Chapter 24 - Only Way Out Pt. 1

Greene Farm

A week passed and it was all relatively quiet on the farm for the most part. Beth had finally come out of her catatonia but it was abundantly clear that she was still very depressed. She barely spoke to anyone, rarely moved from the bed and refused to eat. It was difficult to watch and Tess couldn't help but feel like they were largely to blame for her mental state.

Randall on the other hand was starting to become more coherent and problematic. They had tied him up in the barn despite how much he begged them not to. None of them were willing to run the risk of him getting loose and they couldn't trust him when he said he wouldn't flee at the first chance he got. The others were no longer hiding the fact that they were unhappy with Randall being at camp with them either. Shane especially.

Tess knew it put them in a difficult position. Randall didn't deserve to die simply because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But could they really let him go and risk their own safety in the process? Rick was dealing with the same conundrum as well and it didn't help having Shane breathing down his neck about it constantly. He knew something had to be done and it had to be soon. The way he saw it, if they let Randall go far enough away from the farm, he'd never be able to find his way back. And whatever happened to him after they set him free, well that wasn't on them.

It was today that he made the call to address the situation with Shane. Not only about Randall but about everything else that had been going on as well. Lori, Otis, his baby. And it was his baby, regardless of whatever Shane thought or felt about it. He wouldn't let it be anything else. And so, Rick mustered Shane to help him deal with Randall. Two birds, one stone.

—

Tess was beginning to get bored with doing chores. She offered to help every time something needed to be done just for the sake of keeping busy but the mundaneness of it all was driving her up the wall. Yet she didn't complain. She'd continue to grin and bear it for as long as necessary but took up any opportunity possible to not wash dishes or do the laundry; which seemed never ending.

The deer her and Daryl had brought back to camp had lifted everybody's spirits and would likely last them another week yet. Nonetheless, Daryl had continued to hunt for his own dinner and had kept relatively to himself since their interaction in the woods. Tess couldn't deny that she was confused by his behavior but what had happened between them that day had been a lot for her to process and she imagined it had to be for him too. So she didn't try to push him into conversation and just let him be.

Daryl didn't really know how to process what it was he was feeling because he didn't really know what it was that he felt. Disturbed, annoyed, frustrated. But they were all feelings he felt towards himself and they were too big and too loud to allow him to sort through anything else. So, instead of misdirecting all of that towards anyone else, he kept his distance and withdrew into himself again.

As Tess hung up the last of the laundry she had been slovenly laboring over, she decided it was time to take a break. It was early morning and yet she had hand washed a mountain of clothes and hung them out to dry just in time for the morning sun. Chores were a good excuse to get up early when she really struggled to sleep, like she had last night. She'd been tossing and turning for what felt like the entire night and into morning and while she'd been tempted to seek out Daryl again, she had to give him his space.

It was the best for both of them really. She was beginning to feel almost codependent and it wasn't a feeling she liked overly much. She valued her sense of independence and she refused to let that go because of a temporary crush.

While she returned the laundry basket to camp, she said her good mornings to the few that had risen already and took a seat with them around the newly lit fire. It was generally all the same people that were up first in the mornings. Carol made a point of rising early most mornings so that she could take charge of breakfast. Dale was a morning person and so was not far behind to begin watch for the day. Daryl was always awake early too but he never joined them for breakfast. And then there was Rick, who, this morning, arrived for breakfast with Shane in tow.

Rick had a grim but determined look on his face and Shane just looked tired, like he'd been hauled out of bed too early. Tess had been making a conscious effort, ever since that day in the field with Shane, to stay away from him but there were others around now, so the likelihood of anything happening was minimal.

"Good morning." Dale greeted them both amicably from beside her. Rick was the only one of them to return the greeting.

"We're taking Randall out today. We'll leave him somewhere. Somewhere where he won't be able to find his way back to us." Rick told them, which came as a surprise to them all.

"You're just going to abandon the boy?" Denounced Dale, clearly disagreeing with their decision.

"What other choice do we have?" Strained Rick. He'd thought this over and over for days and this seemed like the only appropriate course of action. Tess wasn't entirely sure if she agreed with him but she also didn't see much merit in the alternatives either.

"You can let him stay. We have the room." Dale implored.

"We don't have the resources." Shane piped up gruffly, "We're spread thin enough as it is. And I don't know about you but I don't feel comfortable sleeping next to someone I don't know. Not with the women in camp."

Tess rolled her eyes before she could think twice about it. That was mighty rich coming from the likes of Shane. And for a weedy kid like Randall, she didn't hold much concern about being at his mercy. Thankfully Rick hadn't noticed her eye roll but Shane certainly had and he glared at her; warning her to keep her mouth shut. Dale didn't appear overly convinced by Shane's argument either, looking at him skeptically.

"He's just a kid." He pleaded.

"But the men in his group aren't and we can't risk it. At least, this way, he has a chance." Rick interjected before things could escalate between Dale and Shane. "I'm sorry, Dale."

Rick and Shane ate breakfast quickly and they all sat around in an uncomfortable silence, waiting for them to leave. Tess could tell that Dale had more that he wanted to say but he kept his mouth shut for the time being. He didn't hide the unhappy look on his face though and she could sense that it was making Rick question his decision.

Once the men finally left to grab Randall, Dale dropped his plate to the ground in a huff.

"They may as well put the kid down, now. Leaving him out there on his own like that… He's as good as dead." He grumbled and Carol shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Rick's right, Dale. There is no other way to do this." Tess responded with a sigh.

"You can't agree with them on this?" Dale looked at her in shock. "Blood will be on our hands no matter how you slice it."

"Exactly, Dale. We let him stay, million to one chance he integrates fine. The likelihood is, he takes the first opportunity to bring his group back to kill us. Or worse. And that'll be on us. We let him go, maybe he lives, maybe he dies but at least there's a chance."

"You may as well put a bullet in his head."

"Could you?" She rebutted, becoming agitated. "If it came down to it, could you put a bullet in his head?"

Dale gaped at her, stunned by her response.

"Cause that's not an easy thing to do. To look someone in the eyes and kill them. That's not something you can do without sacrificing a part of yourself. You can't expect Rick to do that."

"I don't want anyone to do that…"

"So then we only have one option. Randall's gotta go."

—

Rick and Shane hauled Randall into the boot of the car, his hands and feet bound to ensure he had no chance of escaping. Tess walked over to them just as Shane slammed the trunk closed and climbed into the passenger seat. Rick loitered outside the vehicle apprehensively and waited for her to approach.

"Don't tell me you disagree with this too." Rick winced, his stomach in knots.

"No. I'm on board with Randall." Tess nodded agreeably.

"So what's the face for?" He pointed out and she sighed.

"I'll be honest with you, Rick. It's Shane I don't trust." She told him quietly and Rick led her away from the car where they could speak more privately.

"What do you mean?" He asked curiously but he didn't seem surprised or offended which she found odd.

"I don't think you're a bad judge of character but the person Shane was before all this, the one you were friends with, I don't know if he's that person anymore. Maybe it's hard for you to see it, I don't know but there's things he's not telling you."

"You're talking about Lori?" Rick surmised and Tess fell short for a moment. It wasn't specifically what she had been meaning but it was certainly part of it.

"You know?"

"It wasn't hard to guess. Lori might not think so but I do know her well."

"Maybe it's none of my business but your baby… Shane's not gonna let that lie. Not if what happened with Carl is any indication."

"I know that. But it's not his. I'll let him know that." Rick nodded thoughtfully, knowing he had to have yet another uncomfortable conversation with his friend and then it hit him what she'd said.

"What do you mean, what happened with Carl? Do you mean Otis?" Rick asked hesitantly, feeling sick at the thought that what his wife had told him was now being corroborated.

"I can't say for certain." Tess shook her head slowly, "But the way he acted afterwards… It wasn't right. He's dangerous, Rick, I can tell you that much." She told him gravely and a dark look clouded his features.

He appeared contemplative as he mulled her words over and his eyes glanced anxiously over at his friend. Shane was watching them through the rear window and Tess tensed up uneasily.

"Just watch your back, okay?" She implored him and Rick nodded before steeling himself and heading back to the car. Shane kept his eyes locked on her until they drove away.

Tess watched the car pull away from the house and down the driveway, leaving only a cloud of dust and dirt in its wake. She couldn't shake the nervous feeling in her stomach and immediately regretted not offering to go with but she knew there were things Rick needed to address with Shane and he had to do that alone. The car was long out of sight and yet she still stared off into the distance, chewing the inside of her check.

"What are you looking at?" A hushed voice asked over her left shoulder and she jumped in fright, reaching for her gun that wasn't there on instinct.

"Jesus Christ, Maggie! Don't do that!" She scolded her friend who was looking at her wide eyed and laughing.

"Were you gonna shoot me?" She giggled wildly, a little bit afraid.

"Maybe!" Tess retorted and then joined in the laughter. "No, probably not."

"Probably not is all the convincing I need to never do that again." Maggie chuckled and made a mental note to never sneak up on her friend again. "What were you looking at anyway?" She asked again.

"Nothing. I kinda just zoned out." Tess admitted, shaking her head. "Rick and Shane have taken Randall into town. They're gonna leave him somewhere and hopefully it's far enough away that he doesn't make it back."

Maggie chewed on her lower lip but didn't say anything in response to what she'd just been told.

"Want to check the chicken coop with me?" She asked instead and Tess shrugged.

"Sure, why not." She agreed and followed Maggie over to the where the chickens were penned. "Smashed any good eggs in hats lately?" She teased her and Maggie's face reddened.

"That was a one time thing." Maggie laughed, feeling slightly embarrassed and then her expression dropped. "Actually, speaking of Glenn… He's been acting kind of strange lately. Has he said anything to you?" She asked tentatively and Tess frowned.

She hadn't really spoken much to Glenn lately but it hadn't occurred to her that he was behaving oddly.

"No, sorry, he hasn't. What do you mean?"

"Ever since you guys came back from getting my dad, he's been distant. What happened that day? Really." Maggie urged her to come clean and Tess' frown deepened. She hadn't realized it had had such an effect on Glenn and she kicked herself for not even bothering to check.

"We'd just convinced your dad to come back with us and then two other guys turned up at the bar. They were not good men, Maggie. They tried to find out where we were staying but the things these guys wanted, what they said, there was no way in hell they were ever coming back with us. Glenn… He slipped up a little. The guys found out we were staying at a farm and, well, we did what had to be done."

"Did Glenn…?" Maggie hedged around the question nervously but Tess knew what it was she wanted to ask.

"No. Rick and I took care of that."

"I don't understand…" Maggie lamented, perplexed. "I tried to talk to him about it and all he told me was that he froze. I thought maybe… I don't know. He blames me. Says I got inside his head."

Tess looked at her friend sadly. It was clear just how much she loved Glenn and it was tough to know how much both of them were struggling at the moment.

"It's not your fault, Maggie." She expressed to her emphatically. "I think it was just bad timing."

"What do you mean?"

"Glenn told us you'd told him you loved him… And that he didn't say it back. You probably were on his mind but that doesn't mean you're to blame. He was probably afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Well… if it were me? Afraid of not making it back to tell you the same thing. Glenn is brave but he's not a fighter. The world might make one of him yet but that takes time. And now, at a guess, he probably feels ashamed."

Maggie contemplated her words carefully, trying to wrap her head around the situation. Tess waited patiently for her to mull things over. She had never been adept at love or even really encountered any of these issues herself before but she was good at reading people. It was no mystery to her that Glenn obviously cared for Maggie very deeply but just needed time to figure out where he stood. It wouldn't be fair to Maggie if he were to tell her the same thing and not mean it and Tess was sure he knew that too.

"How do you do it? Read people that, I mean?" Maggie asked her and Tess thought about it for a moment.

"I don't really know. It's something I've always been able to do, I think. People tend to tell you a lot more when they're not actually talking."

"I guess you're right. Remind me to never play poker with you." Maggie joked and Tess laughed, the heavy weight of the conversation lifting.

"Probably for the best. I'd swindle ya'." The pair of them laughed and finally entered the chicken coop.

—

There hadn't been many eggs from the chickens that morning but the ones they did manage to get, Tess and Maggie took inside to put away. Tess didn't feel like doing an awful lot today and so simply sat at the kitchen table, chatting to Maggie as she began to prepare food for Beth.

They mostly talked about what life was like for Maggie growing up on the farm. Tess found it interesting to hear about the vastly different upbringing the other woman had. From Maggie's perspective, her life had been relatively mundane. School, boys, sneaking out at night and getting into trouble. It was all so normal. But to Tess, it sounded anything but and she enjoyed hearing all the silly little stories Maggie had to tell her.

"What was school like for you? I bet you were a straight A's kind of student." Maggie smiled at her and Tess couldn't help but laugh. Shaking her head she said,

"For the most part, I was a terrible student. I constantly skipped class. I didn't really see the point in any of it and I had no one to tell me any differently. It wasn't until I was about seventeen that I started taking things more seriously."

"What made you change your mind?" Wondered Maggie curiously.

"I used to hang out with some not so great role models, let's say. Most of them were older than me and once they left school, I started to realize that, well, their lives kinda sucked. And I didn't want that for myself. So I cleaned up my act and joined the army as soon as I could. That was one hell of a reality check."

"So, you were eighteen when you joined?"

"Sure was."

"Man… at eighteen I was hiding cigarettes from my dad and worrying about whether or not the boys I liked liked me back. Okay, wow, not much has changed really."

Tess and Maggie laughed in unison. It was funny the way life worked. Even though things were so different now, the small trivialities still mattered. In a way, it was comforting to know that would never change.

"Hey, maybe that's a good thing." Tess chuckled lightly when the door to the kitchen opened.

"What's a good thing?" Lori nosily inquired as she walked in. Tess instantly felt deflated and the smile dropped from her face. All the air in the room felt like it had been sucked out as she entered and Tess suddenly felt inclined to leave.

"We were just reminiscing." Maggie told her lightly and Tess nodded in agreement, getting to her feet.

"I oughta get back to the never-ending pile of laundry. I'll catch you later, Maggie. Let me know if you need anything for Beth, yeah?" She had zero intention of doing anymore laundry today but neither of them knew that and so she bid them farewell and escaped from the kitchen.

It was nearing midday and as she walked back to camp, she thought about Rick and how things were going with Randall and Shane. She hoped everything was okay. She didn't know where they had gone to but that wouldn't stop her from trying to find them if they didn't come back.

Carl was sitting alone, under a shady tree doing what looked like math homework and Tess sat down beside him. She hadn't had the chance to talk to him in a while but she'd noticed that he'd been quieter than normal; more withdrawn. Which made her sad because when she'd first met him, he'd been so joyful and bubbly. He was being forced to grow up too quickly and it wasn't fair.

"Hey, dude. How's it going?" She asked, trying to sound chipper.

"Fine, I guess." Carl grumbled and doodled in his workbook.

"Yeah? Do you need any help?" She offered, unconvinced by his reply. Carl just shrugged and continued to scribble. "Carl, what's on your mind? You look upset."

"I shouldn't have to do these stupid math problems." He grumbled and dropped his shoulders in a dramatic huff.

"So don't." Tess told him and Carl stared up at her like he wasn't aware that that was an option.

"But my mom said I couldn't leave here until this page was finished."

"Well…" Tess began and made a show of looking around them. "Let me see that real quick?" She gestured to Carl's workbook and he handed it over. Tess jotted down the answers for the remaining five questions and passed it back to the young boy. "There we go, page finished. Wanna go play?"

Carl looked conflicted for only a second but then was nodding eagerly, a broad smile on his face. He jumped up to his feet, raring to go. Tess laughed to herself and joined him, happy to see that his worries were gone even if only for a short while.

"Wanna play cops and robbers?" Carl bounced excitedly on the balls of his feet and Tess found it impossible to deny him.

"Absolutely! What am I stealing?" She asked gleefully, knowing full well that Carl wouldn't be anyone else but the cop.

—

Tess and Carl spent around an hour playing cops and robbers before he got bored. They were only twenty minutes in and she was already over it but she continued to play along for Carl's sake. Seeing him act like a child for the first time in so long was refreshing and she was willing to play along for as long as he wanted.

The both of them now rested at camp, rehydrating. Carl still beamed happily as he kept one hand on the 'really cool and huge-normous' stick that he found. A phrase that he had personally coined to emphasize just how large it was. Tess looked over at him fondly and hoped that they'd be able to have more days like this. Carl deserved it, there was no doubting that, but so did they. Things had been too terrible for too long but more days like this would surely begin to make up for it.

"Do you think Sophia's happy?" Carl asked suddenly and Tess paused, trying to quickly come up with an answer that didn't feel like a lie.

"Wherever she is, I'm sure Sophia is happy. Have you been thinking about her a lot lately?" She asked tentatively and he nodded slowly but didn't reply. "Does it make you sad?" She prompted, hoping it would help him to process his feelings. Carl nodded again. "It's normal to be sad, Carl. It means you cared. And Sophia knows that. But when we lose someone, we can't stay sad forever because that doesn't feel good."

"How do I stop being sad?" His plea was so genuine and innocent and as he sniffled, it nearly broke her heart.

It didn't feel right to tell Carl that he'd eventually just move on in time. That he'd become occupied with other things in life and just learn to forget. Tess knew it wasn't her place to give Carl life lessons like this but it was hard to watch him struggle and not try to help.

"Someone once told me, our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them. As long as you remember Sophia, she'll never be gone. She'll always be with us." She said softly and waited patiently, allowing him to think her words over. When she first heard that quote it had sounded laughable at best and didn't provide her with any solace at all but the more she thought it over, the more it comforted her. If you were to forget someone, while they still lived, would it matter if they were dead or alive? To remember someone after their death, that kept them alive. The only trouble was that they had traveled to a place that could not be reached by land or sea.

Tess reached over and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder,

"I can't tell you how to stop being sad, Carl, I'm sorry. I wish I had all the answers but I don't. People think grief grows smaller with time but, in reality, grief stays the same size. In time, slowly, life finds a way to grow bigger around it. What I mean to say is, things will get better, I promise you that. ." Carl looked up at her with watery eyes and threw himself into her arms.

Tess held him for as long as he needed.