Second Thoughts

Warning: Love Scene

Kelsi's next to last day in New York City started with an early breakfast with her parents and a family walk around The Big Apple. They enjoyed the morning together despite the looming task of packing that hung over Kelsi's mind. After seeing them off to catch their plane back to Albuquerque, Kelsi and Jason made their way back to Juilliard. Graduation was finally over, and she still hadn't packed! Luckily, she had a pair of strong, calloused helping hands that would get the job done and then maybe help her out of her clothes later. As they moved around her room, gathering all of her belongings into boxes and her clothes into bags, she couldn't help but feel nervous. It was so much change, in so short a time.

"I'm still not sure about this, Jason," Kelsi said, her voice strained. She fidgeted with the zipper of her suitcase, avoiding his eyes as he packed a box with her books and notebooks.

Jason paused and turned to her, a flicker of confusion crossing his face. "Why not, Kels?" he asked, his tone a little sharper than he intended.

"It just feels rushed," she replied, wringing her hands. "Everyone's going to think we're crazy."

Jason stiffened, his jaw clenching. "I gave up worrying what other people think a long time ago, Kels," he countered, his voice steady despite the rising tension. "We talked about that. What does it even matter?"

"Or maybe," she continued, "you just want me to move in so you don't have to drive across the city every time you want me..."

"Ouch," Jason muttered, a flicker of hurt crossing his face before he managed a wry smile, "that's hitting below the belt, Kels." He paused, considering her words. "Is that really what you think this is about?"

Kelsi couldn't help but smile back, a brief moment of lightness in their tense exchange. "I don't know, it's gotta be part of it," she mused, "I'm just a bit embarrassed is all." A heavy silence descended over her dorm, the once familiar space feeling increasingly small and suffocating.

Jason felt a surge of frustration. "Wait, you're embarrassed about moving in with me?!" he retorted, his voice faltering as his emotions rose. He crossed his arms and shook his head in disbelief. "Are you ashamed of me, Kelsi?"

"No! I'm not, Jason. It just exposes our business to everyone. It makes it obvious that we're sleeping together. I just find it embarrassing that my private life would be so exposed."

"That's bullshit, Kelsi! Everyone knows already! We haven't kept it a secret. What makes you so self-conscious now?"

A long silence lingered until she finally spoke. "I've never been as bold as you, Jason."

He took a deep breath and searched her face for answers, trying to understand. "Did I do something wrong? Was there some way I acted in our relationship that ever made you uncomfortable?"

"No, it was never like that."

"Then I'm confused, Kels." He took a deep breath. "Do you not want people to know we're partners? That I love you so much I want to share my home and life with you?"

Kelsi felt a lump form in her throat and her heart ached at the hurt in Jason's eyes. "I don't mind if people know," she began softly, her voice barely a whisper, "I just didn't want to broadcast it, especially with the teaching job."

"Okay, that's new," Jason replied, his frustration evident. "You've gotta help me out here, Kels. What does your new job have to do with us living together?"

"I'm worried about how it looks," she said. "What if the other teachers think I'm setting a bad example? It could affect how they treat me, how the higher ups see me. I'm scared. Scared of losing this job before I even start."

Jason's anger subsided, replaced by concern. He approached her and took her hand, his thumb gently stroking her knuckles. "I get it," he said softly. "It's a big step. And I was wrong to dismiss your concerns. Do you really think they care what your personal life looks like, Kels? I'm sure there's lots of different situations amongst the staff."

"There might be," Kelsi answered, "but is that a risk I can take just so we can have sex whenever we want?"

Jason's anger flared for a moment, but it was quickly replaced with hurt. Did she really think he was that shallow? He heaved a heavy breath to make his case. "Kels, I want to build a life with you. This isn't about convenience, it's about..." he searched for the right words, "...coming home to you every day. I want to wake up with you every morning, make your tea, and listen to you play your music while I cook breakfast. I'd like to be the one massaging your feet when you've had a bad day, and enjoy it with you when you have a good one. It's about sharing our lives, not just a bed."

Kelsi's breath caught at the tenderness in his voice, the sweet visions of their life together dancing in her mind. "I want all that too, J. I just want to make a good impression, you know? I want to be taken seriously."

"And you will be," Jason assured her, stroking her cheek. "You're amazing at what you do, and you'll be a great teacher. You have nothing to prove and nothing to apologize for."

Kelsi laid her head on his chest, her mind still a battlefield of decisions and desires. She slowly sorted it out, determining that it was none of the school's concern what her life looked like outside of the classroom. She was there to teach music and so long as she showed up to do just that, what could they do? They stood in silence for a long moment, the weight of their disagreement slowly lifting. Kelsi squeezed Jason's body tightly, a soft smile playing on her lips. "You know, I like the sound of that. 'Partners' sounds good to me," she said, her voice filled with a warmth that eased more lingering tensions. The term felt right, signifying a deepening commitment, a natural progression from boyfriend and girlfriend.

Jason leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Me too, that's why I said it."

"It definitely feels like we're more than dating now, Jason. We're melding our lives together with this, having to consider each other with most everything we do. We do need to be partners in this."

He suddenly felt a surge of warmth and affection for her. What she was saying made sense. They were evolving, their relationship deepening with every shared experience. "We are, Kels," he said, pulling her closer with a deep sigh.

"I love you, Jason, and we'll build a life of love, commitment and respect. Not to mention smokin' hot sex. If they want to talk, we'll give them something to talk about," she said with a giggle.

"I like that idea," he laughed with her, running his fingers through her soft hair and letting his fingertips trace her cheek. "The whole damn state can talk about us, I don't care, I'll still be sleeping with you," he said with a wink that sent them both into a fit of soft relaxing laughter.

As they continued packing, the atmosphere in the dorm shifted. The tension that had dominated the room was slowly replaced by a sense of unity.

"How do you feel about some dinner?" Kelsi said as she looked at her phone for the time, noticing it was nearly 6. They headed out for one last New York City dining experience before returning to get everything ready to go down to the jeep in the morning.

"So this is it, huh?" Kelsi said, glancing at Jason across the room. All the boxes and bags sat in a neat line along the wall beside her door, anxiously awaiting their turn to get loaded into Jason's Jeep.

"Yep, I bet you can't wait to get out of here. Think you've done everything you wanted to do?"

She stood and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Yeah I'm good, I'm so ready to leave. Anything you want to wring out of New York City before we go?"

"Actually there is," he said with a glance out the window, noticing the sun starting to sink and the city falling dim, "come with me."

They hit the pavement and headed uptown, Kelsi latching onto Jason's hand as she repeatedly probed for him to reveal where they were going.

"Just be patient, baby," he said with a kiss on her cheek, "you won't be disappointed I promise." Jason led the way on a long walk, building the anticipation for Kelsi until they arrived at Rockefeller Plaza, Kelsi drawing in a gasp when she realized where they could be going.

"Wait, are you going to go up with me? What about the height?" she asked with concern. He didn't answer, only leading the way into Rockefeller Centre and joining the queue for the elevator. His foot tapped rapidly for a moment before he turned to her.

"I don't know, I guess we'll find out together," he said with a deep breath.

Kelsi looked back with a soft smile. "Jason, we don't have to," she said gently, "if it's too much for you—" he cut her off with a gentle kiss.

"You wanted to see this, Kels, and I'd like to make that happen for you. Before we go." He pulled her into the elevator with a gentle squeeze of her hand. As the numbers ticked upwards towards the 70th floor, the anticipation crackled in the air, a shared nervous excitement thrumming between them.

Kelsi could feel Jason stiffen beside her, his palm becoming slightly sweaty. She brushed her thumb across his knuckles, grounding him with a silent touch.

He met her gaze, a flicker of nervousness in his eyes, but there was something else there too, a deep affection and trust.

She smiled reassuringly. "We're almost there," she said, glancing at the display reading 65, "I can't wait to see the city sparkle from up here, together."

A hesitant smile tugged at the corner of Jason's lips as the elevator doors chimed, signalling their arrival at the top. He took a deep breath, her hand warm and reassuring in his, and stepped out into the breathtaking panorama of New York City at night. The city sprawled out before them, a dazzling carpet of twinkling lights that stretched as far as the eye could see. The iconic buildings, once towering above their heads, were now miniature monuments at their feet.

Kelsi's awestruck gaze swept across the cityscape, momentarily forgetting Jason's apprehension. A wide smile bloomed on her face, brighter than the lights below. "Wow, Jason, isn't this incredible?! It's like a million fireflies scattered across the night," she exclaimed, her voice filled with childlike wonder.

Jason's breath hitched as she pulled him closer to the rail. The sheer height made his palms grow slick with nervous sweat. He squeezed her hand back, a silent thanks as the view was definitely worth the nerve wracking climb. "It is pretty amazing," he admitted, a hint of worry still edging into his voice.

She turned her back to the railing and pulled him close to wrap her arms around his neck. "You're doing great. Give me a kiss, baby," she said as she stood on her toes to close most of the distance between them. He hesitated, catching a glimpse of the sudden drop down over her shoulder, then snapped his gaze back to her eyes. Seeing the lights of the sparkling city reflected in those bright green gems as she gazed up at him ignited a warmth in his chest, her confidence flowing over his nerves. The way his fearless lover glowed against the cityscape, it made him forget his trepidations and he quickly brought his lips onto hers. Remembering he could kiss her anytime, he pulled back, turning her at her hips to face out to the city again.

She leaned into his chest, feeling his heartbeat had slowed down, finally calmed and enjoying this amazing view with her.

"Are you going to miss it?" he asked, releasing a sigh as she sank deeper into his arms.

"Sure, I've had a good time here," she replied, "but going home with you is going to be a hell of a lot better than this."

"Just waiting for morning, and then we're out of here," he sighed.

"But we're going to have some more fun before morning right?" Kelsi pressed her hips further back into Jason's, feeling his heart start to race as she snuggled into his chest.

"I wonder how fast that elevator is…" Jason said with a snicker.

Kelsi wandered to the window when they returned to her dorm, taking in the lights again. Even though she wouldn't miss the hustle and bustle of this messed up city, she sure would miss this beautiful sight of the sparkling cityscape.

Jason approached her and gently rested his hands on her hips, caressing the gentle curve up to her waist. "You okay, baby?" he whispered in her ear.

Kelsi slid the curtains closed and turned around to face him, laying her palms flat against his firm chest and sliding her hands down his torso. "Can I ask you for something, J?"

His pulse increased as her fingertips played with the hem of his shirt, the softness of her inquiry intriguing him and turning him on at the same time. "Sure, Kels. What is it?"

She raised her eyes to meet his and moved a step closer. "Will you make love to me?"

He paused and gave her a confused look. He couldn't resist a short laugh. Didn't he always? "That was my plan," he said with a chuckle.

Her gaze didn't waver. "I mean, really, really make love to me. Not that I don't always enjoy it, but the few times we've been intimate since you got here, it's felt like… crazy affair sex."

"Oh, like we're rushing or something?" he asked with a hand on her cheek.

"Yeah, I guess just with grad and the move, all the busyness lately, I'm just in the mood to slow it down tonight."

Jason wrapped his other hand around the small of her back to pull her tightly into his embrace. "You know I love it when you tell me what you want, babe," he said with a smile before he captured her mouth in a deep kiss. It was unhurried and passionate, exactly what Kelsi needed to feel. He gently pushed her into the closest wall, letting his lips make a slow path down her neck. "Let me remind you that I'm not just an end game only guy," he whispered. "I'm after every inch of you."

Kelsi's breaths became ragged and shallow, each one filled with rising desperation as his name drifted off her lips. She heard him murmur her name too, keeping the movements of his hands slow as he slipped them under her shirt and up to her heaving breasts. "Oh, Jason" she gasped, "I love that."

He pressed harder, feeling her body responding in all the ways he knew and loved. Her fingertips dug into his skin, the scent drifting off of her changed to a heady aroma, her eyes darkened. Every twitch of her body gave away that she was ready, but he had to stretch this out. He wanted her well past ready and nigh on desperate.

"Then let me touch more of you." His voice was soft, but demanding, unwilling to take no for an answer.

She nodded gently, surrendering fully to his touch as he snaked his hands back down her body and began to rid her of her clothes. He ripped her shirt over her head and his own before she reached to help him with her jeans, but he put a hand on hers. "No, don't, honey, let me do it." When he pulled them off her ankles along with her damp panties, his lips made their way back up her leg, gently lifting it over his shoulder. Her legs began to tremble as his lips settled against her slick heat, his tongue making tantalizing motions.

"That's just what I wanted, hun," she sighed, enjoying the feelings as his tongue delved deeper into her crevices, each swipe still unhurried and passionate. As the tension coiled in her womb, it was all she could do to gasp for breath and croak out a few desperate words. "Jason… I want… please baby, make me come…"

He paused and smiled up at her. "I will, Kels. Be patient, love," he replied before he added more long and gentle strokes with his tongue, pulling her into his mouth. She moaned, and whimpered, then started turning the air blue with language so coarse he thought he might burst into laughter. Until at last she came, clutching his shoulders to keep from falling over as he lapped up every drop of her pleasure.

He stood and scooped her shuddering body up in his arms, anxious for more now that she'd given him a taste of her desperation. "Now I want you in that bed, woman," he said as he carried her across the room. He released her onto the bed, quickly unfastening his belt as she lay in a crumpled heap, still coming down from her climax. In moments he had a condom on and slid between her legs, entering her with one firm stroke that made her eyes roll back in her head.

"Oh, Jason," she breathed. "You've got me torn, baby."

"Between what and what?" he asked as he rocked his hips back and forth slowly.

"I wanted slow and passionate, but now I want you to just fuck me hard. I don't know if you can do both?"

He grinned and grasped her thigh to pull it over his hip. "I can do that, I can do anything you need." He pressed slow and hard, harder than he thought she could handle, but she responded perfectly. Her back arched off the bed, her hips rising in perfect time with his deep, strong strokes. He bent and kissed her swollen lips again, probing her mouth deeply with his tongue. She broke away as the depth of his strokes sent her head back into the pillow with a sharp yelp of pleasure.

"You feel that?" he asked, tilting her head back down to look into her eyes, the deep dark green telling him she was close and ready to break at any moment. "Can you feel how much I love you, baby?"

"I feel it. Oh Jason! You're gonna make me— ah!" The strength of her rising orgasm made her cry out in urgency and he bore down, drawing the pleasure from her body to leave her gasping.

"Come on, baby, come all over me!" he urged.

Kelsi's vision dissolved, replaced by the intoxicating rhythm of their shared desire until she fell apart, then the world slowly came back into focus. "That was amazing," she sighed and relaxed. As the intensity of her climax faded, Jason slowed to catch his breath, then he picked up the speed again.

"Oh no, I'm not done with you yet," he said firmly. "One more, Kelsi!" At his hoarse command and the renewed intensity of his thrusts, she tightened around him and he couldn't hold on anymore, his climax barreling forward as she moaned deeply.

"Come with me, lover! Let go, J!"

His body shuddered as he groaned her name, releasing with a slam of his fist against the wall behind her bed. She jumped at the sound and he laid his forehead against hers. "Sorry… damn, Kels, you're so good! Geez, still going…" They crashed at the finish, shuddering and gasping, the sweat on their spent bodies making the sheets cling to their skin. Jason sighed in satisfaction, pulling Kelsi close as she too released groans of contentment.

"Jason Adriano Cross," she sighed with a giddy smile, wiping her damp forehead with the back of her shaking hand, "you are, hands down, the best fucking lover on the planet."