Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of the witcher. Those are property of Mr Sapkowski and I using Netflix series canon mixed with the books and my twisted version of the lore.

Warnings : blood. Sexual tension, scenes (nothing graphic)

Thanks Cato Yugi for the follow and for those who still read me :). And note - for the new readers - I always answer reviews. For those who have an account, I do it in PM. For the anonymous, I do it in the next chapter notes. So if you have questions or want to interact, you are welcome.

Notes : I have finally decided to cut that chapter in two. It was a bit too long. The next part will come soon though. In italic are some emphasis and a dream, but also the intrusive thoughts of Geralt.

The dragon hunt - part 4

Struggles

###

Yarpen and his men made a camp for the rest of the day and the night. They assured them that they would still reach the top before the Reavers, especially if they woke up early. The fire was nice, even if they didn't have much food to share. They made a stew of what was left of the dwarves' dry meat and Jaskier's foundings in the bushes around.

No-one was very hungry and no-one seemed in a mood to talk either. Even the mouthful dwarves were quite introspective. It felt like the death of the two warriors and the old man was affecting everyone to a deep level.

At the sunset, Jaskier unfolded his harp and began to sing an old mourning dwarven song. His voice filled a void in everyone's heart for the time it longed. There was no applause, only a very sarcastic comment from Yarpen, who couldn't fool anyone as his eyes were teary.

- "Too bad you massacred that song with your human accent and this elven instrument…"

- "Thank you." Joked the singer in return, but he wasn't amused.

Geralt quitted the group and sat in front of the sun disappearing behind the distant mountains. In his head was playing a lot of things and he didn't know where it came from in the first place. His dispute with Yennefer seemed to have brought some hidden things back on the surface - well, more buried than hidden, if wanted to be honest.

He had worked things out in his mind to finally understand Yennefer's point of view after his brief relationship with Essi but one thing remained : he always pushed on Yennefer's need to have a child a lot of their tension, but he had nothing to teach her, he had chosen to ignore the fact that he had what she wanted the most and never faced the reality of it. This was something he never took in the equation. His Child Surprise was just past angst and a vague idea to him now. He didn't even know if they were a boy or a girl. If they were healthy and safe. He did everything he could to escape this reality until it was a blurred memory. This was what he did best - as the good witcher he was - before opening to feelings anyway. He did that and then he blamed the woman he loved for trying everything to get the opposite opportunity.

The reality was that he was afraid and he ran away. Just like…

Jaskier sat down next to him. Geralt stubbornly looked away. His friend wasn't welcome right now but not because he was annoying or doing something wrong but because the witcher had the persistent feeling he was in danger with him from now on. I will hurt him. He knew deep down that Jaskier meant probably well but having him next to him right now was like a reminder of everything that could go wrong. His only pride - to be a good protector - had been ripped away from him today in a twisted way. This was a sacrifice made against his stubbornness. If the three of them hadn't dropped the chain, he could have dragged down Yennefer and Jaskier in his fall.

In his mind flashed the face of Borch falling in the milky clouds. If you are not careful you will destroy him. He accepted the hunt of this old fool who asked for protection just to be with Yennfer, forgetting the real consequences of an accident. The last time he forgot the consequences of his actions, Jaskier had his throat mangled by a Djinn.

The worst part was the illusion of control. He was holding them all. He was strong enough to hold them but not to save them because the foundations were rotten. Was it the same with Jaskier ? Was he trying to protect him ? Was he simply holding him before an unavoidable fall ?

- "There was nothing else you could have done." Said his friend very calmly.

Geralt tensed. The words touched him square. Jaskier had a way to slip under his skin with a terrifying precision. Nothing he could have done. That was true. He couldn't help anyone. He couldn't save Jaskier from father. He couldn't give Yennefer what she needed. He wasn't strong enough for Borch, Thea and Vea.

- "Look, why don't we leave tomorrow. Hmm ?" His friend was speaking softly. There was no anger, no provocation. His voice was shaking slightly with emotion. "We could head to the coast, stay away for a while."

To that the witcher felt that something was off - like this thing that changed in his friend, since he had returned to Oxenfurt. He is doing what you are not. This was wrong. He was doing exactly like him. Jaskier just suggested eloping and they did that for so many years. I am holding him back, like I held back Yennefer. That was the problem. Since he lost his freedom, Jaskier wanted nothing but their old life back, failing all the time finding their old chimestry. I am ready for something else. I have changed enough.

Your human has changed you. Vesemir's voice was as sharp as a knife. And with that came clarity. Jaskier was doing exactly the same thing for decades now. He was trying to escape reality - a very unpleasant one - and he was telling him what he wanted to hear, not what he needed. He is a useless tool of Destiny ready to be removed from your life. Destiny ?

Jaskier's voice rose again, cutting short his spiraling thoughts.

- "Try to do what pleases you while you can. Life is too short." He was mimicking Borch. "This sounds like something he would have said, innit ?"

- "Are you trying to find some inspiration for new songs in whatever this tragedy was ?" Geralt was a bit defensive there.

- "No… This was just a thought. I am trying to find what pleases me, I guess." Jaskier was very emotional telling this.

- "Is that what he told you ?"

- "And what if it was ? It sounds like good advice to me. Since I am back at Oxenfurt, I am a bit lost. Finding some pleasure back in life could do one's good, right ?"

This whole conversation was making the witcher uncomfortable. It was echoing his personal struggles on so many levels. Every signal was enlightening only one solution - one that he didn't want either - but maybe it was for the better for his human friend. He had robbed more than twenty years from him, after all. Maybe he could live happily away. At least he needed to think about it, even if it hurt at first.

There was a long pause, and Geralt finally did the thing that was probably necessary.

- "Maybe it is, but that could be from another perspective. Maybe it is time to find something else that would please you."

Jaskier gasped slightly. He controlled his pained reaction, but he understood perfectly what he just had suggested. Geralt didn't mean to sound that harsh, especially when his friend was clearly trying to reach him but setting that distance seemed important now. If you are not careful you will destroy him.

- "Not like farewell." He added though. "Just evolving each of us on our side for a while. Experiencing new things."

- "You wish me out of your life… ?" Jaskier's voice was not more than a whisper, as his throat was squeezed by the emotion.

Geralt couldn't answer that. If he was honest, right now, a part of him wished that, and the reasons were not very clear. The fear of hurting him was pregnant in his mind. But something else was growing, nested in their new struggles.

- "Try to sleep. A clear head tomorrow will do us all good."

No response. He stood up and looked down at his friend who - he could tell - was internally fighting. A bit cowardly after dropping that massive thing, the witcher didn't want to see the pain in his eyes, so he moved away when he noticed him turning around.

He walked past the dwarven night shelter and went directly to Yennefer's tent which was a bit away from the rest of the group, behind some rocks.

He stayed by the opening and signified his presence. She was at her dressing table, removing the accessories of her complexe outfit.

- "Can I enter ?" He asked when she turned toward him.

- "Sure."

She stood her, welcoming him in. Her dress was partially detached and she went directively for a kiss with some clear intention in mind, purposely letting the clothes slide just enough to tease him. She was soft with him, which was surprising considering the conflict they had in the morning.

- "This was not why you came here ?" She asked when he didn't share the same enthusiasm to some flesh proximity.

- "Not really." He admitted.

- "Oh. So. You wanted to talk I guess."

- "Well. If you want to."

- "Why not ? I mean I guess this death, as unimportant as it seemed, has troubled everyone. Me included."

- "I couldn't save them… Jaskier said this wasn't my fault but I feel guilty anyway."

For a brief moment his mind drifted to his friend who was hurt by his words just now. This was not fair. This is necessary.

- "I couldn't save them either." She said. "I was too preoccupied to keep us safe ?"

-"Us ?"

She sat back elegantly on the chair in front of her dressing table, and smiled at him.

- "Well, you might not have noticed my use of chaos during all that but I can assure you that plank couldn't hold your weight and the one of your companions, hanging on that chain. My first reflex was to save you, not them. Maybe I could have had a better idea, using my magic to help lift them too, but it didn't cross my mind a second. So I couldn't save them either. I don't care much about people. Life sculpted me that way. I only enjoy the company of monsters it seems." She was clearly defining him here but he wasn't outraged. He was a monster killing other monsters, so... "But I begin to find it difficult to stay detached to humans' fate. I mean... I used Sir Denesle as a tool and he will be rotting in the ditch we found him. We didn't even take the time to bury him properly. I feel like a real monster here."

- "Well, I had the same incident a few days ago… There is a body I left next to a wyvern's den I cleaned up. I didn't kill the man but he was robbing me and... I didn't care."

He grimaced. Saying it out loud, now Jaskier's reaction at that moment seemed more normal and his more disturbing.

- "We are used to a lot of violence. Too much violence. And I am afraid of losing that last spark of humanity in me. I saved you before I still can experience love with you. You are my spark. But that doesn't make me feel like a better human being, unfortunately." She continued.

- "So you love me." He whispered.

- "Of course I do, my beast."

- "Again with your beast…" She ignored him.

- "You know, if I have learnt something from all that is that you matter to me a lot, even if you push me in emotional corners. Even if you go through similar turmoil as me, I have the feeling that you are less spoiled. Those people, it never crosses my mind to save them because I hadn't an emotional connection to them. You didn't seem to have a connection either, but you were so resolute. Almost to the point to bring all of us down in your stubbornness."

- "We both are very stubborn." He smiled.

- "True. But what I mean is, that you love people more than I do. To the point of sacrificing yourself to protect them. This is noble but selfless. I am still angry with you but I think I love you more in the end." She marked a long awkward pause. "I was scared to lose you today. And I wish to keep feeling scared about that for a long time..."

Geralt approached and kneeled in front of her.

- "I am always scared to hurt people I love. If you hadn't been there, maybe something even deadlier would have happened. Just because of me. I love you too. I am always scared to lose you, and death isn't the only thing that can separate us. Everything hurts."

She leaned toward him and kissed him again. This time with more feelings. They didn't wait long before succumbing to the flesh.

Maybe this was the emotions of the day, but there was something different in their union this time. She was as passionate as ever but more fragile at the same time. And he was more delicate.

###

The night was dark and only the soft magic lamps bathing the room in warm shadows was giving them some light. The high contrast was playing with their bodies and imagination. Yennefer sighed but she smiled.

- "What are we doing ?"

- "I am not sure. But I feel good." His eyelids were dropping slightly. He was tired and he felt safe.

- "I wished that we could have been normal people, with our fate in our hands. Everything would have been simpler, I believe."

- "I wish that also." He took a more comfortable position in the bed. "What is that young Yennefer would have wanted before Aretuza changed everything ?"

- "I wanted a simple life but…" She marked a long pause. "More than anything, I wished to be important to someone..."

He knew her childhood and what horrible things she'd been through until she found a way to emancipate. The school of magic had robbed her of almost everything. They broke her until they could model her to their image. But they didn't succeed completely and she was fighting back with all the tools and powers that they gave her and inherited. The storm was unleashed and she was destructive. But Geralt was seeing in the heart of it too. And the woman underneath all that was magnificent.

- "You are important to me." He said, before closing his eyes again.

He felt her skin touching his. Then her lips smiling against his. He grabbed her whole and let her posses him one more time. He responded to her, he died again and again with her but his consciousness drifted as something was dragging him to a more chimerical place.

###

Geralt was running in the woods, following a golden glow in the myst and a voice. He didn't understand the words but there was a danger. The ground inclined suddenly and he couldn't stop in time. He saw the cliff at the last second and fell into the clouds.

Usually a sensation like that would have awakened him but not this time. He was falling for so long. Suddenly there was a roar as strong as the thunder and a huge shadow slid in the myst underneath. Reptilian shape, large wings and long tail. This was a dragon. And they were on a collision course.

In a swift movement he wielded his sword from his back and put himself as small as he could to limit air friction and accelerate. They both emerged from the clouds at the same time.

This was a splendid green dragon. Gerald's sword didn't pierce the natural armor of the monster - its scales were almost iridescent - and the collision made him lose his grip and balance. He was spiraling out of control toward the ground. He fought to open his arms. But this simple gesture helped him to stabilize his direction. He was now falling, his back to the ground, and in the clouds a huge battle was happening between the green dragon and some armored and armed horsemen whose black horses were seemingly half way running in the sky, half way part of it.

Geralt felt a sudden pull and he found himself attracted toward them against all the laws of gravity. He was like hooked to the green dragon, following its movements with a delay, sliding between the horses and the spears their cavalier were holding. He plunged back in the clouds.

From his position, he could see that the cavaliers were strangely vaporous but also real. Their dark armor was made of bones. That detail reminded him of some old stories about the Wild Hunt. The dragon was doomed. Its claws, fangs and its fire breath was doing nothing against the Wraiths of Mörhogg as they were called in Skellige. They could materialize when they wanted, and it was the same about their weapons. The fate of the dragon was scelled, the moment the first spear pierced its back. It roared, fought back but this was in vain. The spears mercilessly stroke it down.

The golden glow intensified and the wraiths vanished, while the green dragon flew away.

The next blink, Geralt was the white wolf. He was in the mountains following a scent - a blood scent. The moon was lighting the landscape but the world seemed all black and white. He followed a dirty path between some rough bushes. It led to a cavern. Now he could see the trail of blood. His prey was massive and bleeding heavily. He entered the cavern and found it laying behind a glowing sphere.

The green dragon was there, his flanks and back pierced by the long spears of the Wild Hunt, living its last moments in a growling breath. He approached the sphere. There was a shadow moving inside.

He looked inside...

###

Geralt jolted awake. The dream was already fading. The pale light of the early morning had replaced the magic lamps. Yennefer was looking at him with a soft smile.

- "Good morning."

- "Good morning."

- "What were you dreaming about ? It seemed quite intense."

- "I don't remember."

She put a hand on his face and cleared it from his hair. She smiled.

- "This is so rare that we both are in bed in the morning."

- "You were the first to abandon me, remember ?"

- "Yeah I was already feeling that strange incompatibility of our world. You left me hanging too."

- "Yeah. Let's say that I struggled so long with the notion of love."

- "And now ?"

- "Now I know I love you but we are pushing us away all the time. And all the time we crawl back to each other."

- "Does it feel like it now ?"

- "Not now, but probably in a few days, yes…"

- "I don't know why we are pulled to each other like that. But I like it when we are well together. I have the feeling that there is always more to us, but this is still out of reach."

###

And out of reach she became quickly after that sweet night they shared. She didn't forget about the dragon and she still wanted to kill that beast and find in its corpse some magic traitement for her womb.

They got dressed quickly, considering the complexe outfit the sorceress was wearing. She had the same birdlike costume from the day before. He stepped out of the tent just after hearing her swear outside.

The dwarves were gone and that in itself triggered Yennefer badly. She didn't wait a second and used her magic to increase her speed. She ran away following the dirty path that led to the last pike.

Geralt looked down at the dwarven camp. Jaskier was alone and still asleep. His heart twisted painfully when he noticed that he had slept outside, on the bare ground, back to the fire, and clutching his harp. The dwarves didn't let him in their shelter. And he literally abandoned him there to be with Yennefer. He was about the abandon him again for his own safety.

He let him sleep and began to run. He heard the faint call of Jaskier waking up to the noise he made but he didn't have time to stay and explain. Yennefer was almost flying into problems. He hoped that this was just a small waking and that he would return to sleep fast. His friend had always been a strong sleeper...

###

The path was familiar. He found the dwarves in a line, unable to move or even speak. Yennefer had caught them before they reached the top. Geralt didn't want to stop her now but to protect her. Dragons were powerful creatures. Maybe she had a chance one on one, but if the Reavers reached the top too, from the other side of the mountain, this could turn very badly.

He throttled along the path that was going up and arrived at a large platform. The long trail of dark blood leading to a dark cavern reminded him of something that his brain had already forgotten. The blood was long time dry - hence its color - but the fact that the soil was still marked was telling how much the creature had bled, ramping into its lair. There were burn and claw marks on the rock around.

He entered the cavern. It was going down in a large pit. More blood here. There was light inside, coming from the top, as there was a large opening, in which rampant plants were slightly falling. Yennefer was standing there in the cone of light, a dagger in her hand, but she was trembling. Geralt approached. And he saw what retained her hand.

A huge dragon, its back pierced by several bone spears, was laying in the remains of a massive pool of blood. Its natural iridescent scales had turn grey and its opened eyes were white. The only color left was from the blood trails that seemed like paint. But the death of that magnificent creature was not what was making Yennefer tremble. The egg next to its head was very much alive. That dragon was a mother and she probably died protecting her child.

Yennefer was facing the guilt of the act she didn't have to accomplish. Geralt knew that she was fighting the idea of killing the baby too to get what she wanted from a fresh body.

- "You're not that monster..." He said.

Her dagger dropped to the ground at her feet in a dull sound.

Notes : I have reversed the who abandon who from the get go, in comparison of the series, because I developed Geralt struggles with feelings and I didn't need the same justification as the show. Also I wanted to dig a bit more of Yennefer character as she doesn't have a lot of exposition in my story.

Secondly, yeah the intrusive thoughts and the dream were induced by Borch. And Jaskier is taking full charge of it. This is not fair and you know what is coming so... fairness isn't to the program lol

See you soon !