Chapter 11: Camping with the Louds (and Clyde)

I'm back with the next chapter! It looks like The Camping Episode got more votes, so this chapter is a parody of that episode. The next chapter will be Wet Painters. So I hope you enjoy this chapter.

It was the weekend and Lincoln and Clyde were preparing for their camp out.

"Sleeping bags?" Lincoln asked.

"Check." Clyde said, folding the sleeping bags.

"Marshmallows."

"Check."

Lincoln looked at his list. "What about the tent?"

"It's outside." Clyde replied.

"Good." Lincoln looked at the viewers. "Me and Clyde are going camping. We wanted to spend some quality bro time. Maybe this will be a better campout than the one we had with Clyde's dads." (Roughing It)

"Ok Clyde, let's go camping."

Lori and Leni were in their room relaxing.

"Ah, the weekend is here." Lori said happily. "And this isn't just any weekend. Lincoln and Clyde are going camping today."

"But what if they got lost in the woods and never came back?" Leni said worriedly. Leni imagines Lincoln and Clyde lost in the woods.

"Clyde, I'm scared." Lincoln whined.

Leni comes back to reality. "That would be horrible!"

"Relax Leni, I'm sure they'll be fine." Lori assured her. "Besides, we girls got the whole house to ourselves since Dad and Mom are working all weekend. And we won't have to see Lincoln reading comics in his undies for two whole days."

Leni thought for a moment. "Hey, it's been a while since we've been camping. Maybe we should join them."

"No thanks." Lori said. "I'm more comfortable inside."

"Ok, suit yourself. I'll join them."

Leni got her camping hat and went downstairs to join the two boys. The twins saw this.

"Hey big sis." Lana greeted. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going camping with Lincoln and Clyde." Leni replied.

"Cool. Can we join?" Lana asked.

"Yeah, we've got nothing to do right now." Lola added.

"Sure." Leni replied. Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lily, and Lisa showed up.

"We wanna join too." Lynn said.

"Yeah!" The other siblings said.

Outside, the siblings told the boys they wanted to join them in the campout too.

"Well, this was going to be a boys only campout." Lincoln said. "But what the heck. Let's make it a sibling campout!"

"Sibling/friend campout." Clyde corrected. "And we're gonna need a bigger tent."

"We can use that inflatable tent we just bought recently." Lynn suggested.

"Great." Lincoln said. "Also, we have some important stuff to discuss before we start camping."

Lori was now in the living room watching tv. "Well, looks like I have the whole house to myself." Just then, Lori heard guitar playing coming from outside. "Huh?"

Luna was performing some Mic Swagger song on her guitar. Lori poked her head into the tent.

"Hey, I thought you guys were supposed to go camping." Lori reminded.

"We are camping." Lincoln replied.

"Lincoln, it's not camping if you're ten feet away from our house." Lori stated.

"It doesn't matter where you camp as long as you're outdoors." Lincoln said.

"Yeah." Lynn agreed. "While all those soft city folks are inside watching tv, we're out here pitting ourselves against the formidable forces of nature."

"Wanna join us?" Clyde asked.

"No." Lori replied.

"Ok. Have fun inside." Lincoln said.

Lori leaves. Luna prepares to perform again but Lori quickly comes back. "What do ya mean "have fun inside?"

"Just have fun inside. See you tomorrow." Lincoln said.

"Oh. Bye."

Luna is about to perform again but Lori comes back again.

"You little sneak. I see what you're doing." Lori said.

"What?" Lincoln asked.

"Don't think I can't see what you're doing."

"What?"

"You're saying I can't take it." Lori said.

"But all I said was-"

Lori interrupted. "Ah, you're saying I'm soft. You think your little have fun inside challenge is gonna make me come camping with you. But that is never gonna happen. There's no way I'm gonna stay here all night with you twerps. So get used to it." Lori leaves.

"Ok? Have fun inside." Lincoln said.

Lori came back. "THAT'S IT! I'M IN!" Lori ran back inside the house to get her camping equipment. "I'll show you camping."

"Lori's gonna come camping with us!" Clyde said happily. Lori came back with her camping gear on her back. Her siblings and Clyde came out of their tent.

"Now I'll show you how a real camper does it." Lori said. She fell over since her camping gear was heavy. She got back up and pulled out something. "Here we go. My remote controlled self assembling tent. Watch and learn."

Lincoln got out binoculars and Clyde got out a notepad and pencil. Lori threw the tent in the air and pulled out a remote. She pressed a button but the power fizzled and the tent fell in a pile on the ground, unassembled.

"That was great Lori, but how do you get inside?" Leni asked. "It's all crushy looking."

"It isn't put up yet, idiot." Lori informed.

Lori grabbed the tent and tried to set it up. She accidentally ripped it.

"Customization!" Lincoln said.

"Genius!" Clyde added.

Lori was now hitting the tent with a stick.

"She's tenderizing the ground!" Lincoln stated.

"Of course." Clyde said.

Lori was getting tangled up in her tent.

"Right that down! Right that down!" Lincoln ordered.

It was revealed that Clyde was just drawing Lori on his notepad.

Lori finally put up the tent by kicking it. "Yes!" She cheered. But her tent fell apart. She rolled it away sheepishly.

"Lori, you can chill in our tent." Luna offered. "There's more room in there."

"Yeah, sure." Lori agreed. "Well, I worked up an appetite as big as all outdoors. Time for a little grub. I suppose Lana is gonna stew up some twigs and rocks."

"Ew, no!" Lana said. "Even I wouldn't eat those. We've got something better." She pulls out the bag of marshmallows. "Marshmallows." She ate one.

"Oh boy." Lisa said. "Just like the astronauts eat."

Suddenly, Lincoln was wearing a fake astronaut helmet. He makes a static sound. "Lincoln to Lisa. Lincoln to Lisa. Do you read me? Over."

Lisa also has on a fake astronaut helmet. She makes a static sound. "Lisa to Lincoln. I read you. Over."

"(Static) Lincoln to Lisa. I like going (static) Over."

"(Static) Lisa to Lincoln. (Static) Me too."

Lincoln and Lisa repeatedly make static noises, annoying Lori. Lana joins in

.

"(Static) Lana to Lincoln. Help yourself. Over." Lana handed Lincoln the bag of marshmallows.

"Yummy!" Lincoln took off his helmet and ate a marshmallow. "The deliciousness has landed!"

"Well, you astronauts can eat marshmallows all you want." Lori said and took out a can. "I'm gonna have a can of Swedish meatballs. Just as soon as I get a can opener." Lori was about to head inside the house but Clyde stopped her.

"But Lori, didn't you take the can opener when you hiked out here?" He asked.

"Why bother? We're ten feet from the house." Lori reminded him.

"But this is the wilderness." Clyde said. "It just doesn't fit the camping spirit."

"Pretty weeny." Lynn said.

"Alright, gimme a marshmallow." Lori said.

The siblings sat down around a campfire, heating their marshmallows. Leni heated her marshmallow too close to the fire and it burned. She blew it too hard and the gooey treat splattered onto Lori's face. Lori whipped it off. Leni heated up another marshmallow too close to the fire. She blew on it again and it splattered onto Lori's face again. The annoyed blonde whipped it off. Leni did the same thing with another marshmallow but this time Lori ducked when Leni blew it in her direction. Lori smiled smugly until the marshmallow came back and splattered on the back of her head.

"Ok, besides blowing molten food at me, what else do you guys do for fun?" Lori asked.

"Well, after a long day of camping, it's great to unwind to a nice relaxing campfire song." Luna said, taking out her guitar. "I call this one "The campfire song song."

Luna began to play her guitar and sing. "Let's gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song. Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song. And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along!"

Leni sang along. "Bum bum bum!"

Luna sang faster. Her siblings and Clyde sang along too but Leni couldn't quite sing it right. "C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song! And if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song! Everybody sing!"

The siblings sang except Lori.

"Lori." Luna pointed at her, but Lori still remained silent. "Good."

"It'll help!" Luna sang. "It'll heeeeeelp if you just sing along!"

Luan assisted Luna with her song by playing the drums. Luna leaped and played a guitar riff. Luan ran up to her and smashed the drums on Luna. Luna popped through the drums. "OH YEAH!"

"Now wasn't that relaxing?" Luna asked.

"No." Lori said. She took out a clarinet. "This is relaxing."

Lori began to play. Lincoln and Clyde panicked.

"Oh no! Don't worry Lori, I'll save you!" Lincoln grabbed a marshmallow and used a slingshot to aim it at Lori. The marshmallow went straight through the clarinet and into Lori's mouth. She fell on her back with the clarinet still in her mouth. The other siblings and Clyde gasped. Lincoln rushed to his sister.

"Lori, are you ok?" Lincoln asked. "Just chew and swallow."

Lori chewed and swallowed the marshmallow.

"There. Better?"

"Better?!" Lori yelled. "I was literally just fine until you threw that ballistic junk food into my windpipe!"

"But I had to." Lincoln explained. "It's too dangerous to be playing the clarinet badly out in the wilderness. It might attract.."

Lincoln leaned closer to Lori and whispered in her ear. "A bear."

"A bear?" Lori questioned. "Really? Where did you hear that from?"

Clyde pulled out a magazine. "It says so in "The Royal Woods Inquirer."

"Killer mama bears attack awful clarinet players." Lori read the cover.

"Yeah, And fake science monthly." Lisa added pulling out a magazine. "Me and Lucy saw this."

"Bears and unicorns: Beware!" Lori read.

"Yeah, we discussed this earlier today." Lincoln said. "So now we know how to protect ourselves."

"Ok, unicorns don't exist and bears live in the forest. They're not gonna hear my clarinet playing from here."

"Trust me, Lori. Bears have sensitive hearing when it comes to terrible music playing." Lincoln said.

"He's right." Clyde agreed. "I knew this guy who knew this guy who this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy's cousin-"

"You're right!" Lori blurted out. "I should be more careful. So why don't you tell me what I shouldn't do if I wanna keep the bears away."

"Ok. That's easy." Lincoln said. "First off, don't play your clarinet."

"Ok, then what?"

"Never wave your flashlight back and forth really fast." Lincoln said.

"Flashlights are their natural prey." Lana said.

"Don't stomp around. They take that as a challenge." Lincoln explained.

"Go on." Lori said as she took notes.

"Never eat cheese."

"Sliced or cubed?"

Lincoln and Clyde whisper to each other.

"Cubed. Sliced is fine." Lincoln said.

"Yeah, yeah, and-" Lori ordered.

"Never wear a sombrero-" Lincoln said.

"In a goofy fashion." Leni said.

"Or clown shoes." Luan added.

"Or a hoop skirt." Lola added.

"And never ever ever ever screech like a chimpanzee!" Lincoln and Clyde said together.

"Wow. It's amazing how many things can set a bear off." Lori said.

"They're horrible." Lincoln and Clyde said simultaneously.

"And suddenly, I fear that we're all in danger." Lori said worried.

"Why?" Leni asked.

"I don't know." Lori replied, then she runs off and comes back with a sombrero, a flashlight, a plate with cubed cheese, a hooped skirt, and clown shoes. "Just a feeling!"

"No." Lincoln said, worriedly.

"Yes." Lori said mischievously.

"No!"

Lori started screeching.

"Lori, please don't!" Her siblings and Clyde cried out.

Lori began screeching and stomping and waved her flashlight.

"Lincoln, what do we do?" Lana asked. "A bear is sure to come and eat us!"

"Don't worry guys!" Lincoln said. "I'll draw an anti-bear circle in the dirt."

Lincoln grabbed a stick and started to draw a circle around Clyde and the sisters.

"Good thinking!" Clyde said. He pulled out a magazine. "All the experts say it's the only defense against a bear attack."

The siblings and Clyde all sat down and cuddled each other.

"You guys are so gullible!" Lori said. "If this stuff is for real, why didn't one show up?"

"Maybe it's because you're not wearing your sombrero in a goofy fashion." Lucy thought.

"Oh. You mean like this?" Lori tilted her sombrero and started laughing. Suddenly, someone's arm reached up and put Lori's sombrero upside down. It was a bear.

"No. Like that." Lucy corrected.

Lori then saw the bear. The bear roared. Lori screamed and ran away. The bear chased after her and beat her up. It left when it was done.

"OMG! Lori! Are you ok?" Leni asked.

"No." Lori groaned as she was all bruised up.

"Quick! Jump in our anti bear circle before he comes back!" Lincoln said as he and the others carried the dirt circle with them.

"Yeah, bears often attack more than once." Clyde added.

"Are you crazy?" Lori said. "A dirt circle won't stop that monster! I'm running for my life!"

"NO!" Her siblings and Clyde yelled. It was too late. The bear came back and attacked Lori again, then left.

"Don't run! They hate that!" Lincoln stated.

"Thanks for the tip." Lori said in pain. "I guess I'll just limp home then."

"NO!" The others yelled. The bear came back again and attacked Lori again, then left.

"They hate limping more than running!" Lincoln said.

Lori was about to head inside again. "Well, I guess I'll just-"

The bear came back and mauled Lori again, then left.

"I should have warned you about crawling." Lincoln said.

Then the bear came back and pummeled Lori again, then left.

"What did I do that time?" Lori asked.

"I don't know." Lincoln replied. "I guess he just doesn't like you."

"Pretend to be someone else!" Clyde suggested.

"Here! Draw a circle in the dirt!" Lincoln suggested, throwing a stick at her. The bear came back, attacked her again and left. "That was an oval! It has to be a circle!"

Lori had enough. "Move over!" Lori jumped into the big circle. The bear came back but noticed the circle around the kids. Then the bear glared at Lori and pointed a finger at her, probably saying something like "You got lucky this time" before leaving.

"It worked!" Lori said happily. "You guys saved my life!"

"Hooray!" Everyone cheered. They all hugged.

"Yeah, I'm glad it was just a bear." Lincoln said. "This circle would never hold back a rhinoceros."

"What attracts them?" Lori asked.

"The sound of a bear attack." Clyde answered.

Suddenly, a rhinoceros was right in front of the kids.

"Good thing we're all wearing our rhinoceros undergarments." Lincoln said. "Right Lori?"

"Huh?" Lori said in a worried tone.

Well, what did you think of this chapter? I was thinking of using Chandler as Squidward but then I just decided to use Lori instead. Please review and I'll be back with the next chapter!