Wilson's Journal

by beatifulses

In this work, I tried to convey Wilson's experiences in Constant in a diary form from Wilson's eyes. I would also like to state that I interpret the characters and events according to myself. Some events come from my own gaming experience. I haven't played the game for a very long time, so I may have mistakes in some parts. Feel free to point them out!

23. DAY 25?

What is happening? What isn't happening? I don't know anymore... I—we... are all mad here, aren't we? Just like in the books. A mad scientist, like good ol' Frankenstein, bringing his own monsters to life—except, this time, the monsters... they're mine. And they're real. Oh, so very real. They whisper to me, laugh at me—Don't dare! Don't dare to laugh at me! I am better than you! A disappointment?! Me?!Self-claimed scientist?! Not a genius?! Stop! Stop mocking with me! I... HHAHAHAHA. Oh how funny. You know they came for me last night. The dark creatures... shadows that are no longer just figments of my imagination. I thought I was done for, thought they'd consume me whole—but oh, no, I'm still here, still kicking, still... fighting. Fighting, yes, because I can fight them now. Funny, isn't it? The more broken I become, the better I get at it. Madness has a strange way of sharpening things—your reflexes, your instincts. And because I realized. I AM better than everything. They are just mindless creatures while I am the definition of intelligence!

Oh, how they shrieked and swiped at me, those... things. That goddamn things... But I fought back. I didn't run. Not this time. No, no, no... I danced with them—like a puppet on strings, but I was the one pulling them! Ha! Take that, you miserable wretches! You think you can break me? Hah! I've already been broken. I was broken even before coming here!What's one more crack can do?

Frankenstein's monster had it easier, I think. He didn't have shadow beasts crawling out of the ground, trying to gnaw at his mind. No, no, he just had an angry mob with pitchforks. Me? I get invisible horrors, voices, laughter—oh, the laughter! It's so... funny. I am funny. NO I AM NOT! Isn't it funny? A scientist, reduced to fighting his own madness, swinging at shadows like a lunatic in the dark. Oh, yes... it's hilarious. Or not?

Death, death, death... how many times now? Twice, thrice? What does it matter? Dead is dead, but I'm not dead; yet. Not completely. Just... mostly. What a rythm! Maybe I should have been a poet! I think I've been dead ever since I woke up here. I mean, really, who survives after freezing to death? And yet here I am, stitched back together by the threads of insanity, a patchwork man—Frankenstein, meet Wilson. Maybe I should write a paper on it. A proper scientific study! "The Effects of Repeated Death on the Human Psyche." I'm sure it would be a smash hit. Hah. Smash. Like my mind. Pieces, pieces, everywhere. Maybe the nightmare creatures can find them for me. Hey can you find them for me? Perhaps I should ask politely. Maybe they can find it for me? Or maybe not. They're not very... friendly. They were all rude too me! Not the Koalefant. It was helpless. Wait! But neither am I. Not anymore. I killed them too! And they killed me! HAHAHAHA.

Death really does have a sense of humor, doesn't it? But I beg to differ! My puns are better than death's! But well, I've died twice, and yet I'm still here, kicking up dust like a stubborn weed. "Can't kill a man who's already dead!" I should put that on my tombstone—except I don't think I'll ever get one. The skeletons laying around doesn't have one. No, I'm more of the die and rise again type. But the skeletons didn't rise again. Maybe they didn't have a back bone! Hahahaha. Just like the effigy, yes. A Meat Effigy. How fitting. YOU ALL LAUGHED AT ME! But who was right? You can come back from death!

But I digress.The monsters... they're still out there, lurking. They won't leave me alone. They think they can wear me down, make me fall apart. But I've already fallen. There's nothing left to break. I've become something else entirely. A fighter. A survivor. And maybe... just maybe... a little bit crazy. But that's okay. I like being crazy. Crazy feels... good. Crazy people are the best! Since I am the best! And I am crazy! Hahahaha! It makes me sharp. Makes me dangerous. I can see the world now. See its true form. No more illusions, no more lies. Just cold, hard... madness. So let them come. Let the shadows close in. I'm not afraid anymore.

I am Wilson P. Higgsbury. And this... is my masterpiece!