Harry didn't know what to expect, but he didn't expect hell. Hell on Earth would a kid like Harry never describe Hogwarts like. But somehow, it had become a twisted hellscape of things Harry once loved. Smiling for peers who didn't know what Harry had lost, trying to control the inferno of fury so nobody would notice what it was trying to cover up. It was torture plain and simple.
Harry remembered last year and how he had fought against Umbridge. How he had raised an army. That Harry Potter felt dead and buried, he was an imposter wearing someone else's flesh. He wondered where the courage had gone, where the motivation had gone. It felt like years had gone by instead of moments.
Harry walked these halls like a ghoul, trudging from class to class barely scraping by. What he once was good at, Defense Against the Dark Arts, he flopped suddenly. The changes were small, but Harry noticed them, a few others did too. Hermione studied him too closely, as did Ginny when he saw her between her shags. Snape didn't seem as disgusted with his very existence, there was almost a trace of familiarity in his gaze.
Harry had forgotten to buy a potion book during the flurry of emotions. Instead, Harry had to use an old worn one. Harry barely put up an effort to fight Ron for the newer looking one, the old one would work just fine. It turned out though it worked better than fine. It was marked with little notes and edits to potion recipes that made Harry's life a whole lot easier. The only downside was the uncomfortable attention from Slughorn.
The old man spent a creepy amount of time praising skill that wasn't even Harry's. Hermione seemed jealous of this, but Harry would trade spots with her any day. Who wanted attention from a strange old man? Harry already hated the spotlight; it didn't help that Slughorn tried to shine a bright light on him.
There was also peculiar spells Harry didn't recognize in the book. The book was claimed by the Half-Blood Prince, whoever that was. Truly, it was a mystery Harry wasn't willing to solve.
That evening Harry got a letter from Dumbledore to meet him in his office at eight. Harry felt something rebellious spark in him, something devious. Why meet the old bastard? Harry curled his lip up, crunching the parchment in his hand. The owl, sensing his annoyance, took its leave without awaiting a reply.
Do this Harry, do that Harry. He'd been hearing that his whole life, he was used to it. Usually, he'd shut up and take it, but he was just so sick of it all. He shook his head, stuffing the note into his pocket. He hadn't touched a single piece of food on his plate.
Maybe he'd say he never got the note or maybe he'd be a big boy and tell Dumbledore to fuck off. That was unlikely. Harry stood up, taking his leave from the grand hall. He didn't notice how some eyes trailed from him to his untouched plate.
That night Harry found himself breaking the rules. He'd taken his invisibility cloak and stuck out to the Forbidden Forest. Something about it felt needed right now. It was a full moon which reminded Harry of Lupin, which in turn reminded Harry of Sirius.
He stared up at the pure white orb from underneath his invisibility cloak, smelling the fresh cold air. Harry took a deep breath and let his eyes fall shut. He stood there and let the wind sway him from side to side. When he opened his eyes again, he saw the unexpected.
It was Luna Lovegood standing beside him right near the border of the Forbidden Forest. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw her. He had to hold a hand over his own mouth to not let a gasp of air escape. He swore she looked straight at him despite his cloak. She smiled faintly, her misty eyes crinkling around the corners.
She looked ethereal then, blonde hair blowing in the wind. She didn't wear the weird things she normally wore. She wore a light blue night gown that billowed softly at the end. It was dirty at the bottom probably from the plant life around. Her feet were bare, which startled Harry. She didn't seem entirely there Harry realized; her eyes were distant.
"Mommy?" She questioned out into the nothingness, staring up at the moon. Harry realized then that she was sleeping, not just sleeping but sleepwalking, not just sleepwalking but dreaming too. Dreaming of her mother? Harry had heard rumors here and there about Luna's mother, people said that's why she was crazy. Harry wondered, he truly did, but it never felt right to ask.
Harry considered walking away from her, it felt like a private moment. The moment Harry started to creep away, however, Luna started moving towards the forest. It didn't feel right to just leave her to wander into the woods. Harry knew what kind of things were in there, it was nothing good.
When he reached out to touch her from underneath the invisibility cloak, she at first moved with him easily. As if burned, Luna suddenly ripped herself from his grasp and let out a gut-wrenching scream. For someone so softspoken and airy, that scream was unnatural. Harry covered his ears, his eyes widening in shock.
"MOMMY STOP! DON'T!" She wailed as she stretched her hands outward, reaching for something that wasn't there. She was acting younger than she was, like she had regressed back to being a child. Harry threw off his invisibility cloak, deciding that comforting Luna was worth potentially getting caught.
Harry held Luna even as she struggled against him, Harry held her tight. Her punches got weaker as her tears began to flow down her cheeks.
"Please don't leave me." Luna begged to presumably her mother and Harry felt his heart begin to ache. He felt for her, he knew that pain. He cried some nights like that, even when he was young, he had dreams he couldn't quite recall that left him crying out like that.
Harry and Luna had somehow ended up on the damp grassy floor, Luna clinging on to Harry and sobbing into his shirt. Harry embraced her, she smelt like salt and the earth around them. He remembered when he felt this weak, he still felt this weak, only now he hid it better. Her sobs trickled down into sniffles and he saw her pull away to look up at him.
Luna was truly something in that moment. Her eyes told stories of pain yet strength. Her hair glistened underneath the moonlight, and he felt his heart clench but not from feeling her heartache. He held her in his arms like a lover, though they weren't. He almost kissed her, but he shook away those out of place ideas.
"I'm sorry, Harry." Luna was lucid again; she spoke in her normal tone.
"Sometimes I sleepwalk." She admitted frankly with a shrug, her eyes still had tears dripping from them. Harry couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face. Harry could've asked about her dream, but he didn't. He let them sit in silence as they studied each other for probably too long.
Harry was the one who sighed and stood up, ensuring that Luna could also stand on her own.
"What were you doing out here anyway, Harry?" Luna asked curiously. She didn't seem to care about the leaf's that found their way into her hair. Harry instinctively picked one out of her hair, her hair was a poofy texture like cotton, it was thick too. He let his hands linger too long, but pulled back after he noticed her eyes on his movements.
"Urm..." Harry lost his train of thought for a moment as he noticed the slight blush on Luna's cheeks.
"To get fresh air." He remembered while blinking rapidly as if he were lying. Harry wasn't lying; he just didn't mention the avoiding Dumbledore part.
"We should probably head back before we get in trouble or Wrackspurts find us." Luna said and Harry knew she was right. For some reason, Harry just didn't want to leave. His head was peaceful for once despite his heart beating fast. But he nodded to Luna in agreement.
It was a split-second decision, but he showed Luna the invisibility cloak. She was awed by it, rambling on about Isibillis or something like that being woven into the fabric. Harry found it quite endearing in a weird way.
They walked back together under it, they had to stand quite close to fit under it. Harry led her all the way back to the Ravenclaw tower. Luna didn't go in immediately, she glanced at him and smiled before she wandered inside.
Harry had a dopey grin on his face all the way back to his room, but the minute he entered and sat on his bed, a dam broke in his head. Pressure built up behind his eyes and he knew he was going to cry he threw his face into the pillow. Why was he crying? Why did he feel this way? There was something wrong with him. He was just a broken thing, wasn't he?
Eventually he drifted off, but not before he had his pillow drenched in his own tears. He hadn't cried in weeks, it was draining. It left him feeling quite empty.