Pandemic 3-The Kidnapping
By Shadowgate
….
It looked like another beautiful day in South Park. It was Saturday at 11 AM and the sun was out. The snow had pretty much melted away.
Stan snuck off to meet Wendy for a short time. Considering it was a Saturday they'd have little time to meet because on the weekends kids hung out with their friends of the same gender.
If the damage done by Skankhunt42 wasn't bad enough there was still something else. The guinea pirate was held in a big cage. So, he could not get to Craig Tucker much less take over the entire planet. Oh, how angered he was every day in his cage because of a heroic 10-year-old boy.
However, since the discovery of water on Mars a mad scientist knew that where there was water there was the potential for life.
When a mad scientist stole a spaceship that was held in a secret garage by the federal government he went to Mars.
He flew to Mars with a dozen hamsters and he planned to clone them like Dolly the cloned sheep.
In the process he got himself up with the radioactivity.
All the while he played Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a Planet Near Mars by Weird Al Yankovic.
Of course, dealing with the radioactive hamsters would be a disaster for the world, and particularly a small town.
That Goddamn small town of South Park Colorado.
It was a Saturday morning at 9AM and Craig just got off Facetime where he'd been notified that Esther and Nelly were going to Tweek's house and they'd be at his house soon.
Trish asked Craig where he was going. He told her he was going to meet Tweek and the girls at IHOP. He gave her a hug and promised her he'd bring her back something sweet.
Shortly after that pounding was heard on the roof.
Trish asked "what the hell was that?"
Craig exhaled and said "I don't know."
Then all the sudden the entire front structure of the Tucker residence was demolished. The giant hamsters got a hold of Craig in no time and fled the scene with him.
The Park County Police Department arrived on the scene in no time. However, they were no help at all considering how stupid they are.
Trish's face was covered in tears. She decided to get on Facetime and once she got a hold of Tweek and informed him of what happened it took Coon and Friends just five minutes to approach the Tucker house.
All the superheroes sat down with Trish and listened to what she described. When she told them that giant put Craig on a ship that said Mars on it that's when the Coon said "this reminds me of that Weird Al song Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters from a Planet Near Mars."
Mosquito smiled and said "I love that song."
Tupperware asked "do you think they took Craig to Mars?"
Toolshed answered "possibly and how we'll get to Mars and rescue him is the question that remains."
Shortly after Tupperware posed the million-dollar question Ike showed up. Ike stated that he had contacts in the U.S. Federal Government.
Ike went on to say "Craig helped find me and now I intend to help with his rescue."
Soon after Ike made his big announcement he held hands with Trish Tucker.
5 MINUTES LATER
Five black helicopters landed in the street.
Toolshed put his hand on Ike's shoulder and thanked him.
A U.S. Military General came out and said "alright we're well aware that an American hero has been kidnapped. He saved the world from the Guinea Pirate and now it's up to us to rescue him. We have a spaceship that can go to Mars. It's the one Starvin Marvin used a while back."
Coon yelled out "sweet we get to fly that baby again."
Human Kite asked "who's we?"
Coon turned to Human Kite but before he could speak Human Kite went on to say "the last time we flew it you couldn't keep track of the buttons you pushed."
Toolshed said "we should let Mysterion fly it."
Mysterion shouted "everyone make a circle."
Wonder Tweek, Mosquito, Tupperware, Toolshed, Coon, and Human Kite all formed a circle with Mysterion. They put their fists together and Toolshed yelled "let's get Craig!"
Professor Chaos observed and said "that reminds me of the movie Let's Get Harry where they have to rescue a hostage named Harry."
Toolshed turned to Professor Chaos and told him "that's what I was going for."
Suddenly everyone looked up and they saw Mintberry Crunch flying in at high speed.
When he landed he yelled "Shablagoo let's rescue Craig."
Coon and Friends were more pumped up than ever.
Flying in the super advanced spaceship it took Coon and Friends just over a minute to reach Mars.
Mysterion announced "we're moving into the atmosphere of Mars."
Human Kite commented "whoa Mars has a big red atmosphere just like Cartman's mom's pussy."
Everyone laughed except Coon who punched Human Kite in the face.
Toolshed quickly informed Coon and Kite that it was no time to fuck with each other and to quickly put on their oxygen helmets.
It wasn't long before they landed right in front of the enemy base. When they did they were prepared with submachine guns. Mysterion hit the door lever opening their spaceship door.
Toolshed yelled "let's move in."
There were two giant evil hamsters in front of the base. Coon and Human Kite blew them to bits on the spot.
Toolshed yelled "good work men now we've got to blast open the fucking door."
Tupperware and Mint Berry Crunch each had three sticks of dynamite wrapped up.
Upon lighting them they both threw them at the entrance of the base and Mintberry yelled "take cover" and they whole team ducked down with while plugging their ears.
KA-BOOM
The team moved into the enemy base. They were determined as ever to rescue Craig Tucker.
It took Coon and Friends less than 15 minutes to overpower the mutant hamsters. After they did they were able to unlock the cell door and they found Craig strapped down with IV's hooked up.
Human Kite felt the pulse in his neck.
Mysterion pointed out "it looks like they've drugged him to keep him asleep."
Human Kite responded "yes and I will now slowly take the IV's out."
Toolshed couldn't stand to look but asked "is he breathing okay?"
Mysterion and Human Kite both answered "yes" at the same time.
It took 20 minutes to load Craig Tucker on to the ship after they removed him from his dark cell.
45 minutes later they landed in South Park right in front of the mayor's office.
Soon after landing they got off the ship and announced to the town that their operation to rescue Craig Tucker was a complete success.
The town cheered. Craig Tucker was treated at Hell's Pass Hospital and released the next day at noon.
The End