AN: I just wanted to take a second and thank everyone here and on AO3. All the reviews, Favorites, and Follows give me motivation to keep writing. I love getting feedback and seeing what you guys like, dislike, noticed and/or are confused about. It's been fun writing Katabasis, and I have every intention to keeping writing it to the story's end.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009, 6:40AM
Iwatodai Dormitory, Makoto's Room
For the first time in months, Makoto smacked his alarm clock quiet.
Somehow, he didn't feel as tired as he thought he would. Track followed by a midnight battle against the Full Moon Shadows was not a smart combination, but he felt good. Aching and sore, but his heart was at peace.
As Makoto began preparing for the day, he noticed the dorm was...eerily quiet.
Usually, as prepared for school, there was some kind of noise. Music playing in Junpei's room, the sounds (and smells) of Aragaki making breakfast, Sanada returning from his morning run and loudly conversing with his fellow seniors, someone using the downstairs showers, anything.
Everyone must still be rattled from last night. As he put on his jacket, he saw the faintest glimpse of Orpheus in the mirror, hanging over him and smiling.
Makoto smiled back.
After he got to school and camped out by the entrance, he would soon see that it wasn't just him. Everyone else in SEES looked exhausted that morning. Kirijo was almost chalk white when he saw her, even her hair looked less full and colorful than usual. Aragaki and Sanada were practically dragging themselves past the school gates, looking exhausted and winded just from the walk there, neither even noticing when people called out to them.
Junpei and Yukari only barely arrived to class before the bell rang, the former's eyes shut the entire time, and the later having so much make-up hastily thrown on he could barely recognize her.
And as the bell rang, Makoto saw Kotone's seat was still empty.
"As you should all know," Ekoda said, "there are many theories about the author, Murasaki Shikibu. That 'The Tale of Genji' was written a different author. That 'Murasaki Shikibu' was actually a shared pseudonym between multiple people. Some have even gone so far as to say that she was actually an alien from outer space." Ekoda chuckled, while the rest of the class stared in bored silence. He coughed into his hand and continued. "An intriguing theory to be sure. Now, here's a simple question. Which currency has a picture of Murasaki Shikibu on it? Tell me... Kenji."
"Huh?" The boy hurriedly stood up. "Uhhh...th-the uh, ten thousand yen bill?" He guessed.
Ekoda shook his head. "That'd be the two thousand yen bill, Kenji. Do you kids just not use paper money anymore?" He sniffed and narrowed his eyes at Kotone's empty seat. "Although, I'll give you partial credit for at least showing up to be wrong."
Kenji mumbled something under his breath as he sat down.
Makoto balled his fists. This fucking guy. He could see Yukari tense up in her seat, and as he turned slightly to look at Junpei, he saw that his dorm-mate had covered his eyes with his cap to hide his furious glare from Ekoda.
As the bell rang for lunch, Yukari quickly whipped out her phone.
"Anything?" Makoto asked. She shook her head. "Damn."
She stood up and left with him and Junpei. "She didn't even leave her room this mornin'?" The boy asked as he took off his cap and wiped the sweat from his brow.
"Kotone-chan was..." Yukari sighed. "I heard her crying this morning. When I tried to coax her out, she just got really quiet and refused to answer. I figured if I left her alone she'd come out before school started, but..."
"Geez." Junpei frowned. "Those bastards from last night must have really done a number on her."
"Not just her." Makoto said. "All of our senpai, they looked like ghosts this morning. Just...horribly pale and sickly."
Junpei gave a lopsided grin. "Worse than us."
"Makoto-dono!" A cheery voice called out to him down the hall. As he turned, he saw Bebe waving to him.
"One sec guys." Makoto made his way over to the living ball of sunshine.
"Will zu and Kotone-sama be visiting today?" He asked.
Makoto sighed. "Sorry uh, Kotone didn't show up today."
The boy frowned and brought his fan up to his face. "Oh, is zhe zick?"
"Something like that, yeah. She wasn't feeling well after last night." Bebe tilted his head, and began examining Makoto from different angles. "U-Um, yes?"
The boy stepped backed. "Are zu ok, Makoto-dono? Have zu been geeting enough sleep? Zu look rather tired...zu and zour friends over zere."
Makoto scratched his head and looked back to Yukari and Junpei, now joined by Fuuka. They were all slouched, lethargic-looking, and in Junpei's case, excessively sweaty. "Maybe? It might be the weather, it might be something going around the dorm. I dunno..." Makoto trailed off, unable to look into the French boy's eyes. Not while lying to him. "Sorry, I don't think I'll be going today."
Bebe's eyes drooped. "Makoto-dono, I zu know what is going on, but please take care of zour health. It eez all you have in zis life."
"Yeah." The blue-haired boy nodded and both quietly departed.
"Is everything OK?" Fuuka asked as he returned to them.
Makoto shook his head.
"Let's get some grub." Junpei said. "Standing around all miserable and shit ain't gonna make anything better."
Another round of buzzing stirred Kotone awake. She weakly reached over to her phone and flipped it over. Missed calls, numerous texts, most of them from Yukari. In the corner of her screen she saw it was past noon...
She closed her phone and slowly crawled out from under her sheets.
"Yo, Yuki." Shinjiro called out to him as he was about to return to class. "You doing anything today?"
"Well, I was going to go spend five hours trying to get all of the Jack Frost plushes from the mall game machine, but that can wait."
Shinjiro stared at him with a blank expression, uncertain about how serious the younger boy was. "...right...anyways, you mind if we chat in the council room after school?" He pointed behind himself with his thumb. "Mano-a-mano? I'll buy you a drink of you do."
"Sure." Makoto said with a raised eyebrow. "I'll head over right when classes end."
With a Cielo Mist each, they sat down, their backs to the door.
"Bunch of people have been let out of the hospital today." Aragaki said. "Apathy Syndrome. Some of them have been there for months."
"Oh?"
He nodded. "Same thing happened the last two full moons. Killing Shadows usually has a chance of fixing people, but every time we kill one of these big fuckers, a bunch of people wake up." He sipped on his soda. "There's definitely a connection there."
"I can see it." Makoto looked at him. "But I'm guessing that's not the only thing you called me in here for."
The senior student sighed. "Yeah. I've been meaning to talk to you about this for a while. I, I've been there, you know."
"There?" Makoto asked, not quite sure what he meant.
The older student turned to him, gray eyes meeting blue. "I've lost control of my Persona before."
"Ah." Makoto looked away.
Aragaki leaned back, eyes going out of focus. "It was almost two years back. Back when me, Mitsuru, and Aki were the only ones living in the dorm. The three of us were patrolling the streets, hunting some Shadows that escaped from Tartarus. They split up, and so did we. One of them busted into a house and I chased it down."
Makoto maintained a careful eye on his senior, carefully taking in his words, watching every little reaction and tell, from the flicker of his eyes, to the tenseness of his muscles and the way he breathed.
"Shadows, they...they prey on people. If someone has the potential, but hasn't awakened their Persona, they can wander outside of their cocoons. That means they're prime targets for stray shadows. That's how a lot of Shadows get them. But sometimes the Shadows, they figure out how to break the coffin and devour their psyche right then and there. When I wandered into that house, watching it rip that coffin apart, holding her psyche in its grubby little hands and slobbering over it...I froze up."
Slowly the dots connected in Makoto's head. This is probably what senpai was reliving last night.
"The Shadow, when it noticed me, it jumped me. It grabbed me against the wall, I dropped my Evoker, I..." Aragaki crushed the can in his hand, soda sent flying as he began trembling, "I was terrified. All I remember thinking was 'I'm gonna die here'. I summoned Castor by sheer force of will. He...I freaked out. I didn't care what I had to do, I just wanted to live. Castor ended up stabbing through it," he grit his teeth, "and the woman the Shadow had plucked out."
Makoto's eyes went wide.
He pulled out a mechanical pencil. "Pencil lead is half a millimeter." He snapped two pieces and put them side by side. "If Castor was 1 millimeter off to the right, that woman, she'd be dead. That's how close I was to killing her and making her kid an orphan."
He let it the pencil roll out of his hand, onto the table, a look of disgust on his face.
"I couldn't even bring myself to go see the lady in the hospital. Mitsuru had the guts to go there when I didn't." He scoffed. "She relayed a comment she overheard, that she was lucky, and she kept her life. That woman can't walk anymore because of me." He smashed his fist on the table. "Her whole life was made worse because I got scared. How the fuck is that lucky!?"
Makoto felt himself backing away, ever so slightly.
Aragaki scratched his head, looking away. "The point I'm trying to make is...shit happens. Sometimes you lose your cool. Sometimes you get scared and lash out. Sometimes it's something beyond your control. Sometimes it's you. I could barely live with myself knowing I nearly killed two people because of my incompetence."
"But you did." Makoto said, voice much more quiet and strained than he had expected. "You-You did live with it, I mean."
He gave the most lopsided grin Makoto had ever seen. "Back then, the way I snapped outta my funk was that Aki barged into my room and socked me in the face."
"...I'm sorry, what?" Makoto asked, eyes wide.
"I'd been sulking for over a week at that point. Hadn't been going to class. I was even thinking of quitting SEES and just running away. I knew I was being a coward but..." he sighed and shook his head. "Eventually, Aki got tired of my shit and knocked me to the ground, told me to man up or get out."
Aragaki chuckled and scratched his head. He seemed...happy.
"Aki's an idiot, but sometimes...he can get straight to the point. He can say or do stuff that no one else has the balls to" He turned to Makoto. "And he was right, I did need to man up. Learn from my mistakes, never forget them, but stop beating myself over it. And I thought I did. I thought I moved past that." He shook his head. "Turns out I really haven't. None of us have.
He turned to Makoto, eyes burning with a quiet passion.
"I dunno what you four did to break out of Hierophant and Lovers' spell, but you were able to do it where we couldn't." He put his hand on Makoto's shoulder. "And I'm proud of all of you for it."
"You mean you're proud of us four it." Makoto said, trying to lighten the mood.
Aragaki snorted. "Shut up." He said with a grin. "I know it's like a month late, and I should've had this talk way earlier but, well...I've said my piece. I got more stuff to work on than I think. We all do. Just remember that you ain't alone, not in this club." He said in a way that told Makoto his words were as much for himself as for Makoto.
"I understand. Thank you Aragaki-senpai."
"Please, just call me Shinjiro from now on."
"Sure." Makoto grinned. "Just call me Makoto."
"Did you see Kotone?" Yukari asked him.
"Hello to you too." Makoto said as he closed the door to the dorm. "No, I haven't, why?"
Yukari crossed her arms. "I knocked on her door and got no response, so I figured screw it I'm opening it anyways and...she wasn't there."
Without a word, Makoto turned and left.
"Hey!"
The Shiba Inu whined and rubbed his head against Kotone's ankle.
"Thanks puppy." Kotone mumbled. She reached down and pet him on the head. He whined again and licked her hand.
As she half-hardheartedly played with the dog, someone sat next to her. "I heard from the local gossiping biddies his name is Koromaru." Kotone turned to Makoto. "Good name huh?"
"Yeah..." She watched Koromaru bark at them, chase his tail, and then run away. leaving them together under a moonlight sky.
Kotone shifted in her seat.
"I'm not good at asking people stuff like this." Makoto eventually said, as their eyes met. "I don't know how to start it, I never feel comfortable prying. I won't ask you to talk about it if you don't feel comfortable. I just want to let you know that, wherever you were last night, we all were somewhere like that."
She looked down. "I know that, it's just...I'm not...it's..." Kotone looked away. "I can't, I'm sorry. Not today, please."
"I understand." She looked back at him, as he smiled at her, and she smiled back. "I'll be here when you're ready, promise."
"Thank you." She inched closer to him. "D-Do you mind if I...?"
"Not at all."
Slowly she laid her head against his shoulder. "Thanks."
He laid his head against hers. "Anytime."