Day 40
I let out a huge sigh as I walk down third grade hallway. I glance at the schedule by the door before sliding my key into the doorknob. I open the door as Avi looks up from her desk and says, "Hey! How is the first day of school been for you?"
"Oh my God I haven't stopped going!" I practically yell as I walk in and shut the door.
Avi laughs, "I told you the first day of school is rough! Getting kids to where they need to go, registering those kids whose parents decided to literally wait until the last possible moment, figuring out kinks in schedules, the whole shebang. And that's not including going over all the new rules and things in the classrooms."
"I don't know how you do it," I pant. "I didn't even get to drink my coffee until lunch time."
"We do it because it's one terribly insane day out of a hundred and eighty," Avi says. "Everything calms down after this."
"It better," I say with a sigh. "I may have to make it a thing to come decompress in your room while your kids are at specials."
"You're more than welcome to," Avi says with a smile. "But I do have to meet with my team for a few minutes and then pick up my kids though. But you can chill in here until the kids come back." I nod as Avi walks toward the door, "It gets better. Hang in there. See you after school."
"See you later," I say with a sigh as Avi walks out the door. I sit in the empty room for a few more moments before walking back out and heading back towards my office. As I approach the older grades' classrooms, I hear soft sobbing. I pause and walk around the corner to see a fifth-grade boy curled up in the corner, tears streaming down his face. I crouch down to his level and ask, "Hey bud, what are you doing out here? Why aren't you in class?"
"I don't want to be here," he mutters. "I told my grandma I didn't want to come back here anymore but she sent me here anyway."
"I'm sorry, bud," I say. "But you have to come to school. It's the rules. What's your name?"
"Chase," he says. I freeze. This…this is the kid Chloe mentored, I think to myself.
"Chase Thomas?" I ask calmly. He nods. "I'm Ms. Ronan," I say. "Now, I'm new here, but I've heard that there was a custodian here who may have mentored some kids. I think I heard your name on that list. Am I correct?"
"It wasn't a list," he says. "Or at least she never told me that she was mentoring anyone else. But it doesn't matter, she died over the summer. Her name was Ms. Chloe. And I don't want to be here if she's not here." He curls himself further.
"I understand what it's like to lose someone you care about," I say gently. "Would you believe me if I told you Ms. Chloe was my cousin?"
Chase shoots his head up and studies me. "You do kinda look like her," he says.
I nod, "Our mothers were sisters. We were really close too. I struggled this summer, as did my brother and sister. And it took a while, but we were able to heal enough to come back to work."
"How?" Chase asks sniffling.
"For me, any time I think of her, I do my best to think of the good things about her," I say. "I try to think about what I loved about her, good memories we had together. And yes, I may feel sad that she's not here, but I hold onto the happy feeling I get remembering those things instead of the sad that she's not here. It takes practice, but it really helps."
"Okay…I can try," Chase says.
"Tell you what," I say, "why don't we get you back to class right now but maybe we can talk to your teacher about eating once a week with me and I can help you practice. How does that sound?" Chase nods and I give him a smile as I stand up. "Need help up?" I ask reaching out my hand. He grabs it and I pull him up and he immediately hugs me.
"Thank you, Ms. Ronan," he says.
"You're welcome, Chase," I say. I hold the hug for a few moments before saying, "Now let's get you back to class." As I walk him back to class, I look out at Chloe's tree out through the doors and I can't help but smile. She fulfilled her reason for being here. She ran the race well. Now it's time for me to pick up where she left off.