Fandom: 囀る鳥は羽ばたかない / Saezuru tori wa habatakanai / Twittering Birds Never Fly
Title: Impressions.
Pairing: Doumeki x Yashiro
Rating: PG-13
Description: (AU) Yashiro is caught between memories and his current reality. (Warning: References to implied physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.)

Disclaimer – Yoneda Kou is the author of this sublime manga.

Impressions.
By Miyamoto Yui

Part 1 / Thirties – Starched uniform.

When I stepped into the silent hallway, the floor creaked.

You couldn't understand. I won't let you.

Continuously being thrown away, you become used to watching others outside "the line", whatever face or situation it may be. You know what is accepted and what isn't tolerable. So, you split into several selves.

People crossing Borders for Representations of what's 'real' immersed in Apathy within all my mini Deaths. Being on high-alert for so long incinerated my ability to discern. Or rather, my reasoning became askew.
Under one being, all the connected boundaries became irrevocable fragments. The few you thought you trusted concluded, "I didn't want you anyway."

As a child, you don't know the difference. It's already a death sentence being carried out with every step you take.
As an adult, you're stumped in a big body with a destructive attention-mongering machine. Aloofness is a façade. You don't want things to hurt anyway, to not penetrate where the tears scurry to hide.

Why the fuck do you keep following me anyway?

I squatted to lightly play with the tips of your silky hair as you peacefully slept.

The whore. Slut. Pretty with no substance. I'm just jello, shaking it for everyone with nothing inside. It's easier for them to think that. To claim superiority so they can justify their lifestyles. How unfortunate. The sad thing is that you're furious with me because I don't mind revealing it all, which makes you all question what else I have to use against everyone.

Why should I be disappointed anyway? The concept of expectation withered long ago.
So I don't mind showing that insults amount to an empty glance against my fortitude. It makes sense and then it doesn't. Did you want to hurt me?
Learn to cry without sobbing first.

I've lost my emotions, but they impose theirs on others. You hear about certain people meeting their end and all it receives is an "Oh?" from me. Squishing an ant in passing, it doesn't make any difference, does it? But don't they dare tell me that I can't retaliate because of their tiny view of the "world".

These voices kept a continuous monologue in my head while I forgot what was my own: A sucker for all the lies. Do this, do that, aren't you listening, what's wrong with you, why don't you ever follow what's in front of you?

Because it's fucking boring. It doesn't stimulate me.
Drowning inside myself, you'd have to swim very far to get to the real me. Even I know I'm beyond redemption so you should give up.

So why are you determined to suffocate with me, Doumeki?

Leaning forward, I kissed him while sliding my index finger down his starched uniform.

You don't have to be so jealous of my "person".

Smirking, I got up.

Tsuzuku… / To be continued…

-
Author's note: I never would have thought to write this, but someone gave me the sign that I should.

10/8/2024 10:22:32 PM – Los Angeles
10/9/2024 2:22:32 PM – Tokyo