Took the time while ff was down to type this out for a little recent event of behind the scenes. Might have some mistakes because I didn't proofread.

It was a stupid decision, perhaps, for Aspen to decide that he was better off going to the Towns alone, but he didn't think he'd be very good company. Caspian had told him many times before that he didn't care if he was good company or not, but he still didn't feel like arguing, usually from his own careless tongue motivated by outside annoyances. Aspen found his temper short in the Faerie and couldn't help that his relief of being back in the Towns was apparent.

The smells were familiar and he chewed on a leaf of peppermint as he headed through the forest, the woods eerily calm as if the chaos of the Hunt's traces had been blown away. The air was less crisp as he neared the Towns. Grass, dew, cigarette smoke. It wasn't much, but it had once been his home. He supposed if he had expressed any of those desires for the Towns to the general public of the Hunt, he would have been branded as a possible traitor for having a homesickness for such a mundane place. Perhaps he understood Kellan's draw to the Seelie, for he often felt drawn to things that were forbidden.

He didn't see many faeries. A few shops he had passed seemed like they were faerie run, but upon closer inspection, the Unseelie crest was burned into the door. They had never been easy to recruit, even if most of the Unseelie that did live in the Towns were of lower class – those that were not deemed worthy of being in the Faerie. Like Satyrs and the ones with muddied blood or the ones that the Unseelie did not quite trust after past offenses. The Seelie would never be like that, for they would never let their people be seen in such a dirty, lowly place. Other faeries he saw were obviously untrained, having steeped too much in the mundane world. Aspen supposed he was grateful for the fact that, despite his muddied upbringing, he was still set up with some skills that made him valuable. He would have been a useless faerie, good for nothing other than a trophy on someone's wall, if he had not been broken in with the art of the sword. It hadn't been easy, but that was not a concept that he was used to.

There was an instinctive pull towards the Taverns, urging him with some divine force to get blackout drunk and wind up in someone's room, forgetting the night with too much drink and a want to get away from the world. But the harder he thought about such a thing, the less he realized he wanted it, and he stayed away from them easily.

Yet, even with his current aversion to his habits, he couldn't help but winding up at a familiar door, pacing outside before starting up the steps. He meant to turn away but his hand raised to knock out of its own volition and he could do nothing but wait for a response.

"Nyx-" Aspen could not help but give a nervous glance down when the door opened although he forced himself to look up and meet his eyes. "I wanted to stop by before I had to head out to go back to the Hunt."

Nyx looked down at him with a pleased expression and moved back to invite him inside, but Aspen only took a step in and didn't move any further. He couldn't stay long and he wouldn't be coerced to doing otherwise.

"So, kid, how are you feeling?" Nyx asked and sounded genuinely curious and Aspen thought subconsciously that he hadn't sounded like that in a long time.

"I'm okay. I think I let my temper get away with me too much," he admitted and started to bite one of his nails. "I think my thoughts have settled a little, though. I've been trying to regain myself."

"I like to hear that. I don't like how you are when you go off the hook," Nyx replied coolly, although he eyed him for a long moment before he went to go get a drink for himself from the cupboard. Opening it, he leaned against the counter, his thumb tapping against a button of his coat. "You've been good, though?"

"I could be better."

"You can always come live with me if you change your mind."

Sighing loudly, Aspen shook his head. "You know I can't be tempted into that. Sometimes, you're a piece of shit to me as well. You know I won't take that anymore." His words were drawn from him before he could curb them and he almost shied away as if anticipating a scolding, but nothing ensued. "Then you'll throw me out because I'm of no use to you anymore and you won't like that I'm not some pretty thing for you to dangle for your associates."

Nyx was silent before he laughed, more amused than anything. "Aspen, Aspen. Tsk. I won't throw you out, even if you have been useless to me as of late. I'd be upset for you to mar that face of yours, though. I do like looking at pleasant things."

"Yes, I suppose under all that Downworlder dirt, you're still a faerie under it all. We do like our pleasant looking things."

"Indeed we do. Is that why you like your blond accessory?" Sipping in interest, Nyx waited for an answer.

"He isn't an accessory. And I'm fond of him for other reasons as well." Aspen was not sure if he wanted to continue, but he did anyway, if only to satisfy Nyx's nosiness for an answer. "I think I need someone to help keep level so I don't implode or something. You know my thoughts will run away with me if I only focus on my own matters. Having someone else keeps me grounded. I need to be grounded at times."

"Yes, you certainly do need to be stopped from floating away entirely at times."

Clasping his hands in front of him, Aspen kept his gaze steady. "You do cause arguments between us, at times. He hates you."

"For good reason. I don't like him. He's entitled and undisciplined."

"Undisciplined, maybe. But not entitled. That descriptor fits you more, I think," he remarked back. "But…if I'm honest, Nyx, and I don't understand why I'm telling you, but I think it's because you're as close to a guardian as I'll ever get and you've seen me at my worst and best and everything else-…"

Taking a swig of his drink, Nyx burrowed his gaze into his skin. "Don't keep me waiting, Aspen. You know I don't like hesitance."

"I don't feel like myself at times. Rarely, even, I feel like there's someone in my head, prying about. I'm…I'm not used to turning people away, but sometimes, I don't…I don't even want to touch anyone. Well, I do, but then I think and it's suffocating and you probably thing I'm stupid and emotional and that I should just suck it up-"

Nyx flicked his hand dismissively to end his words, setting his drink down. "You know I always want to hear your feelings. Besides, you're of no use to me if you're not stable.

"I know that's your way of putting it, but I think you'd be genuinely upset if I was killed or I killed myself or I died from any other reason," Aspen said, meeting his gaze. "I just want to be normal, Nyx. I want things to be okay again and I keep saying that, but then they're never normal. I'm…not fun or carefree like I used to be."

"No. You're not."

"I just-…" Aspen made a sound of frustration, his expression closed off for a long moment before he finally spoke, the words rushing to his thoughts. "I want to joke about things and laugh about the shitty things in life and I want to not think about demons and I want to like touching someone and then not feel like I've done something awful and I just want things to be like they were before. Am I being ridiculous?"

Nyx's eyes were narrowed, but he only raised his chin, straightening up. "You've always been a little dramatic, kiddo. You sure it wouldn't be best for you to be with me?"

"No. It's okay. I think I just need to talk about it or something. I get all my thoughts bottled up in my head and I don't ever want to say something because then I say the wrong thing and I still feel crappy." Shrugging a little, Aspen glanced back at the cracked door. "I think I should be going. I've already spent more time out here than I meant to and I have to report back."

Walking over to a nearby table. Nyx picked up a plain necklace with the two charms he had gotten from that one vendor in the Towns and an envelope. "These will offer some respite from any nightmares and some protection when needed," he said, handing them over to Aspen before passing him the envelope. "And some money, if needed."

Aspen smiled bitterly. "You're trying to lure me back here."

"Maybe." Nyx didn't appear guilty. It would get Aspen back in the Towns, for sure, especially when he found himself wanting to go back anyway. "Do stay safe."

"I will try." Pocketing the money and the necklace, he lowered his eyes slightly. "I think I'll be mostly focusing on finding some sort of peace of mind. I need that."

"Of course." Nyx reached forward to kiss his forehead, perhaps in an act of possession or instinct, but it comforted Aspen anyway and he leaned into it for a short moment.

"I will see you again, hopefully when my head has cleared entirely." Gathering himself, Aspen turned back to the door. "I know you probably don't care much about feelings, but I feel like you have been nicer to me lately. I know Cas probably thinks I'm stupid, going back to you after all you've done, but I don't think you can hurt me anymore. I don't think you want to, anyway. I think I'm entertaining to you, but you've known me the longest and somehow I find that comforting."

He would have waited for a response, but he could not help but want to demonstrate that he didn't care what the response was, starting away and shutting the door behind him. Somehow, his mind felt a little lighter, like he had gotten something important off his chest, and he only kept his chin down to keep his face hidden from the Shadowhunters that might be lurking about. Things were hardly perfect, and he didn't think they'd be okay, even, but if the thoughts in his head were less obtrusive, less hateful, then it was enough.

Discontentedness was something he had grown used to and he couldn't help but blame himself for wallowing in it as if it was something that was now comfortable. It was cowardly, but he had never been particularly good at confronting his habits.

When he met the forest, he looked back, studying the buildings, the sidewalk, and the cigarette smoke before heading through the thicket of trees, to the gate, to the Faerie, to his clan – a place he hoped to eventually call home.