Chapter 26 - Et tu, Brute?
Greene Farm
"I'll do it." The four men spun around to face her in surprise. Dale looked devastated and betrayed by her offer and she dared not look him in the eye. "Randall wouldn't be here if it weren't for me. It should be me."
"Hell no." Daryl interjected disapprovingly and Tess looked at him for the first time. His knuckles were bloody but the skin was unbroken and she knew it had to have come from Randall.
"Whatever you're trying to prove, we get it. You're tough." Shane dismissed her and she scowled at him, marching forward to confront him.
"I'm not trying to prove anything. Rick's not some cold blooded murderer and I've already got blood on my hands. I don't exactly see you offering." She said tersely and Shane's face turned red in anger.
If he could have killed her with a look, he would have done so right then and there. Her insinuation that Shane was a murderer didn't fall short on Dale either and he sent her a wary look, as though warning her to be careful.
"No one has to kill anybody." He stepped between them both, ushering for them to stand down. Tess took a reluctant step back to appease him.
"You deaf old man?" Daryl sneered, recalling what Randall had confessed earlier. "You heard what he said. His group's bigger than us. You know what they do."
The story the kid had shared with him had made his blood boil. The thought of any of those men finding the farm and doing what they'd done to the young girls at the campsite they found; it made him feel sick. He'd sooner kill Randall himself than risk him bringing them back to their camp.
"We have no choice." Rick agreed. "He's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat."
"You can't do this." Dale pleaded, "You don't wanna do this. I know you don't." He beseeched Tess.
"Of course I don't, Dale. But if the rest of his crew is anything like the men from the bar, I'd rather put a bullet in his head now and be done with it." She asserted and withdrew her gun from its holster, pulling back the barrel to cock it, letting him know she was serious.
"You said it yourself, you decided he was worth saving. Why has that changed?"
"Because you didn't see the way those men looked at me. I'll be damned if I become a victim of theirs or if any of the other women on this goddamn farm do too."
"So he's automatically guilty by association and sentenced to death? He's just a kid." Dale implored.
"What do you want us to do then, Dale? It's been decided." Rick sighed defeatedly.
"Decided by you. He deserves a jury of his peers. You can't just make this decision on your own. Think about the message you're sending your son."
"I am thinking about him."
"I'm asking for just one day. To talk to everybody. You can give me that."
"Fine. We reconvene tomorrow night. Then what happens, happens." Rick commanded them all and his decision was final. He'd let Dale have what he wanted but his tone suggested that no matter what, Randall was going to die.
"We should have a watch on him for the night." Shane suggested gruffly and Tess didn't bother to stick around and offer to help. In her eyes, they were just prolonging the inevitable. They could have been done with him then and there, it didn't make sense to drag it out any longer. No one outcome would be satisfactory for everyone but at least this way, there'd be no risk.
Tess briefly stopped at her tent, dumping her bow and grabbing her backpack with her clothes. She jogged through the now drizzly rain and into the farmhouse. It was quiet inside and most of the lights were off. Tess crept in quietly, not wanting to wake anyone up. It was late and she knew everyone was likely asleep. She didn't want to risk showering and disturbing anybody but she still wanted to clean up.
In the bathroom, Tess set up her backpack by the sink and washed her face with cold water, patting it dry with a nearby washcloth. She then peeled off the shirt Maggie had given her and assessed the damage to the sleeve. The torn fabric was stained with her blood but she did her best to scrub it out.
When she was finally satisfied, or at least knew that she'd done her best, Tess grabbed the same washcloth and ran it under warm water. She began to wipe her wound clean and looked up into the mirror to get a better look. In the reflection, she saw a shadow slowly growing outside the door and then registered light footsteps making their way towards the bathroom.
Tess paused her ministrations as she waited for the person to appear, expecting Maggie or Beth or perhaps Patricia. She certainly hadn't been expecting Daryl. He was the last person she'd planned on seeing again tonight. Daryl stopped in the doorway and Tess felt her back and shoulders begin to tense; feeling far too exposed. She locked eyes with him through the mirror and gave him an icy stare.
"What do you want?" She asked coldly. Daryl's eyes drifted down away from hers and she turned to face him, crossing her arms across her chest. "I'm really not in the mood for a lecture, so if you're here to grill me about Randall, you can piss off."
"I don't care about Randall." Daryl replied gruffly.
"Well, what's new? You've made it pretty clear you don't care about anyone but yourself." Tess shrugged and turned back around. She quickly chose a shirt from her bag, a long sleeve, dark green tee, and pulled it over her head. She gathered up the rest of her stuff and then pushed past Daryl, out of the bathroom.
"That ain't true." Daryl finally replied as he followed her out of the house.
"Really? I'd say caring for someone was a complex emotion and apparently you don't have any of those." She retorted unkindly and bounded down the porch steps.
"What the hell do you want from me?" Daryl huffed, exasperatedly and Tess threw her whirled around in astonishment.
"What do I want? I want you to stop lying to yourself. To me. You think you can protect yourself by pushing people away? Fine. You don't wanna be friends? That's fine too. But you're the one that sought me out just now, so what the hell do you want?" She lambasted him, fed up with his fickleness. It was enough to give her whiplash.
Daryl looked at a loss for words. Tess wasn't overly surprised, she hadn't expected a response from him. She sighed tiredly and shook her head.
"Forget it. Do what you want, Daryl. Just leave me out of it." And so she left him and walked back to her tent alone. She did feel disappointed and a little let down that he hadn't argued with her or fought her on her assumptions. But she'd had enough of justifying his erratic behavior and she couldn't tolerate it anymore.
Tess just wanted to crawl into bed but as luck would have it, she wouldn't be doing so just yet.
"Fuck off, Shane." Tess warned him and threw her gear inside her tent.
"Trouble in paradise? Didn't think the redneck was your type." Shane leered facetiously.
"I think there's a problem with your nose? It seems to be stuck in my business."
"That's cute."
"I try. Now, I must insist, fuck off." She gestured with her hands for him to 'shoo' but he ignored her.
"You think you're mighty clever don't you? You think Rick doesn't know? You think he cares that I killed Otis? I saved Carl. Me. I did. Otis was the price to pay."
"Otis was a person, not a commodity."
"Everyone is a commodity now. You can't deliver, you have no value."
"You've seriously lost your shit." Tess eyed him hesitantly as Shane seethed. "Rick might have let it slide for the sake of his son, but you and I both know for a fact that he cares."
"Whether he cares or not doesn't matter. It's not going to matter."
"What the hell does that mean?" She asked cautiously, not liking his change in tone. It sounded ominous and cautionary.
"You both think you're untouchable but it's about time someone knocked you off your pedestals."
"Is that a threat?" Tess scowled at him as he approached her until they were a mere foot or two away from one another.
"No. This is a threat, your time's about up. Shit has gone from bad to worse since the two of you showed up and it's about time we had a change of leadership around here." He grabbed hold of both her wrists before she could make a move and squeezed them painfully.
"Get the fuck off me." She spat at him and jerked her knee up to hit him in the groin.
Shane must've been expecting it however and he clasped the back of her head, pulling her away with a sharp tug to her hair. Tess stumbled away from him and seized her chance to draw her gun. Shane scoffed,
"How are you gonna explain this to the others, huh? You come in, gung-ho to kill Randall and then kill me? Maybe she snapped? Maybe it was all too much for Tess."
"Maybe they'll thank me." She sneered in return.
"You wanna take that chance? You wanna risk getting rejected, again? Just more people that would rather have you gone."
Tess faltered. She knew Shane was just trying to get in her head but it was working and she found herself lowering her gun slowly. She kept her guard up though in case he dared to try anything.
"There a problem?" A voice asked from behind her and Tess thought she'd never felt so relieved to hear Daryl's voice, even if she didn't want to be around him right now.
"Nah, no problem. I was just leaving." Shane replied and gave her one last dangerous look before heading back to his own rent. Tess kept an eye on him as he left, ignoring Daryl who was standing beside her now.
"What was all that about?"
"It was nothing."
"Sure didn't look like nothing." Daryl sounded unconvinced.
"I appreciate you stepping in but if I needed your help, I'd ask for it. I'm not your problem, remember?" Tess reminded him and ducked into her tent, leaving Daryl to wonder about what he'd walked in on.
Tess slept with her gun beside her pillow that night and Daryl didn't sleep at all. In fact, he didn't even bother going into his tent, instead he chose to stay up in case Shane decided to come back.
—
The next morning, Tess lay in her tent with a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. It made her not want to get out of bed. She stared up at the canvas ceiling, watching as the dew on the outside of her tent disappeared with the morning sun. She knew what was in store for them today. By some miracle, they would set Randall free and he would live but on the other, much more likely hand, Randall would die today.
She sympathized with Dale; she really did. Tess knew it wasn't an easy choice to make and she had to agree that whatever decision they made, would be a pivotal moment for the group. For better or worse, she wasn't quite sure just yet.
What she did know was that if they chose to kill Randall… she had to be the one to do it. She put them in this position and so she would have to be the one to deal with the consequences. It wasn't fair to expect Rick to do it for them simply because he had been appointed as leader.
Tess allowed herself a long, slow stretch as she yawned and prepared herself for the day ahead. She put her gun back in its holster, rolled on some deodorant and tightened the laces on her boots that had started to come loose during the night. She didn't like to sleep with her boots on but she didn't want to risk being caught bare footed and needing to run. Especially not when the only security she had was the thin walls of the tent.
She didn't feel particularly hungry this morning. The tight coil still twisting within her stomach making her feel nauseous. The fresh air outside the tent helped however and she took a deep breath as she stepped out. It was later in the morning than she normally woke, after 9AM she suspected, and she was surprised to see that she wasn't the only one still at their tent.
Daryl sat in the doorway of his own, fiddling with his crossbow and bolts. He rose to his feet when he saw her and the pair of them just looked at one another, neither of them saying anything. Tess didn't know if there really was anything to say. She had been rather rude to him yesterday. She'd been upset and angry but now felt like a fool for allowing herself to become so emotional. She wasn't about to apologize though.
Daryl didn't know what to say either. He didn't want to explain why he had been sitting there. The thought of her knowing that he had stayed up to watch over her made him want to jump off a cliff or throw himself into a herd of walkers. That would surely be less uncomfortable.
Tess could tell Daryl wasn't about to say anything any time soon and she held back a sigh. She had to stop expecting things from him. Daryl was a man of few words and little emotion. He didn't care to make friends and he preferred to be left alone. Daryl was Daryl. She had to stop expecting him to be any different.
Tess quietly bid him good morning and then left. She didn't want to risk saying anything more and possibly blowing up at him again or worse yet, apologizing. She had neither the strength nor the willpower to deal with all that today. Especially not with Randall's fate weighing heavy on her mind.
"Morning, Carol." Tess greeted the older woman as she walked up behind her. Carol appeared to be washing up the dishes from this morning's breakfast.
"Oh! Good morning. You're up late."
"Figured I'd sleep in for once."
"You deserve it. Do you want some breakfast? I can make you some? Sorry, I thought you'd headed out early or something, otherwise I would have waited."
"No thank you, Carol, I'm fine. I'm actually not feeling all that great this morning, to be honest with you."
"Oh dear, you've not caught a cold have you?"
"No, it's not that." Tess shook her head feebly and sat down. Carol gave her a sympathetic look.
"Is it because of this Randall boy? Dale told us this morning."
"I don't want to kill him. But I was the one that went back to save him. That makes him my responsibility and I should be the one to suffer the consequences."
"Isn't Randall the one suffering though?"
Tess paused. She knew Carol was right. It was his life on the line. Her guilt and anxiety was nothing compared to the fear and dread Randall must be feeling.
"What would you have me do, Carol? We can't let him go. Surely you can understand that."
"I don't know, Tess, I really don't. All I know is I don't want anyone to get hurt over this. But if it's us or them…"
"It is us or them."
"Then I'm sure you'll do the right thing."
—
Tess' chat with Carol only served to make her feel more conflicted. The only way this ended was with someone getting hurt but were their lives really worth his? She wasn't entirely sure if it was justifiable but she couldn't begin to question things now. They were running out of time to come to a conclusive, unanimous decision and Tess knew she had to stick to her guns. Being on the fence now, wasn't going to help at all.
As the morning wore on, she watched as Dale approached each member of the group, begging each of them to see reason and spare Randall. She couldn't tell who, if any, were convinced or in agreement with him. Most just appeared uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. She could understand why. Far gone were the days when the worst part of someone's day was an annoying co-worker or bad traffic.
While Dale did the rounds, Glenn took over watch for him on top of the RV. Even from her position at camp, Tess could tell that he didn't want to be up there. She could see him keeping more of an eye out for Maggie than for any type of danger. If she weren't in such a poor state of mind right now, she would have found it funny. Tess got up and trudged over to the RV to relieve him. At least this way she'd have something to do and maybe get out of this haze that had been clouding her all morning.
"Hey, loverboy!" She shouted from the bottom of the ladder. Glenn jumped in his chair and searched for her over the edge of the roof.
"Loverboy?" He asked uncertainly, frowning.
"I could see you pining from a mile away. Why don't you go find Maggie? I'll take over." Glenn's cheeks reddened with embarrassment. He hadn't realized that he had been so obvious and he hoped no one else had noticed.
"Oh God, really?" He withered in shame and pulled his hat further down over his face, as if he hoped it would consume him.
"Don't worry, everyone else is too busy to notice." She shrugged and climbed the ladder to the roof.
"You're not busy?" Glenn asked curiously, just glad to no longer be talking about himself.
"Not right now I'm not. I'm kinda just hanging around waiting for the ax to drop." She told him and he nodded understandingly, his eyes drifting out over the farm to find Dale.
"He's still trying to convince people that we should let him go?"
"Until the very end."
"It's sad."
"It's admirable." She corrected him. While she didn't agree with Dale, she did find his stubbornness commendable. "Not many people agree with him, it seems. It's not easy to go against the grain like that and stick with it, especially if you're the only one that thinks that way. We're talking about killing a person. I'm surprised more people aren't on his side if I'm honest with you."
"If what I've heard about his group is true, I don't want to risk them getting anywhere near Maggie. Or any of you."
"Speaking of, go find her. I'm sure we'll only talk about this again later."
Glenn nodded in agreement and started towards the ladder.
"You alright? You seem kinda… I dunno. Off."
"Off? I guess so. It just feels like there's this never ending river of shit that we have to wade through, y'know? Gets a bit exhausting." Tess shrugged tiredly and took up post.
"I get that. But you're not alone, don't forget that."
"Thanks, Glenn. Now, seriously, get going or I'll revoke my offer." She said sternly but with a smirk on her face and Glenn didn't argue.
Tess watched him hurry away from the RV and towards the farmhouse eagerly. She couldn't help but feel a little envious of him at that moment. Glenn had something, someone to distract him. Someone that made him happy even when things seemed to be at their worst. It was special and he was incredibly lucky to have that, especially now.
—
Tess stayed atop the RV for most of the day, until the sun began to drop below the horizon. Thankfully, it had been a largely uneventful day. At one stage, she thought she spotted something over by the forest but it was too small and too far away for her to discern. By the time she had raised the binoculars to her face, the shape was gone. That had been early afternoon and nothing of note had really happened since.
If she weren't dreading tonight so much, she would have deigned to say that she was bored. But as the sky grew darker, she wished she could do nothing but sit up here and look out over the farm. Time felt like it was working against her however and soon enough, the lights were turned on inside the farmhouse and people began to congregate indoors, all knowing what awaited them.
Tess reluctantly rose from her seat and stared down the house apprehensively. She didn't want to argue about whether or not someone deserved to live or die. It shouldn't even be a discussion; she knew that. But things were different now. Dale needed to be convinced of that.
She took her time climbing down the access ladder and walking up to the house. T-Dog sat on the top step of the porch looking about as apprehensive as she felt.
"Hey T, you good?" Tess asked as she approached him.
"Just enjoying the calm before the storm, y'know?" He replied with forced enthusiasm. Tess nodded grimly and reached down to squeeze his shoulder.
"Time to face the music." She told him and T-Dog sighed sullenly. Despite this, he got to his feet and motioned for her to lead the way.
It appeared that they were one of the last few people to arrive, with the exception of Andrea and Daryl. Andrea had been keeping watch over Randall as requested by Dale and Daryl was God knows where. The former of the two arrived soon after them and aligned herself with Shane, who appeared unbothered by her presence. More in like a 'he didn't care that she was there' kind of way as opposed to actually being comfortable with her presence.
Dale was wearing a hole into the floor of the living room as he waited for the final member of their group to arrive. He anxiously twisted his hat in his hands and quietly muttered to himself. It was clear that he was distressed and Tess kept her head down to avoid eye contact with him.
A few minutes later, Daryl finally arrived. He looked tired and grumpy and he tucked himself into the corner by the door, avoiding everyone. Tess sat at the dining table and surreptitiously glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.
"Well, we're all here now." Shane announced impatiently, causing Tess to snap back to attention. "Anyone got anything they want to say?" The room remained quiet for a moment as everyone looked around waiting for someone else to begin the conversation.
"We have a kid's life in our hands. What kind of people are we if we decide that a kid is not worth saving?" Dale stressed to the group and Tess frowned to herself.
"Randall is not a kid, Dale." She argued. "Carl is a kid. He is our responsibility and it's up to us to protect him."
"We don't even know if he's a danger to us." The old man emphasized and Rick shook his head,
"We don't know if he's not. It's not worth the risk."
"I can't accept that there is no other option. I just can't." Dale sounded deflated and Tess could tell that his faith in them was dwindling.
"So how do we do this?" Glenn asked, mediating the situation. "Just take a vote?"
"Does it have to be unanimous?" Lori asked uncertainly.
"How about majority rules?" Suggested Andrea.
"Well, let's... Let's just see where everybody stands, then we can talk through the options." Rick proposed and Tess fought the urge to roll her eyes.
It was clear by now where everybody stood. Dale had been the only one to speak up in Randall's defense so far and as far as Tess was concerned their silence was as good as a vote for his execution.
"Well, the way I see it, there's only one way to move forward. Killing him, right?" Announced Shane and Tess saw a few people shudder. "I mean, why even bother to take a vote? It's clear which way the wind's blowing."
"If we do this, we're saying there's no hope.
Rule of law is dead. There is no civilization."
"Take a look around, Dale. Civilization is long gone. There are no laws or rules anymore." Tess interjected tersely and somewhat harshly. Dale looked at her, stunned.
"Gone are our morals too?" He replied, aghast.
"Our survival comes first." She deadpanned.
The air in the room was tense and Tess could tell people were surprised by her strong position on the situation
"If we go through with it, how would you do it?" Lori asked her husband and Rick's skin lost some color at the thought. "Would he suffer? We could hang him, right? Just snap his neck."
"I thought about that. Shooting may be more humane." Rick replied, putting on a brave face.
"And what about the body? Do we bury him?" His wife continued.
"Hold on, hold on! You're talking about this like it's already decided." Cried Dale incredulously. "This is a young man's life, and it is worth more than a five-minute conversation! Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him?" Dale stared Tess down and she grit her teeth, waiting for what he had to stay next.
"You saved him, and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people that we're so afraid of?"
"Because we don't seek people out to rape and murder!" She bit back, getting up from her seat. "This hasn't been a five-minute conversation, Dale. It crossed my mind the second I decided to go back for him. Maybe that makes me stupid or maybe just human but I know now that I made the wrong call and I'm so sorry for the position that's put us all in. But we have a responsibility to protect our people first and if that means killing Randall then so be it."
"I feel like I don't even know you…" Dale said in a hushed tone and Tess felt a lump grow in her throat; his words hurting more than expected.
"Maybe you don't." She responded coolly, and Dale looked at her disturbed. He could tell that there was no getting through to her and so he changed his aim to Rick for a final attempt.
"You once said that we don't kill the living."
"Well, that was before the living tried to kill us." Rick replied.
"But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were, the world that we knew is dead. And this new world is ugly. It's harsh. It's survival of the fittest. And that's a world I don't wanna live in. And I don't believe that any of you do. I can't. Is no one else with me?" Dale pleaded to no avail and he shook his head with disappointment. "Go hide your heads in your tents then and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. I won't be a party to it. This group is broken."
With a final, painful look, Dale stormed out of the house and into the night, leaving them all to stand in his wake. T-Dog had been right. This had been a storm. True to form, many people did leave to return to their tents, distancing themselves from the drama. Even Daryl left the house, which she found surprising. Tess lingered with Shane and Rick in the house, waiting for the Sheriff to make the call. Instead, he walked towards her and asked her to join him in the other room, away from Shane.
"Don't take this the wrong way but I don't want you in on this." Rick told her and she did her best not to but she couldn't help but feel offended.
"Why?" She asked defensively.
"I know you think this is your fault and your responsibility but it isn't. I'm worried about you. What this might do to you if you do this."
"What are you talking about?" She quizzed him again, at a loss. Rick looked over his shoulder but what he was looking for, she didn't know.
"Just let me handle this, okay?" He implored her and as stubborn as she was, she wasn't about to argue with him on this.
"Okay fine. I'll sit this one out." She acquiesced, allowing Rick to take the lead. Rick smiled at her thankfully and left the farmhouse with Shane.
Tess was dumbfounded by the brief interaction. She couldn't understand what had brought on this request. It left her feeling like maybe she had been overstepping her role within the group. She had promised Rick that she wouldn't step on his toes and in fact told him that she didn't want to be the leader. Maybe he thought that had changed? As far as she was concerned, it hadn't but perhaps she just wasn't able to fall out of that leadership role as easily as she hoped.
She tried not to let it get to her but as she walked up to the front door, she felt anxious and jittery. Much to her surprise, she wasn't the only one still at the house. Leaning against one of the porch beams, Daryl took a long drag of a cigarette and puffed out a small cloud of smoke. Tess' fingers itched for the vice.
"You got another one of those?" She asked, forgetting all about being upset with him. Daryl looked over his shoulder at her curiously. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a squashed, white box of cigarettes. He withdrew one and offered it to her and she accepted it greatly. "Thank you." Daryl ignited his lighter and Tess leant in, the vice positioned between her lips as he lit it for her. The fact that his hands were so close to her face seemed unimportant right now, when normally that would make her nervous.
"Didn't know you smoke." Daryl said casually and she inhaled deeply.
"I try not to." She said quietly, her eyes squeezed shut as she embraced the nicotine. Her and Daryl smoked in silence on the porch for a couple minutes, both unwinding from the ordeal inside.
Daryl had been quietly surprised by the way Tess had so vehemently argued against Dale. It wasn't so much a surprise that she had it in her but it was impressive to watch nonetheless. He couldn't disagree, she was right afterall. Their group had to come first. He stole a glance her way and watched her rub her forehead tiredly. He was itching to ask her a question he was dying to know the answer to. He hadn't wanted to ask her right away as she seemed distressed but he couldn't fight back his curiosity anymore.
"Why aren't you at the barn?" He probed. Tess shrugged and shook her head,
"Rick asked me to sit this one out." She admitted and Daryl nodded slowly.
"Why?" He followed up, his tone not denoting any surprise.
"I don't know. He says he's concerned about me." Daryl eyed her carefully, like he knew more than he was letting on but Tess was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to notice.
She stared out across the farm towards the barn where she could see a hint of light coming from inside. She wondered to herself whether Rick and Shane had done it already, thinking maybe they had opted to not go for the gun. She still couldn't wrap her head around why Rick was suddenly so concerned for her well-being and mental state. Sure, he had previously expressed concern, as a friend does but not in such a way that made her think he knew she was particularly struggling. In fact, when she first offered to do the job herself, he hadn't fought her on it. So what changed?