Aziraphale: Raven, holding onto the baby, places it into a baby carrier ready to be wheeled away…The baby carrier gets rolled over into the middle of the hall and now awaits for the birth of a mothers infant. Lady A is birthing her first child and is fully wide awake for this goodness it's creepy as all get out.
Mother Mary: (watching the problems unfold) ugh…sneaking a baby out completely without her consent and whilst she is in labor would be a suicide mission.
Casanova: greatly so mother, greatly so.
Aziraphale: Lady B is already on her second child with her husband puking outside of the room.
Mother Mary: oh how egregious. How can a man with dignity come out proudly with everything stained to the dickens? The woman has chosen a weak being who could be picked off by a baby cow and have a heart attack by the sight of a black cat, because they breed unluckiness.
Casanova: You think he has any luck, mother?
Mother Mary: luck? Certainly not. He was already unlucky. How he got a Delmont is beyond me.
Casanova: Honestly Mother, one can get the baby past him without him noticing.
Mother Mary: *scoffs* like breeding ladies do with most men when it comes to their partners affairs in the stupidity of politics if you know what I mean.
Casanova: but her ladyship Delmont is a respectable woman. She'd never cheat on her lover.
Mother Mary: only if he can get "it" up.
Casanova: words, Mother…goodness.
Mother Mary: Just watch any late 1900's show about women and manipulation tactics 1-0-1 and you'll understand.
Raven: never thought of you as one to watch those shows. Do you enjoy them?
Mother Mary: leave the premises you manage mutt.
Raven: I prefer not to. (walks away)
Mother Mary: (turns back to casanova) Either way, be logical about this sort of thing, it is not smart as he is outside when the baby is popping out for the second time. He'll probably have some questions and we don't want that.
Casanova: true…
Aziraphale: Now Lady's C and Lady's D have just given birth to baby boys.
Shepherd: Oh Mother Mary!!! They are giving birth!!! They are giving birth!!! How unique is that?
Mother Mary: one happens to be of a commoner stature while one is the prime minister of England…or was it the US…point being one is good. The other can keep their infested danger to society.
Shepherd: mother!! Be kind.
Mother Mary: Shepherd, our goal is to get this baby on national Tv, to either help, or destroy all of earth…Now all the maids here are waiting to get a blast from the train horn. Now shut it, and clean up the baby. We'll rendezvous and continue with the plan. (Walks away)
Raven: She's a peach.
Shepherd: she always is. Now get to work doing something. (walks away)
Aziraphale: As the maids were going around the place, many waiting for the horn, everyone was rushing to get the babies cleaned ready and switched with one of the more important or slightly important families of choice…and boy did that go wrong really quickly.
Mother Mary: (walks out of the room) Berg!!! Sound the horn if you will!!! The little rats have been born!!!
Everyone: (running around the place getting everything ready)
Raven: Berg…as the man in a hospital filled with nuns…What do a lot of you do when you're waiting for something interesting to go on?
Berg: I don't know.
Raven: (looks at him) excuse me?
Berg: yeah. This is all new to us. We never really had one of these sort of things happen before.
Raven: …well then…*smiles* it would be a shame if something bad were to happen…
Berg: (looks at Raven) what?
Raven: nothing dear. Nothing at all. Continue with your life as if nothing is going to change.
Mother Mary: Berg!!! For pete sakes get yourself together!!! what did I just say!?!?!
Berg: sorry mother Mary…(rings the horn)
Aziraphale: ah the blissfulness of it all…yes?
Shepard: (comes into the room) Morning love, we need to get the baby washed and cleaned if you don't mind. (walks out of the room with Lady A's two babies)
Joseph: (pops her head in) Hi, comfortable? Yeah? good…I'm so sorry about the horn. It tends to be very loud, I'll take these two babies and get them cleaned up for ya, love. (leaves with Lady B's babies)
May: (comes in) hello love, sorry about the horn. We'll be right back with the baby, clean and ready for a perfect availability. Also don't mind the swapping of clothes…after all we want the baby to be snug as a bug in a rug…not that we have bugs in rugs, but you get the idea.
Shepherd: (pops her head in) leave. Hi…
May: sorry...(leaves with Lady C's Baby)
Casanova: (comes out of the room where Lady D was) Mother May, there seems to be a problem with Lady D's baby…
May: What do you mean?
Casanova: well…Mother May…
May: …
Casanova: the baby is delayed…very late…not wanting to leave the mother's womb one bit…? Not your's, the mother of-
May: shut it. I know what you mean.
Casanova: You didn't say anything though…If you are wondering, I didn't tell Mother Mary…cause I don't want to feel her wrath…
May: what do you expect me to do?
Casanova: do not get me killed by the scary woman known as mother Mary. I rather her chew out the "thing" outside instead of me.
May: …well…scare the woman into giving birth to the baby. Do something of total value in order to get that baby out…the horn was sounded because we thought all the babies were out of the womb, and that man who threw up, is in another room making a mess of things right now. And Mother Mary is terrifying.
Casanova: Mother Mary is very scary.
May: …well? What are you still doing here?
Casanova: well…What do you want me to do with the man?
May: (walks over to Raven) Raven…yes?
Raven: oh…you know my name.
May: Can you get the man out of here? He's making a mess and it is annoying to the women and children.
Raven: I'm not one of your maids.
May: well you're not doing anything of usefulness. So could you please get "it" out?
Raven: Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth.
May: go!!! (whips around to Casanova) What are you still doing here?
Casanova: well, I don't know what to do, I put Sister Josy up to the task, and made sure she was in charge of the babies delivery, and last I checked the baby's head came first…so I thought by the time I heard the horn being rung, I would go to find you, and then possibly come back to the room with the baby out of her hoo ha.
May: *chuckles* you thought wrong.
Casanova: What do we do?
May: look…you go into Lady E's room and help Mother Mary, and clean the baby or something and then put her babies back into place. The rest of you do the same. I will go in there and scare that baby to death (walks away very angrily)
Casanova: but-
May: now!!!
Casanova: I think I prefer the handling of the husband….can I handle that woman's husband?
May: we're? (Look at the boy that Casanova is pointing to) that's not a husband!! that's the bus boy or water boy or…someone that works for the poor woman.
Casanova: no!!! Raven!!!
Raven: (trying to not get puked on by the husband) what?
May: help this one too!!
Raven: I'd rather not-
May: Now!!! (walks into lady D's room) hello, Hi. my apologies…I heard you were having trouble with your child?
George: Yes, my wife is currently in the state of labor and there was a-
Malina: a fog horn in my ear, while I'm giving birth to a future fog horn!!!
George: yeah, that too…
May: can you hold that for a second…(turns around and leaves) Raven!!! Raven!!!
Raven: Congratulations, you know my name. What do you want?
May: Do you know how to scare people?
Raven: because you need my tactics…or you're just wanting me to be the icebreaker at a family dinner because you can't talk about being catholic due to living in an atheist house?
May: no…no. I need you to scare a woman into popping out a baby.
Raven: you want me to help with two puking man child, and now you want me to help scare a woman into popping the world's most dangerous weapon on the planet that makes your ears bleed with the amount of "oohs and ahhs" as if no one has ever seen one before…
May: essentially…yes…
Raven: well…Why didn't you start with that?
May: are you being sarcastic?
Raven: (turns to the men) compose yourself gentlemen. Your dignity is on the line. (Walks into the room) evening-(Dodges a flying plate) that is no way to greet an award winning facility member-
Malina: Excuse me!?!!!? (Glares at her husband) care to say that again?!!?!!
George: I meant, honey, you are amazing, and beautiful, I will be the best husband and father that you will ever see, my duties to the white house will not negate from my duties to my family, my true family, which is you and that baby-
Raven: if you were actually in person, you'd have to actually confess your sins and honor your promises.
George: I really do honor my promises-
Malina: What are you talking about?
George: honoring my promises and committing to my wife and now son-
Malina: Shut up, and let me pop this fog horn out of me!!!
George: …well I thought some encouragement would-
Malina: encouragement? You're all the way in New York, I'm over here with a belly as big as a chimpanzee giving birth to your fog horn, as you're watching me on a screen the size of your face!!! Your support is meaningless!!!!
George: …
Malina: And tell this woman to never, ever pull that fog horn in my presence ever again!!!!
George: right…what my wife said.
May: We are so sorry sir, an employee of mine's child was running loose around the place-
George: well as Prime minister who expects outstanding service for my wife and my future child, I expect your full staff without child issues ruining my beautiful wifes labor process.
May: …my apologies sir-
George: have that person fired…because I know for a fact that if I was in my wifes situation-
Malina: You are not in my damn situation, George!!!!!!
George: …fire that person right now.
May: of course I shall have that happen immediately, cause we are here for your well being, and only for your well being (turns to Raven) help…
Raven: gee I would but-.
May: say something.
Raven: evening-
Malina: Why are you saying that to my husband? I'm the one popping a flipping watermelon out of my whoha as he is living it up with the president in New York!!!!!!!
Raven: …(backs up and into the hall) May, I think you got this…good luck. (Runs away)
(with Maranda)
Maranda: …(humming to herself)
Raven: sir, stop throwing up, it's not a big deal.
camera Boy: I'm sorry, It's just when I took this job I had expected it to be the beautiful things-
Raven: What's a little beauty without a bit of pain?
Camera Boy: what?
Raven: it means, dufus you came into this world like that and your mother called you a miracle baby, so shut up and suck it up, you're annoying and I wonder where most of your brain cells went.
Camera Man: but seeing that was not on my list to becoming the next camera man in my family.
Raven: So you're your daddy's prodigy?
Camera Man: no, I'm my mama's pride and joy.
Raven: Gosh you're like a nepo baby. spoiled by your famous mama, buying your whole room decor with your daddy's black card.
Camera man: i'm just saying that its gross-
Raven: You're gross, puking all over the place. I mean I don't care for watching a living thing being pushed out of the woman's hole in the slightest, but I also don't want to walk in puke instantly as soon as I come in…after being told that my wife is in labor
Camera man: I wasn't the only one puking my guts out.
Raven: (turns to the husband) name?
Edward: Edward ma'am.
Raven: you have failed as a man, and your dignity is on the borderline of being gone.
Both: …where exactly are we going?
Raven: (pushes open some doors and walks into the kitchen) where dreams become reality…
Edward: …why-?
Raven: Do you cook?
Edward: no.
Raven: clean?
Edward: no.
Raven: do anything, but sit in your chair at a staples waiting to be robbed?
Edward: …what's that?
Raven: So basically useless. (Walks up to one of the sisters) Maranda right?
Maranda: oh!!! You know my name. How? I never thought such a being of your stature would know me by name.
Raven: of my stature?
Maranda: a cockroach that people want to kill anyway they can.
Raven: …it's like you're begging to be punched…
Maranda: (shrugs)
Raven: it beats being unwanted.
Maranda: Who wants a cockroach?
Raven: I'm getting more attention than you would get in an hour.
Maranda: (shocked)
Raven: (shrugs) look…you're the only one who didn't have baby assignment duties, and is an actual maid-
Maranda: What even is the problem?
Raven: I haven't the slightest clue of how to heal a human…or lack of…who is puking.
Maranda: and?
Raven: And since you're a human, I thought you could help him, and that…(points to Edward)
Maranda: (looks at them) why?
Raven: because I always thought that's what humans do, help each other out of good nature…or at least that's what a nun does, of their hearts to further please the Lord.
Maranda: But I'm not a nurse.
Raven: no but you look like one.
Maranda: and?
Raven: And? I'm not human, guess we all have something in common. Here (pushes the cameraman towards Maranda) help him.
Maranda: don't you things have healing magic?
Raven: don't you humans have an aid pack or something?
Maranda: magic kind of beats a non-magical item.
Raven: and magic kind of has consequences with painful side effects. Besides, divine power isn't used to heal minor illnesses.
Maranda: And what illness does he have?
Raven: (shows a video of a birth to the Camera Man)
Camera Man: (throws up)
Maranda: He's throwing up…
Raven: *smiles* nice. You have eyes.
Camera Man: (continues to throw up)
Maranda: …I don't think he should be losing that amount of food.
Raven: girl I don't think he should be losing his guts either but yet here we are. (pushes him towards Maranda) Now stop arguing, and start fixing him.
Maranda: (dodges the puking and puts the Camera man in a chair) ok…um…I will grab our first aid and a book…(walks out of the room and comes back with a book and the first aid kit)
Edward: And me?
Raven: What about you?
Edward: I was puking too-
Raven: (Looks at Maranda) Can you fix a father's dilemma?
Maranda: I'm reading~.
Raven: (turns back to Edward) welp. You're out of luck.
Edward: him throwing up is making me sick.
Raven: Then fix it.
Edward: how?
Raven: (turns back to the camera man) you should go and find a book by the name of "how to cure sicknesses from fools" By Lemon Foolish.
Maranda: That's a real book?
Raven: yes. The book is in the lobby. First one to exist on the medical table, gathering dust.
Maranda: if I find the book, do you mind moping this up? (walks out of the kitchen without another word)
Raven: (goes to find a broom)
Camera Man: …what are you? And what did she mean by magic?
Raven: (starts to mop up the floor) don't worry about it-
Edward: (throws up near her shoe)
Raven: …if I see one of your guts on my shoe, you're going to be the first to die.
Edward: …the sloshing sound is making me noxious…
Raven: You, breathing makes me noxious.
Camera Man: …
Maranda: (comes walking in) ok, I looked up what we need to do, and I think there are some crackers and fizzy drinks in the cupboard over there.
Raven: (opens the cupboard) what are we supposed to do with them?
Maranda: feed the man.
Raven: (looks at the camera man and at Edward and throws the food over to them) here Nemo baby eat up. You too, hazardous delusion.
Camera Man: (eating the food and offered the food over to the husband)
Raven: so…Maranda?
Maranda: …yes?
Raven: Would you like to do something important? One that'll bring glory to your name?
Maranda: where is this coming from?
Raven: I'm bored. And I want to do something at least once that spikes some interest in this dull place.
Maranda: this is a catholic hospital. Being dull and simple is important. As the scripture states that being flashy isn't what God wants as it defeats the purpose of seeing a pure heart.
Raven: fair.
Maranda: …but…if I said no, what would you do?
Raven: give it to the camera man and that dude-
Edward: I have a name-!
Raven: You do?
Maranda: …? I'm interested.
Raven: You know the baby assignment is so beneath you,
Maranda: (looks at her with suspicion) you do?
Raven: I mean what does a mother crave for more than having a baby?
Maranda: (looks around the room) I don't know…what?
Raven: The assignment of making refreshments is a true work of art, something I rarely possess.
Maranda: you don't bake or anything?
Raven: I rarely have the time to.
Maranda: oh…why? What is it a "thing" such as yourself have to do?
Raven: (mildly insulted) I brought this baby to you. Yes?
Maranda: well yes, but that's trivial work.
Raven: (disappointed breathing sighs) I will then have to chase down a berserk demon.
Maranda: That's also trivial.
Raven: Have you ever taken down a 18'0'' foot demon?
Maranda: I mean I never had to…but I did attend an exorcism.
Raven: what do you mean by that-
Maranda: like you demons-
Raven: ok…well I have an assignment for you, that'll pique your interest.
Maranda: …
Raven: You see, in the hallway closest to the kitchen are a whole bunch of babies that need to be handled.
Maranda: I'm not allowed to handle the Baby's. I am seen as not responsible.
Raven: oh, darling. No one in this building is responsible to handle a baby. But yet here we are giving a child to a competent stranger. And this stranger is puking his gut all over the place because we gave him flat soda and stale old crackers.
Edward: …what?
Raven: shut up and go back to eating.
Maranda: And your point?
Raven: I have been in desperate need of someone to help, cause you see, the baby has selected a room-
Maranda: how? It's a baby.
Raven: That's besides the point, and I feel that you can help the baby get to where it needs to go…
Maranda: You confuse me.
Raven: good. I have some time on my hands, and I would like you to teach me how to make cookies for people.
Maranda: What for?
Raven: You'll see.