Chapter Two (Unwelcomed Guests)
"Now I know for a fact that there is a reason why donkeys shouldn't talk.", Shrek took the second to turn his head slightly to see his son's new pet.
Donkey talked throughout their walk back home and it was an ear sore for Shrek. Now, Jason, on the other hand, the teen loved and still enjoying his new pet donkey. The two talked just about anything that entered their heads. Such as favorite fun board games, which area of land has the best juiciest berries and strawberries, and even talking about the main must-see and-go tourist attraction of the country as a perfect vacation spot.
"Far-Far-Away is the number one place to go, Donkey." begins Jason while helping his Dad cook their dinner. "The place is where all of the famous fairytale princesses, creatures, and others live in the life of absolute endless luxury."
"Whoa." Donkey looked in amazement. "Can we go?!."
Shrek stopped chopping the onions to look at the talking animal. Raising his brow he spotted Donkey in his chair and told him a couple of times to get off, but failed to obey and just let him be. Or else he'll start singing the 'Cause I'm All Alone' song, which made himself and Jason a bit uneasy for one reason. Which was the unexplained 'Out-of-Nowhere' music that began playing as soon as Donkey started singing. To some people like Shrek and Jason, they know that some fairy tale creatures can magically have music playing when they begin singing a tune or a catchy song. Compared to princesses, they were mainly known for doing something like that without freaking or making people feel uncomfortable, regardless of how well they sing.
"Unfortunately, we can not go, Donkey." Shrek began while resuming his chopping. "You see, Ogres aren't the type of fairy tale creature that everyone wants to have or be seen in a fancy number one richest place in the world. If I ever dared to step foot on that land, I'll be welcomed by a bunch of angry mobs and their pitch folks."
"Not including freshly lit torches, Dad," Jason added.
Jason was currently making Donkey a fresh all veggie salad with the side of fresh-cut and slightly watered grass. Reminding himself to go to the village and go purchase a bag of donkey food.
"Rats." Donkey looked disappointed for a minute. "I guess we can't have everything that we want."
"Exactly." agreed Shrek before pouring the chopped onions into the main meals. "But...like I tell my son. Always count your blessings while both be thankful and grateful for what God has given us."
Donkey took this moment to take in on what Shrek just said. He is right. You should always count your blessings and be grateful to God, especially when he blessed him to have new owners/best friends who were kind enough to take him in. A smile has grown on his face as he takes it all in. Through the last few hours of sunshine, all three started to talk about random things to pass the time until dinner is ready.
Once the sun came down with the full moon making its place in the sky, all three sat down at the small long table near the nice warm fire that has a pot over it containing their dessert of chocolate-covered random insects. Jason and Shrek looked down at their food as it smelled so great while Donkey looked disgusted at the sight.
"Well happy anniversary, Jason." Shrek smiled proudly.
"Same goes to you too, Dad." Jason smiled back while grabbing his fork and knife. "I've got you a few gifts for you, Dad. They're in my room closet."
"Oh, why, thanks, son." Shrek picked up his homemade ogre-style martini to take a few sips. "You sure know how to appreciate me."
"Yeah, I know that feeling," said Donkey, looking at his food in delight.
Without further ado, Shrek reached up to his right ear and pulled out his own ear wax candle, and set it down at the table before lighting it. Next, all three began digging into their meal and enjoyed every bite of it. Jason chewed happily as the meal itself was delicious and enjoying the anniversary. The only thing that was missing was something even Shrek knew all too well. Which was a woman figure in the house. That's right, a woman figure. Shrek has always wanted a wife over the years but yet to find one due to the no whereabouts of any female ogres in their region.
Shrek noticed where his son's eyes were looking at and sighed, "It will only get worse when you think on it, Jason."
Jason looked back at his father and said with slight sadness, "Sorry. Just think that having a mom in the house would be a good thing for the two...er...I mean three of us."
"Your pet doesn't need a mom," Shrek said plainly.
"Exactly. Because I don't remember my mom or old man. In fact, this one time when I was working for my ex-owner, an old female donkey claimed to be my mother...", Donkey got interpreted from Shrek's frustrated sigh.
"Oh, great. Now, we got him started," said Shrek, before pouring himself some more martini in his glass.
"Donkey is now considered as part of our small family," informed Jason, while listening to his new best friend.
Donkey continued talking up a storm which made Shrek irritated while hoping that the animal will accidentally bite his own tongue. Unfortunately, that did not happen for Shrek's sake. It resulted in having the whole dinner ruined by Donkey's endless chattering and had both Shrek and Jason go to bed and go rest their heads. Shrek told Jason that he'll open his gifts first thing tomorrow before bidding goodnight to his son. Jason said goodnight to his dad before letting himself and Donkey into his room. Donkey looked around in both excitement and wonder when looking inside of Jason's room.
"Say, that is a pretty nice collection you've got here, J.," said Donkey.
Jason turned to face his new pet/friend after getting readying his bed to share with him. He looked to where Donkey was eyeing at and can not help but smile at his black shelf that contained his small collection of silver metal scale models.
"Oh, you like it?. Yeah, I started collecting unique scale models when I was little. My first one is the scale model of that small windmill. My dad got me that one as it was the very first and only silver metal scale model he had growing up. It means the world to me. I've been trying to search for more rare unique scale models since certain ones are once of a kind. You see, I have a book that has all the listed scale models by picture, the name of the designer, its money value, and class status." said Jason, getting underneath his bed.
Donkey jumped on his side of the bed and said in curiosity, "Class Status?."
"It means what category do they belong in from common to ultra-rare. All of mine are common and worth five silver chillings per model. I'm not interested in the money I just want the bragging rights of having a complete entire collection.", explained Jason.
"Wooooow.", said Donkey, "How many are there to collect?. You have got to tell me."
"Mmmm, it is over a thousand.", said Jason, being grateful for having someone besides himself and his dad for having an interest in collecting scale models.
Once Jason had felt the power of fatigue running through his whole body, he lay down on his pillow and started snoozing right away with Donkey joining him. All three slept peacefully without a single worry or care as nothing can disturb their precious hours of good sleep.
TAP! TAP! TAP!
Shrek woke up after hearing the small noise and got out of his bed. Stretching his arms, Shrek opened his door and stick his head out to have a look at the hallway. At that moment, he did not spot anything that will make such a noise. It was weird to have something like that in his and his son's house but he did not let it bug him for a second.
"Odd.", Shrek shrugged his shoulders and return to his room with the door closed.
TAP! TAP! TAP!
However, the second time around it caused Shrek to completely get out of his room and go investigate the source of the unwanted noise. Before he could reach the kitchen he heard Jason's room door open and out came the teen with his freshly polished bludgeon in hand.
"Are you hearing the same noise as I am?." asked Shrek, whispering to keep their convention between each other.
Jason nodded while holding his bludgeon tightly, "Yes, sir, I have. I think we have unwanted guests in our house. It is probably that village mob again trying to get another shot at attempting to catch you."
Shrek his head as they two started slowly making their way to the kitchen, "I highly doubt that, Jason. There is no way on god's green earth that those same mob from yesterday returned to attempt it the second time. And if so, then they are asking for a death wish."
As the two have reached the kitchen they started searching the place for any signs of someone being there. So far they did not see anything out of place in the kitchen or dining table. They looked both top to bottom and still could not find anything. It made the ogre father and human black son confused as to what was going on. They could not have imagined that tapping noise as both of them did hear it twice. Seeing that it might have been all in their heads they started to prepare to return to their rooms.
"Want to get a midnight snack before returning to bed, Jason?.", Sherk roamed in the icebox and pull out anniversary leftovers, and began heating it up.
"Sure why not," said Jason, taking out some sources and setting them down.
It did not take much time for Shrek to heat up their leftover dinner as he set the food on the table and pull himself a seat. Jason joined his dad and grabbed a spoon to dig himself a scoop of homemade green mosh pudding for dessert.
"Well let us try eating our meal without any dis..."
TAP! TAP! TAP!
"The noise sounds like it's right in our close surroundings," said Jason, putting his pudding down and started looking under the table.
Shrek put his knife and fork and he too searched underneath with an irritated grumble, "We better found the source before I lose it."
The two searched together as the tapping noise were getting closer and closer by the second. Eventually, the sound of the noise was coming from above or say on the table. Because both Shrek and Jason have heard someone talking to someone and quickly got up underneath the table, and found the intruder who happens to be small white male mice. A blind white mice with black shades and a blind stick at that. To Shrek, he sees an intruder in his house on his whole swamp and some forest property and is furious. For Jason, he looked at the blind mouse and sworn that this could be the same blind mice in one of his favorite childhood fairy tale books.
"Hey, excuse me, little fella, but, aren't you one of the members of the three blind mice brothers?. You know, the three blind mice from the children's fairytale story.", Jason asked just to be very sure before raising his hopes up.
The blind mice heard the teen's question as he faced Jason and said politely, "Why yes, I am one of the brothers of the three blind mice, young man. Are you a fan?."
Jason grinned wide, "Absolutely!."
Shrek sighed, "Son you play fanboy later, right now, we have an unwanted guest."
The blind mice turned his head to the left and said, "Oh, you must be not only the man of the house but also the father of this young man. Say, I hope you don't mind for me and my brothers to build a home in one of your walls. Because a mouse-sized hole in the wall is the closest thing we have to from our old home on the farm."
Just before Shrek or Jason could say anything next, the two have instantly spotted other blind mouses who one of them has sat down on leftover meal and began bouncing on it.
"Well, I tell you, one thing brother, this place does feel welcoming and positive." said one of the blind mice, before jumping down on top of the handle of the spoon that Jason's pudding that was on top of a fallen down bottle of crushed black pepper seasoning.
The mosh pudding flew out of the spoon and made contact with Shrek's face who gasped in shock and got more upset. Jason can only watch as he has no idea what to do at this moment. He does not know whether he should take control of this situation for his father's sake or just stay in a child's place and let his old handle this issue. Either way, it was going to end up the same.
"What a lovely bed. I bet you can not find any mattress like this one in this area. I'm assuming that this mattress was delivered from a famous best-selling mattress factory from Far Far Away. It's truly amazingly comfortable!." said the other blind mouse.
Shrek quickly snatched the mice that were bouncing on his and his son's leftover meal, "Ha, I gotcha!. Huh?."
Suddenly instead of Shrek having the mice in his hand, it was empty. Jason looked and saw the mouse, "Uh, Dad?. His on your right shoulder."
Shrek looked to his right and saw that his son is right. There on his right shoulder stood the blind mice who is currently sniffing his ear and grinned at his so-called discovery.
"Hey, my brothers, I think I found ourselves some fresh cheese!." said the blind mice, before taking a bite of Shrek's ear., "Blah!. This cheese has gone to the bad. And not in a good way either."
"That's not cheese that is my dad's ear!.", Jason spoke after his dad yelled out in pain and before grabbing the mice from harm.
"I'm going to turn you into my famous mouse and dumplings!.", Shrek grabbed both the mouses off the table by the tails.
"Now, you see what you have just done, Gorder?. You just assaulted one of our hosts." said the blind mice in Jason's hand.
"How did you know that I did it?. Don't tell me that your blindness is going away. Why it's a holy miracle!.", the blind mice cheered for joy.
"Enough!. Silence!. Now, I'm going to ask you three just this once. What are you doing in my and my son's house?." demanded Shrek, before feeling something big pushed his back and instantly dropped the two mice in the process.
Jason gasped in shock as to what his eyes were seeing. There on the table is a glass cover coffin that contained what was supposed to be none other than a sleeping Snow White. He looked and see it was her plus seeing all seven dwarfs behind the clean coffin to confirm it is indeed the same people. The seven dwarfs looked at both Shrek and Jason for a few seconds before nervously waving at them. Jason, who was taught to be polite and considerate, nervously smiled at them before waving back. Shrek, however, was the complete opposite. He shook his head in refusal and did not like what he is seeing.
"Oh, no, no, no, no.", Shrek got his hands on the coffin that a current sleeping Snow White., "Dead broad off the table!. The only thing that we want to see dead on this table is what we eat on our plates."
Jason scratched his head in confusion. He watched his dad and the dwarfs play 'Push-The-Sleeping-Princess-In-The-Box' game as he can not figure out on why the fact that Snow White is even back to sleep and in her box. Jason could have sworn that her story ended happily after receiving true love's first kiss in the book and now started to question the stories for the first time in his life.
"Uh, quick question. I thought that the prince has freed Snow White from her potential forever slumber by true love's first kiss. So...why is she back in slumber?."
The leader of the seven dwarfs answered, "Easy. The prince was not committed to Snow and the spell returned without any mercy. He was more of a hustler and less of a devoted man. A life lesson for you boy, treat and love a girl the way that you wanted to be treated and loved."
The second in charge of the seven dwarfs looked at Shrek and said, "And as for this?. Putting Snow White on the table was not our first choice. We wanted her to be in that big bed but it is already taken."
"Say what?.", both Shrek and Jason asked with an eyebrow raised in confusion.
"Which bed?. The one that has a sleeping donkey on it or the master bedroom?.", asked Jason, now getting involved in the conversation.
"What donkey?.", all seven dwarfs asked.
"This donkey.", Donkey pokes his head through the window with a smile on his face.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait. How did you get out there and we did not see you enter or exit the house?.", Shrek questioned in curious interest.
"A donkey never reveals its amazing secrets," said Donkey, grinning big.
"I'm going to see who is in the back.", Jason walked back to the hallway with his dad close behind.
The two marched their way to the master bedroom and open the door to find themselves a wolf dressed in a grandma nightgown. The wolf was reading one of Jason's books that were ironically telling the story about the little red riding hood. The wolf glanced from the book to see Shrek and Jason looking at him before looking back at the book for a second.
"Fun fact about this story. The little red riding hood is actually my adopted daughter who the social worker aka 'the grandma' had taken her away from me saying it's not normal or natural for any fairy tale creature to care and raise a normal human. And so I did what my instinct has told me. I went to the social worker's house and ate her piece by piece and took my daughter back. As for me wearing this dress?. Well, on that same day I reclaimed my daughter it was her birthday and her silly wish is for me to forever wear the social worker's nightgown. I know it sounds ridiculous but it is what it is. Plus, the mom in the story happens to be my wife...who happens to be a beautiful human...and black beautiful human." said Wolf, before returning back to his reading.
Jason looked stunned and absolutely slightly scarred, "Well, Dad, there goes my childhood. Those fairytale storybooks are lies."
"After hearing what he just said, I too have lost innocent childhood. But that still doesn't mean that I am going to let you stay in my bed," said Shrek, grabbing the wolf with an attitude and exit his room.
"Hey, drop it!."
Shrek stopped by Jason's door and saw his son snatch his royal fool scale model out of Red Riding Hood's hands, and guide her out of his room by carrying her on his shoulder.
"My models are not toys, Red Riding Hood," said Jason, following his dad to the front door.
"My name is Ivy. Want to be my best friend/roommate?." asked Ivy, with hope in her eyes.
Jason set the little girl down, "Yes for being your best friend and no for being my roommate. Age differences."
"Jason?!. Son?!."
Jason heard his dad outside and quickly ran outside and stopped beside him to see what both concerned and surprised the ogre. There outside was a big outdoor camp filled with homeless fairytale creatures who were not pleased to be in their current situation. The two saw an area of where the soup kitchen is located as they a few people with bowls in their hands and then saw a few of them setting up multiple tents for singles and families. Jason can not believe what he is seeing. He is seeing groups of multiple fairytale characters in the front of his home for what reason is temporarily unknown and can not understand why here in the swamp of all places. As for Shrek, he had only one question that is on his mind and did not mind sharing it to the rest.
"What are you all doing in my and my son's swamp?!!!!!!!!!.", Shrek yelled out in anger.