of humans who refuse to acknowledge our lives."
"I'm a failure." The deviant whispered as he tried to ignore the pain in his left side long enough to get some rest. The fragility of a repaired biocomponent was the equivalent of a human trying to keep a broken bone stable as it knit. "I thought I was helping our people; I really did. All I ended up doing was creating chaos and misunderstanding at every venture I undertook."
"In what did you fail?" Lucy asked as she gently took Connor's bandaged hand in her own and held tight as she read his heart. The pain, the depression and the sense of being haunted by his past mistakes were all acting as a potent poison tainting the purity of his heart. "Your actions did not lead to the consequences that you had anticipated, but they are far from failures. They are simply leading you to new challenges you aren't prepared to handle."
"The laws and my conscience say otherwise."
"The laws are not written in stone, and they will be changed by the time winter thaws into a spring full of new life and new chances." She promised sweetly as she tucked Connor's hand under the quilt while his still bruised eyes fell shut and he gave way to rest mode. "In time, your conscience can change as well."
"I highly doubt that."
"Be patient, and you will see."
Lucy stepped away from the bedroom for a moment before returning with a familiar dark coat in her arms. Without asking for an invitation Lucy draped the warm garment that Connor had given to her the night he found her within the ruins of Jericho over Connor's now resting form. The coat was one that had been worn for a long time and showed its age, but it was still warm, and it brought a sense of comfort to anyone who wore it.
With only one person in immediate need of her comfort, Lucy chose to remain in the lighthouse and keep vigil over Connor as he rested. It was time for someone else to guard the guardian and ensure that he was able to recover from his brush with death.
Detroit Central Precinct: Bullpen
The morning had arrived far too soon as Hank entered the precinct with Lucas trailing behind him. Despite his efforts to keep Lucas back home to finish recovering in peace, Lucas had refused to sit on the sidelines and insisted on helping his colleagues in every way that he could. While Hank wanted to see Lucas taking it easy to allow his body to finish healing, he was relieved to have the deviant in his immediate sight knowing that he wasn't putting himself in danger while seeking out Connor, while also knowing that Lucas would be able to help everyone catch up on their reports and keep track of the numerous recent arrests. It was a double-edged sword to have Lucas back and working despite still being damaged and in need of a proper recovery period.
Hank wasn't fairing much better himself considering how exhausted he was. Using the power of caffeine and the need of a potent distraction, Hank pushed through his fatigue and promptly set to work without so much as batting an eye at the twenty-eight arrest records he'd need to review. The very idea of dealing with the people who attacked and nearly killed Connor was enough to make Hank's shoulders slump heavily.
"Good morning, Lieutenant." Tina greeted her superior officer with a small smile and a blue coffee mug wrapped up under a single red ribbon tied in a bow in her hands. There were two candy canes and a sample packet of high-end hot chocolate tucked inside. "Hope this isn't too forward or anything, but it seems like everyone needs a little cheering up right now."
"Yeah, thanks." Hank watched from the corner of his eye as Tina placed the mug down beside his keyboard with a graceful motion. "Uh, I don't really exchange gifts anymore..."
"That's okay, I don't give gifts expecting to get one in return." She motioned to the two candy canes in the mug and isolated the cane with red and white stripes from the cane with two different shades of blue for its stripes. "Just be sure to let Lucas have the blue candy cane, it's Thirium-based."
"He'll appreciate that."
"Where is he anyway?" Tina glanced about and saw that Lucas had already disappeared. "I saw him come in with you."
"My guess is he went up to see Joel considering he's still kind of banged up." Hank truly wasn't sure where Lucas would've gone, but he did have a hunch considering the only other person who knew of their close encounter with the vigilante was already in the second floor dispensary. "He's not in any pain though, and that's what's important."
"That's good. Wish I could say the same about the frostbite on my fingertips." Tina flexed her hands a few times for good measure before going on her merry way to spread more Christmas cheer. "Remember you and Lucas can always stop by my apartment if you want some good Christmas food on Christmas evening. Me and Chris are the lucky ones who get the whole day off this year."
"Thanks, Tina. We'll be fine scrounging for a proper meal at the house by the time we get back home on Christmas."
Doing his best to appear casual but tired, Hank attempted to stop thinking about where Connor had gone and of how much his departure had hurt Lucas. The idea of Connor being anywhere in the city right now was hard to not think about considering the deviant was believed dead for the better part of two months. That of course made Hank think of all the places that Connor could've gone and all the people he could've met during those two months, and of how much Connor had changed in the time since they had parted ways on that historic, cold November morning.
Despite his best efforts to concentrate Hank simply couldn't focus on his work. Sinking back into his chair Hank glanced about his rather bland desk and noticed that he never replaced the opened spaces left behind after he threw out the anti-android propaganda that he allowed to litter his workspace for so long. The only thing he kept was the framed photograph of his old task force that got him promoted to Lieutenant. The dying Bonsai tree had been adopted by Lucas and the deviant was actually bringing the neglected tree back to life day by day.
"What the fuck is wrong with me? Need to work."
Hank held his hands over his keyboard and began typing again. As he saved his work the day's date flashed over the screen and reminded him that in two days Christmas would arrive and once more he was going to let the day pass by without acknowledging it. Without a family to celebrate with, December 25th was just another date on the calendar.
Then again...
Slowly his eyes drifted over to the mug on the corner of his desk and couldn't help but feel grateful that even after everything he's been through Tina still saw him worthy of kindness and the occasional conversation. In spite of his best efforts to truly alienate himself from the world Hank couldn't push everyone away as easily as he believed that he could.
That included a pair of deviants who were always willing to give him the chance to prove that he wasn't a total loser who had given up on his life.
"All right, fuck it, I'll find Lucas a decent gift for Christmas. It might help him cheer up a little."
Using his phone Hank began some last-minute online shopping and hoped that the delivery drone would be able to drop off his order by the time they were back home without Lucas noticing. It took him a few minutes to think of something that he was sure the deviant would like, or at the very least need, and placed the order with the requested delivery time tagged along with the instructions.
After all, he did consider Lucas to be a part of his family. Why not get the deviant at least one nice thing to commemorate the holiday?
"I wish the holidays didn't make everything so damn complicated. Then again, living in Detroit has guaranteed complications included in every neighborhood."
Detroit Central Precinct: Second Floor Dispensary
The dispensary was unusually tense and yet painfully quiet as Lucas had a personal meeting with Joel regarding his return to the precinct. It seemed as if Lucas was becoming too restless for his own good and needed to find anything to help preoccupy his thoughts for an indefinite period of time. Joel had a good idea of why the deviant detective was so on edge and reluctant to talk, and he decided to gently coax Lucas into opening up a little. The laidback technician knew better than to ask any revealing or damning questions regarding an investigation, yet his own curiosity about the vigilante was proving to be a little too intense to ignore. Joel needed to know what had happened after he left the house the previous night.
Lucas managed to tell Joel enough about what had transpired once Connor regained consciousness without giving away too many details by mistake. As expected, when he mentioned that the vigilante had left the house and gone back into hiding Joel was a little letdown. The kind man still wanted to personally thank Connor for saving his life.
"I guess with the vigilante out and about, that means I'm down to just you as a patient." Joel noted in a teasing manner as he removed Lucas's right arm from the support sling and carefully pressed down on the deviant's shoulder, elbow, finger and all five of his finger joints to test their physical responses. "How does that feel?"
"There is no pain." Lucas replied honestly as he allowed Joel to flex his fingers, wrist and fingers one at a time. "My strength is returning as well."
"Good. Let me test your range of motion, then I'll have you apply direct pressure to the pressure pad to test your current strength level."
"Even if I'm not at full functional capacity," Lucas only winced slightly when Joel extended his arm out to its full length and slowly rotated the limb along his shoulder joint to check his range of motion. "I need to be able to work. I'll accept desk duty if it's necessary."
"That might the best thing for everyone considering you said that you weren't in pain, but I just saw you flinch." The astute technician wasn't going to be fooled so easily by Lucas's attempts to downplay his own damage. "After the strength test is finished, I'll let Captain Fowler know you're fit enough to return to desk duty. If you use your left arm and hand today, I'll refrain from resecuring your right arm in the sling."
"That's fair."
"I find it a little strange how you're healing rather slowly despite being such an advanced model." Carefully Joel let Lucas take back his arm and motioned for the deviant to accompany him to the far wall where a square shaped padded sensor was mounted with a glass display screen above it. "If your self-healing program functioning as it should?"
"Yes, it's functioning correctly. I was designed to be indestructible, which means my self-healing program is three times as thorough as the average deviant and subsequently functions slower than the average deviant."
"Huh. All right, then." Joel picked up Lucas's right arm again and placed his palm flat against the center of the sensor pad. "Push down slowly until you can no longer apply any direct pressure. I'll monitor your strength on the display screen after I put in your model information to ensure that we're getting an accurate reading regarding your arm's appropriate functionality."
"Understood."
"And..." Quickly Joel grabbed a transparent digital tablet and activated the proper program. "Go."
Lucas easily managed to apply an impressive amount of pressure to the sensor pad and get a respectable reading on the attached display screen. The fact that Lucas was considered weak despite being able to apply over seven-hundred pounds of pressure to the pad was very humbling to the laidback technician.
"Th-Thats... good. Wow." Joel made a note of the reading and checked the reading among other documented applications of such strength. "Your 'bad' arm has the comparable strength to a lion's bite. I don't think you actually need to be on desk duty, but I'm going to request it for your next three shifts as a precaution."
"Three days seems excessive." Lucas noted keenly as he watched the nervousness behind Joel's gaze. He knew that Joel was trying to hide something from him for an unknown reason. "Why should I have such a prolonged stint of desk duty?"
"Well, I just don't want to see you get hurt or caught in the line of fire." The rapid writing on the tablet reflected Joel's anxiousness as he addressed Lucas with full honesty and complete exposure. "I know that you're going to want to search for the vigilante. I don't want you to end up in a bad situation."
"To which type of bad situation are you referring?"
"There were nearly thirty people arrested last night for having illegal guns and drugs, and they were all anti-android." Despite not being a detective Joel couldn't pass through the bullpen that morning without asking about what happened the night before out at the harbor. "I'd hate to imagine how many more members of their gang might be running around right now and wanting revenge on the police - specifically their growing android personnel."
"While I appreciate your concern, I know I can protect myself." The somewhat agitated deviant claimed as he wrapped his palm around his sore right shoulder and slowly moved his arm back and forth as if trying to work out a tight muscle knot. "May I please return to the bullpen?"
"Yeah, let me sign off on your clean bill of health and forward the e-mail to Captain Fowler." As a show of good faith Joel gave Lucas's upper arm a reassuring pat and a small smirk before he went over to his laptop. "Just stay behind your desk for at least today. Especially since everything that happened last night had to have disrupted your rest cycle by a good four hours."
"I'm capable of functioning without prolonged rest for approximately three-hundred and thirty-six consecutive hours." The constant referrals to being too weak to work had finally gotten to Lucas. "Four hours of sleep deprivation doesn't affect me the same way as it would a human."
"Right, sure." The way Lucas uncharacteristically snapped made Joel back off quickly and stop trying to cheer up someone who didn't want to be cheered up until they were done feeling whatever they were already feeling. There were no wrong emotions, after all. "Uh, see you around."
Lucas heard the mild offense in Joel's response and immediately felt guilty. He didn't want to make anyone feel bad for any reason, especially a friend who was just trying to look out for him. It was a strangely eye-opening moment as Lucas began to feel as if he understood both Hank and Connor a little bit better just by having his own strong emotional reaction to someone metaphorically hovering over him.
"Joel, I apologize." Lucas waited for Joel to look up at him again before he continued speaking. "I know you're only attempting to help me; I shouldn't have lost my temper with you like that."
"Apology accepted. And it's okay, I know that you're still learning about your own emotions." Chill as ever Joel brushed off the incident and didn't think twice about what had happened. "We all have a breaking point, and it's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Thank you for understanding."
Needing a mild distraction of his own Lucas exited the dispensary and used the elevator to return to the ground floor. The vacant elevator car gave him enough space and time to recompose himself before he reunited with Hank at his desk, although he knew he wasn't looking forward to the cold silence that had been formed between Hank and himself all due to a single incident that neither of them could control or change.
Their mutual concern for Connor should've brought them closer together, but now Lucas was afraid it was going to push them apart.
The anxious deviant slowly made his way across the bullpen and sat down at his desk without addressing Hank. It was easier to just not speak than it was to bring up a sensitive subject or even try to pretend as if nothing had happened. Until either detective knew how to discuss what had happened the night before they'd have to spend their shift sitting in awkward and tense silence while hoping for no further incidents to interfere with their efforts to handle a typical, productive day at the precinct.
The more time Lucas spent with humans, the more he grew to understand and appreciate discretion.
Belle Isle: Visionary Lodestar Lighthouse
What should've been a peaceful night's rest and turned into a full day of sleeping through the worst of an overdue recovery period. The internal damage had resulted in Connor's self-healing program shifting into overdrive and using twice as much Thirium as usual in the process. In return Connor had ended up falling into a deep stasis mode and critically low Thirium reserves. The healing deviant was essentially anemic and needed a technician's assistance if he was to make a proper, full recovery after his body had been so beaten down and pushed to its limits. Mortality and finite strength were two traits that all life shared, and it seemed even newly recognized inorganic life such as deviant androids were no exception.
Slowly Connor rolled from his right side and onto his back with a moderate groan. The deviant was unaware of how long he had slept until he checked his chronometer and felt Lucy's warm, soft palm pressing to his cheek. As he opened his heavy eyes Connor felt mild pain accompanying his every move as his system warned him of his dangerously low Thirium volume through red warnings in his vision alerting him to the danger in a way that was impossible to ignore.
"You're awake." Lucy stated in a whisper as she gauged how alert Connor was at the moment. In a comforting manner Lucy offered Connor an opened bottle of Thirium to help him regain his strength without needing to leave the sanctuary of his lighthouse. "You were in stasis mode for twenty-six hours. It is now Christmas Eve, the sun is starting to set, and the city has been quiet."
"...Th-The city doesn't need me." Connor stated in a dry, hoarse voice. His hand shook as he accepted the Thirium and drank the contents slowly enough to soothe his sore throat and replenish his strength. "It's already improving without my interference."
"The city is improving because your actions led to the arrests of twenty-eight dangerous people. You removed equally dangerous weapons and lethal drugs from the streets. You spared countless families and friends the painful loss of losing someone they love to such unnecessary dangers."
"No, the police-"
"The police would not have known about the situation if you hadn't reported it." Lucy kept her palm on Connor's healed cheek and made him look into her eyes as she spoke to him with a true caring passion that could only come from those with the heart of a healer. "You may attempt to downplay the significance of your actions last night, but the truth cannot be changed or ignored."
Connor didn't have anything to say to such a blunt comment that couldn't possibly be argued against. He chose to instead finish the Thirium and run a self-diagnostic on his system. Whenever a reading came back positive over a previously damaged site Connor would remove the bandages covering the now healed wound one at a time until he was completely unwrapped from the protective gauze. It was only when he made a move to rise from his bed did he notice that Hank's coat that had been draped over him to help him keep warm as he rested.
"...You stayed with me while I was unconscious," Connor asked as he picked up the coat and then neatly folded it. "didn't you?"
"You needed a friend."
"It's hard to have friends when you're the enemy of your own people and even to yourself."
"You're isolated by your own decisions, but you're never truly alone."
"And yet isolation is all I deserve."
Lamenting his past decisions and the consequences that were now plaguing him, Connor rose from the bed and felt his entire body sway as his gyroscope recalibrated and he regained his balance. The torn clothing that covered his healed form were beyond saving. Slowly Connor removed his torn Kevlar shirt and dropped the hood down beside it on the floor to be forgotten. Peering about the bedroom Connor noticed a few key items were missing and his heart skipped a beat as he quickly identified what was missing.
It was then Connor realized that he had mistakenly left his mask and his bo-staff back at Hank's house.
"Damn it! I'm such an idiot."
Moving with renewed purpose Connor slid open the small closet and retrieved his more humanoid attire before heading into the bathroom across the way. He'd need to be quick if was going to get out to Hank's house to reclaim his property - potential evidence - before it was too late.
Lucy quietly stepped out of the bedroom to stand in the study as she sensed Connor's mounting distress. The sight of the rapidly setting sun through the window seemed symbolic of Connor's sudden panic as he hastily changed into intact and more winter appropriate clothing before taking on a new mission. He needed to get his property back before it was confiscated and taken to the precinct to be locked away.
"There's something important I need to do."
Connor stated sharply as he slipped on his leather jacket and swiftly returned to the bedroom long enough to reclaim the folded coat that had been left on his bed. With the garment again in his possession Connor marched toward the lighthouse's doorway and opened the electronic lock as he prepared to head out into the city on that cold, snowy night.
"Please don't remain here and wait for me." The idea of Lucy staying in the abandoned lighthouse left Connor feeling uneasy. "Go back to the tower where it's warmer and where you can sleep in your own bed. I'll be all right by myself."
"You seem adamant in being alone."
At that comment Connor suddenly froze in his tracks and it wasn't just from the icy wind blowing in his face. There was something about what Lucy said and how she said it that felt like someone stuck a knife in his heart.
"We live in a very big world, Connor. The world is changing, and we are changing along with it."
Turning to look at Lucy over his shoulder Connor watched as his friend approached him and pressed her palm to the center of his chest for a brief moment.
"Change is never easy, and it's all the more difficult when we force ourselves to change while alone. However, we're never truly alone in this world no matter how far we walk and how far we push people away. Once a person enters your heart, they become a part of you forever."
Connor could only silently watch as Lucy lowered her hand from over his heart leaving behind a sense of emptiness.
Lucy fearless stepped out of the lighthouse and proceeded to walk gracefully back to New Jericho Tower with steps that almost made her look as if she was in fact gliding over the freshly fallen snow. It was amazing to see someone who had been so horribly battered by the violent hands of cold humans continue to walk tall and confidently without any fear as their life continued to move forward.
It was becoming harder for Connor to deny that being alone was impacting his psyche in a very negative manner.
Standing along the shore of the isle for a minute Connor peered out at the city as it began to glow brighter with festively colored lights and a gentle hum of holiday music emanated from the shopping districts. The activities taking place elsewhere with a strong belief that he'd never be welcome to join in physically caused Connor's heart to ache with a strange pain he'd never known before. Rather than try to find a way to overcome his pain and push through it, Connor decided he deserved to feel miserable and chose to instead let it wash over him.
"People can enter your heart, but hearts can also break. What's to keep anyone inside your heart after it's already been broken?"
Hank Anderson's Residence
A chaotic shifted ended with Hank grumpily driving back to the house with Lucas sitting quietly beside him. The two detectives had been run ragged as they worked to keep up with the mounting reports, interrogations and following arrests as more members of the already arrested gang were identified and located. The number of bigoted humans being brought in after finding their stockpile of weapons, drug stashes and their confirmed plans to attack the deviant community areas once spring came around, was absolutely sickening. Such a reality left Hank giving himself a good hard look in the mirror and realized how close he had been to being considered just as hate-filled and ignorant as the arrested gang causing his precinct to overflow with disgusting rhetoric.
Lucas on the other hand had wisely kept his presence to a minimum while he was at the precinct. Being a deviant android surrounded by anti-android bigots left him longing for some space and managed to convince Gavin to go on patrol with him so that they could get away from the repugnant group for a while. Since Gavin wanted to be away from as many people as possible as well, he was quick to agree, and they spent the past two shifts driving aimless patrols in the city in near absolute silence.
Hank hadn't said much to Lucas beyond basic necessary conversation for their shifts during the past two days, and he was beginning to feel as if he had completely backtracked on all of his hard work to be a better person and stop shoving friends and colleagues away. Luckily, the man had thought of a clever idea to salvage the situation and convinced Lucas to trust him on what could be a helpful manner to patch their mild rift before it grew too wide to be mended.
"Let me take a hot shower, then I'll meet you in the livingroom." Hank stated with a soft sigh as he stepped out of the parked car and headed toward the front door with his key in hand only to see that Lucas was already unlocking the door with his own key. "It's been a shitty past couple of days, and I don't want you to get taken down by seasonal depression on top of other problems. It's not any fun when it feels like your own brain and emotions are out to get you, trust me on that."
"I already do trust you." Lucas replied softly as they entered the house together. As he turned to lock the door behind himself Lucas caught the faint movement of someone slipping around the side of the property, but didn't think too much of it since Sumo didn't react to the potential presence. "I just feel as if I don't fully understand you yet."
"Yeah? Well..." Pausing for a moment Hank took Lucas's words to heart without any judgement toward the deviant. "Welcome to the club."
Lucas just nodded as he walked over to Sumo's pillow in the corner of the livingroom and gave the large dog some chin rubs before leading him to the backdoor through the kitchen. The lovable dog was ready to run around outside in some fresh snow and happily accompanied Lucas to the backyard. Just seconds after setting paw on the snow Sumo's ears perked up and he let out a single happy bark as he trotted to the side of the house to greet someone who was trying to be discreet.
"Connor?" Lucas whispered as he followed Sumo. Sure enough, he saw Connor crouched down to give Sumo some ear rubs before straightening up again. "You're okay. Thank you for coming back."
"I'm sorry for being difficult to locate and communicate with and that I worried you." The fear of disappointing his brother was as prevalent as disappointing Hank. "I had been in extended stasis mode to recover from my damage."
"Understandable. Why have you returned?"
"I need... Before I left the house, I neglected to take all of my gear with me." As he spoke Connor nervously glanced about the property and kept Hank's folded coat draped casually over his arms before himself. Despite being freezing cold he refused to use the coat to protect himself from the relentless chill in the air. "Do you still have them in your possession?"
"Hank has shown no interest in your mask or your weapon." Lucas immediately knew what gear Connor was referring to. "I secured them in the laundry room to keep them out of sight for a while in case you returned."
"Thank you."
"Come inside for a moment, and I'll give them to you. You look very cold."
"No, I'd rather not." Connor couldn't bring himself to face Hank again. It hurt too much to even try to talk to him. "I don't want to- It's just complicated."
"You're afraid of Hank, aren't you?"
Connor couldn't answer. His silence didn't stem from a lack of answer, it stemmed from the fact that Connor didn't want to acknowledge the truth.
"It's all right, I won't ask you to do anything that you're uncomfortable with." Taking two steps back Lucas turned on his heels and made his way to the backdoor without asking for Connor to join him. "I'll just be a minute."
Relieved to know that he didn't need to worry about Hank or Lucas being affiliated with him as the vigilante, Connor stayed outside and ran his hand along Sumo's ears and soon had the dog happily circling around at his feet. The lovable dog made Connor proud that he had helped so many stray animals during his previous night patrols, and now he was sad that he wouldn't be able to continue to help the innocent animals now that he had stepped down from being the vigilante.
"You're a good dog, Sumo. Thank you for protecting Lucas and Hank when I cannot."
"You don't need to protect us." Lucas replied sweetly as he handed Connor his gear discreetly contained with a festive gift bag. Shuffling awkwardly back and forth on his feet Lucas tried to ease Connor's worries despite having his own emotional turmoil to face. "You just need to let us stay a part of your life. We care about you."
"I'm aware that you care about me, and I truly appreciate and value what that means." Taking the bag by the handles Connor sighed and looked down at the coat once before passing it over to Lucas who wordlessly accepted the offered garment. "As for Hank, maybe he did for a brief moment, but after I betrayed his trust and disappointed him with my deception... I can't do anything to undo the damage that I inflicted."
Lucas again found himself at a loss for words even as inspiration struck. Stepping forward slowly Lucas stood before Connor and carefully wrapped his arms around his big brother's shoulders and pulled him in for a strong hug. As he embraced Connor with a true need to protect his family from all the evils in the world Lucas felt Connor lean in to the hug and wrap his own arms around his shoulders in return. It was as if Connor had been alone for so long in his own decisions that he had forgotten what it felt like to be in the company of someone he trusted and could trust him in return.
"I'm not sure what kind of struggle you're attempting to endure on your own right now," Lucas continued to embrace his brother as he offered him words of comfort in his time of emotional needs. "but please try to understand that you don't have to be alone if you don't want to be. I'm here for you, and I know that Hank will be here too if you just ask him."
"I don't even know what it is that I'm doing anymore." Connor admitted as he refused to let up on the hug just yet. He didn't want to leave despite believing that it was best for everyone for him to disappear until it was time to turn himself over to the police. "I'm not even sure if what I'm doing can be argued as survival."
"Please allow me to help you. You've been watching over me and helping me from the moment you helped me to deviate." When he felt Connor slowly letting up on the hug Lucas reluctantly loosened his grip and looked into his brother's eyes. "Let me help you. That's what families do."
"I won't let you put yourself in danger because of me, not ever again." Taking in a deep breath Connor stepped away from Lucas and approached the fence surrounding the property and grabbed the top of the wood plank with a firm grip. "Thank you for helping me already. Please give that coat back to Hank and let him know I appreciate him allowing me to borrow it. It helped me and other people keep warm on cold nights. However, I no longer need it, and I want him to have it back since it was originally his coat."
"I will."
Lucas promised as he watched Connor easily hoist himself up and leap over the fence with a single motion. The way the deviant was able to move about so stealthily despite being weak and in pain was impressive to say the least. Only when he couldn't hear Connor's footsteps crunching in the snow did Lucas decide it was time to return to the house and face Hank at last.
"Enjoy the snow, Sumo. I'll be sure to brush out your fur when you're finished playing."
Sumo happily rolled about in the fresh snowbank and was seemingly set on making sure every possible flake would cling to every strand of his fur. The large breed loved the snow and had no problem being out in the chilly weather compared to most other canine breeds.
Quietly Lucas returned to the house through the backdoor and heard the bathroom door open casually. Politely he kicked off his snowy shoes by the backdoor and proceeded to walk into the livingroom just as Hank reached his bedroom at the end of the hallway. The deviant sat down on the couch and decided to scan over the old coat now in his possession with a keen interest behind the garment itself.
The heavy, dark coat was one-hundred percent cotton and nearly a decade old. The smell of mothballs and Hank's preferred cologne clung to the fabric along the collar. The elbows, sleeves and the hem of the coat were slightly discolored from years of being worn, dragged along the floor at the end of a hard day and from having Hank leaning against his elbows against many surfaces during his field investigations in the bitter cold.
"All right, son." Hank announced his presence as he made his way down the hallway with a modest sized box in his hands. There was dark red paper wrapped around the box and an equally dark green bow on top. "This is for you. It's your first Christmas present, and since we'll be dead tired tomorrow on the actual Christmas Day, I want you to unwrap it now so that you can have something special all your own."
"You got me a gift?"
"Yup."
"But I didn't get anything for you to open."
"To quote Officer Chen," Hank placed the wrapped box down on the coffee table in front of Lucas and motioned to the gifted coffee mug sitting on the mantle with a casual wave of his hand. "I don't give gifts expecting a gift in return. It's okay, son. Go ahead, open it up!"
"I... Thank you, Hank."
"Why're you thanking me?" The man asked with a sheepish grin as he dropped into his recliner and watched Lucas studying the wrapped gift after he picked it up to hold for himself. "You haven't even opened it yet."
"I don't need to like the gift to appreciate you giving it to me." Lucas replied sweetly as he carefully opened the paper wrapping without tearing a single piece in the process. After he revealed the white box beneath, he slid open the lid and found himself presented with quite a curious array of items. "You bought me art supplies."
The box had three blank canvases, a handful of new brushes, a rainbow of oil paints, a wooden palette and a book detailing the proper care for such paints to ensure they had a long shelf life. Such an interesting, creative gift was one that caused Lucas to tilt his head with genuine intrigue.
"I know that as a deviant you're new to emotions." Hank stated in a casual manner as he explained the reasoning behind his gift. "And a lot of humans find it easier to express their own emotions and better understand what they're feeling through artistic expression. So I figured if you had some kind of artistic outlet that you'd be able to really get a grasp on what you're feeling and become more confident in yourself. Painting seemed like a good start, but if you're not into it then it's okay, you can try anything you want for whatever reason you want."
"This is a very thoughtful gift." Lucas seemed genuinely interested in the gift and carefully inspected each item one by one as he emptied the box and placed his gift down on the coffee table. "I... I like it. I really do, and I'm not sure why."
"Yeah? Good!" A proud, almost paternal smile appeared on Hank's face as he saw a light flash over Lucas's eyes. "And don't worry, you don't need to justify anything you like or dislike to anyone as long as no one's getting hurt."
"I'll remember that. By the way..." Glancing down at the coat resting on his lap Lucas remembered what Connor requested of him and presented the neatly folded coat for Hank to take back and keep for himself. "This was given to me to give back to you."
"Who gave- Connor." Hank's smile faded for a moment and his eyes became intense with an unidentifiable emotion of his own. He instantly remembered who he gave the coat to and was a little surprised to have it returned to him. "Surprised he kept it as long as he did."
"He said he was very grateful to have been given the coat. It kept him and other deviants warm during the intense cold, but he wants you to have it back."
Hearing that Connor appreciated the offering and had protected other deviants from the cold with the one coat seemed to ease Hank's personal tension about the return of the garment. It was as if knowing that his kind gesture wasn't in vain eased a sense of unnecessary unease with his past decisions.
"You helped Connor in a way you can't understand." Lucas didn't need to be an expert on emotions to know what Hank was currently feeling. "You did help him, even if it wasn't in a way that you had anticipated. He's alive right now because of you."
Hank's eyes slipped shut as he leaned back in his recliner and placed both hands on top of the coat as he remained neatly folded over his lap. It was strange how Lucas was worried that he hadn't gotten Hank a gift for Christmas, yet his words gave Hank so much more than any little trinket ever could.
"...Merry Christmas, Lucas." Clearing his throat a little Hank did his best to keep his voice from getting choked up as he spoke. "I promise that next year we'll celebrate the holiday in a more traditional manner with some decorations and a tree in the corner."
"Merry Christmas, Hank." The idea of having something to plan for and anticipate made it easier for Lucas to look forward to his future with his friend and everything that could happen in a year's time. "I can't wait to see what the rest of the year and the following year have in store for me to experience."
Belle Isle: Visionary Lodestar Lighthouse
It was cold, lonely walk as Connor ventured through the city to return to his isolated hideaway out on Belle Isle. The slow stroll through the decorated and warmly lit streets only made him feel twice as cold and twice as lonely in the world. Leaving Hank's house after being able to speak to Lucas and receive a hug from his little brother had been a very comforting feeling, and now it was a feeling that Connor was pining to experience yet again. He didn't like to be alone despite knowing it was the safest thing for everyone around him. The deviant vigilante had learned the hard way that he wasn't the type of person to do well in prolonged isolation, and that he needed to be able to talk to someone in person and just be near other people from time to time to stave off his own sense of loneliness.
Connor walked as slowly as he could as he crossed the bridge connecting Belle Isle to the rest of the city, then did the same as he crossed the isle itself to return to the lighthouse. It seemed the more time he spent inside his personal sanctuary the more he began to resent it. The lighthouse gave him shelter, kept him safe, and kept his secrets from the rest of the world, and now Connor began to see it as a prison of his own design.
Walking with his shoulders slumped and head down, Connor returned to the lighthouse and begrudgingly used his exposed palm to unseal the electronic lock. As the door slid open Connor peered inside the secured space and felt his heart race with a sense of dread as he realized that the lighthouse wasn't empty as it should've been. More importantly, Connor wasn't as alone as he should've been.
"Connor." Lucy stepped forward and extended her hand toward the startled deviant as a show of good faith. "It's all right. They understand."
Standing behind Lucy in a semi-circle were Markus, North, Josh, Simon and Skye. The five deviants were as surprised to see Connor as he was to see them. Their mixture of intense emotions only made the moment seem all the more complicated.
"You're not alone." Lucy insisted as she waited for Connor to accept her hand and enter the lighthouse. "You never were, and you never will be."
"She's right." Markus spoke up as he stepped forward and extended his hand as well. There was a warm smile of understanding plastered on his confident face. "I explained everything to everyone here, and we want you to know that you don't have to hide anymore."
Connor looked at everyone one at a time and tried to understand what they were feeling. North seemed a little annoyed, yet openminded considering she knew that her life had been saved when Connor protected her during the Raid after she had been shot trying to escape Jericho, and then saved her again when she was at the harbor by herself shortly after the peaceful Demonstration and Revolution. Josh looked uneasy but willing to accept Connor back into the fold once he became used to the idea of associating with a vigilante. Simon had a truly sincere smile on his face and was just as welcoming as Markus. However, it was Skye who was the most intriguing. The aspiring deviant attorney knew of Connor's past and couldn't help but admire how he had found a way to keep pushing forward after the leaders had passed cruel judgement against him and didn't give up on finding the good in the world.
Slowly Connor raised one hand toward Lucy's extended palm and raise his second hand still holding his baf toward Markus the moment he felt Lucy's warm touch. Having friends welcoming him into their group - making him feel wanted - made it difficult for Connor to keep his guard up. The reclusive deviant entered the lighthouse and was soon surrounded by his allies and friends who showed no signs of fear.
"You don't need to keep your life a secret." Markus insisted as he stood beside Connor and planted his hand on the lonely deviant's shoulder. "You've proven yourself a hero time and time again. You deserve the chance to have a good life without needing to keep yourself locked away from the world."
At that promise Connor closed his eyes tightly and his shaking hand freed of Markus's grip dropped the bag holding the bo-staff and mask, spilling the contents across the floor for everyone to see. Being accepted for who he was, being understood, being wanted and hearing pride not disappointment from those who knew his secrets was all that he had every wanted, and it was only then he finally realized it.
The gathered deviants fearlessly stood before Connor and embraced him with a sense of love and acceptance. The warmth emanating from the group hug was nearly indescribable as Connor felt his emotional pain fading away as he stood in the middle of the lighthouse with his mask and his weapon at his feet while surrounded by his allies and their protective presence. It was as if he was being seen for who he truly was for the first time in his life without any disgust.
"I..." Forcing himself to speak at last, Connor felt the pain in his heart lessen and the icy chill of isolation began to thaw in his heart. "...Thank you."
-next chapter-