The colony is empty; the colony is cold; and, for some reason, the guy across from her is wearing sweatpants, a hoodie with the hood up, and some kind of gas mask.

He came out of nowhere; one minute she was breaking into the safe of what appeared to be a well-off family, not wholly guilty of hoping for an extra injection of credits, and then she heard a click from behind her. She turned to find a stranger aiming a pistol square between her eyes.

"Hi," he said. "Anything valuable in that safe?"

There multiple ways Tali could have gotten herself out of this, she hadn't been reckless enough to turn off her shields, but she didn't want to start a fight. She'd had enough of those for a lifetime.

"I don't mean you any harm," she said slowly. "You can put that down."

"Why are you here?" the stranger asked.

"That's classified," she said.

The stranger cocked the pistol.

"I'm not here to hurt anyone," Tali said. She carefully got to her feet, which the stranger allowed her to do, although the pistol was still aimed between her eyes. "But it's classified. I'm sorry, but I can't tell you."

The stranger fired the pistol. The sound was loud, unlike any firearm Tali had ever heard, and unfortunately, she had heard many. She ducked and looked behind her to find a bullet hole inches to the right of where her head had been.

"What is wrong with you?!" she yelled.

"If you truly mean no harm," the stranger said. "Then you have nothing to hide. Why are you here?"

"That's classified," Tali said again. "But I promise you, it's nothing bad."

The stranger frowned. "I can do this all day, you know."

"Then I suppose we'll be here for a long time." Tali replied.

For some reason, probably because there was something wrong with him, the stranger laughed.

Yes, they did stand there for a long time. The stranger held her at gunpoint for upwards of half an hour, but Tali maintained her patience. The rest of her team would find her eventually. Ideally after they had found Veetor, so she can get back to theRayyaand sleep for three days. Or maybe four. It was exhausting, all of this.

But the strangest thing? The conversation they had.

After a long space of silence, the stranger said, "My name is James."

"Seriously?" Tali asked.

"It sounds like you have a Russian accent," James said. "But I'm guessing you aren't a communist."

"Communist?" Tali asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Or maybe your accent is Romanian? Czech?" James said. "Are you from Earth? Can aquarians come from Earth?"

"Dirt?" Tali asked. "What're you doing?"

"It's just Smalltalk," James said. "I'd talk about the weather, but y'know. We both know it's snowing."

Tali shook her head. "You're crazy."

"I like to think I'm just keeping up," James shrugged. "Besides, it's only a matter of time before the rest of your guys get here."

"I came here alone," Tali said immediately.

James hummed. "You're a bad liar, Tali'Zorah."

Tali blinked. "How—"

"You're a galactic hero," James said. "You have action figures. And off brand body-pillows."

"Whoareyou?" Tali asked.

James growled, "Your worst nightmare."

Tali didn't dignify that with a response, but James laughed anyways. "Not really. But I am bored. You're boring."

Tali narrowed your eyes. "You're a massive bosh'tet."

"You're bad at cursing, too." James said.

"You're crazy," Tali said again.

But James didn't respond. He glanced behind him, then threw himself to the side. Tali scrambled for her shotgun, and thought she would have him, but he was gone.

From behind her, Kal'Reegar asked, "Tali, what happened? You've been off comms for twenty minutes."

Tali didn't look at him, however. She scanned left, right, and even behind her. How—where did he go?

"Someone is here," she said. "I'll—um, I'll take point."

Kal nearly hid his misgivings, but as he nodded, a tin can landed at his feet, seemingly from nowhere. He frowned, but Tali realized what it was and tackled him to the ground as it exploded.

Tali and Kal had just disentangled themselves before James yelled, "I'll take whatever's in that safe, thanks!" and a bottle came flying toward them. Tali jumped out of the way, but Kal caught it. The rest of her team finally arrived, but Kal said, confused, "It's empty."

Tali looked at it, then turned back to the houses where James had disappeared into. Not a moment later, two flashes, two shots. One of Tali's team slowly falls over, two holes in the visor of his helmet.

"Kori!" Tali said, but Kal quickly pulled her into cover. The rest of her team took up cover, too, but James had seemingly disappeared. They certainly knew where the shot was fired from, and went about investigating in perfect formation, but found nothing. Instead, they heard footfalls behind them, and a figure jumping on top of the roof of a house. The guy noticed them, however, and threw yet another tin can grenade.

"Target sighted! Weapons free!" Kal shouted, but the figure had already jumped off of the building and while some shots caught him, none pierced his shields.

"Keep on him!" Kal said, and they tried, they did, but James ran into a hospital. Tali found herself running blindly after him, to Kal's dismay. But this stranger had held her at gunpoint, killed one of her team. No. She was getting him.

Unfortunately for her, James played dirty. He shut and locked doors, shoved gurneys in front of doorways, and when they went through the cafeteria he went as far as to grab one of the metal trays and chuck it at her. To Tali's embarrassment, the tray actually hit and nearly sent her tumbling to the floor. She could hear her team coming behind her, but no. No, no, no.

Tali abandoned her shotgun and threw herself through the cafeteria exit's double doors, lighting fire across on her shoulders, but she didn't truly feel it. She saw James turn a corner, and this time, he was at a dead end. Tali was drawing her pistol, but James threw another bottle. It landed at her feet and shattered, lighting an actual fire, forcing Tali back and buying him enough time to shoot the window open and throw himself out of it. Tali tried to give chase, but whatever he'd thrown, it made too much fire, and it kept her back. She cursed,

Kal found them another exit, but it was too late. Tali wanted to throw her shotgun out of that stupid window.

While responding to yet another crisis, this one to do with Shepard (naturally) heard athunkto her right, and she rounded on what turned out to be a fallen piece of concrete.

They continued to search for him. House to house, room to room, closet to closet. Tali focused on the task at hand, kept a hold on her anger like Shepard taught her, but in the end, they ended up with nothing but wasted power cells for their flashlights. By the time they had circled back around to Kori, his blood had stopped pooling around him.

Kori had been a marine for two months. Three, perhaps. Tali didn't know, which immediately began to eat at her as Kal crouched down to get a better look at Kori's helmet.

"These holes are too big for any gun I've seen," he said. "And I haven't ever had exploding tin cans thrown at me, either." He looked around to the rest of the team. "Any of you?"

"Pirates, once," one of the marines said. "They weren't well made. Exploded in the hands of whoever tried to throw them, mostly. The ones that landed didn't go off."

"His name is James," Tali said in a monotone. "I think he might be a pirate. He heard the colony was empty and decided to do some looting."

"I'm not sure, ma'am," one of her team said.

"These are…" Kal shook his head. "These are slugs of some kind. He's using antique weapons."

"Antiques?" one of the team asked.

"This looks human," Kal said. "But not a large caliber." He glanced at Kori and frowned. "Obviously not small enough. What should we do, boss?"

Everyone looked to Tali, who blinked, then said, "Um, we keep searching. One of you takes Kori's body back to the shuttle and signal for pickup. The rest of us… well, we need to finish things."

"You've got it, ma'am." Kal said.

The rest of the mission, Tali's stomach couldn't stop churning.

By the end of the day, and Tali never thought she'd ever say it, she thought she might have a nemesis.

It was bad enough that Shepard refused to let them have Veetor, but soon enough, from behind her came James.

He'd drawn his pistol before her or her team.

"What the hell is going on here?" Shepard demanded. She jabbed a finger at James. "Put that thing down."

"They'll kill me," James replied simply. "Tell them to stand down."

Shepard looked between James and Tali. "Tali, is this the guy?"

"Yes," Tali hissed. "He murdered Kori."

Shepard turned back to James and drew her own firearm. James didn't change where he was aiming. He didn't look at Shepard.

"Give me one reason," Shepard said.

"Your boss wants me," Jack said, still looking at Tali. "I was sent here to scout, and I come across an armed woman who won't tell me why she's here because it's 'Classified'." Tali could hear him roll his eyes. "What would you do?"

"It's commander to you," Shepard said. "As your commander, I order you to put that thing down."

"Wasn't talking to you." James said. Then, for some reason, he held up a credit chit. "Thanks for showing me where that safe was, by the way. Payday isn't until next week." he hummed. "I think."

"You're sick," Tali spat.

James shrugged.

Tali glared.

"Stand. Down." Shepard said. "Or I will shoot you."

"Get them to," James said, still not looking at the commander. "And I'm good."

"'Good'?" Kal asked some anger.

"It was a misunderstanding, and we were all carrying," James said. "Kumbaya and all."

"Tali," Shepard asked carefully. "Will your team stand down?"

Tali looked to them. Another one of them had been killed by the security bots, which had them numbering at three. Three out of five. 40% casualties, her team, and…

Tali sighed. "Fine."

Kal didn't seem to judge her, but the remaining marine clearly did, and grumbled as such. Kal told him off, but Tali still felt a little sick to her stomach. When she looked back to Shepard, James had put Shepard's people between her and him.

Shepard turned to James. "Jack, never do that again. I give you an order, you follow an order."

"You said your name was James!" Tali found herself shouting. For some reason, that also stung.

"Like I said," Jack shrugged. "You wouldn't say why you were here."

"You didn't either," Tali said, clipped.

"You didn't ask me," Jack said. "I would've told you. Well, I would've told you a reason."

"Can it, the two of you," Shepard said. She sighed as she turned back to Tali. "Veetor will be back in your custody once we're done with him. I'll make sure he's treated humanely."

"Sure," Tali said. "Whatever. Get out of my face, all of you."

Shepard looked hurt. Tali found that over her with her own troubles, she didn't mind so much. She could feel the eyes of her team on her, however, and that did hurt.

As they went their separate ways, she could hear Jack faintly singing.

"I love coffee, I love tea. I love the java jive and it loves me."

So. I have been here before. I have another of these crossover fics floating around, and it haunts me. Still, I'm giving this another crack. I'm about to finish my English degree, I should have a better grasp on all of this.

If you can't tell, Jack is out of step with the times he finds himself in. Tali is a very normal, well-adjusted person, and Jack is... not. But the layers of that will come later.

This will be a romance, but uh, it's not going to be a typical one. Will these two find true love in each other? Yes. Will it be healthy? Ha, no. But that's what I hope to make engaging for you guys.

It will make me smile if you Follow, Favorite, and tell me what you like here. Cheers.