Chapter 16 - Uncomfortable Truths

Greene Farm

Tess was angrily tidying up her tent, trying to keep herself occupied to keep her mind off of Daryl. She couldn't understand why he was so angry with her and it bothered her to no end that she cared so damn much. It concerned her just how terrified she'd felt when she thought he was dead and it concerned her how much it had hurt when he pushed her way.

Get a fucking grip, she growled to herself. Her cleaning was doing nothing to preoccupy her and so she left the tent to find company other than her thoughts.

She found Rick, map set up on the hood of the Jeep Cherokee again, perusing the layout of the terrain and reshaping their search grid. Daryl's find had definitely narrowed down their radius and Rick felt optimistic, despite Shane's protests otherwise. He was still a little concerned about the necklace of ears he'd found in Daryl's possession but he'd gotten rid of those last night when no one was looking. The man must have been in one hell of a state to have done that.

Rick looked up to footsteps approaching and he saw Tess walking towards him. She looked distressed and Rick felt panic rising in his chest, thinking something had happened with Daryl's condition.

"What's happened? Is Daryl okay?" He asked her as she approached and her expression changed.

"He's fine. Everything's fine." Rick frowned, sensing the complete opposite.

"Okay? You sure?"

"Positive. I'm just tired." Tess sighed and rubbed her face with both hands warily. Rick nodded, not believing her but not wanting to push her either.

"We going out there today, then?" She suddenly asked, pulling the map towards her to take stock of their new plan.

"I thought we could take the day. After yesterday, we don't need anybody going out there on their own."

"Okay, so we go in pairs, we've still got enough people." Tess stated, agitated. Rick grasped her shoulder and stooped to look her in the eye.

"Tess, just take the day okay?" She huffed, frustrated that Rick wouldn't allow her to do anything. But she was reasonable enough not to argue, knowing that if Rick wasn't going to be looking today then nobody else surely would either.

"Are you sure you're okay? You seem bothered by something?" Rick was concerned, he'd not seen her like this before. Tess sucked in a deep breath, realizing she wasn't acting like herself and tried to compose herself.

"I'm fine, Rick, really. I guess I'm just stressed. Life's been a lot lately. But I don't need to tell you that." Rick nodded, completely understanding what she meant. What with Carl, Rick was hanging on by a thread too.

"I know what you mean. It doesn't seem to stop. All the mayhem. We get through it though. I'm not sure if I ever thanked you. For what you did for Carl. For what you've done for all of us." He told her sincerely, incredibly grateful to have her with them.

"You never have to thank me, Rick." She told him honestly. She didn't do the things she did for thanks.

"Maybe. But I'll do it anyway." Rick shrugged and pulled her into a tight hug, which she happily returned. It surprisingly made her feel a lot better and seemed to be exactly what she needed, so she cherished it for as long as was appropriate. When they parted, Rick smiled at her.

"So what are you gonna do with your day off then?" Tess thought about it for a moment and her mind fell on the bow that lay in her tent.

"Target practice I think." She grinned, excitedly.

"Didn't think you'd needed any." Rick chuckled, surprised at her answer.

"Well, I think my bow hunting needs a bit of work."

"Bow hunting?"

Gleefully, Tess told Rick all about her new find and he helped her fashion a bullseye out of an old scrap of fabric and attach it to a tree. She'd encouraged him to give it a go with her and they took turns firing the bow. Rick missed more times than he landed a shot and Tess managed to at least hit the tree most times.

"I think I'll stick to guns." Rick laughed good naturedly, not at all impressed by his lack of ability with the bow but taking it in stride.

"Might be wise." Tess joked, giving him a cheeky grin.

"I better go check on Carl. You good here?"

"Yeah, I'll probably be here a while. Still got a lot of work to do."

Rick left to see his son and Tess walked past the tree they'd been shooting at to pick up the arrows that had missed, backtracking to then pull the others out of the tree. Some of them were really stuck in there and she had to work hard to yank them out. A particularly stubborn one had her twisting and pulling with no luck.

"Need a hand?" A husky, unmistakable voice asked from behind her. Tess fought the urge to bang her head against the tree.

"I got it. Thanks." She grunted, placing her other hand on the tree for leverage and ripping the arrow from its trunk. She turned around reluctantly to face Shane, walking back to her earlier position to take aim again.

"New toy?" He asked, looking her over. Tess scowled down the site of the bow, trying to ignore him. She pulled the string taut, took aim, and released the arrow. She watched on in disappointment as it sailed past the tree. Shane whistled lowly,

"Nice shot, Robin Hood."

"What do you want, Shane?" She turned to glare at him irritably.

"I don't want anything." He shrugged innocently but a few ideas definitely came to mind of what he wouldn't mind doing with her.

"So what? You just came to 'hang out'?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"Not sure what made you think I'd want to." She told him matter of factly. Shane just chuckled, dryly, sensing he wasn't getting anywhere anytime soon with the way this conversation was going. So he decided to change the topic.

"Y'know, I thought about leaving not that long ago."

"That's a shame."

"I thought it was the right thing to do." He said nonchalantly but with a hint of pride, causing Tess to roll her eyes.

"Shame that it was just a thought." She clarified, not wanting to inflate his enormous sense of self importance any further.

"I don't know what exactly you're expecting from me but I can tell you right now that you're barking up the wrong tree." Shane paused for a moment, not having anticipated her bitter disinterest but he didn't let that stop him.

"I guess what I'm saying is, it's not too late."

"I'm sorry?" Tess frowned, unsure where he was going with this.

"You could come with me. I could use someone like you out there on the road with me." Shane brushed her hair away from her neck and casually caressed her shoulder.

Tess froze for only a second but it was enough to make her feel sick. She violently shrugged him off and tried to step away when he grabbed the side of her neck and face in one large hand, his fingers locking themselves in her hair. She grimaced as it pulled at her scalp and his thumb pressed harshly against her cheek.

"Imagine it." Shane said, "You and I."

The double entendre wasn't missed by her and shivers of disgust ran down her spine. He loomed over her and he was so close that Tess could feel his breath on her cheek. She surreptitiously reached down to grab an arrow from her quiver and jabbed it under Shane's jaw before he could notice what she was doing.

"What I'm imagining, doesn't end well for you." She hissed at him and pressed the arrow head hard enough against his neck to draw blood. Slowly, Shane released her and she darted back.

"Killing you would mean nothing to me. You'd just be another body in the sand that I don't know. You're only alive because of Rick. Be thankful for that." She told him coldly and Shane's look became dangerous, like that of a cornered, wild animal.

"You talk a big game but push comes to shove and you won't be able to do it. You and me? I'd win every time." He smirked at her wickedly and Tess knew he was right.

He was bigger than her and the only chance she'd probably ever have of defending herself against him was through the element of surprise. Something she may not always be so lucky to have. She didn't let her mask slip though and drew her bow at him.

Shane chuckled darkly and finally took that as his queue to leave, giving her one last malicious look before walking away. Tess diligently kept her bow up until he was far enough away that she felt safe, her arms collapsing at her sides when she did.

—

Tess didn't spend any more time with target practice, collecting her one stray arrow and returning to her tent for the rest of her day. She felt anxious and far too vulnerable for her liking. Shane was unhinged and she didn't know what lengths he would go to to get what he wanted. Or what he even wanted for that matter. Did he want her dead? Did he want her romantically? She couldn't decide which was worse.

If he did want her for the latter, she certainly didn't think it was anything more than carnal lust but that alone made her worried. A man as unhinged as Shane, wanting that from her without any regard for her feelings. That didn't bode well. The only good thing to come from all of this was that it had taken her mind off her interaction with Daryl that morning.

She didn't want to talk to anyone about what had just happened. Tess was just glad that her archery set up had been far enough away from the camp that no one should have seen them. Last thing she needed was for this to become an issue involving everyone else. She didn't quite know whether people would take her side over Shane's. They'd all known him longer after all. And so she waited for evening when she knew everyone would be gathered for dinner.

Glenn came to fetch her from her tent to let her know they were having dinner inside with the Greene's that night. Lori and Carol were to cook everyone dinner. Their way of saying thank you for the family's hospitality and generosity. Tess was only too happy to walk with him up to the house, doing her best to act normal but truth was, she was feeling incredibly on edge.

Dinner wasn't quite ready when they arrived and people were milling about in the living and dining areas as they waited. Tess lingered by the kitchen, the furthest way away from Shane as possible, as Glenn sought out Maggie. She idly picked at her nails when Dale wandered up to her, a sulky looking Andrea in tow.

"Hey, you give that bow of yours a good go today?" Dale asked curiously and Tess looked at him wide-eyed.

"Yeah, absolutely." She replied quickly. "Nothing to it." Dale looked at her strangely, finding her tone odd. Tess tried to think of a way to divert the conversation before Dale could ask her what was up.

"You okay Andrea, you seem upset." The older woman rolled her eyes and scoffed derisively.

"No, I'm not okay. In case you forgot my sister's dead and everyone's just moved on. Now I make one mistake and it's like no one can even look at me, let alone trust me with my own weapon." Andrea's outburst was unexpected but with the last shred of patience Tess had, she tried to look past it.

"Andrea, I know how you feel and we know what you're dealing with is hard-"

"You know how I feel? You don't have a damn clue how I feel! You never had a family! And don't give me that woe is me bullshit when everyone here basically worships you! No one looks at you like you're crazy, no one tries to leave the room when you enter so they don't have to talk to you. You have no goddamn idea what it's like!" The entire house fell silent, apart from a few gasps.

"Andrea!" Dale scolded her, aghast at her outburst. That was the last straw for her and she let Andrea have it.

"No, you're right. I may not have had a family but I still had people I cared about. The only friend I ever had killed themselves 'cause I couldn't- y'know what, I don't have to explain myself to you. But don't you fucking dare tell me I don't know what it's like. And don't even get me started on how absolutely unstable you are right now. The complex you're hiding behind because you're afraid and arrogant is dangerous!

"You could have killed Daryl today and yet you don't even seem to care. You only seem worried by the fact that your ill-advised gun toting rights have been revoked. And don't look at me like that as if all of this is a surprise to you. You've practically exiled yourself from the group with your attitude and not a single one of us knows why. We're meant to be your friends, we're here to help you but you need a reality check 'cause you're seriously out of line." And with that, Tess stormed out of the house, no longer hungry.

The atmosphere inside the house was uncomfortable. No one had been expecting that and certainly not from Tess. Andrea looked close to tears, unable to deal with being put in her place so publicly and fled the room before anyone could ask her what that was all about.

The news about Tess' family, or lack thereof, was news to nearly all of them and most people looked confused. All except for Carol and Lori.

Carol looked to the other mother, hurt and feeling betrayed but Lori averted her gaze, knowing she'd been made. She had told Andrea the following evening after she found out in fact, seeing the way the blonde woman had looked at Tess so derisively. She did feel guilty about it now, though. She'd certainly never imagined it would be used against Tess in the way it just had, now.

Tess was furious. Her day just kept going from bad to worse and she didn't know what she'd done to deserve any of it. She always did her best to remain calm and level headed but even she had a breathing point. At this moment, she considered whether sticking around with this group was really worth her energy. She felt like no matter how much she gave, it was never enough and perhaps life on her own would be easier. But then she thought about those she would miss. Dale, Rick, Carl, Carol, Maggie, Glenn, T-Dog, Daryl. And there was still Sophia to look for. No, she wouldn't leave. But Lord was she tempted.

She'd fled the house with no destination in mind and ended up out past the old barn, sitting in the tall grass, really wishing they didn't need to conserve their ammo so desperately. She'd love to shoot something right now and she had a feeling the bow just wouldn't cut it. Instead she just let the cool night air wash over her, taking deep breaths until she no longer felt the need to scream. Which took a while but eventually the feeling left. Never in her life had Tess ever thought she'd ever feel so alone like this again. It made her feel like she was back to being a young kid, running away and hiding when the older kids bullied her. It was only when she got older that she started to lash out and fight back but that only got her into more trouble.

She recalled a time when she was fifteen and a group of girls the year above her had relentlessly bullied her for just about everything under the sun. She never had anyone else to stand up for her, no parents to cry to and so she did all she could. She fought back. Which had resulted in her ass getting severely kicked but she'd at least been able to break one nose. As she got older and stronger, with only one goal in mind of joining the military, people began to see her as less and less of an easy target. But all those years of being picked on and harassed made her a firm believer in standing up for those that couldn't do it for themselves.

She hated nothing more than a bully. And she encountered many of those as a woman in the military but she made it her life's mission to prove them wrong. Her promotion to the rank of corporal was all the proof she needed.

But now, with that whole aspect of life gone, was she having an identity crisis? Maybe that's what this was? Who am I if not that? You said it yourself, she thought, you don't feel like yourself. So who was she?