Chapter 4: Tests and new names
Over the next couple of days, nothing really changed. Oh, sure, there were some differences. For one, I went to bed each night with a lot fewer bruises without father around. And I was actually feeling excited for the future. Not to mention Rudy's antagonism towards me had decreased, at least on the surface.
Oh, he hated me, I could tell. Rudy blamed me for father's death, but without that wretched oaf to beat mother senseless when he wasn't busy abusing me, Wisteria Hunch had grown a bit of spine and had ruthlessly spanked my brother the first time she discovered him putting acidic mucus into my shampoo.
Rudy didn't try and do anything else to me after that, but he did glare and refuse to speak to me. Which suited me fine, honestly. I barely considered him a sibling at all in the first place. Maybe mom could stamp out the evil that father had incubated inside my brother. Maybe she could convince him Squibs and Muggles weren't sub-human garbage. I doubted it, but wished her all the luck in turning him from the path of the Death Eater. I wasn't going to stick around to watch, however.
Still, my week was going well. And, as the sun dawned on a fine Wednesday morning, I was up early and eager to meet Archibald Tarsworth at the Leaky Cauldron. We were meeting up there to go into Muggle London to have my knowledge tested so they knew where to put me for schooling purposes.
It was the first time I'd get to visit London, in this life or the last. I'd always wanted to travel back in my old life. Sure, I'd gone on plenty of road trip vacations across the USA, visiting the different states during the summer, but I'd only gone overseas once, and that had been to Malta for a distant relative's wedding. Not a lot of time to go sightseeing then, sadly.
'Well, I've got plenty of time now,' I thought to myself giddily as I stepped up to the fireplace.
"Leaky Cauldron!" I called out as I tossed the floo powder into the crackling flames, grin widening as the fire turns emerald green.
I step through, and feel my body get yanked downwards, then sideways, and it is only the prior experience of traveling like this that I knew to keep my left foot up and out, so when I was spat out of the pub's fireplace, I had a foot to put forward, so I didn't stumble or trip. It was still a wild ride, and I wobbled a bit on my feet as I regained my bearings.
"Hello, Edward. Right on time," Archibald said in greeting, smiling at me from a seat at the bar. The Leaky Cauldron was empty save for the older Squib, a couple other patrons grabbing a late lunch, and Tom himself, the elderly bar owner giving me a gap-toothed grin as I appeared.
"Good morning, Mr. Tarsworth. And good morning to you, Tom," I said, bobbing my head politely. Tom's grin widened and he gave me a nod as I went over to Archibald's side.
"Alright, let's get going," my guide to the Muggle world said, leading me out of the bar onto the streets of London. "I'll hail a cab."
"This is how Muggles get around for the most part," he said, explaining to me what the automobiles on the streets were for. "No brooms or floo or apparition. Just various makes and models of automobiles. Though be sure to call them 'cars' when they're the smaller models, and 'buses' for the larger, public transportation versions."
"Like the Knight Bus!" I said, excitedly, like a child would. I already knew about the Muggle world, probably better than Archibald did, but I had to play the role of starry-eyed Pureblood child who'd never seen so much as a TV, let alone an apartment building!
"Yes, exactly! Only the Knight Bus is an outlier. Most Muggle buses are slower and actually obey the rules of the road," Archibald chuckled. "Don't worry, though, you're a bit too young to have to worry about that. Only adults can drive in Muggle society."
I nodded, and when a taxi finally stopped for us, I didn't have to fake being awed by the sights of London as we drove towards our destination. Big Ben! The Eye! I saw so many amazing tourist sites. I had a feeling Archibald had paid the driver extra to take on a bit of a tour so I could see all the most notable sights in the city, since the Tower of London wasn't too close too Buckminster Palace.
After an hour and a half driving around and seeing all sorts of fun things (and reexperiencing the terrors of traffic) we finally arrived at a building that was plain and grey and not all that impressive. I assumed it was a government building, and was quickly taken inside, and then led into a room on the second floor that had a table, a chair, and not much else. It was rather barren. Archibald left me alone to speak with someone else, and I went over to see what I had to do.
There were workbooks on the table, similar to the ones I'd done at home, and looked them over. I was annoyed, as they were incredibly simple. But what did I expect from stuff kids were supposed to know? There was 3rd grade material at the minimum, up to 6th grade as far as I could guess. Which made sense. They wanted to know where I placed.
'History and Geography will be tricky… I don't as much about English stuff as I do about the US, but some of this international and world stuff isn't so bad,' I thought to myself as I filled out the workbooks. 'Hmm, this math and science stuff isn't too hard, though. Some multiplication and division problems? Easy-peasy. Describe the water cycle? Plain and simple!'
It was over in less than an hour, and I went over to the door and knocked on it. When Archibald answered, I handed over the completed workbooks, and he took them with a surprised look.
"I'll have these checked," he said. He gave me a look I couldn't identify, and went back to the table to wait and twiddle my thumbs. In the end, I just began scribbling some simple stuff on scrap paper, drawing dinosaurs and dragons and a bunch of knights.
Thirty minutes later, Archibald returned, a frown on his face.
"Edward, have you ever practiced Occlumency?" he asked out of the blue, and I blinked, surprised by the query.
"Err, yes," I admitted.
"Hmm, I thought so," he muttered, rubbing his chin. "That explains your high score."
I tilted my head to the side, confused, and then realization hit me.
'Oh, cripes, I did too well!' I realized! 'I'm a twenty-something in a kid's body! Those questions were a breeze for me, but what about normal children?'
I silently cursed myself, while also thanking my lucky stars I had indeed practiced some Occlumency in the past.
It was a mental discipline that, theoretically, anyone could learn. No magic required! It was, at its basic, a means of organizing a person's thoughts and emotions. It could be used to strengthen mental protections against foreign intrusion, such as Legilimency, but it was also a valuable aid for sorting and recalling memories.
I'd practiced it for a while when younger in the hopes of finding my magic within my mindscape. It didn't turn out like that in the end, but I did gain a stronger ability to remember things. It was the only reason I was able to remember so much about the Harry Potter world.
It wasn't quite a photographic memory that I now possessed, but it was close.
"Mmm, I should have guessed you'd have studied a little bit of Occlumency. Most Squibs have, at some point," Archibald said, continuing to speak as I remained silent. "It's a common story, actually. There are a lot of tales of magical folks finding and even communing with their magic via meditation, and Occlumency is basically meditation."
He shook his head. "This is my mistake, should have seen this coming. Occlumency makes it easier to recall things, and that's all a test is, in the end. Recalling information and applying it."
"So, what now?" I asked.
"Well, according to the scores, you're simply too gifted to put in Year 7, as a normal eleven-year-old would be," Archibald explained. "Thankfully, the woman in charge of testing is also a Squib, and she noticed this before I could make any more errors. We can put you into a higher grade, up to Year 9, because anything less would be too suspicious based on what you've managed to do here."
"Year 7? 9?" I uttered. 'Was 'years' what the UK called their student levels instead of 'grade?''
"Yes, that is how the Muggles refer to their levels of education," Archibald explained. "To put it into perspective, an eleven-year-old First Year Hogwarts student would be considered a Year 7 in the Muggle system."
"Ah, thank you, I understand, now," I replied, nodding slowly.
Archibald nodded and continued his spiel. "I know it can be daunting to be an eleven-year-old surrounded by thirteen-year-olds, but it's the best we can do. We could also have you take the tests again and have you try to score lower, but it's up to you, Edward."
"Is it possible to alter my records, so I'm registered as a thirteen-year-old in the Muggle world?" I inquired after thinking things over. Archibald's face screwed up in confusion at that.
"Um, yes, I suppose. Why?"
"I don't want to be recognized as a 'genius' or 'prodigy,'" I replied, making air quotes with my fingers. "If I get put into a class of older students, I don't want to be looked at differently. So, the best way to do that would be to claim to be older myself."
'Plus, being older, even by two measly years, speeds up my plans,' I thought to myself gleefully. Instead of waiting to be of legal age in seven years, by Muggle accounts I'd be an adult in five! And the sooner I could become an adult and use certain resources, the better. A lot of doors were closed to me until I reached legal age, both in the magical side and the mundane one. Becoming thirteen years old by Muggle reckoning would kill two birds with one stone!
"If it's just two years," Archibald mused. "I suppose that's not insurmountable."
He then looked me over. "And you could pass for a scrawny thirteen-year-old." He nodded to himself. "Alright then, fine. I'll make it so your papers say you are thirteen instead of eleven. Are you sure you won't regret this?"
"Like you said, it's just two years. A tiny gap," I replied.
"Alright then," Archibald said, nodding his head. "Oh, one more thing, what did you want your Muggle identity to be called?"
"Call me Edward Rose," I declared. "While in the Muggle World, that will be my name."
"Your middle name as your first name I understand, but where does the last name of 'Rose' come from, if I may ask?" Archibald inquired.
"Nana Kettlepoke's first name is Rose," I said. "And she's the only grandparent I actually like."
Partly because she, like her daughter, my mother, didn't mind too much I was a Squib. Disappointed, yes, but also not surprised. She'd been forced to marry her own husband, a close cousin of hers, and then later forced to watch her daughter married off to even more close cousins in order to 'keep the blood pure.' She'd never seen the point of the Pureblood movement, and had been one of the few to realize the dangers inbreeding could – and would – cause. Like, saying, an inordinately higher number of Squibs. I'm pretty sure I have an uncle and aunt on both my father and my mother's sides of the family, but they were squibs and obliviated and ditched as children.
'Too bad Nana Kettlepoke is as timid as my mom,' I thought bitterly. 'At least she's nothing like dad's mother, Granny Hunch! That saggy old bat is just as bad as Sirius Black's mother was portrayed in the books. Damn racist old crone! She must have some Hag in her, I swear!'
I smoothed my facial features over before I let any of my distaste for my messed-up family show itself. Archibald hadn't noticed, or if he had, chose to politely ignore it. Which made sense. Family was important, even more so for a Squib like us. Any member who didn't treat us like crap was probably both rare and highly beloved.
"Edward Rose, it is, then," Archibald said with a nod. "I'll get that squared away, and grab some info on schools for your mother to look over, as well as properties for sale and rent nearby. Just wait here for a bit while I get that all ready for you. And when we're done, we can do some more looking around at London. How about a stop at Harrods?"
"Awesome!" I said, thanking him with an excited nod.
'Hey, this all just might work out!'
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Author's Note: Happy Halloween! Have an extra chapter as a treat!