October 2, 1998
She stared up at the white ceiling and took a moment to gather herself. She didn't have to try to remember these thoughts. She couldn't forget them if she tried. And she had tried. If she didn't remember them during the day, they came to her at night as nightmares.
October 31, 1981
Calandra was just pulling on her cloak when it appeared. A shaggy silver dog wisping through the window.
"They're gone."
His voice broke when he said the word gone. She'd never heard it sound like that in her life. It tore her heart apart as the words finally sunk in.
She knew exactly who he was talking about.
No.
No. It couldn't be true.
She had to go check on him. On them. See for herself. She ran out of the flat, not bothering to set the wards and went running down to the corner where she apparated to Godric's Hollow. She sprinted down the road. It was a clear night, but hardly any people were out. She looked around, a few people peered out of their windows; faces peeking out from behind clutched curtains.
She almost fell over when she saw the house. The house she'd visited so many times. The house she'd helped paint. It was a wreck. Part of it demolished completely.
They're gone. That's what he'd said. He didn't say what had happened. They could've left before the attack. Where was Sirius? He'd obviously already been here if he knew they were gone. Was he with them?
She stepped through the doorway and choked back a sob. James Potter lay at her feet. Black hair messy as ever, glasses askew, face peaceful as if he'd laid down to go to sleep. The charm didn't work. Why didn't the charm work? She knelt beside him, hands shaking. She wanted to hold him, to bring him back, to do something to help. She straightened his glasses. She held his lifeless hand. She felt for a pulse she knew wasn't there and felt tears on her cheeks. She couldn't help him.
Lily. She couldn't help James, but she needed to find Lily. To help her.
She rose and rushed past the doorway to the kitchen down the hall towards the stairs. She took them two at a time hoping and praying she wouldn't find her up here.
She made it to the landing and looked up at the open doorway to Harry's room. She was going to be sick. A figure in a long black cloak lay in the doorway. She stepped over it and saw the pale face and immediately felt bile churn in her stomach.
Her last glimmer of hope died when she saw Lily. Sprawled in front of the crib, red hair fanned out around her, one arm seeming to reach for the small bed. Calandra knelt by her side and cried. She smoothed her hair back and caressed her cheek. She felt like she was dying inside. Her heart broke for her friends; new parents with their whole life ahead of them. Her heart broke for Sirius. His brother ripped away from him.
She looked up at the crib. It was empty; that didn't surprise her. Sirius would have Harry. She needed to find them. She looked back down at her friend. She couldn't just leave them like broken furniture on the floor.
Calandra stood up and went to the dresser next to the crib and pulled out two clean white sheets. She knelt down next to Lily and smoothed her hair out once more. She straightened her jumper and made sure her eyes were closed, then draped the sheet over her. She walked past the figure in the doorway. If she could've stomached touching it, she would've given it a proper thrashing. But she couldn't. She made her way down the stairs and kneeled beside James. She pushed his glasses up his nose and straightened his collar. She smoothed her hand over his hair knowing it wouldn't make it lay flat. She made sure his eyes, like his wife's, were closed and draped the second sheet over him.
"I'm so sorry." she whispered to them. "I'm so sorry. I loved you both so much. He loved you both so much."
She cast a weather protection charm on the house and walked out the door. The ministry would be there soon. Sirius had probably already sent word. They probably wouldn't like what she'd done, but she could always submit memories if they wanted them. It just didn't seem right to leave them like that.
She felt a spattering of raindrops hit her head as she looked around. She had to find him.
She apparated back on the corner where their flat was and ran up the stairs. He still wasn't home. She had to get to him. They had to figure out why the charm didn't work.
She had to think. He'd have taken Harry someplace safe.
She apparated to his Uncle's old house in the country and searched the house. She knew there were wards set up to trick the revealing spells. So she searched the property herself. She searched the guest house and the barn, too. He wasn't there.
She went to Alice's. It was dark there. Then she remembered they'd gone to Frank's mother's place. Sirius didn't know where they went, so she was certain he hadn't gone to them.
She apparated to the forest beside Peter's hideout and ran to the little cottage he was living in. The door was open, and no one was in the house. He wasn't there.
It was nearing morning. She had to find him.
She checked the muggle mechanic shop where Sirius had befriended the welder. He wasn't there.
She apparated to the decoy flat he bought. Not there either.
She took out the bottlecap he'd given her for emergencies and tore off her glove. She felt a jerk behind her navel as soon as her skin touched the metal. She stood in the shrieking shack. So, this is where her portkey went. She looked around the room, but he wasn't there. She went down the tunnel, but it was empty.
She walked outside and looked at the sky.
"Where are you?" she whispered.
Was he safe enough for her to send an owl or a Patronus? Were Death Eaters after them still? He'd taken his bike…they could be anywhere.
She searched everywhere she could think of. Every place magic or muggle that he might hide. Her feet ached and her lungs burned from running so much. She searched well into the day, but it was no use. She couldn't find them.
There was one other place she could go. She knew Sirius was wary. Knew that they'd argued over something and he'd had doubts, but Calandra had to try. She glanced up at the sky. It should be safe enough. She took a deep breath, focused on the spot Lily had mentioned, and apparated to the south forest. She marched into the woods and made her way to the tiny cabin that sat at the edge of the hillside. She walked up the rickety steps and pounded on the door.
"Remus! Remus! Open the door, please."
The door swung open and Remus Lupin stood on the other side, looking tired and wan. He cast an appraising glance over her as she rushed over her next words.
"Remus! Please, I need help. I have to find him."
She was sobbing now. She'd been so worried about Remus for months, and here he was. James and Lily were dead. Sirius was missing. It was all hitting her. Remus just stared at her.
"Didn't you hear me!" she said, her voice rising with each word. "You have to help me find him. You have to help me help him!"
He gave her a cold look, and his voice was acid when he spoke.
"After all he's done, you'd still go to him?"
She winced, thinking back to how hurt she'd been when Sirius left. How she'd gone to Remus looking like death warmed over. Of how he'd never responded to any of her owls after that fight with Sirius.
"Of course. I love him." she said getting ready to tell him everything she'd seen that day, but he barked out a cruel laugh.
"Go home." he said and slammed the door in her face.
"Remus Please! Please!" she begged, beating on the door. "Please, I know you argued, I know you don't want to see me, but please! I have to find him. Please! Please!"
She begged and screamed and pounded the door. She drew her wand and tried to blast it open, tried to jinx the lock, tried everything to open it but he'd warded it too well.
She cried as she ran through the forest and apparated back to London. Grey clouds rolled overhead.
She found herself on the street leading back up to her house when she overheard two people talking in low voices. The words "wand" and "muggle" made her look up and she realized they were wizards. One was a middle-aged man in a green hat and the other an old man with a long white beard.
"Apparently was secretly working for You-Know-Who the whole time." The man in the green hat said.
"Well, what do you expect from a Black." The other murmured.
She stopped, confused. Regulus joining the Death Eaters wasn't a secret. Why would they think it was?
"Straight to Azkaban with him, Crouch said." The old man said, and her blood ran cold.
Regulus was dead, he couldn't be in Azkaban.
That meant.
No.
No. No. No.
She disapparated on the spot, focusing on the apparition point near the North Sea.
Why would they take him? He had nothing to do with Voldemort. The wind whipped her hair around her face as she gazed out at her surroundings. She heard waves crash somewhere off to her right, so she followed the sound. She came upon a rather forlorn beach. Seaweed littered the shore and the grey of the sky met the grey of the ocean, giving the whole scene an overwhelmingly melancholy feeling.
Calandra stumbled down a sand dune and looked out at sea. Fog and mist clouded her vision, but she knew it was out there somewhere. She pushed her hair out of her face as she scanned the horizon. Her vision swam with dreary grey. She had to get to him.
She ran down the long dock and pried up a board. She transfigured it into a boat with her wand and jumped in. She stuck her wand in the water and chanted the speed incantation over and over, willing the little boat to go faster. Farther and farther she went out to sea. The spray from the waves fell against her face as she looked straight into the distance. The mist got thicker. The farther out she went, the colder the air got. She shivered as she felt the water grow icier around her hand.
She strained to see through the heavy fog and felt despair creep through her bones. She shook her head to clear it and kept going into the mist. She was very close. She could feel it. Calandra felt her chest burn as she focused her mind on the prison she knew was out here. She had to find it.
The little boat rocked in the waves and Calandra looked down. She was no longer moving. The boat was just floating there on the stormy water. She gazed out around her, but there was nothing. Of course there was nothing. Azkaban was unplottable.
Calandra let out a scream of frustration and stared at the mist in front of her. It was there. She knew it. She cast revealing charms and tried to apparate in. Nothing. Calandra screamed into the fog. Her throat burned.
"Show yourself!"
All of a sudden, the prison loomed up out of the water in front of her.
She looked up and could see figures on the top landing of that huge stone structure. Dementors with their ragged robes floated, but people were there too. They moved inside.
She had to get to him. She had to.
Her boat knocked against a mooring at the bottom of the prison. She cursed herself and conjured a broom, she should've done that in the first place. She flew up to the precipice where she saw people earlier and found herself standing at a doorway.
She felt the chill of the dementors and shivered. She had to get him out of there. Calandra squared her shoulders and ran inside. Something tugged at her arm so hard it nearly popped her shoulder out of socket. She spun around expecting to find a dementor or some sort of guard, but there was no one. She yanked her arm, but she couldn't enter. Well she could, all except her right hand. She tugged and tugged but it was stuck outside by some invisible force. She looked down and realized it was her wand. She couldn't take her wand with her.
She dropped it, turned around, and ran.
She skirted along the wall and turned towards the hallway where a faint light was coming from. She heard people talking and ran to see who it was.
She burst into a huge corridor with cells all along either side and a cell at the main end. She saw two dementors dragging a person toward the cell at the end of the corridor. He was laughing and sobbing and shaking his head. Black hair fanned and fell into his face with each turn of his head.
The dementors threw Sirius in the cell and the bars clanged shut.
"No!" she screamed, and he looked up, his face showing amazement through the curtain of dark hair.
"No! Expecto Patronum!" she yelled and the dementors faded back at the light that burst out of her outstretched palm.
She ran to him and pulled on the bars.
"I won't let this happen! I love you. I love you." She panted trying to budge the bars.
"What is the meaning of this?" she whirled around and saw Bartemius Crouch at the end of the corridor with Dumbledore not far behind him.
"He is innocent. You can't keep him here. He's innocent!" she cried.
"This man is a murderer and is getting everything he deserves." Crouch roared at her and called for more guards.
"No, No, No, you can't do this. No!" She cried as a wave of iciness crashed over her.
Her heart pumped thickly in her chest as she tried to fight through the despair she felt. Her mother's laugh echoed in her mind and was swiftly replaced by her father's cruel sneer. She was being enveloped by darkness and had to get out.
An icy chill washed over her as she relived drowning in freezing water. Deeper and deeper the chill went into her mind until she thought she'd never be happy again. Crouch stalked towards her and she looked up to see dementors crowding the corridor and the cells around her. She looked back at those grey eyes and she felt like her soul was ripping open.
She felt cold clammy hands wrap around her arms.
"NOOOOOO!" she screamed.
Her voice was like she'd never heard it before, bouncing off the walls of the prison and back to her. It was savage; full of rage, but strangely beautiful. There was an echo of something ethereal to it. Her voice seem to wrench itself from her body and she flung her hands out in front of her. Fire was burning inside her, and she had to get it out. She had to get him out. Blue and silver sparks shot out from her fingertips and spread in wide circle. She saw the dementors fade back and the force of the silver light knocked Sirius back from the bars. She heard the men behind her stumble and fall.
Her voice roared and reverberated against the stone, then cracked. She felt something in her shatter and the wind went out of her.
She could feel her nose bleeding and her eyes were wet, but when she wiped her face a blueish silvery substance came away on her hand. Her hands were shaking, and she was having trouble standing. She fell to her knees and crawled toward Sirius.
"I…Love…You." she gasped.
Her voice. Something was wrong with her voice.
He gazed at her. Pressed his face up to the bars. She could see glittering wisps in the corners of his eyes.
"No, No," she rasped. "I'll get...you out"
She heard Crouch getting to his feet behind her.
"Please," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers through the bars.
She choked out a sob as she reached up and grasped the wisps in her hand. She pressed her lips to his and forced herself to speak.
"Don't you dare...die in here, Black. I...promise I'll -"
"Get away from the prisoner. You'll see him again soon enough, don't worry." Crouch dragged her back.
She fought against him, but something was wrong with her. She couldn't even stand.
She clutched the wisps to her lips and breathed them in. She struggled against Crouch and looked back at Sirius.
"I love you." she managed to croak.
Calandra watched his lips move and she barely caught the words "I love you" before her world went black.