Chapter Seventeen

Edward parked in his usual space behind the Bistro, but instead of going straight in, he stared at the picture of him and Bella he'd used as his lock screen. She was sitting on his lap, her fingers in his hair, her head leaning against his. The smiles on both their face were nothing short of pure and utter happiness. She was amazing and beautiful. He had been so sure once he'd told her the truth, she would have bailed. Nobody else would have stayed. Or that's what he told himself.

When Emmett first told him about the tumor, Edward grieved. All the counseling sites said it was normal when facing the end of one's life, but it hit him harder than he'd expected. He'd survived losing his parents, but facing his own mortality hadn't been something he'd been prepared to deal with.

Neither had meeting the love of his life.

It wasn't fair that he found her when his time was ending, not to him, and especially not to her. Bella had gone through too much for him to be just one more man hurting her, but he couldn't seem to get the courage to let her go.

Edward was startled when someone banged their fists on his window, causing him to jump. Glaring, he threw his door open, stepped out, and slammed it shut. "What the fuck, Jasper?"

"What the fuck, indeed? Where the hell have you been, man? I haven't heard shit from you in almost a week." Jasper gripped the back of his neck. "How'd your appointment go?"

"It went," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"It went? That's all you've got to say? Has it grown?"

"I don't know. I go back in a few days to get the results."

"Oh."

Edward nodded before heading toward the Bistro but stopped when Jasper grabbed his arm. "Dude, not today."

"I'm worried about you."

"Well, don't because I'm fine."

"Like hell you are," he scoffed. "Is it Bella?"

"What? No, of course not."

"Hmm," he hummed. "Not what I hear?"

"And what do you hear?"

"Heard she moved in with you."

"Where did you hear that?"

"Doesn't matter."

"It does." Edward narrowed his eyes. "Oh, my God, it was her friend Alice, wasn't it?"

Jasper pressed his lips together.

"You're dating her?"

"No," he scoffed. "I wouldn't call it dating."

"Then what would you call it?"

"We're . . . This isn't about me and Alice."

"Well, it's not about me and Bella, either."

And again, Edward started to walk away, but stopped when Jasper said, "She told me about her dad."

He didn't turn around, though.

"Did you know he almost killed her? Spent his life beating her until she almost died by his hands?"

"I do."

"And does she know that you're dying?"

Edward's head fell forward.

"Shit, man, she does, doesn't she?"

"Yes." He turned around. "Yes, she does."

"No wonder she's losing her shit."

"Shut the fuck up," Edward snarled, grabbing the front of his shirt and slamming him against the truck.

"What the fuck, Ed?"

"I'm sorry." Edward released him and took a step backward. "I'm sorry. I . . . Just don't talk about her like that. She's . . . Just don't."

"Okay. I'm sorry. I won't."

Edward blew out a thick breath. "I love her, Jasper. I love her so fucking much. I know I should cut her loose, let her go, but I . . . I can't. Just the thought of not having her in my life hurts so fucking much."

"But it's going to hurt her more when you die."

"I know. I do, but . . . I can't, Jay. I . . . I can't lose her."

"I don't know what to say. You're being selfish, Ed. Letting her get close just to make her watch you die."

"Well, life isn't fair, is it? If it were, I wouldn't have a tennis ball size tumor sucking the life out of me, would I?"

—WSHB—

Edward was lying across the couch with a cold rag over his eyes when he heard the door to his apartment open. Grabbing the cloth, he tossed it onto the floor and looked over as Bella walked in. She smiled before kicking off her shoes and laying on top of him. She reached down and picked up the cloth to dab his forehead.

"Head hurting?"

"No more than usual. How was the bar?"

"Busy." She sat up so she had one leg on either side of him. "I went to see Alice when I got off."

"How'd it go?"

"It went," she said, shrugging. "I think she's angrier that I didn't tell her I was seeing you than she is that I'm actually seeing you. Does that make sense?"

"It does. Why didn't you tell her when we started hanging out? Just asking, no judgment, I promise."

Bella sighed. "Because I met you at R&R, and she hates that I work there, hates anyone who goes inside there, and thinks any guy who would pick up a girl in a bar is just looking to get laid."

"That's . . . presumptuous of her. I usually try to get laid at the library."

Bella laughed.

"Sorry, that's a lie. It's the grocery store. What can I say? The produce aisle turns me on."

"You're such a dork."

"I'm your dork."

"That you are." Bella leaned down and kissed him. "How was the Bistro?"

"It was about the same. My friend Jasper thinks I'm an asshole. He's not wrong."

"Because you haven't been there in a few days? Does he know that you're sick?"

"He does."

"Then why . . ." She nodded. "Oh. Because of me."

"No, not because of you."

Bella rolled her eyes and tried to stand, but he tightened his arms around her. "Edward."

"I'm comfortable."

She smiled. "He thinks you're an asshole because you're still seeing me even though you're dying."

"Basically."

"Is he right?"

"Yes." Edward grinned. "But it doesn't change how I feel."

"It should."

"No, it shouldn't," he disagreed. "Unless . . ."

"Unless you've changed your mind."

"Not my mind, but yours."

"Nope."

"I don't deserve you."

"We'll just have to disagree on that one," Bella said as she wiggled out of his arms and stood. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"To bed." She laughed. "I'm exhausted, love."

"Me too."

—WSHB—

Edward did his best to avoid Jasper over the next few days. Once Bella left for the bar, he'd head off to the Bistro and busied himself with invoices and spreadsheets, anything to keep his mind occupied. But on Tuesday, his mind was on one thing and one thing only.

His latest test results.

He would be lying if he denied that Emmett hadn't sparked a bit of hope inside him. A chance, he told himself. Maybe not a cure or a miracle, but more time with Bella, at least. Time. That's what he was desperate for.

"Are you sure you want me to go with you?"

"Yes!" Edward exclaimed. "Why? Do you not want to?"

"No, not really," she confessed. "But it's only because being inside that office is just a reminder that our time together is limited."

Edward nodded. "Would it help if I bought you ice cream after?"

"Bribery, Mr. Masen? Really?"

"Did it work?"

Bella grinned. "Yes."

"Thank God," he chuckled, bringing his hand to her face. "I do appreciate you coming."

"I know." Bella turned and kissed his palm. "But for the record, I want two scoops, not one."

"Oh, a counteroffer. Okay, I see how you are."

"Just going after what I want."

"You drive a hard bargain, Ms. Swan, but I accept."

Bella laughed, slipping her hands into his. "God, you're such a dork."

"The dork you love?"

"The dork I love."

They arrived at the doctor's office fifteen minutes early. Tanya waved as she spoke to someone on the phone but gestured for them to take a seat in the waiting room. Edward draped his arm around Bella's shoulders, feeling how tense and rigid she was. Just one more reminder of how selfish he truly was being by tying her to a life of pain with him.

"Edward," Tanya called. "Doctor McCarty will meet you in his office."

"Thanks," he replied, slipping his hand in with Bella's as the two walked across the waiting room, down the hallway, and into Emmett's office.

They had barely sat when the door opened, and Emmett hurried in, tossing a file onto his desk before falling into his chair.

"You don't look too good there, doc," Edward quipped.

"Long, long night, Edward." Emmett opened his file. "The tumor hasn't grown."

He nodded. "That's good, right?"

"It is. It's really good, actually. My colleague has agreed to access you for himself and see if you're a good candidate for his procedure."

"He has, has he? Who said I was interested?"

Emmett smiled. "Don't bullshit me, son. You wouldn't be here if you weren't interested."

"Touche, doc." Edward leaned forward. "But it is worth it? If all it gets us is a few more months, is it worth it?"

"It's not months anymore."

Edward's eyes widened. "You said —"

"I know what I said, but after getting a better look at your latest scans, Edward, he thinks he can remove all of it."

"Really?" Bella asked.

"Let's not get too excited," Emmett cautioned. "He's going to want to run more tests, get an MRI, another CAT Scan, some blood tests to make sure that the cancer hasn't spread. And there are risks."

"But there's a chance, that's what you're saying, isn't it? . . . That there is a chance that they could remove all of it? That . . . that he could live?"

"Yes."

Bella smiled and looked at Edward, who closed his eyes. "Why aren't you more excited about this?"

"Because it's too good to be true," he replied, turning to her. "God, I want it to be true, Bella, I do, but . . . I just don't want to get my hopes up and then be disappointed."

"Guess that makes sense," she whispered.

"Edward," Emmett said, causing them to look at him. "If I didn't think this was worth pursuing, I wouldn't be suggesting it. You know that."

He nodded.

"Let's just schedule an appointment and see what he says."

"I guess we can do that."

"Okay. I'll get it taken care of and let you know." Emmett stood. "It's okay to be scared, but it's also okay to hope. Your folks wouldn't want you to give up this easy, and you know I'm right about that."

Again, he nodded.

"I'll call you when I get the appointment. It'll probably be soon, so be ready."

"I will. Thanks."

Edward slipped his hand into Bella's as the two once again walked out of his office, and to the elevator. Once they were inside, he pressed the button for the first floor and leaned against the wall.

"He knew your parents?"

Edward smiled. "He and my dad grew up together, best friends for as long as I can remember. Used to come out to the ranch and help us during branding season. His wife, Rosalie, and my mom were in the accident together. Neither survived. Emmett . . . Well, he struggled with losing her and blamed my mom because she was the one driving. It didn't matter that the roads were icy, that the driver in the other car didn't know how to drive on ice. Dad never forgave him — never forgave himself, either. But when the headaches started, and I realized they weren't migraines, I knew Emmett would be honest with me."

"Oh," Bella said, biting the inside of her kip.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Bella, what is it?" Edward questioned as he looked at her thoughtful expression.

"It's nothing. I just . . . I mean, if there's a chance, you should . . . we should try, right?"

"Yeah, definitely."

"Then why does it feel like you've already given up?" she asked.

"Because I had." Edward placed his hands on her hips. "Until I met you, I had."

"Edward," she whispered.

"I'll make you a deal, sweetheart. I'll talk to whoever Emmett wants me to. I'll let them run all the tests, and do any procedures they want, but I need something from you in return?"

"A triple dip ice cream?"

Edward laughed, bringing his hand up to the side of her face. "Way better than ice cream."

"What's better than ice cream?"

"Marrying you."

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