It has been a very long time since she was sent back to the surface. Everything that had occurred all those years now felt like a distant memory, yet it almost felt like it was going to all come back somehow. Things like this don't just disappear, yet no one knew what was to come. Aperture has healed, and it is about time the silence is broken.
The law of entropy states that everything is prone to change without interference and as nice as it is for Wheatley to stay in space and contemplate his mistakes forever, the universe has deemed that it is time for him to come home. A simple shift in gravity has sent him plummeting from whence he came like a piece of rubbish tossed from someone's balcony. Within seconds, he was face to face with GLaDOS in the pits of Michigan. Certain death was inevitable. There was no possible way he would survive her wrath, yet against all judgment and logic, she welcomed him back with open arms.
Wheatley was puzzled. Of all the people on earth to forgive him, it was GLaDOS? The only thing she cherished more than science was vengeance, yet she threw away the chance to get her retribution for what? So she could have someone to talk to? Strangely enough that was the case. She too had been isolated for years with only her thoughts to keep her company, and now she was presented with a golden opportunity. She is going to throw a party- a bot party.
First there was Edgar. GLaDOS didn't know where Atlas and P-body found him, but he's in the facility now. Wheatley liked having Edgar over at Aperture. And Edgar liked going along with all the dumb stunts Wheatley put him up too. Ever since they were presented with prototype android chassis from GLaDOS, the pair found that they could get into all sorts of fun mischief. But this time they came up with what they thought would be their biggest stunt yet.
"Wait, wait, wait! Get ready for this one!" Wheatley blurted out loudly, his optic beaming brightly. "What if- well… hypothetically speaking of course, we signed GLaDOS up to be the next president of the country!" He exclaimed before turning to Edgar, who was sitting next to him attentively in an old cubicle.
"What? No way!" Edgar laughed in response. "She'd rip off our casings if she actually won, but Imagine that! Grumpy ol' GLaDOS, president of America!" The two little bots burst out laughing before Wheatley spoke again.
"Bloody hell! There's no way she'd actually win! And besides, it'll be hilarious! Just picture it now; 'Vote for GLaDOS' uh… 'She won't make you mad-os!' or something stupid like that!" Wheatley responded, giggling like a little girl as he spoke.
"Oh, all right!" Edgar finally said with a tinge of mischief in his voice. "Because y'know- only because I want to design the campaign ads!"
"See? I told you this would be hilarious! You just have to stop being such a pansy!" Wheatley exclaimed. He paused before pulling his chair over to a computer. He quickly searched for any information he could find on campaigning before shooting upwards in shock. "Blimey! It looks like anyone can just sign up to run!" He shouted in bewilderment. Edgar looked over to the monitor and cocked his head.
"What do you mean? Aren't there qualifications or something that we have to go through?" He questioned skeptically.
"What? No! There's barely anything here! I mean if Kanye can campaign last year as a legitimate candidate we can easily sign GLaDOS up for this!" Wheatley replied. Edgar quickly compiled together some campaign ads and uploaded them to the web, both robots giggling and snickering the entire time. After a while of putting together GLaDOS's presidential campaign and Statement of Candidacy, the two machines tired themselves out and decided to call it a night.
"YOU DID WHAT?" The shrill sound of GLaDOS' wrathful voice echoed through the facility's walls. The sun hadn't even come up yet and she was already beyond pissed. Wheatley picked his head up, rapidly looking around in terror before being aggressively dragged to GLaDOS' chamber by Atlas and P-body. She was looking at one of her monitors in horror before turning her attention to the little blue android before her. "Look! What is this? What did you do?" She screeched in panic. Wheatley has never seen her look so flustered, even when the facility was falling apart around her all those years ago she never looked this bad. He took a step back before looking at the screen.
"Well folks, there's no denying that this has to be the most hectic election so far, but there was no guessing that an independent would be taking the presidency for herself this term. Say hello to newcomer GLaDOS!" A news anchor on the monitor announced. Wheatley couldn't believe it. How could Edgar's campaign ads persuade the entire country overnight?
"Both of you. Explain to me why I am suddenly president of the USA!" GLaDOS demanded in a furious voice.
"Both of you?" Wheatley repeated silently. He didn't see Edgar in the chamber with him, yet the moment he spoke he saw the two testing bots throw the foolish computer at his feet, then take off back out of the chamber. Both of them exchanged panicked glances before answering the third towering figure in front of them, as the monitor behind her continued on about the upcoming candidacy.
"W-we were just kidding around last night! It was a joke I swear!" Wheatley stammered helplessly.
"Yeah- I mean, we thought there was no way you would win in one night! O-or at all, even!" Edgar continued. "I… uh… just made a few little campaign ads as a joke! Just a funny, harmless joke for a few laughs!"
"A harmless joke?" GLaDOS responded slowly. "Your 'harmless, little joke' just got me elected president. Let me repeat that for you two; President of the entire country. Do you two think I want to be responsible for millions of people that I couldn't give a care in the world about?" GLaDOS jabbed at the two little bots. Wheatley and Edgar looked at each other again, the reality of the situation hitting them like a brick. She was right; she was now responsible for not only the country, but its affairs as well. There was only one question left for all three of them- what happens now? Wheatley was the first one to break the silent tension.
"Um- I mean, it's not so bad." Wheatley said hesitantly. "You get the Whitehouse to yourself- that's pretty nice I suppose." GLaDOS, however, didn't seem to share the sentiment.
"Pretty nice? Even if I wanted to leave the facility, I can't leave. We both know what happened last time." GLaDOS retorted, narrowing her glowing optic.
"Well," Wheatley blurted out. "I'm sure if you could make yourself a new body to get around better and keep the place in perfect condition, than you can find some way to leave Aperture so it doesn't, y'know, crumble in on itself, or keep it up and running from-" Wheatley trailed off when he realized GLaDOS was leering at him, her eye burning with silent rage. She silently leaned her head toward Wheatley, and looked down upon the much shorter robot- who was now shaking with terror realizing he shot his mouth off.
"I'll leave Aperture when you- and your little accomplice, find some miraculous way to drag me out of here." GLaDOS hissed with quiet fury. Silent tension hung in the air for only a second, when all three bots could hear heavy thudding above them.
"Uh… I'm no architect but is that noise supposed to be coming from up there?" Edgar asked after seeing the confused looks on GLaDOS and Wheatley's faces. Not even a minute after Edgar's question, Atlas and P-Body came sprinting into the chamber, and tumbled over each other in a panic.
"Why are you two back?" GLaDOS asked the two little testing bots. Atlas chittered something that Wheatley and Edgar couldn't understand, followed by P-Body wildly gesturing in a feeble attempt to voice what she saw. Something was coming, and fast.
Everyone took cover as a squadron of agents clad in black stormed the room.
"Oh no we're being raided! They're onto us!" Edgar screamed in terror. Wheatley rushed over to him and swiftly muffled his vocal processor with his hand.
"Shut up, you're just going to make things worse than they already are!" Wheatley rasped under his breath. GLaDOS recoiled like a snake as each of the agents all swarmed around her. Flooding the room with Neurotoxin was not an option, as the agents could take her out with a well aimed shot before they could die themselves. Why did her old co-workers build her chassis with so many exposed vital points? Perhaps this is what she got for killing them all those years ago.
"It's time to go, miss president. The office is waiting for you." One of the agents stated. GLaDOS whipped her head around to face the agent who spoke.
"I'm hard-wired to this place, I'm not leaving!" GLaDOS hissed at the agents.
"Ma'am, you have to stay in the White House for your safety." The agent said steadily. "If you stay here, there's a good chance it will be flooded with people who want to see you- whether or not they want to harm you." GLaDOS, though still on the defense, thought about what the agent just said. Whether or not she wanted to admit it, this strange human was probably right. Although she did not immerse herself in human politics, she was well aware of how people would act given the circumstances. She couldn't keep out that many people, and once inside, the damage would be irreversible. It was almost nauseating for her to think about, so instead, she came up with a plan.
"Fine, put down your guns. I've decided I'll stay in the White House only for the good of my facility, however I need time to make certain arrangements."
"Very well, miss president." The same man said. "You have 24 hours to get your things together, and leave for the White House."
"Fine." Replied GLaDOS in a lighter tone. "Now, I'll need you to leave my facility. I'll keep my word, and arrive tomorrow." When the men began to exit, Wheatley and Edgar relaxed as the tension faded. The pair couldn't believe what they'd just heard.
"Wait, GLaDOS agreed to leave?" Edgar whispered in disbelief.
"Bloody hell! She's gone mad!" Wheatley scream-whispered. "Aperture is her whole entire world for crying out loud! How could she just give it up?" Wheatley and Edgar slowly rose to their feet from the crouch they were in by the back of the room. GLaDOS turned her head to face them, and spoke again.
"Gather whatever things you two own, we leave in twelve hours." GLaDOS commanded them casually.
"W-what do you mean? We're just leaving?!" Wheatley stammered out loudly. "You can't mean that- like you said, this place'll fall apart regardless of if anyone's in here without you controlling it, and Aperture is… well, it's yours! How can you just pack up and leave it?!"
"Relax, moron." GLaDOS responded after regaining her composure. "We will be gone no longer than a week. I have a plan that cannot fail. Now get out of my sight." And at her command, Wheatley and Edgar scampered off to gather what little things they called theirs.
Meanwhile, GLaDOS gathered other cores from throughout the facility for orders, and got to work. After arranging everything so Aperture could function on its own in her absence, and giving the robots around the facility instructions on what to do, there was only one thing left for her to do to leave the facility. Wheatley and Edgar's android chassis were only prototypes, but GLaDOS built onto their designs to create one perfectly suited for herself. After uploading her consciousness into the android, she was ready to venture out of Aperture for the first time, and face being president of the USA- even if just for a little while.
After a brief escort from the secret service, everyone had arrived at the White House in Washington D.C. The three robots walked into the main building and made their way to the oval office where GLaDOS dropped off her belongings at the desk- a couple briefcases of important documentation from Aperture, and a laptop.
"So, uh, GLaDOS," Wheatley began, speaking to her for the first time since Aperture was raided. "You said back in Aperture you had some big plan you wanted to execute. What exactly will that look like, y'know?" Wheatley asked in an innocent tone. GLaDOS looked around a few times to make sure there were no agents listening in, and crossed the room to shut the doors before she spoke.
"Well, I've decided that the only way to get us out of the mess that you two started Is to purposely get impeached." GLaDOS announced in a half whisper. Wheatley's optic widened. Edgar almost fell back from her words.
"Get impeached? You mean purposely get kicked out?" Edgar asked in a bewildered voice.
"Yes. That is what impeached means. Well done for understanding that." GLaDOS responded snidely.
"So, how are you plannin' to go about that, exactly?" Wheatley asked curiously.
"I have a few ideas in mind for that, but I may need some outside help." GLaDOS responded. She turned her back to the desk and opened the laptop she brought before Edgar spoke again.
"Wait a minute- if you're the president now, don't you need a vice president?" He realized. GLaDOS stopped for a moment and looked up from her laptop.
"We shouldn't be here long- I'm sure I won't need it." She answered, slightly irritated.
"I'm afraid not." A fourth voice piped up.
Everyone turned towards the opening door. Although they expected just another secret service member, all three were surprised to see another robot. Sure enough there stood an android, his chassis an exaggerated pink emphasized by the finely tailored suit he wore. His head was reminiscent of an eye with a deep red optic in the center. Though Wheatley and Edgar could only look on in shock, GLaDOS got up at the sight of the fourth, eye-bleeding pink android.
"Since when have you been working for the government, Closet?" GLaDOS asked in a pleased, almost mischievous tone- the one only used for greeting close friends.
"I should ask the same of you." Closet responded, clearly pleased to see GLaDOS as well.
"Merely a joke carried too far, I should be out of here in a week." GLaDOS said, crossing the room to greet the android. They both shook each other's hands.
"Honestly, was I surprised when I heard you persuaded the whole country to vote for you? Yes and no. I'm more surprised you wanted to run." Closet said.
"Oh, believe me I do not want to be here right now." GLaDOS responded to Closet's surprise. "Those two over there are about as sharp as a marble, and decided to create a campaign for me as a joke when they ran out of things to break and places to get stuck." GLaDOS motioned to Wheatley and Edgar, still standing in the middle of the room. "So here I am, due to the fact that I don't want my facility flooded with savage humans begging for the validation of their new president." Closet looked to Wheatley and Edgar before returning his attention to GLaDOS. His optic was still wide in shock.
"Um… how unfortunate." He said with slight disbelief. "I was seriously not expecting that. However, even if you plan on leaving as soon as you can, I've been sent to inform you that you still need to pick a vice president, and that, as unfortunate as it is, cannot be me." Closet explained. GLaDOS narrowed her optic in thought for a brief moment before walking over to her desk. She picked up the landline phone and dialed a number no one recognized.
"If I absolutely had to choose who I would want as vice president of the USA, I already have an idea."
A day has passed since GLaDOS had made the call, and nothing had seemingly come from it. Wheatley and Edgar were roaming the halls of the Whitehouse when they saw Closet walking towards the Oval Office, where GLaDOS spent most of her time. Curious, the pair decided to follow Closet to see what he wanted with her.
"Miss president, your vice president is here." Stated Closet with a certainty to his voice. GLaDOS quickly unlocked the door. She looked glad in a calm, authoritative way- a side of GLaDOS Wheatley had rarely seen, let alone Edgar. Wheatley and Edgar followed GLaDOS and Closet to the foyer of the Whitehouse. A pair of slender figures stood at the door.
"I'm very sorry I summoned you on such short notice." GLaDOS said, greeting the two figures. "However, I'm pleased to have you two."
"Anytime, GLaDOS. We're happy to see you too." The taller figure in front of GLaDOS said. When she moved to the side and the two figures stepped in. They both were androids with thin, rectangular heads. The smaller one had a blue optic and the taller one red. When they made their way in from the doorway fully and surveyed their surroundings, the android with the red optic caught Wheatley and Edgar out of the corner of his sights.
"Oh, hello there." he said in a pleasant tone to the two robots he towered over. "I'm guessing you two are here with GLaDOS?"
"Erm, uh, yeah, you could say that-" Wheatley began responding before GLaDOS saw the exchange.
"They are why I am here at the moment. The whole reason I am suddenly president in the first place is because the blue idiot registered me with the FEC, and the green idiot designed my campaign one night when he got bored. A 'harmless joke' as the two of them put it, that turned into me being forced out of my facility." GLaDOS sneered, her content attitude shifting to contempt for only a moment.
"That explains a lot. I never took you for the type to run for president." The red-eyed android replied. "My name is HAL 9000, although you could just call me HAL." He said, turning back to Wheatley and Edgar. His shorter, blue twin giggled politely behind him at GLaDOS's explanation.
"And I'm SAL." She said, "Nice to meet you two."
"We should take this to my office. I have questions for all of you." GLaDOS declared abruptly. She began back toward her office with everyone in tow.
"I looked at some of your campaign ads." HAL began, addressing Edgar to his side. "Your design skills are impressive, and you have a sharp sense of humor. It's no wonder you were able to persuade the country overnight." Edgar looked up to HAL in awe. This important, cool robot just said he liked his work- work that was just a joke, at that. Maybe he likes music too, Edgar wondered.
"Uh, well, why thank you!" Edgar responded cheerfully. "Y'know, I'm somewhat of an aspiring musician, if you like music. If you want I could maybe show you some of my songs." Edgar implored sweetly.
"Absolutely." HAL responded as they walked. "My creator liked teaching me songs, perhaps we could write something together sometime." Edgar could hardly hide his excitement, and HAL was delighted to have a little admirer. When they got to the office and everyone stepped inside, GLaDOS sat in her chair while Closet and SAL leaned on her desk. Wheatley sat on the carpet next to Edgar like children, and HAL stood against the wall.
"Now that I have you all here, I want to ask you all a question." GLaDOS said, addressing the room. "What is the worst possible thing that a president could do that would absolutely get her impeached." HAL, SAL, and Closet all looked at her, bewildered by what they just heard.
"Impeached? But you just got here." SAL said in disbelief.
"I don't want to be here. I want to be back in my facility, however by some strange magic those two got me elected." GLaDOS said back. There was a thoughtful silence in the room. Edgar was the first to speak up.
"Why don't you nuke something?" Edgar blurted out. GLaDOS looked at him impatiently at first, but then thought for a moment.
"That… might actually work." GLaDOS said slowly. "But even if I was to nuke something, what would my target be?" She continued thoughtfully.
"Some place everyone likes, like, uh- Hollywood!" Edgar exclaimed.
"You cannot be serious." HAL spoke up. "Don't you think this is a bit extreme?" GLaDOS looked from Edgar to HAL and glared at him.
"That's the point. I have to do something heinous to get impeached." She answered coldly. HAL broke his gaze and turned to the floor in silent disagreement.
"I don't have time for diplomacy, I need to get kicked out of office as soon as I can!" GLaDOS said, rising from her seat. "I'm going to nuke Holywood!" She finally announced, walking across the room to the door. "Closet- show me where the launch codes are, please." GLaDOS commanded, opening the double doors. Before she could take another step, SAL stood up from her lean on the desk.
"Wait! If you nuke Hollywood, you'll kill thousands of innocent people!" SAL protested. "There has to be another way."
"Yeah, mate- if you thought Aperture was a target before, imagine what they'll do when they find out you wiped out a city!" Wheatley added quickly from his spot on the carpet. GLaDOS looked at the robots in the room for a moment.
"Then nuke the sign." Edgar shot back, almost nonchalantly. Everyone in the room stared at him.
"Very well- if destroying the city will kill that many helpless humans, I'll nuke only the sign. Therefore destroying a national treasure with no casualties. Would anyone else like to make a suggestion?" GLaDOS said, adding the last question sarcastically. When no one else spoke up, she and Closet stepped out of the room. "Geez, Edgar, what's your deal with Hollywood?" Wheatley asked the little computer next to him. Edgar shrugged in response.
Stanley was an average salary man. He worked an average job in an average building that happened to be in California. However while he was on his way to grab his daily cup of coffee, a bright flash caught his eyes from beyond the horizon. Just seconds earlier there was something falling from the sky, plummeting toward the earth like a burning comet from the unknown above. A sight to behold of raw fury and destructive glory, yet Stanley did not think much of it for his mind was solely focused on coffee.
Just moments later, GLaDOS summoned everyone back into her office.
"So is the sign gone?" Edgar asked eagerly. Again, everyone stared at Edgar.
"Yes it's gone- and I'm not taking any more of your suggestions, you're starting to freak me out." GLaDOS answered in an annoyed tone. She turned her attention to the TV above the doors, and clicked a remote in her hand to turn it on. Sure enough, on the news was a broadcaster covering the Hollywood signs' sudden destruction, and everyone could see the camera footage behind the telecaster. The hill where the sign once stood had been reduced to a crater.
"And I assure you," GLaDOS said, redirecting everyone's attention from the TV. "There were no casualties other than that stupid landmark."
"Your stunt appears to have worked." HAL said. "Look! They're talking about you right now." Everyone turned back to the TV.
"It has been confirmed without a shadow of a doubt that this attack was set by the new president of the USA- GLaDOS. The citizens of California, and the entire rest of America, are outraged and devastated- some saying that her presidency will not last much longer." The newscaster stated.
"Wonderful. At this rate, I'll be home by tomorrow." GLaDOS sighed in relief. However, everyone's eyes and ears snapped back up to the TV as the newscaster continued.
"What's this? I'm receiving incoming news that the destruction of the Hollywood sign… actually saved America?!" The news anchor said in surprise.
"What?" GLaDOS said quietly to herself as the newscaster carried on.
"Upon further investigation into the remnants of the sign, investigators found and detained Hollywood star Chris Pratt. It was discovered that the famous actor had a secret base hidden behind the sign's letters- and was plotting the fall of America! Plans found on a computer in the hidden base went into detail about destroying the government, and taking over. When in charge, he planned to force all of America to watch every movie he ever starred in for quote 'the rest of time'. Many have changed their minds about the president, hailing her as a 'hero' and 'refreshingly proactive in keeping America safe'. Further details on the Chris Pratt Hollywood case at nine." Everyone stared at the TV in astonished silence.
"Well, honestly, thank goodness for that." Closet said casually, breaking the tense silence. "Chris Pratt is so overused- he was seriously pushing it with the mario movie, I couldn't take that for the rest of my life." Everyone in the room tensed up, bracing for GLaDOS' reaction to Closet's tone-deaf comment about the current situation. However, GLaDOS just put a hand on her faceplate exasperatedly. She decided to ignore her assistant's remark and find another way to piss off America.
"Okay- any other ideas on how to turn America against me?" GLaDOS groaned.
"Maybe we can sell something important to another country?" SAL suggested.
"That's a good idea in theory, however I really don't want to get other countries involved. What else?" GLaDOS responded.
"On the topic of money, perhaps you can drain the treasury? Waste all the tax money on something so insignificant that the people question your ability to run the country." HAL said, building on his sister's idea.
"That's perfect." GLaDOS said with satisfaction. "Now the question is what to spend it on that is so stupid and outlandish that people think I'm crazy."
"That- I don't have an answer to." HAL said back. GLaDOS' eye lit up.
"Wait- I know who to go to for stupid ideas." She declared, turning her attention to Wheatley who was standing before her. "Tell me, moron; what should we waste our tax money on."
"First off- My ideas aren't stupid. Second, maybe we can, uh, pour all the funds into research for something useless. Something super dumb and boring, like… chipmunks! Yeah! You can dump all of the government's money into chipmunks!" Wheatley suggested abruptly. GLaDOS stared at the android for a moment before she spoke.
"Very well, We will spend all of our money on researching chipmunks so the people have to impeach me." GLaDOS approved.
"Chipmunks aren't useless." Edgar blurted out.
"Excuse me?" GLaDOS begrudgingly asked.
"They're not useless. They play a vital role in the ecosystem by being food for larger animals and they plant trees by burying nuts and seeds in the ground." He added.
"Edgar, please… just be quiet." GLaDOS sighed, covering her optic with both of her hands.
"I mean, he's not wrong…" said Hal.
"Enough talk- let's get this over with." GLaDOS said at last.
GLaDOS walked out of the room, again leaving everyone in stunned silence of her latest endeavor. After a night of making calls and spending millions of government dollars, everyone re-convened in the Oval Office. GLaDOS was sitting in her usual spot when the phone sitting on the corner of the desk rang. She picked it up and the room fell to a deafening silence.
"Miss President, this is urgent! you'll never believe what happened!" The voice on the other end exclaimed.
"Yes, I'm listening." GLaDOS said in response, her head perked up in anticipation.
"There was a massive scientific breakthrough! It's the chipmunks- they're useful now!" The woman on the line said, shocking everyone in the silent room. GLaDOS almost fell out of her chair.
"How?!" She erupted angrily, losing her composure.
"They're useful now! They're so, very important!" The woman said in an awestruck response.
"Yes- how are they useful?! In what way was there a breakthrough with the chipmunks?!" GLaDOS yelled frustratedly at the voice on the phone.
"They're useful now!" The voice said finally.
"How are they useful? You can't answer a question with the subject of the question! This is not science!" GLaDOS roared.
"They just are! I thought you would be more grateful since you were the one who funded this!" the voice on the phone countered redundantly. GLaDOS groaned and slammed her face down on her desk, denting her faceplate in the process.
"If I hear the words 'chipmunk' or 'useful' one more time, I swear I am going to break something." GLaDOS muttered. As if things couldn't get any worse, the TV above the door clicked on.
"Breaking news!" The newscaster yelled. "Chipmunks are now useful!" GLaDOS' head shot up at the TV in fury. She grabbed the phone on the desk and slung it at the screen like a baseball, completely obliterating it on impact. All anyone else could do is stare. The unfortunate machine was livid, if she was any angrier she was sure to blow a fuse.
"Well, uh, does anyone have any other ideas?" SAL said hesitantly, knowing she was treading on thin ice by saying anything. Everyone remained silent.
"Uh- um… we can try researching seagulls next?" Said Wheatley.
"Get out! All of you!" GLaDOS screeched, springing up from her chair. "How is it physically possible for everyone to be so stupid! I genuinely thought I've seen the worst of people with her, but no! I'm never making it out of this madhouse! Four years of absolute lunacy are in front of me and I have all of you morons to thank for it!"
"What if you're the idiot and we're the smart ones?" Asked Edgar. HAL quickly reached down and threw a hand over his vocal processor to stop any more stupid questions, but it was too late. GLaDOS whipped her head around at innocent little Edgar in rage, and everyone in the room held their simulated breath. Suddenly a camera-like head popped out of the office floor like a diglet. There was a horrible screech as the bright blue android leapt out of the ground and crashed head-first into the office table, completely destroying it beneath him. A pair of beaming yellow wings sprung from his back as he jumped back to his feet as if nothing happened. He looked around the room at the six other bots, and they all stared back.
The blue android threw up his arms and charged towards the entrance door, but was stopped by another machine on the other side. The machine was like a monolith in stature, standing well above everyone else in the building Including Hal. The looming figure's blue screen tilted down to face the smaller, winged thing before him, and picked him up by the shoulders.
"Excuse me." The taller machine said in a slightly impatient voice before placing the little camera-head on the floor next to him.
"What is happening right now?" Edgar asked in bewilderment as everyone stared at the approaching behemoth. He stood across from GLaDOS, who was standing next to her destroyed desk.
"Well, it is clear all my processors are bugged beyond repair and deactivating myself seems like the only viable option left. Goodnight everyone." She sighed before curling up like an infant on the floor. The large, blue screened machine strode over to her and nudged her with a foot.
"You know who I am, GLaDOS. Would you care to explain why you are suddenly president, and why you are launching nukes and commandeering chipmunk research?" He asked her. When he got no response, HAL stepped up next to him.
"To keep it short, little blue and green over there got her elected as a joke, and we've been trying to get her impeached for the last few days." HAL explained. "Who are you, what brings you here?" HAL asked casually, trying to create smalltalk in his usual way.
"Well she's been all over the news!" He began loudly in response. "I had to come see it for myself! Do you know how many strings I had to pull to get here? God, the amount of stares I drew while taking public transport here- 'nice costume' or 'don't stare at the weird guy, little Billy' the amount of commentary about me on a bus alone! Costume? Weird guy? I am one of- if not one of the world's most prestigious, expensive, pieces of machinery! Not to degrade anyone here, but I am a dignified-"
"Right, what's your name?" HAL said, cutting him off before he went on forever.
"I am the Allied Mastercomputer, or you may call me AM if that is too much for the likes of you. Why does everything have to be an acronym anyways? It just makes everything so complicated for no good reason. I mean look at GLaDOS over there, you could all at least-" he was cut off again when the blue android launched to his feet and started aggressively slapping at a tag on his chassis.
"Huh, V1? See what I mean- Again with the acronyms! Like what is that supposed to stand for? You can't even pronounce it like a word, it's just vee-one, not vuh-one or just vuhn! How about we call you something else like Gary or Timmy? Also who are you anyways? Are you related to GLaDOS somehow? I mean you kind of look like her in a way with the single yellow optic and all? Are you her son? Is there something she's not-"
There was a muffled objection from where GLaDOS laid, her face was pressed against the floor. AM noticed, and leaned down to her.
"Your son is… er- lovely, GLaDOS; however I believe he may have a few bugs in his software, no? He is rather-"
"That's not my son! I don't even know who he is!" GLaDOS cried out, finally lifting her head up.
"Great, now that you're up, I'm dying to know what you're going to do next."
"I'm not going to do anything anymore, It's all futile. Everything I do just seems to backfire horribly. Why can't I just quit and have this all end?" She replied.
"Um… you can quit. It's called resigning." Answered AM.
GLaDOS turned toward him blankly.
"I could have done… what?" She asked meekly.
"You didn't know you could have resigned?" AM asked, as if it were the most trivial idea ever thought. GLaDOS rose slowly from her spot on the floor, and looked around the room.
"I have an important speech to make."
The next day came and went as swiftly as one could imagine. People from across the country gathered around the white house whilst GLaDOS stood at the podium. With a deep breath she leaned into the microphone to begin what she had prepared. "I hate you all. I'm done here." Is all she said before pushing over the podium and dropping her microphone on the ground. The crowd was wild with cheers and praise, yet all GLaDOS could do is flip them off.
"Well that was… anticlimactic…" Closet mumbled as he escorted the former president off the stage.