A/N: This chapter is almost entirely me thinking aloud. Writing is a great thinking technique. Seriously. More in the end notes.

The songs referenced here are, in order: "Disturbia," by Rhianna, and "Hold On Forever," by Rob Thomas. Dear gods I love them. In my opinion, "Hold On Forever" is the most romantic (Edit: Actually, I meant loving, not romantic. Curse amatonormativity!) song I've ever heard, just for the one line in the chorus where it says "I'm here and I won't leave you." *swoon*

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Konan

"Whether or not they change, I think we can conclude that you have problems with depression," Hidan concluded. "Which makes this book still helpful."

Konan conceded the point with a nod of her head. "Yes, that much is true."

They sat across from each other at one of the tables in the entrance area to the park. Hidan had the book open in front of him. He and Konan had just finished arguing over whether the book was any good. They resumed discussing her thoughts.

"Do you remember when you first started thinking you were evil?"

"As a young girl," Konan said. "I was aware of what young girls typically did. Borrowing knives in order to hunt small creatures was not one of those things. I felt like a beast, something dangerous and unstable. My parents made it clear they did not approve."

"So the definition of evil you're using is 'not normal.'" Hidan wrote that down. "Not normal for a civilian girl, anyway. For a grown ninja…"

"Yes, Jiraiya sensei's teachings were a relief. I thought I had found somewhere I belonged. I thought I had found what I was." Konan shook her head. "But I soon saw cracks in that idea. My actual mastery of ninjutsu was no better than anyone else's. My ability to use it in battle was, if anything, worse. Yahiko and Nagato protected me often. And I saw in the way they used it an extension of themselves. Their fully human, peaceable selves. Being a ninja did not explain my liking for hurting small creatures, and such a liking did not make me any better as a shinobi."

Hidan tilted his head. "Other Me…"

"Yes." Konan saw what he was getting at. He was living proof that I was not alone, that there were beings like me. Living proof that perhaps there was a definition of normal that included me. Proof that I might not be evil. "But he was not treated any differently. Other people liked him far worse than they liked me. He did not belong anywhere. He barely belonged in the Akatsuki. What proof is that?"

"So your definition of evil is, at least in part, not belonging anywhere?"

"Not belonging with humans."

"So your definition of evil is 'not human'?"

Konan stopped and blinked. "Well…not truly human humans."

"You didn't feel like you belonged with most other humans, and you felt like you were a beast. Those two things make you some kind of evil."

"Not a kindly sort of beast," she muttered.

"Since when are bears evil? Or tigers? Or wolves?" Hidan shook his head. "You've got speciesist ideas embedded in you. They're not right."

"No, I did not think of myself as resembling any of those. Rather as…some other kind of beast. It's difficult to describe."

Hidan pulled out his phone. "I don't have headphones, so hold it close to listen. Does this ring a bell?"

Konan listened. 'Better think twice than try to follow the altered…' "It's perfect," she said before the song was even over. She listened to the rest of it and couldn't help but nod her head, many times, at several parts. The part where the singer pleaded to be released from her curse threatened to bring tears to her eyes. "Yes."

"What is it with mental illness making people think they're not human anymore?" Hidan asked as he took his phone back. "Seriously. Does the definition of human include being mentally stable? I don't see that in the dictionary."

"Humans are reasonable, rational, thinking," Konan explained. "We are not ruled by our circumstances. Being ruled over, emotional, irrational is the domain of animals."

"I think your definition of human got mixed up with your definition of angel," Hidan said. "Seriously, what the fuck?"

"I am also said to be, expected to be, an angel," Konan said.

"Who said you had to be that all the time?" Hidan retorted. "I'd love to be a demon sometimes. That's what it's for. For the sometimes. Here." He gave her his phone again.

This song really did make Konan's eyes tear up. She had to close them. 'You don't know where you've been, but you still know who you are.' Do I? A certain line in the chorus made her involuntarily sob. Hidan came and held her at that point.

"Thank you," she said when the song was over. "But not in public. I cannot."

"It's still true any other time," he promised. She had to stifle another sob.

His embrace reminded her of something else. She sat up and recomposed herself. "Do you remember how we spoke of the state of the world on our date?"

"Yeah. You were worried about some guy in your world trying to do bad shit," Hidan recalled. "You don't need to worry about that. You can't. Who worries about shit they can't change?"

"I am no longer concerned about him," Konan reassured. "I brought this up for a different reason. You said there was anger because those people who still experience real loss detest those who do not. What would happen if there was nobody that experienced real loss?"

Hidan thought about it for a while. "I think the definition of 'real' would change," he eventually said. "Not being able to have breakfast and being tired and hungry all morning would become just as real as being knocked-on-your-ass sick for a week is now."

"So there will always be anger between those less privileged and those more so, regardless of how absolutely privileged each side actually is?"

"Shit, yeah. Billionaires fight each other all the time."

So then, even if Madara succeeds, the world will not end. Because in that fantasy world he creates, people will continue to fight and detest each other, making it plain that his plan is a failure. He would be forced to undo it. Or would he? He might still be delusional enough to believe such a state is better than reality…

"Can I ask about this guy?" Hidan asked. "What did he actually want to do?"

"He wished to use the moon to cast a genjutsu over the whole world, creating a false world in which everyone who had died would be brought back to life and nobody would die in the future. There would be no wars. No pain. No loss."

"That's the guy you were talking about with the moon? Shit." Hidan sighed. "Note to self: never combine grief and absolute power."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It sounds a lot like this guy lost some people," Hidan explained. "And instead of dealing with it like a normal person, he's using godlike abilities to try and undo it somehow. I knew there had to be a downside to all these cool powers."

Konan stared at him blankly. …Really? Could Madara have been motivated by personal loss? Madara was imposing, and his words were near-hypnotic. When he spoke, he seemed to weave a whole vision of reality and place it before your eyes, preventing you from using your own vision. She had always thought that this ability was genuine. He wasn't a hypocrite, making others believe things he did not; he must genuinely believe the things he said. How else could it be possible to be so persuasive? I thought this plan was his dream for the world, his way of fixing the flaws he saw in reality. That was what he said it was. But could it really have been much smaller than that? Just a grieving man trying to bring his loved ones back? It would be so pathetic if that was true. The near-hypnotic vision of reality would be reduced to nothing more than a sad story. If Hidan was right, Konan understood why Madara would not have let her know about his true reasons. They weren't persuasive at all.

'I mean, cool powers help you do a lot of things," Hidan went on. "But you have to stop and deal with your problems the hard way too, ya know?"

"Do you believe everyone should be forced to stop and deal with their problems?"

"No, not forced," Hidan said reflexively. "Only if they… Wait, what am I saying? Of course people have to be forced. But… No, I mean, they should be able to choose when and how and shit. Free will and all that. Though yeah, some things do kinda force ya to…"

"So you do believe this."

Hidan scratched his head. "Yeah, but don't say it like that. I'm not gonna demand someone sit down and think about all their life choices right here right now. That's cruel."

"And losing a loved one and being forced in light of their death to reconsider your life choices is not cruel?"

"No. Because no one chose for that to happen."

"So brute force is only permissible if the forces of the universe wield it. No person is willing to shoulder that responsibility themselves."

Hidan narrowed his eyes at her. "If you could force someone into enlightenment, would you?"

"No," Konan replied. "Because I do not have the power to do that. I can only apply force in one direction. Enlightenment is something subtle and all-surrounding. It would require a delicate balance of forces applied in all directions to make someone achieve enlightenment. I am not a god, so I cannot do it."

"You see?" He nodded decisively. "It's not cowardice. It's acknowledgment that we don't fucking know what we're doing, and if you don't know what you're doing you shouldn't be trying to impose it on other people. Fucking up other people is cruel."

"But if reality does it, the odds are much better that they will not be fucked up?"

"Yep."

Konan tilted her head. "What if you could…not cause it yourself, of course, but readjust reality so that reality was once again the cause of loss? Bring back the animals and thieves, let's say? Would you do that? Or would that still be too much responsibility to bear?"

Hidan thought about it. The more he thought the more he shrank in on himself, until Konan could see him as fully human. "Well… It is a bit much. I mean yeah, good idea to bring the animals back, but going that far…" He closed his eyes. "It's good to let nobody fall behind. It's bad to sacrifice anything or anybody. Even thinking of it is morally bad. That's…that's how morality is around here. You're basically saying the people who would get destroyed by loss should be sacrificed for the good of the people who would get stronger from it. I can't… I can't think of that shit. Everything I've ever heard my whole life says that's wrong."

"You brought this up in the first place," Konan reminded him. "Back then, you said a world where nobody had to give up anything was strange and not desirable."

"But everything everywhere says that's the height of morality, that leaving nobody behind is the best thing," Hidan said. His voice was slow and tortured. "What the fuck am I proposing? Sacrificing people? Who the fuck would seriously say we should go back to the times where half your kids didn't reach adulthood? That's crazy. It doesn't make any sense." He shook his head. "But…ah, crap. My head feels broken."

He has been taken in by it too. "You want to split the costs from the gains," Konan realized. "You don't want to lose anyone." He's never heard Madara speak, yet he believes in Madara's idea just as strongly as I once did. How is that possible? Shivers ran down her spine. How could Hidan, of all people, fall prey to a false view of reality? If he could, truly anyone could.

"Yeah," Hidan admitted. "That's how morality is around here. Deciding to hurt or kill someone is bad. It's bad and wrong. It just is. What the fuck kind of crazy person would seriously say that people should drop dead from disease, be disabled for life, people who were already disabled should die, and people who did nothing wrong should suffer? That's fucking insane. It doesn't make any sense. You can't say things like that. It's…not…mind-possible." He gripped his head in both hands like he was trying to hold it together. "Ow."

"If a world could be made in which nobody ever died, no one ever suffered, and nothing was lost…would you make it happen?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because…because I know that's crazy too. People can't be happy forever. That's not how anything works."

"But you believe it is morally good that nobody should have to suffer unjustly for things that are not their fault."

Hidan opened his eyes. "I can't even think about making people suffer more than they already do. But the mind trick that makes that happen doesn't force me to jump at every stupid chance to make them suffer less."

"In reality, no matter what you say, you will do absolutely nothing."

Hidan blinked away tears. "Yeah. Nothing. I know something's wrong with life in general. It doesn't feel right. But I can't think of anything to do."

Konan was reminded of people she had seen in her former life. So many people Yahiko approached would join the Akatsuki and become fervent supporters, truly dedicated people who would do anything in support of his dream. But before then they had made no attempts of their own to nurture peace. They were clearly good people, so why did Yahiko find them doing nothing? He can't think of anything, and is unwilling to do anything that could turn out to be mistaken. A potent trap.

But isn't it right to proceed cautiously? Only a fool rushes forward into unknown terrain. Are only fools, then, capable of advancing society? Jiraiya sensei had always called her sensible and observed that she was the most levelheaded member of their trio. She was also the one least capable of doing anything different. Only Nagato and Yahiko had the ability to make sweeping changes in their lives. Konan could semi-successfully hang on for the ride.

"You are not a fool," Konan whispered. "And because of that, you will do nothing."

Hidan pulled his knees up and hugged them. "I feel like a coward and a hypocrite. Saying all this shit about how bad society is, how it should change, and I know I won't fucking do anything."

Konan closed her eyes. That is the curse of humanity. To want to act, but be unable to. It seems that everyone is prone to such a trap, somewhere in their lives. But wait. That's right; Hidan did not have to be subject to such a curse. He did not have to be fully human. Konan opened her eyes. "Hidan?"

"Mm?"

"Close your eyes and…let yourself drift. Into a state where you could do anything you wanted. Be sensible and take action at the same time. Do the impossible."

Hidan closed his eyes. "Be sensible and take action at the same time…" He let go of his knees and sat normally. His shoulders relaxed. Konan felt his aura change. She could no longer see him as fully human. Isn't this how he normally feels? Doesn't he normally take unknown actions without losing his senses? Doesn't he normally suggest with every movement and every glance that everything that seems so relevant now could be as nothing? A weight lifted off of Konan's shoulders just from being near him. When he opened his eyes she was not surprised to see that they were still pink, after all. Hope surged through her. If it took so little divine connection to overthrow those shackles, then maybe she could do it, too.

He blinked. Scratched his head. Looked around, as if he didn't know where he was and needed to get his bearings. "I don't feel any different."

"Yes you do." Konan nudged him. "Come on, tell me. What can you do now?"

He took a few moments to remember what she was even talking about. "I can… Visit people who are grieving, and let them know it'll be okay. Let everybody know that they don't have to be afraid. People want to do dangerous and risky things, ya know. They just don't because they're afraid. It wouldn't take much to change the habits of a whole society. All it takes is helping people be less afraid." He blinked. "How the fuck did I not think of that before?"

"Because you were afraid."

Hidan snarled. "I hate fear. Yeah, it's good for keeping you away from physical dangers, but when fear starts applying to nonphysical and abstract shit it becomes the fucking worst."

Konan's eyes glowed. "Fear of that nature is the exact opposite of you. That's why this region is a place where fear has less power."

Hidan stared blankly back at her. Right. Fear is Jashin sama's opposite, not Hidan's. He has no idea what I just said. "You think so?" he asked. "That this place is different?"

"Yes. You are the only one who cannot feel it."

"Does that mean this place is a place where people lose things?"

Konan tilted her head. It is theoretically possible that one of us could die. It is likely that we will eventually separate. Loss of friends, loss of trust, loss of life. It happens, even if we somehow always seem to recover from it just fine. "Yes."

Hidan slumped in his seat. "Nobody can take responsibility for sacrificing anyone," he said, "because then you can't fix it. If people have anyone to blame, they'll cover over fear with anger, and then you can't do anything to change the fear. There has to be nobody to blame, so that they'll be openly afraid, so that you can fix it."

"There is a problem with this plan," Konan said. "I can't help but think that mass media is useless at soothing fears. News can exert only a mild touch on people, and soothing fear requires something much more intense."

"True. You'd have to start an organization of people who are trained at this shit who can up close and personal help other people," Hidan said. "That's the only way. Up close and personal."

"Ah, but then you give them someone to blame. If a person attempts to get you to feel openly afraid, it's all too easy to blame them for your fear and close up."

"That's why up close and personal is the only way. You have to be able to wrestle with the anger, really put your hands on it and do something to get it out of the way," Hidan said. "It's way too easy to be angry at people you don't really know."

Konan paused. "Hmm."

"What ya thinkin'?"

"This discussion is reassuring," Konan said. "Because it implies that all the causes of loss, which are also the causes of growth, are still nearby and ready to resume their proper place in society. You suggest that if human beings became less afraid and ceased to block out these things, that would be enough to restore their presence. No encouragement or reseeding is needed."

"Have you seen the news?" Hidan asked. "Antibiotic resistant bacteria. Coyotes in cities. Super smart fucking birds that nobody can get rid of. It's all coming back on its own. Trying to make people strong enough inside that they don't have to feel afraid is really just preparing for the inevitable."

Konan looked at him sideways. "You are saying that to reassure yourself."

"I am?"

"Yes, because you are incapable of even considering the idea of sacrificing people. The only way you can consider it is if that sacrifice should be caused by something outside your control."

Hidan clapped his hands. "I've always wondered why smart birds and coy-wolves and MRSA felt kinda reassuring! Yeah they're bad things, especially that last one, but the idea that they could exist, that animals and such are adaptable enough to hold on, always reassured me and I had no idea why."

"Now you know. It's because you have no control."

"That's real nice to hear." Hidan sighed luxuriously. "Probably why people say ignorance is bliss. It's so much nicer to not have to be responsible for every fucking thing."

Konan smiled and leaned into his shoulder. He put his arm around her. They sat like that for a time.

"Do you feel better yet?" Hidan asked.

"Hm?"

"Do you?"

Konan blinked. What does this discussion have to do with my mental proble… Oh. I need not be afraid. There is a place in the world for those things that cause hurt and disorder. Lacking control is not bad. All of these ideas are new to me. She turned them over, examining their worth. Each idea had been demonstrated already in the preceding discussion, so she found each to be solid and usable. Could I regard this instability in me as a resource? The originator of valuable things? An ally that injects valuable disorder into our lives periodically for us to deal with and become stronger? This idea had not demonstrated its worth yet. However, every perspective that Konan had tried to see herself through prior had demonstrated their absolute lack of worth. She was willing to give it a shot.

"Yes."

"All fuckin' right." Hidan squeezed her briefly before letting go. "Excuse me. I think this deserves sharing in the group chat."

Konan watched over his shoulder as he opened his phone and sent a message to the group chat. I just had an idea, he wrote. The way to solve problems in society and the world is to make people stronger. When people are stronger, they are less afraid, and less angry, and more willing to accept bad things and grow from those bad things. Society is imbalanced and weird because people try to block bad things out. Helping people be and feel stronger will fix that.

They waited, in case anybody had an immediate response. Konan snorted when Itachi replied. Of course Itachi would have already thought about this enough to have a response. Itachi's reply was, How can people be made stronger?

That was a good question. It was so good that they left it unanswered, giving it just as much opportunity to be considered as their idea. Hidan turned his phone off and put it away. "Y'know, I'm ready to try something different. Howsabout we take a look at what kind of thoughts and behaviors you have when you're nuts? We have to know what we have to work with."

"That's just what I was thinking."

Yahiko

Yahiko saw the messages when he checked his phone during his break. Hidan's idea made him stop with a sandwich halfway to his mouth. Itachi's question made him put the sandwich back in its box and close the box. He felt rung like a bell. Making people stronger. Oh my god! That sounds so right. If I could be stronger, I could be honest, and telling the truth makes everything better. I wasn't wrong about that! Several of his preexisting beliefs found order and structure where previously they had been formless and vague. His confidence increased. He felt warm all over.

I just need to become stronger, and then all these problems I have would go away. It sounds so simple. But how do I become stronger? He eagerly chewed through his sandwich while he thought. This idea made a lot more sense to him than trying to outwit his problems. All the strategies in the world wouldn't get past the simple fact that when he tried to imagine showing his female form to anyone who didn't already know about it, his mind could not show him what would happen next. The fact that he was weak and afraid was so brutally simple, so completely straightforward, that there could be no way around it. The solution was something as straightforward and simple as the problem. Become stronger. But how?

When Yahiko finished his sandwich and closed the empty box, he frowned. He hadn't thought of anything, as far as he could tell. But he suddenly had an intense desire for physical training. He picked up his phone to message Konan, then decided otherwise. No, this might qualify as an answer for Itachi. I should put it in the group chat. He sent, This idea makes me want to do physical training, to the group chat. Konan wasn't the best person to ask, either. She was already busy. Itachi had those crazy Sharingan reflexes, and Kakuzu was very strong. Anyone would be good to train with.

Was exercise a way to make people stronger?

Yahiko knew there were people who were interested in exactly what Hidan had suggested. There was research being done on what made people happy, what helped people deal with problems, and so on. He could have googled it. But sadly, his break was over.

.

A/N: This last bit with Yahiko was written just now, after I wrote the opening notes. I gave in to temptation. Couldn't help it.

Anyways, Yahiko's correct. There is research being done on how to increase strength and happiness in human beings. That's what Positive Psychology is about. Positive Psychology has a bad reputation as saying that you should be happy all the time. But really, as far as I can tell from the course I took on it, what it actually tries to say is that you should be able to be happy at any time. Nobody can keep themselves from ever being sad or scared or whatever, and nobody should even try. It's unhealthy. But at any given moment, you should be able to recognize whatever blessings exist and feel strong and capable enough to deal with whatever challenges exist. Life should be more than just being okay. It should be good. That's what that class on Positive Psychology taught me.

Do I believe that the problems of the world would be much more solvable if people in general were able to stop trying to get back up to zero and start trying to make their lives good? Yes. I heard about an experiment where people in a small community were experimentally provided with enough money to live on, free of charge and qualifications, no questions asked. They got enough money to live on, and then they were free to work (or not) and do whatever they wanted on top of that, without compulsion. It's a common idea that if this was actually done, if nobody had to work, then nobody would. They'd just sit around all day binge-watching TV until the economy crashed. But that didn't happen. In this community, people continued to work. They worked at the places they really wanted to work at, regardless of what it paid, and they got paid more on average because businesses couldn't rely on them being desperate enough to accept a barely-legal wage. If all your needs were provided for, what would you do with your life? I'll bet that everyone who this question is asked of has some higher dream or goal that they'd like to work toward. If your needs were provided for, you would pursue this dream that formerly was blocked to you. Do you really think other people don't have the same hidden ambitions, that they wouldn't do the same? Really try to put yourself in the shoes of someone who, if they didn't have to work, would sit around watching TV all day. Imagine living like that. If it seems like it would be nearly impossible to live that way even if you tried, yes! Most of the population is not like that! People tend to have dreams!

Real tragedy isn't people who lose their lives. It's masses of people who never get to do as much with their lives as they would have otherwise. The reason why war is bad is that it creates fear and resource scarcity, which create this outcome for many thousands or millions of people.

Those societies that don't have to deal with resource scarcity have an obligation to deal with fear. Abstract, nonphysical fears that serve only to increase the inability to even try to deal with problems openly don't have a place in the kind of world that most people want. That's what I believe.