Coon And Friends Versus Freddy Krueger

By Shadowgate

…...

The Coon was holding a meeting in his secret base.

The Coon started by saying "greetings and it sure is great to be out of the holding cell. I know you all were very sore at me for sending you to a dark oblivion. Now we shall stand together as we face a new enemy. We will face Freddy Krueger."

Mysterion raised his hand.

The Coon pointed to Mysterion and Mysterion said "well I do hope you learned a lesson Coon and we must fight Freddy. He's a fucking killer!"

Toolshed raised his hand and when called upon he said "those of us who have sisters are very concerned. Although I wouldn't mind if Freddy were to scare the shit out of my sister."

Toolshed laughs and Mysterion shouts "you can't possibly mean that Stan!"

Toolshed responded "I think my sister could take on Freddy herself. She'd put up a fight seriously."

Human Kite chimed in "I don't think it's the kind of risk we want to take. Seriously this guy is a dangerous fucking killer and we have to stand together."

Coon called out "Human Kite I didn't give you permission to speak."

Human Kite responded "oh well tough shit Coon. Why don't you go tell your mom on me, which seemed to work out for you."

Everyone laughs.

The Coon snapped "that's not funny Goddamn it!"

Mosquito said "you're right it's not funny when the Coon says Goddamn it. I think it would be funny if Kermit the Frog said Goddamn it."

Everyone laughs except the Coon and Iron Maiden.

The Coon said "oh that's cute Clyde. Hey if Freddy kills all the girls here in South Park you'll have no dates so you'll be at home jacking off to Playboy."

Mosquito said "oh shit!"

Human Kite responded "hey even if he doesn't kill a single female in South Park you'll never have a date fat ass."

Everyone laughs and Mintberry Crunch says "that's a good one Kyle."

The Coon turned around and saw Mint Berry Crunch coming down the stairs.

"Well, the crunchy little queer boy has returned" the Coon stated with disdain.

Mint Berry Crunch responded "I see the Coon has been set free after serving time for his revolting acts. Let me ask you all did you have to grease the cell door and the Coon to get him out since he's so fat?"

Everyone but the Coon laughed.

The Coon gave an angry look and said "well I'm sure Freddy Krueger will be so scared of the fruity little boy who has just joined us. Now do any of you have legitimate ideas as to how we can fight this beast?"

Mysterion answered "we might lose lots of sleep but we must do everything we can. I won't let him get a hold of my sister."

Toolshed asked "where is your sister?"

Mysterion said "she's in a secret location. My parents were told she was staying the night at a friend's house and my parents aren't going to actually check up on her I'm sure of that."

Human Kite said "well good hey do you think there's a chance he'll go after our moms?"

The Coon answered "well your mom could sit on him and that would be enough."

Everyone laughed except Human Kite who walked over and punched Coon.

Toolshed stated "we all stick together we can take down Freddy. We're strong and unless Coon betrays us again I'm sure winning won't be as hard as we make it out to be."

Mysterion said "Coon if you decide to join Freddy we won't hesitate to kill you."

The Coon said "I'm with you guys on this one. Freddy is an ugly loser and again I promise to stand with you all because we are Coon and Friends."

Mysterion said "your life will depend on that promise Coon."

Freddy Krueger was walking through the town of South Park scouting all the sites. He laughed out loud and said "oh man this little mountain town will make a lovely human slaughterhouse."

Thomas Tucker had his shotgun ready. He like the rest of the town was very concerned about the threat Freddy truly is. Craig went in at 9PM to check on the girls who were both fast asleep. Craig promised Kenny that Karen would be safe with Trish.

After Craig checked on the girls he went to bed himself.

Coon and all his friends were out on patrol.

Toolshed said "we must all stick together. There's no Goddamn way that just one of us alone could handle Freddy."

Human Kite said "well I just want to get this son of a bitch taken down quick."

Coon said "hey if just one of us has to be sacrificed to bring down Freddy Krueger I say let it be Human Kite."

Human Kite said "let's say all of us die tonight because Freddy is tough I'd like to give a speech on how much I hate Eric Cartman AKA The Coon."

"Eric Theodore Cartman it's fucking amazing how you can have a friend that you fucking hate. Oh yes it sure is."

The Coon tried to interrupt but Toolshed and Mysterion grabbed him and covered his mouth.

Human Kite went on "you gave me aids oh but how fortunate we were both cured. When the senior citizens rebelled over driver's license suspensions you wanted me to be a suicide bomber. I must say for a Jew to be a suicide bomber is very fucking ironic but you're very fucking insane. Therefore, it's no surprise you thought of it. I hate the way you pick on Butters. I hate it when you fart in my face. I hate the way you treat your mom and my mom. Quite frankly I just fucking hate you period."

In the meantime, Karen found herself walking through a big tunnel. She called out for her friend "Trish" and kept walking. She called out again "Trish" but got no response from Trish.

Soon she heard growling. She looked behind her and saw the shadow of a man. The main put his hand up and she could see what appeared to be claws. She yelled "oh shit no" and she started running through the tunnel as fast as she could. She'd never ran so fast in her life but none the less she realized the evil man was starting to gain on her.

Suddenly she saw two headlights coming her way then she woke up and screamed.

Trish yelled "Karen wake up!"

Karen said "Trish oh I'm so glad I found you."

Trish replied "you were having a bad dream."

Craig opened the door and asked "what happened?"

Trish answered "she's okay Craig. She just had a nightmare."

Karen said "he was in my dream. Freddy was in my dream."

Trish said "it was just a dream you're safe here."

Craig said "yes it was just a dream" and suddenly Craig transformed into Freddy Krueger and Karen woke up.

Karen yelled "I'm awake now!"

Trish said "you're awake now it was just a bad dream."

Karen said "I had a dream that Freddy was chasing me through a tunnel and then I woke up but it was a nightmare within a nightmare. Craig turned into Freddy."

Craig said "well it's really me and you're safe now."

Craig hugged both girls and they both went back to sleep.

It was 2AM and no sign of Freddy.

The Coon said "you know what we've not checked on my mom or been back at secret base. Remember last time we left secret base for a long time and that fool Captain Hindsight invaded it?"

Human Kite said "shit" and they all went back to base. The base was alright. Then they headed upstairs.

When the Coon opened the door he and his friends were in shock.

Mrs. Cartman said "I'll tell you boys Freddy is good in bed."

Coon and all his friends fainted.

The next morning when Trish and Karen woke up they ate breakfast while watching television.

A Geico commercial came on. A man said "15 minutes could save you 15 percent or more on car insurance."

Another man replied "everyone knows that."

The first man asked "well did you know that Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh weren't really that great of friends?"

Cut to the next scene.

Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin are stuck in a well.

Christopher says "Goddamn it Pooh Bear we're stuck in this well."

Winnie replied "yes and I'm hungry."

Screaming is heard and then blood splatters all over the wall.

The narrator said "Geico 15 minutes could save you 15 percent or more on car insurance."

THE END