138: Protecting Children is Important

Mash Kyrielight

The day of the briefing for Singularity F began just like every other one in my life. I showered, put on my clothes, and ate breakfast with no particular feelings. I meandered through sterile white corridors under harsh white lighting searching for Fou-kun, passing other Chaldea staff members in silence.

The sky was clear outside, and I saw one or two people stopping to watch the 'sunrise'. I didn't bother. It wasn't real, after all. It was the middle of July; the Sun wouldn't rise in Antarctica for some time yet. The light in the sky was simply illusion magecraft designed to keep the staff's mental health stable.

That was how I had always viewed Chaldea. A pale facade of normalcy papered over an inhuman design.

Saying that I hated it would probably be an exaggeration. Mash Kyrielight didn't really understand that emotion at the time, after all. Maybe that meant the emotion was always there, and I had never noticed - but I think I'd prefer to believe I never felt much one way or another. I didn't judge Chaldea, but I did understand it for what it was - a gathering of the most abnormal people in the world, for one of the most abnormal tasks possible.

That was fine, for them. That was just perfect, for those 'gathered' to this place. But for me, who had been born in this place, it was-

-I saw him.

A common, everyday absurdity. A boy sleeping where he wasn't supposed to, with Fou-kun snoozing on top of his chest.. For anyone 'normal', I'm sure it would have just been a silly anecdote. Something they took note of, and then ignored without much comment.

For me, it was exhilarating.

This was, after all, my first time actually seeing someone with their guard down.

That's what made me hope that Natsuki Subaru could be the Senpai I had been longing for. The one who would finally be able to demonstrate to me what a 'normal' human looked like. It was just that first impression, in the end. That's what made me believe in him - and despite everything else that would follow, it's why I kept making excuses.

Even if he had been to another world, the protagonists of Isekai stories were normal people, so it was fine. Even if he could cast a little bit of magic, or make contracts with spirits, he was only a basic mage at the end of the day, so it was fine. Even if he had a strange ability to see the future, it was fine-!

It was only near the end of the first day in this singularity that the poison started to drip into my heart.

"Ah, by the way, you guys don't have someone named Fujimaru Ritsuka with you at Chaldea, right?" The self-proclaimed Mysterious Archer N - who I'd later know as Oda Nobunaga - asked suddenly as we were boarding Jason's ship.

I shook my head. "I don't know anyone with that name… but there are a lot of people on Chaldea's rosters, so-"

She waved me off. "No, you'd know him if he was around. He's normal enough that you'd latch onto him in an instant… actually, you calling a wacky guy like Subaru 'Senpai' probably should have clued me in."

Then, she wandered off to shout at those ridiculous oarswomen, and I was left to stand there, with a terrible sense of vertigo, and a feeling like I wanted to throw up.

From there, the occasional anecdote kept drifting through my ears. Of a Senpai I'd never known, someone with no background in magic at all, someone for whom my shield was never in doubt, because I was the only one he could count on, and all he could offer in response was emotional support. A boy who was not an impossible, invincible hero; a boy who did not exist in this world.

And so, the second night found me.

Thunder rumbled in the distance like an unending series of complaints as warm water ran down my face. The wind, still tossing the ship to and fro, wasn't enough to move my hair anymore, weighed down by water as it was. Even so, the rain continued to drum against my face and outstretched arms, as if there was some part of me that it still had yet to reach.

Intellectually, I realized this was a strange thing to do, but somehow it felt right. I was enjoying - no, that's the wrong word. It was a compulsion. That's all. A strange, irresistible drive to stand in the middle of this tropical storm, in some vague hope that the warmth of the rain could melt the chunk of ice that was forming in my heart.

"What's up, Mash? Can't sleep?" Nobunaga asked, materializing behind me.

"Nobunaga," I simply said her name in response, to acknowledge her existence. For some reason, I didn't feel like saying much else for a few moments.

…

Eventually, words found me. "I don't know… if I'll learn to be normal from Senpai. Like the Mash of your world learned from hers."

"Huh?" She tilted her head a bit, and I regretted the question already. "That's not the case, really. I mean, no matter the world, you're kind of a total weirdo, Mash."

Ah.

"I mean, that's to be expected. I don't think there's such a thing, really, as an 'ordinary person'. I called Ritsuka 'normal', before, and I guess he was at some point, by the standards of his era and upbringing… but that's just the bias of the modern world. The people of my era would see him as a madman," The Archer said. "That was before he met hundreds of the heroes of humanity - by this point, they've worn off on him, and if you met him now, he definitely would be even less the 'Senpai' you've been searching for than Natsuki Subaru is."

I think I understand.

"To be honest, your whole fixation on 'being human' is completely backwards," Nobunaga said with a shrug. "You're copying other peoples' homework, trying to find a baseline for yourself, but that's really a moot point. Feelings, aspirations, humanity… they come from the heart, not from the intellect. Even if you visit the outside world with someone normal for you to copy the reactions of… you can't learn to be human from them, because you already are."

I understand, now-

"Nobunaga… I think I hate you, actually," I admit.

"Wahahaha! That's super normal, Mash!" She just laughed in response. "Hating someone who wants to deconstruct your worldview is the most normal, human thing in the world!"

"-And that's why you made that call, earlier," King David says as I conclude my story, the now old man stroking his beard. "To disconnect Nobunaga from Chaldea's system, I mean."

"No, that's…" I trail off, gritting my teeth. "No, it was just…"

"Well, you had an excuse," He says with a shrug. "And with her Independent Action providing for her, in the end there was no harm done. Even so… I would not take even the aspiration to sin lightly. Repentance is a painful process."

A chance to change the subject comes, and I take it without hesitation. "Um, on that note, your current form…"

He nods. "You're a smart girl. That's right, this new body is 'David, the Repentant King' - as opposed to 'David the Upstart Youth', who you met before."

"Ah, and since your Noble Phantasm's invocation contained words about repentance-" I mutter.

"I'm no longer permitted to do things like flirting with girls old enough to be my granddaughter," He chuckles. "In hindsight, it's quite the acceptable trade; sin is only appealing when one is chained down by it. But it's for that same reason that my Archer self will find it so difficult to use [Sacrifice]. Enough about me, though, let's return to your problems Mash."

Ah, I thought I had-

"Fooled me? You can't distract me so easily, Mash; Clairvoyance aside, I am old enough to be your Grandfather," He chuckles, before growing serious. "Actually, you should definitely call me 'Papa' or 'Ojii-chan' or something similar. I'm demanding it, in fact."

My wrist communicator beeps, and springs to life. "What part of your perversion is gone again!?" Doctor Romani shouts, pointing at him.

Wait, he was watching!? No, even more than that, was the entire staff-!?

"Wait, Mash, don't panic! Once you started getting personal with your recap, I had the Director isolate things so only I could watch!" The Doctor says. "Though that still leaves the question of why you went to this guy of all people instead of me…"

That's a good question, one I don't really have an answer to, other than… "He… seemed kind of grandfatherly, I suppose." King David immediately fist pumps in response to my admission, even as the Doctor buries his face in his hands. Naturally, I deal the finishing blow without hesitation. "And there's no way I could talk to you about this kind of thing, Doctor."

As he groans, King David speaks again. "Romani, there's some things that a young girl isn't comfortable sharing with her father, so don't take it too harshly," He says gently. "But, Mash, you should be more gentle towards him. You might regret this kind of treatment, one day - kids usually do."

…I pause and contemplate for a moment, but-

"That won't happen, because I'll die long before Doctor Roman does," I say simply.

I see him cringe and look away, but I don't feel any particular-

"Don't!" Doctor Romani shouts, and King David freezes, inches away from slapping me.

A tense silence follows.

"...You can't do that anymore, King David," Romani says. "That would have been a gentle treatment in your era, where children could be killed for disrespecting their parents, but… people don't do that anymore."

"-Forgive me," The ancient king says after a moment. "I was out of line."

"...I don't mind," I admit. If anything, this strange warmth in my chest, after seeing the doctor shout in my defense is…

"You should," David says. "Humans are meant to fear pain. You'll find that anywhere."

And so what? A memory of a certain man, breaking my fingers one by one, flashes through my mind. The fact is, Mash Kyrielight does not fear pain. "That would just be a shallow imitation."

"There's nothing shallow in imitation, really," David says. "Humans measure all of their desires by imitation. We long for that which others long for, because copying is how we learn." He gives a gentle smile, and lays a hand on the top of my head, tossing my hair. "Don't let the self-proclaimed 'Fool of Owari' give you too much advice. You're learning to be human in the most human way of all. Just don't overthink it so much, is all."

As the conversation dies down, Romani Archaman groans and pinches his brow. "Clairvoyance, huh… since he's a prophet, I guess?"

'Does he know? He must, with all these hints he's tossing around.' He thinks to himself. 'Still, acting like he was going to slap her so I could intervene and look cool…'

"I don't need that kind of service, you shitty old man…"