Chapter 8:
The weekend went by without much fanfare. The four of them spent most of the weekend together- doing chores, going to lunch and running errands together. It was as if the three of them had some sort of pact to make sure Angela was never left alone, something that was wearing thin. Finally, Angela had had enough and practically forced them to leave her alone for a few minutes. She convinced the kids to go and spend the late afternoon at the mall, even offering to drop them off. By the time she got back, Tony had made the two of them a romantic dinner.
Monday morning was a flurry of activity in Micelli-Bower household. Tony had an early morning class that he was insistent on cancelling so he could attend the consultation at the fertility clinic. They had argued for a full half an hour before it was time for Angela to leave for the train.
"Listen Tony, this is only the consultation. If I end up going through with this, there will be more appointments for both of us to attend together. You can't miss more classes for something like this, not when I will need you if and when I need surgery and… for whatever comes afterwards. Go to class Tony…" she pleaded as he finally relented.
"Alright Angela but I expect all the details! Get as many pamphlets and handouts as you can carry! Ask any questions you can think of but most importantly, do not leave there unless you ask if this is safe for you. If it's not Angela, we're not doing it. I mean it…" he said.
"Yes Tony I know… okay I need to go to the train and you have to get to class. I will call you when I'm back at the office and fill you in. C'mon let's go…" she said as she grabbed her briefcase and headed out the door, Tony quickly putting away the last of the dirty dishes as he followed her out.
Angela arrived at the clinic fifteen minutes early. She was still a mixture of anger and disappointed at her mother for missing the train. She assumed now that she was just avoiding seeing her altogether now; despite knowing her reasons, it still hurt like hell to be abandoned when she needed her the most.
"Angela Bower… I have a consultation appointment with Dr. Greene" she said to the receptionist.
"Oh yes, Mrs. Bower. Please fill out these forms" said the receptionist as she handed her a clipboard full of paperwork. Angela sat down and spent the next few minutes completing the forms and providing her health insurance information.
'Health Insurance! I need to figure that out too… if something happens to me, I need to make sure Tony and Samantha still have coverage…' she thought to herself as she finished the paperwork. Soon, she was called back into one of the offices. She was able to sit down in one of the chairs across from the doctor, who was flipping through her chart.
"Hello Angela, my name is Dr. Greene. Thank you for coming down to our clinic. I have had a chance to review your chart. I see you are scheduled for a CT scan and MRI. Any additional tests scheduled?" He asked.
"I had my CT scan last week and the MRI is Wednesday. Right now, that's the only tests they have scheduled. Do… do you think there is hope that I can harvest my eggs?" she asked, getting straight to the point. She took a deep breath, expecting to hear the worst case scenario.
"I think we can help. The medications to start maturing your eggs shouldn't have any impact on any medications or treatments. I will consult with your doctor to confirm but I'd like to start you on the medications sooner rather than later so we can harvest your eggs prior to your surgery. If it is cancer, they will almost certainly do a full hysterectomy, followed by treatments. Are you thinking of just freezing your eggs or do you have a partner that would provide the sperm to fertilize the eggs?" asked Dr. Greene.
"I… yes I have a partner who would… contribute. Do you really think this is a possibility?" she managed to say as she was trying to wipe away the tears that were falling. Dr. Greene passed a box of tissues across the table.
"Yes I do think this is a possibility. Retrieving the eggs is a relatively painless procedure that requires monitoring and medication in the weeks leading up to the retrieval. You will be put under anesthesia, while the eggs are removed. Recovery is about half an hour and then you will be able to go home. The procedure occurs in our office, not in a hospital. The issue I foresee is that with the size and placement of the mass, the chances of us being able to successfully implant any embryos with the scar tissue that will be present is slim. This leads us to surrogacy, which is expensive. Would you be financially able to handle the costs?" he asked.
"Depending on what it costs, I believe I can" she said as she thought about different assets she could sell off if necessary.
"Okay good. Let me conference with your doctor by the end of the week. Assuming he is on board, I would like to start the process as soon as possible. I will call you by Friday this week to see how we proceed. I want to give you some information about the different medications and how the procedure will go as well as some other pertinent facts. Once we are given the go ahead, I will have you come back for some initial testing and bloodwork. Any questions right now?" he asked as he closed her file and handed her the stack of paperwork to Angela.
"No, I think I just need sometime to read through all of this and then process it a bit more. Thank you for meeting with me" she said as she shook his hand and headed out of his office.
Angela was able to walk to her office, getting to work just as her team was about to meet with a new client. Mona was able to get everyone into the conference room as Angela set her belongings down in her office and joined her team, right before leaving a message for Tony. Thankfully, Jack was able to lead the meeting, Angela just joining in from time to time. Her mind was a million other places.
By the end of the day, Angela was exhausted. She grabbed her stuff- all the paperwork from today's meeting plus some work she was too distracted to do earlier in the day- and headed out with Mona. They were seated on the train before either of them opened their mouths.
"So, what is Tony making for dinner? I'm hoping it something Asian… I'm sick of Italian food right now! That's all my date wanted for dinner over the weekend!" chuckled Mona.
"The first thing you chose to say to me that's not work related in three days is what's for dinner? Are you kidding me right now? Why should I expect anything different…" said Angela as she turned her body towards the window.
"What's got your panties in a knot? I would have thought you would be in better spirits after your night out on the town with Tony" she said.
"Better spirits? Yes, I suppose I should be in better spirits Mother. I'm finally with the guy I've loved for years now, in a real relationship, not just some fantasy. Oh yes, that's right… would we be in one if it wasn't for this whole 'I could be dying' medical crisis? Hmm? Well I can tell you and the answer is no! So yes Mother, I am enjoying being with Tony, despite the fact it's not going to last" she said, the tears in her eyes no longer being held back.
"You don't really believe that do you? He loves you too Angela and has for probably as long as you have. Maybe you two would have taken some more time to get together if this… this hadn't of happened, but you two were destined to be together" said Mona.
"Yeah destined… destined to break his heart when I… never mind…" she said as she wiped away her tears.
"Angela… you are going to be just fine!" she said as she pretended to catch the eye of a cute businessman in the next seat to get away from the seriousness of the conversation. "I'll be right back Angela… gotta strike while the iron is hot!" she chuckled as she got up and made her way to the front of the train. She sat down next to the man, trying to strike up a conversation that she had no interest in; every few minutes, she glanced back at Angela who had her eyes closed and her head up against the window, tears streaming down her face.
Angela walked through the front door, willing herself to get through the evening without any more tears. She was struggling big time with her mother's lackadaisical attitude. She did what she did best and stuffed her emotions down deep as Tony came in from the kitchen. She knew a hot shower was in her future so she could finally let out the tears.
"Hi sweetheart! How was your day? How was your appointment?" he asked as he took her coat and briefcase.
"The day was… fine. The appointment went well too. I have a bunch of paperwork for us to look at should I… we go through with this" she said as she pulled out the stack of papers.
"Did he think it could work? Ya know… with everything else going on?" he asked as he led her over to the sofa.
"He thought it could work assuming the tests still come out okay. He will speak to my doctor by the end of the week and call me to see if and when we can proceed. I will have the option of just freezing the eggs or having them fertilized first, then frozen. If we choose the fertilization option, you would obviously need to be tested or something first. That is if you still wanted to…" she said, trying to hide the sadness in her voice.
"Eh oh, oh eh! Of course I do! I'm in this all the way! If a baby is in our future, you better believe it is going to be ours! No ifs, ands or buts about it!" he laughed.
"Okay, okay! So the other issue we will run into if this works is implantation of the embryos. He said there is a good chance they may need to do a full hysterectomy on me during the surgery and if they don't, the odds of being able to implant an embryo in a uterus with scar tissue is almost zero. We would need to explore surrogacy, which is quite expensive…" she said.
"Angela… is this really something you want? Because if it is, we will find a way, regardless of the cost or logistics or any other hurdles we face. I will move heaven and earth if it means making your dreams come true" he said, his words causing a floodgate of tears.
"Angela, it's okay! Is something else going on?" he managed to say once her tears slowed.
"Why are you with me Tony? You could have literally anyone else in the world. You're good looking, smart, kind… why me? Why now… the truth" she said as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
"What do you mean why now? I love you Angela! I've loved you for a long time! I've just been afraid to let my true feelings out because I didn't want to lose our friendship" he said as he started to rub her back.
"So what stopped you from being afraid now? I'm assuming at first it was thinking we were having a baby together. And now that there's no baby…" she started as the lump in her throat that had been forming ever since she started the conversation made it impossible to finish her sentence.
"Baby or no baby Angela… my feelings have always been my feelings! I know what your mind is trying to tell you Angela, but it's not true. This is real and isn't just based on your medical stuff. I need you to know that Angela! You've been the only one for me since… since I walked through that front door! I can't imagine my life without out you Angela and I don't ever want to try. Maybe this did get me to see what I really want in life. Maybe it did allow me to take down that final wall around my heart and finally start listening to what it's been telling me for years now" he said as he had to wipe tears from his own eyes.
"I hate this Tony! All of this! This just isn't fair! You and I weren't supposed to start off like this! A relationship isn't supposed to start off with both of us having to go to medical appointments, fertility clinics and testing! It's just not fair! You deserve better!" she shouted as she jumped off the sofa and ran up to her room, leaving Tony sitting there stunned and heartbroken.
The next two days were lukewarm at best around the house. Tony was walking on eggshells around Angela, not sure what to say or do to make things better. Mona was again avoiding the family, grabbing a quick bite to eat before going out on yet another date. Most of the time, Mona was just hiding out in her apartment or at a local bar, avoiding everything from the family to her feelings to just plain old reality. Angela was back to her stoic self, getting back into work and her to-do lists with full force.
"Alright Tony, I will be getting in on the 2:34pm train, which should give us plenty of time to get to the MRI appointment. Is that still okay Tony?" she asked as she sat down at the table to drink her juice and coffee.
"Yes Angela, that will work. I finish my classes right before that" he said rather matter of factly. Both Jonathan and Samantha gave each other worried looks, sensing something had shifted between their parents.
"Alright already! What's going on between you two? You both went from all lovey-dovey to whatever this is! What gives?" asked Samantha as she stared at Angela followed by Tony.
"Nothing's the matter sweetheart…" she said as she sipped her coffee, purposely not making eye contact.
"Yeah Sam, everything is fine" said Tony as he turned his back, giving his attention once again to the dishes in the sink.
"Nice try you two! Mom… did they get back the results yet? Is it bad news? Is that why you two are fighting?" asked Jonathan as tears formed in his eyes. This finally snapped both adults out of their heads as they realized both kids were actually scared.
"Oh sweetheart no! No more test results have come back! I promise you both that once we hear something, we will let you know. We won't keep something like that from you" she said as she pulled Jonathan into a hug.
"So then what gives? Something is wrong…" said Samantha as she wiped the tears from her own eyes.
"Nothing is wrong! This is just a very stressful time. Your Dad and I are okay, right Tony?" she asked, waiting for his response to help calm their fears, all three of them.
"Of course we are fine!" he said as she walked over to her and gave her a quick kiss. "Now, enough of this worrying! You two have to get to school, Angela to the train and me to class! Let's move it everyone!" he said, hoping his answer was enough for all three of them.
Tony was waiting in his jeep by the train station. He had come right from class, opting to wait a few extra minutes instead of going home. He had no idea where he stood with Angela now, after their heated discussion the other night. It pained him to think she thought he was only with her because of the situation. It broke his heart to think that she maybe right. He was lost in his own thoughts when Angela opened up the passenger side door and got in, nearly scaring him to death.
"You okay Tony?" she asked as she sat down, looking over at him. He had jumped so high when she opened the door that she thought he hit his head on the roof of the car.
"Yes I'm fine Angela. You just startled me…" he said as he turned on the ignition and pulled out of the lot. They were almost completely silent when they arrived for her MRI. Tony started to get out of the car but stopped when he saw Angela sitting there frozen in place.
"Angela, are you okay?" he asked as he sat back down and reached out for her hand, his touch bringing her out of her trance-like state.
"Oh yes I am fine. It's… it's just I'm a little claustrophobic…" she said as she held onto his hand tightly.
"Eh oh, oh eh! It's going to be okay! I'm sure they have people with anxiety and fear all the time! Remember, I'm here for you too…" he said as he leaned over to give her a gentle kiss. He was not prepared for her to pull him closer, deepening the kiss. After a few moments, she pulled back, putting one final kiss on his lips.
"What… what was that for?" he asked, not that he was in anyway shape or form complaining.
"I just needed to show you how much I love you Tony. I always have and I always will…" she said as she looked deep into his dark brown eyes. She quickly got out of the car, not giving him a chance to answer.
Once inside, she was able to check in and took a seat next to Tony. After about fifteen minutes, she was called back. She gave Tony all of her jewelry and other belongings as he gave her a quick kiss.
"I'll be right here Angela. You just remember to breathe and it will be over before you know it" he said as she kissed him back and headed off into the room.
"Alright Mrs. Bower. Put on this gown, tie in the back, and come through these doors when you are done. The technician will explain everything to you once you are in the other room" said the nurse. Angela got undressed and put on the gown. She headed into the room; the sights, sounds and smells of the room caused her anxiety to grow. She tried to calm her nerves by taking some deep breaths as Tony had suggested.
"Hi Mrs. Bower. My name is Chris and I am the MRI tech. The test will only take about a half an hour. Have you ever had an MRI before?" he asked as he reviewed her chart.
"No, no I haven't. I'm… I'm actually claustrophobic…" she said as she kept eyeing the long, thin tube-like machine.
"That's alright you will do fine! Most people come in saying the same thing and they do fine! You will lie down on the bed here and it will glide you through the machine. Your feet will be out at all times. The machine is quite loud at times but you will get used to it. You need to stay as still as possible otherwise we will not get good images. Any questions?" he asked.
Angela was too nervous to answer with words, so she just simply nodded her head. He helped her up onto the bed, securing her to the machine before leaving the room. Soon, the machine started up and she was heading into the tube. There was barely a foot of space around her body and the machine when it finally stopped. She felt her heart start to race and her breath quickening.
"Alright Mrs. Bower, the imaging is going to begin now. Just stay still" he said as the machine started making loud thumping noises. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to think of anything other than being in that machine. No matter what visualization techniques she tried, the panic began to take hold. Soon, she was in a full blown panic attack.
"Please stop it now! I need to get out now!" she screamed as she began to try and slide out. She couldn't move due to the machine's confined space and the straps confining her legs.
"It's okay! Just take a few deep breaths!" said the technician. Angela could barely breathe at all, let alone take deep breaths.
"Get me out of here now!" she screamed again. Finally, she felt the bed start moving. Once she was mostly out of the machine, she leaned over and removed the straps, jumping down off the machine. She slid to the floor, grabbing a hold of her legs as she tried to get a hold of herself. After about a minute, the door opened and Tony came running in, wrapping his arms around her as she continued to shake uncontrollably.
"Angela, it's okay, it's okay! I'm here now! Just listen to my voice and breathe!" he said as she grabbed a hold of him tighter than she ever had before. After about five minutes, she was able to sit back up and breathe normally again.
"Oh Tony… that was horrible! I… I can't go back in there again!" she cried.
"I know sweetheart. I remember my MRI from when I tore up my shoulder. I think that was worse than the pain!" he chuckled, trying to get her to smile.
"How… how did you get through it?" she asked as she looked up at him.
"I went through about two or three records of Frank Sinatra's music in my head. Sang them from beginning to end until it was over" he said.
"Now why didn't I think of that…" she said with a smile.
"I've got an idea. If the tech guy over there allows it, how about I talk to you while it's going on? You can hear my voice" he said.
"I'd like that very much Tony" she said. They confirmed with the technician that it was okay for Tony to talk to her during the imaging. He helped her to her feet and back onto the bed as the technician came in. He held her hand and gave her a quick kiss as the machine brought her back inside the tube. Tony headed back where the technician was sitting.
"Okay Mrs. Bower. Your husband is here with me. He's going to start talking while I start up the machine" he said as he started it up.
"Alright wifey… what should we talk about? How about our wedding or better yet, the wedding night!" chuckled Tony as Angela tried not to laugh. The technician just gave Tony a confused look.
"I've got a better idea Angela…" he said as he started to sing 'It Had to Be You'. Angela felt instant relief and a calming feeling come over her as she listened to Tony's voice. He spent the next thirty minutes serenading her with Sinatra, The Beatles and other oldies songs until the test was over. She couldn't help but think Tony missed his calling as a song and dance man.
Once she was out of the machine, she hopped off of the bed and went into the other room to change. She grabbed her stuff and met Tony in the waiting room. He was sipping a glass of water, no doubt parched from his mini-concert performance. She just stood there watching him for a few moments, the smile growing on her face.
"You okay Angela?" he asked when he finally looked up and saw her standing there watching him.
"Yes Tony I am…" she said as she signed out with the front desk. They walked out arm in arm, the fresh air rejuvenating them as they walked to the car. Angela tried to get into the passenger's side door but Tony blocked her. He leaned up against the car and pulled her flush up against his body. His hands were moving all up and down her body, finally settling on her lower back.
"You up for a little drive Angela?" he asked as he pulled her even closer to him.
"As long as it doesn't involve a small, confined space, I'm game. Where are we going?" she asked as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her fingers caressing the muscles of his neck.
"That's for me to know and you to find out Angela…" he said as he leaned in for a kiss.