Harry spent the last week of the break in an inconsolable state, he tried to hide it, but those around him could smell the stench of sorrow. It wasn't getting better; time wasn't healing Harry's wounds. It's like time was the knife through his heart slowly ripping the hole bigger and bigger, every day seemed a little worse till Harry just began to feel numb.
What he used to look forward to, going to Hogwarts, he was dreading. How could he keep up with classwork when he could barely keep up with eating? No, he shook his head in denial. He was lying on his bed; he'd lied again to Ron and Hermione that he was catching up on summer schoolwork.
He had to be okay, he had to be. He used all the energy left in his tired bones to sit up. It'd be fine, he'd be fine. He was just a bit of a failure but what sixteen-year-old wasn't? Tomorrow he'd be at king's cross waiting for the train once more. Maybe then everything would return to normalcy. Something in the back of his mind told him it wouldn't be, but for now, he ignored it.
When the day came, Harry ate, brushed his teeth, and showered all within a day. Something that now impressed him, pathetic. He smiled at Ron and Hermione as they stood at the front door waiting for him.
"You look excited!" Hermione said happily. Ron nodded in agreement. Harry's smile became forced. Was he excited?
"Yeah, of course!" Harry said with a cheery tone that didn't feel quite right. But what did feel right these days? The ministry car rolled up to the front of the house to find the three of them standing there with their bags packed. Crookshanks was in his carrier as was Hedwig. Fleur kissed everyone goodbye, except Ron as Ginny tripped him before he could receive his.
Two grim faced Aurors greeted them at king's cross instead of Hagrid, but Harry shouldn't really be surprised. They basically put him in a prison lockdown, it's torture. Soon they were through platform nine and three quarters, and onto the hustle and bustle of it. Crying mothers and their first years also crying mothers and their seventh years.
Harry motioned for Hermione and Ron to find a compartment with him. They looked between each other awkwardly, giving him another one of their rather frequent piteous looks.
"We can't, Harry, remember? We're prefects now." Hermione said nervously. How had Harry forgotten? This is where they'd have to leave him, all alone. Harry had to suck it up, and so he did. He ignored that dull ache that it left him with.
"Oh, yeah." He answered dumbly, trying not to sound hurt. He loaded his stuff onto the train by himself. He shooed away Mrs. Weasley's attempts to help him. He found an empty compartment as it was still relatively early. He was letting himself sit in his misery when suddenly the door opened. He was expecting Ginny or perhaps Neville, maybe Malfoy had come to bother him, but instead long blonde hair tied in a loose tail and those misty eyes greeted him.
Had she grown more? He swore as she grew, he shrank. She clutched a magazine of the Quibbler in her hands like it was gold. A strange pair of spectacles rested on her head.
"Luna?" He questioned like he wasn't sure who she was. He knew who she was, anyone with half a brain could recognize Luna Lovegood.
"Who else would it be?" She said in her peculiar way of speaking. He smiled at her response, offering with his hands for her to sit across from him.
"Quibbler's still going strong then?" He pointed at the copy in her hands, trying to fill the silence that made him a little uncomfortable. She glanced down at it like she had forgotten it was still there.
"Oh, yes!" She exclaimed; she seemed quite glad he asked. The conversation lulled once more after that. She always was in her own world, she never quite noticed when conversation around her stopped or started.
"Will we continue to have DA meeting this year, Harry?" She burst out; her two pale eyes locked on him. He had to dart his own gaze away, feeling himself blush with the intensity of her stare.
"Well, there's no point with Umbridge gone, is there?" He said while clearing his throat. Truth was, he didn't feel good enough to be their teacher anymore. He felt inadequate, he felt like surely whoever was the new DA teacher would be much better than him. Luna let out a disappointed huff of air.
"A shame, I quite liked those meetings." She sounded so sad he almost changed his mind just for her, but he'd surely disappoint. He wasn't the same Harry as he was before. A chunk of the ride went on in silence, Harry found himself eyeing Luna. He couldn't really help it, she was certainly eye-catching with what she wore, with how she presented herself.
Waffles hung from her ears with a little dollop of butter on them. She wore a puffy blue dress with overalls somehow over it. On her feet were very tough-looking boots, possibly made from a kind of magical creature. Around her neck she wore a bronze and blue pearl necklace.
Interrupting his admiration of her insane outfit was a third-year girl prying open their compartment door. She was small and mousy, and she must've run there because she was out of breath. She handed him a letter and he immediately unfurled it, fearing the worst.
Harry, I would be delighted if you would join me for a bite of lunch in compartment C. Sincerely, Professor H.E.F Slughorn.
Harry tsked at the note, feeling his irritation grow. Why should he meet with this man after the things he said to his face about Sirius? No, Harry made the split decision that no. He was comfortable right where he was sitting across from Luna, and he'd pretend like he never got the letter.
"Your tristi aren't better, Harry." Luna observed randomly, turning her head from the window to face him. Harry was honestly still confused at what a 'tristi' was. He wondered if it was real like the thestrals he and Luna saw or just something Luna could see. After all, there was a lot in this world that Harry still didn't know, maybe Luna could just see things others couldn't.
Even as Harry tried to focus on the time so it might just slow down, they'd arrived at Hogwarts. Harry suddenly wondered why Hermione and Ron never came to find him. Did they not want to be around him that much they'd just ditch him? Harry's temper flared to life and in his mind, he cursed them out.
He knew he'd been a bummer lately but that was fucked up of them. As Harry walked out he noticed Malfoy lurking around the train. It was suspicious, and for a moment the Gryffindor in Harry Potter came back, but only for a second. He was gone the minute Harry realized he didn't care that much anymore. He just didn't. Maybe he should, but apathy was becoming something of a normal occurrence for Harry James Potter.