Victoria was exhausted by the time morning broke. She had refused to leave Evelyn's side, despite the fact that she knew Homelander had done everything in his power to make the men who had hurt her suffer. She knew that he would have done that because she knew that he loved their daughter. He might be many things and she was well aware of that, but she knew that he loved his daughter. She was his own flesh and blood. She was everything to him. As she fell asleep, she found herself longing for things to be less complicated than they currently were. She wanted their daughter to grow up normal, but she knew that was not going to happen, especially not now. She bit down on her tongue and closed her eyes, sleep eventually taking her. Homelander had stayed sat next to her, watching her as she curled up in the chair, head lolling to the side. He suspected that it couldn't be comfortable, but he didn't want to move her.
"What the hell have you done?"
He didn't bother to get up as Edgar stepped into the room. He was angry, John could tell that much, but he didn't raise his voice. He remained speaking at a normal level and John almost wondered if he'd actually ever yelled before in his life. Homelander kept his arms folded across his chest, his eyes settled on Evelyn, remembering exactly why he'd done what he had done. He had no regrets and no one was ever going to make him apologise for it. He'd do it again if he had to.
Victoria stirred in the chair as the door closed firmly behind Edgar. She moved a hand to her neck, rubbing it firmly. She was tense from sleeping at such a strange angle, but she didn't care. She uncurled herself from the ball that she was in and glanced to Homelander. Blinking profusely, her eyes adjusted to the light.
"I asked you a question," Edgar snapped, standing by his side.
"I did nothing," Homelander simply said with a shrug of his shoulders, glancing to Edgar who simply scoffed and shook his head. "Why? What's happened?"
"I assume you know but are acting innocent," Edgar hissed at him. "The bodies of the men who were due to be arrested last night were found…dead…hardly a trace of them left. Do you know how much it has taken for us to cover up what you've done? Do you have any idea how stupid you've been?"
"Can we save the lecture for another day? Like for when I give a shit?" Homelander snapped and Edgar rolled his eyes. He sounded just like a petulant child who hadn't gotten his own way. It was pathetic. But the fact was that Homelander was no child. He was a grown man and the powers he had were enough to make Edgar feel slightly apprehensive, but not for himself, for others.
"That day is today," Edgar said to him. "After everything we've done for you after the Stormfront saga, you should be obeying us all of the time. You should be doing exactly what we want you to do whenever we want you to do it. Going rogue is not part of that. You could have ruined everything."
"Could've, but didn't," was all that Homelander said to him.
"And the fact you're acting so nonchalant-"
"-You think I'm nonchalant?" Homelander demanded, finally standing up and looking at Edgar, anger taking hold of him. Victoria just remained where she was in the chair, looking between the two men as she wondered how to diffuse the situation. She knew that Homelander was getting irate. "No, I'm not nonchalant. I'm pissed off. I'm angry beyond belief because you were the one who was nonchalant over my daughter's safety. I will do everything in my power to keep her safe. If that means killing anyone who threatens her then so be it. I'll do it and I will have no regrets. She is my daughter. She is my flesh and blood."
"And you're okay with this? Dr Morality?" Edgar asked and Victoria cocked her head and arched her brow. She gave him a withering stare, but it was Homelander who made the first move.
"Do not talk to her like that."
"Does she know what you did to them? Has she seen-"
"-She," Victoria interjected, anger taking hold of her at the way they were addressing her. She wasn't going to settle for it. She deserved better and she knew it. "Is perfectly fine with this."
Edgar looked at her confusedly then. He clearly hadn't been expecting that response. Victoria chuckled, arms folding over her chest and scrunching up the maxi dress she was wearing. "What?" she asked from him. "You think that I care about what he did to those low lives? Because I don't. In fact, I'm perfectly happy with it because if I had his powers then I would have wanted to do the same. I would have wanted to kill them for what they had intended to do to my daughter."
Edgar shook his head slowly. Victoria stood by Homelander's side, his arm brushing against hers. Looking between the two of them, Edgar's lips arched into a slim smile.
"You two finally working together. It's quite something," he declared with a dark chuckle.
"I guess it's because we have a common interest," Homelander decided on saying. "So perhaps you should think about that in the future."
"Don't worry, from now on I'll be sure to share only information on a need to know basis," Edgar said. "From now on, you tow the line. Both of you do exactly as expected of you. There will be no deviating from message. There will be no going your own path. You will behave perfectly. You will be the perfect All-American family."
"I'm British."
"You're engaged to America's most famous superhero. You will portray that image."
"You think we need to pretend? We're a family," Homelander said and Victoria felt slightly uncomfortable at that point. He really did think that they could be a family together. Was he so deluded? But, when Victoria thought about it, she hadn't given him any impression that it would be any different. How could she? She told him what he needed to hear to bide her time and keep her safe, but then a part of her wondered if perhaps she was acting or if it was genuine. She found it difficult when she was around just him, no Vought interference and her mind forgetting the past.
"You need to be careful," was all that Edgar said. "Both of you."
He left with no other word and Victoria rolled her eyes at his back as Homelander glowered at him. Once the door was closed, he turned to Victoria, glancing down to her. "Forget him, he's got nothing."
"He isn't my concern, John," Victoria said and she sat down, looking to her daughter once more. She had slept throughout that entire ordeal. She was glad of that. She didn't want her daughter hearing anything that they were saying. She took a moment to gather herself, hand moving to touch her soft skin gently, fingers running along her small hand.
"No, I know," Homelander promised her, sitting down by her side. "But…I confess that I was shocked at your reaction last night."
"You and me both," Victoria admitted and he continued watching her, gaze softening. Moving his hand to her hair, he brushed it behind her shoulder. She closed her eyes as the back of his hand settled on her neck, stroking her skin softly. She watched him for a few moments before glancing back to Evelyn.
"You know that doesn't make you evil, don't you?" he continued pushing her and she inhaled a sharp breath. His fingers continued running up and down the side of her throat. Shifting in his chair, he leaned closer to her and she removed her hand from Evelyn. "It makes you a mother. She's lucky to have you, you know that?"
"I hope so."
"You're going to be an amazing mommy."
"Mummy," she corrected him. He chuckled.
"So British," he whispered and leaned in closer. He moved upwards, pecking her softly on the side of her head. He was tender, his lips lingering there for a few moments. Closing her eyes again, she felt him drift lower, his warm breath brushing over her forehead and the tip of her nose. He leaned in again, lips inches from hers before she pressed a hand to his chest.
"John," she said just his name, hoping that would be enough to get him to stop and pull back.
"You know we make sense," he said to her. "And last night I thought that you knew that."
"Last night was…it shouldn't have happened," she said to him.
"Why do you keep trying to deny this? Deny that we are happy together…that when we get Evelyn home…everything will be as it should be. We'll be a family and you know that I will treat you both right. I will treat you like you deserve to be treated."
"I know," she said to him with a nod, moving her hand to brush his wrist from her neck, fingers going to hold onto his. She squeezed his hand tightly. "But it doesn't excuse how you treat other people…how you've treated them…and we both know that I'm not going to forget that."
"You could forget it."
"Sometimes I do…but then I always remember," Victoria said to him. "It's too late, John. I'm here and we're engaged. I'll be pleasant and not fight you, but don't ask more from me. Please."
"You seriously think we're both going to be content with that forever?" he asked her.
"Probably not," she replied, "but we knew that this was the deal when I came back to you. I said that I'd try…but we know it can't go back to how it was."
Homelander looked down at that. She kept his hand inside of hers and held it tightly as she turned to look back to her daughter. He clung onto her, but she let go after a moment. His hand hung limply by his side and he began to wonder if this was it. What if she never did love him like he wanted? What if she never gave him that? Shaking his head, he looked to his daughter. It wouldn't happen. Evelyn was going to change everything. Victoria would see that soon enough.
…
"She is so beautiful."
"I know," Victoria agreed with Michelle as they sat around Evelyn's incubator. They were sat next to each other, both of them looking at the sleeping baby. Her little hands were clenched by her side, head turned slightly to the side and hair beginning to sprout out from underneath her little hat. She had soft black curls, but her eyes were already blue, looking exactly like Homelander's.
"And you really didn't need to name her after me."
"Yeah, I did," Victoria responded, hand moving to hold onto Michelle's hand. "She's always going to know about you because I swear that I won't stop talking about you to her…me and Danielle…we'll tell her everything."
Michelle scoffed. "I hope you don't tell her everything," she said, playing with the ends of her wig. She was looking gaunter than usual, her jeans baggy around her waist and the shirt she wore dangling off of her. Her cheeks were also gaunt and her cheekbones even more pronounced. She'd lost all her appetite recently, not wanting to eat anything because she felt sick.
"Well, I might leave out some of what we got up to in Florida," she promised her.
"I should hope so. She doesn't need to know anything about Jacob Kosaki."
Victoria's lips arched and she leant back in her chair. "Jacob Kosaki, I completely forgot about him. You spent the entire night telling us how you thought he might be the one."
"I had drunk like a litre of vodka," she defended herself.
"Not possible to drink that much, but I get your point," she replied with a nod of her head.
"To think, he could have been the one," Michelle said with a shake of her head. "You know, that's the one thing I keep thinking about. I've dated so many guys who turned out to be a waste of my time, but I never found anyone. I…I know it's not nice and it's horrible of me, but when you and Homelander actually started dating…I…a part of me resented you."
Victoria was quiet, longing to tell her friend that she had absolutely no reason to resent her. But she couldn't. She wasn't going to say anything that would make Michelle worry. She didn't need that stress putting on her shoulders. Victoria would deal with it, but Daniella and Michelle weren't getting involved.
"You don't need to feel guilty about that."
"But I do," Michelle said. "When Daniella started dating Georgina we saw her less and it was us two who did everything together…and then Homelander came and there were times when I thought I'd lose you too. Then there was me. I wanted what you both had. I wanted that more than anything because it felt so lonely."
Victoria inhaled a sharp breath and shook her head. "You should have said something."
"What? Why?" Michelle scoffed. "I wasn't going to complain about it. It wasn't like you dumped us for him. You still made time for us, but I get that being in a relationships, well, you're obviously going to spend less time with your friends."
"No, I get it," Victoria said to her. "And you…you're amazing, Michelle. All of those dates you went on, the men were stupid not to see it."
She scoffed. "I'm just pitying myself, Vicky. I've had so much good things happen to me. I've met you and Daniella. My parents are great. I've had a job I loved. I just…I just never met the one, but that's okay because not everyone does."
"I know, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel upset about it," Victoria said to her and she squeezed her hand, moving closer to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "You're going through so many things right now."
"I know and my therapist said this is normal," Michelle said, wiping her eyes softly with the back of her free hand. "And you never know, maybe Jacob Kosaki is still available in New York."
Victoria laughed at that and Michelle's own lips arched sadly. "I hate to tell you, but I think he took a research assistant position somewhere in Michigan."
"Shame," Michelle simply said. "I just I'll just have to spend my time obsessing over my goddaughter before I fly back to Chicago next week."
Victoria shifted uncomfortable in her seat. She didn't want Michelle to go back. She wanted her to stay because she wasn't ready to say goodbye. When Michelle went home then she wasn't coming back. This was her last time in New York. Squeezing her shoulders tighter, Victoria bowed her head and swore she wasn't going to cry. Michelle didn't need her crying on her. She had to be strong.
"You know…I never thought I wanted kids," Michelle said, moving her free hand to hold Evelyn's arm gently. "But this one is enough to make me almost think I could change my mind. If she looks exactly like you and Homelander then she's going to be stunning."
"Yeah, she already is," Victoria said and kissed her friend on the side of her head, holding her tight to her.
…
"Michelle went back to a hotel. I think she needed a night sleeping in a big bed," Daniella said to Victoria. They were supposed to go for dinner the next night. Victoria and Homelander had been with Evelyn for the day. She'd been moved back to Vought Tower, still needing to be in an incubator but able to breath on her own. Homelander was staying with her while Victoria went out. She had been hesitant, but he had insisted, telling her she had to get out.
"Oh…did you want to stay here then or-"
"-We're here now, may as well eat," Michelle said.
They were in one of their favourite small pizzerias that they used to live near. Victoria had managed to pull on a mid-green dress with long sleeves and thick tights, feeling almost human for the first time in a long time. Daniella had come straight from work, dressed in a checked grey pantsuit, her bob hanging around her shoulders. She looked so business like and Victoria knew she was enjoying her job. Michelle had told her as much.
"Okay," Victoria agreed and they sat down opposite each other. Before they could talk, a waiter came and asked them what they wanted to drink. Victoria took sparkling water while Daniella had wine.
"So, how are things going?" Daniella asked. "How's Evelyn?"
"Evelyn is good, well, she should be. She's been moved to the Tower today so at least she's closer," Victoria said. She hadn't told them about the plot that had been made against her daughter. She didn't have it in her to mention it. Turned out there were a number of secrets she was keeping from her friends.
"And is she getting stronger?"
"The doctors seem to think the worst is over. She's going to need time though," Victoria replied.
"And Homelander? How are things with him?" Daniella asked and Victoria knew that she couldn't look her in the eye. She hadn't been able to look at her for a while, mainly since she'd come back to New York.
"Fine," was all Victoria could say.
Daniella scoffed. "Fine," she echoed in a tone of disbelief.
Victoria sighed loudly and shrugged her shoulders. "What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing. You say whatever you want," Daniella said to her as the waiter returned with their drinks. They were silent again then for a few moments as he set them down and they thanked him. Once he was gone, Daniella folded her arms over her chest almost defensively. Victoria continued watching her, wondering if she was going to say anything to her. She had her jaw firmly set and her gaze turned to the side.
"I don't know what you want from me," Victoria said to Daniella.
"How about we start with the truth?" Daniella suggested to her. "I don't care what you say…because recently it's all just been a load of shit."
"No, it hasn't."
"Yes, it has, and I haven't pushed it because Michelle is the one who we need to be there for and she doesn't need us fighting. I don't want that. But it's just us two now so whatever it is that's going on with you…you can tell me. You might not want to put weight on Michelle's shoulders and I get it, but I'm not going anywhere…but I need you to tell me the truth because the Victoria who is sat across from me isn't the same one I waved off to Paris."
"I had a baby, Daniella," Victoria said to her. "I can't be the same person."
"You were different before then," Daniella said. "You disappeared off the face of the earth when it turned out your fiancé was a fascist and then you come back and claim that you're both fine…that you're happy to be with him…and that's not you. The fake smiles on TV…the interviews in magazines…before, I know you hated them, but you looked at him with adoration. You did it for him, but now…now I'm not sure who you're doing it for, but it isn't him. It can't be him because he's shown his true colours."
"He made a mistake," Victoria said, feeling sick at even saying it. She didn't know what more she could say on the matter because she couldn't tell her the truth. What would Homelander do if she knew? It was bad enough Annie knew, but she had standing. She was Starlight. He couldn't hurt her. And for some reason he wasn't hurting Billy. But Victoria wasn't risking Daniella.
Daniella sipped on her wine and rolled her eyes. "He mistakenly signed up to a Nazi agenda? Yeah, alright." Her voice was sarcastic. "And he mistakenly killed that kid on an unsanctioned mission?" she asked. "Boy, he does make so many mistakes."
"Stop it," Victoria hissed at her, not appreciating her point because Victoria knew it already.
"I'm not going to stop it because I know something is wrong. You don't want to be near him. How can you?"
"Because I love him?"
"You love him? Seriously? Do you know how fucked up that is? He's doing this whole apology circuit, but the fact is that every speech he did…every time he spoke…he came across as someone who genuinely thought he was better than us, just like he did at the Believe Expo when you defended him."
Victoria was silent then, remembering that Expo and wondering how he could have said what he said. They'd argued after it, of course. But he had told her that wasn't who he was. She'd believed him back then, but now she didn't. She knew better.
"Look, Daniella," Victoria said, trying to calm the tone. The waiter looked at them but made a beeline in a different direction as soon as he saw the expressions on their faces. "I know you're looking out for me and I appreciate it, but I'm fine. We're together. We have a daughter."
"Having a kid with him doesn't mean you're trapped with him," Daniella said.
It means exactly that because he'll never let her go.
"I'm not trapped," Victoria lied, pushing down the lump in her throat. "I love him."
"I'm sat here longing for you to tell me the truth and you just can't do it, can you?" she snapped at her. "Everything you're saying…the way you're acting…it's bullshit. I can't help you if you don't let me."
"Daniella, I don't need your help," Victoria said. "Why do you keep trying to push this? You don't need to worry about me because I'm fine. I'm not leaving him. We're engaged and will probably be married soon enough. He's a part of my life."
"You're being an idiot," Daniella just said to her with a shake of her head. "I'm not sitting here and listening to you lie and tell me how great your fiancé is when he's actually nothing but an asshole and you're defending him. That's the worst part of all of this."
"Daniella-"
"-We'll be fine when Michelle is around," Daniella interrupted, standing up and reaching for her purse from her patent leather black bag. She fished ten dollars out and dropped it on the table. "But until you actually become the Victoria I remember then I'm done with this. I'm done with it completely."
"You're done with me?"
"I don't want to be," Daniella said, pulling her coat on. "But I hardly recognise you."
"Daniella," Victoria pleaded.
"Just call me whenever you want to tell me the truth." Daniella simply said and turned on her heel to leave. Victoria sat there, well aware that the other customers were staring at her. Her cheeks turned red and she was about to cry, but she couldn't just yet. She paid for her own drink, leaving some cash on the table before leaving the restaurant, not making eye contact with anyone.
She pulled on her red coat once she was outside and slung her small bag over her body. Hailing a cab, she gave him the address and sat in the backseat, Daniella's words running through her head. Sniffing, she wiped away the tears that were falling down her cheeks slowly. She looked at the lights of the city as they went back towards Vought Tower. She paid for the cab, telling him to keep the change. Heading on up to the penthouse, she'd hoped Homelander wouldn't be there, but he was.
"You're back early," he commented.
"Why aren't you with Evie?" she asked, ignoring his point.
"I was until ten minutes ago. She'd gone to sleep and I needed to talk to Ashley about my agenda."
"I'll go down and see her," Victoria said, shrugging out of her coat and draping it over the arm of the couch with her bag on top of it.
Homelander stood up from his seat. "You've been crying."
"I'm fine," Victoria just said to him. She was tired of using that word because nothing was fine.
"Did something happen to Michelle?" he questioned, pushing her on the matter.
"No, she didn't come. She wasn't feeling well," Victoria said. "I got there and it was just Daniella. We didn't stay for dinner."
"Why not?" Homelander pushed her.
She sniffed and he saw that her eyes were red, the skin around them agitated and sore. She folded her arms over her chest and he saw her look away from him. He nodded his head once. He'd been there before when Daniella had been with Victoria. She was suspicious of her relationship with Homelander and she didn't like him. She'd made that clear when she had seen him and been cold with him. She didn't know anything that had happened between him and Victoria, but she'd seen enough in the news not to trust him in the slightest anymore.
"She's still not my biggest fan?" he checked.
"She's not mine either," Victoria added on. "She…she keeps pushing me…asking why I'm still with you. She won't let it go and it's not like I'm going to tell her anything."
"Well, she's hardly a good friend if she's pushing you away."
Victoria narrowed her eyes at him. "She's a good friend."
"If you say so," Homelander said. "I just don't think a good friend would make you cry when you're supposed to be enjoying pizza."
"Well, a good fiancé wouldn't erase my memories, but here we are," Victoria retorted, unable to stop herself from sniping at him. He looked back to her then, his own eyes darkening slightly as she scratched her arm and waited for him to say something.
"I did that to keep you happy and it worked," he defended himself. "And I always chose you over everything…don't forget that."
She was silent on that point. He had done exactly that. She shook her head and sighed, shoulders sagging. "I don't want to fight, John," she said and moved a hand to her forehead, pushing her hair from her face. "I'm exhausted and all I want to do is go and see Evie, okay?"
"We're not fighting," he held up his hands defensively. "But I'm not sure that you should go and see Evie."
"Why not?" she asked.
"You might want to check your dress."
She looked down and groaned at the wet patch on her chest. Homelander's gaze fell to it too, looking at where she was leaking. She tugged on the skirt to her dress, pulling the material taut to examine the stain clearer. "Shit," she complained.
"Do you need a hand?" he asked from her.
"Just…can you unzip me?" she asked from him and he nodded his head. Annie had helped her into the dress, but she hadn't thought about who could help her out of it. She had intended on just going to see Annie anyway when she'd gotten back, but not in the state she was currently in.
He nodded and inhaled sharply, her scent filling his nostrils. She turned around and moved her hair from over her shoulder. He reached to her neck, his bare fingers tugging at the golden zip and moving it slowly down her back, fingers skimming her spine and causing her to shiver with the movement. He let his hand rest in the dip of the small of her back and Victoria stepped away from him. Keeping her hand on her chest, she made sure the dress stayed up as she headed on to the guest bedroom.
He watched her go, knowing that it was wrong but unable to stop himself. He used his x-ray vision, seeing her let the dress drop to the floor once she was in the guest room. Her underwear was plain black, the scar on her stomach healing nicely but still prominent. He watched her reach for the electronic breast pump from her top drawer before sitting on the edge of the bed. Unclasping her bra, he watched the straps fall down her arms and her breasts hang free. Inhaling a sharp breath, he couldn't look away from her as she expressed. He knew she would be less than impressed if she caught him, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to be with her like it had been. He wanted to be back with her.
"You seem distracted."
Homelander instantly turned around to see Maeve stood there, dressed in her uniform. She looked to him and he arched a brow at her. "Why are you here?"
"Edgar has demanded a meeting with us all tonight," she said, arms folded firmly over her chest. "But you weren't answering your phone."
"It's on silent," was all that he said. "What does Edgar want?"
"He didn't say, just that all of the Seven have to be there," Maeve said to him.
"Must be important," Homelander mused.
"Or boring," Maeve tacked on.
"Oh…hey, Maeve," Victoria's voice entered the room as she came down, dressed in a Columbia sweatshirt with jogging pants and fluffy socks. She was carrying a bottle of milk in her hands.
"Victoria," Maeve greeted her. "How are you? I've wanted to come and see you, but Annie said you've been busy and recovering."
"Yeah, it's been a tough few weeks," she confessed. "But things are getting better. What are you doing up here anyway?"
"Well, we've just been summoned to a meeting," Maeve said and Victoria nodded once. "But if you're free, we should catch up at some point."
"Victoria still needs her rest, Maeve," Homelander said. The last thing he wanted was for Maeve to get close to Victoria and tell her about Flight 37. He didn't need her having any more ammunition for reasons to dislike him. "If you're going down to see Evelyn, I'll drop you off on the way."
"Oh…yeah…just give me a minute," Victoria said and she headed into the kitchen to put the milk in the freezer. Homelander remained where he was, pulling his gloves onto his fingers and placing his hands behind his back, rocking on his heels as Maeve kept her hands on her hips.
"John…I thought there were three bottles in here," Victoria called out to him from the kitchen and he coughed into his fist as Maeve arched her brow and watched him head into the kitchen. He stood on the other side of the breakfast bar as he saw her dig around in the freezer.
"I don't know. Why are you asking?" he questioned from her.
"Because there's only two. Did we take one earlier to the nurse?"
"Oh, right, I took one after you'd gone," he said to her with a nod of his head, clicking his fingers in realisation despite lying.
"No problem then," Victoria said and she stood up. He saw her reach under her sweatshirt and fiddle with her bra straps, wincing slightly.
"You okay?" he asked from her.
"Just sore," she said. "Not convinced I've mastered the technique yet."
"Anything I can do?" he asked, but as soon as he'd asked it, he knew it was a ridiculous question. She watched him for a moment, head tilted to the side and wondering if he thought there was anything he could do or if he had just asked her out of habit. She shook her head slowly.
"Not sure there's anything you can do on that front," she said to him.
"Force of habit asking," he said. "Come on. Let's go."
"Let me just get my boots," she said, not caring that she would look a mess going downstairs. She hardly cared. All that she cared about was seeing her daughter.
…
"What did Edgar want?" Victoria questioned from Homelander.
He had come to find her after the meeting. It had just gone eight at night and he would have rather spent the evening with Victoria and Evelyn. She was sat up straight, looking at their daughter. Homelander sat down next to her in the other chair, arm going over the back of her own out of habit.
"He's concerned with our polling numbers," Homelander said to her. "Claims that we haven't been seen as a team in a while…wants us to go to more events…ironically, we're the ones with the best numbers."
"We?"
"Well, we kind of come as a package now," he said to her. "I think we've got the sympathy vote for everything that's happened with Evelyn. Although, there are still those who are amazed we've had a baby. My core base…you know…pre-marital sex is bad…all of that."
Victoria scoffed. If only they knew. "Do you think they seriously thought that we'd wait until we were married?" she questioned from him and he arched a brow, turning his gaze onto her and watching her intently for a few moments. She looked back to him and her eyes met his. "I mean, did they think that I was some virgin saving myself for you? Like that's the only kind of girl you'd go for."
"No idea, but being around you was pretty hard to practice abstinence," he said to her and she looked away, lowering her gaze before he spoke. "It still fucking is," he complained under his breath and she turned her gaze back to him then. He didn't want to tell her how he'd had to go back to the penthouse before he found her.
He didn't want to tell her how he'd gone into her guest room and found her bra, taking it with him to his own room and letting his hand slip into his pants. He'd closed his eyes and thought about her, imagined her walking in and begging him to take her like she used to do, hearing her moans and begging for him to give her the pleasure that only he could give her. Being around her was continuously torturous.
"You…what…"
"I haven't been with anyone else," he said to her in a stern voice. "No matter what you seem to think, I am able to control myself."
That's not what had happened when he'd been alone upstairs for half an hour. She didn't say anything on that point. She just stayed where she was as a nurse walked in, saving them from any further awkward conversation. The woman was tall and dressed in blue scrubs, blonde hair pulled into a ponytail on the top of her head.
"I thought that you'd both gone upstairs," she commented, a southern drawl coming out.
"I wanted to come and see her," Victoria said.
"Well, you can do more than see her. I've just been given the okay from the doctor that we can try and pick her up…start breastfeeding too rather than feeding her through a tube," she said. "I was actually coming to change her so…how about it? We try holding her?"
"Seriously?" Victoria asked, feeling a sense of excitement take hold of her. Nerves soon settled in too.
"Yeah, just wash your hands and I'll get her ready."
Victoria stood up eagerly and Homelander followed her. He tossed his gloves onto the worktop on the side and washed his hands after Victoria had done hers, drying them on the towel by the side of the sink. When they'd turned around, Evelyn was gurgling slightly, being picked up by the nurse who was handling her delicately.
"It's alright, sweetie, there we are," she cooed to her. "We're going to go to mommy, alright? Mommy's here."
"Mummy," Homelander was the one to say and Victoria glanced to him. "She's British," was all he offered the nurse and Victoria was amazed that he'd remembered. The nurse just nodded and instructed Victoria to sit down in the chair. Homelander watched as Victoria took hold of their daughter, sitting down next to her. Her face lit up as her arms cradled her little body.
"There you go," the nurse said, gently lowering Evelyn's head against Victoria's open palm. "You don't need to be nervous, sweetie. She's fine…her breathing is good…she's strong enough, just make sure you support her neck and the back of her head…just like that."
"You've got her," Homelander said, hand going to the small of Victoria's back.
"She's so warm," Victoria said in a whisper. "I'm just scared of hurting her."
"Not possible so long as you're gentle with her," the nurse promised Victoria, writing something in her file. "We're going to need to talk you through breastfeeding her tomorrow and skin on skin contact is really important too."
"When do you think she can come home?" Victoria asked, unable to tear her eyes off of Evelyn, lips arched into a smile as she just watched her daughter stare up at her, gurgling softly, lips slightly parted and blue eyes wide open.
"Might not be for another week or so, but hopefully sooner rather than later."
"She smells incredible," Homelander said.
"Babies do, sir," the nurse said. "Listen, I'll be back in ten minutes. I just need to run this paperwork to the doctor. If you need me, I'll be down the corridor."
"Thanks," Victoria said and the nurse left without another word, giving Victoria a squeeze on her shoulder.
"She's just so perfect," Homelander whispered, looking to his daughter as he moved a hand down her arm and he felt her grip hold of one of his fingers, squeezing it tightly in her grip. Homelander chuckled. "And she's pretty strong already."
"Really?"
"She's got a grip on her," Homelander confirmed, free arm moving over Victoria's shoulders, her side nestled against his front as he pressed his nose against the side of her head. He kissed her tenderly in her hair and Victoria remained still. He lowered his lips towards her ear, whispering hotly against it. "She's perfect…just like you."
"I don't know about that," Victoria said.
"I do," Homelander responded. "Do you think I could hold her?"
Victoria wanted to say no, but how could she? She just nodded once and urged him to be gentle as she passed Evelyn to him. His hand engulfed the back of her head, her body dwarfed by his arms. Victoria let her go completely, sitting back slightly, knees still brushing against his as Evelyn reached her hands up and he bent down, letting her run her fingers over his face.
He felt his eyes begin to water, tears threatening to spill as he watched her. She felt perfect in his arms. This was all he had wanted. He just wanted a family and now he had one. He looked down to her, seeing her blue eyes stare at him inquisitively. "Hey, darling," he whispered to her. "It's me…your daddy…you're so perfect…everything about you…and I'm never going to let anything bad happen to you. I'm going to look after you and raise you…you're going to have a perfect life. I promise you."
Her hand ran over his chin and Victoria continued to watch the two of them. How was this the same man who had committed so many crimes? How was it possible? The smile on his face was wide and genuine, his eyes glancing to Victoria for a moment. "We can give her the childhood we never had," he whispered to her. "A real family…it can be exactly like this forever."
And it sounded so tempting. He made it sound like it could be the best thing in the world and perhaps it could be. Perhaps she could be so happy with him and Evelyn. But not now, not knowing what she knew.
"Let's just enjoy this, okay?" she said to him, hand going to his arm. "Evelyn is getting better. That's all we need to focus on for now."
"Yeah," he agreed weakly and she squeezed his arm softly before pulling back.
Looking around the room as Homelander continued cooing over Evelyn, Victoria looked to the window and spotted the nurse down the corridor, moving back towards them. She came into the room and told them that they should let Evelyn sleep for the night. Reluctantly, they agreed, settling her back down into her bed before kissing her goodnight. Heading on from the hospital ward, they left for the elevator when they heard Ashley's voice call after them.
"Homelander…sir…" she said.
He pressed the button to the elevator and sighed loudly. He didn't need this right now. "What is it, Ashley?"
She came to stand before them, heels clicking on the floor. She couldn't make eye contact with either of them. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and looked to her patent yellow heels. Victoria observed her intently as the elevator came and went.
"I…I didn't know how to tell you this, but Daniella insisted I do."
Homelander frowned. Daniella?
"What is it?" Victoria asked.
Ashley looked up, eyes wide as she glanced to her and shook her head. She didn't even need to say anything because Victoria knew. Shaking her head quickly, she moved a hand to her chest as she felt it tighten, her throat beginning to clench. She gasped out a soft 'no' as Ashley spoke in a low voice.
"I am so sorry," she said and Homelander knew what had happened. "They found her in her hotel room…a maid went in and they dialled for an ambulance, but it was too late."
She'd been on her own. This had happened while she had been alone, Daniella and Victoria fighting in a restaurant. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She wasn't supposed to have gone yet.
"She had more time…that's not right…she still had time…" Victoria blabbered, tears streaming down her face.
"I'm sorry, Victoria," Ashley said.
"You can go, Ashley," Homelander said and she almost looked relieved to escape. Homelander turned to Victoria as she placed a hand to the wall, struggling to stand up. He moved his arms around her and held her to him as she sobbed, not wanting to believe that her best friend had gone and she hadn't even been there with her.
...
A/N: Thanks so much for reading - so much angst and sorrow, I know. Season 3 coming soon - any plot points you really want to see?