Original Posted On Oct. 26, 2024
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Review Responses:
MichaelTheFox: I am glad you find the chapter fun, that's what I wanted. I will do what I can to draw Naruto as Akuma and Charlie as Ryu with Walter as a Ref playing Rock Paper Scissors. Well, you better hope hard.
Gamelover41592: Thank you.
Bednarczykmiki: Nice. Hope you enjoy the chapter.
Dragon Blaze X: Thank you.
Jebest4781: Then you'll love this.
MisterWriter1994: Please, PLEASE enjoy this chapter.
Rio Skyron: It's Kaoru Hanayama from Baki. Look him up. He badass.
DaftMerc39: You will love the gag I have Lucifer do in this chapter. I want to draw Chibi-Lucifer getting hit by comically oversized arrows with the words Naruto spoke on the arrows. We shall see the gifts… you'll understand why I don't show them at the end. It's VALENTINE'S DAY IN HELL!
22jward: Enjoy.
NaruLemon Stories: Flashlight? Or Fleshlight?
ShadowBloodedge9396: Kaguya is Thirsty for Walter. Mirko is Thirsty for Naruto. Everyone loves RPS, and its 'go big or go home' in the House of Morningstar. Wait, Mammon owns LooLoo Land? I didn't know that?
MEATBICYCLE: You'll like the Gag I put Lucifer through in this chapter if you thought that was funny, which it is. I actually pulled the results from Rohan Vs RPS Kid. Yeah, Baki is what actually inspired me to have Kaguya own the arena, so basically, Kaguya is old man Tokugawa, LOL!
Ravage88atlas: Mock Test? No, he is treating this like every other fight, Serious. Okay? Yep, Naruto and Charlie are like siblings. Naruto and Mirko, Power couple, turns Hell and it's society upside down. Like Joaquin Pheonix Joker.
HAHAHA: … It seems no matter what, I'll be 'wrong'.
Freedomringer: Thank you for the idea. … no wait, make that Ideas. I actually did that idea (Naruto against the wall, Mirko leg) as an art piece. It isn't complete but the WIP is on my shared Deviantart with my GF.
OKAY, LETS READ THIS SHIT! I DON'T OWN NARUTO OR HAZBIN HOTEL!
"Hey" = Speaking
'Hey' = Thinking
'Hey' = Memory
"Hey" = To be Determined
Chapter 13: A Day at LooLoo Land
Hell, Wrath Ring, Rabbit Foot Combat Arena…
"SOOOO~" Mirko said into her phone as she walked out of the shower, wrapped in a fluffy bathrobe, her hair put up in a towel. "What are we doing tomorrow, Naruto?"
"That's a secret." Naruto replied. "You aren't going to get me to tell you."
"Pretty Pwease?" Mirko asked very adorably and cutely.
If only Naruto could see the cute look on her face when she said it.
"…"
"…"
"… My gift to you is that I am taking you to LooLoo Land."
"LOOLOO LAND!" Mirko yelled with excitement.
"LooLoo Land."
"LOOLOO LA…"
"MIRKO, SHUT UP!" Kaguya shouted from her bedroom.
"Sorry." Mirko replied, smiling nervously as she walked to her bedroom. "But that is going to be fun. You going to buy me everything I want?"
"… No."
"Pwease?"
"…"
"…"
"… okay…" Naruto said in defeat. "Well, I am going to bed, have a good night, Mirko."
"Okay, you also have a good night, Naruto."
Mirko's giddiness increased several hundreds of times over as she dried herself off before she got into her pajamas.
'Wait, if we are going to LooLoo Land…' Mirko jumped into her desk chair, pulling out a notebook and pencil. 'I need to make sure it is perfect! Naruto will be spending a lot, so I must optimize our fun! Anime hasn't let me down before, so don't let me down now.'
Mirko popped open her lap top and googled 'Anime Amusement park tropes', writing them down in the notebook.
Next Morning, Pride Ring, Lucifer's Mansion, Valentine's Day…
Naruto was snuggling into his pillow, saliva bubbling from his lips.
"… Mirk…" He slurred as he puckered his lips.
Dream…
Naruto was holding Mirko around the waist.
Mirko was holding Naruto with her arms around his neck.
They were dancing under the moonlight.
They leaned in close, their lips connecting.
Naruto's heart raced thousands of millions of miles per second as his boner arose.
The two separated, locking eyes.
Suddenly, Mirko's eyes turned sinister.
"You thought it was Mirko you kissed…" Mirko chuckled as magic swelled around her, Naruto releasing her and taking several steps away. "BUT IT WAS I, DIO!"
Dio from Jojo Part 3 cackled as he dropped his disguise.
Dream End…
Naruto shot up, eyes heavy with sleep.
'The fuck… no more Jojo before bed…' Naruto yawned.
Naruto grabbed his phone, looking at the time.
Eight AM, February 14th…
'…'
'…'
'…'
Naruto's eyes snapped open, all the exhaustion he had been feeling vanishing.
'TODAYS THE DAY!' He thought as he jumped into the shower, not caring that it was bone chilling ice cold.
His passion burned so intensely the water began to boil.
Jumping out and drying off, with some brushing assistance from Charlie, Naruto was shiny and clean for his date.
Knowing that he didn't need to pick Mirko up for another two hours, Naruto threw on shorts and a simple t-shirt before going down to breakfast.
"I love you, my Apple."
"I love you too, my Apple Pie."
"Gross." Naruto said as he looked at Lucifer and Lilith be mature lovey-dovey, and not being childish lovey-dovey.
The King and Queen snuggled, held hands, and occasionally kissed each other on the cheeks or lips.
It wasn't over the top, but it still made Naruto feel disgusted.
"Oh, and how is this," Lucifer gestured to himself and his wife. "Any different from you and Mirko?"
Naruto turned red, returning to his breakfast in silence, earning a laugh from Lucifer, Lilith chuckling.
After breakfast, Naruto brushed his teeth, and then made sure he had enough cash to pay the entry fee for two, and PLENTY to spare for any game prizes, rides, or food he and Mirko may want to indulge in.
Naruto felt happy giddiness in his stomach as two hours passed.
He got dressed thirty minutes before getting in the car, Walter driving his personal car.
Naruto wore a black two-piece suit with a spiderweb-like motif running along side it, under which he wore a bright yellow button up shirt with the first four buttons left open, exposing some of his chest. On his hands he wore his wire gloves.
His hair was gelled slightly, as he had it brushed back, a few strands of his bangs hanging down over his forehead.
"Looking sharp." Walter said with an impressed tone as he turned on his car.
Naruto was so excited he didn't hear Walter.
Meanwhile, Wrath Ring…
"Here's your purse." Kaguya said as she handed her daughter said item.
"Thank you." Mirko thanked, slightly nervous and giddy as she put said item around her shoulder.
Mirko wore a purple dress. It had black lace at the end of the sleeves, around her collar, and at the end of the skirt. She had black leggings. Her hair was put up in two rings.
"Don't leave Naruto's side. Don't wander off, and don't accept anything from anyone you don't know…" Kaguya continued.
Kaguya had been informed by Walter that the kids were not going to have a chaperone, kicking the rabbit demon's motherly instincts into Overdrive.
"If anything happens, just run away."
"Mom, stop, it's just a simple day at an amusement park." Mirko replied, her cheeks puffing out due to being annoyed at her mother being overly protective. 'Does she not trust I can handle myself?'
"Okay, okay, I'm just worried something could happen. I'm your mother, it's my job." Kaguya told her child.
Mirko felt a ping in her heart.
She gave Kaguya a hug.
"I know." She said softly, giving her mother a tight squeeze.
The mother and daughter hugged it out before separating as Walter's car pulled up.
"Have fun!" Kaguya called out as Mirko got in the car.
Mirko rolled down the window and waved at her mom as Walter drove back to Pride.
Destination: LooLoo Land.
Meanwhile, Lucifer's Mansion…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH, I FUCKED UP!"
Charlie ran into her dad's office.
"DAD, WHAT'S WRONG!" Charlie asked in a panic.
Lucifer was on the ground, crying his eyes out as he held two things in his hand.
"I FORGOT TO GIVE THESE TO NARUTO!" Lucifer hollered. "I GOT DISTRACTED BY MY SWEET APPLE LOVEY-DOVEY."
Charlie opened her father's hand and deadpanned.
The items in Lucifer's hand… were two LuLu World tickets that allowed Fast Pass on Rides, discount on food, and so on and so forth.
'He is still bothered about Naruto choosing LooLoo Land over LuLu World?' Charlie thought as she helped her father stand. "Come on, dad. Go be with mom, don't you two have a romantic day ahead of you?"
Lucifer snapped out of his funk.
His disheveled appearance magically cleaned up. His face cleaned from the tear stains.
"You're right~" He said suavely.
Charlie chuckled as Lucifer sauntered his way out of his office to find his wife.
However, as Charlie left her father's office, closing the door, Charlie was hit with a sudden feeling of loneliness.
'Naruto has Mirko.' Charlie thought as she walked alone through the hallway. 'Dad has mom… and who do I have?'
Charlie took a deep breath and let out a deep sigh.
It had been a long while since she had spent Valentine's Day alone.
It was… eye opening.
Meanwhile…
"Have fun." Walter said as he closed the door, intending on returning to Kaguya to… wrestle…
Yes… wrestle.
The teens didn't respond as they walked into the park, Naruto paying the admission fee.
"WELCOME TO LOOLOO LAND…" a demon wearing a giant, old-timey looking apple mascot costume. "I'M LOOLOO, HAVE A FUN TIME KIDS!"
Naruto and Mirko waved at the possible pervert in a costume as they entered the theme park.
LooLoo Land… was a disheveled mess of a park.
Where LuLu World was clean, filled with attractions of all kinds. Rides that thrilled and wow'd. People of Sinner to Hellhound classes.
LooLoo Land?
Imps.
Lots and LOTS of Imps.
It only had ONE ride.
A standard loop da loop.
Mostly overpriced games and merchandise stalls.
"Well, where too first?" Naruto asked Mirko.
"Well…" Mirko reached into her purse.
She grabbed her notebook, which had paper tabs for the 'perfect date'.
She pulled it out… accidently making something.
Mirko heard it hit the wooden surface, making her look down.
Her entire body blanched as it stiffened.
On the ground was the same box of condoms Kaguya had given Mirko the night before.
'HOW THE FUCK DID THOSE GET IN MY PURSE!' Mirko thought in a panic, swiping it off the ground and putting it back in her purse, making sure no one saw it.
Flashback…
Night Before…
"The gifts are all packaged for tomorrow." Mirko told her mother, all giddy.
"I know, sweetheart, now you need to go. I'm busy." Kaguya urged. "Oh, wait, take these…"
Mirko opened her hand… and then blushed hard enough to have steam puff out of her ears.
In her hand was a box of condoms.
"MOTHER!"
"What? You're old enough…" Kaguya said with an amused/victorious smirk as her child ran out of her office.
Earlier that Day…
"Here's your purse." Kaguya said as she handed her daughter said item.
Flashback End…
'THAT BITCH!' Mirko thought, enraged at her mother's audacity.
Meanwhile…
Kaguya was watching one of the fights in the arena.
A sudden urge to sneeze hit her.
Her body violently shook… the urge to sneeze hitting strong enough to knock her teeth out.
BUT… it never came.
'Motherfucker… all that build up and NOTHING!' Kaguya thought as the urge to sneeze painfully faded.
LooLoo Land…
"Let's go on the ride first." Mirko said as she read her notebook, not hiding it.
"Okay, let's go." Naruto and Mirko hooked their arms together and ran to the line, ignoring all the demons dressed as… LooLoo the Apple… passing the janky dinosaur animatronic that screamed loudly.
The two got in line, waited semi-patiently, before they finally got on.
"Buckle in." an unenthusiastic employee said as she started the ride.
Naruto and Mirko were barely able to buckle in before the carts took off.
They turned right, left, left up…. DOWN… and then LOOP… Mirko went flying out of the cart.
"MIRKO!" Naruto yelled, thrusting his hand out, the wires extending to catch her.
Mirko was laughing her ass off as Naruto pulled her back into the cart.
"Okay, let's go to the haunted house next." Mirko said as Naruto, who had his hand on his chest from the severe case of adrenaline he had to undergo.
"Su-sure." Naruto gasped as he collected himself. "How about a balloon first?"
Naruto bought a balloon, tying it to Mirko's wrist.
Smiling, she took his hand and led him into the Haunted house.
'Okay, at the first scare,' Mirko thought as she and Naruto entered. 'I'll jump into his arms, and cry out, allowing him to be a badass.'
Mirko had seen this in anime, and wanted this moment.
Naruto was tense, his palms sweaty, his heart beat in his testicles.
He grabbed Mirko's hand, a small sense of calm washing over him as he held her hand.
"Boo…" a standard sheet ghost on a wire spooked.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Naruto jumped into Mirko's arms as Mirko spin-kicked the ghost, destroying it.
Upon snapping out of it, Mirko deadpanned as she carried Naruto out of the haunted house.
'Moment ruined.' She thought as she put her terrified should-be-boyfriend back on his feet. "Why don't we ditch the attractions and play some games, then get some food?"
"Okay…" Naruto whimpered, feeling humiliated in front of Mirko.
He literally showed cowardice in front of his crush.
It was embarrassing.
As the duo walked toward the game stalls, they didn't see several men discretely watching/tailing them.
One put his finger to his ear.
"Okay, Boss." He whispered. "Anytime will be good now."
Meanwhile…
In a car outside the park, their boss nodded.
"Okay…" He said softly, his soft tone not fitting his appearance.
He stepped out of the car, adjusting his tie.
He was tall, dwarfing even the Tallest Hellhound.
He looked like a giant imp, but in reality could be called an Oni.
He had deep red flesh, yellow sclera and red eyes, covered by glasses. He wore a white suit with a blue shirt and purple tie.
His face had distinct scarring, giving his already intimidating figure even more menace.
In his hand was a bottle of Wild Turkey Whiskey.
He entered the park, not paying.
"Hey… I'm Loo…Loo…" the mascot said, losing his joyful tone and demeanor as the demon walked past. "No way… is that…"
Drinking from his bottle of whiskey, the demon took his time, not needing to rush into his business.
As he walked, imps stopped what they were doing just to gaze upon the specimen before them.
He made his way to Naruto and Mirko, dwarfing the teens as they played a game.
"Excuse me…" he said as he put the bottle on the ground.
Naruto and Mirko turned… tilting their heads up to look at the face of the demon who stood twice as tall as them.
"You are… Naruto… right?" He asked.
"Whose asking?"
"Forgive me. I'm Kaoru Hanayama…" the now named Hanayama introduced, the game stall host beginning to panic upon hearing his name. "And I wanna fight you."
Naruto rolled his eyes, returning his attention to the game.
"Not interested." Naruto said calmly.
Hanayama's eyes narrowed.
"So, I guess the fighters at the arena were right, you are just a coward who always hid behind others." Hanayama turned his head to Mirko. "How about you? Wanna fight?"
"Hey…"
Hanayama turned his head… only to have Naruto's fist hit his face, violently jerking it to the left.
Meanwhile, Wrath Ring…
Walter stopped what he was doing, looking in the direction of LooLoo Land.
"What's wrong?" Kaguya asked, looking between her legs, her lower lips yearning for more attention from the vampire.
"Oh, nothing…" Walter said as he returned to giving Kaguya oral sex.
"YES, RIGHT THERE!"
LooLoo Land…
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID!" the stall worker screamed as Naruto landed back on the ground, having needed to jump up to hit Hanayama in the face. "THAT'S HANAYAMA, A KNOWN YAKUZA, HE'S GOING TO KILL YOU!"
Naruto and Mirko ignored this, not caring as Hanayama leaned back.
'A straight forward telegraphed…'
Naruto's thoughts where interrupted when Hanayama threw his punch.
The gigantic fist collided with Naruto's face, the force was powerful enough to send Naruto flying from his position straight into the roller coaster, killing several people that went flying off the destroyed rails.
"NARUTO!" Mirko yelled as she ran to see if he was okay while Hanayama stood up straight.
"Hey…" Hanayama spoke to the stall worker. "You should get as many people out of here."
"Y-Y-Yes!" the worker stuttered before they scrambled to run away.
Hanayama didn't wait and started to walk toward the wrecked coaster.
His men began to walk forward.
"What should we do with the girl?" one asked.
"Keep her restrained." Hanayama ordered. "My goal isn't to test her anyway. Just a rouse."
"Yes, sir."
Hanayama stopped, eyes widening as something ran toward him.
A split second, he saw it.
Naruto was an orange blur, his overcoat torn to shreds, revealing the shirt under it as he held was swinging the Executioner's blade into Hanayama's torso.
Hanayama didn't even attempt to defend himself as he raised his fist.
The blade dug into his torso… and his first connected with Naruto's skull, sending him into the wooden planks that made up the theme parks ground.
A giant crater appeared, splinters of wood and debris as Naruto's sword landed next to him.
"Nice knife." Hanayama said as he glanced at the blade, not minding the fact his suit had been cut into or the fact he was bleeding slightly.
Naruto shakily pushed himself up.
Blood from his head dripped onto the ground.
His head was spinning from the pain.
"Rel… releasing Control…" Naruto gasped. "Art Restriction … System Level 4 to Level 3…"
Hanayama felt Naruto's magic swell.
It was as if the air itself was affected by this as Naruto stood up, his injuries beginning to heal, but the blood remaining as black rings began to appear around Naruto's eyes. His pupils gained a thick horizontal line, making it look like a plus sign as his tail, which swayed calmly, split into three.
"Ability restrictions lifted for limited use…" Naruto continued, releasing the noble's wrist. "Until the enemy is rendered…" His eyes narrowed, grabbing his sword. "Silent."
Meanwhile…
Lucifer and Lilith were having a nice romantic lunch.
They were at a Couple's Circular Table.
Their lunch?
Chicken Parmigiana: A classic Italian comfort food made with crispy breaded cutlets, tomato sauce, and cheese.
They drank a light bodied red Merlot, which paired perfectly with the Chicken Parmigiana, not clashing with the tomato.
Around them were lit candles.
A small music group played soft classical music, setting the mood for the King and Queen of Hell.
Lucifer lifted his fork, which had some of the food on it.
"Here you go, my Dear Apple…" Lucifer said, moving to feed his wife… only to stop.
"Apple Pie?" Lilith asked as she saw Lucifer lower his fork and look out the window.
"Oh… oh no…" Lucifer said as he got out of his chair, his hand running through his hair. "Oh, Lord, what is causing this…"
"What?" Lilith asked in concern.
"Wait… Oh, that should be it." Lucifer mumbled.
"Luci…"
"Sorry, my Dear Apple…" Lucifer hugged his wife. "I was just thrown off. It seems like Naruto is facing off against the person Walter hired. I had accidently forgotten about it, so it threw me off guard."
Lilith put her hand on her chest, sighing in relief.
"Oh, that's good, I thought you were worried about something serious." Lilith sighed.
Lucifer chuckled.
"Now, if only Naruto and that person can destroy LooLoo Land." Lucifer laughed when Lilith swatted him lightly.
A man can dream… dream that his treasured theme park's knock off could be destroyed…
A man can dream.
LooLoo Land…
"Not that impressive up close." Hanayama said as he flexed, his suit shredding itself, revealing his muscular physique as he wore a loincloth underneath.
Scars.
Scars littered his body.
Bullets.
Blades.
And across his back was a Yakuza style tattoo.
It was of an Ogre, similar to Hanayama himself, carrying a large Japanese style bell on his back. The numerous blade wounds received over his many fights makes the tattoo resemble a mismatched puzzle or a broken piece of glass.
Naruto didn't really care as he and Hanayama took stances.
Hanayama took a stance with NO defensive posture.
Naruto stood in a way that would allow him to swing his big sword at full force with little to no resistance from how heavy it was.
As this happened, Mirko watched as Naruto and Hanayama squared off, not noticing that she had been surrounded.
"We humbly request…" the head of this group stated as they all pulled guns out, pointing them at Mirko, who entered a combative stance. "That you don't interfere with the Boss's fight."
"Why should I listen to you?" Mirko asked… before she was jumped from behind, forced to the ground. Hand cuffs were attached to her wrists and legs.
'Good, now, Boss can fight without anyone interfering.' Hanayama's right hand, Kizaki, thought, worry washing away as his boss/best friend was fully prepared to fight. 'And now… this fight can begin in full…'
Chapter 13, DONE!
Naruto's suit is basically Prosciutto from Jojo Part 5 and Mirko's dress is Nico Robin's Thriller Bark dress for those who haven't seen the art piece Boo and I did and posted on Deviantart.
I had a lot of fun, and yes, Naruto and Mirko watch anime, I just never mentioned it until now. I had a lot of fun this chapter, and yes, sadly, the fight will bleed into next chapter.
I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT! I AM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH! NARUTO VS HANAYAMA! AAAAAAAH!
I really LOVE Hanayama, so I want to do him justice, so I won't rush this.
Got some Halloween art on deviantart if you wanna check it out.
If you enjoyed the chapter, leave a review, even if you hated it because it helps me become a better author.