Chapter 30 - The Space Between

Peachtree City

Tess leant against one of the columns of the Publix entrance, watching the sun rise through the rain. After waking in the early morning, she'd approached Rick who had been on watch to make sure he was okay with her going back to get more supplies before they left.

"Don't you want to stay?" He had asked her, confused as to why she was preparing for them to leave.

"This bank is only gonna be so safe for so long. Any day now another group will roll on through and they may not be so friendly." She told him her reasoning.

"What about Marcus and the others?"

"They're going to Senoia today. They've been in contact with another group who's agreed to take them in." Rick's face had automatically lit up with hope and it was an awful feeling to have to crush it so immediately.

"Before you ask, I tried. We contacted the group last night. If we go with them, they won't take Marcus and the others in. I can't do that to them. I'm sorry."

Rick had looked so deflated. It was like a carrot on a stick that was dangling just out of reach and the closer they got, the further it moved away. Nonetheless, he understood. It wouldn't be right for them to jeopardize this opportunity the others had. For now, they would continue on their own and find some place safe that they could call home.

"You shouldn't go on your own." Rick advised her and Tess nodded agreeingly; she hadn't planned on going alone. Tess had planned on asking Daryl to come with her. Try as he might, it was obvious to see that he was awake and failing to fall back asleep. Same as her, she knew he'd appreciate being able to have something to do. She crept passed the others that were still sleeping and over to Daryl. He opened his eyes as she approached.

"Come with me?" She whispered to him and he did.

—

It hadn't been raining when they left in the dark but it was pouring down so hard now that there wasn't much of a sunrise to watch. Her backpack was full to the brim with hygiene products and more medication and she had a duffel bag at her feet that was filled with tinned food. Daryl was still inside the supermarket and Tess enjoyed the brief moment of solitude and smell of petrichor in the air.

There was going to be more bad weather like this in the days to come, she was sure of that. Winter was fast approaching and with it came rain and snow. Normally, Tess enjoyed winter but something told her that would change this year. As long as they had somewhere safe to sleep at night, that's all that would matter in the end.

Out of the corner of her eye, Tess spotted Daryl exiting the supermarket. He had his backpack over one shoulder and his crossbow over the other. He was wearing the makeshift poncho she had given him but was wearing it slightly thrown over one shoulder, almost like a cape. Tess smiled at him as he stood alongside her, staring into the rain.

"Bad timing, huh?" She laughed softly and Daryl looked up at the dark rain clouds with only mild disdain. It was bad timing but if it meant that they could stay here just a little bit longer where it was quiet and just the two of them, Daryl didn't mind. Anyone else, maybe it would be different, they would feel the need to fill the void by talking, but she could be quiet and enjoy silence.

Tess watched him contemplate the sky and wondered if he was deciding to brave the weather or not. He didn't appear to be overly interested in facing the rain though and as he sat down against the column opposite her, it answered her question. She sat down against her own, joining him on the ground. Rain splashed against the pavement and Tess held out her hand, feeling the chill of the cold rain and the coarse, wet pavement underneath her palm. She watched as her hand turned pale and the broken skin around her nails turned a bright shade of red.

She pressed her cold hand against her face, embracing the chill of it against her cheek. It was, in some peculiar way, soothing. Not to say that she felt stressed, in that moment she felt very relaxed. Content, even. Peeking up at Daryl, she felt like she was spying on him as he watched the rain. His hair was starting to grow longer and his tan was starting to fade, his stubble now more of a fully formed goatee and it made him look older somehow. Maybe older wasn't the right word, perhaps wiser, more confident was better suited. He seemed to be lost in thought and Tess wondered what it was that was on his mind.

Little did she know that he had been doing much the same just moments ago. Watching her watch the rain and wondering what it was that she was thinking about. He wondered if she was sad. Upset that she felt obligated to stay with them when she wanted to leave. That she was forced to stay with them when she wanted to be with someone else. Daryl's own insecurities had him convinced that she wasn't staying because of her own choices but because of what others were expecting from her. If that were the case, then that didn't sit well with him.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked, not turning to look at her. Tess froze, feeling like she'd been caught.

"Of course."

"Why are you staying? Why not leave with him?" Daryl's tone wasn't hostile this time, instead it was curious. Like he genuinely couldn't understand why she was choosing them. It made her feel terrible.

"Because I want to be here with you." She answered far too quickly. "With all of you."

"But you seemed so relieved to see him?" Daryl continued, even more confused now.

"I was, I am. I thought he was dead. But I have other people I care about now. And so does he. I'm far too much of a loyal dog to turn tail and run because of past history. If I ever wanted to leave, I'd tell you."

Daryl finally turned his head to look at her and he almost seemed distrustful. Like he couldn't quite believe what it was she was telling him. Tess understood that he had trust issues and whatever they stemmed from was going to take more than just her words to convince him that she was being honest and break through that barrier. She at least felt like she was getting somewhere now that he was willing to sensibly ask her about it instead of becoming upset with her.

His shoulders rose and fell heavily, as though he were stressed. Tess didn't know what prompted her to do it but she inched herself towards him and slowly reached out to grab his arm like he had done for her in the forest by the Greene's farm. Her fingertips brushed the exposed skin of his arm and it was soft and warm against her cold hand. Daryl felt himself shiver but didn't pull away. He recognized the familiar way in which she clasped his arm and allowed himself to feel her steady heartbeat underneath his calloused hand.

"If you don't trust me yet, that's okay. I can do that for the both of us."

—

The sun wasn't shining but the rain had now stopped and Tess and Daryl returned to the bank to find the others beginning to congregate outside in preparation to leave. They were welcomed back with surprised and eager hello's as they offloaded their latest haul to share amongst them all. Tess handed out more food and feminine hygiene products to the women from Marcus' group and they accepted them gratefully; relieved to have made such helpful new friends, even if it was only to be short lived.

Marcus finished tacking his horse and watched on from the back as Tess and Daryl emptied their bags. Daryl's new poncho didn't go amiss with him either and he stared down the man with the crossbow in surprise. Marcus began to notice that he seemed to keep one eye on her at all times and the staggering realization that the two may be an item almost made him laugh. Not because he didn't think that they were an unlikely couple, Daryl seemed tough enough to handle Tess and vice versa, but he found it humorous that of course it would take an end of the world event for her to find someone. Then he recalled her packing clothes into her backpack yesterday and suddenly felt very protective.

"Well, I guess this is it." Rick announced, breaking Marcus' concentration. "It's been a pleasure meeting you all."

One by one they all approached one another and either shook hands or hugged, bidding one another farewell. They may have only spent less than twelve hours together but the shared bond of what it was like to struggle and overcome brought them together very quickly.

Tess circulated the group, hugging the Morris' goodbye and wishing them well in Senoia. She then stepped back to see Marcus sharing a firm handshake with Daryl. They were too far away for her to hear what they were saying but the interaction looked tense and that alone made her nervous. Normally Daryl steered clear of physical contact but they both appeared to be waiting for the other to let go, not wanting to lose whatever unspoken competition was going down between them.

"F.C." Tess called out casually, hoping it would call an end to their pissing contest, "Get your ass over here and come say goodbye so I can leave you."

His stern appearance disappeared almost immediately as he laughed and waltzed over to her.

"Leave me? Leave me heartbroken." He joked, pulling her into a hug which she returned in full.

"You make it so easy to say goodbye." She replied with mock displeasure, which only made him squeeze her tighter.

"You'll miss me." Marcus finally let her go and gave her a crooked smile that let on how much he regretted not being able to bring them all with him.

"Yeah, I will." Tess acquiesced, feeling the finality of the situation.

Marcus' smile fell and he looked down at her with apprehension,

"Be safe, okay?" He implored her seriously now and Tess nodded,

"Always. You too, yeah?"

"If you need me, you come find me in Senoia."

"Senoia's not that small."

"You'll find me. Ask around for Woodbury."

—

5 Months Later

They'd been on the road, moving from one place to another, for the entirety of winter. Food was scarce, safety just as much so and at times, it was frightening just how dire their situation was. No one place seemed to last them longer than a few days, a week at most, and they were constantly on the move trying to stay one step ahead of danger. It was stressful for all of them but mostly for Lori.

She had to be seven, nearly eight months pregnant now and the stress of being constantly on the run and concern about whether she was going to have anywhere safe to deliver her baby, had them all worried. Rick was becoming more haggard by the day, stifled by guilt for not being able to provide for his family and the fact that his wife barely even spoke to him anymore didn't help but add to the weight. As Rick's resilience waned, Daryl stepped up to fill the space, helping to keep everyone safe and to support Rick.

Tess found herself as more of a silent partner in their company. She didn't call the shots, it wasn't up to her where they went or what they did but she was consulted. She stepped up when she needed to, hunted for them all as best she could, but also happily took direction when instructed. It was a familiar role and she willingly continued to play it. Tess did hope that one day soon they wouldn't have to continue on like this though.

She was exhausted and while the exhaustion helped with the insomnia, the two were not a great mix. She was far too tired to have any kind of extraneous conversation with anybody, conserving her energy for only when she needed it. Which meant that her relationships with everybody, Daryl in particular, had grown stagnant. There was more of a sense of trust and protectiveness amongst them all but Tess lately found herself feeling lonely and disappointed.

She had had lots of time to be introspective and often found herself thinking about him. She was proud of him and the way he had stepped up. Daryl took to it so naturally that it was wonderful to see him gain the trust and respect of everyone in the group. Tess knew he was occupied with the most important task they could possibly ever have, surviving, and so was she. But the truth was, she missed him.

The opportunity to be as they were before never really arose and the direness of their situation wasn't conducive to pleasant conversation either. She often wondered what he thought about it. If he thought about it as much as her, if at all. Whenever she rode with him on the back of the bike, she thought about saying something but it never felt right. Instead she continued to stew in it and did her best to not let it distract her.

Daryl did very much the same. To say that he was disheartened would be an understatement. He knew that things were difficult now, he could see how much it was taking a toll on her, how much it felt like it was taking a toll on him, but he couldn't help but feel like he was slowly pushing her further and further away. She didn't always ride with him now, she seemed to prefer that he work with Rick instead and when they weren't trying to escape some situation or other, she kept to herself.

There wasn't one set point in time or thing that happened that he could pinpoint as to the reason why this was happening. It seemed to be a slow, gradual change over the last few months. He didn't want to find somewhere for them to live just so that they could be safe anymore. He wanted to find somewhere safe so that they could go back to the way things were.

They were currently stopped on the highway discussing where to go next. They'd been going around in circles for months trying to avoid and outrun the herd that had decimated the Greene's farm. It was beginning to feel like a cruel game of snakes and ladders where every ladder morphed into a hungry reptile just as they reached the last rung. It was a half hearted argument about which route to take that finally prompted them to take a break.

Tess leant against the bumper of Carol's Cherokee trying to ignore how hungry she was, how thirsty she was and just how generally miserable she was. She knew she wasn't alone in feeling that. The look on everyone else's faces said pretty much the same thing. Carl was particularly pouty today and Tess watched him sadly as he approached her.

"Hey buddy, what's up?" He remained silent as he sat down beside her and Tess didn't pester him for an answer.

"Do you think my dad is mad at me?" He mumbled glumly and Tess looked down at him in surprise. He was too focused on ripping apart a leaf to notice her shock.

"No, I don't think that at all." She responded evenly, "What makes you say that?"

"Last night… I was just so hungry." Tears welled in Carl's eyes as he brought up the events of last night.

They'd found a house to set up in for the evening and all they had with them to eat was an owl that Daryl had killed, which was going to do little to feed them all. Carl had taken it upon himself to find any food that he could within the house and had come back to the living room with a tin of dog food. It had been a shock for them all and it was obvious that Rick was devastated that this is what they had come to. Especially under his guidance. To Carl's young eyes, he hadn't seen guilt or sadness, he had only seen anger.

"I was only trying to help." Carl sniffled, struggling to understand why his father had lashed out so harshly.

"I know, Carl. And your dad knows that too. He wasn't angry with you, I think he was just upset." Tess placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and he looked up at her with shiny eyes.

"Why?"

"He just wants what's best for you and he's not been able to give you that just yet. I think he's more upset with himself than anything else."

Carl seemed to reflect on her words for a moment, for the first time trying to see things from his fathers perspective. Tess was well aware that this teaching moment probably shouldn't have come from her but she refused to turn the kid away when he so desperately needed guidance. Carl slowly leant into her side and she wrapped her arm over his shoulder for a hug.

"I wish he'd just tell me that himself." Carl grumbled into her shoulder and Tess sighed to herself silently. Her eyes scanned the road in front of her for the boy's father and she spotted him walking away from the roadside with Daryl by his side. She felt her stomach drop a little as they walked away and cracked it up to hunger pains.

"Sometimes we believe things don't need to be said. I think we can all probably take a lesson from this. It's better to let people know how you feel than to stay quiet and expect them to know."

Slowly, Carl nodded and then sat up, gazing up at her with tired, soulful eyes.

"I'm not mad at you." He professed all of a sudden.

"That's good to hear. Why would you be mad at me?"

"What happened with Shane." Carl explained and her blood ran cold.

"Oh…"

"He got scary. You and my dad did the right thing."

"Carl, I appreciate that but you shouldn't think of killing people as the right thing."

"Why not? It's what I would've done."

Tess sighed, feeling like she was getting far too deep into a conversation that she shouldn't be having. She was conflicted between pretending like she hadn't just heard him say that and being outraged. She settled somewhere along the lines of mild discomfort and general displeasure.

"I really hope you never have to do anything like that, Carl. That's not something you should take so lightly."

"I thought you of all people would understand." The boy grumbled petulantly, testing her patience.

"I do understand and it's because I know what you're talking about that I'm concerned." She stressed to him, yet he seemed unconvinced; like she was just another annoyed grown up, nagging him.

"I'm not mad, Carl. I'm glad you told me. Promise me you'll keep talking about these kinds of things, okay?" She decided to take her own advice and assure him that everything was fine. Even though Carl still looked caught up in his own thoughts, he gave her a weak smile and nodded.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak again, Lori called him over from her seat in Rick's car. One hand steadied herself against the frame of the vehicle and the other rested against her swollen belly. She looked displeased and uncomfortable but that had become natural for her over the last few months. Carl scurried over to his beckoning mother and Tess watched as Lori teetered out of the car, protectively steering him away from her.

Lori had made her hatred for Tess abundantly clear since the farm. It was obvious she blamed her for Shane's death. Whatever strange and unhealthy relationship the two of them had going on, Lori had clearly wanted it to continue. Tess didn't see the point in trying to vindicate herself. She knew what happened and that's all that mattered.

Those that Tess cared about didn't blame her for it either and so it didn't worry her. Perhaps that was why Lori had become somewhat of a recluse, choosing only to interact with her son and Carol and on the odd occasion, the Greene's. Whatever her reason, she had driven a sizable wedge between herself and the rest of them, even though they all continued to look out for her.

There were many nights where Tess, and often others as well, would forgo food so that Lori could have more for herself and the baby. Even though her belly continued to grow, she looked frailer by the day. It was a continual concern that Hershel regularly pestered her about but to be fair to Lori, food was skint. She was eating all she could.

The pressure of having to provide for not only his pregnant wife and young son, but for the rest of them as well, was weighing heavy on Rick. Tess couldn't recall the last time he'd so much as had a direct conversation with his wife and she couldn't really blame Carl for thinking his father was angry with him. Rick had been short tempered lately and when he wasn't relentlessly striving to find them somewhere to live, he was hunting with Daryl or planning their next move. The family man that she'd first recognized him to be, seemed to be long gone. If it weren't for Daryl, Rick probably would have burnt out already.

Tess tried not to get too caught up in her own selfish thoughts or begin to feel sorry for herself as she reflected on how things had changed. It was necessary, she knew that. But it left her feeling hollow and a little bit numb. Each day was exactly the same and time seemed to lose much of its meaning. If it weren't for Lori's ticking time bomb, she'd be convinced that time had stopped all together.

She had to start taking accountability for her own discontent though. She'd withdrawn completely and if she was being honest with herself, it largely had to do with how vulnerable she'd felt after Shane. It was shame and fear that made her feel so small and all she knew to do was shut other people out for her own safety. It will pass, she'd tell herself but they were months later down the track now and it was only getting worse.

Tess jumped in fright when she felt a hand on her shoulder, nearly slipping off of the bumper as she jerked upright. Rick stood in front of her with a tired frown on his face. Where had he come from?

"You sleeping with your eyes open or something?" Rick commented dryly in an effort at humor but it fell flat. Tess rubbed at her face in embarrassment and shook her head.

"Sorry. I was kinda out of it. What's up?" She replied and got to her feet, walking away from the car with Rick beside her.

"I think we found something." He vaguely responded and Tess quirked an eyebrow at him.

"What do you mean, something?"

"A prison." Rick stated, faltering in his step as Tess froze.

"Say again?"

"It has fences, gates, walls. It's safety."

Tess thought about it for a moment. Sure, a prison was probably that last place she'd ever choose to call home but it made sense. It was likely the best, most fortified place within a hundred miles and she couldn't think of anyone in their right mind that would willingly choose it as their hold-out. It made a lot of sense.

"Okay. So what do you need us to do?"