I had the most vicious writer's block for this chapter up until a few days ago. So sorry for the long wait.

Thank you to scootersmom, nightrider67, and Souless666 for your comments! They encourage me to keep trying even when the story is being fickle. Enjoy!

Bobby had squirreled himself away in a back room in the garage with the intent to keep his research as secret as possible. He hadn't told Dean about the diamond of darkness that was embedded in his brother. He didn't want to tell him if he could help it. Now that he understood what it was, he was able to find other references to it. And what he found terrified him. Some Coptic sources claimed that Jesus was able to perform his miracles using the 'Jewel of Heaven' which held 'that which came from Earth but belonged in Heaven.' A soul, no doubt. He found multiple spells which required a 'stone-trapped soul', including spells for resurrection, necromancy, and the summoning and control of minor gods.

Most of his inquiries to other hunters had been returned with no information and a wish of luck, but three had given him leads to research and two had seemed very interested in why Bobby would want to know about such an artifact. It made Bobby's blood run cold to think someone might come after Sam for this thing and cut it out of him. Idly, he wondered if removing the stone would inactivate the ward. Perhaps they could try and see what happens? But how was he going to convince Dean to let his brother out of his sight long enough for heart surgery? And how would they even find a heart surgeon to do this?

Dammit! What a fucking mess... he thought with frustration.

Out of nowhere, a loud cry of pain followed by a physical shockwave rocked through him. He heard the shattering of glass as all the windows exploded. He got up and ran towards the house, seeing an unfamiliar car in the driveway. He opened the door and called for his boys. By the time he arrived, Dean was trying to approach Sam, who sat disoriented in the middle of the destruction. Dean waved away Bobby's words, trying to keep Sam focused and grounded.

Bobby saw a body on the floor and recognized it as a hunter he occasionally helped, Justin Fischer. It didn't take him long to put two and two together. Justin had probably hurt Sam at some point in the past and this was Sam's reaction to either seeing Justin again or Justin attacking him. Regardless of the situation, Sam clearly had a massive amount of power at his fingertips that he had little to no control over. Training Sam was going to be one helluva challenge. Protecting him was going to be even harder.

Dean called for him to fetch the first aid kit and he had to stow his troublesome thoughts. He'd have plenty of time to agonize over this later.

Bobby wasn't pleased about what Dean had done to Justin, but he also understood it. Dean's affection was a more visceral beast than the normal person's: you hurt Sammy, you pay dearly, maybe with your life. Bobby got that. But judging from the number of hunter cage matches and other beatings Sam had suffered through, Dean would single-handedly wipe out half the hunting community if he maimed or killed everyone who had hurt Sam. That's not to say they didn't deserve some payback, but Dean wasn't rational when it came to his little brother. Hell, that's what had gotten them in this mess in the first place: Dean being unable to let his brother go.

His ruminations were interrupted by timid calls from the younger Winchester. 'Dean? ... Bobby? ... Anyone?'

"I'll be right there, Sam!" Bobby answered and hurried upstairs.

Waking up with a concussion was not a pleasant experience, by any stretch of the imagination. The wisps of sunlight that managed to evade the drawn curtain stabbed daggers into his brain. He wanted nothing more than to pull the covers over his head and drift off to peaceful nothingness again. But an even more unpleasant sensation was begging for his attention and he couldn't ignore it any longer.

Water... Oh God, need water... His tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth and his lips were painful to separate. The taste of dehydration clung to the inside of his mouth and he hated it. It was a feeling all too familiar to him and he struggled to push away the associated memories that inundated his mind. Pain flared along his chest and he quickly suppressed the memories that came washing in with the physical suffering.

He reached out weakly with his mind, trying to find his family. 'Dean? ... Bobby? ... Anyone?'

A few seconds later, he heard Bobby yell back "I'll be right there, Sam!" and he sagged into the bed with relief. Someone was here for him, someone he could trust.

Bobby came bustling into the room, eyes full of concern. "Hey, Sam, how are you feeling?"

Sam strained to provide him with a weak smile. ' 'm okay. Need water.'

"On it." Bobby snatched the empty glass on the nightstand and dashed to the bathroom to fill it up. Upon his return, he helped Sam sit up and drink the whole glass. "You want another?"

Sam weakly shook his head as he licked his lips. It felt so good to be able to ask for something as simple as water and not have to exchange something for the privilege. He tried to force his vocal cords to work so he could express his gratitude, but was rewarded with some painful squeaky groans. 'Thanks, Bobby,' he said instead.

Bobby smiled at him affectionately. "I'm bettin' you got a hell of a headache. You want anything for it? Or for your chest?"

Sam shrugged, not unused to this level of discomfort. 'Light hurts the most.'

Bobby glanced over at the window, observing how the curtains didn't block out everything. "Alright, I'll be right back."

Bobby returned with a blanket, some nails, a hammer, and duct tape. Within a few minutes, he had the light completely blocked, with only the light from the hallway intruding into the room. The darkness made the glow of Sam's left eye significantly brighter and Bobby found himself unable to look away from it. It increased the apprehension he was already feeling while thinking about Sam's soul situation.

Somehow Sam picked up on it and of course interpreted it the wrong way. He curled into the wall, away from Bobby. 'Are you scared of me?'

Bobby blinked in surprise. "Scared of you? No, son. I'm scared for you. Big difference."

'What's there to be scared of now? I'm safe with you.'

Bobby furrowed his brow in confusion. "How can you say that? Not three hours ago someone was carvin' into ya downstairs!" The surge of anger that accompanied the words caught him off guard and he had to quell his rage. He couldn't let anyone hurt his boy under his roof again. One time was too goddamn many.

'But I'm alright, aren't I?'

Bobby shook his head. "I would hardly call what happened 'alright'. We had to stitch you up on my desk!"

Sam shrugged again, face stoic. Or maybe it was numbness. Bobby decided he didn't want to know which. 'It's all relative. Way better than what used to happen.'

Bobby swallowed painfully. "I know, Sam, I'm so sorry. I feel like it's all my fault. I sent those hunters... I didn't even think something like this could happen...Had I known—"

'You couldn't have. This is in no way your fault. If anything, I deserve this!"

Bobby's expression immediately shifted to one of intense anger and Sam flinched away on reflex. "I don't ever wanna hear that from you again, boy. Sure, you fucked up, more than most, maybe, but that in no way means you deserved to suffer what you went through. You hear me?" Sam nodded resolutely, though it seemed to Bobby it was more out of fear than agreement. "And you better not pull that on your brother, either, 'cause that will give him a damn heart attack."

Sam blinked at him, his expression unreadable. 'Where is Dean? I can't... sense him...'

Bobby huffed in irritation. "He's, uh, he went out for a drive," he answered evasively.

'Did he go after that hunter?'

Bobby considered saying something other than the truth but it felt like Sam's eyes were burrowing into his very being. "He tried to. He was gonna mess 'im up pretty good but your angel friend was able to stop him."

Angel friend – Lucifer?! Sam thought with panic, before realizing he meant Castiel.

The thought of Castiel raised some hazy memories into the front of his mind. 'Bobby... What, uh, happened? How am I here?'

"You don't remember?"

'My memories are kinda jumbled and patchy right now...' Sam admitted.

Bobby sighed and ran his hand through his beard. "Well, Dean was able to track down the hunters that had you. He had almost gotten you when you were kidnapped by some demons. They took you to Detroit where they were supposed to give you to Lucifer. Dean called Castiel and they followed you. By the time Dean found you, you'd already drained a couple of demons and—"

'A couple?!' Sam's already pale face blanched further.

"Yeah, Dean said four or five..."

'You need to get me to the panic room!' Sam threw the covers back, frantic.

Bobby put his hands up. "It's alright, Sam. You've already detoxed. That was weeks ago."

'Weeks?' Sam's face clouded with fear. 'I don't remember any of it...'

"Probably best you don't..."

'I need to know. Please, tell me.'

"Sam, I don't think—"

'Bobby!' The fear morphed into irritation and Bobby felt something pressing against his head.

"Okay, fine. When you were juiced up demon blood, your eyes were black and you gave Dean the option of letting you walk away a semi-demon or killing you to prove he could put you out of your misery if the human side of you surfaced again. It was torture for him, but he did it, he shot you."

Sam nodded slightly, his throat convulsing with anxious swallowing. But he didn't respond at all so Bobby continued.

"And then you woke up again while he was driving back here. You tried to leave, Dean didn't want to let you go, so then you tried to kill him." Sam's eyes got wide and he started wringing his hands. "He ended up having to hit you with the car and... well, that was horrible. He got you back here and we pumped your stomach and put you in the panic room. Demon-you put up a helluva fight but eventually he went under and you came to, but were pretty unresponsive. Dean had the bright idea to go to Missouri Moseley and try to reach you psychically."

'Wait, that really was Dean I heard then?'

"Heard when?"

Sam looked down at the blanket and seemed wholly focused on a loose thread. 'When Lucifer almost... There was so little of me left that he didn't even need my consent... He could just take what he wanted... But then I heard Dean's voice and it gave me whatever I needed to fight back.'

"Are you saying Lucifer actually possessed you, at least for a bit?!" This was way too close for comfort!

Sam shrugged, still looking down. 'I think so? There was a moment where I felt like... I had wings and I was hearing his thoughts and I thought they were my own... Maybe that's why I have this,' Sam looked up slightly and pointed to his eye. 'Maybe I'm marked now, a used vessel...'

"But you still have all your wards, he shouldn't be able to touch you."

'Shouldn't, but who knows what Lucifer is capable of. He's brought me back more times than I can count, even with the warding.'

Bobby took a breath in and out, seeming to hesitate. "I actually wanna talk to you about your warding. Do you think you're up for that?"

Sam paled again and scrunched in closer to the wall. 'What do you want to know?'

"We're trying to figure out how to reverse them, but there aren't any details on that in the journals—"

Sam's head snapped up but he couldn't make himself look Bobby in the eye. 'The journals. What do they say?'

"Mostly just describes your torture and recovery... Seems like they were trying to find a weakness, something Lucifer couldn't fix."

'Anything else?'

Bobby creased his brow. "Uh, some mentions of your powers... Why does it matter?"

Sam swallowed hard and looked away, the phantom of relief swelling through him. Bobby didn't know about the... other things that had happened. They didn't know how dirty he was, how many hands had touched him, how he had been used, how he had been—

His vision started to black out and he realized distantly it was because he was hyperventilating.

"Sam? Sam, come on, calm down!" Bobby urged, moving forward to console Sam with a hand on his shaking shoulder. The moment they came into contact, Sam yelped and recoiled, pushing himself as far away from Bobby as possible. He cut off his own sound of panic and it died down to a whimper.

'Please, no more, I can't, no more, please...' Sam begged and the absolute desperation, along with the way he was trembling, brought tears to Bobby's eyes.

"Son, I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise."

'They always say that, always, it won't hurt, but it does, every time.'

"What wrong, Sam? Hey, talk to me, I want to help. What hurts?" Bobby reached out again and grabbed Sam's wrist.

Violent pain erupted at the point of contact and Sam turned to Bobby, fear painting the young man's features. 'Don't, no, please, I can't...' Bobby let go and Sam drew his hand in towards his chest and cradled it there, rocking slightly.

Bobby scrubbed a hand down his face. He had no idea what had precipitated this or what to do to stop it. "Everything's fine, Sam, you're out. They can't hurt you any more, I promise." The young man seemed locked in his own head and he wondered if maybe he needed to order Sam to stop. "Hey, freak," Bobby growled. "Cut it out, right now! We ain't got time for your snivelin'! Fucking stop it!"

It only made Sam hunch further into himself and Bobby sighed. Of course it wouldn't be that easy. Sam curled his knees up to his chest impossibly tight and his fingers were diving into his calves. Had Dean not trimmed his nails, Bobby was sure he'd be drawing blood. As it were, Sam would probably have some decent bruises. "Sam, hey, you gotta stop that," he softened his voice and reached towards him again. Sam didn't seem to see him but the moment his hands touched Sam's shoulders, Sam let out a visceral scream and the lightbulbs in the room and hallway shattered. "Okay, that's enough. Time to get your brother in here."

Bobby went downstairs to get his cellphone, a flashlight, and replacement lightbulbs. Careful to avoid the broken glass in the hallway, he changed out the bulb, cursing as it blinked on right in his face. He returned to Sam's room and shone the flashlight towards the lamp and moved towards it. He stopped. Something was wrong. He couldn't see Sam in his peripheral vision. He swung the flashlight towards the bed but it was empty. Searching the rest of the room proved equally fruitless. Fuck. Dean was gonna have his head for this.

His cellphone rung for a third time and Dean mashed the answer button. "What?" he grumbled.

"I don't need a lecture from you, Bobby, so stop calling!" He pressed his foot down on the gas pedal and was about to hang up when he heard Bobby's labored breathing. "Bobby? What's wrong?"

"Dean, it's Sam. He's gone. You need to get back here pronto."

"What?!" Dean made a U-turn in the middle of the road and raced back the way he came.

"I was just talking to him after he woke up and then he got upset about something, blew out the lightbulbs. He'd asked me earlier to darken the room so I couldn't see shit. By the time I got a flashlight and more bulbs, he wasn't in the room anymore. I've looked all over the house and the yard and I can't find him."

"Fuck! I'll be there in ten."

Dean thundered into the house, one look at Bobby informing him Sam was still missing.

"You last saw him in his room?" Dean asked, already bounding up the stairs. Bobby called an affirmative after him. Dean darted into the room, searching the now-lit space for any clues as to where his brother had disappeared to this time. But the room was empty. There was nothing.

Except it wasn't nothing. There was something off about the room, something in there, like a weird buzz of static whispering almost beyond his reach. Dean was hardly an expert when it came to psychic crap but he was an expert when it came to Sam. He closed his eyes and concentrated on Sam, on the thought of him, on their newfound connection. Unable to explain how, he could tell Sam was still in the room with him. He could – God help him – sense his energy. And yet he couldn't see his little brother.

'Sam? I know you're in here.' he called out tentatively.

There was an odd flash of power that caused the lights to flicker and then a timid voice replied 'Here, but I don't wanna be. Here, but I don't wanna be.' Over and over.

Relief swelled through him. Sam was still close. Well, they didn't know how far this telepathy thing worked, but Dean assumed it was feet, not miles. Another thing for them to figure out. But Sam was here. He was safe. Anything else they could deal with.

Dean puzzled over what was happening for a little bit. Sam clearly had all sorts of new abilities that the kid didn't even seem aware of. He considered what Sam was saying and tried to imagine how uncontrolled powers might actualize what he was feeling. He felt the idea coalesce in his brain before the realization hit him with all the grace of a tsunami. Sam likely couldn't teleport to escape, but wouldn't it be just as effective to make someone think you weren't there? Demon Sam had projected thoughts into Dean's mind before. What's to say Sam wasn't projecting a sense of Sam not being there now? Sam was probably just manipulating, albeit unwittingly, the hunters' minds into thinking they couldn't see him.

Testing this hypothesis, Dean held the idea of Sam being in the same room firmly in his mind. He practically willed Sam to be in there with him. When he opened his eyes and scanned the room, he was rewarded by the sight of Sam huddled in a corner behind the bed, head bowed down into his knees. His fingers were fervently trying to burrow into his own flesh.

"Sammy," Dean said softly and moved towards him to crouch in front of him but kept several feet of space between them. "I know you don't wanna be here, but I want you here, and big brother knows best, yeah?"

Sam's hands stopped and Dean held his breath, hoping Sam would surface and recognize him.

Silence hung between them and tension crackled along Dean's nerves. 'If big brother knows best, then why didn't you kill me like you said you would? We coulda avoided all of this if you'd just followed through.'

"What?!" Dean nearly fell over he was so startled by Sam's emotionless response. "Kill you? When did I say I was gonna kill you?!"

Sam's fingers started knotting again. 'You really don't remember? 'Listen to me, you bloodsucking freak. Dad always said I'd either have to save you or kill you. Well, I'm giving you fair warning. I'm done trying to save you. You're a monster, Sam—'' He finished reciting the message with Dean's inflection, clearly having memorized it.

"Oh, dammit, Sam, that voicemail… God, we really gotta do this now?"

'Do what now? Kill me? Kinda too late for that… It won't stick…But you're welcome to try.'

"No, Sam. Fuck, no, I'm not going to kill you, not ever. Look, there's something you have to know about that day, but I need to know you're paying attention." Sam's hands stilled but that wasn't enough for Dean. "Look at me."

Sam didn't move. 'I'm listening.'

"Look me in the eye, so you know I mean this."

It took Sam some time to force his muscles to comply, but he shakily rose his head and met Dean's gaze. Dean gave him a faint smile then set his lips as he prepared to right a serious wrong. "I did call you, before you took on Lilith. But I didn't leave all that bullshit, I promise, man. I said I was still mad but that we're still brothers. And that I was sorry for what I said in the hotel room. You didn't deserve that. We're family and nothing's gonna change that."

Sam's face folded in confusion. 'But that's not what I heard—'

"I know. But you have to believe me. I was in Zachariah's green room when I called you and he must have messed with it. He said you would need a push to do what you were supposed to do. I didn't know what he meant until I heard that on your phone. Why would you even save that?"

Sam couldn't bear looking at Dean any longer. He dropped his gaze to the floor, his hair shielding his face. 'T-to remind me how far I'd fallen, how much I'd fucked up. Whenever I wanted to call you or thought maybe you could forgive me one day, I'd listen to it, make sure I knew my place.'

Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Jesus, Sam. Have you really been going around for the past however many months thinking that shit was true? That I was gonna kill you?"

'I was kinda waiting for it… And then when I got kidnapped, I figured problem solved… But, uh, yeah… And then either, well, if you knew what happened, you didn't care, or if you didn't know, you probably would think I was a coward and just ran off.'

"I'll be honest with you, the second thing did cross my mind for like a week, but it didn't sit right with me. I've been looking for you since about the time you went missing from Oklahoma. Some weird stuff happened after you called me and told me about being Lucifer's vessel. I got sent—well, it doesn't matter, point is, I realized I'd made a huge mistake in letting you leave. We're better together and I've known it this whole time but haven't been able to tell you until now. Once I found out what you were going through… I just… Fuck, Sam. I don't know how you can ever forgive me. This is all my fault. I was such a shitty brother and because of that, you've been living in Hell on earth. I'd do anything to take it back. I'm so sorry."

Sam's whole body was shaking now but he was able to lift his eyes back to Dean's. 'So it's okay if I stay?'

Goddamn, they broke my boy. Here I am begging for forgiveness and he's asking if he's allowed to stay. Jesus fucking Christ. "Yes!" he almost shouted in response before tempering himself. "Yeah, of course, Sam. I don't want you anywhere but here, where I can watch over you and protect you and try to make this up to you."

Sam shook his head weakly. 'No need to make it up. This wasn't your fault. Just please keep me away from th-them. I can deal with anything but being back there again.'

"Cross my heart and hope to die, next time I see them, they are dead men. And anyone else you can't stand, you tell me, and they're goners. No one hurts you and gets away with it."

An ugly smirk danced on Sam's face for a moment. 'You can't afford that much ammo.'

"I'm not kidding, Sam."

'Neither am I. A lot of people hate me. And they're right to. I started the Apocalypse. I let Lucifer out.'

"One. They don't understand the half of it. Two. Last I checked, I broke the first seal – which, since we seem to be setting things straight, why the fuck did you tell them that you broke the first and last seals?"

'Didn't want them coming after you. They already had me. Made the most sense to keep all the blame on me.' Sam was so matter-of-fact about it, Dean could almost let it slide. Almost.

"Never mind the fact that it was both of us. I don't need you out there putting yourself in more danger to protect me. That's not your job."

Sam looked down and didn't respond.

"You hearin' me?"

Sam nodded. 'I don't care. I couldn't let that happen to you. I'd do it again.' Sam was as resolute as his broken soul could muster. It wasn't defiant, it was earnest. Heart-wrenchingly so.

Dean's eyes watered. Here was his baby brother, who'd been practically destroyed inside and out, saying he'd do it again, to save Dean from a similar fate, even though he thought Dean despised him. Dean felt he didn't deserve this kind of devotion. But he did understand it, considering he gave his own life for Sam's a few years ago. And look how that turned out…

Dean swallowed to force his throat to stop convulsing. "Well, I, uh, I appreciate it, Sam, but no more, okay? From here on out, we deal with everything together."

'I know I'm useless right now, but I can be decently powerful. You can use me however you see fit.' Sam pushed himself up to his knees with his gaze to the floor, head bowed in submission.

"Use you?!" Dean choked out. "No, no, no, Sam. Uh-uh. No one is using anyone. We're gonna train so you can control your powers, but we're a team. Hunters, monsters, Apocalypse, whatever, we'll fight it side by side."

Now Sam's eyes were teary when he looked at Dean. 'You mean it?'

"Yeah, man, 100%. Now can I give you a hug or what?"

'I thought you didn't like chick flick moments?' Sam asked seriously but he was struggling to keep a straight face.

"Will you just shut the fuck up and get over here?" Dean teased and leant in for the hug. Sam was still trembling but he could feel the smile radiating off Sam's soul. He pulled back and squeezed Sam's shoulders. "First things first. We need to bulk you back up. We get a stiff breeze and you'll fly off like a kite. Let's get you some grub and we can work out everything else later, okay?"

'Big brother knows best, right?' The quirk of Sam's lips was rather mischievous and Dean felt hope bloom in his heart. Things were a mess now but they were going to be alright. They were back together and Dean wasn't gonna fuck that up ever again.