Chapter 3 - Day Two: The Empire Strikes Back
Anakin didn't intend to fall asleep in the meditation pod, but he's so exhausted. All he knows is that he's jolting awake sometime later, the pain still as present as ever. And he's so tired of everything hurting.
He's tired of being here in this confusing place and he wants to go back to his own time where it felt like things were finally about to get better, not blow up completely. He doesn't want to think that this is what the future will hold. It's terrifying enough to be here all alone, and worse when he's trapped in this – this suit.
He feels trapped, isolated from everything. He didn't realize he could miss touching things so badly, but he wants to run his left hand all over everything to just feel things, but he literally can't do that with any of his limbs anymore.
And he should stop being so selfish and focus on what's actually important – figure out what's going on here so he can try to help, no matter how alone he is.
But.
If he has a child out there, he's not alone. He needs to find him.
Somehow.
Probably, what he should be doing instead of wasting time sleeping in here is researching the state of the galaxy, to see if he can get a clearer picture of what's changed since the time he was from.
Even if he for a fleeting moment just wants to grab the nearest object and hurl it across the room for no reason at all.
And he has no idea why he's feeling so violent suddenly, but he's just – Ugh.
Ughhhhhh
Just breathe.
Oh wait. He can't control that either.
He tries to reach out to the Force, tries to focus on letting go of his frustration like he always has, but it's becoming increasingly difficult.
It's not until now that Anakin notices something else. He can feel the kyber crystal in the lightsaber at his waist, but it feels like it's hurting. He noticed it before, but he was panicking too much to pay attention or to even give it much thought, especially with the sheer darkness of the Force everywhere now.
But alone in his meditation chamber again, he can clearly sense it.
And a sudden, increasingly uneasy feeling swells inside of him.
Anakin reaches down hesitantly, unclipping the lightsaber from its place. The design is entirely unfamiliar – not the one he has back in his own time.
He pushes the ignition switch, and he really shouldn't be surprised when a red blade hisses to life in his hands.
Color is hard to tell through his red -inted visors, but this is definitely red – looks red enough to be blood, through the lenses.
Why does he have a red lightsaber? Unless –
Force.
No.
This can't be happening. It can't be.
Because there's only one explanation to how why he'd have a red lightsaber and be working with Palpatine – a Sith – after all the Jedi have been destroyed by him.
Was his older-self Fallen? A Sith too? The meditation chamber feels so Dark. He wondered before if it was because everyone in his family was gone, but it feels of the Dark Side. Of pain and anger and fear and – and so much loneliness. But – he wouldn't Fall. He wouldn't do that.
His entire life has been defined by the fact that he's supposed to destroy the Sith. It's why he exists, his purpose, the only reason the Jedi accepted him in the first place. He never wanted that destiny hanging over him, never liked its meaning and everything that came with it, but he knew deep inside that this is always what the Jedi wanted of him, an expectation he had to live up to. He can't fail that.
Definitely can't fail in the worst way possible by becoming a Sith.
How could he do that?
That would explain why he was being addressed as "Lord" by the others on board.
He feels cold all over suddenly.
If he Fell, that means... Can he believe anything Palpatine was telling him? If Palpatine is his master?
Can he really trust that his older-self knew what he's doing?
There's no way he can. How could he ever Fall? He's been afraid of Falling before. He knew how close he was slipping to it after the Tuskens and again on Mortis, something happened that he didn't even remember but both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan seemed pretty shaken up about it. So yes, he's been afraid of that for a long time, but he never imagined that it could actually happen.
But –
It did.
He feels shaky so it's a good thing he's not standing. He also feels totally sick.
If he's a Sith then, how can he believe that he's been making the right choices? He had to learn to trust himself during the war, but all he can feel now is an overwhelming gaping emptiness, a what have I become, what have I done. Doesn't think he can trust a single decision he's ever made.
He Fell.
He sided with the Sith against the Jedi for some reason and that's why he's still alive and that's probably why none of his family are even with him anymore. But how could he fail in a worse way than he ever has? How could be so useless? So – Ugh.
If not for how badly their last conversation went, Anakin would be tempted to call Palpatine back and demand to know why he never told him, but -.
But.
"I thought far more highly of your loyalty than this, Anakin. Or have the teachings of the Jedi blinded you this much?"
The words still hurt, burning deep inside of him. He feels so lost. Apparently he betrayed the Jedi so he can't think very highly of his own loyalty in the slightest right now. The Jedi gave him a home, they – no matter how hard it was, he still believes in their way. How could he turn on that? On everything Obi-Wan taught him? He wouldn't but apparently he did.
That doesn't change some of what Palpatine was saying to him, though. If the Jedi committed treason...
He doesn't know what to think anymore. He's definitely not calling Palpatine back to ask more either. He really doesn't want to talk to him again right now. Especially not about something that's definitely going to make him angry.
What if the Empire is wrong? What if...? Does that mean it's the Rebellion he ought to be siding with? But from what he heard, they sound like the Separatists. And he doesn't know what to do. He hasn't felt this lost and alone in his life. How could this be the future? The Force brought him here for some reason, but for what?
He makes his way out of his meditation pod. Walking's slightly easier than it was before, but it's still throwing him so much and the amount of concentration he has to devote to it so he doesn't fall is insane, as he makes his way back up to the bridge.
The way everyone carefully avoids looking at him is just irking him even more right now. He feels so alone. So... empty.
When he's standing in front of a computer console, he doesn't think anyone will be able to see what he's researching, which is probably for the best. He still doesn't know what to think of the Empire, after all, or anything Palpatine told him.
He can feel the questions and curiosity of the others in the room, but none of them say anything to him, not that he expected otherwise by this point.
Anakin just keeps his focus on what he's looking up, starting by researching what happened to the Jedi.
The first thing he quickly comes to is Palpatine's speech about the formation of the Empire, where he's carefully detailing all the things the Jedi did that were treasonous.
Apparently they were personally spying on him, like Palpatine told him.
Which is treason and not their place, if it's true.
They were also planning to make a move to take control of the Senate next, based on what Palpatine is saying of their plans.
He doesn't know enough about the rest of the evidence to know if it's true or not but it sounds... very incriminating. And it's making him feel increasingly sick because how could the Jedi do this? Yes, Palpatine is a Sith but they still betrayed the Republic itself and he doesn't understand this.
Not that it makes it any better than Anakin himself Fell and he's not sure he can trust any of his own judgment right now. Maybe he's just trying to find excuses to explain what he's pretty sure he's done. He just – just wants someone to tell him what to do, like there always has been. The only one to do that is Palpatine, though, and he can't... trust him anymore.
He almost doesn't want to know more, but he can't afford to be entirely ignorant of everything that's happened, so he looks up the Rebellion next.
There's something about some Jedi who got several million killed on Mon Cala, by forcing them to resist the Empire?
It could just be war propaganda. He feels like there are some details missing there, but if it's true, it means... the Jedi intentionally got them involved in a war, instead of letting them live peacefully like they were trying to. Like the Jedi were supposed to be doing all this time. And the thing is, even during the Clone Wars itself there's times that because of orders from the Senate, they drag innocent planets that want to be left alone into the war. He knows it's not right and so do the Jedi but they do it anyway. So he can't say it doesn't sound like something that would happen, but...
There's something about a few years after the Empire, rebels on Ryloth tried to assassinate Palpatine and killed thousands to do it – and still failed. They brought down an entire Star Destroyer over the planet.
There are countless other reports of "terrorist attacks" over the years, but one that catches his attention almost instantly is because of a name. Saw Gerrera. Saw is involved in the Rebellion? Maybe it shouldn't be surprising because Anakin knows what he was like – he was affected badly by his sister's death and he would never stop fighting, no matter what.
He... did questionable things all the time, and based on these reports, it's only gotten far worse. He's apparently well known for torturing Imperials he captures and for attacking Imperial bases, entirely unconcerned about all the civilian casualties he causes. Anakin doesn't really know what to think of that either. He's the one who helped teach Saw how to lead rebel movements. He also only thought he would use it to protect Onderon. Just another thing he messed up, like he apparently has everything. He just feels so lost. But... would Saw really be fighting a battle if there wasn't a reason he was fighting? But then he looks at how many people he's hurting, and he doesn't know if he could really excuse all this, regardless of the reasons why he's doing it.
But most news against the Rebellion lately is about some... massive space station the Empire was using for research that had two million people on board and the Rebellion destroyed it?
They... what?
He kind of feels like there's something more to it than that, but the numbers are still appalling, and he has no idea what to think of that.
Everything is too messy and he doesn't know what side he's supposed to be on anymore. He can't just turn on the Jedi like this, even apparently his older-self did for some reason he can't begin to fathom. But – but what if it's true that they've been doing things that he can't go along with anymore? He's thought that before sometimes fleetingly, even if it felt like a total betrayal of everything he's been taught. But maybe his arrogance in having those questions in the first place is why he Fell.
So what's he supposed to do?
From what it seems like, the Empire could have had peace, if everyone would stop fighting. But he also knows there has to be some reason they're fighting. He knows the Separatists had reasons for what they did, even if he can't begin to agree with how they went about it.
Which means what he probably needs to be researching next is things the Rebellion blames the Empire for, things they actually have to be upset about.
He's about to look it up when he senses Piett approaching.
"Yes, Admiral?" he asks, looking up. The helmet makes it ridiculously hard to turn his head.
"We've received word from Boba Feet," he replies, "He located the Millenium Falcon. They're heading to a nearby planet. They haven't tried jumping to lightspeed so their hyperdrive must still be damaged."
"Set course for the system. We will be there before they arrive," Anakin replies. And they'll walk right into the trap.
**w**
It occurs to Anakin absently while they're on the way there that he probably ought to eat or drink. But he doesn't know if he even can take his helmet off anywhere but in his pod. He has no idea how that's supposed to work but he can already hear Kix's voice in his mind, telling him that he needs to stop neglecting taking care of himself.
Kix, who is long dead in this time.
What he probably needs is a medical droid.
He very reluctantly finds his way to the medical wing, locating a medical droid. "Do you have access to my medical files?" he asks, trying to ignore how uncomfortable he feels. Whether or not he can eat or drink on his own is something he ought to know.
"I do," the droid reports, "But you are not scheduled for your next treatment yet."
Next treatment?
What exactly does that mean?
"Do I need to eat?" he blurts, because he doesn't know of any way to diplomatically ask the question.
"Your files say that all nutriment is supplied by your life support capabilities. You may be able to take small amounts of water on your own but nothing more."
That is...
He feels sicker than he already did before. What happened to him?
"What is my medical condition?" He almost doesn't want the answer to that question but he probably ought to know.
"The details are classified."
"...How can my own details be classified for me?"
"All of your medical reports are under control of the Emperor," the droid replies.
...What? But that doesn't even make any sense! Does it? That's not something Palpatine would have any reason to have control over. Unless he's that worried about Anakin not taking care of himself but he finds that unlikely.
It means...
He doesn't really know what it means but it has him even more on edge than he was before. But – at least he got the answers he needed. He won't need to take the time to take care o himself. That does have some advantages. But that knowledge doesn't do away with how sick he's still feeling.
**w**
Bespin, as it turns out, is less than an hour away, in terms of hyperspace travel from where they are, so they're there long before the Falcon.
Except, when they do a quick scan over Bespin's surface, it's to realize that apparently there's a mining colony there, that doesn't have the right to be operating without authority of the Empire.
Or at least, that's what Piett tells him.
Anakin's not overly acquainted with those regulations. He thinks the laws might be a little stricter than they were with the Republic, but he can't be certain. Regardless, stopping illegal operations is something he did all the time as a Jedi.
And so is negotiating deals with the lawbreakers in question – Lando agrees to cover up the Imperial presence and play along with it when the Falcon shows up, in exchange for getting to keep his mining colony without it being occupied.
At least doing this is something that makes a tiny amount of sense, something that he doesn't feel like he has no idea what he's doing for. More than anything, he just feels numb with shock right now.
And he feels dirty. Like a traitor. Which he apparently is.
"What of the crew aboard the ship?" Lando asks, though he's clearly nervous.
"They are rebels. They will be... dealt with in accordance with Imperial law." Although, they are his son's friends so Anakin doesn't know what to do about that. Probably, he'll have to wait until he can talk to them and see what they're like.
Maybe talking to them will actually give him some idea what he's supposed to be doing right now. He feels like he's drowning, from how guilty and lost and confused he's feeling. What he's doing now doesn't feel like it's any different than what he ever did as a Jedi but apparently all the Jedi are gone and he sided against them. And Palpatine is a Sith and the Jedi committed treason, and –
"I can keep them contained in the city. They won't cause any further harm to the Empire," Lando argues.
Does this person know them, too? He seems afraid for their fates, though Anakin can't tell for certain.
"They will not be harmed, if that is what concerns you," he tells him.
The man seems to grudgingly accept that answer, or maybe he just doesn't want to push his luck any further.
For now, all Anakin can do is wait until the ship shows up.
**w**
He ends up spending most of the day waiting. Which means way too much time to think and brood and feel even more lost than he already does. It's sunset by the time the ship is finally coming in. He gets word from Lando not long later that the people in question are in the city, and they won't be going anywhere until the ship is repaired. And that he invited them to a meal the next morning, where they can be detained.
Anakin doesn't fancy the idea of waiting that long, and he can't help thinking that Lando might be planning to try something, warning them perhaps, but... he'll be ready.
Boba is the first to approach him. "Solo has a bounty on him from Jabba the Hutt," he says, the question obvious.
He wants to take one of Luke's friends and turn them over to a Hutt.
Whoever this Han Solo is, why is he even having dealings with Jabba in the first place? That doesn't speak so well for the kind of person he is and he's a criminal anyway, but... That doesn't make Anakin very eager at the thought of handing anyone over to a Hutt.
"We will see," he tells him, finally. First, he needs to talk to them. He's not going to promise to hand anyone over to a Hutt.
Boba doesn't seem happy, but he doesn't press.
Anakin's moving through the facility, just... looking around mostly, though careful to stay out of sight of the rebels. He can't say why the Force is nudging him forward, where it's leading him to, but he senses... something. Something important.
He steps into a side room, where droid parts are being melted down and his gaze falls on –
It's hard to tell for certain through the red visors, but there are pieces of a protocol droid in there that look very much like... Threepio?
It looks far too familiar, and Anakin reaches out with the Force, lifting the droid up.
It must be him – there's many protocol droids that look similar, but some of the familiar marks on the droid's body are too recognizable – even if it looks significantly more worn than he did in Anakin's time. But what's he doing here?
He quickly retreats from the room, going to somewhere that he can work on reassembling the droid.
It takes an edge off the gaping emptiness inside of him somehow, that he just found someone familiar, someone that's actually going to know him even if he spent little time with Threepio, all things considered. He can't deny maybe being a little excited too, because he's so tired of feeling entirely alone.
But he's very quick to discover that trying to do anything when his limbs are so bulky is nearly impossible. He got used to it with his right arm and how to coordinate it, but he's not used to coordinating his left one so clumsily.
It's maddening.
He can't feel anything, and he keeps expecting to, and maybe it's only been a little over a day since he lost the ability to sense anything, but it feels like a lifetime for how isolated he feels. Like he's locked in a cage that's steadily tightening around him and he'll never be able to get out, to see anything normally, to feel anything normal again. He didn't realize how much he appreciated any of his senses until he's lost pretty much every single one.
How did that even happen?
Considering how many battles he's probably fought in as a Sith, it's not a surprise, but...
Force.
If he's a Sith, did he turn against Obi-Wan and Ahsoka? Did he hurt them? He can't imagine any version of himself doing that, even if they are Jedi. That doesn't even... make any sense. But he can't imagine how he could've Fallen either and apparently he did and –
Ahsoka probably stayed out of the fight entirely, and she's hopefully living somewhere far away where she's safe.
He doesn't want to think about the fact that Padme's dead.
Obi-Wan would have sided with the Jedi, no matter what they did. He's certain of that. And that... that's probably what Anakin ought to have done. But – he doesn't know what happened. Would Obi-Wan really betray the Republic? But if it was a choice between that and the Jedi... Anakin doesn't want to think about it.
But whatever happened to the rest of his family, it's apparent enough that he's lost every single one and he can't stop obsessively thinking about it now. They're all gone and he's here all alone and it seems like he's been alone for countless years already. He can't imagine such a life but he's going to be stuck here living it.
The only familiar anything left other than Palpatine – is he really familiar if he's a Sith and his master? – is the droid in front of him.
With a little help from using the Force, Anakin finally finishes getting the droid's parts back in place and turns it on.
Threepio does that jerk thing that he does when he's waking up and is startled at what he's saying. "Oh – oh my! Who are you?!" the droid exclaims. "Dear me!"
Of course he can't recognize him, because of the armor.
"I'm Anakin," he explains.
"I don't know who you are," the droid protests, still as alarmed as before.
He feels cold, chilled to his core suddenly.
"You are Threepio, are you not?"
"Yes, I am See Threepio Human Cyborg Relations – "
"I made you," Anakin interrupts, heart rate picking up. Why wouldn't the droid remember him? Does anyone?
"I don't remember my maker," the protocol droid protests, "Where am I? Where are my friends? Are you Imperial?"
Friends.
He feels even more numb than he did before.
Threepio isn't talking about him. He doesn't even remember him. Anakin didn't realize he could feel even more alone than he already does.
Wait –
"You are with the Rebellion?"
"I'm not much more than an interpreter. I don't know the details of anything," Threepio objects.
Trying to lie, then.
He knows Threepio isn't stupid.
He just feels sick more than anything else, though. No one remembers him, no one wants him around. Except for Palpatine, apparently. Who was angry enough to yell at him, and he still feels horrible about all of that.
He doesn't know what to do. And there's literally no one he can go to.
Just... focus on finding his son. That's what he needs to do. It's all he can do. And hope that something will start making sense after that.
**w**
The Force is in turmoil.
Sidious has never sensed it more strongly than he does now. He always has a focus on the future, and most importantly on his stubborn apprentice, to know his every move long before he makes it. And he knew that Vader was planning to betray him for Luke. Knew it was coming a long time ago.
But he wasn't expecting Vader to suddenly lose his memory of the past twenty-some years. Or time-travel, if that's what happened.
He forgot how stubborn he could be, back when he was still a boy. Back in the times Sidious enjoyed toying with him so much and he always oblivious to it. Seeing him when he's Anakin again reminds him of that a little, but he's even more defiant than Vader and there's a high chance that he'll be even more likely to turn on him.
Sidious already spent enough time on him. He has no desire to waste even more time remaking him into his apprentice when he already knows how that's going to end. Anakin won't be any more loyal now than he has been all this time.
It's only a question of how long he can play with him, until he realizes what's going on and until Sidious is able to have the replacement he's already planning on ready.
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