Double Standard
"Frank, I was so embarrassed," Carol said as she and Frank walked through the grocery store, trying to fit enough food for eight people in one cart.
"Well I should think so," Frank replied as he grabbed a rump roast and spiked it into the cart, "you're drooling over a naked guy who's young enough to be your son!"
Carol's eyes got wide and her voice dropped to a deeper and horrified tone, "He is not!"
"Well he's young enough to date your oldest daughter, so what does that make him?" Frank asked.
"That makes him..." Carol stopped in the middle of the aisle and put her hands as she tried to answer, and paused for a few seconds as her brain scrambled, "Old, enough...to be...my younger brother."
Frank snorted and rolled his eyes.
"It's possible!" Carol told him.
"So does this mean you're going to let the girls go with you to your next art class?" Frank asked.
"Absolutely not!" Carol answered.
"Well why not, Carol?" Frank asked tauntingly, "the human body is nothing to be ashamed of, besides, if Dana and this guy get serious, she's going to be seeing what we saw anyway and a lot closer than we did."
"Frank Lambert, don't you dare talk that way about my baby!" Carol scolded him.
"Honey, your 'baby' is one year away from being able to vote, smoke, sign a lease, get her own place, pay taxes, buy a shotgun and get married," Frank counted the points off on his fingers. "Don't you think it's time you start acknowledging the fact she's almost an adult? Good Lord, woman, she's old enough to date a nude model!"
"Frank, don't say that!" Carol yelled in a horrified whisper and looked around to make sure nobody was listening.
"What's the matter, Carol?" Frank asked snidely, "are you suddenly ashamed to have people know the women in the Foster family have a thing for naked male models?"
"Absolutely not," Carol replied with a slight hesitation in her words, "I still believe...that the human body is...a beautiful thing...I just think that that beauty is...best kept to...behind closed doors, between adults, none of whom I gave birth to." She paused and asked, "Can we please just drop the subject?"
"Like a two foot putt," Frank answered. "Now, are we done yet? I hate grocery shopping."
"Hold on, let me check my list," Carol said as she reached into her purse. "We still need to get sugar flakes, sliced cheese, mayonnaise, peanut butter, tater tots, chicken-"
"Carol?"
Frank and Carol looked up at the bubbly voice and saw an equally bubbly woman coming down the aisle. She was in her late 20s, a wavy-haired blonde with a perfect tan and a very perky...chest structure.
"Oh hi, Dixie," Carol said, and half turned to her husband, "Frank, this is Dixie Dunham, a customer of mine. Dixie, this is my husband, Frank."
"Hi, Frank," the bubbly blonde said.
"Hi, Dixie," Frank replied, looking while not trying to look at how tight her shorts were along with a tight everything else under them.
"Hey, Carol, can I get an emergency appointment for tomorrow morning?" Dixie asked.
"Sure, I can squeeze you in first thing," Carol said.
"I'm so glad, I start a new job tomorrow and I want my hair to look fantastic," she said with a big smile.
"Well congratulations, what's the job?" Carol asked.
"I'm going to be modeling at the college," she answered proudly.
"Oh, by any chance would that be...Art 105?" Frank asked.
"That's right! How did you know?" Dixie asked.
"Oh well, Carol and I have been taking classes there," Frank said.
"Terrific! I'll look forward to seeing you guys there," Dixie said.
"Oh and we'll definitely look forward to seeing you there," Frank told her.
"Great, bye, Carol!" Dixie waved and walked off.
Carol turned to Frank with big eyes of shock.
"Frank Lambert you are not going to my art class tomorrow night!" she told him.
"Why not?" Frank asked.
"Because...Dixie will be there...in the...in...you know, and I don't want...my husband, looking at another woman in the, in the...you know."
"Oh it'll be great, honey, you'll see," Frank said, "you're the one that said we should spend more time doing things together, and I think I'm going to give this art stuff another try. Oh, I better make sure to get a seat right up front so I can really focus on 'the subject'."
"Frank," Carol said in a warning tone.
"Of course, I haven't had as much experience in art class as you have, I might have to bring along the ol' video camera so I can preserve 'the subject' to revisit later," Frank added, "as many times as necessary."
"Frank Lambert you stop that!" Carol reached over and slapped him on the arm.
"Well now, Carol, I am surprised by your attitude," Frank said, "when I see a woman I don't see a sexual being, I see an arm, and a leg, and a body like concrete."
Carol snorted, "Oh please, all men are exactly the same, you're all pigs, when you see a naked woman all you think about is sex."
"Oh you're wrong, Carol," Frank smirked, "the human body is a beautiful thing, nothing to be ashamed of, it's normal and natural and wonderful. Maybe I should take the binoculars to make sure I capture the whole 'subject'."
"Alright, that's enough, knock it off," she told him.
"Well what's the matter, Carol? Does the idea of me spending an hour and a half drawing a naked woman upset you?" Frank asked.
"No!" she answered too quickly, then added much slower, "...I...just don't...approve of the way you're going about it."
"Does it make you feel jealous?" Frank asked.
"No."
"Insecure?"
"No."
"Inadequate?"
"No," Carol told him.
"How about old and unwanted?" Frank asked.
"That!..." Carol started to answer and couldn't. Her shoulders sagged and she sighed, "Okay, Frank, you made your point. I guess I went a little overboard in class."
"A little?" Frank asked.
"Alright," Carol said, "I got carried away."
"And?" Frank asked.
"And...I behaved inappropriately..."
"And?"
"And...I made you feel...insecure and...and I'm sorry. But I'm not dropping the art class."
"Then we're going tomorrow night?" Frank asked.
"Oh no," Carol shook her head, "you're not going anywhere near Dixie."
"Why not?" Frank asked.
"Because...you'd be...just as bad, as I was," Carol admitted with a sigh.
"And you're going to destroy the sketches you made," Frank said.
"No I'm not."
"Well you have to do something, Carol, Dana and Karen look at them every time you're not in the room," Frank said.
"Okay, fine," she nodded, "I'll...put them away. Now that that's settled can we finish shopping?"
"Sure, honey, what's next on the list?"
"Uh," Carol looked at the list again, "oh here we are, chicken..." she made a face as she forced the last word out, "breasts."
"I'll go get them," Frank said eagerly.
"Frank!"
A/N: I honestly thought the episode "No Business Like Show Business" was going to involve a female model during the art class revealing Carol's hypocrisy, and was disappointed they didn't go that route, so I decided to do it myself.