Chapter 25 - Only Way Out Pt. 2
Greene Farm
Carl eventually calmed down after a few minutes and then was back to his normal, chipper self again. He seemed to forget all about his worries for the time being and Tess found his resilience remarkable. He was going to make one hell of a strong man one day, she was certain of that. For now, he had resumed his search for another, equally large stick so that the two of them could duel and Tess kept an eye on him as he scoured the farm.
The solace was short lived however, when the front door to the Greene's house swung open and Maggie raced down the front steps and towards Tess. The closer she got, the more Tess could see that she was crying and she jumped up to meet Maggie halfway.
"Maggie? What's wrong? What happened?" She probed, concerned.
"Beth tried to kill herself!" She blubbered and wiped at the tears that streaked down her face. Tess froze for a second, stunned by the news and confused as to why Maggie had decided to leave her sister alone after that.
"What do you mean? Is she okay?" She grasped Maggie's arms and her friend took a few steadying breaths before stammering,
"Lori took Beth her lunch and B-Beth hid the knife. I-If we hadn't found it… I don't-"
"Okay, Maggie, you need to go back inside and keep an eye on your sister. I'll join you soon, I just need to get Carl." Tess told her sternly and Maggie nodded before rushing back to the house.
Tess tried to call out to Carl but the young boy was too wrapped up in his own world to hear her. With two fingers in her mouth, she blew out a shrieking whistle which finally caught his attention.
"Carl! C'mere please!" She shouted over to him and he plodded over disappointedly, expecting to be in trouble. "Carl, I need you to stick with Dale for a while okay? I gotta go do something." She told him and he looked up at her with big, brown, sad eyes.
"What about our duel?" He whined, unaware of the dire situation around him.
"It'll have to wait, okay? I'm really sorry. But I promise you we'll do it soon." She said and guided him towards Dale, who was still sitting atop the RV.
"Hey, Dale!" She called out above her and waited for Dale to peek his head over the edge. Tess tried not to give the impression that she was in a hurry, as she didn't want Carl to worry but she did find herself growing impatient.
"What's up?" Dale asked her when he finally looked down.
"I need you to keep an eye on Carl for a while, can you do that for me please?" Dale nodded and shrugged, happy to keep watch on the boy.
"Sure thing. Want to join me up here, son?" Dale said to Carl and Tess gestured for him to climb the ladder.
"Thank you Dale, I owe you one!" She sighed gratefully and ran off to the house.
She had barely even stepped foot inside and she could hear Maggie berating her sister. Lori looked beside herself in the kitchen, frantically washing dishes and feeling immensely guilty. Tess steered well clear of that emotional cyclone and headed straight for Beth's room.
"What the hell were you thinking, Beth?!" Maggie's shrill tone made Tess wince. "How could you even think about doing something like that?!"
Tess entered the bedroom and saw Maggie burning a hole in the floorboards as she paced back and forth at the foot of the bed. Beth was curled up against the headboard. Her eyes were red and tired. Her skin, blotchy and pallid. She looked unwell. She didn't even try to argue back, which only served to irk her sister more.
"Maggie, hey, why don't you get some air?" Tess spoke up quietly, not wanting to make Maggie feel unneeded but she wasn't helping. Maggie paused and stared at her younger sister imploringly. Beth didn't react however and so Maggie huffed and left the room.
Now that the room was quiet, Tess walked to the end of the bedroom and cracked open one of the windows. Beth's room overlooked the back of the farm. From here she could spot her tent. And Daryl's. She perched herself beside the window and gazed out across the farm. She remained silent and let her mind wander, watching the world go by.
Beth felt unsettled by her silence. More so than she felt bothered by her sister's yelling. She kept expecting a lecture but it never came.
"Aren't you going to tell me off? Tell me I'm stupid?" Beth choked out miserably. Tess finally turned away from the window to face her.
"Do you want me to?" She countered. Beth hadn't expected that response.
"It's what Maggie would do."
"Well… she's your sister and you scared her."
"It's not me she should be scared of."
"No, you're right. Are you scared?" Tess asked her curiously and Beth hesitated.
"I don't have to be. I don't have to be anything. I could be… nothing."
"I understand." Tess nodded slowly and Beth glowered.
"Do you?" She retorted spitefully.
"I once tried to OD on prescription medication because I thought I wanted the same. Turns out I didn't."
"I don't want to change my mind."
"I know you don't. I'm not here to tell you what to do, Beth, that's up to you. But do I think you should kill yourself? No."
"You don't even know me."
"I know that you're a kind, caring person that has had to deal with an unkind and uncaring world. What you've been through, the people you've lost, to feel the way that you do is normal. Can I tell you something?" Tess asked and Beth shrugged, feigning disinterest.
"Before all this… I only ever had one person in my life that ever meant anything to me. Maybe I loved him… I don't know. I mean, I did. I definitely did. But like that..? I'm not sure I know what that feels like. But he died and part of me thought, well, what's the point? Of any of this?" Tess swallowed back the tight knot in her throat and turned to look out the window again.
She watched her fellow camp members go about their daily duties and spotted Carl sitting with Dale on the roof of the RV.
"And then I met Rick. And then everyone else. If it weren't for them, I'd probably have eventually opted out too."
In the distance, Daryl walked back to camp with a string of rabbits slung over his shoulder. Tess watched him as he got closer and finally sat down out the front of his tent. As she thought about it now, the fact that Daryl seemed to be avoiding her was beginning to weigh heavy on her. She decided then and there that she wasn't going to put up with it anymore.
"What I'm trying to say is, sometimes we don't always carry on for ourselves but for the people we care about. In time, we find strength and purpose. You're stronger than you know, Beth. Don't forget that."
—
Beth eventually fell asleep as the afternoon sun began to drop. Her and Tess hadn't spoken much more after Tess tried to encourage her to soldier on. She didn't know whether what she had said had even gotten through to Beth but she hoped that at least some of it had. It was tough to see her so hopeless and desperate for a way out.
Once Tess confirmed that she was in fact asleep, she crept out of the bedroom. The house was quiet now and Tess couldn't help but wonder where Hershel was during all of this. The Greene family was falling apart in front of their eyes and they were largely to blame for it.
Tess found Maggie in the den. She was sitting on the love seat with Glenn and the two were speaking quietly. Tess cleared her throat to announce her presence and they both looked her way.
"Sorry to interrupt. Beth's asleep." she told them gently and Maggie rose to her feet.
"How is she?"
"Hard to say. She's scared. But I think she'll be okay. Just keep an eye on her and maybe try not to be so hard on her?" Tess hesitantly suggested and Maggie wrapped her arms around herself defensively.
"I guess I was a bit harsh…" She murmured softly, feeling ashamed.
"You were afraid. That's normal. I'll leave you guys be, I'm gonna get some air." The pair shared a brief hug and then Tess left the house.
The afternoon sun bled over the horizon and a warm array of orange and red hues cut through the clouds overhead. It was silent and still and Tess walked back to her tent, enjoying the quiet and gentle breeze that brushed across her face. Rick and Shane were yet to return to camp it seemed but she hoped to see them back soon, knowing that Lori would surely have a conniption if they weren't to make it back tonight. Tess would wait for sundown before doing anything.
Back at her tent, she rolled up the canvas door and secured it in place, allowing her to sit inside but still enjoy the evening air. She thought about going and practicing with her bow but she didn't have much energy to do anything right now. She hadn't had many restful nights and if she did need to go track down Rick, she had to take the opportunity to rest. She tried to get comfortable enough to sleep but eventually ended up sitting cross legged and focusing on her breathing.
She wasn't much for meditation but she did her best to keep her mind clear and calm. Tess breathed in slowly, feeling the way her chest rose and fell and the cool air filling her lungs. She sensed the sensation of her toes, feet, legs, all the way up to her shoulders and neck. It was as close to meditation as she was going to get and it did the trick. Just the few minutes that she spent gathering her thoughts and emotions left her feeling more aligned.
She thought about Beth and her family. Tess hoped that Beth would be able to find it within herself to carry on. She couldn't imagine what kind of impact it would have on her sister and father. Tess hadn't seen Hershel since the night they returned from Hatlin's a week ago. After he had made sure that Randall wouldn't die, Hershel had secluded himself in his home and did his best to steer clear of their group. However, he hadn't made any further attempt to remove them from his farm and so Tess surmised that he was merely processing and not angry with them.
Small droplets of rain began to fall onto her skin and Tess looked up to the sky. The rain fell slowly, softly, and it was warm as it hit her face. She wasn't concerned about sitting in the rain but turned to roll the door of her tent down; she didn't need her belongings getting wet. As Tess zipped her tent all the way closed, movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention. Daryl was surreptitiously stepping out of his tent but froze when he saw her crouching in front of hers. He looked over at her like he was surprised to see her.
"Hey." She greeted him feebly, sensing that he had in fact been trying to avoid her. This was awkward. Daryl grunted his reply,
"Hey." And then began walking away. Tess jumped up to her feet, she was fed up with him ignoring her and she wasn't about to just let him walk away.
"Hey, hang on a second, would you?" She demanded and jogged to meet him.
"Whaddya want?" Daryl rebuffed her with disinterest. Tess cut straight to the chase,
"I want to know why you've been avoiding me." Daryl stopped in his tracks and Tess, not having expected him to do so, nearly tripped over herself.
"I ain't avoiding you." He said gruffly as he squinted at her.
"Really? You could'a fooled me." Daryl looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't quite bring himself to do so and began marching past her again instead.
Tess sighed to herself. She knew that when she did finally approach Daryl that it was going to be difficult. He did an incredible job of walling himself off when he wanted to but Tess could be just as stubborn as him.
"Are you seriously just going to ignore me?"
"What do you want from me? An apology? Want me to hold your hand?" Daryl spat back at her.
"I'd like for you to stop being such an asshole every time you have a complex emotion." She snapped in return.
"I don't got complex emotions. Not for you, not for anybody. If anyone's got a complex, it's you."
"You really gonna throw that back in my face? I trusted you with some of the worst goddamn details of my life-"
"I don't recall asking you for them." Daryl deadpanned, leaving her speechless.
She hadn't had high hopes for whatever their conversation would entail when she thought about it earlier, but this was so much worse than anything she'd imagined. Daryl seemed intent on pushing her away and she couldn't understand why. Hadn't she proved to him by now that he could trust her? She didn't know what else she could possibly do but she knew that she wasn't about to beg.
"Fine. You can tell yourself whatever fucking story you want in order to make yourself feel detached. I'm done trying to get through to you. Your misery is not worth my time." Tess hissed at him, not caring if her words hurt him or not. She didn't want to give him the opportunity to respond and so she pushed past him and stormed away.
Daryl hadn't planned on being so rude and cold towards her but his default defense mechanism kicked in before he could stop it and then everything just started to spiral out of control. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but all he could think about this past week was his interaction with Tess in the woods. It was the first time since the CDC that he'd ever seen her look so small. The difference this time was that he wasn't just mildly curious but concerned. He wanted to help her, to make her not feel so afraid and that could only mean that he cared about her.
Daryl didn't want to care about her. That only led to trouble and disappointment and he needed neither. So it was just easier to push her away than to accept the fact that he cared about someone other than himself. What he hadn't planned for was for this to hurt as well. He did feel like an asshole but he just convinced himself that it would be better for them both in the long run.
Tess tried not to care about the things Daryl had said to her but he was very good at making his words hurt. She was angry with him and with herself for ever thinking she could trust or rely on him. She felt pathetic and told herself that she was. There's a reason people steer clear of him, what made you think you were any different? She berated herself.
As Tess stormed away from the camp, she clutched the grip of her bow tightly in one hand. She had wanted to get far away from anybody and so quickly detoured to grab her bow before leaving the farm. She knew there wasn't much daylight left and perhaps venturing into the woods was a bad idea but she really didn't care. She wasn't defenseless and she wasn't stupid either. No matter how angry she was right now, she wouldn't let it endanger her wellbeing. She'd always kept a level head in combat even if she was upset or angry and that wasn't about to change now.
The air was a lot cooler among the trees and the rain, despite falling heavier now, was stifled by the canopy. Tess slogged through the damp underbrush as she looked out for walkers. She wasn't going to have any luck hunting in the dark, she knew that already, but walkers were out day or night, rain or shine and she really wanted to vent her frustrations somehow.
She trudged deeper into the forest, down the slopes and towards the more boggy areas. The trees opened up into a marshland where the ground was thick with mud. The stretch of swamp appeared to span at least a mile or two across the forest and a half dozen walkers were trapped in the muck. They all reached out for her and slowly tried to scramble towards her but they didn't have the strength or the coordination to do so. Most of them looked like they had been trapped in the mud for some time and were emaciated and weak. One of the larger ones finally managed to get a foot free but staggered and fell face first into the marsh.
Tess watched as it pitifully struggled in the mud, its hand outstretched and pawing at the toe of her boot. She knelt down on one knee and unsheathed the knife from her hip. The walker's glassy, dead eyes looked up at her hungrily and she stared at its black, open mouth that was gnashing for her desperately. In one swift move, Tess brought the knife down through its skull. The walker gargled and then went limp, its cold eyes still locked on hers. Tess ripped her knife out of the flesh and bone and got back to her feet, kicking the walker's hand into the mud as she did so. She wiped the blade clean and returned it to its holster.
The remaining walkers were deeper into the bog and as much as Tess itched to fire arrows at them, she wasn't going to risk getting herself stuck just to get them back. She stepped back from the dead walker and walked along the edge of the marsh, looking for more that weren't so far away. Ahead of her, she spotted a walker stumbling down the hill towards the swamp. It hadn't noticed her yet and Tess took the opportunity to notch an arrow to her bow. She hadn't had much practice with moving targets yet but the walker was ambling slowly and she felt confident in her ability to hit it. She lined it up, waiting for the perfect moment where it stopped swaying and released the string.
The arrow lodged itself into the walker's neck causing it to stumble but it didn't go down. Tess cursed to herself and lined up another shot. The walker had noticed her now and was beginning to head directly for her. Tess tried not to let it make her nervous and took one final, deep breath before firing the arrow. It pierced the walker's skull to the left of the temple and it collapsed in a heap on the ground.
Triumphant, Tess strolled over to the dead body to pick up her arrows. This small win was what she needed right now and it felt good to have progressed so much with her new skill. She would always prefer her guns, there was no doubt about that, but that was a finite resource now and an arrow was a far stealthier option than a bullet.
The walker was a woman, she looked around mid-late forties. She had mousey brown hair and was wearing a Georgia State University sweatshirt and an opened gold locket hung around her neck. Inside were two photos of a boy and a girl. Tess brushed the filth off of the glass to get a better look and saw two blonde children. The boy looked old enough to be a freshman in college, hence the sweater Tess surmised, and the girl looked like a high school senior. Both were smiling broadly for their photo and Tess felt a hint of sadness for them and their mother. She closed the locket and placed it back down, tucking it under the neck of her clothing as if it provided her some semblance of privacy.
Tess regained her arrows and took one final look at the woman as she stepped back. She hoped that her children hadn't met the same fate as her. Wherever they were, she wondered if they knew or if, like Daryl, had lost their loved one without any closure. As she fought back the urge to begin thinking about Daryl again, she felt a hand sharply grip her ankle and she jumped in fright, causing her to trip over the woman's dead body and fall to the ground. Her left arm hit the exposed root of a tree and she cried out in pain as it sliced through her sleeve and skin. In front of her, a walker she hadn't spotted earlier was trapped under a fallen log and frantically pulling at the ground in a hopeless attempt to free itself.
Adrenaline surged through her as her mind raced to catch up with her body. She wasn't in danger, the walker couldn't get to her but it had definitely caught her off guard. Tess dragged herself back up to her feet and sent a single arrow into the flailing corpse. That was enough for tonight, she told herself.
Tess walked back to the farm tiredly. She was wet and muddy and cold but this didn't bother her too much. The sleeve of Maggie's henley was torn across her upper arm and stained with her blood. It wasn't a deep gash, certainly not deep enough to concern her anyway. She knew Maggie wasn't going to be too happy with her appearance however. She'd have to remember to pick up some of her own clothes before asking to use the shower again.
The storm still wasn't letting up as Tess approached the barn. She thought she could hear arguing but it was difficult to discern through the rain. She rounded the corner to the front and frowned when she saw the light on inside. The same place where they had held Randall this morning. Tess peered through the darkness, looking for the car Rick and Shane had taken off in earlier and spotted it parked at the front of the house. They'd returned but what reason did they have to return to the barn? Curiosity got the better of her and she walked inside. Dale, Shane, Rick and Daryl were all crowded in the corner of the room around Randall who was slumped, semi-conscious, on the floor, his face bloody and swollen.
"We're not murderers!" Dale protested vehemently.
"You got an alternative, man? I'm all ears!" Shane barked back at him. Tess watched from the doorway as Dale and Shane argued about what would befall Randall. Her eyes scanned over Rick, who looked worse for wear and had a fresh set of bruises mottling his face. The kind that came from a fist fight and Tess doubted Randall had the gumption to do it.
"Rick, you cannot seriously be willing to take this boy's life?!" Begged Dale fruitlessly. Tess looked to Randall. He was there because of her. She made the call. It shouldn't be on Rick to suffer the consequences.
"I'll do it."