Homelander didn't want Victoria to go to sleep. He knew that as soon as she drifted off then she would wake up and be back to normal. He preferred her when she was like this. He preferred her when she was his old Victoria, the woman he had fallen in love with and doted on him. He was laid next to her as she gathered her breath, her face nestled against his neck. Her breathing was warm and coming out in short pants against his skin, making him shudder against her. She closed her eyes firmly and kissed his shoulder gently, the motion tender and loving. He moved his hand up and down her arm, keeping his own around her shoulders and bringing her to him. He kissed the top of her head, letting his chin sit there.
"You know that the premiere is going to be unbearable, right?" Homelander checked with her. His mind had gone to it, considering precisely what was going to happen when they went there if he gave her more of the drug. "People are going to be asking us about Stormfront."
"Yeah, I know," Victoria said to him. "But it's not as if we can't handle it. We just tell them that distance was hurting our relationship…she took advantage of that…and I mean, it's not like you ever really believed everything she said."
"Exactly," Homelander said, moving to lay on his back. He pushed a hand behind his head, fingers threading through his blonde hair. He let out a deep sigh and looked to the ceiling. Victoria propped herself up onto her elbow, hand holding her head as she looked down to him. She kept the duvet underneath her arm, the top of it just sitting against her chest. Moving a hand to his chest, her fingers danced up to his neck, trailing gently against his skin.
"What is it?" she asked, sensing he was distracted.
Brows arching on his forehead, he shook his head slowly. "Just everything here," he said to her, complaining and knowing that she wasn't going to brush him off. It would be like how it had been. She would listen to him. She would comfort him. She would be exactly what he needed. "Ever since the disaster with Stormfront…I've just felt like Vought…it's not exactly what it was."
"What do you mean?" she asked, her fingers going to thread through his hair gently. She brushed it back tenderly from his forehead.
"I just mean that it's like they don't trust me. I have Edgar hovering behind me all of the time making sure I say the right thing and do the right thing. It's becoming tedious and annoying," he said and he knew what the solution would be. One day he might need to deal with Edgar, particularly if he kept up with this determination of keeping him silent. "It feels as though I am being persecuted for who I am…for being strong…for being a hero."
"You made mistakes, John," Victoria said to him and he felt his teeth clench. This wasn't how he wanted the talk to go. "You know that you did and I think Edgar just wants to make sure that you…you keep your popularity…get it back. You're not being persecuted for who you are, but the issue is that who you are…it comes with responsibilities."
"What do you mean?" he questioned from her.
"I mean," she began, keeping her fingers through his hair, "that you do need to be responsible. Can you imagine what the world would be like if you and all the other supes just decided to use your powers for whatever you wanted to do? It would be carnage. There needs to be some accountability and I guess Edgar, as much as I despise him, is just making sure that Vought is seen to be accountable."
"By keeping his eye on me all the time?"
Victoria bit down on her bottom lip. "Well, you did cause him a bit of a headache with the whole Stormfront thing," she reminded him on that point. Not that he needed reminding. What had happened with Stormfront was a constant reminder in his life. He grew tired of talking about it in interviews. "But time will pass and people will forget that. You're still the leader of the Seven. You're still the Homelander and you can still use your powers to do good. Vought aren't going to stop you from doing that."
"I guess not," he said.
"Besides, you could always…you know…" she trailed off, testing the waters with caution. She observed his reaction, well aware that she had to be careful. He might despise Edgar and Vought, but he still worked for them. "Leave," she threw the word out there and Homelander chuckled. They'd had this conversation so often before back when things had been good between them.
"I'm serious," Victoria said, hand moving to hit his chest gently as he stopped laughing. "What would be so bad about leaving Vought? We could get out…live in that secluded cabin…or we could move to Paris. Could you imagine Evie in Paris?"
"She'd end up speaking French with a French accent," he said.
Victoria's lips turned upwards. "But she'd be bilingual," she pointed out. "And she could have a quiet childhood…we could be a regular family…walks in the park…teaching her how to ride a bike without cameras there…and when she becomes a teenager it's going to be hard enough for her. She can go through all of that hormonal stage in private. Might even make it easier if she decides to date."
"She's never dating," he said with a firm shake of his head and Victoria laughed at him.
"You can't keep her locked up forever," she informed her husband in a soft voice. "But it is so adorable that you're already getting protective over her."
"Just being honest," he retorted.
"And jealous," she added on. "But just think about it, John. Think about what it could be like. We could just be a family and have a normal life. Don't tell me that doesn't sound appealing…living a life we never had…giving Evelyn what we never had…I think it could be perfect."
He didn't want to tell her that he didn't. The idea of hanging up his suit didn't entertain him. He was the Homelander. Who was he if he wasn't him? He could try to be a normal family man, but he knew it would never last. He would get bored. He wanted the stardom. He wanted the fame. He wanted people to love him and know his name. He wanted Evelyn to grow up by his side. He wanted to train her. Instead of Maeve, he imagined Evelyn by his side one day.
But then he thought of what Victoria had said. He thought about teaching Evelyn to ride a bike. He thought about a quiet life with just his wife and daughter. Shouldn't that be enough for him? Shouldn't he be content with just them? And he knew that he could be. He definitely could have been if he'd never have had a taste of what Vought had given him.
"I think that we will need to wait and see," Homelander just said to her, not entirely feeling comforted. "But I do think that our daughter is about to wake up judging by the way her breathing just changed."
"I'll go and get her," Victoria said.
He shook his head and moved from the bed, pulling his pants onto his legs and letting them sit against his hips. "I can get her," he retorted. "I'll bring her in."
He shrugged his t-shirt on over his head and made to turn away. Victoria grabbed him before he could go, her hand wrapping around his wrist and bringing him back to her. She knelt on the bed, duvet underneath her arms before she kissed him tenderly. He closed his eyes as he heard Evelyn's soft gurgle from the room down the hall. He wrapped an arm around Victoria's waist, pulling her against him as he kept his head bent, lips firmly moving against hers.
"We'll figure this out," she promised him when she pulled away, nose brushing his as she gave his lips another quick peck. "Whatever comes our way…whatever the future holds…we'll work through it because we have each other. What is it you always say? We're America's golden couple. We can do whatever the fuck we want."
He smirked at that and planted another firm kiss against her mouth. "Always, sweetheart," he whispered.
…
Victoria had no idea when Annie had returned Evelyn's rattle, but she was glad she had. She must have come up while Victoria had been sleeping. Not that she remembered falling asleep. She'd had a bath and changed, but that was the last thing she knew. She must have been more exhausted than she thought, collapsing in bed and falling straight to sleep. Homelander was holding Evelyn when she woke up the next morning and went downstairs. There was an ache in her thighs that felt strangely familiar, but she pushed it to the side.
"I've decided to go and see Billy," Victoria said as she entered the kitchen and found him feeding Evelyn, a bottle to her lips as he held her in his arms, sat at the table.
"William? Why?" Homelander questioned as his daughter moved a hand to the side of the bottle, her fingers moving over his. His own limbs dwarfed hers, but the touch was enough to make him smile down to her.
"Because he's my brother and I want to try and make things right," Victoria said. "Apparently he wants to meet and not yell at me…so it's worth giving it a go."
"You know that you don't need to," Homelander said to her and she shrugged her shoulders. "William doesn't deserve anything from you. If he cannot accept that we are married then he's going to have a hard time talking to you."
"Yeah, he might do, but he's still my brother," Victoria said.
She moved into the kitchen and he watched her. She was dressed in a long, pleated red skirt with a black blouse tucked into it, sleeves down to her wrists. He thought about the scars on her arms and how she never showed them. But he knew about them. He knew all about her yet she was still shutting him out. She reached for a granola bar from the cupboard and ripped it open, taking a bite off the top of it.
"Well, fine, but you're not taking Evelyn."
"John, come on-"
"-Our agreement was that you met him out in public and told me where you were going. Going to his apartment is not meeting in public."
"No, but you know where he lives."
"True, but I do not want our daughter being in his home," Homelander retorted. "She can stay with the nanny if you insist on going to your brother's. Besides, you know that you can't go out without security or me when it comes to Evelyn. I doubt William would want me or Vought security snooping around his place."
"I doubt it too, but the fact is that you know I'm not going to do anything."
"The answer is still no. End of discussion," he said, tone firm and Victoria knew better than to argue with him. And so she just nodded, taking another bite of her bar. Homelander finished feeding Evelyn, placing the bottle down on the dining table as she burped slightly, her mouth open and soft gurgles coming from her.
"Tasty, right?" Homelander muttered down to his daughter, Victoria not hearing him as she finished her breakfast and tossed the wrapper into the bin. "So, I'm going to be out all day doing interviews and then I've got a production meeting about American Hero until seven this evening."
"I'm going to see Billy and then I'll come back and grab Evelyn…maybe go for a walk. Annie cancelled brunch this morning. She said something had come up so I have no other plans for the day," she retorted and he nodded his head thoughtfully. "I'll take Evelyn down to the nursery on my way out."
"I can do that," he said to her and he saw her hesitate. It was almost as though she hated leaving Evelyn alone with him. He rolled his eyes, lips curling up in a menacing smirk. "I am able to look after my own daughter, Vicky."
"You know that's not what worries me," she said to him and he moved to stand up, keeping Evelyn in his arms against his chest. Walking with her towards his wife, he handed her their bundled up daughter. Victoria took her into her arms, pressing her against her chest and patting her back, winding her gently.
"I'm not going to take her from you so long as you do what is needed," Homelander told his wife, a hand moving to her cheek. She flinched ever so slightly at the contact, but then relaxed, letting his fingers tuck her hair behind her ear. "I promised you that, didn't I? I promised you that I wasn't going to tear you apart…but there are expectations on both of us. You know that."
"I do," she agreed weakly with him on that point.
"Then believe me when I say that Evelyn is perfectly safe here," he told her and she just nodded her head once, not entirely convinced. He pecked her forehead gently and then held his arms out expectantly.
Victoria handed her daughter back to him, watching as he held her in front of him and beamed widely. "Hey, darling," he cooed at her. "We're going to go and get you dressed and let your mummy go and see her brother…yeah…" he continued as Evelyn smiled, her arms reaching out for him and pressing against the front of his suit as her chin rested by his shoulder. "Daddy's got you, sweetheart."
"Tell the nursery I'll pick her up in two hours or so," Victoria urged from him.
"Yeah," he said and she wondered if he was listening to her, carrying Evelyn back to the living room, Victoria hot on his heels. She saw him hold Evelyn up in her direction, picking her hand up. Victoria slipped into her ankle boots she'd kicked off by the door. "Say goodbye to mummy," he urged and Victoria's face softened as he waved Evelyn's hand in her direction.
She darted over to her daughter, hand running down her small cheek and kissing her on the top of her head. "Be good, baby," she urged from her and then looked Homelander in the eye. "See you tonight," she said cordially and he just nodded his head, watching her grab her bag and phone and dash out of the apartment.
Victoria took the elevator down to the foyer, feeling anxious about leaving Evelyn with Homelander. But he was right. He wasn't going to take her away. He wouldn't do that so long as Victoria played his game. She still got nervous whenever she was away from her daughter and she doubted that would change. She walked towards the subway before taking a detour, grabbing hold of a set of Lego from the toy shop on the corner. Heading underground, she hoped that Billy would be home.
As she emerged on the other side of the city, she walked a few blocks towards his apartment. She buzzed on his name outside the main door, waiting for someone to answer. It didn't take long before he did.
"What?" his gruff voice came out, no manners there as usual.
"It's me," was all Victoria offered him.
Silence followed before she heard the loud buzz of the door unlocking. She grabbed hold of it and stepped inside. Walking up the steps to the apartment, she heard the click of his front door open. Standing there, he had an arm stretched on the edge of it, holding the top of the door, hip jutting out.
"This is a surprise," he commented.
"Figured I'd see if you really did want to see me to set things right or see me to yell at me," she said.
"I might end up doing both," he confessed, hand running down his beard covered chin before he stepped aside. "But you'd best come in if we're going to get into this."
She nodded, stepping into his apartment. Dropping the bag with the Lego set down onto the floor, Victoria took her bag off from her shoulder, depositing it next to it. Billy moved into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Victoria was about to ask him if he was seriously about to start drinking, but then he unscrewed the lid and poured two glasses out. She went for a 'screw it' attitude and took one of the glasses that he handed to her. His top three buttons of his black and white leave patterned shirt were undone and untucked from his jeans.
"I know that what I did wasn't right and I guess there isn't really any excuse for it, but I don't want us to fall out over it," Victoria began after taking a big gulp of the alcohol, feeling it burn her throat. Butcher remained mute, his eyes set on her, almost like he was psyching her out. But whatever staring contest he was going to have with her, he wasn't going to win. She kept on watching him back, arms folded over her chest after she set her glass down.
"If I asked you right now to choose between staying with him and leaving him-"
"-I'd leave him," Victoria interrupted before he could even finish his sentence. "I might have loved him…still have feelings for him…but whatever I feel is nothing compared to how much I despise what he's done and what he might do. Evelyn is my main priority. If he raises her how he wants to then I worry what he will do to her."
Billy considered her words and she knew that he was trying to work out if she was telling him the truth. But she didn't relent. She kept watching him, her own eyes narrowed as if she was telling him to challenge her.
"Alright," Billy just said to her and she reached for his bottle of whiskey, pouring herself another glass.
"Alright?" she echoed.
He held his glass in his hand, swirling the liquid around in the glass. "Yeah, alright."
"What? No yelling at me or telling me how stupid I was?' she asked from him and poured herself another glass, setting the bottle down on the surface.
"I can do that if you want me to," he promised her. "But I figure you're suffering enough. Besides, I had your little mate Starlight here telling me not to fuck it up or I'd have to deal with her. I'd hate to hurt Hughie's girlfriend."
Victoria scoffed. "As if you think you could hurt her," she said to her brother and sipped the drink once more. Carrying her glass over to his dining table, she took the bottle with her, finding that she didn't entirely mind morning drinking. Sitting on the wooden chair, she felt it wobble slightly before setting her drink down.
"I've killed supes before. I have ways," Billy promised, following his sister and sitting across from her. "Anyway, I don't want to talk about what you've done with that cunt. It's not exactly something I want to think about."
"You and me both," she promised him on that point. "So…if we're good…I guess I should ask if there's been any development on stopping Homelander?"
"Some," was all he gave her.
Rolling her eyes, Victoria tossed her head back and groaned. "Are you seriously not going to tell me?" she demanded, looking at him once more. He shook his head and poured himself another drink after draining his own.
"The less you know then the better it is," Billy promised her. "You might not want to be with him, but he has ways to get you talk. I'm not putting you in that predicament, alright?"
"But you can't just leave me on the outside," she complained. "I'd rather know than not know, Billy."
Sighing, Billy looked at her wide doe eyes. He couldn't entirely give her everything she wanted, but he knew she was relentless. He took a moment to fold his arms over his chest, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows as he made the motion.
"There might be some kind of weapon," he offered her. "We're looking into it, but it turns out that security in Vought is pretty tight. It's not as if they want us to find the thing that could nuke their billion-dollar baby."
"If it's in Vought's archives then how are you getting access to it?" Victoria questioned and he watched her come to a slow realisation. She let her brows rise on her forehead. "Annie? You're getting Annie to do the inside job?"
"Not Starlight," he said with a shake of his head. "Someone who hates him just as much though."
It took her a moment before she clocked on to who that could be. "Maeve?" she asked from him.
"Not a word to anyone," Billy warned her.
She snorted. "And who would I tell?" she asked her brother. "So you're working with Maeve. I didn't see that as a team up, not going to lie. For someone who despises supes, you're pretty happy using them."
"They have their uses every so often," he confessed. "But that's all I'm going to tell you. It's too dangerous you knowing anything. I mean…you live with a man who can detect a lie in an instant. If he asks you where you were and what you know-"
"-He knows where I am," Victoria interrupted Billy. "It's better telling him where I'm going than not telling him. He thinks I came here to make up with you and I did…the other stuff I can just leave out…even if you have a point that it might be for the best if I know nothing."
"Sorry…are you agreeing with me?"
"Don't get used to it," she urged from him.
"And there's something else you need to know," he said.
He had wondered if he should say anything. He'd been debating it all night since he'd found out from Annie and Maeve. But he couldn't let her go without knowing. Then again, what would she do if she knew? Would she confront him? How would he react? But he had promised her that there were no lies between them.
"What is it?"
"Homelander's slipping you something," he said, Victoria taking another sip of her drink. "We don't know what it is, but he's giving you something that alters your memories. It's only temporary, but Annie said she came to you last night and you weren't yourself. This thing, whatever it is, blocks the bad memories, not the good ones."
Victoria's brow furrowed and she thought about what she was hearing. She knew that she should be reacting more than she was. She should be furious and upset. She should be disgusted. But there was one issue. It didn't even surprise her and it seemed to make sense. She nodded her head thoughtfully, her throat clenching and mouth drying out.
"That's why I don't remember Annie bringing Evelyn's rattle back last night," Victoria said with a nod of her head. "And why I've woke up with a headache and not remembered anything about the night before…and then…"
"What is it?" Billy asked from his sister.
She looked into her lap. She tensed her muscles and felt her thighs ache. Sniffing once, she buried her face into her hands. Billy shook his head firmly, anger coursing through him. He knew what had happened without her even having to say anything to him.
"That piece of fucking shit," he grunted out.
"Why should I be surprised?" Victoria asked, arms flapping by her side as she sat up straight and looked to her brother. "If I'm acting like my old self then it would make sense that we're fucking."
"It's not consensual, Victoria. He's drugging you. He's taking advantage of you."
"But clearly I don't know that when he does it. He won't see it that way."
"It doesn't matter what way he sees it. He's forcing you."
"And what do I do?" Victoria asked from her brother. "If he knows that I know then he'll want to know who told me. He'll put the pieces together that Annie told you and you told me. He's not an idiot. He's many things, but an idiot isn't one of them."
"He threatened Annie," Billy confessed. "Told her that if she said anything then he'd destroy everything that stands in his path. I told you he was going to become even more unhinged as time went on."
"Not so long as he has what he wants," Victoria said. "So it's not as if I can confront him, is it? If I do that then he goes after Annie. I'm not risking her. I'm never going to risk her. I just…you've told me this, but there's nothing I can do about it, is there? Not really."
"We're working as hard as we can to get you away from him," Billy promised his sister and he watched her down another glass of whiskey. "I promise you that we're doing everything as quickly as possible, but if you need to get away from him then I can still get you out of there and hidden."
"And how many people would he kill to get us back?" Victoria questioned. "I'm not letting anyone else get hurt because of me. I can do this…I'll just watch what he gives me…he has to be slipping it into my drinks or something."
"I fucking despise him," Billy mumbled.
"So do I," Victoria said and she moved to her feet, the alcohol going straight to her head. "I need to go. I said that I wouldn't be long. Evelyn's in the nursery and I don't want to leave her for too long."
"Alright," Billy just said to her.
She went to grab her bag from the floor, Billy following her. Pointing down to the gift bag, she nodded to it. "That's for Ryan. It's another Lego set. Figured he might have finished the ones I got him and I'm not sure you're one for knowing how to keep a kid entertained."
"I take him board games," Billy said. "I'm not entirely useless."
"Yeah, not entirely," Victoria said and his lips quirked at hearing her.
She pulled her bag over her body before looking to her brother. He nodded his head once to her and then felt her wrapping her arms around his midriff. His own arms folded around her, chin settling on the top of her head. She closed her eyes, smelling his detergent in his shirt as he ran his hand up and down her back.
"I meant it. You don't need to go back to him. Fuck everyone else…if it keeps you safe…I don't care about anyone else."
"No, but I do," Victoria said. "I'm going to do this and it'll be fine."
"You're sure?"
"Sure," Victoria said to him with a nod of her head. She sniffed and moved to her toes, pecking him on the cheek. She stepped back and opened the door, leaving him before she ended up just crying as he held her. She headed on down to the sidewalk and was about to take the subway back to the Tower, but she deviated. She kept on walking down the streets until she found some bar that was open. She couldn't go back and smile just yet. The idea of another night of Homelander drugging her and making her forget made her feel sick. And so she sat at the bar, her and just two other people in it.
Ordering another whiskey, she knew it wasn't the best idea. But it was the only idea she had.
…
Ashley sat behind her desk, Supersonic in front of her. He was wearing his civilian clothes. She had dragged all of the shortlisted candidates for American Hero into her office, either telling them if they were going to make it to the live show or be cut before that began. His leg was nervously bouncing up and down, hand resting on his thigh as his other hand remained on the arm of the chair he was sat on. Ashley remained staring at her computer in front of her. She'd barely glanced in his direction since he came in.
"So, Supersonic," she said and he looked at her with an expectant gaze. "You've tested very well with audiences so far. People find you charming and also earnest about your past…plus, there's the fact that you are extremely attractive to young women."
He chuckled anxiously. "I can't claim any credit for that. It's just genetics," he offered her.
She motioned to him with a smile. "See? Humble," she commented and then leant back in her chair, fingers lacing together on her stomach. "I mean, it's obvious that you're in. It's a no brainer."
"Oh thank God," Alex muttered and sank back in his chair, a soft laugh escaping him as Ashley smiled. She figured he could have a moment to be excited before she asked him to go. She had more meetings to conduct and she knew they wouldn't be as pleasant. But then her phone began to ring on her desk.
She picked it up and held a hand up, motioning for Alex to give her a minute. "Yeah…what? What do you mean she's there? Have you got them to keep quiet? No…tell him to close the bar…no photos…nothing…Homelander is busy all day. I can get him…no…he's going to be furious…what the fuck is she thinking?"
She hung up, slamming the phone down. Supersonic frowned. "Everything alright?"
"Nothing is fucking alright," she complained. "She's becoming an absolute pain in my ass. She never does what she's told and Homelander…fuck…he's going to be so fucking fuming."
"Victoria?" Alex checked that was who she was talking about. "What about her?"
Ashley eyed him curiously. Alex didn't want to overstep, but he got the feeling that something bad was happening.
"I met her that day in the elevator," he pointed out to Ashley. "I've seen her around a few times. She seems nice…I just want to make sure she's alright."
"She's fine. She's completely trashed out of her face at some bar downtown. Our PR teams managed to get hold of the photographs before they end up all over the internet and with the press," Ashley said. "But I need someone to get down there and get her into a car asap. Homelander will probably be-"
"-What if I go?" Alex interrupted Ashley. "Do you really want to be bothering Homelander with this? He's busy and like you say, he'll probably be annoyed at being interrupted. I can get to her…get her in a car…bring her back without anyone knowing anything."
"You think you can do that?" Ashley asked. The part about him not telling Homelander anything was the most appealing part for her. She almost dreaded to think what he might do because his image was everything right now and his wife getting drunk at one in the afternoon wasn't going to help him.
"Yeah," Alex said with a nod of his head. "Just give me the name of the bar and I'll get down there."
"And not a word of this to anyone," Ashley said to him, scribbling on a piece of paper.
He held his hand up. "Promise," he said and she handed him the scrap. He checked out the address and moved to stand up.
"A car will be waiting downstairs for you. Get her and then get out," Ashley instructed him. "Homelander is busy until this evening and Evelyn is in the nursery. She has about six hours to sober up."
"I'll get her gallons of water," Alex called out, leaving the office and wondering what he was going to find.
…
The bar was dark and dingy. Alex stepped into it and found Victoria sat on a stool, a glass in her hand as she peered into its dark depths. The bartender was wiping the bar down out of habit, his eyes flickered across to Alex as he entered the space. There was no one else in the bar. The barkeep had told them to go and put the closed sign on the door until he saw a black car pull up outside.
"I saw who she was," the man said in a gruff voice like she wasn't there. She may as well not be judging on the way her eyes glazed over and she was looking anywhere but at them. "A few people took photos before I kicked them out and closed the place."
"Why did you do that?" Alex wondered. He was at one end of the bar and Victoria the other. The two men spoke in hushed tones.
"Because she…I serve miserable people drinks all day. Most of them can just stagger home and sleep off the hangover, not have their faces splashed across the press," he said. "I'm not in the business of making people's lives even worse than they are."
Alex nodded his head, thankful for that much. He looked over to Victoria as she tossed back the drink. He sighed and folded his arms over his chest, scratching his chin before nodding his head. "Any chance I can use your store room or something to talk to her? Don't want to risk people seeing us through the window."
"Be my guest," he said with a nod of his head, motioning to a door behind the bar.
Alex walked over to Victoria, footsteps slow and heavy. She turned her gaze towards him when he stopped next to her. She played with her empty glass, finger moving over the rim of it aimlessly. Looking back into it, she shrugged her shoulders.
"You here to bring me home?" she questioned.
"Ashley got word you were here. It was either me she sent or Homelander," he said to her and she closed her eyes. Homelander. He was going to be so angry with her if he found out. Why had she not thought of that? Then again, she hadn't really thought of anything except for herself and what she wanted.
"Come on. You need to sober up."
"No…because this doesn't hurt…this is helping," she said and then lifted her head up, looking to the barkeeper. "Can I get another, please?"
"A water," Alex added on. "Please?"
The bartender poured a glass of water from a jug. There was no ice or lemon to flavour it. Then again, Victoria wasn't going to be in any position to complain. He placed it down in front of her. Victoria sniffed and looked at it, shaking her head. "That isn't whiskey."
"No, it's neat vodka," Alex said sarcastically. She looked to him with an arched brow and picked up the glass. She took a gulp and shot him a glare.
"Liar."
"Well, of course it's not," he complained with a roll of his own eyes. "Come on. We need to talk, but we're not doing it here where anyone could see from the street."
He picked up her glass of water for her and took her arm, giving her no chance but to slip from the bar stool. She stumbled behind after him, her boots clicking on the floor. He slowed down as he pushed the door open to what he suspected was a store room. There were crates piled on top of each other, some empty bottles dotted around. The wooden floor was sticky and the lamp dull, barely lighting the room. Alex closed the door behind him as he let go of Victoria's arm, depositing her to sit down on one of the crates. Crouching in front of her, he handed her the glass of water.
"What's happened? Has he hurt you?" Alex asked now that they were in private.
He saw her take the glass, her hair falling in her face. She leant forwards, head bowed. She picked up the glass and took a drink, Alex guiding her hand as she seemed to struggle to lift it. He kept a hand around her wrist, urging her to drink more while waiting for her to answer him. She sniffed and managed to look him in the eye.
"He's been wiping my memories," Victoria said to Alex, speech slightly slurred.
"Homelander?" he checked with her.
She nodded once. "He's got something…it stops me from remembering what happened…the bad things…" she told Alex. "And he can't know that I know because then he'll hurt people. He'll know that someone told me…Billy…Annie…he'd hurt them…I know he would. He might not hurt me, but he'd hurt them and I can't risk them."
Alex remained mute, not entirely certain how such a thing was possible. Then again, he remembered who Homelander worked for. Vought surely had things up their sleeves that they would prefer to keep hidden. He thought about what that must be like for Victoria and what she was going through. He helped lift the glass of water back to her lips, urging for her to drink it.
"How does he do it?"
"I think in my drink," Victoria muttered and Alex nodded thoughtfully. He guessed that would be the easiest way to do it. "I figured if I drank enough…I'd just get home and pass out…but then I thought about Evelyn. She needs me."
"She does, but you also need someone because what he's doing is wrong. He can't get away with it."
"But he has to," Victoria said, hand going to Alex's shoulder and holding it tightly. Looking him in the eye, he could see desperation coming from her. "You can't tell him what you know. I don't want him to hurt you. I…I shouldn't have even told you…too many people are involved…it's going to end badly."
"Yeah, maybe it will," he agreed with her. "But so long as I know that I'm on the right side then I don't care."
"You should," she said pointedly back to him. "He's dangerous. You shouldn't have come here. If he finds out-"
"-I think he might be more concerned with his wife being so drunk she can hardly stand," Alex interrupted her. "Let's figure one thing out a time, okay? But right now, I think you need to go home and sleep this off. I doubt Homelander is going to bother giving you anything tonight."
"No, but he will tomorrow night," Victoria retorted and Alex pursed his lips. He couldn't exactly argue with her there. She had a point. "And when he does…I won't know anything…he…the idea of him touching me without me knowing…what he does…it makes me feel sick. And I can't do anything. I can't go against him because he'd hurt Annie. I just have to keep doing it…knowing that eventually he'll have what he wants."
Alex didn't want to imagine it, but he was struggling not to. The idea of Victoria's mind not being her own and her husband controlling her to get his own way made him feel queasy. He heard her hiccupping then, eyes wet and tears falling down her cheeks slowly. Sighing, he took the glass from her hand and set it down on the floor. Standing up, he moved to take her hand and pull her up. Holding his arms out, he moved them around her.
"Come here," he said.
And she let him hold her. She clung onto him, face pressed against his light blue t-shirt and he ran his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her as she cried. He had no idea how she had kept it together this long knowing what she knew. He closed his eyes, trying not to think of the way her body was pressed against his or how he could smell strawberry shampoo in her hair as it brushed his nose. Her tears were soaking through his top, but he was hardly going to complain about that. He dared to raise a hand to cradle the back of her head, fingers tangling into her soft hair.
"I know it's hard," Alex promised her. "And I can't tell you that I understand what you're going through because I don't think anyone can…but I am here, okay? You have Annie too. Homelander can't be around you all of the time and when he isn't then you know you have friends…people who care."
"I know," Victoria said with a nod against his neck, her cheek by his shoulder as her face turned inwards and she peered up, making out the outline of his jaw. "I just want to keep you all safe from him."
"And we appreciate that, but we want the same thing," he assured her. "We're going to find a way out of this, but it's going to take time. And if you can't face going back then I can try-"
"-Don't," Victoria interrupted him, shaking her head and pulling back to peer up at him as his hand dipped into the small of her back, feeling her arch. "I would never go anyway. I had the same conversation with my brother. I just need to go home and wait…help in any way that I can."
"But not in any way that would get you hurt," he said pointedly and she moved her hand to his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.
"You don't need to get involved."
"Too late," he said with a shake of his head. "Pretty sure I was involved as soon as you took me hostage in an elevator."
She let out a dry laugh at that. "Bet you wish that had never happened."
"Nah," he said with a shake of his head, lips arching slightly at her. "Turns out having your own runaway bride isn't too bad."
There was a moment of silence between them where Victoria wondered what it might be like to have someone normal in her life. Her eyes flickered to his lips for a second as his hand went from the back of her head to tuck her hair behind her ear. She snapped out of it after a moment and shook her head. Even if she was drunk, she couldn't do anything like this. She couldn't put anyone else at risk. She took a step back and looked to the door as Alex felt his own droop to the floor.
"We should go," Victoria managed to say.
"Yeah," he agreed with her. "You going to be alright getting out of here?"
"I'll be fine," Victoria said and he saw her sway on her feet.
He sighed and followed her out to the car, hovering behind her and making sure she didn't fall on her way and grabbing her bag for her on the way. He made sure no one was watching as she sunk into the backseat of the car and looked out of the window, biting down on her bottom lip. He kept stealing occasional glances across to her, noting how she looked lost in thought, her hands curled up in her lap and her legs crossed. Looking to his own lap, he shook his head and knew that he was getting in far too deep.
…
Victoria had Ashley yelling at her as soon as she got out of the car and took the service elevator up towards the top floors. She had ignored most of what she said, preferring not to get involved in an argument. She'd leant against the elevator wall, Alex stood outside of it and watching as the doors closed. She mouthed a 'thank you' and he just gave her a soft wave before she left.
"Homelander is already back. He picked Evelyn up from the nursery. I haven't told him where you were or what you were doing, but I'd imagine he's going to know as soon as you walk in," Ashley declared, tapping away on her tablet that she held firmly in her grasp. "Did you really think it was a bright idea to go out and get drunk in the middle of the day? You're like…I don't know…the First Lady of America for this company…what you do…everything you do reflects on Vought and Homelander."
"He's back?" Victoria asked from Ashley.
"Yeah, his last interview and the production meeting were cancelled and so he came back early. I told him that you had been delayed, but I'm not getting involved in whatever domestic this is. All I know is that you need to fix it. You can't go round acting like this."
"Why do you assume I'm the bad guy here?" Victoria asked, the elevator moving almost too fast for her as a bout of nausea passed through her gut. Ashley looked to her and the anger on her face faltered for a moment. She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something but she didn't. She just went back to looking at her screen and Victoria got it.
"Because you'd never tell him any of this," she whispered and Ashley neither confirmed or denied it.
She soon came to the penthouse, leaving Ashley behind and finding Homelander in the living room. Evelyn was in her cot, napping soundly as Homelander peered down at her. His hands were curled around the wood of the crib, eyes focused on his sleeping daughter as he smiled to her. Victoria tossed her bag down onto the ground and raked a hand through her hair. Pushing her shoes from her feet, she left them by the door and moved further into the living room.
"You smell like a brewery," Homelander simply spoke, eyes still on his daughter. His tone was soft, but Victoria could hear the malice in his tone. She knew better than to think that he was being kind to her. "May I ask what possessed you to clearly spend the day drinking?"
"I went to see Billy," was all Victoria offered to him.
But he wasn't leaving it at that. He turned to her then, lips arched in a menacing smile. She saw him place his hands behind his back. Moving by him, he let her go into the kitchen. He was close on her trail, footsteps menacingly following her. Reaching into the fridge, she grabbed a bottle of water and tugged it from the inside shelf. Unscrewing the lid, she could feel her head beginning to pound. Her stomach was practically empty except for a granola bar and she felt sick. She wasn't going to get out of this anytime soon though.
"And it didn't go well?"
"It went fine…but I…I just got overwhelmed," Victoria said. "After everything that's happened with Daniella…losing Michelle…I just needed to let off some steam."
She knew he was listening to tell if she was lying to him, but a part of it was true.
"I wanted to forget for a little while and I know it was stupid, but I did it. Can you just spare me a lecture because I've already had one from Ashley and I don't need one from you too?" she asked from him and he chuckled at her attitude as she took a swig of water, quickly gulping it down. He moved towards her slowly and he saw her shrink back, resting against the closed door of the fridge.
"Then why did I see Supersonic in the car with you?"
"You were spying on me?"
"I have x-ray vision, sweetheart," he reminded her. "I was watching out for you and I saw him there. What were you doing with him?"
"I didn't ask him to come," Victoria defended herself quickly as he lifted the back of his hand towards her cheek, brushing it slowly, knuckles dragging along her cheekbone. "Ashley sent him because he was in a meeting with her. He was concerned and she didn't want you to know…she figured you'd be angry."
"Angry that my wife is acting like nothing but a sloppy drunk? I might have been mildly irritated," he said. "But angry that my wife came home with another man? I think that's reasonable."
She rolled her eyes. "I hardly came home with him," she retorted and he moved quickly, listing his hands to press against the fridge on either side of her head, keeping her trapped against him.
"I heard him at our wedding," he said to her and her eyes widened at that. "I saw him and I heard him…how he was concerned about you…holding you close…tell me I have nothing to be jealous over now? Hmm?"
"How can you be jealous when nothing is going on between us?" Victoria demanded from him. "You're being irrational and I have too much of a headache to deal with this."
"We're not done here," he said, lowering his arm to stop her from slipping out underneath it. "I've tried, Victoria. I've had patience with you. I've given you time. I've done practically everything a good husband should do. I'm a good father. But you still insist on acting like this…acting like a common whore with someone else."
"Nothing happened!" Victoria yelled at him, hand moving to his chest to try and stop him from moving closer to her when she wanted him nowhere near her. "And it doesn't matter what you do, John, because we're never going to be how we were! We can't go back to that and you know that. I'm here because of Evelyn. I'm here for my daughter because you gave me no other option. But us? There is no us. We're finished. You can keep deluding yourself as much as you want…thinking I need time…but time isn't going to fix it. It's not going to fix us!"
Homelander shook his head firmly, hand going to her chin and holding it in his grasp firmly that she swore it might bruise. "You're the one kidding yourself. What happened in Chicago wasn't a mistake. You still love me and I still love you…but this attitude…your surliness…it's growing old. I'm your husband and you are my wife…mine…no one else's…is that understood? Because I know you still want me."
"All I want," Victoria said, suspecting that the alcohol was making her feel even less inhibited than usual, "is for you to get the fuck away from me because you disgust me."
He was taken aback for a moment at her words and she pushed past him. But he came to his senses, anger coursing through him at hearing her. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him. She tried to move her other hand to push him away, but he grabbed that, twisting her arm behind her back. He forced her over the worktop, his front pressed against her back as she remained trapped against the marble, her cheek turned to the side. He bent down, hissing into her ear.
"I disgust you so much that you begged me to fuck you in Chicago…clung onto my hand…cried against me after I told doctors to save your life over our daughter's…let me hold you after your nightmares…all of that and you still have the cheek to say I disgust you when you let me do whatever I wanted to you that night and you enjoyed it. You begged for more…maybe you need reminding, is that it? You feeling neglected, darling? Do you need me to remind you how only I can give you what you want?"
She felt his hand slip down to the waistband of her skirt and she shook her head as he toyed with it. She bucked her hips, trying to push him off of her. "No," she snapped at him. "John, no."
She thrashed underneath him as he tried to keep her still, listening to her screaming and begin to cry before he heard Evelyn begin to cry. He pulled back from her and Victoria collapsed against the worktop, turning around and looking to him. Her hands hung onto the worktop firmly and he saw her start to cry, her cheeks red and her eyes narrowed in his direction. He took a deep breath and raked a hand through his perfectly coiffed hair.
"I would…Victoria…I'd never…" he began but she shook her head firmly.
He took a step towards her, but she held her hand up and he stopped coming any closer. "Don't come near me," she demanded from him. "I don't want you anywhere near me."
"Victoria, as if you think I'd try and force myself on you. I'd never do that."
"I'm taking Evelyn upstairs. Leave me alone," she snapped at him.
"Vicky, come on," John complained.
"Leave me the fuck alone!" she snapped at him and he ground his teeth together, anger coursing through him at hearing her speak to him like that. But he didn't chase after her. He let her leave, hearing her coo over Evelyn and pick her up. She grabbed her and ran upstairs, the guest bedroom door slamming shut. Homelander clenched his hand into a fist and bowed his head, slamming it down onto the worktop and shattering the marble beneath him.
As soon as Victoria had slammed the door, she heard the smash from downstairs. She winced at the sound of it, holding Evelyn tight to her chest as she bounced her up and down, trying to get her to stop crying. Her own tears fell down her cheeks as she moved into the guest room and paced up and down. "It's alright, sweetie," she promised her daughter. "I've got you…I promise that I've got you…you're okay."
She repeated the words over and over to her, waiting until she calmed down. Everything downstairs had gone quiet and Victoria suspected that Homelander had probably gone out somewhere. She settled on the edge of the bed, holding Evelyn and closing her eyes, inhaling her baby's smell, nose pressed to the top of her head.
"I'll get us out of here, baby," she said, voice nothing more than a whisper. "I promise."
…
A/N: Things are going to step up as we hit season 3! Thanks so much to everyone who is reading and reviewing. Your reviews keep me so motivated! Do let me know what you think - a certain film premiere is happening in the next chapter!