AN: Thank you all for reading and reviewing. It really means a lot to me. A huge thank you also goes out to my wonderful Beta. All the mistakes are mine I assure you. The song used is called 'A Long way from happiness' from Elton John. Sometimes you hear things on the radio. ;)

Chapter 23

Grissom was too worked up to go back to sleep after his conversation with Sara. How could she do this to him? Finally giving up completely, he drove to the lab. He had mounds of paperwork that he kept avoiding, and the further he could banish the thought of one Sara Sidle from his mind the better. Not that it ever worked for long.

Several hours of paperwork did not improve his mood one bit. This was probably the part of his job he found most tedious. The team was starting to arrive, but there was no sign of Sara yet. Grissom wasn't very keen on talking to her anyway so he was content to wait. Brass came in with some files.

"What's eating you?" he asked, giving Grissom a critical look, probably seeing his irritation on his face.

"Are those the files I asked for?" Grissom was in no mood for a one-to-one chit-chat.

Brass shrugged and gave it to him, picking up on his friend's mood.

"Where's Sidle?" Ecklie burst into Grissom's office.

"Not in yet," Grissom answered not bothering to look up. "Why?"

"Firstly I would like an apology for vomiting all over me yesterday, secondly I would like to know why she saw fit to interrogate Conrad Nievies's niece." Ecklie fumed melodramatically counting it on his fingers.

"It was about the kid that swallowed a fire-cracker, and we didn't interrogate her" Brass supplied answered matter-of-factly, smoothly dismissing the issue. "Sara's sick?"

"Since when do you yank kids off school busses?"

"We didn't. We talked to her before school. And we talked to all the kid's friends."

"Did you grill them about their uncles as well?"

"When was Sara sick?" Brass ignored Ecklie non-pulsed.

Ecklie stared at Brass and then Grissom, meeting only his steely blue gaze.

"She's getting sloppy and her paper work was again not done. Get control of your team Grissom or I will." Ecklie huffed and stormed out.

Brass glanced at Grissom, who was frowning as he picked up the phone, seeing the worry etched on his friends face.

"What do you know Gill?"

Listening to the dial tone on Sara's home phone, Grissom reluctantly answered.

"She phoned me this morning. She sounded disorientated and confused and slurred some of her words. I assumed she was drunk," Grissom met Brass's gaze with embarrassment.

Brass didn't ask the obvious question. Grissom didn't bother to give an answer and covered his discomfort by trying Sara's cell instead. It went straight to voicemail.

Brass watched the myriad of emotions crossing his friends face and took the decision out of his hands.

"Have Catherine handle the shift. Meet me in the parking lot in ten minutes."

Grissom kept trying to reach Sara all the way to her apartment complex as Brass drove. When they got there they were alarmed to see that her Prius was missing from its parking spot.

"Why do you have a key?" Brass asked as Grissom let them into Sara's apartment.

"She gave it to me when she first came to Vegas. For emergencies."

"Uh-huh."

Grissom covered the red rising from his collar by moving to the rest of the apartment. Everything seemed in place. The apartment felt lived in but neat. Not that he'd been there many times before. Walking into her empty apartment felt like a violation of her trust. There weren't any dirty dishes in the sink. Tentatively Grissom looked in the various rooms, the whole place smelled like Sara. The bed was made and Grissom wondered if it had been slept in the previous night. Standing in Sara's bedroom for the first time and thinking of Sara in her bed was pushing emotions on him he really wasn't up to dealing with in that moment. Not that he ever felt comfortable indulging his attraction to Sara in any case. Fighting to keep a professional view, Grissom made his way to her bathroom. Sara's cell phone lay on the bathroom floor next to a towel. Lights flashing to indicate missed calls. The bathroom smelled keenly of sick. Grissom knew what an obsessive germaphobe Sara was. No way would she have left the bathroom like this if she had had a choice. The first cold fingers of panic started to play on Grissom's mind.

Grissom returned to the television room, bringing Sara's cell with him. There, he found Sara's purse and handbag on the mantle piece where they had been dropped. She had even left her sun-glasses.

"Is she seeing anyone at the moment?" Brass asked Grissom, not bothering to state the obvious.

"I think she is seeing a guy called Chris."

Admitting it to Brass made it more real that Sara was in a relationship with another man. It made Grissom feel incredibly old. Taking the cell from his friend's numb fingers, Brass scrolled through the contact list.

"No Chris."

Grissom knew he shouldn't really be cheered by this but he was, and the lead ball in the pit of his stomach seemed to dissipate somewhat.

"Any family in Vegas?"

"No."

"Ok, then we start at the beginning."

Taking out his own phone, Brass started phoning local hospitals.

Grissom tried to rack his brain for where Sara could be or where she could have gone. He replayed the previous night's conversation with Sara in his mind, feeding his growing anguish and guilt. Brass started with Spring Valley Hospital but no-one fitting Sara's description had been admitted in the last day. Grissom paced up and down while Brass phoned, unable to settle. The more he thought about it, the more certain he became; he couldn't imagine his life without Sara. Not that he really had a life with her as such, but she was near and just well, there. Many times he had stood on the brink of a decision to make more of his friendship, but every time his mind had over-ruled his heart and he chickened out. She was too young. She was too beautiful. She was too intelligent. It was inevitable that she would become bored with him, a reclusive old man and move on. He knew that it was unfair to superimpose his fears onto the real Sara, but he was unable to stop himself. Now standing in Sara's empty apartment, he knew that he would not be able to continue this strange status quo relationship. He craved a real relationship with her. Needed it. He resolved that when they found her, things were going to change.

That was, if they find her.

Brass tried St. Rose Dominican Hospital, Mountain-view Hospital, and finally Desert Palms.

At last Grissom could see that they had something when Brass's face lit up, only to be dropped into the depth of dread by Brass's next words.

"Surgery? When?"

Grissom listened intently, but the doctor was reluctant to discuss Sara's condition over the phone.

"We're on our way," Brass rang off as Grissom locked Sara's apartment behind them.

"What kind of surgery? Is she ok?" Grissom quizzed Brass breathlessly

"Apparently she had some sort of emergency surgery earlier this morning, but everything went well and she is in recovery now. That's all the doctor was willing to say."

Grissom was quiet for a long time.

"Drive with the lights on, will you Jim?"

Brass would have done so even without his asking.

Grissom sat watching Sara sleep in the hospital bed. He wasn't very well versed in contemporary music, being much more at home with the Water-music Suite, yet the lyrics of a song he heard once kept bouncing through his head. He couldn't remember the artist or where he heard it, only that he though of Sara as he listened to it.

I guess you're okay
You seem to feel better these days
I've known you for so long
I've seen your brightness go from blue to grey

You know that's true
You can shake your head but I can prove
I've seen things through your eyes
You think you win but in the end you lose

And there's no second guess
We take no second bets
Chances are we're a long way from happiness
Don't cover up the road to love
With words that can't express
The truth implies you're high and dry
And you're a long way from happiness

I'm one step behind
Looking out for you all the time
I'll put my faith in you
And steer you clear of love that leaves you blind

The lights in the room were dimmed and Grissom could see the moon through the window. He reflected that he had seldom seen her look so peaceful and relaxed. He had taken a look at her medical file. She had been rushed into surgery with a burst appendix. If left untreated, it would have proven fatal. That fact alone had rocked him to his core. The doctors said she must have endured unbelievable pain in the last 12-24hours. Grissom reflected how grey and pale she had looked in his office at the end of her last shift. He chastised himself for not recognizing her grimace and sweating for the pyrexia it had been. Not to mention the disorientation during their phone call.

Sara had apparently been awake earlier, enough so to provide the nurse with her basic information and insurance detail. The pages were filled in a small neat handwriting, not Sara's. On the page reserved for the contact details of family and friends, the nurse had drawn a line through it.

'Patient has none' was written in red ink over the page. It nearly broke Grissom's heart.

"Oh Honey, I'm so sorry," he said, daring to take her hand in his much bigger one, something he would not have dared do if she had been awake.

He imagined some of his strength moving from him to her through their hands and it surprised him. He wasn't one for fanciful thoughts.

She swallowed dryly and frowned slightly as she began to surface from the anesthetic induced sleep. Grissom let go of her hand and grabbed a glass of water from the stand, knowing that a patient's throat was always dry and sore after general anesthesia due to the endotracheal intubation.

She opened her eyes but squinted against the half gloom of the room.

"Hey," Grissom said softly. "Welcome back. Here drink some of this."

With Grissom's help she took a few sips of water.

"W'sn't drunk," she rasped, meeting his eyes.

Grissom had almost to bite back tears at her first words at seeing him

"I know Honey, I know. I'm… so sorry." It was very hard to say.

"M' car parked on ambulance spot," Sara tried to sit up, presumably to go move her car but Grissom gently pushed her back down.

"They've already moved it, just relax, ok?" She seemed to settle under his hands and lay back.

"k." Sara closed her eyes again and Grissom thought she was going to fall asleep again but she surprised him when she spoke.

"H'vn't drunk anything. Since that night," she slurred, keeping her eyes closed "I w'sn't drunk".

It was really important for her that he knew that. Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes that she was powerless to stop.

Grissom used the back end of his finger to gently wipe away her tears, but it only seemed to distress her more.

"No, don't…" She squirmed. "… don't want you to see me like this." She whispered and turned her head slightly away from his hand.

Grissom was at a loss as to what to say or do. He wanted to kiss her and tell her that he loved her. That he finally knew what to do about this. But her tears unnerved him, and he ended up doing or saying nothing.

Again.

Sara looked up at the ceiling. She daren't look at the man sitting in the hospital chair next to her or she would lose the small measure of self control she had left. She was sure his actions were just that of a concerned friend, nothing more, and she didn't have the strength to fight the rejection that implied. She remembered her conversation with Agent James from Interpol and wondered if he would give her a job. She knew she wouldn't be able to carry on as she had before. It felt like the phone conversation they had earlier had finally flipped a switch in her mind; it was never going to happen between them.

The worst now was that she could feel Grissom watching her, his eyes searching as if he tried to see into her very soul. She hated that, hated feeling so exposed. Especially to him. There was very little pride in lying on a hospital bed, semi naked. She had to close her eyes and take a deep breath, slowly but surely regaining her composure. While she did this, she felt Grissom shift, almost in panic for a moment as if he sensed that she was moving away from him… Of course he doesn't, he doesn't care… and move forward to speak to her but right then, the nurse came in, bustling to look up on her medication.

"How's the pain, Love?" she asked, oblivious to the tension between them. "Do you need anything for it?"

Sara just shook her head. The last thing she needed was drugs to cloudy her thoughts. Not with Grissom sitting right next to her. He was so close! She could smell his aftershave and it threatened to overwhelm her.

"Ok, well , call me if you need me ok?" and with that the nurse left, leaving the silence to descend between them.

When Brass entered the room a few minutes later, he could feel the tension between his two friends. One look at their faces and he knew that Grissom had once again failed to bridge the gap between them.

"Your fan club is in en-route," Brass warned so the two of them could get their emotions back under control. Then he smiled at Sara. "You gave us quite a scare," he told her.

"Sorry," she mumbled but managed a weak smile in return, even though it didn't reach her eyes.

Catherine came up behind Brass, followed by Greg, Nick and Warrick. Greg had a huge teddy-bear and a fist full helium balloons.

"To keep you warm when I'm not around," Greg joked as he sat the bear on an empty chair, making Sara smile.

Brass saw the vicious glare that Grissom shoot the young man's way, clearly envious of his easy report with Sara.

"Apparently you're not allowed to eat these yet," Catherine said smiling, holding up a box of chocolates. "So we'll keep it in the break-room to celebrate your return."

Sara almost felt panicky. "I can work tonight; I just need to…"

"Oh no, doctors orders," Greg said. "We spoke to Dr. Heyns and he said you are to stay here tonight and maybe tomorrow. And you've been booked off for a week."

Brass didn't miss the look of horror that she shot both him and Grissom but they simply nodded as one.

"You had serious abdominal surgery girl. Plus you need pretty strong antibiotics," Catherine piped in. Her tone was light but her eyes belied the seriousness of the situation and her relief that Sara was ok.

Clearly they were making too much noise as the nurse from earlier came bustling in again. Now she didn't look nearly as friendly as earlier.

"I'm sorry but Miss. Sidle needs to rest. I'm going to have to ask you all to leave."

Brass could see Greg and Nick wanting to argue, but the look on the nurse's face made them think twice.

"Be good ok," they all greeted and left with Brass lingering in the doorway, waiting for Grissom

He had not left, but got up and took her hand in his. Brass left them to say what they should, going down to the car to wait for his friend.

Sara watched the others leave and felt a moment's panic when Grissom stayed behind. What does he want to do? What's he going to say? His touched seemed to burn her hand with intensity.

"Rest and get better ok?" He said gently, his tone achingly kind. "Then we need to talk." He looked into her eyes, but his was unreadable. As he was leaving, she saw him stop to talk to the nurse. Sara scanned the room for her clothes. No way was she going to stay here the entire night. She felt completely fine.

When the nurse came back a few minutes later, she injected something into Sara's intravenous drip-line. Almost immediately Sara could feel the effects of an analgesic and sedative coursing through her veins. She guessed Grissom must have told them to do it.

She had never felt so betrayed.

"It's not like Sara to leave paper work uncompleted. Something funny is going on," Grissom said as Brass drove them back to lab. Brass had suggested they take her some of her stuff. He was staring out of the window, looking but not seeing.

"I think we need to look into it."